What is wrong with men?

  1. honestrosewater

    honestrosewater 2,329
    Gold Member

    What is wrong with men?!?

    Of course I don't think the same thing is wrong with all of them. :tongue2: That's just my way of saying that I'm sad and frustrated because I'd like to not be alone for the rest of my life, but I don't know what to do about it.

    (Men and women,) What would you expect your spouse-type partner person to give up in order to have a happy relationship with you?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Hurkyl

    Hurkyl 16,089
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    There's nothing wrong with being alone. :tongue2: Surely it beats trying to get into a bad relationship just so you're in a relationship?
     
  4. Pengwuino

    Pengwuino 7,118
    Gold Member

    Free will.
     
  5. russ_watters

    Staff: Mentor

    Give up? Besides loneliness? I'm surprised to even hear that question.... :confused: :confused:
     
  6. honestrosewater

    honestrosewater 2,329
    Gold Member

    Exactly.

    So will you marry me? Or, wait... what was I saying?
     
  7. honestrosewater

    honestrosewater 2,329
    Gold Member

    Why? I didn't mean to exclude "nothing" as a possible answer. But surely you expect them to give up some things -- I didn't see any reason to sugarcoat it. Maybe trade would have been a better word?

    BTW, I'm just wondering what some people's expectations are. I think I already know for the most part what I would or would not be willing to sacrifice.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  8. Well then what is wrong with women?!?! :tongue:
     
  9. i'm shallow, i want my husband to be smart and physically attractive... plus i need someone a bit open minded but not a pushover. a good, but unique sense of humor and loves to smile. he has to like cats, and music and appreciate art. confidence is always good, but cocky is very bad. i want someone who's realistic, but with a good imagination. Someone who'll support my crazy ideas, but protect me when i get too wild. i need someone who's solid as a rock on the outside but with a sweet caring center. other than that, anyone'll do.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  10. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
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    Certainly nothing important. If it's something central to a man's values or something necessary for his happiness, I'd never want him to give that up for me. Only resentment and bitterness could grow from this. I would just conclude that we weren't meant to be partners. Que sera sera, or whatever it was Doris Day said.

    The same is true about what I am willing to sacrifice. For instance, I've dated several men who were allergic to cats and dogs, and a life without animals is not something I can imagine. I just have to wish these men well and say goodbye, and hope we can remain friends.

    If I had to choose a single life with my animals over a married life without them, I would choose the single life every time. My animals bring too much meaning to my life; I couldn't give that up for anything.

    All the little stuff is up for negotiation. It's just not always easy to see what the little stuff is. I think you just have to make out a list and decide what's up for bargaining and what's not.

    But HRW, you are too young to even be thinking about settling down anyway.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  11. Pengwuino

    Pengwuino 7,118
    Gold Member

    Have fun being single.
     
  12. honestrosewater

    honestrosewater 2,329
    Gold Member

    Well, this is one area of my life that I've probably neglected. I'm just now starting to think about it. Ideally, I think the kind of relationship that I'm talking about is just two autonomous, complete individuals who enjoy spending time with each other and making each other happy -- and I'd like to just leave it at that. But I'm not sure that that actually works in practice; it seems like there are complications... and they would start to expect each other to follow certain rules and such. Meh, I don't know.

    Edit: See, for instance, I didn't even mean to say "two people". Monogamy is one of those things that I haven't found a justification for in theory, but in practice, anything else doesn't seem to work.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  13. Greg Bernhardt

    Staff: Admin

    I felt lonely living by myself this past summer... so I got a cat, problem solved. Relationships are overrated. (sour grapes?) If anyone wants to be my backup lets do it. honestrosewater if we aren't married by the time we're 40 (you're 23 and I'm 22). I'll marry you. :smile: :tongue2:
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  14. yeah, like you should talk!

    sides, at least i have apposable thumbs.
     
  15. Pengwuino

    Pengwuino 7,118
    Gold Member

    :surprised :surprised :surprised :surprised

    At least i can swim!
     
  16. so can i....???? DER

    ....stupid penguin....
     
  17. Pengwuino

    Pengwuino 7,118
    Gold Member

    not for 20 hours straight
     
  18. i'd try, but thats probably all part of your master plan to drown me.
     
  19. i used to free-up all the time that i could to be with my first love,
    i loved being with her, and wanted to spend as much time as i could with her, i expected her to feel the same way... but she wanted more free time with herself or with others.
    obviousely we broke-up.

    since then i realized the space has to be right for both people, so theres no point in demanding more.
    when you give more then you get in a relationship, you should just give less, not expect to get more.
    im not saying you should examine every time what he/she did for you lately, that'll end a relationship too, give what feels right for you, never be too dependant.
    and i seem to have cured from the need to be with someone lots of time, i dont mind being alone, and i dont mind seeing the one i love once a week, i think id even prefer it right now...
    and i have to agree being single is not that bad at all.


    anyway, regard my words with suspicion, i had only 4 relationships so far, and none of them were for more then 6 months...
    im very picky -and- shy, so i have to wait someone would hit on me, and then see if she passes my standards... (smart and funny, and she should think that im funny too - what?! i am! :tongue2: she can lie about it :biggrin: )



    to conclude id say, dont make anyone give up on anything, and you should give up things only if it feels right.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2006
  20. Yo are 23... you have lots of time.

    You should not have to abstain from anything that makes you who you are (as long as it is not illegal, and I am no hedonist, so group "activities" are an exception as well).

    If he likes to hang out with his friends every friday(for example), then that is what he likes to do and that is who he is, accept it.

    falling in love should require no sacrifices to change one person or the other into a more ideal person for the sake of either partner. Requesting such from your partner, or they from you is self-centered and emotionally immature.
     
  21. Yeah... you can pick those up at at the drug store... it is a doll called the "perfect man"
     
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