Turning a friend into a girlfriend

  1. I'm one of her best friends, she tells me about her boyfriends, her problems, everything, She text-messages me almost everyday. We hang out together at her place, cook together, watch dvds. I make her laugh, comfort her when she is down, whole program. I'm not ugly, either. But still we are just friends. It sucks.

    She is very cute, she constantly has men chasing after her. She also has the problem becoming friendly with men since they rather would turn her into their girlfriend than becoming friends.

    So just telling her, I think would not do. She sees me 100 percent as her friend.

    So what to do? How can I get out of the friendship zone?
     
  2. jcsd

  3. You can't. Either be her friend or move on.

    http://xkcd.com/513/
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2009
  4. Have you noticed any hint of jealousy on her part, when you talk about girls you like?
     
  5. matthyaouw

    matthyaouw 1,216
    Gold Member

    Ask her out. If she says no, move on with your life.

    Sucks, but if she does not like you it is impossible to force her to do so. If you try to manipulate her in to it then you are a horribly selfish person.
     
  6. Oh, Cyrus?

    If she already sees you as a friend and only that then you're probably out of luck. I've heard a lot of women say they know whether or not they'd sleep with someone (If you're not sexually active I'd say this probably translates over.) as soon as they lay eyes on them. If you're her crutch when boyfriend is being an *** and neither of you have made any sort've romantic move yet then it doesn't look good. You also said she's mentioned she's got a problem with her guy friends coming on to her. I wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of "so don't go trying to get in my pants" type of hint. In fact, I'd bet on it.

    You'll just have to tell her how you feel or send some sort've umistakeable signal and hope for the best if you decide to proceed.

    matthyaouw: I don't think "manipulate" is the right word, and I don't think it's selfish. That's pretty much how things are done under normal circumstances... he certainly wouldn't be the only one "spittin' game", as the kids say.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2009
  7. If she hasn't already made it seem like she wants to be more than just friends, then she probably doesn't want to.
    (I had this girl who was a friend who I do like, and she always made these joking comments, like telling me to strip down. I didn't make a move or anything and she eventually got a boyfriend. I don't know if that ship has sailed, but whatever.)

    I wouldn't suggest telling her what you told us, since that might make the friendship kind of awkward or ruin the whole thing completely. Sounds like you have a good friendship thing going, so try to keep that for as long as possible. Maybe she'll eventually come around.
     
  8. Greg Bernhardt

    Staff: Admin

    Friendship zone is a myth. I used to believe in it until I had two long term girl friends (5 year, 3 year) break up with me and immediately start dating a guy friend in our "crew" they'd been close friends with for years. Both girls are now engaged/married.
     
  9. You should make a move on her man. Just something simple like go out for dinner and let her know how much you care for her and stuff. Nothing like 'hey I wanna be with you forever' cause that will make it awkward. You have to let her know you're interested in her and wait and see if she shows any interest back or comes to you. If not then NEXXXXXTTTTT.
     
  10. Evo

    Staff: Mentor

    kexue, are you only being her friend because you want to be her boyfriend? If that's the case, make a move on her and if she rejects you, move along.

    If you started out as only friends and now you want more, go for it, but realize if she's not interested in you romantically, it could make things really awkward.
     
  11. I think if she liked you in a bf/gf kinda way, she would have let you know by now. It's crazy depressing I know, but you got to move on. DON'T tell her how you feel. Do you know how awkward it is when you find out a close friend finds you attractive, but you're not attracted to them? You really shouldn't do that to her.
     
  12. BobG

    BobG 2,364
    Science Advisor
    Homework Helper

    I don't blame Cyrus for getting upset at these threads!

    It isn't the fact that people ask for dating advice on a physics forum that bothers me. It's that their problems are so silly and trivial. So I'm hijacking this thread! I have some serious dating problems that need an immediate solution!

    Does anybody know a quick and easy way to define the shape of a cat using Legendre polynomials, taking into consideration that I probably won't know what type of cat it is ahead of time? This is a serious dating problem that needs a solution by this weekend!
     
  13. for your own sanity either get the ability to just tell her how you feel or move on because these types of "relationships" were one is lusting after another is just not healthy.
     
  14. Since you are not dating there's not much you can do to make her start looking at you in a romantic way at this point. I think this actually narrows your options to the point of simplicity: wait until the next time you are hanging out late at night, watching a movie, just the two of you, a bit tipsy...and just steal yourself a kiss. Then see what she does. She may very well kiss you back. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have any romantic interest in you, and she'll let you know that..and it shouldn't damage your friendship -- the only way it would damage your friendship is if you start acting awkward and sullen after she turns you down.
     
  15. lisab

    Staff: Mentor

    Just assume the cat is spherical.
     
  16. Actually I think you'll need to use the spherical harmonics, which form a complete set of orthogonal functions such that any surface can be expressed as a linear combination of them. All you've got to do is get an approximate functional form for your cat and then calculate the Fourier coefficients. Then, keep adding a few terms randomly until it looks like your cat!

    Oh yeah, about the girl. You could try bombarding her with neutrons and see if she decays into your girlfriend. Heck, you might even get her into an excited state...
     
  17. Thanks everybody!

    OK, so only option is making a move which comes with the very high risk of creating an awkward moment, maybe even ruining the friendship.

    Will think about it.
     
  18. BobG

    BobG 2,364
    Science Advisor
    Homework Helper

    The downside being that radioactive girlfriends are almost as annoying as psychotic girlfriends.
     
  19. I tend to agree...I think the closest you can get to a true friendship zone is AFTER you've slept together, given a try at a relationship, mutually agreed to end it, lost attraction, and decided to remain friends. Either that, or both people have to find the other unattractive from the start.
     
  20. Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain, and nothing last forever. Then again, it's probably a waste of your time to pour a bunch of chemicals into a vat and wait around for an f-15 fighter jet to spontaneously form...
     
  21. If you are friends then it's easy. The next step is to turn her into your booty call. Don't go for a straight relationship. She'll never go for that. If she doesn't have a BF then your chances are good if you play it right.

    WoW man...don't listen to these people! Do not make a move unless you want to ruin your friendship. Your goal is to make her your friendship booty call and not a relationship. If you try to jump in and kiss her, she'll back off and think WTF. You have to talk her into giving you some azz strictly as friendship.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2009
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