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Vampyre for Governor

  1. Jan 14, 2006 #1


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    Posted on Thu, Jan. 12, 2006

    'Vampyre' candidate backs public impaling

    Associated PressMINNEAPOLIS -

    Jonathon Sharkey, also known as "The Impaler", plans to launch his gubernatorial campaign on - when else? - Friday the 13th. He'll make the announcement in Princeton.

    "I'm going to be totally open and honest," said the 41-year-old leader of the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."

    "Unlike other candidates, I'm not going to hide my evil side," he said.
    In Minnesota, anyone who pays the $300 filing fee can get on the gubernatorial ballot and it seems that every year a few eccentric candidates make the rounds.

    Sharkey raises the bar. For one thing, he told the Star Tribune in an e-mail that he drinks blood.

    Including the impaling of terrorists, rapists, drug dealers and other criminals, Sharkey's platform includes emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.

  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 15, 2006 #2


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    :rofl: And his name is Sharkey no less! Talk about truth in advertising! :rofl:
  4. Jan 15, 2006 #3

    Well I don't know what to say.
  5. Jan 15, 2006 #4


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    President Sharkey in 2008

    He has not yet registered as a gubernatorial candidate, but he has already filed as a candidate for the 2008 presidential election.

    Ought to be an interesting election year.
  6. Jan 15, 2006 #5

    I don't see how adding one more blood sucker to the presidential ballot is gonna change anything from what is normal.
  7. Jan 15, 2006 #6


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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  8. Jan 15, 2006 #7

    It would be funny, if I had been joking. :frown:
  9. Jan 15, 2006 #8


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    Oh. :frown:

    I wonder if public impaling would help deter crime?
  10. Jan 15, 2006 #9
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
    imagine how summit meetings with other leaders will look like if he's elected :rofl:
    oh, and the vice president will be a little old hunched man, that will tail him and say "yeeeeeess maaaaaasterrrrr...."
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2006
  11. Jan 15, 2006 #10
    public impaling could be a good preventative measure. you mug somebody, you get impalled. mirroring middle eastern law, and you don't get too many bread-theives around there anymore.

    also, drinking blood? strange belief, to me. wonder how the liver fairs...

    wouldn't be too surprised if he gets mass-support. good ol america.
  12. Jan 15, 2006 #11
    Is he running as an independent, or is he seeking the Republican nomination?
  13. Jan 15, 2006 #12

    Bah, he could just as easily get the Democratic nomination.
  14. Jan 15, 2006 #13
    It bothers me he's running in Minnesota because Minnesota is the state that elected Jesse Ventura, the novelty candidate.
  15. Jan 15, 2006 #14
    It wouldn't matter if it did. Vlad always found a sufficient reason to impale more people, just as Ivan the Terrible always found reasons for his creative public executions, and as the Romans never ran out of reasons to crucify people. In other words, if you like impaling people you'll keep redefining crime in order to have people to impale.
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