View Full Version : why do you not sit next to people on their own?
nucleargirl
Oct4-11, 05:58 PM
So I was at my new uni, its fresher's week and I didnt know anyone. so I thought, why not sit on my own in a relatively conspicuous place and wait for other lonely people to sit next to me and talk to me! So I did. and I ate two satsumas while I waited.... and waited. Lots of people walked past and some looked at me, but none of them sat down or tried to talk to me! WHY???? I'm sure lots of them were on their own and didnt know anyone?
and today I did the same, and one annoying and very arrogant 5th year medic sat and babbled some stuff at me - didnt try to talk to me or make conversation, just talked at me about his friends. who were also annoying and presumptious - one of them greeted me in Japanese... uh I'm not Japanese! why dont I just speak to you in a random foreign language and expect you to be happy about that! dumbass.
Anyway, rant over. and as Pengy would say...
DISCUSS!!!!!
Pengwuino
Oct4-11, 06:00 PM
Don't steal my line.
Also, what? I was always taught never to speak to strangers. You might murder me with your death fruit.
Closing thoughts: Really? How often do people randomly sit and talk to strangers unless they're trying to pick them up for hawt fish sex?
nucleargirl
Oct4-11, 06:04 PM
I quoted you!
Pengwuino
Oct4-11, 06:06 PM
I quoted you!
I expect royalties.
People in class talk when assignments' deadlines are near.
So I was at my new uni, its fresher's week and I didnt know anyone. so I thought, why not sit on my own in a relatively conspicuous place and wait for other lonely people to sit next to me and talk to me! So I did. and I ate two satsumas while I waited.... and waited. Lots of people walked past and some looked at me, but none of them sat down or tried to talk to me! WHY???? I'm sure lots of them were on their own and didnt know anyone?
and today I did the same, and one annoying and very arrogant 5th year medic sat and babbled some stuff at me - didnt try to talk to me or make conversation, just talked at me about his friends. who were also annoying and presumptious - one of them greeted me in Japanese... uh I'm not Japanese! why dont I just speak to you in a random foreign language and expect you to be happy about that! dumbass.
Anyway, rant over. and as Pengy would say...
DISCUSS!!!!!
Maybe you should be the one joining a person sitting alone.
nucleargirl
Oct4-11, 06:45 PM
sub-tangent... sorry, just must get it off my chest!
I went to the fresher's fair today and there was a DJ society... and OMG...
these guys were amazing!!!! like I'm sorry physicists, but you might have been outdone!!
Can you imagine? Real-life engineers and science guys mashed up with tech prowess and an attitude of creativity, all wrapped up in polite gentlemanliness!!!
..... wow.
nucleargirl
Oct4-11, 06:50 PM
Maybe you should be the one joining a person sitting alone.
I do! But there are not as many people sitting alone as you might think - this morning, after being kept awake all night, I went to the canteen to get breakfast. and I looked around, there was literally one person sitting by themselves who didnt look like a professor... and I didnt want to sit next to a professor in case they thought I had ulterior motives! so I went to sit next to this guy, and we talked and went to the museum together! and it was great! I guess I didnt sit alone for enough time, or in a conspicuous enough place... must try harder.
DaveC426913
Oct4-11, 06:54 PM
Confusion.
Without prompting, you expect a complete stranger to sit down and start talking.
You get annoyed when no one does.
Until someone does.
And then you don't like it.
Are you sure you're not this (http://physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=535688) girl?
:wink:
At the airport one time a while back in the preboarding lounge there was a hot chick sitting all alone, while all the other people were huddled in a far off corner ( so it seemed ). Rather than huddle, I sat next to her and we conversed. Turns out she was in town with her drummer boyfriend from Pat Benatar's band and flying back to New York. She offered tickets to the concert and insert into the after concert party and who would be there none other than Robin Williams. Unfortunately I made a bad choice and boarded the plane and missed out on all the fun. She was wearing some kind of leapard pants by the way, so I guess that was somewhat California style of fashion . Anyways you never know who you will meet if and when you try.
So that is where I got the idea ( from looking at the huddling mass ) that most young guys, or girls, will not approach a lone individual on the off chance they may be rejected.
Probably not applicable in your case but in others no doubt.
Pengwuino
Oct4-11, 07:00 PM
Are you sure you're not this (http://physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=535688) girl?
:wink:
That's my prevailing theory.
autodidude
Oct4-11, 10:02 PM
i'm one of the people who sit alone, always sit on the edge so there can only be one person next to me
Why don't you try starting the conversation? I sit on my own in the front of the class and I am too shy to talk to people. It is not until someone starts a conversation with me that I start to talk. I try not to let the conversation die so I can let them know I am still interested in interacting with them.
TheStatutoryApe
Oct5-11, 04:30 AM
People approach me and talk to me while I am on my own fairly frequently. I find it annoying most of the time.
She was wearing some kind of leapard pants by the way, so I guess that was somewhat California style of fashion.
That seems more like Jersey fashion sense. I live in California and rarely see leopard print. Though there is a very attractive young lady that goes to my favourite bar who has a leopard print tattoo and is named Sheena (I thought that was cute).
Go sit and talk to a girl all by herself? I have tried this fairly recently. I walked over and said "mind if I join you?". Almost sat down and before another word left my mouth I got a "I have a boyfriend" and she got up and left (by the way that was not my intention)!
Will be some quite time before I try that again... sigh...
"I have a boyfriend" and she got up and left (by the way that was not my intention)!
There must be something wrong with you internet connection because it cut off the part most interesting.
"I have a boyfriend" and she got up and left me her telephone number. Turning her head slightly she coyly murmured " Call me sometime. Soon." (by the way that was not my intention)
Jack21222
Oct5-11, 01:43 PM
Is it a common practice for people to talk to people they don't know? Maybe I'm just anti-social, but when I'm sitting by myself, it's a fear of mine that somebody will come over and try to talk to me. I always assumed it was a completely irrational fear, because it pretty much never happens. Should I be worried?
FlexGunship
Oct5-11, 01:48 PM
so I thought, why not sit on my own in a relatively conspicuous place and wait for other lonely people to sit next to me and talk to me! So I did. and I ate two satsumas while I waited.... and waited.
Why did no one sit with you? For the same reason you didn't go sit with anyone else.
That being said, I'm exactly the type to randomly sit down with someone (especially a pretty girl) for no good reason. Everyone on Earth is fascinating in some way, it can be fun (if not challenging) to tease that side of them out.
Me: "Hello."
Stranger: "Oh, hi."
Me: "I find it fascinating that we can tell the direction of a sound simply by the relative difference in the time that the sound reaches each of our ears."
Stranger: "I enjoy sandwiches."
Is it a common practice for people to talk to people they don't know? Maybe I'm just anti-social, but when I'm sitting by myself, it's a fear of mine that somebody will come over and try to talk to me. I always assumed it was a completely irrational fear, because it pretty much never happens. Should I be worried?
I bet that type of anxiety affects quite a fair number of people. A lot of people just do not want to be disturbed from their own little space around them and some stranger coming up destroys the serenity they were in. Somehow I think it similar to the fear where one is being singled out from the crowd, such as being picked in class to answer a question. Sure it is irrational, and if carried to the extreme where the fear takes over your life, than you would have a problem.
Maybe it is not so irrational after all, but an evolutioanry carry over from cave man times of the "fight or flight" syndrome. After all, how could Mr. Caveman know whether or not the approaching caveman was coming over to inquire of directions to the watering hole or to club him over the head. So the anxiety fear factor kicks in to say " Be aware."
Mathguy15
Oct5-11, 09:18 PM
So I was at my new uni, its fresher's week and I didnt know anyone. so I thought, why not sit on my own in a relatively conspicuous place and wait for other lonely people to sit next to me and talk to me! So I did. and I ate two satsumas while I waited.... and waited. Lots of people walked past and some looked at me, but none of them sat down or tried to talk to me! WHY???? I'm sure lots of them were on their own and didnt know anyone?
and today I did the same, and one annoying and very arrogant 5th year medic sat and babbled some stuff at me - didnt try to talk to me or make conversation, just talked at me about his friends. who were also annoying and presumptious - one of them greeted me in Japanese... uh I'm not Japanese! why dont I just speak to you in a random foreign language and expect you to be happy about that! dumbass.
Anyway, rant over. and as Pengy would say...
DISCUSS!!!!!
I normally don't talk to people sitting alone because of lack of familiarity. I always have nagging doubts about stuff being awkward.
micromass
Oct5-11, 09:23 PM
I am extremely uncomfortable around strangers and I never know how to behave. I will never approach a stranger and talk to him. I would not like a stranger approaching me and talking to me.
I am comfortable in positions when people know what to expect from me, though. For example, I can teach strangers very well and I seem to be very sociable when I do so. But when there is no fixed role for me, then I freak out.
Math Is Hard
Oct5-11, 09:27 PM
She was wearing some kind of leapard pants by the way, so I guess that was somewhat California style of fashion .
Yep! I have those!
DaveC426913
Oct5-11, 09:44 PM
Yep! I have those!
You know better than to make an unfounded assertion.
Evidence please.
fluidistic
Oct5-11, 10:51 PM
Personally I'd be ashamed to sit close to a woman when I have the option not to (I feel like that would mean I somehow like how she looks and that's shameful). On the other hand if a man is sat there, I wouldn't mind at all sitting next to him.
That might explain why I never had and still don't have any female friend while I'm much comfortable talking to men and hence the sex of my friends.
Everyone seems to shy in this thread.
I chat up people all the time, especially women. It is always interesting, and of course sometimes they just want be left alone and that's ok!.
I feel unimaginably awkward about approaching strangers. Guys are hard enough, my fear in this case is that I don't have anything to say, but girls ... urgh, a) what do I say b) will they think I'm coming onto them c) do they have a boyfriend and in that case could my actions be construed by him as infringing d) I don't even know what goes here but I'm sure it involves molten lava.
At the end of the day, I keep to myself. Safer for everyone. :S
nucleargirl
Oct6-11, 04:10 PM
first things first: can someone tell me why all my visitor messages have been deleted? and why some of by blog posts are gone too? strange?
secondly... I talked to another stranger today, actually I talked to about 20 as it was the first day of my course, but thats not relevant here. But I guess thats why I don't feel awkward approaching people I dont know - its fresher's week and you are supposed to do that.
So I was going home, and I wanted to walk through hyde park. it was evening and I didnt want to walk on my own. so I followed this guy in front of me - I knew he must go to the same uni. It was pretty fun following him, but was a bit stalkerish... so I ran up and started talking to him. and it was fine, turns out we were indeed from the same uni and going the same way! we walked together and talked. But then we went our seperate ways, and the thing about London is that its so big that I probably won't bump into him again for another 3 years. yeah... its difficult to make friends by talking to strangers on the street.
I like Serena
Oct6-11, 04:14 PM
Take a look at this thread:
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=532674
Btw, your blog shouldn't be gone.
nucleargirl
Oct6-11, 04:17 PM
ah!!!! Thanks!
that explains everything.
and as for my blog posts, I think I had deleted them myself some time ago, but I must have forgotten that in my fearful state...
DaveC426913
Oct6-11, 08:39 PM
So I was going home, and I wanted to walk through hyde park.
Just came back from London.
pix! (http://www.davesbrain.ca/adventures/11london/index.html)
Had barely enough time to walk through Hyde Park.
I could spend the rest of my life exploring London.
it was evening and I didnt want to walk on my own. so I followed this guy in front of me - I knew he must go to the same uni. It was pretty fun following him, but was a bit stalkerish... so I ran up and started talking to him. and it was fine, turns out we were indeed from the same uni and going the same way! we walked together and talked. But then we went our seperate ways, and the thing about London is that its so big that I probably won't bump into him again for another 3 years. yeah... its difficult to make friends by talking to strangers on the street.
The world would be better place with more girls as brave as you.
(Unless you're like all Fatal Attraction & stuff.)
FlexGunship
Oct7-11, 07:49 AM
yeah... its difficult to make friends by talking to strangers on the street.
Shouldn't talk to strangers... or swim within 30 minutes of eating.
Astronuc
Oct7-11, 08:24 AM
Everyone is a stranger, until one gets to know them.
At the airport one time a while back in the preboarding lounge there was a hot chick sitting all alone, while all the other people were huddled in a far off corner ( so it seemed ). . . . . In a somewhat similar circumstance, I was sitting in an airport waiting for my flight, and a very attractive woman came and sat in the seat right at my side. She could have sat in dozens of other locations, or a few seats away, or across the aisle. I figured she thought I was safe. :biggrin:
I have no problem striking up a conversation with strangers, and strangers apparently have no trouble approaching me. Usually though, I'm reading or busy with something so folks leave alone.
ArcanaNoir
Oct8-11, 06:30 PM
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come....
Pengwuino
Oct8-11, 06:56 PM
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come....
You're clearly not doing it right.
ArcanaNoir
Oct8-11, 07:26 PM
You're clearly not doing it right.
Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?
Pengwuino
Oct8-11, 07:29 PM
Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?
I'm not sure. I just like telling people that they're not doing it right.
ArcanaNoir
Oct8-11, 07:36 PM
I'm not sure. I just like telling people that they're not doing it right.
I say it in my head all the time while picturing lolcats :rofl:
Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?Could you prominently display a couple of really high-test math texts so that math geeks get intrigued.
When I was looking for new contacts, I'd baby-sit a malamute belonging to a female Swiss exchange student. Nikki and I would sit on the library steps, and young ladies would throw themselves at him. It's shocking how many college girls will let their guard down and spend time with a stranger if he has a handsome dog by his side.
My wife always says that if she dies, I have to take Duke walking in parks, etc, until he finds me a good wife.
Here beggars carry dogs or kittens with them I was bit intrigued watching how good they are with ladies haha
When I sit in class people seem to avoid the two chairs on each side of me. My theory is that I'm some sort of scary dude.:uhh:
Your're not this guy are you
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=scary+dude&docid=1052637725692&mid=6F12E5AE87D4D6B6529E6F12E5AE87D4D6B6529E&FORM=VIRE5#
Your're not this guy are you
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=scary+dude&docid=1052637725692&mid=6F12E5AE87D4D6B6529E6F12E5AE87D4D6B6529E&FORM=VIRE5#
:bugeye:
Unfortunately not.
WannabeNewton
Oct9-11, 07:50 AM
Post on craigs list.
Astronuc
Oct9-11, 09:03 AM
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come.... Isn't there a student chapter of the AMS at the university?
http://www.ams.org/profession/student
Presumably one could arrange a study or discussion group at the library, or at least meet one or two other cool math people with whom one could interact.
Perhaps people are subject to the Pauli exclusion principle.
Astronuc
Oct9-11, 09:13 AM
Perhaps people are subject to the Pauli exclusion principle. as well as the uncertainty principle.
Opposite spins attract?
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come....
I would go around library and hunt them down :devil:
Just came back from London.
pix! (http://www.davesbrain.ca/adventures/11london/index.html)
Had barely enough time to walk through Hyde Park.
Nice pics, you got to visit a lot of places!
Not to be too pedantic, but what you call the legendary london bridge is actually called tower bridge.
DaveC426913
Oct9-11, 06:10 PM
Nice pics, you got to visit a lot of places!
Not to be too pedantic, but what you call the legendary london bridge is actually called tower bridge.
Yeah. :blushing: I really should change that.
It's really quite annoying when random strangers try to converse with me for no reason at all. Even a pretty girl gets me annoyed very quickly if I'm not in small talk mood (which is like 95% of the time). I only talk people up when I have an intention (hitting on a girl would be a typical reason).
Earplugs/iPod and a book are my main tools of defense here!
DaveC426913
Oct16-11, 06:05 PM
It's really quite annoying when random strangers try to converse with me for no reason at all. Even a pretty girl gets me annoyed very quickly if I'm not in small talk mood (which is like 95% of the time). I only talk people up when I have an intention (hitting on a girl would be a typical reason).
Would this be an example of a double standard?
You do unto other people something that, when done to you, is annoying? :wink:
Would this be an example of a double standard?
You do unto other people something that, when done to you, is annoying? :wink:
Touche.
Well I wouldn't hit on a girl in an everday situation like public transportation. Most likely it is because I'm totally not in the mood usually, but I like to tell myself it is because I respect the privacy of others as I want mine to be respected.
Especially for the original thread starter, I remembered this gem, too:
http://xkcd.com/642/
Especially for the original thread starter, I remembered this gem, too:
http://xkcd.com/642/
Haha, I saw that XKCD a month or so back, the truth, it hurts. :P
I like Serena
Oct17-11, 04:13 PM
Neh! The truth is wonderful!! :smile:
nucleargirl
Oct19-11, 03:19 PM
ok, so I'm living in halls now, and most people stay in their rooms in the evening. the ones in the common room are either watching football or playing a drinking game. I want to do neither but I want to talk to people! Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
DaveC426913
Oct19-11, 05:21 PM
Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
Yes.
But you're a chick so it might work out.
Jack21222
Oct19-11, 06:03 PM
s it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
It's quite possibly the weirdest thing I've ever heard of.
I like Serena
Oct19-11, 06:10 PM
If a girl knocked on my door, I'd think it weird, but it would also intrigue me... :smile:
TBH, if a guy did, I'd expect an ulterior motive and brush him off.
People who sit quietly at home do not attract my attention. :wink:
AlephZero
Oct19-11, 07:15 PM
Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
"...Tabak was invited into Miss Yeates's flat when she saw him walking past her kitchen window. It was here, Mr Clegg said, where the pair introduced themselves to one another "and chatted as neighbours would"...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-15368208
DaveC426913
Oct19-11, 07:19 PM
"...Tabak was invited into Miss Yeates's flat when she saw him walking past her kitchen window. It was here, Mr Clegg said, where the pair introduced themselves to one another "and chatted as neighbours would"...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-15368208
Cautionary tale, true. But I think she's in a dorm, not wandering the neighborhood..
Drakkith
Nov11-11, 06:51 AM
ok, so I'm living in halls now, and most people stay in their rooms in the evening. the ones in the common room are either watching football or playing a drinking game. I want to do neither but I want to talk to people! Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
Umm, what do you mean by "I'm living in halls now"?
DaveC426913
Nov11-11, 08:01 AM
Umm, what do you mean by "I'm living in halls now"?
A dorm.
i.e. she's knocking on the doors of fellow dormers, not wandering the dark streets, knocking on the doors of the homes of complete strangers.
nucleargirl
Nov11-11, 03:40 PM
lol! I am living in student accommodation with like 300 other students!
I tried knocking on people's doors today... 3 in fact, and none of them were in!!
It is easier to meet people on facebook...
anyway, I can't be bothered now. term's begun, I've got too much work, and yeah.
pergradus
Nov11-11, 04:13 PM
Ha, looks like I was dead right about you, if you recall our little exchange. Just so you know I have a girlfriend and she makes me dinner every weekend, and she's great. :approve:
But on the whole topic of sitting next to strangers - why would I? If I have some reason to talk to someone - they're in a class of mine, we're in the same club, or share some common thread, then sure why not - but a total stranger? Just another human who's consuming resources and bringing up the cost of oil as far as I'm concerned, and I have zero interest in meeting random people.
Drakkith
Nov11-11, 06:15 PM
A dorm.
i.e. she's knocking on the doors of fellow dormers, not wandering the dark streets, knocking on the doors of the homes of complete strangers.
I'm assuming she has a dorm room and isn't literally living in the halls right?
Nucleargirl, I can tell you exactly why people don't sit next to you. It's because they don't WANT to. The reasons why are varied, but most probably don't enjoy attempting to sit next to a complete stranger and striking up conversation, and to many you simply aren't part of their "bubble" of things they care about.
nucleargirl
Nov11-11, 07:19 PM
Why would they not want to?! ha. impossible :p
ok, I guess yeah, in a normal situation people dont randomly talk to strangers. But I was originally referring to a fresher's week on campus kind of situation! when and where it is the thing to do to meet new people! so I was surprised that people ignored others who were by themselves. But yeah, I guess it all boils down to the same thing.
well, I am actually trying a new thing now. it is called - being independent, and I dont need you to talk to me! I am so badass you'll want to talk to me and I will ignore YOU!
anyway... it seems to be working.
nucleargirl
Nov11-11, 07:23 PM
Ha, looks like I was dead right about you, if you recall our little exchange. Just so you know I have a girlfriend and she makes me dinner every weekend, and she's great. :approve:
But on the whole topic of sitting next to strangers - why would I? If I have some reason to talk to someone - they're in a class of mine, we're in the same club, or share some common thread, then sure why not - but a total stranger? Just another human who's consuming resources and bringing up the cost of oil as far as I'm concerned, and I have zero interest in meeting random people.
lol! what conversation?? I am very good at forgetting.
I love how you had to preface it all with your girlfriend situation!!! lol is that how it is now!!
nucleargirl
Nov11-11, 07:27 PM
ah... I remember now :p come on! get over it!
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