Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

[twisting_edge]

Appearances aside, the title isn't mine, but is the original. I swiped the idea from http://forums.westhost.com/showthread.php?t=8297&page=1&pp=10".

In the spirit of "ask a stupid quetion", this is an iterative one. You grant the prior wish in the worst possible way, then make a wish of your own. (The following examples have all been swiped.)

1) I wish I didn't get so much spam.
Your wish is granted: your e-mail server has been deleted.

2) I wish I had my work done already.
Granted: You just lost your job.

3) I wish I had hair.
Your wish is granted, your hair is now long enough to braid, but you will need to start wearing sandals for anyone to see it, as all of it's on your feet.

I'll start.

I wish I had all the answers.

 

[Evo]

I wish I had all the answers.

Your wish is granted - Your head is so full of useless knowledge that you're frozen with indecision.

I wish I had a Teddy Ruxpin.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish I had a Teddy Ruxpin.

Your wish is granted: an old, non-functioning one with corroded batteries fell out of the garbage truck onto your front lawn.

I wish: the grant I'm submitting this week gets funded.

 

[twisting_edge]

I wish: the grant I'm submitting this week gets funded.

Your wish is granted. A philanthropist from Abu Dhabi funds your research. The NSA has already begun its investigation.

I wish I had next weeks' stock prices in hand.

 

[hypatia]

Wish Granted..unfortunately its live-stock, but there's money to be made in pork butts.

I wish i had a Island vacation this winter

 

[twisting_edge]

I wish i had a Island vacation this winter

Your wish is granted. You have embarked on a three hour tour. Unfortunately, it is on the SS Minnow. I trust you have lots of vacation time saved up.

I wish I had an AI smarter than me.

 

[theCandyman]

I wish I had an AI smarter than me.

Your wish is granted, however, due to it's self awareness, it has already self-deleted.

I wish I could speak every language on earth.

Haha, fun game.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish I could speak every language on earth.

Your wish is granted: Unfortunately, you don't understand every language on the Earth, so people mostly ignore you while you mutter to yourself in strange languages all day.

I wish I had a chocolate cake for dessert.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Your wish is granted: Unfortunately, you don't understand every language on the Earth, so people mostly ignore you while you mutter to yourself in strange languages all day.

I wish I had a chocolate cake for dessert.

your wish is granted. unfortunately, it's a urinal cake.

I wish I had a million U.S. dollars.

 

[Evo]

your wish is granted. unfortunately, it's a urinal cake.

I wish I had a million U.S. dollars.

Your wish is granted, unfortunately, they are Confederate US dollars.

I wish I was less accident prone.

 

[hypatia]

Sorry Evo, apparently no one can grant that wish...

I wish my cold to go away befor Thanksgiving

 

[theCandyman]

I wish I was less accident prone.

Your wish is granted, but you are now bed-ridden for the next year.

I wish my cold to go away before Thanksgiving

Your wish is granted, this year's Thanksgiving has been cancelled, you should be well by next year!

 

[Moonbear]

Candyman, you forgot to make your wish!

 

[theCandyman]

Sorry, I granted two wishes and was too tired to type it.

I wish that I ace all my final exams.

 

[moose]

Your wish is granted, however you were caught cheating later on, and you didn't receive credit for your course.

I wish that I get accepted to Cornell University (I find out December 11th!).

 

[twisting_edge]

I wish that I get accepted to Cornell University (I find out December 11th!).

Your wish is granted. When they do not accept you as a student, you become slightly deranged, and wrap a car around a tree, sustaining serious head injuries. After months of rehabilitation, you are nearly capable of filling the role of a janitor. Cornell suddenly goes on a campaign to rid itself of illegal immigrant workers, and is one of the few places to accept your job application for that role (you can transfer to the food service department if you prove yourself reliable over time).

I wish I wasn't supposed to be at the office by 7:30.

(Note the time of the post.)

 

[Moonbear]

I wish I wasn't supposed to be at the office by 7:30.

Your wish is granted: You have a new "early bird" boss who schedules mandatory meetings every morning at 5:30 AM.

I wish I could get someone else to do the grocery shopping I need to do today.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I wish I could get someone else to do the grocery shopping I need to do today.

Your wish is granted, however, I did your shopping and you now only have a weeks supply of limburgher cheeze, capers, and bread & butter pickles.

I wish I could hurry and finish school.

 

[turbo]

Your wish is granted, however, I did your shopping and you now only have a weeks supply of limburgher cheeze, capers, and bread & butter pickles.

I wish I could hurry and finish school.

Your wish is granted. You have been expelled with no chance of re-enrollment. There is an assistant manager job open at McDonald's.

I wish I had a real working Jedi light-saber.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I wish I had a real working Jedi light-saber.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, yaint got skilz and General Grievous just pulled into the driveway.

 

[Evo]

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, yaint got skilz and General Grievous just pulled into the driveway.

You forgot to make a wish.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Oops...I wish my sinuses would stop draining.

 

[turbo]

Oops...I wish my sinuses would stop draining.

Your wish has been granted. Your sinuses will no longer drain, but will accumulate fluids causing excruciating pain.

I wish that the Earth's axis of rotation was not inclined, so we could all pick a latitude and enjoy it.

 

[moose]

Your wish has been granted. Your sinuses will no longer drain, but will accumulate fluids causing excruciating pain.

I wish that the Earth's axis of rotation was not inclined, so we could all pick a latitude and enjoy it.

Your wish is granted. However, this was caused by several GIGANTIC collisions! The only life on Earth left to enjoy the latitude they have chosen is this smiley

I wish I wasn't so sleepy right now.


EDIT: I noticed that on a lot of these, saying "your wish is granted, you died" would work.

EDIT2: None of these were actual edits, I just use this isntead of a ps or something.

EDIT3: lol

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I wish I wasn't so sleepy right now.

Your wish is granted. However, the water boarding used to accomplish this has left you with pulmonary fibrosis and pneumonia.

I wish middle and high school teachers were paid at least 20 percent more than they are now.

 

[matthyaouw]

Granted. The extra money has to come from other government areas such as the police, who go on mass strike, at which point country wide riots break out as there is no one to stop it.

I wish I didn't have to get up at 4:30am tomorrow to measure tidal currents.

 

[pete5383]

"I wish I didn't have to get up at 4:30am tomorrow to measure tidal currents."


Granted: All of Earth's water mysteriously vanishes. You get to wake up late, unfortunately, when you do wake up, you're really thirsty...alas, there is no water.


I wish that my Calc class was curved.

 

[SticksandStones]

Granted, but it's a bell-curve and you get a C.

I wish I had a balloon.

 

[Mech_Engineer]

Granted. Unfortunately by misspelling "balloon" you have received a rowing vessel formerly used in various parts of the Indies. Enjoy.

I wish I had more wishes.

 

[Pyrrhus]

I wish I had more wishes.

Granted, but they are all twisted wishes.

I wish everybody got what they wanted from Christmas.