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What's with

  1. Feb 19, 2006 #1
    ...guys who treat their gf's like crap staying in relationships for so long? Why do these girls not get rid of them? I've heard a number of stories now on PF where ppl will describe a friend or somebody they know, and they treat their gf's like total crap yet have a long-lasting relationship. It's not only on PF, I see it around me at school as well, and hear about it all the time.

    I treat my gf like the goddess she is...i mean, ok, maybe that's a bit strong a description I don't worship her and I'm not infaturated (?) to her, but I treat her with complete respect and I don't think I have ever said a foul thing toward her. I've heard a number of recomendations in various threads here that say you gotta be a jerk kinda to attract women, I don't get it...

    I'm confused....ladies some help?
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 19, 2006 #2
    Seems like the ladies are not interested in answering your question.

    Here is an email that I recieved:

  4. Feb 19, 2006 #3


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    Well certainly I can't stand a man who doesn't respect me enough and treat me badly! Unfortunately some man start acting like a jerk when they see a girl around them in order to attract her. But I don't give a damn to these guys. So I say not be a jerk but alos don't be a bore.
    (Sometimes I think those girls aren't mature and wise enough who look for happiness in such relationships, but perhaps I'm wrong!)
  5. Feb 19, 2006 #4


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    I think it has to do with the guy treating her well at the start. She gets attached, and then the behavior deteriorates.

    I know that when I broke up with my girlfriend she kept asking me to "Please just stay." That's attached. Made me sad...
  6. Feb 19, 2006 #5


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    I agree with Lisa!. I won't date a jerk. I'm not attracted to the "bad boy" type. I AM attracted to men that respect my feelings and show consideration for me. I am attracted to men that are open about their feelings for me and don't make me quess.

    Some guys that consider themselves to be "nice" are actually clingy, insecure, and will suffocate the woman they are interested in. That will usually drive a woman away. They've crossed over from being nice to be annoying.

    I think most women want a man like you rocketboy, but it's like Alkatran said, most women in relationships with "jerks" had a good relationship in the beginning, but then as the relationship goes bad, the girl is unable to gather up enough self esteem to end the relationship.

    Then there are the flakey, insecure women that feel they deserve to be treated poorly and actually do have an attraction to men that treat them that way. You DON'T want a woman like that.
  7. Feb 19, 2006 #6
    Because they're idiots. Like most people.

    You don't have to be a jerk. People who say that still don't get it. The #1 most attractive thing is STATUS. Humans, like all the other primates (that I can think of anyway) are hierarchical. Status matters. At a base, instinctual level, status determines the worthiness of a mate. Its a tad bit cliche, but alpha males are more attractive. That said, what's more important than actual status, is the perception of it. Perception is reality with most people, because most people are morons. There are lots of ways to convey status: money, looks, confidence, all of them say the same thing subconsciously to other people: Status.
  8. Feb 19, 2006 #7


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    All very well said. Of course, it takes two people to make a bad relationship and stay in it. Just as easily as asking why does the woman stay, you can also ask why does the man stay when he doesn't even respect the woman he's dating?

    Probably not what is really being asked about here, but that bears into interpreting what other people say about relationships are the guys who feel they need to act "tough" around the other guys, and bluster a lot, saying they're laying down the law, and king of the castle, and all that nonsense, but when they're actually with the woman they love, they're actually gentle pussycats.
  9. Feb 19, 2006 #8

    Ivan Seeking

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    Yadda yadda yadda...

    I'm the boss of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so!
  10. Feb 19, 2006 #9


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    :rofl: At least until she sees your post, right? :biggrin:
  11. Feb 20, 2006 #10


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    I never gave him permission for ANYTHING!!! :rofl:
  12. Feb 20, 2006 #11
    I think it all boils down to what you are looking for.
    Bad boys get laid
    Nice guys get a relationship.
  13. Feb 20, 2006 #12
    Depends on what you classify as a relationship.
  14. Feb 20, 2006 #13
    I define it as something lasting and hopefully rewarding.
    It's what I'm looking for.
    I can go out and play bad boy and get laid 6 nights a week, but I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who would sleep with me on the first date.
    It takes longer being a nice guy, but the end result is much better.
  15. Feb 20, 2006 #14
    It depends upon the situation and the girl, really.

    My Mom is that way...boy, I could tell you stories that'd confuse you even more if you had the time. Everything between verbal abuse, physical abuse, and abuse in general. It's always been a mystery, why my Mom stuck with him, and I don't think we're ever going to solve it. She was young...he was her first boyfriend...blah, blah, blah. I believe it had something to do with her personality. She was easy to push around, too nice for her own good. He was a bastard from day one, I have to admit. I can't tell if he's gotten worse since then or if this is how he always was...

    I tend to believe our desire to nurture people gets us if we don't watch it. We think, "Oh, he's hurting...I'll help him, I'll make it all better." when that can't be done in most cases. You can't change someone if they aren't willing to change and how many people like that are really willing to change a thing about themselves? My Dad would rather change everyone around him because he's already "perfect".

    There's fear as well, a biggie. I know my Mom fears being on her own as she's been with him since she was 18, she doesn't know how to take care of herself and he's beaten it into her that she can't learn. She can, she's just too afraid to which hurts...she's wasting her life away.

    As far as teens go, I think it's just "cool" to have a boyfriend. It's easier to stick with an ass than it is to actually find someone worth your time.
  16. Feb 20, 2006 #15
    To refine this point a bit... Most women are attracted to confidence. The jerks that women date tend to at least act confident. In all relationships there is an initial attraction that is very strong but the novelty wears off over time. Women that are attracted to jerks because of their confidence (or supposed confidence), once that initial attraction dies down, start to look for the elements for a lasting relationship and realize suddenly that they just aren't there. The guy wasn't necessarily ever that great a guy for the woman to date to begin with, she just wasn't paying that close of attention to what she was getting herself into.
  17. Feb 20, 2006 #16


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    Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. My mom stayed in an abusive relationship with my dad too. Are there still kids around? ...if you don't mind my asking, of course. :smile:
  18. Feb 21, 2006 #17
    No, that's quite alright.:smile: I'll be 18 in August and my brother just turned 15 so we aren't little kids...but my Mom has been using us as an excuse ever since we were born.:rofl: "I'll leave him when the kids are all grown up." Well, Mommy, kid number one is planning on attempting to leave the house as soon as she can while kid number two?... Eh, you'll be lucky if he gets out of high school.:tongue:
  19. Feb 23, 2006 #18


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    I was actually going to suggest that, rather than providing an excuse to stay, having children involved in the relationship could give her a reason to leave -- and make it easier for others to intervene. I can't imagine that not being a negative environment for someone to grow up in. But, yeah, I guess if she feels helpless without him, taking the kids and leaving probably didn't seem like an option. I certianly understand your wanting to leave (I remember counting the days until I turned 16), but I hope you don't give up on them after you're gone. :smile: You making it on your own may even inspire your mom. And I realize your dad is like the 'bad guy', but I think the bad guys usually aren't happy either. Anywho, if you ever want to talk, let off steam, or anything, feel free to PM me anytime. :smile:

    How's your brother? Is he not doing so well?
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