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Why men are happier than women

  1. May 10, 2005 #1

    Ivan Seeking

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    [an e-mail received today]

    Men Are Just Happier People, but then what do you expect from such simple

    -Your last name stays put.
    -The garage is all yours.
    -Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    -Chocolate is just another snack.
    -You can be President.
    -You can never be pregnant.
    -You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    -You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    -Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    -The world is your urinal.
    -You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
    just too icky.
    -You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    -Same work, more pay.
    -Wrinkles add character.
    -Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
    -People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    -The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    -New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    -One mood all the time.
    -Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    -You know stuff about tanks.
    -A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    -You can open all your own jars.
    -You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    -If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    -Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    -Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    -You almost never have strap problems in public.
    -You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    -Everything on your face stays its original color.
    -The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    -You only have to shave your face and neck...and maybe your head.
    -You can play with toys all your life.
    -Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    -One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
    -You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    -You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
    -You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    -You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
    -No wonder men are happier

    [source unknown]
  2. jcsd
  3. May 10, 2005 #2

    Math Is Hard

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    Blasphemy, Ivan. BLASPHEMY!!!
  4. May 10, 2005 #3

    Ivan Seeking

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    Yes, I take issue with that one as well. :mad:
  5. May 10, 2005 #4
    Sent to my E-Mail

    Let us bow out heads...

    Dear Lord,

    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

    Love to forgive him;

    And Patience for his moods;

    Because Lord, if I pray for Strength

    I'll beat him to death.

    Last edited: May 10, 2005
  6. May 10, 2005 #5
    You never know about the President thing - one day, there may be a great woman leader.............

    Everything else is just too darn true!!!
  7. May 10, 2005 #6
    Well Ivan, you've provided the gloves and the ring. Now all we need are some contestants. :wink:

    I still got to think about which way to turn a wrench if I'm under it.
  8. May 10, 2005 #7

    Ivan Seeking

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    It's a total guy thing: righty tighty lefty loosey.
  9. May 10, 2005 #8
    Yes, but from above I turn to my right and from below I turn to my left. That alone is enough to confuse me :tongue2:
  10. May 10, 2005 #9
    From what I can see, it's also very convenient to be a guy.
  11. May 10, 2005 #10


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    I'd like to see the list for the women. Here, I'll start it off:

    1. A women goes to a bar and thinks to herself, "think I'll get laid tonight". A man goes to a bar and thinks to himself, "hope I get laid tonight".
  12. May 10, 2005 #11
    And then everyone calls the woman a slut/whore but doesn't think twice about the guy
  13. May 10, 2005 #12
    *trying not to get mad, don't get mad.. it's just play... they don't mean it.... stop seething.....can't....control....feminism....* Aaaaaarrrrgh!!!! Stop it stop it stop it stop it!!!!
  14. May 10, 2005 #13


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    The male/female dictionary is cute.

    WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
    Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
    Male: Food, sex and beer.

    THINGY (thing-ee) n.
    Female: Any part under a car's hood.
    Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

    GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
    Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
    Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

    VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
    Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
    Male: Playing ball without a cup.

    COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
    Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
    Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

    BUTT (but) n.
    Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
    Male: The organ of mooning.

    COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
    Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
    Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

    ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
    Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
    Male: Anything with one ball, two beers, or three stooges.

    MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
    Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
    Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

    REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
    Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
    Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

    TASTE (tayst) v.
    Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
    Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad prior to tossing it out.

    I found this funny.

    The difference between men and women in 5 sentences:

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow road.
    A woman is driving down the same road.
    As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!"
    The man immediately leans out the window and replies,"*****!"
    They continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

    Both from http://laughshop.com/archives/2battle_jokes.html [Broken]
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2017
  15. May 10, 2005 #14


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    :rolleyes: Yeesh, do you know how many times I've watched guys tighten a screw they were trying to loosen? Um, yeah, I just watched. They get testy if you try to tell them how to do things, so I just watch, and smile, and then offer to give it a try, and they laugh, and just to humor me, hand me the wrench.

    Same thing for jars. What can I say, I have a strong grip from all that pipetting in the lab. They sit there struggling with a lid, and I offer to open it, and they laugh, then to get me to shut up, they hand me the jar assuming I won't be able to open it. *POP That was the sound of their ego bursting. :biggrin: :rofl:

    And I'll have you know that I can wear a white t-shirt to an amusement park, and not a single guy there would complain! :tongue2:
  16. May 10, 2005 #15
    Why are men happier than women? Tis obvious, we get to look at beauty all the time.
  17. May 10, 2005 #16


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    There's too many :wink: women posting on this thread.(don't encourage them)
  18. May 10, 2005 #17
    Mars is more fun than Venus!

    NASA knows - have you heard of a Venus probe or Venus lander?
  19. May 10, 2005 #18
    :rofl: Heehee! This made me laugh :rofl: Can anyone say 'latent homosexuals'? :wink: :biggrin:
  20. May 10, 2005 #19


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    None of the men posting in this thread will be tonight. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :devil:
  21. May 11, 2005 #20
    I'm dyslexic, I very often turn screws and nuts the wrong direction... so to speak.
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