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Why Do Women Like Being Lied To?

  1. Aug 5, 2012 #1
    It's a simple question that deeply depresses me: Why do girls like guys that lie to them? The sad part is that most of them don't even know they are being lied to/like being lied to most of them time. I am asking this question both from my observation of people and my own experiences; I find that when I act like a BS artist I go from a loner to a ladies man in seconds. It deeply bothers me because this is not who I am: I pride myself on being a straightforward man and it bothers me very much that I have to sacrifice this part of myself in order to get dates.

    So this brings me back to my main question: why do most girls like guys that BS them?

    I'd like to think that this will change eventually, but I don't think so. I am only 22 years old and I've never dated a girl younger than me (except when I was 19 and it was short lived due to a tragedy that happened in her life soon after we started dating). I feel like most girls my age don't want a man, they want an "all-talk" wanna-be man.

    Are there any women that don't fall for this crap that guys feed them?

    I have to say experiences related to this topic have made me very bitter, maybe even sexist, over the years. I know this is not the right path to take for a healthy relationship, but I cannot ignore the fact that in order to get dates, I have to become someone else.

    Help....
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Aug 5, 2012 #2
    I doubt any reasonably intellegent woman would enjoy being lied to. Best advice I have is as follows.

    If you can't find the type of woman you are after in your current circles, find some new circles.

    Don't change who you are just to find someone, be patient and find someone who already fits you. I have met these girls and dated a couple what I can figure they wanted is something exciting and a smooth talker and all that comes with it is what they are after, while the lieng that comes with that is a negative, the excitement of not knowing, and the peacock feather display of said flashy male is what is attracting them. Just wait to they grow up, or find someone who wants something a little bit closer to reality.

    There are plenty of women that don't play that game, they just happen to not be where you've already looked, but I assure you they do exist.

    Don't hurry anything, work on your self, and go experience a bunch of things, I've found that if you have a hobby, especially a social one, you have a way better chance of finding someone that suits you, and hey you already have something in common to talk about. The hobby I chose is music, I have an obsessive amount of concert ticket stubs and my music library almost totals a year, my current gal completly loves it and it gives us something endless to talk about.

    The last tidbit I can propose is figure out what is important to you, and what you can compromise on and be picky.

    Disclaimer: All my words here are based on my own life and it's pretty much all anecdotal, and it is 3 in the morning. Good luck, don't give up, if she watches Jersey Shore or enjoys sparkly vampires, run.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012
  4. Aug 5, 2012 #3

    Monique

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    I don't get the question, you really mean that girls like attention? That guys lie in order to give girls attention is their problem.
     
  5. Aug 5, 2012 #4
    No, I meant exactly what I asked in my original post. And yeah, it is my problem that I have to lie to attract a girl. It's also a problem that it works quite well most of the time. Also, I think its very naive to think that anyone does anything (regardless of sex) simply for attention; this is indicative of a greater underlying problem.
    I'm sure I am not the only one that feels this way. This leads me to an alternate explanation of my original post: Where are the girls that are confident in their character without requiring a man's reassurance?


    This is very good advice and I problem that I can clearly identify with myself. Most of my hobbies are either antisocialish, scientifically advanced/specialized or masculine (IE most girls aren't into weightlifting, for instance). I suppose I can try to find a hobby that is more outgoing besides drinking long island teas at the bar.
     
  6. Aug 5, 2012 #5

    chiro

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    Maybe you should try and meet women who have their own drive and desires who are busy enough with their own lives and confident within their own skin to worry about looking for an actor or a BS artist.

    Busy women who get things done and like to be seen based on who they are, what they do, and what they have done are going to be a lot different to ones who talk a lot and don't really do anything.

    I don't think personally a lot of these women are going to put up with the kinds of crap that come out of wanna-be males mouths and will want someone with a lot of drive, real and authentic confidence, and someone with a good amount of respect for them and other people.

    Chances are though, these women are going to be a lot pickier and they have every right to be: what man wouldn't love a women who has her **** together and has drive, self-respect, and is willing to work at anything.
     
  7. Aug 5, 2012 #6

    Monique

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    Again, I have absolutely no idea what you mean with the question. It's quite a denigrating thought, that you think women like to be lied to.
     
  8. Aug 5, 2012 #7
    I'm with Monique: I don't understand what you're saying or asking. What line of BS do you give them? Tell us that and it should clarify the issue.
     
  9. Aug 5, 2012 #8
    So you've found you have to act a certain way in order to attract some people? Out of curiosity, when you are acting this way is the only difference that you are telling lies? I would not be surprised if you may be acting more confidently when you are lying then normal, perhaps that is getting the different results.

    As a girl I can say personally I do not like being lied to, and I am not aware of a trend in girls about enjoying being lied to, but I do realise that what is deemed attractive changes fashion all the time. Consequently there are people (presumably) constantly changing themselves to keep up. I suppose they must enjoy it... but I'm with Charmar and Chiro on this - be yourself, maybe just change where you are looking.
     
  10. Aug 5, 2012 #9
    I don't know why women like being lied to, but try answering yes to the question; "does my bum look big in this?"
     
  11. Aug 5, 2012 #10

    BobG

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    Do you really enjoy it when women tell you the truth about your looks and intelligence? Or do you selectively choose which women must be telling you the truth - the ones that tell you you're the reincarnation of Apollo are the honest ones and the ones that tell you you're the reincarnation of Gilbert Gottfried are exaggerating? (Heck, I was born while Gilbert Gottfried was still alive, so I know that can't be the truth! In fact, is Gilbert Gottfried even dead?! Worse yet, I might have been born before Gilbert Gottfried was born, so how could I be the reincarnation of him?!)
     
  12. Aug 5, 2012 #11

    Drakkith

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    Then you don't understand people at all. Attention is everything. Grabbing and keeping someone's attention is NOT a bad thing. It is a requirement to things like holding a conversation, getting to know people, etc. People can and will do things just for attention, and don't think yourself immune to it either. A great part of it is unconscious.

    You shouldn't have to lie to get women to be attracted to you. If you tell the truth and they aren't interested, just move on! You don't want them anyways, as it will most likely not lead to either of you being happy. Lying does NOTHING good. It only sets you and the other person up for failure in the future.

    Does the fact that a women likes a man's reassurance mean that she isn't confident in herself? No. Practically everyone likes to be on the receiving end of compliments and to be well thought of by someone.
     
  13. Aug 5, 2012 #12
    Here a basic example and an experience I went through a few months ago when I was a double date:

    These two girls, one my friends girlfriend and another one her friend, my friend and I went out to this night club a few months ago. The girl that was supposed to be my date felt the need to put down every girl that walked passed us the whole night. It came to a point where she asked me about this girl who was dressed in a short orange skirt: "Dont you think she looks like such a slut." she said. Being annoyed, I simply replied "Actually, I think she's just having a good time." The girl just looked at me and said "Oh" then went back to berating all the other girls in the club....

    A "smart" guy would have said something along the lines of "Oh yeah she totally looks like a slut" or some type of patronizing statement. I feel like I have to water down my opinions and my personality to get positive female attention the majority of the time.

    I don't think I go out of the way to find women that "tell me what I want to hear", but I'm sure it happens more than I'm aware. To tell you the truth, I don't think I've even gotten in any engaging conversations lately that would prove or disprove your point. I've asked girls what they think of me and the common response has been someone who is hard to approach.


    I don't want to bring this topic to a tangent. As I said earlier nobody does anything just for attention. For instance, I want a woman's attention so I can either feel loved or have sex with her.


    I agree that needing a mans reassurance doesn't imply that she is not confident in herself. I also agree that everybody likes complements from the opposite sex. I was speaking about cases where this reassurance is the foundation of their confidence. Unfortunately, it is somewhat common. I think a lot of this has to do with cultural values and many women in the media aren't good roll-models.

    I'm sure the confidence plays a big roll in the lying game. I am confident in who I am, but not in a woman's outlook of who I am; this makes me feel bad about myself at times. Whenever I act like myself and don't put on this pathetic act I've found that girls see me as either off-putting or intimidating.
     
  14. Aug 5, 2012 #13

    BobG

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    But surely not all!

    Sometimes people get the wrong idea about dating. Success is seen as getting the other person to accept you (which, in a way, is what many women are looking for from you).

    Maybe success is weeding out the women you'll wind up having absolutely no interest in and only spending time and effort on those that at least have a possibility of being worth it. And, yes, only a small minority of women will probably fall into that category.

    There's a difference between polite and charming and being deceitful. The reply to the comment about the girl in the short skirt is completely appropriate. My response would have been a sigh and the realization that this was just another lost night. She's definitely not what I'm looking for and I am almost certainly not what she's looking for.
     
  15. Aug 5, 2012 #14

    Monique

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    So you were annoyed with the girl for speaking her mind, so you spoke your mind. The girl didn't care and continued speaking her mind. That shows that women like being lied to?

    It would appear that you wanted your female friend to water down her opinion and personality in order to be liked by you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012
  16. Aug 5, 2012 #15

    BobG

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    Getting married and divorced (when the other person finally starts telling the truth) is preferable to never getting married at all ..... isn't it? :uhh:
     
  17. Aug 5, 2012 #16

    WannabeNewton

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    If you're just looking to have fun then just give em' what they want. They want to be told they're the prettiest thing in the world when they're OBVIOUSLY not even close to even being the prettiest thing in the room but it gets you what you want so w/e. I mean if you're looking into something serious then the girl should be more mature than that girl who obviously has to put down other girls to feel better about herself. That kind of behavior isn't uncommon sadly.
     
  18. Aug 5, 2012 #17

    turbo

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    Be yourself and be nice. That's all you have to do. Never tell a lie, because you'll have to think back and recall the lie later. Just be nice and be yourself. You'll find somebody.
     
  19. Aug 5, 2012 #18
    No, I would rather someone be upfront. I think its sexy when a girl has the confidence to be herself and very weak when she acts like a phony. It was frustrating that all she did was put everyone down, not that she stated her opinion. The point is that lying gets a man more dating and sex opportunities, the true problem being the frequency its used and its effectiveness...

    It probably works the other way too. I'm sure there are women that put on acts that gets them dates from guys.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012
  20. Aug 5, 2012 #19

    Monique

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    People who act so immaturely surely will end up having children before finally speaking their mind and divorcing, which is sad.
     
  21. Aug 5, 2012 #20

    BobG

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    Especially when both were lying about wanting to have children.
     
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