Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

Was I Too Forgiving?

  1. Oct 21, 2008 #1
    My year and a half relationship was abruptly ended last winter, and I was left an emotional and mental wreck for quite some time. However, last night I talked to my ex again and decided to let all of that baggage go and become friends with her. I've felt better about a lot of things because of it, but do you think I was too forgiving towards her after the damage she caused me?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 21, 2008 #2

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    You are the only one that can decide that. Do what feels right for *you*. I personally don't hold grudges, but that doesn't mean I will ever let that person back into my life. If a person has done something that to me doesn't make them worthy of my friendship, they are not getting a second chance, I get rid of them and don't look back.
     
  4. Oct 21, 2008 #3
    I would never get back into a relationship with her. A friendship is where it stays at this point for the rest of my life. I just felt like the hurt I received from our falling out was all pent up, and I didn't want to carry that baggage anymore. I don't care about what happened anymore, I just want to carry on.
     
  5. Oct 21, 2008 #4
    Nopes,
    Forgiving others make(should) you happier/atleast great (unbiased statement)
     
  6. Oct 21, 2008 #5
    If you are truly healed from the breakup then friendship is great, but if not, it is dangerous.
     
  7. Oct 21, 2008 #6
    I think for the most part I'm healed from it. I know the reasons why it happened, which I waited so long for, but with that piece of knowledge I can say I have my closure.
     
  8. Oct 21, 2008 #7

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    Depends on what happened, basically what Evo is saying implicitly.

    If she just broke up with you because the feelings she had for you came to an end, that's normal and you shouldn't hold it against her at all. Being friends here is legit.

    I think the only thing that came stop me from being friends with an ex would be with someone who manipulated me or tried to.

    Note: So someone can "cheat" on me, and I won't care.
     
  9. Oct 21, 2008 #8

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    I am best friends with several guys I used to date, but we just realized that we weren't romantically suitable, or we just drifted apart. They never did anything to hurt me or betray my trust.

    Different strokes for different folks. I have to question if you really aren't feeling that you are making some kind of concession in doing this, otherwise, why would you be posting this? What makes you uncomfortable about this decision?
     
  10. Oct 21, 2008 #9
    Well I don't want to go into too much detail about it since its personal, but as far back as 2-3 months before our relationship ended, she was deeply interested in this other guy. Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me and her broke up. And our relationship wasn't some flimsy thing either. We went through a lot in that year and a half span. It was almost like being married. So that kind of struck a huge blow to me. But what really struck me good was she evaded from telling me why she broke up with me for quite some time. It took me to make up a screen name and pretend to be someone else to finally get answers out of her. All of which were fabrications, that even if they were true she never communicated to me or attempted to fix while we were dating.

    Those two things are what brought a lot of damage to me, but as I've said knowing the reasons, whether they're fabrications or not, at least provides me some closure on this whole thing.
     
  11. Oct 21, 2008 #10
    I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.
     
  12. Oct 21, 2008 #11
    Ironically that depends on what did happen.
     
  13. Oct 22, 2008 #12

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    Forgiveness doesn't imply vulnerability, and I'm not sure why you think it's a negative thing to forgive? Like Evo, I tend to think that if you're asking the question, something still isn't feeling right to you and you're hoping someone will validate your worries. Maybe you aren't quite over the break-up yet, or maybe you still have lingering feelings, or maybe you're sensing that she's using you or manipulating you in some way.

    It's not like this is an irreversible decision. You can always decide later that it's not feeling right trying to be friends, and walk away again.
     
  14. Oct 22, 2008 #13

    Art

    User Avatar

    I'm sorry now but that is creepy!!
     
  15. Oct 22, 2008 #14

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    Seems like you're more bummed out about the sex than anything else.
     
  16. Oct 22, 2008 #15
    I feel alright about my decision. I was just bothered by that aspect of it.
     
  17. Oct 23, 2008 #16
    As someone who has been around the block a time or two let me throw this out: It is entirely possible that the 'fake screen-name' move didn't work as well as you thought. Alot of women seem to have pretty good intuition. She may have known very well that you were not who you were posing as and you were actually good ol' lightbulbsun. This would be the reason she gave you fabrications. Did you later tell her that you posed as someone else? If so did you tell her that you know those reasons she gave you were fabrications? If you didn't bring any of this out in the open to her after you have become 'just friends' then you are only interested in revenge no matter how much it feels like you are not. You won't very good friends if you continue to lie to each other. I know because I've been taught by some of the best.
     
Know someone interested in this topic? Share this thread via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook

Have something to add?



Similar Discussions: Was I Too Forgiving?
  1. I am just too judgementa (Replies: 10)

Loading...