What to do about best friend and this girl problem?

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In summary, the guy's friend is texting the girl excessively after she has been "date-cheated" on her ex-boyfriend with you. He is not showing the texts to you, which is probably the best thing to do. You should talk to the girl and let her know that you are still interested in her.
  • #1
TheKracken
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Hello all, so I recently broke up with my girl of a year and so I've been trying to go on dates. I went on a kind of date with a girl I had a crush on for years back in high school. It went decently fineand was very touchy, but then after the date she starts messaging my friend and let's him know she has a boyfriend who just dumped her (after our date...LOL Karma is a *****) Anyways, my guy friend is messaging her like crazy as she complains away about her boyfriend and of course my friend seems to be comforting and flirting with her. He won't let me see the messages though. I messaged her now (ex) boyfriend what happened tonight (just in case he considers getting back together with her). Anyways, is this a douche move by my really good friend (if not best)? I am sitting here hurt a lot and he is just messaging her like crazy...not sure what to think because I really was into this chick. But that may be just because I am recently broken up and the fact I liked her for so long.

So the question is pretty much, what do I do? Is what he is doing wrong of him? Or should I just let it happen as she is not mine and what she did (kind of cheated on her boyfriend) so she will probably do the same to him?
 
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  • #2
Lets see.
Girl has boyfriend.
Girl goes out with you.
Boyfriend dumps girl.
Girl-your friend begin texting like crazy.
You text ex-boyfriend of girl.

You are in the dumps as she "date-cheated" on boyfriend with you, and is now "text-cheating" on you with your friend?
If she does not acknowledge or give a reply to your texts, then I guess she has moved on to expand her playing field. Anyways, it has been only a few days, so maybe let things ride out a bit. She just might want to get some stuff off her plate and finds that your friend is an easy guy to do so with, rather than with you.

Other than that there is not much you can do to stop the texting. How would you do that - take their phones away? If they start seeing each other, but you did not say that is happening just yet, then that would be a different hurdle to cross.

So,
she did (kind of cheated on her boyfriend) so she will probably do the same to him?
is just a rationalization on your part at the present moment. You do not know that at all.

By the way communication between her and him is private, and while understandably irritating, his not showing you the texts is the proper thing to do on his part, so your friend at least, does have some character.

I usually give crappy advice, since my name is not Ann Landers.:-p

hang in there.
 
  • #3
You went on a date with her, so she knows that you're at least interested in her. Talk to her and let her know that you're still interested in her.

After that all you can do is let her decide what she wants to do. Maybe she has issues to sort out with her ex-boyfriend. Maybe she's more interested in your friend who's messaging her. I know that can be hard to accept, but if that's how the ball bounces, that's how it bounces and really all you can do is move on.
 
  • #4
You're acting crazy.

For one, the crazy jealously of a girl you aren't even with will at best drive her away further, at worst, make her take out a restraining order on you. If she decides to spread them for your friend, there’s nothing you can do about that. You would be better served by not caring at all, like you should.

You’re putting a girl that obviously has issues on a pedestal. There is no reason for someone in a relationship to go on a touchy feely date with another individual. None. That should be red flag number one. You’re once again single, and single is great. It gives you ample opportunity to fool around with chicks like this until you manage to find one not so crazy. They’re all crazy, but the goal is to find one that won’t drive you completely insane.

You also have trust issues, obviously. If you’re going to be a relationship, you have to trust. So when you get done playing the field— hopefully— by then you will have the maturity to actually trust the person you’re with. Can you ever trust this woman? It doesn’t sound like it. So why bother?

This isn't to say you can't sleep with her, by all means if the opportunity presents itself, but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to be in a relationship and especially with this girl.
 
  • #5
Yes, now that I have some sleep under my belt I do realize I am being a bit crazy. We were both sleep deprived and of course we are both young (friend and I) so with me, emotions were flying. I was just kinda curious if it is cool for a friend to do that? I guess he can do what he wants, but I wouldn't do that to him. But I just also have a moral issue with cheat. Which means I shouldn't care about this girl anymore anyways. I appreciate all of you (especially student100) for putting this situation into perspective for me. I am sure I will be posting a topic about how to find smart, beautiful, high quality girls soon enough. Not sure what kind of activities I should participate for that :P
 
  • #6
TheKracken said:
Yes, now that I have some sleep under my belt I do realize I am being a bit crazy. We were both sleep deprived and of course we are both young (friend and I) so with me, emotions were flying. I was just kinda curious if it is cool for a friend to do that? I guess he can do what he wants, but I wouldn't do that to him. But I just also have a moral issue with cheat. Which means I shouldn't care about this girl anymore anyways. I appreciate all of you (especially student100) for putting this situation into perspective for me. I am sure I will be posting a topic about how to find smart, beautiful, high quality girls soon enough. Not sure what kind of activities I should participate for that :P

One thing you learn with time: don't make big decisions when you're tired. Certainly, don't decide end a good friendship - those are much more valuable than you realize. Give it a couple days to settle out, get some sleep, exercise a lot...then revisit the problem and see how it looks from that point of view.
 
  • #7
OMG, you have created a terrible mess. The best possible result is losing the girl and your friend. They will both blame you eventually. It's a lose lose proposition. I would avoid her like the plague - at least until she sorts out her issues. That still might be complicated.
 
  • #8
A footnote: How could you ever trust her again after this episode. Is that somebody you really want to live with? Attraction is fabulous, but, trust is more important, IMO.
 
  • #9
Just let her be, consider what happened as solid proof of what she is like and you had best steer clear. If your friend gets over his euphoria he should also realize that this chick ain't worth the trouble. You're hurting because you didn't expect that, well now you know what women are capable of..or should I say "girls" - sounds pretty young from the behavious, but then again who knows.

My advice to you, women or girls or whatever, come and go like seasonal flu, but your better of friends stay for a looooong time. Friends > shady first date+losing your mind over it.
 
  • #10
I think you should definitely tell your buddy you banged his girl. He will respect and admire you for your honesty ... but, probably not until after he kills you.
 

Related to What to do about best friend and this girl problem?

What should I do if my best friend is dating the girl I like?

It can be difficult when your best friend starts dating someone you have feelings for. It's important to respect your friend's relationship and not try to interfere or sabotage it. If you still have feelings for this girl, it's best to talk to your friend about it and see if they are comfortable with you pursuing her. If not, it's important to focus on your friendship and try to move on from your feelings for her.

How can I tell if my best friend's girlfriend is not a good fit for him?

It's understandable to be concerned if you feel like your best friend's girlfriend is not a good match for him. However, it's important to remember that it's ultimately your friend's decision who he wants to date. If you have specific concerns, try to approach the situation with compassion and talk to your friend about it in a non-judgmental way. Ultimately, it's up to your friend to decide if the relationship is working for him.

Should I be worried if my best friend's girlfriend doesn't seem to like me?

It's natural to want your best friend's significant other to like you, but it's not always a guarantee. It's important not to take it personally if your friend's girlfriend doesn't seem to like you, as she may just be shy or not used to your dynamic with your friend. As long as she is respectful towards you and your friendship with your friend, there's no need to worry.

What can I do if my best friend's girlfriend is causing problems in our friendship?

If your best friend's girlfriend is causing issues in your friendship, it's important to address the situation calmly and respectfully. Talk to your friend about how you're feeling and try to find a solution together. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other to maintain a strong friendship. If the issues persist, it may be helpful to seek outside help from a counselor or mediator.

Is it ever okay to date my best friend's ex-girlfriend?

This is a tricky situation and ultimately depends on the dynamics of your friendship and the reason for their breakup. It's important to consider your friend's feelings and talk to them about it before pursuing their ex. If your friend is uncomfortable with it, it's important to respect their feelings and not pursue the relationship. Remember, friendships are often more important than romantic relationships in the long run.

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