Why do women try to change men?

In summary: I have no idea why I tried to change him. It was a bad idea.In summary, the conversation discusses the common trend of women wanting to fix or change the men they are with, despite knowing that men rarely change. The reasons for this behavior are debated, with some suggesting that women have the power and desire to "get what they want," while others argue that it is simply a relational struggle to find common ground. The conversation also touches on the principle of the "4T's" and the idea that women adapt to men's behaviors and lifestyles, but expect some reciprocation. There is also mention of the influence of mothers and the fear of men being "morphed" into liking traditionally feminine things. Overall
  • #1
ShawnD
Science Advisor
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2
Women always seem to want to fix or change the man they are with.
Women know that men don't change (or if they do, it's in a bad way), yet women try anyway. Why?
 
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  • #2
well I am not a women, and for those that can't read my signature or are foolish to think it is some kinda mark for a bf i will tell you my name is ben and i am a guy not that my web page says that or common sense says that or that 40,000 other ppl interpreted me as a guy with a girls avatar on spymac.com yes that is for mb one person at pf but just so that person won't get confused.

anyway women have the power, they bear the children and pass down the genes of human history. They are also in self-interest in 'getting what they want' and so little things that are from perfection are wanted to change, of course this is no different form men as i see it. Same basic goal. But also it is a relational ideal that just invokes the struggle to find common ground. you know sacrifice and compensation, imho
 
  • #3
Originally posted by ShawnD
Women always seem to want to fix or change the man they are with.
Women know that men don't change (or if they do, it's in a bad way), yet women try anyway. Why?
It's because those women go into a relationship with unrealistic ideals. I've known men that were guilty of doing the same thing. I've noticed that these types are used to always getting what they want.
 
  • #4
Of course..then..there's always the possibility that the majority of women don't try to change men...just that men are attracted to women that want to change them...or that men change when they get in relationships with women and...the women are forever trying to get back the man they were first attracted to...maybe it's all in perception...
 
  • #5
Originally posted by ShawnD
Women always seem to want to fix or change the man they are with.
Women know that men don't change (or if they do, it's in a bad way), yet women try anyway. Why?
Many women live by the Principle of the 4T's. If it has Tires, Transistors, or Testicles, you're going to have Trouble with it! So..., it needs to be fixed!
 
  • #6


Originally posted by Tsunami
Many women live by the Principle of the 4T's. If it has Tires, Transistors, or Testicles, you're going to have Trouble with it! So..., it needs to be fixed!
Ohw! You are so funny! And so close to the truth :wink:
 
  • #7
Hrm, yes, haha. Very funny. :frown:
 
  • #8
The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby
 
  • #9
i don't think all women try to change men, but some women might try to encourage them to be their best...
 
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  • #10
Originally posted by Hurkyl
Hrm, yes, haha. Very funny. :frown:
Aww...it's just a funny, honey. Don't feel hurt! Would it help if I told you I altered the original saying? It was actually a man's saying and the 'testicles' were another 'T' word applied to the female anatomy. REALLY!

Anyway, I'm not so sure women view it as 'changing' so much as 'adapting'. We adapt ourselves to your lifestyles and behaviors quite a bit. We just feel a little reciprocation is in order...:wink: ALSO, it's because your mother's have told us YOU NEED IT! THEY'VE BEGGED US TO CHANGE YOU! (ok. sorry. i'll stop. i got carried away again... can't help myself! it's just so much FUN inside my head! )
 
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  • #11
Originally posted by Tsunami
Aww...it's just a funny, honey. Don't feel hurt! Would it help if I told you I altered the original saying? It was actually a man's saying and the 'testicles' were another 'T' word applied to the female anatomy. REALLY!

Anyway, I'm not so sure women view it as 'changing' so much as 'adapting'. We adapt ourselves to your lifestyles and behaviors quite a bit. We just feel a little reciprocation is in order...:wink: ALSO, it's because your mother's have told us YOU NEED IT! THEY'VE BEGGED US TO CHANGE YOU! (ok. sorry. i'll stop. i got carried away again... can't help myself! it's just so much FUN inside my head! )

AAh! THe women are trying to morph us into some sort of weird organism that likes shopping and shoes! Instead of watching action movies where stuff blows up now we are 'tamed' into watching kitshy chick-flicks with romance and the gun replaced with a rose! Is this the end of traditional male influences as we know it?
 
  • #12
Originally posted by motai
AAh! THe women are trying to morph us into some sort of weird organism that likes shopping and shoes! Instead of watching action movies where stuff blows up now we are 'tamed' into watching kitshy chick-flicks with romance and the gun replaced with a rose! Is this the end of traditional male influences as we know it?

The end of 'traditional male influences'? I seriously doubt it. :wink:
 
  • #13
AAh! THe women are trying to morph us into some sort of weird organism that likes shopping and shoes! Instead of watching action movies where stuff blows up now we are 'tamed' into watching kitshy chick-flicks with romance and the gun replaced with a rose! Is this the end of traditional male influences as we know it?

Ack, but I -like- a lot of chick flicks!

I guess I'll have to cling to the fact I having been corrupted into liking shopping and shoes! :smile:
 
  • #14
The only time I tried to change a man was when he was cleaning, bare footed and handed, everything with bleach

or by saying that cleaning the dishes by rinsing with running water doesn't really clean them

or that a table is not clean just because you cover it with a lot of tissue paper, which then doesn't get cleaned for several weeks.

or that vacuuming up mold which formed on the floor by a watermellon gone bad is not a particularly smart idea

should I go on? I could
 
  • #15
That is pretty sick.
You're not still with this guy are you?
 
  • #16
The first line was another guy the other was really extremely intelligent, but there is also something called social intelligence, isn't there
 
  • #17
Originally posted by Kerrie
i don't think all women try to change men, but some women might try to encourage them to be their best...

Well said, heh

Now the question is, how do you motivate a man to be his best? do you nag and berate him? or do you motivate him by generosity of spirit and your own self assured sweetness?
 
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  • #18
Originally posted by The_Professional
Well said, heh

Now the question is, how do you motivate a man to be his best? do you nag and berate him? or do you motivate him by generosity of spirit and your own self assured sweetness?

I personally like it when a woman does the latter. The former just annoys me.
 
  • #19
The ultimate change: when women seek to get their man marred:wink: - married, that is.
 
  • #20
Why do women try to change men?

Men are like any other accessory or appliance. They wear out with use,or become unfashionable. Since men are seen as status symbols, women may also want to trade in their men for an upgrade when they get a promotion or change careers.

In addition to the advances of women in the workplace, recent increases in man turnover are probably caused by the improvements in man advertising strategies, and the popularity of features that have only recently become available in consumer model men. There has also been a recent upsurge in the popularity of single-use men.

An additional factor may be that women who do not keep their men in good shape, allow their men to get soiled, smelly, or unkempt and fail to perform regular oil changes, and elect to trade them in.
 
  • #21
I like the old Benny Hill joke:

When a woman marries a man she is thinking about three things: the aisle, the altar, and the hymn.

Yup, the whole time she is thinking, "I'll alter him."


If you think a change needs to be made the only way to assure there is a change, is for you to change yourself.
 
  • #22
Not a coincidence that "alter" here is synonymous with "castrate" - one way victims become virtual victimizers.
 
  • #23
Why do women try to change men? Here's a crazy theory that just popped into my mind. It all boils down to a battle of evolution vs culture. Evolution makes her choose an aggressive, loud-mouthed bully as a mate, and culture (*) teaches her that men should be kind, caring and unselfish. So she's stuck with trying to turn a Mike Tyson into a Gandhi. Well, usually not to those extremes!

(*) At least, that part of it concerned with morals.
 
  • #24
That actually does make a lot of sense.
 
  • #25
Originally posted by cragwolf
Why do women try to change men? Here's a crazy theory that just popped into my mind. It all boils down to a battle of evolution vs culture. Evolution makes her choose an aggressive, loud-mouthed bully as a mate, and culture (*) teaches her that men should be kind, caring and unselfish. So she's stuck with trying to turn a Mike Tyson into a Gandhi. Well, usually not to those extremes!

(*) At least, that part of it concerned with morals.

Wow. That makes a heck of a lot of sense. It really does.
 
  • #26
How come nobody ever tries to turn Gandhi into Mike Tyson?
 
  • #27
There are many fascinating/amusing theories here.

Still, I have no idea where this idea of women trying to change their men, came from. It never crossed my mind to try to change any man and it makes me angry that all men believe that all women think like this. It is bad psychology. All of it.
 
  • #28
Originally posted by Pergatory
How come nobody ever tries to turn Gandhi into Mike Tyson?
You can make Tyson more like Ghandi because Tyson is dumb, and dumb people are easy to manipulate.

You cannot turn Ghandi into Tyson because Ghandi was not an idiot. He was actually a lawyer.
 
  • #29
Originally posted by ShawnD
You can make Tyson more like Ghandi because Tyson is dumb, and dumb people are easy to manipulate.

You cannot turn Ghandi into Tyson because Ghandi was not an idiot. He was actually a lawyer.


and your point about being dumb is?? :wink:

(joke! just in case there are any lawyers out their waiting to sue my smart-ass! but in future, i'll type SLOWER for them :smile:)
 
  • #30
Originally posted by Thallium
Still, I have no idea where this idea of women trying to change their men, came from. It never crossed my mind to try to change any man and it makes me angry that all men believe that all women think like this.

Well, obviously, the only explanation is that all men are suffering from mass delusion. I know every time I look in the mirror I see a handsome Adonis, but everytime I go to the beach, women turn away in horror and mothers cover their daughters eyes!
 
  • #31
Originally posted by cragwolf
Well, obviously, the only explanation is that all men are suffering from mass delusion. I know every time I look in the mirror I see a handsome Adonis, but everytime I go to the beach, women turn away in horror and mothers cover their daughters eyes!

Important note here, cragwolf: unless it is a designated nude beach, you have to wear a swimsuit!
 
  • #32
Originally posted by Artman
Important note here, cragwolf: unless it is a designated nude beach, you have to wear a swimsuit!

The other thing I need to do is take down that poster of Adonis from my mirror!
 

1. Why do women try to change men?

There are a variety of reasons why women may try to change their partners. Some women may feel that their partner's behavior or habits are negatively impacting the relationship and they want to improve it. Others may have certain expectations or preferences for their ideal partner and try to mold their partner to fit those expectations. Additionally, societal norms and gender roles may play a role in women feeling like they need to change their partner to fit traditional standards of masculinity.

2. Is it possible for women to change men?

It is important to note that no one can truly change another person. People can only change themselves if they want to. While women may have good intentions in trying to change their partners, ultimately it is up to the individual to make any changes in their behavior or habits. It is also important for both partners to have open and honest communication about what changes they are willing to make in order to improve the relationship.

3. Are women the only ones who try to change their partners?

No, both men and women may try to change their partners. It is not solely a behavior exhibited by women. However, it is often portrayed in media and society that women are the ones who are constantly trying to change their partners, which may contribute to this stereotype.

4. Can trying to change a partner be harmful to a relationship?

Yes, trying to change a partner can be harmful to a relationship if it is done without the other person's consent or if it becomes a source of conflict. It is important for both partners to respect each other's individuality and not try to change them into someone they are not. Constantly trying to change someone can also create feelings of resentment and lack of acceptance in the relationship.

5. What should I do if my partner is trying to change me?

If your partner is trying to change you, it is important to communicate openly and honestly with them about how their actions make you feel. It is also important to set boundaries and make it clear that you will not change for someone else. If the attempts to change you continue and it becomes a source of conflict in the relationship, it may be necessary to seek outside help from a therapist or counselor to address these issues. Ultimately, it is important for both partners to accept and love each other for who they are.

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