This is killing me.

  • Thread starter Enjoicube
  • Start date
  • #26
459
7
Yeah, I guess I am very pre-emptively agressive. However, I've had my fair share of people being like that to me, so I guess I learned it from them. I hate to admit it, but it usually does feel good to come out on top of a conflict, and to not be the one who is emotionally wrecked.
If you hate to admit it then it can't be that good. To your credit, you do seem to be very honest with yourself. That will help you deal with your emotions rather than consigning them to the void. You will learn to be emotionally confident and not have to rely on the acceptance or approval of others to bolster your self-worth.

I've gone through many of the same things you're going through now. Being yourself is the only viable option. Yes, you'll get wrecked sometimes. You'll learn that most of the time you are wrecking yourself. You are responsible for your own emotional state. Hopefully you'll unlearn all the behavioural patterns that keep you away from happiness. You're right, those behaviours are learned, but that doesn't justify the results. Other beneficial behaviours you may not have been introduced to. Do you have any siblings? Are your parents separated?
 
  • #27
6,265
1,280
Yes and no. I've had a few times that I've been friends with a woman simply because they aren't available. It wasn't that there was no attraction. If the circumstances were different then a different relationship would have been possible.

The girl the OP is talking about just recently broke up with her boyfriend. She might not have been open to an advance before, but could be now. She may have asked the OP to lunch with her friends so she could talk to them about men and see how he reacts to it. What she was saying was meant for him to hear. This doesn't seem to be a topic that she normally discusses with the OP, but now he is invited to lunch to discuss with her friends a topic they never discussed before? Something is amiss.

That was a golden opportunity to make his interests clear. In my experience, rather than make advances, women tend to create opportunities for men. He won't get many before she loses romantic interest. The OP already messed up with his negative response to the first opportunity she presented him with. Now she knows he is interested, but isn't ready to deal with his emotions. He's created sexual weirdness, which isn't appealing to her. It's possible he has just now crossed into the "friend zone". I think he realizes this too, after the comment he made about them just being friends. He has a pattern of preemptive aggression all over his posts. I don't think it's impossible for him to cross back over, but time is running out for him to be deliberate and decisive. It's not in his nature.
I think we more or less agree. Some claim it's the girl who won't let you out of the Friend Zone, but like I said, I think it is often actually the guy who gets his head stuck there.
 
  • #28
49
1
Ok, never mind, the point is, I am ok with it now. It took me a weekend and some really hard thought, but now I care as a friend, and I am ok with that. This is the first time I've ever felt anything so strong though. I think for a while I was having trouble breathing cause of this, and I couldn't think about my math. What a horrible feeling, just hoping that I can get a bit better now. Really, I think I was delirious there for a while, lost all of my interest in everything else.
 
Last edited:
  • #29
49
1
Yes, sorry about all this, I think I snapped out of it. Thank you to everyone, and I am sure I've come off as totally off my rocker now.
 
  • #30
106
1
Yes, sorry about all this, I think I snapped out of it. Thank you to everyone, and I am sure I've come off as totally off my rocker now.
Next time you get in such a situation, just tell her what you want. There is nothing more amusing for a girl than to see a guy about she knows he likes her, but it's frozen of fear to tell or act in any way to make his desires known. And besides being amusing , it's kinda a turn off for them girls.

And another thing. Nobody it's taking advantage of you letting you do nice things for them.
After all, you did the nice things from your own will :P
 
  • #31
Mentallic
Homework Helper
3,798
94
And I find it pretty amusing myself at the fact that you despise being portrayed as a nice guy. Honestly, jealousy and avoidance are much less appealing qualities in a person.
 

Related Threads on This is killing me.

  • Last Post
Replies
6
Views
2K
  • Last Post
Replies
19
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
13
Views
24K
Replies
6
Views
2K
  • Last Post
Replies
2
Views
2K
  • Last Post
Replies
20
Views
4K
  • Last Post
Replies
14
Views
2K
  • Last Post
3
Replies
73
Views
15K
Replies
22
Views
5K
  • Last Post
Replies
1
Views
2K
Top