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Why You Shouldn't Pay For Online Dating

  1. Jan 5, 2014 #1
    Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating
    http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html [Broken]

    Last edited: May 6, 2017
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 5, 2014 #2


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    I used to belong to match.com. I only dated men that *I* evaluated and contacted. Wow, did I hit the jackpot!! Some really amazing men on there.

    You have to use your brain on these sites, if you don't, well, then you deserve what you get.

    The picture of the blonde guy is Chris Coyne, a founder of OK cupid, and some one that used to take the time to talk to us.
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2014
  4. Jan 5, 2014 #3


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    Totally agree. I met my now-husband on Match.com, so I'm definitely a happy customer.

    I considered it a filter, not an attractant. I clearly stated my "odd" attributes: I'm atheist, I don't have a TV nor do I want one, I'm an early-to-bed, early-to-wake person, I'm a dork, etc. That got rid of a lot of riff raff. I did get a few "I wanna touch your hair" kind of responses but not enough to change my opinion of online dating.

    On the one non-pay site I was on, OK Cupid, I got *tons* more weirdo responses. On the pay sites, you get a bit better clientele, IMO.
  5. Jan 5, 2014 #4


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    note to self -- Make a match.com account. :uhh:
  6. Jan 6, 2014 #5
    I only skimmed through this but I have to say it looks pretty rigorous for what it is, looks like the author did the best he could working these things out.

    IME and from what I've heard from other guys, the odds are stacked against you if you are a male on a dating site, paid or otherwise. Meanwhile many of the girls my age I have known in my area regularly date new people on the major site in my region (which has some "pay-to-message" aspects, but you can reply all you want for free, making it a no-brainer for girls).

    I usually give sites like these a shot once a year but always end up with pretty depressing (non)results. I'm glad I never went all the way and spent money on them though.
  7. Jan 6, 2014 #6


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    This is a common business model for paying websites. LinkedIn does a similar thing with resumes and job applications. The desperation of subscribers is used to great advantage. You apply to a job and get in a queue. They tell you if you pay more they'll move you up in the queue.

    The company pays to advertize jobs and get lists of candidates. Candidates who paid more are marked as such and so the company can choose to ignore them thinking well they paid so they must not be as qualified or as confident of their chances of getting the job.

  8. Jan 6, 2014 #7


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    I'd like to see a sample distribution about success rates across these sites.
  9. Jan 6, 2014 #8
    That's not odd; those are my attributes as well. We should get together so I can touch your hair.
  10. Jan 6, 2014 #9
    Me first, Lisab can wait...
    (wait a second, he is a barber, isn't he?)
  11. Jan 6, 2014 #10


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    From the responses I get, there seems to be a consensus that the odds are stacked against you if you are an "average" man on a dating website (paid or otherwise). This leads me to ask 2 questions:

    (1) Suppose that more and more men decide subsequently to avoid dating websites altogether. Will that then lead to a better outcome for matches, or worse?

    (2) What would be the alternative to paid dating sites, if you are a man who wishes to avoid going to bars or the gym? (my personal view is that the most reliable way for a man to meet a woman is to be introduced to another person via family/friends/co-workers who can vouch for you i.e. one shouldn't separate seeking a date from seeking new friends more generally).
  12. Jan 7, 2014 #11
    1. The article seems to suggest the former.

    2. I wish I knew. I still work out regularly, but I don't think the gym -the place where men are their sweatiest and make the more bizarre and scary facial expressions- is the best place to meet a woman and make a good first impression.

    Last edited: Jan 7, 2014
  13. Jan 7, 2014 #12
    "It turns out you are 12.4 times more likely to get married this year if you don't subscribe to Match.com.",

    That's awesome :)
  14. Jan 16, 2014 #13
    Kind of.
  15. Jan 19, 2014 #14


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    I too met some interesting people on match. Unfortunately, most had unrealistic expectations. I tried to be a realist. End result - not so good. Everyone has character issues that are not necessarily attractive. It doesn't take long to figure that out. I'm not interested in other peoples issues. I would rather focus on what we have that works. That make me unattractive.
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