World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

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In summary, the 700 scientists at the Zurich press conference denounced mice as creatures that they find revolting. They claim that the rodents' squeaking, beady eyes, and disgusting tails are what motivates them to conduct experiments on them.
  • #1
wasteofo2
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ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Nearly 700 scientists representing 27 countries convened at the University of Zurich Monday to formally announce that their experimentation on mice has been motivated not by a desire to advance human knowledge, but out of sheer distaste for the furry little rodents.

"As a man of science, I deal with facts, and the fact is that mice are gross," said Dr. Douglas White, chair of the Oxford biogenetics department and lifelong mouse-hater. "They're squirmy, scurrying little vermin, and they make my skin crawl. I speak for all of my assembled colleagues when I say that the horrible little things deserve the worst we can dish out."

According to a 500-word statement, scientists hate mice for "their beady little eyes," "their repulsive tails," and "the annoying little squeaking sounds they make."

At the press conference, several scientists detailed their involvement in the centuries-long ruse of "conducting experiments" and "curing diseases."

"For years, I've used lab mice to research cell breakdown in living tissue—and I've been lucky enough to make some pretty important medical advancements along the way," said researcher Ellen Gresham of the Harvard Institute for Advanced Studies. "But even if there were no scientific benefit to the work I do, I'd still experiment on mice, just to watch them suffer."

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4049&n=1
 
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  • #3
the truth is out there

I have a new respect for sci/phy(s)-heads.

Now about those monkeys.. :smile:
 
  • #4
I have always secretly suspected that the world's "top scientists" were actually cats.
 
  • #5
what's in a name

Off topic but still biologically correct (BC)...respecting forum rules.

Math Is Hard,

Like your name "Barbie." Better math than Midge :devil:
 
  • #6
Hopefully, you are reallizing this is joke!

I have seen people almost crying because they had to kill their mice for their experiment.
 
  • #7
meeces to pieces

I didn't know it was a joke. I didn't give it any thought actually. It gave me much pleasure (humoristically) at the time to stop to give it any real thought.

It did bring me to tears (hard to do in print) laughing as I read it.

A joke. Ok.

I am as warped as I thought those scientists were. Even. :rolleyes:

I love life - animals too.
 
  • #8
xck said:
Off topic but still biologically correct (BC)...respecting forum rules.

Math Is Hard,

Like your name "Barbie." Better math than Midge :devil:

Thank you. I harbor no animosity toward Midge (though we haven't spoken since my divorce from Ken). :biggrin:
I also have nothing against mice.
 
  • #9
You know, when I first saw the title to this thread, I was thinking, "Cool, someone is going to discuss the limitations of mice as research models!" :grumpy:

That was pretty funny though. :rofl:
 
  • #10
I sent this to a friend and he replied with a list of some of his favorites from The Onion

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes (1998)
Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia (1995)
Man With Heart Disease Eagerly Awaits Boy's Death (1996)
School Shooting Solves All of Troubled Youth's Problems (1998)
Basketball Star Blames God For Defeat (1996)
Saddam Hussein Steps Down Following Sex Scandal (1998)
Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act (1998)


Clinton deploys vowels to Bosnia! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

1. Why don't scientists like mice?

Scientists do not have a personal dislike for mice. The statement that "World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice" is not true. In fact, mice are one of the most commonly used animals in scientific research because of their genetic similarity to humans. Researchers may have to euthanize mice for their experiments, but this is done for the sake of advancing scientific knowledge and not because they don't like the animal.

2. Are mice not useful in scientific research?

Mice are extremely useful in scientific research. They are small, easy to handle, and reproduce quickly, making them ideal for studying genetics and disease. Mice have also contributed greatly to our understanding of human biology and have been essential in the development of many medical treatments and cures.

3. Don't scientists have ethical concerns about using mice in experiments?

Scientists do have ethical concerns about using animals in experiments, including mice. However, strict regulations and guidelines are in place to ensure that animals are treated humanely and that their use is justified for the advancement of scientific knowledge. Researchers must also obtain approval from ethical committees before conducting experiments involving animals.

4. How do scientists choose which animals to use in experiments?

Scientists consider many factors when choosing animals for experiments, including genetic similarity to humans, ease of handling, and availability. Other factors may include the animal's lifespan, reproductive rate, and susceptibility to certain diseases. In some cases, alternatives to animal use, such as cell cultures or computer simulations, may be used instead.

5. Is there anything being done to reduce the use of animals in experiments?

Yes, there are ongoing efforts to reduce and refine the use of animals in experiments. Scientists are constantly seeking new methods and technologies that can replace or reduce the need for animal testing. Additionally, there are strict regulations in place to ensure that animals are only used when necessary and that their welfare is prioritized throughout the research process.

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