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The woman smarter than the man

  1. Mar 30, 2012 #1
    Has anyone here had experience (as the male) who had a girlfriend that was clearly smarter than them? In my predicament, there is this girl I like, and I feel like I don't even have a chance because she is smarter than me, and a girl wants a man who is smarter or more successful or whatever, but I don't think I will be able to top her. Sounds lame but I'm gonna roll with it anyway to start up a conversation on the topic.
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 30, 2012 #2
    I thought all women thought they were smarter than their boyfriend/husband anyway, even if they really weren't.
    So in the cases where they really are, then nothing has changed about how they feel.
  4. Mar 30, 2012 #3


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    How is this woman smarter than you? Just in school work?

    There are many ways to be smart. There's more to being brainy than being a good student. Some people are better at reading other people's emotions, so-called "Emotional Intelligence". Some are better with financial stuff, or organizing complicated things, or finding creative new solutions to common problems.

    It would be very unusual for one person to be uniformly smarter than another.
  5. Mar 30, 2012 #4
    science/math smarts. I.e the smarts that matters
  6. Mar 30, 2012 #5

    jim hardy

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    i too used to think those mattered.

  7. Mar 30, 2012 #6


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    There are many people that would prefer to be in relationships where the man is more successful. That's not the same as being smarter. In fact, many of the people that prefer the man to be more successful also prefer the woman to be smarter.

    In any event, I don't think that attitude is as prevalent as it used to be, even if it's still pretty common. Judging from the fact that it's no longer such a rarity for women to have to pay their ex-husband alimony, it must not be as rare for the woman to earn more than the man as it used to be.
  8. Mar 31, 2012 #7
    An old friend of mine, Stormy, used to say that one ought to ask oneself what of worth they have to offer the person they are interested in pursuing and whether or not that person values those things.

    Just because she is intelligent does not necessarily mean that she values intelligence in a partner over all else. If she is quite intelligent she may not see any need for more intelligence in a partner than enough to be capable of communicating well with each other. Perhaps she quite values a goofy sense of humour (for example) because she is often rather serious and finds giggling at some silly jokes to be a nice respite from that seriousness.

    Point being: Just because you may value your own intelligence over anything else, and perhaps value intelligence in a partner more than anything else, does not mean that the persons who you pursue will feel the same. The person who you are interested may not value anything you have to offer let alone the one thing about you you think that they should value. And you may also be short changing yourself by feeling that your intelligence is all you have to offer.
  9. Mar 31, 2012 #8

    jim hardy

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    This is a relationships thread,, so i'll say this:

    I found this book very helpful. So have a lot of my acquaintances. It was once very popular and used copies abound in thrift stores.

    You might see if first chapter or two strikes a chord.

    If it doesn't, that's fine.

  10. Apr 1, 2012 #9
    sensible posts above.....
    I would not worry about it unless she does....Big difference between smart and intelligent... as in 'street' smart versus academic ability....If you are intimidated by 'smart' that will not bode well for the relationship.....worry about yourself and if the girl is so smart trust her 'smart'.....

    not so sensible posts here:
    Glom on to this girl ASAP..get her to help with your homework!!!!
    Get her to tutor you for free!
    Avoid her classes because she might run up the grade curve!
    Get investment advice!
    Forget smart...go for tall!!
    If she is hot, put up with smart!
    Would you share her telephone number?
  11. Apr 1, 2012 #10
    My wife is smarter than me. But it's no big deal. For me, it's more fulfilling that she is smarter than me. In fact, she is usually the one who adjust when at times of differences.
  12. Apr 2, 2012 #11


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    That is potentially very offensive. Being a good parent/friend is not completely scientific or mathematical, but I'd say it matters a great deal. Or what about a songwriter whose lyrics inspire someone to turn their life around? Have they not done something commendable?

    My wife is much more adept in social situations than I am; her intuitiveness has saved me from many embarrassing moments, or illuminated situations in which I had been too blunt with expressing my views.

    I think you'll find what "matters" isn't always intellectual. However, if you simply cannot be with someone who's smarter than you, then don't pursue the relationship. If you don't care, then don't assume it matters to her; give it a go and forgo the guessing game.
  13. Apr 5, 2012 #12
    Who says all girls want more intelligent (school wise), successful etc men? There are different kinds of intelligence, and they all matter in the sense that they lead you to a more full life. I love math and go to school but my boyfriend doesn't though he is very charismatic. That actually makes life more interesting. Sometimes I do not know how to behave in a given social situation, but he does an excellent job of "saving" me the trouble or showing me how to handle such a situation. I appreciate the difference.
  14. Apr 6, 2012 #13


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    Uh? No way, you really think women in science/math only date men in science/math? A relation doesn't revolve around how well a scientific problem can be understood.

    I'm with snowfox2004, my boyfriend is not scientifically trained but that doesn't mean he isn't smart. I don't need a business partner: a want a life partner.
  15. Apr 23, 2012 #14


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    I wouldn't be surprised if many man felt uncomfortable for having a smarter companion or even a more successful companion. Maybe not all men, but I imagine a great deal.

    But thankfully times are changing: women are getting better treatment and not considered as having to be 'barefoot and pregnant' although there is still some discrimination going on in all forms of which one involves genders.

    I think that as this becomes more prevalent and thus accepted mostly out of the fact that people observe it and consider it natural as opposed to how it used to be (this kind of thing was rare a short time ago), then people won't really care as much because it's something that they have grown up with and are used to. It's interesting that if children are told by their parents or implications are made in their environment about a particular belief or otherwise, then this can obviously have a huge impact on their perspectives even until they die.

    I imagine if aliens were walking around us everywhere and you saw everyone getting along without a hitch that if you too grew up in that environment that it wouldn't be a big deal for you either.

    It's good that women are getting a chance and if they work hard, get ahead on merit and choose to become what they are capable of becoming, then kudos to them. Once this issue becomes a non-issue then men probably won't even think about bringing this issue up in the first place.
  16. May 3, 2012 #15


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    Excellent. Go get her.
  17. May 7, 2012 #16


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    women are always smarter than men, but sometimes they reveal it by making the man think he is smarter.

    But let's put it this way, if she is smarter than you and still talking to you, you are in luck.

    (for orientation, I am a guy whose wife is much smarter than I am.)
  18. May 12, 2012 #17
    My wife is smarter than me. But it's no big deal. For me.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2012
  19. May 12, 2012 #18
    I can't remember where I heard this but it was a long time ago, an American husband explaining that his wife insisted that he was smarter then her, so he should make the important decisions, what they thought about the Vietnam War, who they should vote for, whether abortion should be legalised, while she would make the unimportant ones, where they would live, what car they would drive and where the kids would go to school.
  20. May 23, 2012 #19
    I thiink its unlikely she would not date you based on your intelligence. I know many women who seem much smarter (in the sense you are using the term) than thei boyfriends/husbands.
  21. May 25, 2012 #20
    The obvious answer is that sometimes the woman is smarter, and sometimes not. It also depends on how we define smart. Most folks select a definition that makes them feel smarter.

    But I find it interesting that all the ancient mystical traditions attribute wisdom to the female, or they will do something common in the Kabbalah that attributes wisdom to the male and understanding to the female. If I understand the esoteric language correctly, that mean the guy might know a lot, but the girl is more likely to demonstrate it in a practical and useful way.
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