im 21 years old and i have done absolutely nothing in my life. i havent taken the sat,act, or any type of college entrance exams. i am stuck in a rut and i dont see a way to get my life moving. i have made so many mistakes in my life. there are so many regrets i have. i remember not having the money to take the sat. a teacher who saw great promise in me gave me the 45 dollars to take the test. i bought a fat sack of weed instead. i remember slacking off in school. i recently got myself into a whole crapload of legal trouble that has snowballed, which is a great source of anxiety for me. what i have against me: i have been diagnosed with several mental disorders (severe obsessive compulsive disorder, crippling anxiety and depression, adhd, mild bipolar disorder, intermittent explosive disorder) I am on probation, i have a pending felony charge against me for which i will probably have to serve time(let alone have a felony on my record, which will slam shut the door to success in my freaking face). I did abhorrently in school because i was a slacker, a stoner, and had the misguided idea of "wanting to be a nonconformist like everybody else". god i hate myself for slacking off in school. i could have gone so far by now. i had so much promise. What i have going for me: i have an iq in the 130's, i have an intense interest in physics and mathematics,(over the past year i have taught myself mathematics, from what i should have learnt in high school and now i am learning the subject material of calculus 3 and differential equations. a great accomplishment to teach myself all this, i think) in particular i am interested in numerical analysis, and the beauty of the algorithms used to accomplish what no analytic approach can. I find great intrigue and beauty in the equations of fluid mechanics(although i have not yet reached the point where i can understand the navier stokes equations) but as i smoke my cigarette i watch the smoke curl and diverge upwards and i see great beauty in the smoothness of the flow. right now im in the mixed state of mania and depression(i quit taking my meds a while ago because i was feeling manic and quite good), the mood swings are intense now and i fear the crash from which i will not come back up. but anyway, i feel there is no way for me to succeed at life. i want to make a name for myself, i want to be remembered. but i see no way of that happening. between having slacked off in school, getting in legal trouble, and the many more mistakes that seemed inconsequential at the time, i see that i can only be a failure at life. how can a (soon to be) convicted felon who has slacked off for 21 years do something with his life?