If you hate to admit it then it can't be that good. To your credit, you do seem to be very honest with yourself. That will help you deal with your emotions rather than consigning them to the void. You will learn to be emotionally confident and not have to rely on the acceptance or approval of others to bolster your self-worth.Yeah, I guess I am very pre-emptively agressive. However, I've had my fair share of people being like that to me, so I guess I learned it from them. I hate to admit it, but it usually does feel good to come out on top of a conflict, and to not be the one who is emotionally wrecked.
I've gone through many of the same things you're going through now. Being yourself is the only viable option. Yes, you'll get wrecked sometimes. You'll learn that most of the time you are wrecking yourself. You are responsible for your own emotional state. Hopefully you'll unlearn all the behavioural patterns that keep you away from happiness. You're right, those behaviours are learned, but that doesn't justify the results. Other beneficial behaviours you may not have been introduced to. Do you have any siblings? Are your parents separated?