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Total denial of the truth

  1. Dec 7, 2004 #1
    Total denial of the truth, disillusionment with people. Your whole existence in a minute of music. Angst, delinquent, teenager, pathetic. Wannabe, I'm a wannabe. I wanna be just like Brian Molko. I dont want am A-level in furthur mathematics, University or anything. Why would I need it? I'm going to be dead by 25. I Hate everything and Love it, Its like its happening already, It drives me over. I console in Music AFI, Allister, Apex Theory, Audioslave, Bad Religion, Boxcar Racer, Chemical Brothers, Cypress Hill, Deftones, Eels, Feeder, Finch, Foo Fighters, Fun Lovin' Criminals, Goldfinger, Greenday, Hundred Reasons, Idlewild, Incubus, Infected Mushroom, Jamiroquai, Jimmi Hendrix, Jimmy Eat World, Lagwagon, Less than Jake, Long Beach Dub All Stars, Lost Prophets, Mest, Muse, Nine Inch Nails, No Use For a Name, NOFX, Our Lady Peace, Placebo, Prodigy, Queens of the Stone Age, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, Reel Big Fish, Snuff, Space, Spooks, Spunge, Sublime, Suburban Legends, Sum41, System of a Down, Terranova, The Ataris, The Clash, The Cooper Temple Clause, The Distillers, The Mad Capsule Markets, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Offspring, The Pixies, The Specials, The Streets, The Verve, Yellowcard. It lets me fold away into myself, and not think about anything.

    Trapped In society, in a place I dont belong. Surrounded by strangers on all sides, the false smile the ever sinking consciousness. Its a dull throbbing in my head the realisation, this isnt all i have ever known. consciousness is sustained by a few people, people who understand, people who i think are like me. Love doesnt work like this, I try and I tell myself that i do love but I know its nothing. A mere fantasy.


    The Thoughts of a Teenager, trapped.


    (Tetrahydro-6,6,9-trimethyl-3-pentyl-6H-dibenzo[b,d]pyran-1-ol)
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Dec 7, 2004 #2
    All those bands that you listen too no wonder your so miserable, go out and by the Spice girls album, something by steps and then something by S-Club 7. That will cheer you up.
     
  4. Dec 7, 2004 #3

    Chi Meson

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    Hey, I was there too in high school. A lot of the same bands were on my list too. I'm surprised to not see Joy Division there. I actually wore out "Unknown Pleasures." The first vinyl record I had to replace due to overuse.
    I felt trapped too. How do you get out? I got out by running. I'm serious, I never knew I was a runner until I was 17. I'll soon be 40 and I can say that life has been getting better every year. You feel better, you get out you meet people who are more like you.

    OK, maybe running is not your thing, maybe you need a bike, a kayak, Scuba gear, a backpack, whatever, but you do need to get out and away from sensory overload. THis I am certain about.



    Start now.




    yes, now!
     
  5. Dec 7, 2004 #4
    You see, I used to be happy, very happy, infact life couldnt get much better. and now its my last year at college and I jsut feel low. really realy low. I do sport, I do gymnastics religiously and I play rugby I have stuff in my life but i still feel terrible. Its like being trapped in this world where i cant get out or ill hurt people who matter to me. All i wanna do is just go and live my life without having so much expected of me. I wanna go and study physics and maths at uni. I want to live my own life and not become this social stereotype which my school seems to churn out by the thousand each year. but i cant because all around me is this pressure ot conform and go to oxford and be the best and go forth and make money. I couldnt care about money, and nobody else seems to understand.

    'I wanna be the minority,
    I don't need your authority
    Down with the moral majority
    Cos' I wanna be the minority'

    Greenday, Minority

    I no it sounds juvenile but is true. The majority here where I am are my idea of a worst nightmare. I need to leave but i cant.

    (Tetrahydro-6,6,9-trimethyl-3-pentyl-6H-dibenzo[b,d]pyran-1-ol)
     
  6. Dec 7, 2004 #5

    russ_watters

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    The nice (and terrifying) thing you learn in your late teens and early 20s (in college) is that you really are in control of your own life. If you really are ready for it, then you're way ahead of the game.
     
  7. Dec 7, 2004 #6
    It's hard to know how serious your situation is. I've known many people who had desperately unhappy teenagehoods who are happy now in adulthood and laugh at how serious they were in those transitional years. In fact, they kick themselves at missing the great opportunity to enjoy life at such a potentially fun and carefree stage of their lives, when they didn't have a huge mortgage and family commitments.

    My advice to you is to try and get over yourself and stop taking life so seriously. They will be plenty of opportunity later to deal with the serious aspects of life. For now, you probably just need a girlfriend. Or take up the recreational sport of mountain climbing or long-distance hiking. And don't spend too much time listening to those bands or to music in general. There are lots of other more fruitful activities to engage in.
     
  8. Dec 7, 2004 #7
    Agreed. A combination of running and calculus was enough to keep me going throughout the year. I could care less about the social interactions in high school.. too trivial. Id rather hang out with like-minded people (which would explain why im on these forums).

    Blue Chip, at least you have the (Tetrahydro-6,6,9-trimethyl-3-pentyl-6H-dibenzo[b,d]pyran-1-ol) going for you :biggrin: .

    Don't we all.
     
  9. Dec 7, 2004 #8

    brewnog

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    And while you're at it, sack Oxford. Go to a proper uni, get a proper degree, and have some fun while you're at it....




    (oh I can almost feel the flames...)
     
  10. Dec 7, 2004 #9

    *Lights a roarign bonfire under brewnog's backside*
     
  11. Dec 7, 2004 #10
    Hmm..i was sort of like you when i was in my last years in high school. Ive learned to deal with it now, i am much happier now. One thing i would suggest, and i don't know how right i am, is to get rid of all those music you listen to :rofl:. I don't know, but once i stopped listening to that kind of music i felt a whole lot better, i believe that kinda of music can be detrimental to a confused person, not saying you were but i was. I think that kind of music kind of distorts reality a bit if taken too seriously. Some movies can distort reality too, i remember watching matrix when i was very little, i felt the after effects of what reality was for a couple years, i know that's pretty funny but i was just a baby back then :tongue2:

    I agree with some of what was said already, which is not take everything so seriously. I used to get angry at people just because they didn't do something i wanted them to do, but i realized how silly i was to expect things from people that easily, i thought people were so evil.

    What russ_waters said was kinda true too, you ARE in control of your life. It doesn't mean you can be a Ph.D. Physicist just because you want to be, but you can choose what you want to feel and what your do in life.

    Another thing mentioned already, that i think is a great advice is to get something that you really enjoy doing like a hobby. Doing physics and math seems to be a popular thing here, i wonder why? :smile: The hobby i found that kind of saved me was watching asian movies, it helped me deal with a lot of problems i had, but becareful what movies your watch *not hollywood blockbusters*. :tongue:
     
  12. Dec 7, 2004 #11
    On an off note about Green Day, Minority was probably one of their worst singles. Get the new 'American Idiot' album. It will definitely cheer you up. :)
     
  13. Dec 7, 2004 #12

    Moonbear

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    Wow! Blue_Chip, you're way too young to be taking life so seriously! If you don't like conforming to what everyone around you expects of you, the solution is quite simple...don't. Rather than ranting about how much you hate being fake, just start being yourself. The one thing you can always be sure you have control of in life is being who you are!
     
  14. Dec 7, 2004 #13

    Gokul43201

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    Blue_chip, the weed may help you feel better over short periods but it's not going to help in the long run.

    Here's my suggestion : Try and devote some of your time to helping out other less fortunate people around you. That way, you'll be forced to think about something other than yourself and your problems.
     
  15. Dec 7, 2004 #14

    Astronuc

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    Then do so.

    Then don't.

    Find your own path and go your own way. Like Russ succinctly put it - it's your choice.

    Maybe change the tunes . . . perhaps try some Haydn, Brahms, Chopin, Ravel, Ralph Vaughn Williams, Faure, Debussy, which I like as much as

    Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Robin Trower, Jeff Beck, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Eric Clapton, Cream, Traffic, U2, Wishbone Ash, Iron Butterfly, Jeffereson Airplane, Yardbirds, Yes, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, and lots more.

    If you need to take a break - do so - work or go some place like Hunza, the Hindu Kush, Australia, Ethopia - go see the world - but be careful if you do, there are some nasty places out there.

    Or go to college, master a subject, and make a positive contribution to the world.

    And, I dare suggest that you read Douglas Adam's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and have a good laugh.

    Also, talk to your parents.

    And perhaps back off the Vitamin-T.
     
  16. Dec 8, 2004 #15
    Thanks all for your thoughts.

    I have a love affair with my music. Quite alot of it isnt actually very depressing, Im a SKA monkey at heart and It makes me the happiest I ever am when im at a live SKA gig. As for the other bands such as deftones I suppose it would make me a little happier not to listen to them its just that I love music and they make it so well, I dunno.

    I aspire to go to Imperial College. Its such a good uni and I spend quite alot of time there when i can. I dunno if ill make the grades though...... I have an interview soon so hopefully it will all be OK.

    I know i can be who i wanna be its just that the people that i care about will be dissapointed if i do. I want to be able to please them and still be happy in what i do. I suppose its wishful thinking.

    The fundemental problem at the moment is that 5% of the time im with all my friends who are at university. I was a year ahead of myself a while back so most of my really close friends are a year older. I have some of the most amazing times with them.

    The other 95% Im at boarding school. I have a mentality thats a year ahead of myself because i grew up with people a year older than me. so it seems to me that i shouldnt be at school. I should be living it up for myself. but im still here, confined in this space for the next 6 months.

    Nehu, I must run as i have a further maths exam to do. Oh the joys. :D

    I have to say that im a classic greenday fan. I have the new album and it has couple of good tracks on but I love the classics like Waiting, She and Basket Case. I saw them live that the Leeds festival. they were amazing :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2004
  17. Dec 8, 2004 #16

    Chi Meson

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  18. Dec 8, 2004 #17

    Moonbear

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    Why do you care about these people if they will be disappointed if you do what makes you happy? That doesn't sound like true friendship. If they are true friends, they will be happy for you as long as you are doing what makes you happy. Perhaps you're the only one who thinks they'll be disappointed?
     
  19. Dec 8, 2004 #18
    The problem is that they are my familly. All my friends support me in all i do and theyre great. I just have this whole thing that my familly have almost mapped out for my life. Its the last thing that i wanna do.

    I used to run for my county but it kina stopped. I suppose i could. it would be quite fun to do it again. :D
     
  20. Dec 11, 2004 #19
    Dude, you're totally right. All throughout high school and my first half of college I hardly socialized with anyone outside of school. Now in my third year of college, I just now realize what I missed. I never went to my prom in high school. I wish I did now.
     
  21. Dec 11, 2004 #20

    Moonbear

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    Would it help at all if I told you that you're far from being the only one in that boat? I've had a lot of students come to me with that problem. They're parents want them to be this or that, and that's what they are paying for college for, but the student doesn't want to do that. They are all really afraid of disappointing their parents, or even that their parents might stop helping them with tuition if they don't do what they are told. The thing is, you're the one that has to live your life, not your parents. If they've done their job, you should be ready to make your own decisions. They can give you the wings, you have to take flight. Usually this problem only occurs with people who are close to their parents, so actually care what they think.

    You just have to sit down and talk to them. Tell them what you want to do, why you want to do it, why their plans for your life just aren't suited for you, and discuss it all very reasonably. If you start to get emotional and scream at them and stomp off in a huff, it won't work, you have to show them you are mature enough to make decisions for yourself. Sometimes it helps if you appease them a bit by telling them you'll keep their plans as a back-up if your new direction doesn't work out.

    I've only known one person whose parents kicked her out of the house when she told them her plans for her future, but she wasn't exactly that mature in her approach, and was from a traditional Indian family that was in the process of arranging a marriage for her when she fell in love with someone at college. I ran into her years later, and in the end, she was better off for the experience (married to her college sweetheart and had a cute kid), so even that one worked out okay in the end. All of the others have had far more understanding parents.
     
  22. Dec 11, 2004 #21

    JasonRox

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    Wow!

    I'm happy person, not so happy right now since I messed this thing up with a girl. Yes Chrono, I messed up.

    Anyways, I'm happy. I don't see why I shouldn't be. My mother (parents separated) doesn't agree with my plans either, and things might get worse when she finds out that I'm more into Pure Math, rather than Physics and Math, which according to her is worse.

    I got a part-time job, so I get to socialize out of school, but I haven't met anyone that I can actually collaborate with on an intelligent level. I met one, but he's not in the same program (Computers), but I talk to him anyways because he's cool but someone with similiar interests would be great.

    I don't go out as I often as I did in high school, but that doesn't bother me. I like the relaxing lifestyle.

    I'm in school to learn, and not to get a degree. A degree is just a bonus, or a piece of paper that reminds you that you wasted 4 years in this place.

    I don't know what I'm talking about.

    Of course, life would be much better if girl problems didn't exist right now.

    Note: 400 posts.
     
  23. Dec 11, 2004 #22
    All guys mess up with girls every once in a while, Jason. I wouldn't worry about it, if you are. Whenever I do something stupid I just put it out of my mind.

    My parents are really understanding at my choice of major. I told my dad that if I were to go for my Masters that it would be in math and he actually agreed with me.

    I remember you saying something about wanting to have somebody you can just talk math with and that he was the closest thing you could find there. I'm sure you realized that it's hard to find people who like math as much as you do.

    I remember a quote by Nietzsche, "Women, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."
     
  24. Dec 11, 2004 #23

    Evo

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    BLUE_CHIP, I understand what you're going through. My dad would only pay for my education as long as he decided what my major would be, and he selected all of my courses. :frown:

    I wanted to be either an archaeologist or an astronomer, but he said I would never make money doing either of those and insisted I get a business degree. :yuck:

    I make a lot of money, which is good since I am single and have to support myself, but I HATE my job. I am not happy. Looking back, I should have worked my way through college and done what I wanted.
     
  25. Dec 11, 2004 #24

    Moonbear

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    My step-niece is working on a PhD in archaeology now (no, I'm not that old, my step-sister had her rather young, and I'm sort of halfway between them in age). My step-sister wanted her to be a lawyer. Fortunately, she had a step-aunt willing to argue on her behalf. I gave my niece similar advice I just gave to Blue_Chip though...follow her dreams, but have a back-up plan. You can get into law school with almost any major, so I suggested she make sure she did well in pre-law classes, and then major in whatever made her happy. Archaeology won. She used to talk about wanting to be a lawyer when she was a kid, but by the time she got to college, I knew it wasn't what she'd really end up doing. I'm glad she found something she's happy with.
     
  26. Dec 11, 2004 #25

    JasonRox

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    Actually I didn't screw up!

    It was all a misunderstanding, which is funny now. I asked her out anyways, but got burned pretty bad and I just laughed. I don't think I'll her out again, but I thought I had it for sure. She asked me out like a few weeks ago, but I wasn't paying attention and I said no, but I wasn't saying no to her. I was saying no to the plans of the date, which is weird. Long story, but funny.

    I'm not saying I can pick up or anything at this point. I just never try and I knew she liked me so I thought it would be nice to go on date, but got BURNED. I also found out some other girl likes me too, so I feel good about that.

    I want a girl for Christmas that's all, or atleast by Valentine's Day.

    How about we make a deal? You get one by Feb. 14 and I'll get one by Feb. 14. This is based on the honour system, so that's all I can say about that.

    You in? I'll PM you updates, like a Reality Story Show.
     
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