constructive criticism on fiction

[Pyrite]

Since i've been gone, I've written a sizable amount of fiction. today, i figured i could bring it to Physicsforums and see what people have to say about it. its at my website (http://mildcompetence.myrmid.com/stories.html)
btw ignore the ones under the "Dead Men" header, as those arn't all that good.

[eNtRopY]

Originally posted by Pyrite
Since i've been gone, I've written a sizable amount of fiction. today, i figured i could bring it to Physicsforums and see what people have to say about it. its at my website (http://mildcompetence.myrmid.com/stories.html)
btw ignore the ones under the "Dead Men" header, as those arn't all that good.

Your prose seems somewhat reminiscent of Kafka... or maybe Theodore Sturgeon... mixed with certain element of comic book action. However, I strongly criticize your atrocious grammar. Seriously, your ideas seem original, but you will need to make vast improvements in the area of language mechanics if you ever want to be taken seriously by the publishing industry.

eNtRopY

[Pyrite]

This is news to me. Could you possibly be a bit more specific/give examples?