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The Truth about Santa

  1. Nov 26, 2003 #1

    dduardo

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    Staff Emeritus

    After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa:
    No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

    There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

    If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

    The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

    353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 26, 2003 #2
    You forgot to count Santa's magic!! and the power of christmas spirit!! and all the other special magical stuff you don't know about that're Santa's secrets! pfft... next time don't leave such crucial factors out of your calculations.....
     
  4. Nov 26, 2003 #3
    Oh ya, dduardo?(brushes magic pixie dust off of coat) I'll see to a lump of coal and an onion in your stocking!
    HO! HO! HO!
     
  5. Nov 26, 2003 #4
    dude WTF.....u got too much time on ur hands?...DAMNNN...

    but still very intellegent
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2003
  6. Nov 27, 2003 #5
    I assume he copied it from somewhere else, like maybe a chain email or something. I just love these cynical Santa reviews, and they come every year. Thankfully, they are far too detailed for me to remember year to year, so I can enjoy them over and over, even if they are exactly the same everytime.
     
  7. Nov 27, 2003 #6
    ya this is a chain mail.. I've seen it several times before.
     
  8. Nov 28, 2003 #7

    adrenaline

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    That's because engineers are too practical and unimaginative (just kidding. )

    For those of little faith, perhaps quantum physics will provide the answer:




    This is an article written by Henry Gee, originally published in The Guardian (yep, another leftist liberal conspiracy) on 14th Dec 2000.

    > Of course Father Christmas exists, and he can visit arbitrarily as many
    > children as he pleases in as short a time as is convenient, barring mid-air
    > reindeer pile- ups. The reason is that Father Christmas is a Macroscopic
    > Quantum Object.
    >
    > Let me explain. It is a feature of the quantum world that particles - such
    > as electrons - can be in more than one place at a time, provided that nobody
    > is watching. In a famous experiment known as the "two-slit" test, physicists
    > have been able to fire a single particle at an opaque plate with two
    > separate slits in it. The diffraction pattern seen on the other side of the
    > slits suggests that the particle passes through both holes at once and
    > interacts with itself. However, if detectors are placed at the slits, to see
    > which slit the particle passes through, the diffraction pattern disappears,
    > and the particle can be seen to pass through either one slit or the other,
    > but not both.
    >
    > The key lies in the fact of observation. Provided that nobody seeks to
    > measure the effect with more than a certain amount of precision, the
    > particle keeps all its options open. But if someone looks too closely, the
    > particle makes its choice. In the language of physics, its quantum
    > wavefunction collapses.
    >
    > Now, let's think of Father Christmas as a particle, obeying the rules of the
    > quantum world. Following the logic of the two-slit experiment, it is
    > perfectly possible for him to visit all the good children of the world
    > simultaneously, provided that he does so unseen. If he is spotted, his
    > wavefunction will collapse and he will be revealed as your Dad with a comedy
    > beard after all. The quantum nature of Father Christmas explains the taboo
    > against seeing him do his job.
    >
    > But there's more. It is possible to object that Father Christmas is far too
    > large, rubicund and jolly to be a particle. In the real-life, macroscopic
    > world of people, elves and flying reindeer, the quantum behaviour of each of
    > the squillions of particles from which we are made averages out, so what we
    > see is the everyday phenomenon of causes preceding effects, and people who
    > can never be in two places at once.
    >
    > Cynics might attribute this last consequence to the deficiencies of
    > Railtrack, but it is a fact that real people, even bearded men with red hats
    > and big boots, tend to be found in discrete locations, irrespective of
    > whether they are being watched or not.
    >
    > This objection doesn't wash, however, because it is possible to have
    > macroscopic quantum objects that are larger than single particles.
    > Scientists have managed to choreograph large clusters of atoms to behave as
    > if they were just one particle, in a kind of nanoscopic Busby Berkeley
    > routine. Admittedly, these clusters are too small to see with the naked eye,
    > let alone qualify as cheerful red- faced men with sacks full of gifts, but
    > the point is made.
    >
    > Importantly, these macroscopic quantum objects observe the rules of the
    > quantum world when cooled to within a whisker of absolute zero - minus 273
    > C. Any warmer than this, and the choreography breaks down and the clusters
    > behave like any old bunch of atoms.
    >
    > Nevertheless, in this frigidity might lie an explanation for another feature
    > of Father Christmas - the undeniable fact that Father Christmas
    > traditionally inhabits cold places, such as Lapland or the North Pole. OK,
    > so neither of these places gets as chilly as absolute zero, but it must
    > count for something that no deserving child would address their wish list to
    > hot places such as, say, Borneo or Brazil. The very idea is quite
    > ridiculous. QED (which stands for Quantum Electrodynamics, as any fule kno.)

    So there.
     
  9. Nov 28, 2003 #8
    Well I think this theory of Santa is awsome!

    It's hilarious & genious all in one.
     
  10. Dec 20, 2003 #9
    All of this talk will do nothing to shatter my faith. The physics doesn't matter when presents can plainly be seen each year to appear under my tree as if by magic. I am convinced that Santa understands maths more than anyone else alive and speaks with a Russian accent.

    Now, the tooth fairy?
    Come on, just how silly is that? !!
     
  11. Dec 20, 2003 #10


    I think anyone would get sick of cookies and milk (unless they are die hard about cookies and milk) before eating 2950.7 tons of it.[/QUOTE]

    Hmm.. this report seems to leave out the weight of the sleigh. The sleigh would break (assuming the sleigh that we know is roughly a few meters across) unless it is scaled to handle 321,300 tons. Since weight is proportional to volume, if it were scaled, it'd be one massive sleigh.
     
  12. Dec 20, 2003 #11
    I think you are forgetting one thing. Weight is not an issue with Santa. Remember he goes up the chimney with a twinkle of his nose.

    I'm wondering about anti-gravity boogers?
     
  13. Dec 21, 2003 #12

    Tsu

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    Gold Member


    YEAH!!! Take THAT dduardo!!
    LET'S HEAR IT FOR QUANTUM PHYSICS!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    SANTA RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (mumbling as she walks away in disgust... "Buncha deadbeat nerds trying to take down Santa, for cyring out loud. Musta got nothing but coal in their socks as kids - probably because they weren't GOOD kids to begin with, the rotton little hellions.... Now come Easter, you leave the dang Easter Bunny alone!! YOU HEAR ME?? LEAVE THE BUNNY ALONE!!!!")
     
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