Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 years to learn

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  • #1
Dr.Brain
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!!Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 years to learn!!

Originally created by Dave Barry

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your true friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.




Add your own experiences......starting with Number.17 , lets see till what number we can go.

I'm unable to find a Dave Barry owned website to link, so in the interrim I've added quote tags. Please do not post copyrighted material.

-Enigma
 
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Answers and Replies

  • #2
Pengwuino
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17
17. People can try to justify any crime that they just committed

18. Love triumphs over everything for some reason

19. Some people really dont "believe" in math

20. Your pathetic life is not the target of any massive conspiracies contrary to popular belief
 
  • #3
wolram
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Your boss all ways, "thinks", he is right.
 
  • #4
Moonbear
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22. Never go to your boss with a problem until you have a solution you can let him claim as his own.
 
  • #5
JamesU
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23. somehow, if ronco makes it, they'll earn money for it
 
  • #6
Pengwuino
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17
24. No matter how poor people are or how much debt they have, they can always afford trips to the casino

25. Teachers make educators look bad
 
  • #7
Ivan Seeking
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26. Never eat beans if you plan to wear thermal underwear.
 
  • #8
Echo 6 Sierra
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27. Youth is wasted on the young.
28. You do not need to drive 80mph.
 
  • #9
Paragon
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29. The great question of youth,
is that you question
the time spent by a thousand fools.

30. As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things
you didn't do.

31. Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.

32. It is not in You, but in myself, that I find all that I see in you.
 
  • #10
photon
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There is NO difference between coke and pepsi

if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is

the only thing that changes with each james bond movie is the girl
 
  • #11
Pengwuino
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How can you say theres no difference!?
 
  • #12
hypatia
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36 That its still fun to drive over 80
37 Both Coke and Pepsi give you heartburn
38 Buy thermal underwear with "backdoors"
 
  • #13
fourier jr
746
13
27, 30, 31.... so so true. i'm just learning that now; i'm already 24 & don't really have many stories to tell. makes me think of pink floyd's time:
Time
(Mason, Waters, Wright, Gilmour) 7:06

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.
 
  • #14
Dr.Brain
538
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40. Wisdom is getting old and still believing you dont know anything yet.
 
  • #15
Paragon
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41. We will die
 
  • #16
Dr.Brain
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42. There is no life after death.
 
  • #17
Daminc
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43. If you can't change it, don't worry about it.
44. Don't ask "Why should I?" ask instead "Why shouldn't I?"
45. 'Music' is getting worse.
 
  • #18
Dr.Brain
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46. Majority of the turns you took in your life were 360 degrees.
 
  • #19
Daminc
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47. Learn the difference to what you want and what you need.
 
  • #20
JamesU
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48. even if you believe there's no life after death, take the precautions neccesary, just in case there is.
 
  • #21
Daminc
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49. Always try to say what you mean and mean what you say.
 
  • #22
wolram
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Don't mistreat the little guy, he may be your future boss.
 
  • #23
Dr.Brain
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51. All those who want to reach Heaven, forget they have to die first.
 
  • #24
Lisa!
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52.Today is the tomorrow that you wanted to do sth yestarday!(I bet nobody'l understand what I mean!)
53.If ther's no solution, there is no problem!
 
  • #25
JamesU
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to #52. I understand (kinda) what is 'sth'? I noticed you misplace letters sometimes.
 
  • #26
hypatia
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yomamma said:
48. even if you believe there's no life after death, take the precautions neccesary, just in case there is.


That some people are wise beyond there years.
 
  • #27
Danger
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Dr.Brain said:
I'm unable to find a Dave Barry owned website to link,
If you're still looking, maybe you can find something through 'The Miami Herald'. That's who he writes (or wrote?) for.
 
  • #28
Paragon
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54. The truth is to lie in choir, untruth is to lie alone.
 
  • #29
saltydog
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#55:

There is a 25,000 year old cave painting in a cave of France. It is that of a hand, a man's hand. It's as if to announce, "this is man, I have arrived". But there is something else there, over the man's hand and not easy to see. Look closely . . . it is that of another hand, a smaller one, that of a woman. She announces, "and I am woman, the source of your strength"

Some things you can only see by living a long time. :smile:
 
Last edited:
  • #30
brewnog
Science Advisor
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hypatia said:
That some people are wise beyond there years.


Seconded. Wish I had half that amount of wisdom...


I was going to post 56. If it ain't broke, make it less broke, but I'm still young so don't feel qualified enough to contribute yet!
 
  • #31
fileen
64
4
freedome is merely hidden control
 
  • #32
fileen
64
4
people will constantly be telling you all the things that they are certain you will not understand until you are older...stupid!

parents spend the first months of their childs life desperately trying to convince them to stand and speak, once accomplished they spend the rest of their lives deperately trying to convince them to sit down and shut up.

we all really do become our parents no matter how hard we try to avoid it, or ignore it.
 
  • #33
Ivan Seeking
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60 You may get less than you've paid for, but never more. That is, it doesn't pay to be cheap.
 
  • #34
Dr.Brain
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61. Some music rots with time , which dont makes you rot with time.
 
  • #35
Moonbear
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62. If you complete your projects ahead of schedule, your boss with think you don't have enough work to do and give you more. But if you procrastinate to finish all your projects just as the deadline hits, you'll be praised as a lifesaver and admired for your dedication to meeting tough deadlines.
 

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