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Writing: Input Wanted Eden Cronicles, Time to wake up

by Nimbian
Tags: sf story
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r4z0r84
#19
Oct17-12, 05:29 PM
P: 92
Nimbian, i have met a new friend that is also dyslexic she uses "dragon naturally speaking" (voice to text software) to write everything on the computer, i must also say it is of a great feat to write a novel as a dyslexic i have seen my friend write without using a voice to text type program and it is close to impossible to read and it frustrates her constantly.

Dont give up, also i do have to agree with the others in terms of current and past events in the same sentence but i only see that if i analise and dont just read your work, I am no english teacher or anything of the sort (i usually dont read books at all) but i find this story quite interesting!

keep up the good work!
Nimbian
#20
Nov8-12, 12:17 PM
P: 20
Thanks Every one. I haven't given up. I just have no time at the moment, due to a new Job.

Hopefully I can get Chapter 1 up before December.
I'll look into Dragon Naturally speaking and into the other forum that was suggested when I have more time.

and again Thanks for the support
Nimbian
#21
Dec25-12, 11:13 PM
P: 20
Hello Everyone.

While I'd love to post the next chapter I can not as I have not had the time to actually write it. so instead to keep both this thread alive and active, and to keep my story in mind so I can actually write it. I've decided to get your options of several plot (for lack of a better word) devices and Background to see if there is any obvious questions about the Technologies, Civilizations, or peoples that I should answer.

Feel free not to read this post if you don't want to know the background of my "universe"

1st.
Nexagona (a world/ star Empire) has gone thru many changes since its founding (before Earths destruction) The one constant has been its monarchy, Its been a Elective monarchy to a Cult of personality (similar to emperor worship in Rome, except more.... rock star-ish.) and into it current form of Technocratic Meritocracy Utopia. (utopia being the Ideal they are attempting to achieve). Currently the Royal family is extremely active in the maintenance and governance of their growing empire (from a single world to over 30 in the last thousand years.) The governance of the empire is entrusted to the "Nobility", who's parents can be of any station. Position in the government (Civil service) is determined, for the most part, by ability intellectual and physical. Ruler-ship is traditionally limited to specific family lines and then the most capable member is chosen when ever there is an opening.

However any Title can be handed out by the Royal Family to any deserving or worthy individual, and any title can also be revoked by the current reigning King or Queen, provided certain conditions have been met (Such as evidence of corruption, treason, or unlawful usurpation of another title.)
Drakkith
#22
Jan9-13, 10:35 PM
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If you are really interested in writing, I'd highly recommend getting a few books on the subject. I personally like "Make a Scene" by Jordan E. Rosenfeld, and "How NOT to Write a Novel" by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman. Both are very educational and fun reads.

For one thing, I really hope that isn't a whole chapter you have posted here, as it's FAR too short. You just started your first scene and it really hasn't even gotten going yet.

As for your background, well it seems fine to me, but perhaps a little too "perfect". Unless of course that's how it's really supposed to be and the plot elaborates on perhaps the struggles of maintaining the quality of the leadership, or something of that nature. Or you could just ignore explaining it out right and focus on telling the story. That can work too. It really depends on what you are writing.

Also, do you have an idea of what the overall plot is for your story yet? It may help if you know the direction you will head in before writing.
Nimbian
#23
Jan13-13, 09:34 PM
P: 20
No it isn't a whole chapter its just a prelude. and thanks for the suggested reading, I'll look into getting a copy of both books

As for my background piece its just one of many societies that exists in the universe. and while it seems a little Idealistic its because it is. Nexagona is striving for perfection, and knowingly falling short of it. The costs both materially and of people are not mentioned, and the above only covers over the ruling class, not the rest of the population, on the 30 odd worlds they control. The main connection with the story is the little girl in the above prelude is a member of the Royal family.

The Main plot of the story resolves around a group of cultures (alien) that are manipulating Galactic Law (of which humanity, save the Edenites, are unaware of) in a bid for domination of Human space. (there is a lot of history of why humanity is impotent enough to be protected by Galactic law.)

The Main purpose of the Laws are to prevent an all out conflict between cultures who have enough Technology/power/means to decimate entire star-systems or even cause damage to the stability/livability of the Galaxy. Cultures that violate these laws a swiftly dealt with by the entire community. Humanity was considered a Galactic Level civilization under the Edenites, and Humanity is still protected by systems left by them, and Eden's One ally on the Galactic council. But should Eden prove unable to "protect" Humanity another group can step in.

To this end they are un-terraforming (Reversing the process to how the world was before Eden Terraformed it) human worlds to create a crisis that Humanity will be unable to solve, thus necessitating aid by the Galactic Council, which in turn opens Humanity to becoming a protectorate of one of these unnamed alien races.

Nimbus Who has no knowledge of this (being from a time just before the Edenites became a member of the Galactic council). Starts putting it all together, and has to (by virtue of being the last Edenite) put a stop to it, unite Humanity, and basically save the day.
Drakkith
#24
Jan13-13, 10:24 PM
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Sounds like a plot to me!
brenan
#25
Feb20-13, 10:28 AM
P: 37
A word of caution - I wrote my first SF short in 1978.
Then I started reading books about writing and found I enjoyed reading about
writing more than actually putting pencil to paper. Maybe because they were
such good books full of truth and real help - I kept thinking I needed more help than I did. (maybe - some might say I still need a lot more ... )
Anyway - I didn't finish anything again for 20 years. Too busy reading to write.

The best book I ever read was a very old one By L. Sprague DeCamp - If you can track that down it may be worth a read although the practical stuff in it is seriously out of date now.
Nimbian
#26
Feb25-13, 01:52 AM
P: 20
Thanks for stopping by Brenan

if your talking about this Book then I'll keep an eye out for it.

I just really wish I had more time in which to actually sit down and write with. just too many projects on the go, and unfortunately most of them are not "optional" :(

so far I have written and rewritten the first chapter at least three times.... :( one of these attempts I'll feel comfortable enough to let you guys tear it apart. :) I just want enough left when your done so it still has one leg to stand on... :)

Anyway thanks to every one that is following this thread.
Drakkith
#27
Feb25-13, 05:25 AM
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Nimbian, if you've re-written the first chapter 3 times then it's time to put it away and move on to the next. You need to get the story down first before you go back and re-write. At least more than 1 chapter.
brenan
#28
Feb25-13, 06:43 AM
P: 37
Quote Quote by Nimbian View Post
Thanks for stopping by Brenan

if your talking about this Book then I'll keep an eye out for it.
Yes thats the one. The version I have is the revised edition. I wish it was in better
condition - I've just found half the front dust cover on my shelf but no book.
I'll have to hunt it out.
Nimbian
#29
Feb25-13, 11:37 AM
P: 20
Don't I know it Drakkith.

Its more a long the lines of being unhappy with the perspective, and balancing the attention I'm giving the characters and the environment. I also find my self writing from different characters perspectives.

The first chapter is hard for me because every thing is new for the reader, and trying to balance what is necessary for the audience to know and what is, for lack of a better way of saying it, "cool" (at least to me)
Drakkith
#30
Feb25-13, 03:22 PM
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Quote Quote by Nimbian View Post
Don't I know it Drakkith.

Its more a long the lines of being unhappy with the perspective, and balancing the attention I'm giving the characters and the environment. I also find my self writing from different characters perspectives.
Cut it all out except for one, MAYBE two characters at most.

The first chapter is hard for me because every thing is new for the reader, and trying to balance what is necessary for the audience to know and what is, for lack of a better way of saying it, "cool" (at least to me)
I can only recommend a few books I've read myself.

Make a Scene
The Idiots Guide to Writing a Novel
How NOT to Write a Novel
Nimbian
#31
Nov29-13, 05:47 AM
P: 20
hey guys its been much longer then i ever intended in coming but i do have the much delayed next chapter in my story. instead of delaying yet again until its perfect here it is


Chapter 1


5mm, is all that stood between Inkel and his target. 5mm of Diamond smart glass created over a thousand years ago, is the reason Inkel now watches his target from the tube transport, that has ferried millions of tourists over the years to see the sights of this ancient Edenite station. Inkel pull out some cheep tourists binoculars and examines a similar transport tube a little over a kilometer away with the vast interior of the immense station. Identical to his own the transport inside the tube is cylinder just over three meters in height with devices on the top and bottom to grip the sides of the tube, called stoppers according to the Tourist Guide Book, in the unlikely event that the main lifting mechanism should fail. Since fully occupying this station over one thousand years ago no one has ever found the mechanism that powers it. According to the guide book in the early days before the Edenites disappeared, the transports did not even have the Stoppers.
Adjusting the settings on the binoculars, he zooms in closer to see if he can spot his target in the other tube, but the image was to blurry, the binoculars software apparently couldn't compensate for either the distance, speed, or the occasional support ring that seems to hold the ten kilometer long tubes together, perhaps a combination thereof. It didn't matter, in a few minutes the tube would arrive, and Inkel would have little time to reach his position and set up before the other tube transport arrives.
When he arrives Inkel quickly clears the arrival station, noticing as expected that the security was much higher here then elsewhere on the station. Unsurprising given that the Monument room, the second of the two main attractions on the station was located in here, where the old Edenite Embassy was once located, and next to where station control is currently is. Security would not be a problem since Inkel made arrangements in the week since he arrived to have all he would need smuggled in by various other “Support Assets”. As he approaches his planed “sniper perch” on the upper level of the monument room he collects the items he needs, from items “left behind” and “forgotten” by various people in his employ. Fitting the parts together is easy, and with a scientific/student pass the guards don't even look twice at a man carrying bits of hardware. These particular bits when connected in the proper order thou make a very small, accurate and powerful x-ray laser emitter. Of which had only two drawbacks its power source, and durability. It would only be able to fire once or twice before the focusing lens would literally burn out, and the battery only has enough power to fire two shots. To Inkel this was a perfect weapon, he would only require one shot, and then depending on the circumstances either partially or fully dispose of the weapon.
After finishing the weapon and confirming his escape plans at the “sniper perch” he takes a moment to reexamine the room. When he was here earlier in the week doing his first recon he only took note of the architectural and security features that might help or impede his work. This room being one of only two places here he would be able to strike his target and get away, and the only one where he wouldn't cause collateral damage. Now that he is some what of a captive audience till his target arrives he takes the moment to really look at the monument.
The monument is a two story floating sculpture of Earth, before it was destroyed in the war with the Lu'Quan, reputedly built using ejecti from the Earth created during the bombardment. Standing on a platform that also floats some what above and to the side of the “Earth” is a full sized sculpture of a man, or Edenite, looking down at the Earth. Interestingly over the years the sculpture of the man has changed from year to year, in the early years after Eden left and the Alliance discovered this chamber it said/written/recorded that the Edenite was crying, now Inkel thought he just looks sad, But even Inkel had to agree it was an impressive sight, even if it was small in comparison to other Monuments and constructions within the Alliance.
The room was shaped like a immense, squat, chicken egg, with three tiers of platform running along the sides. The Lowest platform runs around the near the base of where the “Earth” floats at seven meters above the “floor”, while the second runs around the middle and the last near the top of the “Earth”. Inkel's position was on the second tier, while he expected his target to come in on the first tier below and across from him.
His planning payed off when after a few minutes he could see the target's group filter in thru the doors. Once again he took out his binoculars, and scanned the area across from him, never lingering or giving the impression that he was searching for any one in particular, just normal curiosity like Alexander Ovufs, the Student from the Lunar University that his pass said he was.
As expected he counts a number of guards with the group, plain cloths of course, but their barring and mannerisms say military thru and thru. Almost over kill with a ratio of one guard for ever two others in the group, but then again maybe not considering Inkels purpose here. Inkel could only guess at the number of other guards spread out over the three tiers, but he knows none are near to where he is right now.
He spots his target just as the group starts to split up, and walk in groups of threes around the perimeter of the room. He directs his weapon just has his target leans on the railing that edges the tiers. Close to field of what ever levitates this thing he thinks to him self when he notices a slight distortion over his targeting optics, which turned out to be the cheap Binoculars now with much enhanced software, curtsy of the AASF intelligence department. Inkel silently curses, his target is only half visible the other half obscured by the field. He has two choices take the shot he has or wait to see if it gets better. As his old instructors used to say “Take the shot you have, you never know when you'll get your next”. Inkel sighs and takes the shot, but nothing happens. Examining the readouts he sees the the weapon did fire, the battery shows a discharge, and the focusing lens is showing heat stresses, checking the software log he sees that the targeting software auto-corrected, just before the discharge, following the targets slight movement to the right, right into the field. He quickly disables the targeting software and takes a second aim, the target hasn't moved but it won't take long and he could lose his shot. Aiming just by sight he takes a second shot. This time however some thing did happen, several some things. He somehow despite a clear line of sight, missed the target and, instead hit the guard standing beside her. The guard slumped on the rail pinning his target to the rail, there was a bright flash and the whole section of rail slipped free of its mooring on the one side causing the dead guard and his target to fall off the platform as it swung out into the air. At the same time his overloaded X-ray laser melted down immediately drawing his attention away from his now surly dead target; A fall of seven meters with 200 pounds of military meat would kill anyone not wearing armor. An alarm blared and Inkel felt it was now time for him to leave. He could see and feel the disruptions in the air as security fields pop into place around every one, a security measure he came prepared for. Activating a Station Security ID, he “convinces” the station computer that he is part of the response team and the fields around him and that bar his path shut down as he approaches them.
Leaving the way he came he shuts down his “borrowed” ID, reverting to the Student ID. As he enters the corridor, he looks around, as expected no one else seems to know that anything is wrong within the monument room. At least for now. Inkel quickly moves over to one of the observation rooms built into the side of the area where the Control Center and Monument are. Looking out he sees the station floor just under ten kilometers away. The station was build as a gigantic O'Riely Cylinder, with a diameter on the inside of exactly twenty kilometers and just over one hundred kilometers long. Why the Edenites built it and what it was originally intended for is still a mystery but it means to get away he just has to glide to the station “floor” and he should be able to disappear quite easily. He deactivates his now useless Student ID, and opens one of the safety compartments along the back wall, and pulls out a glider, and not the standard rescue version either, but a military covert ops model that has seen service on countless worlds where there is an atmosphere and a place to fight. He had it exchanged earlier that day as part of escape plan two. After donning an O2 Mask he pulls the emergency release and opens a section of the wall of windows. Inkel jumps out with his glider, its wings closed. It took twenty minutes to get to the center of the station, and if he went strait down it would only take him five to land safely. But strait down is where they will check if they think he used one of the rescue gliders. As he jumps he feels gravity drop to near zero, not the feeling of free fall but the near complete lack of pull, the Station center had artificial gravity, another marvel of Eden's. His jump provided enough thrust that within a minute he starts to accelerate as the moving air pulls him along. With the air and ground moving he begins to feel a sense of gravity returning, an illusion he knows since its the stations' rotation that provides the downward pull. At five kilometers up he opens his gliders wings and changes direction and heads to what the stationers call Moonward or to the rear of the cylinder. Looking up he can see the giant holograph of the space outside the station on the moonward side, It shows the Moon looking much like it has for millions of years if not for the discreet clusters of lights which are the Lunar University, and Alliance Archives. Looking back down he has to marvel at the resources that went into making this station. Within the Alliance there are dozens if not hundreds of other stations that are larger in overall size then this one but none are built like this with such a huge open area. The land below is a patchwork of different terrains all said to have existed on Earth before the bombardment. The whole structure just appeared in Earth Orbit at the L1 point between the Earth and the Moon, within weeks of the devastating bombardment. Accounts very but what records survived say that the Edenites spent years digging out and rescuing and recovering every last living human on Earth, all while fighting a galactic war. Inkel shakes his head to dispel the thoughts. No wonder the Acheron Trade Guild was so frighted of them. Inkel thinks to him self,
After a few minutes he joins with other glider traffic, and makes his way moonward towards one of his safe points on the station. This particular safepoint is a designated campground. Complete with tent and an ID that's been broadcasting since late last night. Setting down he picks up the ID and Connects it to his station ID and downloads the ID becoming for the interim Dr, Gram Arc, PHD in Earth Zoology. Five hundred years ago this would have been impossible to do, but Acheron Intelligence has been working on this problem for a very, very long time, now its almost routine. Inkel begins taking down the tent and cleaning the campsite, he activates a Holocaster, which generates an image in the air above it. Setting it down he connects his Earpieces to the Holocaster cutting of the audio momentary as it transfers to his earpieces. Setting the connection with the stations entertainment database, to look for station and station port news he goes back to taking down the camp and cleaning up.
As expected his attack earlier made the news. As he listens to the new caster compliment him, by saying that they do not know what happened yet, and all indication point to a freak accident, caused by an as yet unknown cause. There was no mention of his escape, not that he expected them too. According to his Tablet, well, Dr. Gram Arc's Tablet, his ship leaves in two days, to the Lunar University, and from there he can book a ship to anywhere in Alliance space.
Inkel just let the News play while he packaged every thing, and was about ready to turn off the holocaster when the last item listed caught his eye. A Police notice about a missing child, ordinarily Inkel wouldn't care but since he had two days before he shipped out hunting down a Kidnapper almost sounds like a vacation considering what he just did. He loads up the information and a picture with a name appears on the screen, and as Inkel looks at the image the blood drains from his face. Crystal Thornwood of Nexagona, Age 10 is missing. Inkel has seen her before, and knows much more about her, including her full name Crystal Thornwood Du'Nexagona, a Princess of the royal family and third in line to the Throne of the Nexagonian Star Kingdom, his Target. A target that somehow isn't dead.


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