Where does an intelligent, caring woman run into a kind, intelligent man?

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flatlandsmoma

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Admittedly, I am not a physics major, mathematician or nerd, but intelligent gentlemen are always attractive to me. I have been divorced for over a decade & yes I could probably be your Mom :) I don't troll bars, am creative,outgoing(not dominating), kind and fairly attractive.(Until age 25 had lots of guys interested in me, got married at 26) Also, seemingly a rarity, I have a great sense of humor. (How do ppl get by without one?) Where does this illusive man hang out?
 

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  • #2
Evo
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Admittedly, I am not a physics major, mathematician or nerd, but intelligent gentlemen are always attractive to me. I have been divorced for over a decade & yes I could probably be your Mom :) I don't troll bars, am creative,outgoing(not dominating), kind and fairly attractive.(Until age 25 had lots of guys interested in me, got married at 26) Also, seemingly a rarity, I have a great sense of humor. (How do ppl get by without one?) Where does this illusive man hang out?
Probably on one of the better dating sites like match.com. Avoid e-harmony unless you're very christian.
 
  • #3
turbo
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There are lots of kind, intelligent men out there. If you demand one that is handsome and/or wealthy, you have shortened up your choices considerably. When Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts, I figured that he got the short end of that "bargain". I still think so. Lovett is a talented writer and a fantastic singer. Roberts blew it, IMO.
 
  • #4
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Only by random chance, and the probability is low. You can increase the probability by being where smart guys are. My wife's solution was to take a fencing class. All the guys there were intelligent, but none were kind and caring. So she picked me because she saw that I wanted to be kind and caring, but I just did not know how. Frankly I was a a really big *******. But she saw past that and married me anyway, and then proceeded to teach me how to be nice. Most women don't know how to do that and their efforts have the opposite effect. We have now been together four decades and every year is better than the year before.
 
  • #5
flatlandsmoma
Thanks Evo-I have done the online dating thing w/ no success. Too much room for dishonesty and chirade. The added creep factor of pedophile types steers me away. :/
Turbo-I agree with you! I'm hoping the gal Lyle Lovett did marry is the best fit for him (and he for her) Pkruwe- Wow. A teachable man! Awesome! I don't hear about that much,thanks for sharing that. "You can't change anyone but 'you' has filled my ears". I do think if we 'allow' others to influence us, especially in the positive ways then it is a wonderful thing. We grow and change for the better. So many of us are too proud and too stubborn, it's great to hear your story :)What your wife did is what I'm thinking...there is this one meetup group that meets to play guitars I could attend. And then there's always 'lingering' a little too long at Home Depot, lol.
 
  • #6
Evo
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Too bad online dating didn't work for you, I had great success with it, I met the most incredible men. I stopped dating several years ago, I actually realized that I am happier alone.
 
  • #7
flatlandsmoma
If you met an incredible man, but still prefer the single lifestyle better, then you learned a great life lesson, a great thing about yourself :) Here's a question to ponder...Will you feel the same way in five years? I prefer spending life 'with' someone and I know they'll be times, I want my own space defenitely. For me, I have no living family nearby, and still have a desire for a family. Wish I could be more like you! Perhaps this ache would go away!
 
  • #8
flatlandsmoma
P.S. Evo- it's great to hear your success story from the online dating site. All we usually get are the 'supposed' success stories, I never know for sure, are real. In my experience I had one after another 'scammers' hi jack some poor guys profile, and attempt to come off as him. I guess then, it's a good thing, these ppl from other countries 'don't' really know how American men really converse ;) I also would be the 1st to show interest, but they had no interest in me, or the ones who had interest in me...well, just weren't for me <3
 
  • #9
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Too bad online dating didn't work for you, I had great success with it, I met the most incredible men. I stopped dating several years ago, I actually realized that I am happier alone.
Right on! Relationships confuse and scare me. I can't envision myself in a functional romantic relationship, especially because I'm uncomfortable with human contact.
 
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  • #10
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Classes are always a good place to meet intelligent people. Especially when you're older. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or intense, and can even be somewhere cheap and local like the YMCA. But anyone interested in learning something new, be it pottery, poetry, a foreign language, improv, whatever, is going to someone fairly intelligent or at least interested in bettering themselves, which is a fairly intelligent thing to do.

Also, if you're creative and outgoing, then some sort of class is probably right up your alley and you'd probably meet lots of interesting people.
 
  • #11
Evo
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Right on! Relationships confuse and scare me. I can't envision myself in a functional romantic relationship, especially because I'm uncomfortable with human contact.
I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps there is somone you feel comfortable speaking with about your fears, like a school counselor, or other health professional?

I'm just the opposite, in a social group, I'm outgoing and people migrate to me, I'm usually the pack leader whether I want that role or not.

It's just after so many years of relationships, I find that I'd rather do without the dating drama, I have better ways to spend my time.
 
  • #12
Drakkith
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Too bad online dating didn't work for you, I had great success with it, I met the most incredible men. I stopped dating several years ago, I actually realized that I am happier alone.
I've tried them myself, and had no luck so far. Probably because I have no idea what I want, and I'm either shy or scared of making a move. Besides, those profiles are crap. They explain practically nothing about anyone.

Although I will say I have a very difficult time dealing with people except face to face. I hate talking on the phone, online, etc. (PF being an exception!)
 
  • #13
Evo
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I've tried them myself, and had no luck so far. Probably because I have no idea what I want, and I'm either shy or scared of making a move. Besides, those profiles are crap. They explain practically nothing about anyone.
Hmmm, I guess this is where perhaps I am better than the average bear at evaluating profiles. I've met famous scientists, authors, film directors. REAL people don't post crap, their profiles are succint. They don't draw attention. There is little posted, but what is posted is brilliant. They have the types of profiles most people would overlook and/or would not understand. Some are like intriguing puzzles, where if you don't understand the underlying meaning, you just won't get it, and you should just move along.

Basically, the high quality people do just the opposite of what they're supposed to do, according to the stupid website suggestions.

If you are special, show it, be odd, be clever, be deep, be yourself and do not pander to the masses. Scare away 99% of the people on the site, because you don't want that 99%. You want someone special that you can relate to and that *gets* you.

I had one of the most negative profiles ever posted. I told men why they should not bother contacting me. I was honest. I didn't want to attract "men", I wanted to attract that "ONE" man.
 
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  • #14
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I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps there is somone you feel comfortable speaking with about your fears, like a school counselor, or other health professional?

I'm just the opposite, in a social group, I'm outgoing and people migrate to me, I'm usually the pack leader whether I want that role or not.

It's just after so many years of relationships, I find that I'd rather do without the dating drama, I have better ways to spend my time.
It's complicated, but, oddly enough, it usually doesn't bother me, the only exceptions being when I'm deeply infatuated with a girl but too afraid to approach her (in which case I just let the feelings run their course), or when someone is trying to "hook me up". However, both are rare occurrences.

I always say that, if nothing else, at least I have my health. And literature. And music and science.
 
  • #15
Drakkith
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If you are special, show it, be odd, be clever, be deep, be yourself and do not pander to the masses. Scare away 99% of the people on the site, because you don't want that 99%. You want someone special that you can relate to and that *gets* you.

I had one of the most negative profiles ever posted. I told men why they should not bother contacting me. I was honest. I didn't want to attract "men", I wanted to attract that "ONE" man.
I don't think it works like that for guys. (Or at least for me) I was on match.com for like a year with what I thought was a decent profile and I had about 3 contacts. Only 1 of which I ever met in person. (God that relationship was such a mess. I still have mixed feelings about whether it was worth it to stay friends for 3 years) With 6 months of e-harmony I think i had 1 the whole time.
 
  • #16
Evo
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I don't think it works like that for guys. (Or at least for me) I was on match.com for like a year with what I thought was a decent profile and I had about 3 contacts. Only 1 of which I ever met in person. (God that relationship was such a mess. I still have mixed feelings about whether it was worth it to stay friends for 3 years) With 6 months of e-harmony I think i had 1 the whole time.
I think it's much harder for men, especially men over 30. Women still seem to think that all men will read their profile and respond and that they don't have to do anything.
 
  • #17
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Take up ballroom dancing. Seriously.
 

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