Today's giggle

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davenn

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a giggle for Monday

enjoy....

Speeding in Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"You have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.


D
 
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:rofl:
 

drizzle

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Lolol!:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
looooooool
 

davenn

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a giggle for today

found on Facebook :smile:


attachment.php?attachmentid=68750&stc=1&d=1397777838.jpg


cheers
Dave
 

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berkeman

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The timeline actually continues to the right up to the present year. There's just nothing to show... :smile:
 

PhysicoRaj

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davenn

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The timeline actually continues to the right up to the present year. There's just nothing to show... :smile:
haha I hadn't considered that observation :)

Dave
 

adjacent

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What will happen if it was extended to antiquity?
 

jmneutr0nn3

found on Facebook :smile:


attachment.php?attachmentid=68750&stc=1&d=1397777838.jpg


cheers
Dave
Nowadays in a modern world, it has been upgraded to sleeping with no undies on. That depends on the wearer's mood though.
 

davenn

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joke for the day

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

cheers
Dave
 

PhysicoRaj

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:tongue: :smile:
 

adjacent

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:rofl:
Then the boss is a fool
 

davenn

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Todays funny

attachment.php?attachmentid=71317&stc=1&d=1405319086.jpg


:wink:

Dave
 

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davenn

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Comedy for the day

nay a truer word spoken :wink:


attachment.php?attachmentid=71416&stc=1&d=1405572828.jpg


cheers
Dave
 

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davenn

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Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit
Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The garden didn't get watered

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

The flowers don't have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favour. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

cheers
Dave
 
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if this isn't you yet,
It's not me yet, but I definitely recognize the pattern, so I might be going down that road...:tongue2:
 

davenn

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haha yeah me too
the number of times I walk out of a room to go get something then forget what I was going to get :rolleyes:

Dave
 

dlgoff

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So there's a name for it. I received some vacuum tubes in the mail two days ago that I was very anxious to get for a project. They're still on the work bench. :mad:
 

davenn

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Today's giggle ---- enjoy :)

The Dead Parrot

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor . He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with Beretta DT11 Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wangi Exhibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE... LONG SILENCE...VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you're in deep sh@t



cheers
Dave
 

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