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What's it like to be single all your life?

  1. Apr 17, 2007 #1
    Any thoughts? It would be good to hear from someone who have experience in this subject. Or someone who has done some reading on this subject.

    I guess if you are not sociable in the first place then it wouldn't matter too much although it would still get to you wouldn't it? Would you become depressed easily and often? Although after say you reach 40 or more than it might not get to you as much?
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2007
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  3. Apr 17, 2007 #2

    chroot

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    I don't think people necessarily need a single person to call a "significant other" to be happy, but I do think healthy people need social interaction with friends and colleagues and so on to be happy.

    If you actually find yourself desiring always being alone, you might want to seek psychological help.

    - Warren
     
  4. Apr 18, 2007 #3
    i don't agree, being single all your life you might as well die.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2007
  5. Apr 18, 2007 #4
    maybe a tad extreme there
     
  6. Apr 18, 2007 #5
    :biggrin: well i want all those things that go with NOT being single.
     
  7. Apr 18, 2007 #6

    ShawnD

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    You can't exactly relate somebody else's answer to your own emotions. For example, I was perfectly happy being single until I was about 19 or so, then I started hunting for a girlfriend (I'm 21 now). One of my friends is 23 and he's happy being single. Another friend is 18 and he's insanely lonely without a girlfriend.
    Conclusions? Hmmm..... I guess do what you feel is a good motto. If you're happy being alone, that's great. If you find somebody you really like, that's great too. Don't just do something because you think you should or because others expect you to.

    I can't answer your question since I'm not old enough to know what it's like to be single all my life, but I'm old enough to know I'll never want to experience that. I should also add that I'm not a very outgoing person, and I generally don't mind being alone, but there's always that breaking point between being alone and being too alone. Even that outcast kid your remember from school had at least 1 friend he kept very close to him, correct?
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2007
  8. Apr 18, 2007 #7

    Danger

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    I met W when I was 49; no domestic relationships before that. There was always something missing, but I'm glad that I didn't try to force myself into something that wasn't right just to have a 'home life'. My 'social life' wasn't really conducive to something like that anyway. I was a night person, out playing pool or darts until the wee hours. Now I'm not (well, once a week or so), but I don't miss it.
    The only regret is in not having a kid. I could still do so, but W is 55 and already has 4 grown offspring. There's still the possibility of adoption in the future, but it's not a sure thing.
     
  9. Apr 18, 2007 #8
    Somehow i have always taken you for a guy that does that...I dunno...Just my intuition, i guess...

    :rofl:

    marlon
     
  10. Apr 18, 2007 #9
    I'm 32 and haven't had any long term relationships. I have never lived in one place for more than a few years at a time. I've been perfectly happy with that until about 2 or 3 years ago. Now I think is the right time for me to become involved in a commited relationship. I'm just not very outgoing and have yet to meet the right woman. I'm not in any hurry.
     
  11. Apr 18, 2007 #10
    I don't know if statistics will bear me up, but my gut feeling is that married people fare better in most areas of social well being. They live longer, have less illness, commit less crime, and are better off financially. I'm just guessing though, and even if it's true, it may be difficult to determine which is cause and which is effect. Keep in mind that half of all marriages in the US end in divorce (and the other half end in death!).
     
  12. Apr 18, 2007 #11

    JasonRox

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    What do you mean by single?

    Everyone here is answering the question as if it means intent to get married or intent to be commited and so on.

    Personally, I think a single life is awesome and so is the relationship life. It all depends on your approach. If you plan on not having any significant others at all, I would say you need to seek help. I don't see that as being normal at all.

    Note: Significant others as in people or person you can get really close. I would say that sex is probably involved. If you have no sexual desires at all, that's a pity.
     
  13. Apr 18, 2007 #12

    Monique

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    I absolutely love being alone, but at the same time I couldn't live without a companion.
     
  14. Apr 18, 2007 #13

    JasonRox

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    Same here. I enjoy being alone, but I couldn't live not sharing my life with someone.
     
  15. Apr 18, 2007 #14

    Moonbear

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    I'm single and happy being so. What annoys me is the assumption by people who aren't single that the only way to be happy is attached to someone else by the hip who then pester me about why I'm still single, etc. Heck, I see my married friends tied down with kids, and needing to factor their spouse into all their decisions, and I think being single is far better. If I want to do something, I do it, I don't have to ask someone else, or check their schedule, or look for babysitters, I just go out and do it.

    And, no, being single is not the same as being alone or lonely. Yeesh! :rolleyes: I have plenty of friends and do things with them. I have recently acquired a boyfriend, but since he lives in another state, it really hasn't changed much in my lifestyle (other than spending more time talking on the phone instead of posting on PF some nights).
     
  16. Apr 18, 2007 #15

    JasonRox

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    Exactly. You can have a great time being single.
     
  17. Apr 18, 2007 #16
    Hmm, maybe I'm not normal. I've lived in 7 different states. I spent a few years time cumulative in Europe and Mexico. I also spent a few year on the road and drove through over 46 states. I've made lots of friends, but keeping touch with them can be difficult sometimes. I've lost a few friends that way too. I rarely get to see them. Most people I have met I have never seen again. No wonder I"m tired now and have no idea how to make a real relationship.
     
  18. Apr 18, 2007 #17

    JasonRox

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    Not normal?

    You said you're making friends all over the place. That's awesome. That's not being alone at all.

    Travelling and experiencing different areas sounds awesome.
     
  19. Apr 18, 2007 #18
    Yeah, but friendships require occassional maintenace. I'm very bad at that. I They are friends I never get a chance to see and aren't a whole lot of comfort in daily life. I feel guilty about that sometimes. I think it's also why I've become lonely these last few years.
     
  20. Apr 18, 2007 #19

    JasonRox

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    I know what you mean. I have the same problem. I don't see it as a problem though and don't feel guilty about it. People seem to think you should feel guilty because you don't keep up with friends. But the thing is, I don't live life like that. I live it.

    I have a friend who's about the same way too. One time we didn't see each other for two months, and when we saw each other, it was just like it always was. Neither feel guilty for not keeping in contact.

    Note: We live in the same town, so two months is awhile. Also, I never keep up with old high school friends. Not even on facebook or anything like that. Not even on MSN.
     
  21. Apr 18, 2007 #20
    I disagree, you should only seek professional help if you always desire being alone and suffer from depression. I think it's perfectly normal for people to live solitary lives if it makes them happy.
     
  22. Apr 18, 2007 #21
    Single being no companion whatsoever. Companion being a committed partner.

    Does everyone who are not normal need help?
     
  23. Apr 18, 2007 #22
    But do you think that 23 year old friend of yours would be happier had he found someone?
     
  24. Apr 18, 2007 #23

    ShawnD

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    I think he would be happier, but it won't happen unless it's by accident, and the girl is a very persistent one. He willingly isolates himself and breaks off communication with others. If I'm going to a friend's house, any friend at all, he won't come with me. He no longer communicates over MSN or AIM. He keeps his phone off unless he intends to make a phone call.

    I tend to think he's happy with his current situation since he has not started to seek out any form of change, which he usually does. He didn't like the available game servers for Team Fortress, so he made his own. He didn't like paying for the dying World of Warcraft, so he made his own private realm. When his vehicles need maintenance, he fixes them. He's not the kind of guy to just let problems stay as problems, so I don't think he sees being single as a problem, and thus he doesn't feel that he's missing out on something.
     
  25. Apr 18, 2007 #24

    JasonRox

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    When I say not normal, I mean psychology unstable. Hence, you need help.

    First you might want to read into anti-social traits. If you have any, then you most likely need help.
     
  26. Apr 18, 2007 #25
    A voice from the past - my past.:smile:

    That was eleven years ago for me. At the time I was the only one among my friends and co-workers who had never been married. I can still vividly recall the day I made some comments similar to those quoted above. It was at work, and there were men and women present at the time. The women didn't say much in reply. The men said nothing at all - until the women left the room. Then they pounced on me like religious zealots. Like lost souls in hell, they argued, conjoled, and pleaded with me to never get married. I have to say, it was very unnerving. It really kind of freaked me out.:eek:

    In the years since then, an appreciation for my independence has grown. At a later job, there developed a sort of Monday morning ritual involving the married men and myself. They would gather around me and ask what I had done over the weekend. I would tell them the mundane truth: I stayed in bed 'till I felt like getting up. It was close to lunchtime so I went out to eat. On the way I felt like going for a long drive instead, so I drove a hundred miles to a nice restaurant I knew of. After lunch I passed by a state forest and felt like hiking, so I did. Then I drove home and took a nap. Fairly boring really, but the married men were green with envy.

    You know what they say about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence (it's been peed on). But from a single man's perspective, I think there are advantages to being married. Just a few examples: I have literally not had a home cooked meal in years. When my truck breaks down I have no one to call, so I walk. I wanted to try sedation dentistry for a root canal, but had no one to drive me home, so I did without the sedation. When a loved one passes away, I grieve alone in an empty apartment (and that, my friends, is loneliness).


    Hey Huck, if the ladies will leave us for a moment, I'll tell you something else, man to man. In the area of physical romance, the thirties are the best time in a man's life. You are more mature, worldly and experienced, yes, but also consider the numbers. Women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s are attracted to a man in his thirties, albeit for different reasons. And think about all those women married in their 20s who are now getting divorced. I am very average looking and had average success with women in my 20s, but I kid you not that from age 32-38, women treated me like Elvis. One word of warning: The married women are the most aggressive, but beware! There are too many single ones to make a mistake like that.


    Thank you, Quaoar, for pointing this out. Where would science and the arts be without the solitary thinkers?:smile:

    "It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened."
    Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
     
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