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Women earning more money than men

  1. Jul 19, 2005 #1
    Do you think women earning more than their husbands/partners puts strain in a relationship? How does one handle it?
    Sunayana
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 19, 2005 #2
    My last girlfriend grew up in a rather conservative family. She told me that she could not handle being with a man that made less money than she did. The only exception being if her partner took a particularly respectable job such as police or military or was following his dreams which lead him to take a lower paying job.
    Ofcourse she also needed, due to her situation, a partner who would be capable of taking care of her financially if need be.
     
  4. Jul 19, 2005 #3
    This just goes to show that the belief that the man has to make more than the woman isn't just a one way street. I think it's just an old tradition that is rapidly changing. This belief may have made sense a long time ago when men were the hunters and gathers and women were the cookers cleaners and looked after the children, but it has no place in today's society. Of course I was raised very liberally, so what makes sense to me may seem ludicrous to someone with a more traditional background. However it does speak volumes about a woman who's ideal mate hinges on monetary value...
     
  5. Jul 19, 2005 #4
    I would love it if my wife earned more than me. If this were true a tad over a year ago, while I was not going to school but working, I would have a ton of cash. --- did I just say I, I meant we... :devil:
     
  6. Jul 19, 2005 #5
    My parents have reversed roles. My mom, I'm pretty sure, makes more money than my dad. She's a top executive in a bank/investment corporation. My dad is just a lowly technician, but he also does the nightly cooking and transported us to school (the stereotypical 'mom things). I'm not sure how it affects their relationship. They are somewhat conservative, but they seem to have a typical and normal relationship. My dad still acts like the head of the household and even uses touts his 'mom' jobs as justification. He says that my mom's success is due in part to her luck in landing a starting position that would take a chance on her (my parents both didn't speak English natively, by the way, and my mom learned English as she was working). I would tend to agree with him, even though he says it most likely to avoid emasculation :biggrin:
     
  7. Jul 19, 2005 #6

    FredGarvin

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    I would love it if my wife made more than me. No problems there.

    How does one handle it? There's nothing to handle. Be glad that you are both prosperous and enjoy your life.
     
  8. Jul 19, 2005 #7
    My dream in life: Marry a rich broad, hire a maid to cook and clean, sit on my ass and spend her money. If she wants to divorce then that will be fine with me as long as I get half. :biggrin:
     
  9. Jul 19, 2005 #8

    Astronuc

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    One earns what one can. If my wife made more money, I'd have no problem whatsoever - we work together in mutual support. My only concern with respect to her work/job is that my wife is doing something meaningful and fulfilling, and I support her in such an endeavor.

    What do you mean "How does one handle it?"

    When two people 'really' love one another, they work together. There should be no strain because one earns more the other.
     
  10. Jul 19, 2005 #9
    I originally asked this question because a friend of mine turned down a job offer because she would earn more than her boyfriend does and this would upset him. She took up another job which she is not interested in. I guess this does not happen much outside India.
    Here, it is very rare to find women earning more than their partners, or women who have better qualifications.
    Of course, being a girl who is very determined to have a great career, I find it all very unfair.
    Sunayana.
     
  11. Jul 19, 2005 #10

    Moonbear

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    That sounds very foolish of her. If her boyfriend couldn't accept that she would earn more and be doing a job she would enjoy, then she should find a new boyfriend instead of a new job. But that's my American perspective; there may be different cultural pressures in India (though it seems foolish on the part of the men as well...cutting off their nose to spite their face by demanding women take lesser pay than them, so that means they are turning down a higher overall family income). I just think if some guy's foolish pride about wanting to earn more than his wife could overshadow everything else about their relationship, then they can't have much of a relationship anyway, and she'd be better off finding someone else who cares about her and not what she earns.
     
  12. Jul 19, 2005 #11

    Astronuc

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    I have seen such cases in the US and elsewhere. It is sad to see people do this.

    Nevertheless, I agree with Moonbear.
    Perhaps, it is our American/Western Culture, but similar cultural/societal pressures exist in the US.

    There are still many who believe that women are inferior, or that a woman's place is in the home, or that women should not be in positions of authority, or women should not be paid the same as or more than men. To these attitudes - I say, NONSENSE! :grumpy:

    On the other hand, I tend to go against convention anyway, especially when convention is clearly wrong - but that's me. :biggrin:
     
  13. Jul 19, 2005 #12

    Kerrie

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    Currently, I earn twice as much as my husband, and it doesn't put a strain on us whatsoever. He does a lot of the cooking and laundry too. We are due to have our first child this September, and we have already agreed that he will be home during the day with our baby and work evenings part time. I think society places huge burdens on men and women on what roles they should fill when it comes to families.
     
  14. Jul 19, 2005 #13
    Just my opinion but I believe that a baby should be breast feed for at least the first year. As such my wife would have to stay home with the baby for the first year unless we could work it out some other way. Perhaps a breast pump and a small refrigerator full of milk would work.

    Regards
     
  15. Jul 19, 2005 #14

    loseyourname

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    When I was still married, I didn't make any money. I was in college and my wife made $40K a year as a social worker. Maybe it's different because she was a decade older than me, but it never even occured to me that this might be odd.
     
  16. Jul 19, 2005 #15
    With my ex it was really only partly due to her upbringing and the way her parents would view her partner, she has a very close relationship with her family and always wants to be sure that she does not disappoint them.
    The main issue is her medical condition. Within the next coupld of years she will need to have hip surgery that may very well lay her up for a year or more. If she gets married she will need a partner that will be able to take care of her during that period of time or even later on if her problems persist.
    Other than this she is a very independant type woman. She currently has a supervisory position at the Hot Topic corperate offices and is very proud of herself.

    My personal view is that I don't care. Part of me would love to be able to take care of my partner and have her never worry about finances and do what ever she wanted to do with herself whether that be going to school, working, or pursuing some artistic endevour. Realistically though I know things can never be so perfect and if my partner had a wonderful job and made more money than I did it wouldn't bother me. If she held it over me that would bother me but that has more to do with our relationship than who makes more than who.
     
  17. Jul 19, 2005 #16

    Astronuc

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    My wife and I did the breastpump arrangement with my daughter and son. That way my wife could take off for a long period (hrs or a whole day) and I fed the baby breast milk. :smile:

    Personally, I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as possible - even if I had to take time away from work.
     
  18. Jul 19, 2005 #17

    Moonbear

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    I know several couples that have done that arrangement, and it always seems the fathers really enjoy the opportunity to feed and care for the baby (the other ideal part of that is that the mother can once in a while get a full night's sleep while the father gets up to take care of feedings, and vice versa). The women I work with have also been very supportive of each other during pregnancies and the breast pumping phase. One of my friends/coworkers got a small fridge for her office so she wouldn't have to store her breast milk in the common fridge (it was a two-way street there...she realized people might not be comfortable with that being around their food, and she wasn't comfortable with leaving it in the common fridge anyway), and shared that with one of the lab techs who had a baby about the same time (we joked that her office became the la leche league office...techs don't have offices, so she used my friend's office for privacy, and we all understood the appearance of the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door). I've even loaned out my office to other women who have needed privacy for breast pumping when the office or conference room they usually use is occupied for a meeting.
     
  19. Jul 19, 2005 #18

    Kerrie

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    i do plan to breastfeed, but for a whole year is not easy when you have to work...i was home the first year with my son and i could only do it for 4 months.
     
  20. Jul 19, 2005 #19

    Evo

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    There is no reason why a woman can't work full time and still breast feed. I almost always earn more than the men I meet.

    I made more than my husband when we were raising our kids. I breast fed my youngest until she was almost two (way too old, btw). The woman will adjust to the schedule, it's only difficult in the very beginning (too much milk). I went back to work full time after 6 weeks with no problem. You won't run out of milk and the child will not be affected. You don't even need to pump the milk, that's a fallacy that a lot of women don't even realize. You will continue to produce milk as long as your child nurses, even if it is only at night.

    It really doesn't matter if it's formula or breast milk (pschologically) to a child. I do think there are benefits from breast milk the first few weeks passed on from the mother, but after that, formula is fine.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2005
  21. Jul 20, 2005 #20

    Moonbear

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    That's if you are willing to supplement with formula when you aren't around. Pumping is more to provide a stored supply of milk so the baby can be bottle fed with breast milk when the mother isn't around.

    The current thinking is that breast milk during at least the first 6 months is better for the baby than formula. Breast feeding is also supposed to be good for the mother, 6 months to a year of breast feeding helps reduce the risk of breast cancer. With more and more women seeking fertility treatment and having children later in life, there's an increased cancer risk for both of those, so breast feeding helps bring them back to the "normal" risk range.

    Psychologically (since that's what the real point you were making), the important thing is that the baby is held during feeding. It doesn't matter if you are snuggling them up close and giving them a bottle or a breast, as long as you are snuggling them up close and not just shoving a bottle at them while they lie in their stroller or car carrier or bassinette.
     
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