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What are you supposed to do in these situations?

  1. Jan 10, 2010 #1
    By learning from the past one can be better in the future. So I'm curious if by any chance anyone has any advice on what to do in these situations?

    1. Earlier at a place I worked there was a woman who would often smile and give me girly waves. One time she was doing something with her teeth. Although I had no intention of flirting, I said, "You shouldn't do that, it could hurt your teeth." Then all of a sudden she smiled, leaned forward and said, "So... Why are you interested in my teeth! :smile:" with a big grin. I didn't do anything because I thought it might have been possible she was flirting but you never know. So that I can learn from past experiences, what are you supposed to do in a situation like this? If I were to say, "Well, when I said that I wasn't trying to imply anything, but when I think about it you do look like you would be fun to kiss," I could be wrong but that probably would be very awkward. If I say, "Well, you know you don't want to hurt your teeth," if she was actually trying to flirt then would that have been any better at giving something back than how I reacted in this situation by not responding back at all? I have a blank mind on how to deal with situations like these, just like when you go to the park and see birds moving around and you have no clue what they're doing. However, maybe knowing what others would have done in this situation may help me come up with my own ideas.

    2. Another experience I've been curious about, earlier in college there was a woman in one of my classes who would always smile and sit next to me in class. Then each day after class she would walk with me and talk until she got to the building which had her next class. It didn't matter where I'd sit, she would always sit next to me and then walk and talk after class. I'd try experimenting by sitting in different places. At the same time, there was this one guy in class who'd act very friendly toward her. One day she walked in class, paused, looked at him, then me, then him, then me, smiled, and came over and sat next to me, even if she sat next to me each day we had this class anyway. So after two months of this, I decided to ask her on date. This is how I asked her, "My roommates are going snow shoeing Saturday. Would you like to come with me?" (someone else told me that's how people ask others on dates and that you're supposed to speak clearly when you say the "like to come with me" part because it's awkward if a woman thinks it's a group activity but then finds out when she gets there it's a date instead; but I don't really know how you're supposed to ask) When I asked her that, she told me that she would have to see because she thought she was doing something with her roommates and would let me know the next day we had class. Then that next class time she didn't sit next to me, although she always did in the past. After class she got up and walked out of class quickly. It took some effort to catch up, and she said she found out that she wasn't doing something with her roommates that day, but rather had a meeting for some committee she was in. Then she seemed very hesitant and awkward and said, "I'm ... dating this guy." It was weird because each class after that incident until the end of the semester she would still keep on sitting next to me no matter where I sat and would talk to me. I also felt awkward each day in class, because of that one time when I asked her on that date.
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 10, 2010 #2
    So if a woman you are attracted to smiles and leans forward, "So why are you interested in my teeth?" what would you do in a situation like that? What would other men do?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2010
  4. Jan 10, 2010 #3
    Personally taking into account my current life, I would ignore it and keep on moving with my life ...
  5. Jan 10, 2010 #4


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    You didn't indicate in the OP you were attracted to them. In fact, you said you had "no intention of flirting," which I took to mean you were NOT attracted. If you're attracted, who cares if they were trying to flirt or not? Just ask and find out. If they weren't interested back, then move on. If they were, you'd have your answer and could proceed. It's really NOT that complicated.
  6. Jan 10, 2010 #5
    I was quite attracted to both of them! What I was saying was with the first one when I said, "You shouldn't do that, you could hurt your teeth," I wasn't intentionally trying to hit on her at the time. However she may have took it that way when she all of a sudden smiled, leaned forward and said, "So... Why are you interested in my teeth!" with a big grin. I don't know how to act in situations like these. In the second scenario if I tried asking the woman out then obviously I'm attracted. Since there's a pattern of this happening over again, then it may be possible that learning how to deal with situations like these two may help for the future.

    Since this is the relationships forum and I obviously have some problems reading women and knowing how to react, I'd thought perhaps someone may have advice, or perhaps a sample scenario of how some may react/do things differently. Since people like Cyrus take it for granted that they have excellent social skills, they just laugh instead. I could be wrong, but perhaps other PF'ers who visit the "Relationships" forum could benefit from knowing how to deal with situations like this.

    In the first one as far as asking to find out, if I would have said, "Why are you smiling and leaning forward?" couldn't that be awkward to ask questions like that? I'm just trying to figure out how people usually react in situations like these?
  7. Jan 10, 2010 #6
    No, not a mathematical models/graphs/scientific method thread, but rather a legitimate question to see how people usually react/act in situations like these. Since it's a reoccuring pattern, perhaps other PF'ers who visit a "Relationships" forum may have or gain insight from this.
  8. Jan 10, 2010 #7
    No really, this is a legitimate question. Hasn't there ever been a time in your life when you were attracted to someone and you didn't know how to react/act? Well just because you two have excellent social skills and take it for granted doesn't mean others on PF won't benefit from any insights on this thread.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2010
  9. Jan 10, 2010 #8


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    I might come back with: "It's hard not to look at you." and smile. If I were a complete fool, I'd mutter something about a "bee to a flower".

    It's a good balance between the risk of being too forward and doing nothing at all.

    It allows her to make the next step closer - or farther. Flirting is a dance.
  10. Jan 10, 2010 #9
    I don't know how you reached that conclusion. I don't have sufficient skills to engage in any kind of intimate relationship - neither time - hence I was honest in my answer that I would not indulge myself thinking about that. If you are interested in finding the answers more than anything else go out play sports/clubs/... Either stop thinking about that and do what is of more priority or take some actions.
  11. Jan 10, 2010 #10
    The only reason I thought you took it for granted was Cyrus and you seemed to be making fun of me for asking a question like this (before those other posts were taken out). I'm sorry if I misread you.

    If situations like this with women aren't just a one time incident, then learning from mistakes may be useful in knowing how to react/act in the future. If I move on, then when it happens again (which there's a pattern here) wouldn't it just be better if I learn what men usually do in situations like these two?
  12. Jan 10, 2010 #11
    Its not like you can apply a set standard of rules because each situation and circumstance is unique. In my opinion you did the right thing in case number 2, you saw someone you liked and you took a chance, sure it didn't work out but at least you tried.

    Its not easy to face rejection, but if you dont you will never know success in your relationships.
  13. Jan 10, 2010 #12

    Math Is Hard

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    Have you ever had a girlfriend, 27Thousand? If so, did she flirt with you before you started dating?
  14. Jan 10, 2010 #13
    This is second/third time you brought that same story again. Continuously ignoring the advices of other people?
  15. Jan 10, 2010 #14
    I agree it'll depend on the situation and you need to take risks. Where I'm coming from is if I know how normal people would have reacted in the first and would have gone about reading the other person in the second situation, maybe it'll give me some insights the next time something happens.

    Hmm, so the second situation you thought was okay what I did? So how about in the first situation? How do women prefer men to respond?

    Concerning the second situation, I asked on Yahoo!Answers and some girl said I could have tried lightly flirting with her to read how she reacts (kind of like Dave said with flirting being a dance). The girl on Yahoo!Answers said one possibility is to lightly touch her on the arm when joking around with her or when trying to get her attention. If she seems uncomfortable, then the answer is probably no. If she smiles, laughs, or something flirty, then it means it's more likely that she's interested (even if not a given it can give more or less confidence).
  16. Jan 10, 2010 #15
    No I haven't had a girlfriend, which is why I'm asking questions in the Relationships forum. I understand part of relationships is being real so having an algorithm saying "this and this will guarantee a date" will cause problems for that. However knowing if she'd be receptive or possibilities for how a guy can respond to how women act won't make it any less sincere.

    I mean, if she's interested and I'm interested and I do something to find out if she's receptive, that wouldn't cause any harm would it? Knowing how many other men act in those situations wouldn't either?
  17. Jan 10, 2010 #16
    What part of what you're saying am I not picking up on or do you think I'm ignoring?

    In that other thread I wasn't aware that someone gave specific suggestions for what men do in those two situations, but rather they were discussing the practicality of mathematical models instead (which I'm not going to bring up math in this thread). This thread is curious about situations, not math.
  18. Jan 10, 2010 #17
    Do you think you are not normal? Why?

    As for the rest, well, snow-shoeing is not exactly a sure-fire way to get a girl to go out with you. I mean, honestly, if a girl asked me to go snow-shoeing, well, she'd have to be pretty friggin' hot to get me to agree.
  19. Jan 10, 2010 #18
    This is why I don't think I'm normal https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?p=2306921#post2306921". Although it doesn't diagnose you nor say if you have it, it has been tested to do a good job of saying "how much you have the traits associated with it", using a control and experimental group. So even if it doesn't mean anything at all, I still have social issues. Ask Dave about it. Also ask Evo she closed down another thread I had saying I should go get help.

    I didn't go on my first date until age 22, and have only been on a few group dates, no one on one dates. I think it has more to do with reading people and knowing how to react, rather than what people think of me.

    So maybe that's why I'm asking PF, since they may help jump start social skills here. Dave was suggesting how flirting is like a dance.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2017
  20. Jan 10, 2010 #19
    Well, you're approaching this the wrong way, is the best advice I can give you. You can't hope to find out what a 'normal' person would do, and then try to 'emulate' that in the future. Flat out won't work. People are unique. You're gonna have to find your own unique way to approach these kinds of situations, that works for you.

    What do you think you should have done, when the girl grinned at you and said the thing about the teeth?
  21. Jan 10, 2010 #20
    Something that you possibly may want to consider, some say that they watch how other people do things and see if it works for them. Since I try that and I have a lot of trouble observing and figuring out what's going on in a situation, social instinct/gut feeling, perhaps asking others what they sometimes do in situations like this may help. You know how some people are visual learners, etc, and they learn better with their style? Well whenever I take those tests I'm a logical and verbal learner. So why not learn the way I find most natural?

    As far as what I can brainstorm is to say something like, "You look like you'd be fun to kiss," which would probably scare her away. Or something like, "Well ... You know, it's always good for when you go on dates."

    Or something like: Me, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Woman asking about teeth, "No." Me, "Excellent! I mean NO! That's terrible!" That would also probably be too strong. You see why I want to find out what may be taken as normal?
  22. Jan 10, 2010 #21
    You shouldn't concern yourself with how "normal" people would react to the situation (who decides whose normal anyway) just go with what you feel. For example in that first situation, if you actually had a genuine interest in that girl, indicate it by doing something like smiling, touching her arm etc. Dave gave some pretty good situations on how to flirt.
  23. Jan 10, 2010 #22
    Based on your age and posts, I think you should look into professional help via a psychiatrist. This is several standard deviations beyond any help we can give you. (I don't mean this in a nasty sarcastic way.)
  24. Jan 10, 2010 #23
    NO NO NO. I am sure as heck not the expert on relationships because I am not really interested in anything long term.

    The most important rule is:
    if she flirts with you, flirt back but dont over do it.

    Never initiate the flirting, you can talk with the compliments and all that, but getting to flirtatious is creepy.

    Also having a tan, playing sports or doing something awesome (snowboarding gets chicks like no other) and being muscular helps a ton.

    I have no clue if this helped at all, but kiss her and bring her home my boy!
  25. Jan 10, 2010 #24
    27Thousand, I do not think you will ever succeed, but I do not think you should ever give up trying. It's what you want, and I don't think you'll be happy unless you continue experimenting and learning.

    I do have a specific piece of information to give you, which is that you don't ever actually need to formally ask a girl out for her to eventually end up as your girlfriend. All my girlfriends resulted from a series of rather informal and casual situations in which there was never any official date.

    It is possible to ruin an embryonic relationship by pressuring the girl way too early on to think of your relationship as potentially romantic, which is what happens whenever you officially ask a girl out. I think this may be what happened in your second story. She wasn't at a point to do anything so definite as a date. She was still checking you out to see what you were about.
  26. Jan 11, 2010 #25
    Thanks zoobyshoe,

    So one thing I'm trying to figure out is if I should have treated the second situation differently, how should I have done it? Some say that waiting two months was the problem and that I should have not waited so long because perhaps she got a boyfriend in the meantime. Then that one girl on Yahoo!Answers said that I should test the waters by flirting and see how a woman respond back, for example that touching on the arm thing I mentioned earlier. So I'm just confused.

    For example, what are some ideas of what to have done differently?
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