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Voice of Democracy Oratory contest.

  1. Oct 20, 2003 #1
    Here is a speech I composed for this years Veterans of Foreign Wars voice of democracy contest. The theme is "My commitment to America's future."

    Ofcourse it is a little soft, as speech's to middle-late age patriots should be made, but I feel that all of my points are valid.

    Anyways, give me opinions, suggestions, and criticism because i worked relatively hard on it and would like to hear what you all think.

    "What has happened in the past is very small in comparison to what will happen in the future", is a powerful quote given by digital media pioneer Nathan Mryvold on the explosion of mass-media in the information age. When I first heard this quote, I learned that many nations will be tested in the next 50-100 years. I wondered which nations would survive this explosion of information. Would it be the dictatorships, which could attempt to shield this new information from their people? Or would it be the democracies, which could buckle under all the new waves of enlightenment? What about America; would America survive this pandemonium of clashing sensationalist ideology?

    When I received the theme of this year’s oratory contest, my commitment to America’s future. I thought about what America’s future would hold. You see, I believe society is at a critical point, possibly the most critical point it has ever encountered. This amplitude of information, which is unprecedented in history, is saturating every realm of our populace and it is awakening every mind which notices it.

    I spend a lot of time surfing the Internet. I browse forums where millions of minds around the world gather their thoughts and ideas for prosperity. I often times see young minds that are corrupted by misinformation. What a tragedy it is to see an impressionable mind exploited at the whim of another. I sometimes wonder if all of this freedom is good for our nation. I fear that all of the monumental progress accomplished by our forefathers be washed down the drain by a minority of manipulated ignorant victims. I wonder if there is such a thing as too much freedom? I question how we can allow our sons and daughters to be victimized by a revolution of false hope.

    I was stuck; I wasn’t sure what commitment I should make to America. Should I encourage control in the media? No, that would be limiting free speech and defying the constitution. Should I let our young minds be exposed to this information, and hope that they exercise rationality and reasonability? No, I couldn’t take that chance. There had to be an answer.

    A few days later during my mass-media class, we were reading an article on the history of the media in America and that’s where I came across the most beautiful quote I had ever read; it was my answer. It was written by the English poet and scholar John Milton, he said; “Though all the winds of doctrine were let loose to play upon the earth, so truth be in the field, we do injuriously by licensing and prohibiting to misdoubt her strength. Let her and falsehood grapple; who ever knew truth put to the worse, in a free and open encounter.” What Milton was saying was that although there are infinitely many untruths floating around in society, truth will always be there to identify and correct them. What a powerful mechanism of democracy; you see, we need not worry about this information revolution hurting our beloved children. We can always rely on truth, both steadfast and loyal, to light our path on this unsure frontier of freedom.

    My commitment to America’s future is true and unwavering because I have found truth; rather, truth has found me; and I will help guide all of those failing to see it with consciousness and benevolence. I will defend America’s Ideal whether it is in the voting booth on Election Day, or while waiting for the bus on 42nd and Dodge St.. My commitment to America’s future is only to make sure that truth is allowed to wield her mighty axe, and correspondingly to let justice and prosperity follow.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 21, 2003 #2

    GENIERE

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    Your opening begins with a quote but several sentences occur before the reason for citing the quote is known. I think putting the second paragraph first would do it. My comments are {contained in brackets}. I have zip expertise in writing so talke it for what it’s worth.

    "What has happened in the past is very small in comparison to what will happen in the future", is a powerful quote given by digital media pioneer Nathan Mryvold on the explosion of mass-media in the information age {…on the explosive growth of information available to the public} When I first heard this quote, I learned {you learned this from the quote?} that many nations would be tested {how tested} in the next 50-100 years {50-100, fact or supposition?}. I wondered which nations {political systems would best survive} would survive this explosion {…survive easy access to information} of information. Would it be the dictatorships, which { limit access to information} could attempt to shield this new information {new information or more information or just information in general?} from their people? Or would it be the democracies, which could buckle {that may buckle} under {an enlightened pubic} all the new waves of enlightenment? What about America; would America survive this pandemonium of clashing sensationalist ideology? {Can America survive a multitude of conflicting ideals?}

    {When I considered my commitment to Americas future, I wondered what challenges await us} When I received the theme of this year’s oratory contest, my commitment to America’s future. I thought about what America’s future would hold. You see, {omit I see} I believe society is at a critical point {what’s a critical point and why are we at it}, possibly the most critical point it has ever encountered. This amplitude {volumn} of information, which is unprecedented in history {redundant, omit- in history}, is saturating every realm of our populace {saturating the land-I don’t know what the realm of our pupulace means} and it is awakening {stirring} every mind which notices it {each mind that absorbs it}.

    I spend a lot of time surfing the Internet. {When surfing the net I visit many forums wherein} I browse forums where millions {of people} of minds {from} around the world gather {share their thoughts and ideals} their thoughts and ideas for prosperity {for prosperity?? or for posterity}. {Its made me aware of young people who are…} I often times see young minds {you can see young minds??} that are corrupted by misinformation. What a tragedy it is to see an impressionable mind {you can’t see impressionable minds either} exploited at the whim of another {exploited by others}. I sometimes wonder if {limiting access to information may be a better choice for our nation} all of this freedom is good for our nation. I fear that all of the monumental progress accomplished by our forefathers {may} be washed down the drain {may be trashed by} by a minority of manipulated ignorant victims. I wonder if there is such a thing as too much freedom? I question how we can allow our sons and daughters { children} to be victimized by a revolution of false hope.{what’s a revolution of false hope?}

    I was stuck {stymied by conflicting thoughts} ; I wasn’t sure what commitment I should make to America. Should I encourage control in the media? No, that would be limiting free speech and defying the constitution. Should I let our young minds {people} be exposed to this information, and hope that they exercise rationality and reasonability? No, I couldn’t take that chance. There had to be an answer.

    A few days later {later from what} during my mass-media class, we were reading an article on the history of the media in America {that contained the most beautiful…} and that’s where I came across the most beautiful {inspiring} quote I had ever read; it was my answer. It was written by the English poet and scholar John Milton, he said {wrote}; “Though all the winds of doctrine were let loose to play upon the earth, so truth be in the field, we do injuriously by licensing and prohibiting to misdoubt her strength. Let her and falsehood grapple; who ever knew truth put to the worse, in a free and open encounter.” What Milton was saying {are you sure you can properly paraphrase Milton? It might be safer to write… I believe Milton was telling us…}was that although there are infinitely many untruths floating around in society, truth will always be there to identify and correct them. What a powerful mechanism of democracy; you see {you see…bleh, bleh}, we need not worry about this information revolution {information revolution???} hurting {harming} our beloved children. We can always rely on truth, both steadfast and loyal {steadfast and loyal truth??}, to light our path on this unsure frontier of freedom. {to guide us into the future}

    My commitment to America’s future is true and unwavering because I have found truth; rather, truth has found me; and I will help guide all of those failing to see it with consciousness and benevolence. I will defend America’s Ideal whether it is in the voting booth on Election Day, or while waiting for the bus on 42nd and Dodge St.. My commitment to America’s future is only to make sure that truth is allowed to wield her mighty axe, and correspondingly to let justice and prosperity follow. {this paragraph seems a little grandiose to me and I’m not sure it’s possible to commit to the future or defend an ideal}
    Mattius:
     
  4. Oct 21, 2003 #3
    Very thorough Geniere, I read the whole thing very closely and I think that many of your recommendations are valid. I liked many of your prose suggestions which could make the speech much for concise and to the point. I too feel that the end is too grandiose, but I wasnt sure how else to answer the theme... I tried to apply it to reality a little by saying that I would vote and speak for America, but im not sure I pulled it off.

    Anyways, thanks for critiquing my speech, I appreciate it.
     
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