The targeted brush-off

  • #1
Math Is Hard
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Main Question or Discussion Point

Sometimes there's a person that just gives you a certain uneasiness that makes you not want to encourage a friendship.

There's a guy like that at my health club. He's always hanging around (not even working out, just chit chatting at the front desk) and I catch him staring at me (my guess is that any new female attracts his attention). He positions himself in my path to start up conversations. I am not rude, but keep conversations short.

The thing is, I'm new at this place, and I want to make friends with other (non-creepy) members. I don't want other people to see me giving him the cold shoulder and think I am unfriendly.

My friend says to just suck it up and be friendly to him, but ugh, he gives me a weird vibe.
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
lisab
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Maybe ask other women there, like in the privacy of the locker room, if he bothers them too. It could be well-known that he's a creep. Then you could brush him off without worry.

Or wear ear buds?

I'm certain your instincts are good! I never ignore that 'creepy vibe' feeling.
 
  • #3
turbo
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MIH, if you have that Kardashian thing going, you're going to get hit on - by creeps as well as nice guys.

Ear-buds are a good suggestion - you can politely ignore him while smiling and cruising by.
 
  • #4
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Thanks, guys. Note to self: keep earbuds in at all times, and remove bootie-pops from workout outfits. :)
The only bad thing about staying earbudded is that it keeps me from meeting other folks. I am still trying to find a racquetball partner. But maybe I can post something about that on the locker room bulletin board.
 
  • #5
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You can just try being bit cold and uninterested in what he has to say or walk in group of friends :devil:
 
  • #6
turbo
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Thanks, guys. Note to self: keep earbuds in at all times, and remove bootie-pops from workout outfits. :)
Bootie-pops and push-ups are definitely not necessary.
 
  • #7
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Maybe ask other women there, like in the privacy of the locker room, if he bothers them too. It could be well-known that he's a creep. Then you could brush him off without worry.
I don't really know any of the women there unfortunately, but I bet some would not have good things to say about him. When I was at the pool there this summer he was always strolling around trying to invite himself into a group of young ladies. Luckily, there is another pool further away on the grounds that I can go to.
 
  • #8
turbo
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BTW, ear-buds that are loud enough to hear by a bystander are a good sign that you might not be able to converse. When you get to sessions in aerobics, spinning, etc, it is probably expected that you'll turn down the iPod... Unless you get stalked by the creepy guy, you should be OK.
 
  • #9
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You can just try being bit cold and uninterested in what he has to say or walk in group of friends :devil:
You might want to re-read my post. You seem to have missed the part where being cold could be a problem (the main point), and also that I am new and don't have a group of friends there.
 
  • #10
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You might want to re-read my post. You seem to have missed the part where being cold could be a problem (the main point), and also that I am new and don't have a group of friends there.
Yes, I certainly missed that part. Hopefully, you find friends soon and you wouldn't have to deal with him alone.
 
  • #11
Pyrrhus
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Hey MIH, do you need a workout partner?? :wink:
 
  • #12
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Simply strike up conversations with other people so you're not so isolated there. Talking about raquetball is an obvious first step. Closing yourself off with earbuds is a good way to stay isolated.
 
  • #13
Astronuc
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Sometimes there's a person that just gives you a certain uneasiness that makes you not want to encourage a friendship.

There's a guy like that at my health club. He's always hanging around (not even working out, just chit chatting at the front desk) and I catch him staring at me (my guess is that any new female attracts his attention). He positions himself in my path to start up conversations. I am not rude, but keep conversations short.

The thing is, I'm new at this place, and I want to make friends with other (non-creepy) members. I don't want other people to see me giving him the cold shoulder and think I am unfriendly.

My friend says to just suck it up and be friendly to him, but ugh, he gives me a weird vibe.
You need an imaginary BF - from SD perhaps.


I see an opportunity for a new market - Rent-A-Guy or Rent-A-Beau. :biggrin:
 
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  • #14
lisab
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Maybe you could ask him to play raquetball, and then kick his @ss. Mix in some obnoxious, belittling, demoralizing trash talk...he'll run when he sees you next time :biggrin:.
 
  • #15
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Try a chess game ?

[PLAIN]http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/aliensvspredatorp1.jpg [Broken]
 
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  • #16
turbo
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Let's explore freedom through technology once more. No ear-bud, this time, but a blue-tooth ear-piece. You can be "talking" on your cell at convenient times without looking like an iPod addict. Just chatter on about stuff related to your work, and hope that your admirer doesn't share your interests.
 
  • #17
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(my guess is that any new female attracts his attention)
The thing is, I'm new at this place, and I want to make friends with other (non-creepy) members. I don't want other people to see me giving him the cold shoulder and think I am unfriendly.
Hi Math is Hard,
I think if your guess is correct, he has tried this with many other female members and they have probably given him the cold shoulder...esp. if he is always just talking to the person at the front desk and not other members. I think if you are friendly with other members they won't think you're unfriendly if you give him the cold shoulder. On the other hand you could continue to talk to him about things like why he is always talking to the ppl at the front desk and not working out:devil:
 
  • #18
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Hi Math is Hard,
I think if your guess is correct, he has tried this with many other female members and they have probably given him the cold shoulder...esp. if he is always just talking to the person at the front desk and not other members. I think if you are friendly with other members they won't think you're unfriendly if you give him the cold shoulder. On the other hand you could continue to talk to him about things like why he is always talking to the ppl at the front desk and not working out:devil:
I love that last part. I wish I had the nerve to say that!

I think you are right, that the other members have observed him "in action" enough that no one is going to judge me as mean if I am snotty to him.

I went ahead and gave Pepe Le Pew the big freeze tonight. He started to sit down next to me and I got up and walked away. I don't know if one can give a bigger hint than that.

Let's explore freedom through technology once more. No ear-bud, this time, but a blue-tooth ear-piece. You can be "talking" on your cell at convenient times without looking like an iPod addict. Just chatter on about stuff related to your work, and hope that your admirer doesn't share your interests.
Unfortunately, there's a no cell phone policy.

DanP said:
Try a chess game ?
I think tic-tac-toe is more his speed.

Maybe you could ask him to play raquetball, and then kick his @ss. Mix in some obnoxious, belittling, demoralizing trash talk...he'll run when he sees you next time :biggrin:.
The only drawback is that I don't want to be alone in a closed room with him. There's hardly any other people around at the racquetball courts.

You need an imaginary BF - from SD perhaps.

I see an opportunity for a new market - Rent-A-Guy or Rent-A-Beau. :biggrin:
Maybe an "I heart women" t-shirt. :smile:

Simply strike up conversations with other people so you're not so isolated there. Talking about raquetball is an obvious first step. Closing yourself off with earbuds is a good way to stay isolated.
Trying to do that a little bit (starting conversations). I have to fight my shyness pretty hard, though.

Hey MIH, do you need a workout partner?? :wink:
Yes! You can protect me, and I will protect you from the cougars.

Hopefully, you find friends soon and you wouldn't have to deal with him alone.
Thanks. Working on it!
 
  • #20
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... he gives me a weird vibe.
I'm intrigued. What is it, exactly, that you find weird about him. Be specific, and be honest.

The reason I'm asking is that there's good weird and bad weird, and I've known girls whose first substantive statement to me was something like, "You're weird" -- and then we ended up seeing each other for a long time, and, in a couple of cases, actually living together for a year or so. For example, one of the long term loves of my life took me to her house one day not long after we'd met and her mother said to me, "Oh, you really are goofy!"

Of course, I'm assuming that your guy is bad weird, and that his bad weirdness isn't just a matter of social ineptness or social assholiness. So, I'm curious. How bad is this guy? And why is it such a problem that you've posted about it at PF? Is he scary weird?

In any case, if he really is 'bad weird', then just avoid him.

Regarding the racquetball problem, why not take up tennis? Is it that you're in a cold climate? If so, that's too bad. But you still have spring and summer.
 
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  • #21
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It's the "bad weird". Specifically: big, loud, aggressive, and stares a lot. Might be setting off the "dangerous frat boy" radar from earlier years. I've had some unpleasant experiences with stalkerish people - both men and women, actually, but mostly men.

I like "good weird". I am a complete dork myself. :)

I wish I could get into tennis, but it just has no appeal for me. The problem wouldn't change, though, I'd just be looking for tennis partners instead of racquetball partners.

I did some really good socializing recently and met some nice people there. I need to get on a more regular schedule where I will see the same people again and again.
 
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  • #22
turbo
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I did some really good socializing recently and met some nice people there. I need to get on a more regular schedule where I will see the same people again and again.
Good luck with that, hooper.

We all need some friends to relate to, even if they are not going to be "close" ones. I have been rather isolated in the past decade or so due to a medical condition, and it has been very helpful to establish new contacts and follow up on older ones.
 
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  • #23
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It's the "bad weird". Specifically: big, loud, aggressive, and stares a lot.
Yeah, that can be more than just annoying. One reason, other than that I'm a tennis nut, why I recommended tennis is that it involves a bigger area to move around in and thus avoid confrontational types who exhibit strange staring behavior.

I wish I could get into tennis, but it just has no appeal for me. The problem wouldn't change, though, I'd just be looking for tennis partners instead of racquetball partners.
Tennis is a bit harder to play competitively in the beginning since the mechanics of just getting the ball over the net and into the court consistently does take some time to learn. But it's worth it. It's on TV (there's not much racquetball, if any, on TV afaik) and there are tournaments involving world class players that are fun to attend (and you can, via TV and live events, perhaps learn to emulate the strokes of the really good players). You don't have to belong to a club to play it as most cities have at least one well attended public tennis complex. It's played mostly outdoors. Also, at the outdoor courts, which seem to attract a very nice crowd (fewer weirdos than health clubs and gyms), there's less chance of being 'cornered' by someone such as the guy you're talking about.
 
  • #24
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Yes! You can protect me, and I will protect you from the cougars.

How ?
 
  • #25
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Glad to read that everything is working out Math Is Hard :)
 

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