Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer [Archive]

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr6-03, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted/asked by Manuel_Silvio

How could you ever think about it?

Cheeeese, My first interview, well, you see the idea first came to me one long and lonely night whilst I was sitting at my typewriter. The Coffee had been brewing for some time and the wind was most assuredly NOT howling at my door (it was summer after all) so it was the most experiantial thing that could have arisen, given the timing and the place, and the other variables that are, well, just too long to go in to tedious detail about, so if brief, the socks I was wearing, oooops, I wasn't wearing socks, thats right, the shoes were sandals and the pants joggers. In a T shirt was I dressed, and the long and the short of it is, well, to long to go into here, so I'll just give you the skinny, (the 'short of it' for all of you not involved in the 'skinny of things') (actually I was a little overweight at the time but...) it was likened unto something that I had not experianced before, so I decided to write it down, but that backfired when I, six months later, decided to re-read what I had written, and realized that it was un-intelligable to anyone other then myself, so I continued, until this very day, when I now tell you all this little story, (clearly well truncated, but just as clearly, easily, readable, and so direct, and to the point that it behooves you to respond to it) that was what happened when I had decided to tell you all about how I thought of it!

Clear enough?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr6-03, 03:38 PM

Well, the matter seems clear now. You've the right excuse for thinking so but then something is wrong here, let me see ...

If the wind was NOT howling at your door, where could it be howling then?

mouseman

Apr6-03, 08:43 PM

At your door.

If you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, how come you can't pick your friend's nose?

climbhi

Apr6-03, 09:49 PM

Who says you can't?

If you're friend had a cast on both his hands and couldn't pick his nose and asked you to do it for him, would you?

mouseman

Apr7-03, 01:48 AM

Only if he doesn't have cooties.

Asphinctersezwhat?

22-16

Apr7-03, 05:57 AM

snfansaofnqaqa.

Why do we use the internet when we can just use homing pigeons?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr7-03, 10:11 AM

For we hate AOL Times Warner monopoly on Multimedia MIME-enabled homing pigeons who've registered HPCP port 666 for their so-called well-known service breaking the rules stated in all hacker legends that date back to the time when no rules where set yet.

* HPCP -> Homing Pigeon Control Protocol, their so-called competitor to TCP which in fact runs on IP, lame!

Which came first, pigeon or pigeon egg?

J-Man

Apr7-03, 01:43 PM

Manuel_Silvio asked:
Which came first, pigeon or pigeon egg?
To get to the other side.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a chicken?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr7-03, 02:17 PM

As for light tulip bulbs the answer is 42. Assuming medium tulip bulbs will result in total confusion while heavy tulip bulbs have better prospect in changing a chicken if they're used in accordance to the accompanying manual. For optimal performance please use factory defaults, alternative/jazz/rock/pop/reggae settings are not guaranteed not to blow it all up.

What is the alternative?

Andy

Apr7-03, 03:09 PM

when considering chickens, you must remember to what extent do the tulip bulbs effect the average human being, and when thinking about this issue, do you a. get confused, b. get pissed off as you know how much more sense this makes than the last message, or c. need to reply in order to make you feel like u have accomplished something in your pittiful little unfortantly exsisting lifes! [8)]

Mentat

Apr7-03, 05:22 PM

Originally posted by Manuel_Silvio
As for light tulip bulbs the answer is 42. Assuming medium tulip bulbs will result in total confusion while heavy tulip bulbs have better prospect in changing a chicken if they're used in accordance to the accompanying manual. For optimal performance please use factory defaults, alternative/jazz/rock/pop/reggae settings are not guaranteed not to blow it all up.

What is the alternative?

There is no alternative, the answer to everything is 42.

Does this mean that 42-year-old should have all of the answers?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr7-03, 06:27 PM

Originally asked, appropriatley, by Mentat

Does this mean that 42-year-old should have all of the answers?

No, first you must reach 42, then you must surpass it, then, and only then, when regressing back to the age of your original enlightenment, about 5, will you even begin to realize that, NO!, you do not now, nor will you ever, have all of the answers, because, and only because, you will be missing one singular piece of information, and I will never-tell you that one,Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

What is the missing piece of information?

(A classically stupid question, cause only I can answer it!! {Re-insert string of Ha Ha's Here!} and as I said, I'll never tell, well maybe tomorrow, but....................)

J-Man

Apr8-03, 09:06 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
What is the missing piece of information?
That if the answer to everything, and what the actual question is (to everything) are both known at the same time, obviously, we will all be sucked into a great big ball of silly-string.

What do you get if you multiply six by nine?

Another God

Apr9-03, 04:20 AM

Originally posted by J-Man

What do you get if you multiply six by nine?
42.

How many paths must a man walk down?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr9-03, 05:31 AM

The answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind. In other words, this is a very good example of how pigs and politicians have the same beginning but end differently.

Everywhere there's lots of piggies living piggy lives, why should we live in these dummy boring piggy hives?

Another God

Apr9-03, 07:57 AM

because its a maze in here! Have you ever actually tried to get out???

How exactly does one 'excite' an electron?

BoulderHead

Apr9-03, 10:06 AM

How exactly does one 'excite' an electron?By telling it nasty stories about the nucleus. They get a real charge out of that…

Should a woman always be given what she wants?

Chemicalsuperfreak

Apr9-03, 11:44 AM

What is the plural of mongoose?

What does rhetorical mean?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr9-03, 12:04 PM

Originally asked by Chemicalsuperfreak

What does rhetorical mean?

Why didn't you bother asking, then I could have answered!

What was/is it that I would have answered?

J-Man

Apr9-03, 03:57 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
What was/is it that I would have answered?
Probably something to do with 42 sheep jumping in and out of a puddle of muddy slush.

Why did everyone ignore BoulderHead's question?

FZ+

Apr9-03, 05:00 PM

Because they are cowards! Cowards!

When is someone actually going to answer Boulderhead's question?

BoulderHead

Apr9-03, 05:16 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Because they are cowards! Cowards!

When is someone actually going to answer Boulderhead's question? haha, I thought I had become invisible for a while.

Someone take a chance and answer please. [:D]

...and watch the women descend upon us.

Mentat

Apr9-03, 05:22 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Because they are cowards! Cowards!

When is someone actually going to answer Boulderhead's question?

Answer to Boulderhead's question:

Within reason (believe me, that is a very stupid answer (*hopes there are no women reading this*)).

Why were women every considered the "weaker vessel"?

BoulderHead

Apr9-03, 05:28 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Answer to Boulderhead's question:

Within reason (believe me, that is a very stupid answer (*hopes there are no women reading this*)).

Why were women every considered the "weaker vessel"? Because we men were and are completely mistaken about nearly everything.
*ducks head down into shoulders and cuts eyes left and right.*

I think women are fantastical. Could they be the center of the Universe and what life is all about?

Mentat

Apr9-03, 05:33 PM

Originally posted by BoulderHead
Because we men were and are completely mistaken about nearly everything.
*ducks head down into shoulders and cuts eyes left and right.*

I think women are fantastical. Could they be the center of the Universe and what life is all about?

One "stupid quetion" at a time, boulderhead.

The stupid answer to your quetions are (in the order of there having been asked):

1) Yes.
2) Women.

FZ+

Apr9-03, 05:36 PM

Well, depends on how massive they are. If they are indeed of sufficient girth to act as a center for the universe, (as some studies suggest <insert disreputable science website here> ) then we would have no alternative but to accept that conclusion.

As this would logically cause a variety of relativistic effects, how does these connations manifest themselves?

BoulderHead

Apr9-03, 06:19 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
As this would logically cause a variety of relativistic effects, how does these connations manifest themselves? I'd be afraid to express it in polite society but surely the angle of the dangle would be equal to something...

Are perturbations from large asteroids a part of these computations?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr10-03, 03:44 AM

The largest known asteroid (ca. 932 km diameter) is Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, grain and the maternal love. Since it is maternal love it can't be focused on the audience who've long since left their motherly concerns. Viewed computationally, the effects are large enough to outweigh Europa's burning love and you know

"Hush now baby, baby don't you cry
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Mama won't let anyone dirty get through
Mama's gonna wait until you get in
Mama will always find out where you've been
Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean
Oh baby! Oh baby! Oh baby!
You'll always be baby to me"

Has anyone on PF seen Aphrodite's golden apples?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr10-03, 01:28 PM

Originally Asked by Manuel_Silvio

Has anyone on PF seen Aphrodite's golden apples?

No haven't seen them, but I suspect that that is what we were all fed at the soup kitchen, sometime last week.

If Xazen (Zah-zen) means 'beyond zen', and my e-mail address is Xazen13, does your fear of e-mailing me make you Xazen13aphobic?

Mentat

Apr10-03, 01:35 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
No haven't seen them, but I suspect that that is what we were all fed at the soup kitchen, sometime last week.

If Xazen (Zah-zen) means 'beyond zen', and my e-mail address is Xazen13, does your fear of e-mailing me make you Xazen13aphobic?

Of course it does, what kind of a stuid quetion was that?
(In point of fact, a phobia is an unbased fear, but that would be the smart answer...)

How many different kinds of stupid quetion are there?

Ben-CS

Apr10-03, 01:50 PM

Negative three.

Where do cowboys in Texas buy the cell-phones that they all seem to be carrying?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr10-03, 01:55 PM

At their local Texas-Cowboy-suitable-cell-phone-seller-o-matic.

How could Zeus love both Europa and Ganymede?

BoulderHead

Apr10-03, 02:11 PM

Originally posted by Manuel_Silvio
At their local Texas-Cowboy-suitable-cell-phone-seller-o-matic.

How could Zeus love both Europa and Ganymede? One at a time.

Which size floppy do you prefer to have; the 3.5 or the 5.25?

Ben-CS

Apr10-03, 02:19 PM

The 3.5 will fit into either slot...

Will the next-smaller floppy be a 1.75 or a 2+1/3?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr10-03, 02:40 PM

Neither. First we had 5 + 1/4 and then 3 + 1/2 so the next must be either 1 + 1/1 which makes 2 that will surely fit in all slots.

Are we going wild rude?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr10-03, 04:45 PM

Originally Asked by Manuel_Silvio

Are we going wild rude?

Tarnation, By Golly, heck, and wildfire, jumping Ge-hos-efats, gosh, darn, jeeeeepers, YES!!

When you curse, do you become cursed?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr11-03, 09:49 AM

Depends on whom you curse, usually curses find their way along with philosophical statements. If that isn't the case, you'll go curved instead of cursed.

Why did the thread lose its audience for the past 48 hours?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr11-03, 12:26 PM

Originally asked by Manuel_Silvio

Why did the thread lose its audience for the past 48 hours?

Becasue the stupid quentions were soooooo stupid, that no one, and I mean NO ONE, could come up with anything, even seemingly close, to a stuuuuupid responce, or the answer is 42! (I not all that certain, heh heh heh hee!)

If you fear fear, are you not a Phobiaphobic?

Ben-CS

Apr11-03, 02:39 PM

No, you would be a phobophobic.

What do alligator tears taste like?

vacuum

Apr11-03, 05:20 PM

Let me try, ... Aaarghhh!!!

Why does the wolf slaughter all the sheep in the barn, when he could be satiated with only one?

BoulderHead

Apr11-03, 06:02 PM

Originally posted by vacuum
Let me try, ... Aaarghhh!!!

Why does the wolf slaughter all the sheep in the barn, when he could be satiated with only one? He may be driven by instinct to never pass up an opportunity.

Why is there a ‘re’ in refrigerator, does it get things cold more than once or something?

FZ+

Apr11-03, 06:34 PM

It's a philosophical comment on the cyclic nature of spacetime, duh.

What is the point of the saying "wolf in sheep's clothing", considering that neither wolves nor sheep wear any clothing?

Mentat

Apr11-03, 09:25 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
It's a philosophical comment on the cyclic nature of spacetime, duh.

What is the point of the saying "wolf in sheep's clothing", considering that neither wolves nor sheep wear any clothing?

I know it has something to do with mama wolves' making sweaters for their pups...

What does it really mean to "cry wolf"?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr12-03, 05:40 AM

According to the latest version conspiracy theory, that's a way a to get hold of somewhere you don't belong.

Why do wolves come in herds?

FZ+

Apr12-03, 07:13 AM

Become they most certainly do not come in peace.

Why do sci-fi aliens never say hello, only "we come in peace" or "DIE DIE DIE"?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr12-03, 08:16 AM

For the one decipherable SETI@home message for them was some politician (don't know who) shouting "we come in peace, otherwise, DIE DIE DIE" at some poor microphone.

Why do Sci-Fi aliens use glittering means of transport instead of a decent Mercedes Benz A-Class?

vacuum

Apr12-03, 09:44 AM

Originally posted by Manuel_Silvio
For the one decipherable SETI@home message for them was some politician (don't know who) shouting "we come in peace, otherwise, DIE DIE DIE" at some poor microphone.

Why do Sci-Fi aliens use glittering means of transport instead of a decent Mercedes Benz A-Class?

What a stoopid question; On their planet(s) there where no living things willing to sediment in order achieve higher purpouse - to fuel the good ol' Merz.

Why can't I think of any stupid question?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr12-03, 10:35 AM

Originally asked by vacuum

Why can't I think of any stupid question?

Because that is not what we are looking for, we want stuuuuuuupid Quetions, from intelligent people, because this is the most intelligent form of stupidity that we can all possibly EI vent in.

Or, you forgot that the answer would be 42, cause it is!

Is this really the most intelligent form of stupidity that we can all indulge in?

Mentat

Apr12-03, 12:45 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Because that is not what we are looking for, we want stuuuuuuupid Quetions, from intelligent people, because this is the most intelligent form of stupidity that we can all possibly EI vent in.

Or, you forgot that the answer would be 42, cause it is!

Is this really the most intelligent form of stupidity that we can all indulge in?

halabulasoobidowa?

How do you rate the stupidity of any given comment?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr12-03, 01:06 PM

Origianlly asked by Mentat

How do you rate the stupidity of any given comment?

We use the scalar version of the stupidity ratings scale that is an indicator of the reversed & inverted function of the intellectual duality that monitors the irrelevance of the manner of postulation the is encompassed in the prepetrators pre-pondered pre-ponderance for the imperically derived limitations upon the subsequential quotiant that is a gradient of the factors at play in the determining to the scales limited ends point that are only, most certainly only found by this method, as all other methods have clearly been proven conclusively to have failed at measureing anything other then obfuscated irrational fears that have been photographically feared from the presentation of the immediate responce.

Get it?

Mentat

Apr12-03, 01:19 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
We use the scalar version of the stupidity ratings scale that is an indicator of the reversed & inverted function of the intellectual duality that monitors the irrelevance of the manner of postulation the is encompassed in the prepetrators pre-pondered pre-ponderance for the imperically derived limitations upon the subsequential quotiant that is a gradient of the factors at play in the determining to the scales limited ends point that are only, most certainly only found by this method, as all other methods have clearly been proven conclusively to have failed at measureing anything other then obfuscated irrational fears that have been photographically feared from the presentation of the immediate responce.

Get it?

By jove, I think he's got it!

Why does Porky Pig stutter?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr12-03, 03:10 PM

Origianlly asked by Mentat

Why does Porky Pig stutter?

K'K'K'K'K'K'K'K'K'K'K'K'Uz, he l'l'earned it f'f'f'from his mud'd'd'd'd'd'der!'!'!'!'!'''''''

If x plus Y are = to Z, then why isn't the answer 42?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr13-03, 12:00 PM

x plus y equals z, /ix ples why eekwalz zee/
that makes a nice 43. /thaat maiksss a naice forti three/

If 43 succeeds 42, shouldn't it be considered closer to an answer to the life, universe and everything?

FZ+

Apr13-03, 03:45 PM

Nope, since the centre of the number sequence is 42. Hence it is scientifically shown that since 43 is further from 42 than 42, it is in fact less of the truth.

Why must we not mention the war to the Germans?

Mentat

Apr13-03, 05:19 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Nope, since the centre of the number sequence is 42. Hence it is scientifically shown that since 43 is further from 42 than 42, it is in fact less of the truth.

Why must we not mention the war to the Germans?

42 (please don't let this become the answer to all of the quetions, just because it's supposed to be the answer to everything).

How many of me are there in the universe?

Another God

Apr13-03, 05:57 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
How many of me are there in the universe?
6. There were 42, but 9 of you were killed in the great elephant collapse of 67.

What is the meaning of purple?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr13-03, 06:34 PM

Originally asked by (insert booming and thunderous voice *HERE*) Another God

What is the meaning of purple?

It means a grape many things, unlike orange which has no meaning at all, so in knowing what purple means, we look at the royalty of the nature of the purple.

Ooooooops, my mom just called, back later to finish the explanation....but, naturally, we leave you with a quention....

How many Times does it take??

C Y'a

Ben-CS

Apr14-03, 09:22 AM

At least one: it = i * t

Et tu?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr14-03, 09:33 AM

Etiam, Caesar!

Why was the sayer such a brute?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr14-03, 11:43 AM

Originally asked by Manuel Silvio

Why was the sayer such a brute?

Because he represented the 'Brut(in)us' factor, "Long live the King" (So long as his actions remain Sane!)

Tomorrow is the "Ides of April, does that mean a-n-y-thing?

climbhi

Apr14-03, 05:10 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Because he represented the 'Brut(in)us' factor, "Long live the King" (So long as his actions remain Sane!)

Tomorrow is the "Ides of April, does that mean a-n-y-thing?

Means you better watch you're back when you come around these forums.

Where exactly does the word Ides come from?

FZ+

Apr14-03, 08:01 PM

Stupid misspelling of Ideas, obviously.

Is there a moore's law for pornography?

BoulderHead

Apr14-03, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Stupid misspelling of Ideas, obviously.

Is there a moore's law for pornography? I'm thinking Moore's Law can't keep up with all that. [:D]

Does porn cause men to view women as objects or does it only help cement pre-existing beliefs?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr15-03, 11:41 AM

Originally Asked by BoulderHead

Does porn cause men to view women as objects or does it only help cement pre-existing beliefs?

It helps them cement the object they truly view (the page) to-get-her.

Is there such a thing as a Bolder Boulder??

J-Man

Apr15-03, 03:02 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is there such a thing as a Bolder Boulder??
Boulder.
I think not, but then again I think oranges look green.

What is the probability that I will post after Mr. Robin Parsons for like the 20th time in a row in this thread?

Ben-CS

Apr15-03, 03:11 PM

{ψ: ψ ∈ [0, 1]}

Shouldn't that have been obvious?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr15-03, 03:40 PM

No, not as obvious as {r/r | r a non-zero real number}.

If we show arbitrary natural numbers with n, arbitrary real numbers with r, then why don't we show arbitrary whole numbers with z?

Another God

Apr16-03, 10:54 AM

Fascist!

But seriously, what does that have to do with the cost of pilchards in phuket?

BoulderHead

Apr16-03, 11:20 AM

Originally posted by Another God
Fascist!

But seriously, what does that have to do with the cost of pilchards in phuket? Both can be hard to swallow whole.

Is 'a near miss' the same thing as 'a near hit'?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-03, 12:37 PM

Originally asked by Boulderhead

Is 'a near miss' the same thing as 'a near hit'?

Nearly!

If time passes, then where does it go?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr16-03, 12:42 PM

Time usually vapors at 25' C but the surface evaporation is always present except at 0' K. Evaporated time will in time turn into clouds and then a time shower somewhere.

Do you think you have a chance to get by on this?

BoulderHead

Apr16-03, 01:13 PM

Originally posted by Manuel_Silvio
Do you think you have a chance to get by on this? Given enough time, yes.

What is the difference between saying 'please' and saying 'pretty please'?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr16-03, 01:52 PM

Both are used at restaurants. You say "please" when you're hungering for a meal. You say "pretty please" when you're hungering for a pretty face around you. Despite this difference, "please" and "pretty please" both can be categorized as hungering for what it pleases.

Pleasure, does it really please you?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-03, 02:18 PM

Originally asked by Manuel Silvio

Pleasure, does it really please you?

Pleasingly Pleasure Presently Pleasures, Partially Paid Per Post/Per-diem, (pleasingly passed) Part Pertaining Pleasures Per Persons Per Passing Par, (Partially) Plus, Pleasantly Pointed Postures Praise Pleasure Pleasantly/Presently, Pushing Pleasure Personally, Presently, Past Prime!

Pleased?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr16-03, 02:51 PM

Oooooooooooh, deep down to the viscera!

How does pleasure find its way into our bodies?

Mentat

Apr16-03, 02:54 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Pleasingly Pleasure Presently Pleasures, Partially Paid Per Post/Per-diem, (pleasingly passed) Part Pertaining Pleasures Per Persons Per Passing Par, (Partially) Plus, Pleasantly Pointed Postures Praise Pleasure Pleasantly/Presently, Pushing Pleasure Personally, Presently, Past Prime!

Pleased?

Presently.

Do I exist?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-03, 04:42 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

Do I exist?

Depends upon what your definition of exISt "is"!!

If you spend your time, "Running around" what have you circled?

FZ+

Apr16-03, 08:22 PM

The word "insane" in your next national consensus survey form.

Now where did THAT come from?

zk4586

Apr16-03, 08:24 PM

Let's say a priest, a rabbi, and Richard Nixon walk into a bar....wait, I forgot where I was going with this. Anyway, if you carpet the entire state of Florida, how long would it take the Harlem Globetrotters to vacuum it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-03, 08:31 PM

Originally posted by FZ+

Now where did THAT come from?

Uhmm, the dictionary, an english one, I think!

Why didn't zk4586 answer the quention before asking his quention??

(Eh, eh, lets see ya answer that one, eh!!?? a reeeeeal toughee!!)

zk4586

Apr16-03, 09:20 PM

Why didn't zk4586 answer the quention before asking his quention??

we posted that at about the same time, so I didn't see it until I already posted. I think that counts as a stupid question for you [:))]. Does this mean I have to ask another stupid question? How about this: How many stupid questions would a stupid question guy ask if a stupid question guy could ask questions?

Manuel_Silvio

Apr17-03, 04:35 AM

Not as many stupid questions as a non-stupid (that's sorta beast) one could ask.

What will happen when you run out of stupid questions?

Ben-CS

Apr17-03, 01:43 PM

When you run out of stupid quetions and stupid ansers, you will be thoroughly stuped.

What kind of bread does traffic jam go good with?

climbhi

Apr17-03, 04:53 PM

Originally posted by Ben-CS
When you run out of stupid quetions and stupid ansers, you will be thoroughly stuped.

What kind of bread does traffic jam go good with?

Probably stale bread.

Do you think that if when cars were first starting to come out the public officials of the time had chosen not to make nice smooth roads for them to drive on but rather chose to invest in research to make very rugged all terain vehicles so that the could go anywhere they wanted and not have to worry about roads, would we still have traffic jams.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr17-03, 05:05 PM

Originally posted by Climbhi

Do you think that if when cars were first starting to come out the public officials of the time had chosen not to make nice smooth roads for them to drive on but rather chose to invest in research to make very rugged all terain vehicles so that the could go anywhere they wanted and not have to worry about roads, would we still have traffic jams.

YES!

(Invest in 'suspension'{SHOCK!) shops)

Is'nt it the manner of knowing that it is a quention, by the indication of a quention mark.

Somewhere.

climbhi

Apr17-03, 05:09 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
YES!

(Invest in 'suspension'{SHOCK!) shops)

Is'nt it the manner of knowing that it is a quention, by the indication of a quention mark.

Somewhere.

Well yes.

Does Parson's look like an idiot criticizing my bad grammer for not using a question mark when he in fact blatantly misused his apostrophe when he spelled "is'nt?" (note the question mark properly placed inside the quotation marks. suck on that for good grammer!)

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr17-03, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by Climbhi
Does Parson's look like an idiot criticizing my bad grammer for not using a question mark when he in fact blatantly misused his apostrophe when he spelled "is'nt?" (note the question mark properly placed inside the quotation marks. suck on that for good grammer!)

YES!

I had a dream?

climbhi

Apr17-03, 05:15 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
YES!

I had a dream?

Really?!

What was it about?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr17-03, 05:19 PM

Originally poste by climbhi

What was it about?

Dreaming!

Is this an interview?

climbhi

Apr17-03, 05:31 PM

No your just dreaming that it is.

Who conducted the first interview ever?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr18-03, 11:25 AM

Originally asked by climbhi

Who conducted the first interview ever?

The first "interviewer", who else!

Was that my first interview?

(I've used that line before, more then once, I might add, and add, and add..........)

Mentat

Apr18-03, 01:21 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
The first "interviewer", who else!

Was that my first interview?

(I've used that line before, more then once, I might add, and add, and add..........)

No, 'cause climbhi aint the first interviewer. He can't give no "first interviews".

What's the point of using double negatives, like "aint no"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr18-03, 02:23 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

What's the point of using double negatives, like "aint no"?

It allows a negative, to be negated, which entails the permitting of the cancelation of the redundancy that is the manner of attempting to negatively state a postitive, in a negative manner, that is negated, as to be postive in it's result!

Does a "double postive" (Is is) result in a negation?

EDIT'TING; Schpeeeelint washct ewreong, sore ta, oooooops, AKA TY'PO

Mentat

Apr18-03, 02:33 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
[B]It allows a negative, to be negated, which entails the permitting of the cancelation of the redundancy that is the manner of attempting to negatively state a postitive, in a negative manner, that is negated, as to be postive in it's result!

Does a "double postive" (Is is) result in a negation?

No, it results in a stutter.

Why didn't Wile E. Coyote just give up on the Road Runner, after facing death so many times?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr18-03, 03:10 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why didn't Wile E. Coyote just give up on the Road Runner, after facing death so many times?

Because he hasn't died yet!
Because road runners are the tastiest of all coyote meals!
Because He is a genius, and geniuses never quit!
Because he he destined to do it!
Because he is Staaaaaaaarrrrrrr'ving for roadrunner MEAT!
Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because!

That's why!

Why, when the "Earth moves", doesn't it?

Mentat

Apr19-03, 10:07 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Because he hasn't died yet!
Because road runners are the tastiest of all coyote meals!
Because He is a genius, and geniuses never quit!
Because he he destined to do it!
Because he is Staaaaaaaarrrrrrr'ving for roadrunner MEAT!
Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because!

That's why!

Why, when the "Earth moves", doesn't it?

That there feller, Einsteen, with his Relertivity theory, is sayin' that nothin' moves anyway, ain't he?

Why hasn't science explained everything yet?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr20-03, 12:04 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

Why hasn't science explained everything yet?

But they have, they just don't know that yet!, cause no ones explained/told them that! (yet)

When DNA splits, does it become D'n A? (or AND?)

Mentat

Apr21-03, 02:12 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
But they have, they just don't know that yet!, cause no ones explained/told them that! (yet)

When DNA splits, does it become D'n A? (or AND?)

Yep, it definitely becomes two strands of AND.

Why aren't people posting many stupid quetions anymore?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr21-03, 06:37 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why aren't people posting many stupid quetions anymore?

Oh! That's because this is the NON humor time of year, season of seriousness for everyone, (Except Extreme Intellectuals of course!) having to do with the Sun having crossed the equator, and the rising tides, on the week during easter, have this peculiar quantum affectation upon the Lobulus Humorosia in the cranial anatomy with the resultant depletion in Humorosiac nerotransmitters to the point that all 'regular' intellect people (Sorry bout that, you know who you are!) suffering something, akin to a 'spring fever', that precludes the emission of anything even remotely funny, for about a couple of days, or until the moons rotates one third of it's monthly circle while the dust is settling.

Is it because 7-8-9, that 6 was actually afraid of 7?
(a septophobic?, no, numerophobic?, no, a triskadecaphobic minus a sextaphobic, no, wait, I didn't go yet, I have to ask a quention? what quention? where is that quention? here?, no there?, no wait? I'll get it?, ugh!?)

Ben-CS

Apr22-03, 11:21 AM

Basically, Yes.

Squid pro quon?

Mentat

Apr22-03, 02:14 PM

Originally posted by Ben-CS
Basically, Yes.

Squid pro quon?

Saywho de wuttin?

Why do mathematicians use greek letters?

Ben-CS

Apr22-03, 02:47 PM

They ran out of Roman letters. They ran out of Greek letters, too. They have incorporated Old English/Germanic, Russian, and Middle Eastern letters. They just made up a lot of their symbols.

How long before scientists will start using Oriental symbols?

Mentat

Apr22-03, 03:03 PM

Originally posted by Ben-CS
They ran out of Roman letters. They ran out of Greek letters, too. They have incorporated Old English/Germanic, Russian, and Middle Eastern letters. They just made up a lot of their symbols.

How long before scientists will start using Oriental symbols?

42 years, 42 weeks, 42 minutes, and 42 seconds from now.

Why can't one change the past? (Stupid quetion taken from Alexander Hartegen, of Time Machine - good movie, btw).

FZ+

Apr22-03, 04:18 PM

Because history + science = unstable explosive mixture.

What is the chemical reason for that?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr22-03, 04:23 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why can't one change the past?

Because it is 42 years, 42 weeks, 42 minutes, and 42 seconds to late!

If when you were about to flatulate, you change course, direction, and speed, and eruct, (No-sp?) does that mean that what you have now done is to flatu-early?? HUH??

Mentat

Apr22-03, 04:25 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Because history + science = unstable explosive mixture.

What is the chemical reason for that?

Flatu-earliness. (See Mr. Robin Parson's [stupid] answer).

If flatulate can be taken apart thus, then what does it mean to "flatu"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr22-03, 04:48 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

If flatulate can be taken apart thus, then what does it mean to "flatu"?

GAS!

(I'm amazed, someone got there answer in while I was typing mine, YOWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

If you could catch "Time in a bottle", what time would it be??

climbhi

Apr22-03, 05:09 PM

It would be a really good time to get drunk.

If you were drunk from drinking time and driving at the same time and were pulled over would you still get a ticket?

Mentat

Apr22-03, 08:12 PM

Originally posted by climbhi
It would be a really good time to get drunk.

If you were drunk from drinking time and driving at the same time and were pulled over would you still get a ticket?

Depends on what time you were drinking.

Why is alcohol so commonly related to bad driving?

climbhi

Apr22-03, 08:23 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Depends on what time you were drinking.

Why is alcohol so commonly related to bad driving?

For the same reason bad driving is so commonly related to alcohol.

Why is alcohol so commonly related to beer?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr22-03, 08:30 PM

Originally asked by climbhi

Why is alcohol so commonly related to beer?

Because beer is commonly related to belching!

Why is belching so commonly related to drinking?

climbhi

Apr22-03, 08:46 PM

most people don't just swallow air on their own they need carbonated drink to help them get air down the wrong pipe.

what exactly makes for a good golf waggle?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr23-03, 07:13 AM

Originally asked by Climbhi

what exactly makes for a good golf waggle?

A really good crosswind, blowing up the dress!

If you really have an "Axe to Grind", must you first "Un-bury the hatchet"?

Mentat

Apr23-03, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
A really good crosswind, blowing up the dress!

If you really have an "Axe to Grind", must you first "Un-bury the hatchet"?

If you don't like the hatchet where it is, I guess so.

I know about blueberries, and strawberries, but what is an "un-bury"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr23-03, 05:24 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

I know about blueberries, and strawberries, but what is an "un-bury"?

the reversed opposite of the inversion of the overturned transpositon of the opposed imposition of flipping over the other side of the relationship of side's opposite to each else.......or it means "to dig it up". (one or the other)

I too, know about blueberries, and strawberries, but since neither is made with either 'blue', or 'straw', why in the world are the called that??

Mentat

Apr24-03, 02:40 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
the reversed opposite of the inversion of the overturned transpositon of the opposed imposition of flipping over the other side of the relationship of side's opposite to each else.......or it means "to dig it up". (one or the other)

I too, know about blueberries, and strawberries, but since neither is made with either 'blue', or 'straw', why in the world are the called that??

'Cause it sounds cooler than "tinyberry" and "berry of exposed seeds".

Why do we still call the Native Americans "Indians"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr24-03, 02:53 PM

Originally asked by mentat

Why do we still call the Native Americans "Indians"?

Cause they all come from "Indiana"!

If the expression "All Hail the King" is used, while you are there, would you really begin to throw hail at him?

Ben-CS

Apr28-03, 09:13 AM

No, but I would sell it to those willing parties.

Is there any limit to venture capitalism?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr28-03, 07:28 PM

Originally asked by Ben-CS

Is there any limit to venture capitalism?

SON, Here at the BLUE Sky mine, we think that "The SKie's the Limit"
we know that there are "no end to markets", "no vison of destitution on any horizon", "all opportunites to fulfill our destinies, as the masters of the never/ending cyclic nature of finance, will be sought after by "The Achiever's" son, are you an Achiever Sun?

Cristi

Apr29-03, 11:22 AM

How come I'm your father, but you're not my son?

Mentat

Apr29-03, 01:52 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
SON, Here at the BLUE Sky mine, we think that "The SKie's the Limit"
we know that there are "no end to markets", "no vison of destitution on any horizon", "all opportunites to fulfill our destinies, as the masters of the never/ending cyclic nature of finance, will be sought after by "The Achiever's" son, are you an Achiever Sun?

Were you gonna post a quetion?

climbhi

Apr29-03, 09:02 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Were you gonna post a quetion?

He did, I believe it was "are you an achiever sun?"

Well, so are you?

Moetasim

Apr30-03, 06:29 AM

Whats your name?

Another God

Apr30-03, 07:24 AM

Well, I think that question wins. All this time we have been waiting for the Jehova question, the stupid question to answer all stupid questions... and there it is. Wow huh?

Do you think he missed a page or 2 or 60 from the rest of this thread???

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr30-03, 08:28 AM

Originally posted by Another God

Do you think he missed a page or 2 or 60 from the rest of this thread???

Nope, it's because he's not a lawyer, cause we all know it's only the lawyers who read all of the rules!

How long will it take for this thread to reach a Gigglebyte?

Ben-CS

Apr30-03, 09:04 AM

A jeer and a laugh.

If a bear falls on a ranger in the middle of an urban jungle, will they make a scene?

Mentat

Apr30-03, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by Ben-CS
A jeer and a laugh.

If a bear falls on a ranger in the middle of an urban jungle, will they make a scene?

Nah. Other people might make a scene, but the bear would have to be dead, and so would the ranger.

If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and no one is there to hear it...what's the speed of light?

J-Man

Apr30-03, 01:43 PM

Mentat asked:
If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and no one is there to hear it...what's the speed of light?

About half the speed of heavy.

How can I get free beer?

Mentat

Apr30-03, 01:54 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
About half the speed of heavy.

How can I get free beer?

How should I know? I can't even get it if I pay!

Why is there a law about how old you have to be to drink alcohol?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May1-03, 08:56 AM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why is there a law about how old you have to be to drink alcohol?

Because you need be old enough to know how to write/type, when you can't see straight.

Has anyone seen my Flashlight?

bogdan

May1-03, 09:04 AM

I'm a girl...
(the answer to "How come I'm your father, but your not my son ?", posted by Cristi)

Mr. Robin Parsons

May1-03, 09:24 AM

Originally posted by bogdan
I'm a girl...
(the answer to "How come I'm your father, but your not my son ?", posted by Cristi)

COOL, but I suspect you have the wrong thread /perhaps/ you should read some of the first 'several' postings. in this thread, to know what is going on, so you too can participate, and have fun. (Looking for the Gigglebyte Beast)

How is it that I have two Dad's?

bogdan

May1-03, 10:52 AM

Your mom is a hippo...stupid enough ?[6)]

Another God

May1-03, 11:05 AM

Stupid enough. Not question enough. The second bit was though.

Got it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May1-03, 12:15 PM

Originally asked by A-No-There God

Got it?

Yes, 42 of them actually!

How big is 42 "Its"?

Mentat

May1-03, 12:29 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Yes, 42 of them actually!

How big is 42 "Its"?

Infinite, duh.

What is the driving force behind laziness?

bogdan

May1-03, 01:26 PM

A drunken one...or 42...
Why insert an ordered list into your message ?

This is cool...heaheahea...
Yeah...cool...huhuhu...(slap)
Ough...where did my neuron go ?...hehehehe...
Am I stupid or not ? This is the question...or not ?[?]

Ben-CS

May1-03, 05:52 PM

Alignment. There. Yes. No.

What makes the ski blur?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May1-03, 06:50 PM

Originally Asked by Ben-CS

What makes the 'ski' blur?

BEER!

What makes the Sky blurry?

Ben-CS

May1-03, 06:56 PM

MORE beer...and a couple of antacids.

Qui a coupé le fromage?

climbhi

May1-03, 07:00 PM

probably not

did I make myself sound stupid by answering a question which was posed in a language I can't read?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May1-03, 07:05 PM

Originally asked by climbhi

did I make myself sound stupid by answering a question which was posed in a language I can't read?

Probably not, because cest moi....coupé le fromage!

Tell me, do I smell now? (or later?)

EDIT é hee hee

Mentat

May2-03, 01:51 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Probably not, because cest moi....coupé le fromage!

Tell me, do I smell now? (or later?)

EDIT é hee hee

Probably all your life.

Where is God?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May2-03, 05:30 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Probably all your life.

Where is God?

Hiding (?) 'in-side' of you, too!!

Is Bill Gates really the guy who hands you the 'Bill' while working your 'Gates'? (Switch) is Bill Gates the one who passed the 'Bill' that costs you, at the 'Gate'? (Switch) is Bill Gates really the one who 'gated' the passage of the 'Bill'? (Switch) ....Off!?

Zargawee

May3-03, 06:49 AM

What would you do if what has to be done is something nobody did ever done becuase it's hard to be done but possible to be done but never been done ? do you do it or do you try not to do it , or you just don't do it ?
so , what to do ?

bogdan

May3-03, 12:32 PM

just do it...and shut up...[s(]
[8)] [:D]

Mr. Robin Parsons

May4-03, 03:24 PM

Originally posted by bogdan
just do it...and shut up...[s(]
[8)] [:D]

Well, I think that the answer is "Yes", but I had been leaning towards "No actually, but, maybe, if I think about it, longer, I can come up with something else, ya know, like a 'third alternative', or something like that, so hang on to it, (real tight!) and I'll get back to you, on that, "quetion", real soon, ok?

If you tell someone that you are going to "Fix there clock", do you?

Mentat

May5-03, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Well, I think that the answer is "Yes", but I had been leaning towards "No actually, but, maybe, if I think about it, longer, I can come up with something else, ya know, like a 'third alternative', or something like that, so hang on to it, (real tight!) and I'll get back to you, on that, "quetion", real soon, ok?

If you tell someone that you are going to "Fix there clock", do you?

Depends on what time it is. [;)]

But how can you know that, if there clock's not fixed yet?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May5-03, 04:50 PM

Originally asked by mentat

But how can you know that, if there clock's not fixed yet?

Dial up the Sun, cause he/she/it always knows what time it really is!
(Especially those Achiever Sun's!)

What time is it then?

EDIT a / in the [b] switch

Mentat

May8-03, 02:02 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
[B]Dial up the Sun, cause he/she/it always knows what time it really is!
(Especially those Achiever Sun's!)

What time is it then?

42:00

Why are guys so often stereotyped as the "butt-pickers", when as many females as males do this?

J-Man

May8-03, 02:41 PM

Mentat asked
Why are guys so often stereotyped as the "butt-pickers", when as many females as males do this?
In the great orchards of cigarette trees, the males have traditionally been the "butt-pickers", often picking 20 bushels or more of "butts" a day. But since the 1960's, the women's libers have demanded to pick butts for equal pay. The women now can pick up to 30 bushels of "butts" a day, and they get the same pay as the guys who pick 20 bushels.

Did I spell "bushels" correctly?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May8-03, 03:15 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

Did I spell "bushels" correctly?

Not really, I had heard it was "El Bush"!

Is Mr. Robin Parsons........

A) A retired Janitor?

B) A retarded Janitor?

C) Both of the above?

J-Man

May8-03, 05:25 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
Is Mr. Robin Parsons........

A) A retired Janitor?

B) A retarded Janitor?

C) Both of the above?
Hmmm, well, it can't be (A) because he has feet, not tires. It can't be (B) because he was never tarded the first time. So, by the process of elimination, the answer must be (C).

If you read a "self-help" book written by somebody else, isn't it "help" instead of "self-help"?

FZ+

May8-03, 05:55 PM

No, because all the help, in the form of your money, goes to the author.

Is education a zero-sum game?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May9-03, 09:34 AM

Originally asked by FZ+

Is education a zero-sum game?

Well yes, for 'sum', like myself, it amounts to nothing more then an "education", which you cannot use, as per the (insert politico's name...No, NOT george!) others, like that, who have a 'sum of zero' in their educations, as to ensure that in the totality of the additions of the Merits of Education, all of the exceedingly high scores, that a site like this one would generate, would be completley offset to 'sum to zero' as per the above persons name, and their contribution to the total. Thankfully, that person does NOT post here!

(HI Jean!)

If the ('Ohmbre) "Man from Nantuckett", went for "Fish in D'is Bucket", how many could/did he catch?

J-Man

May9-03, 05:25 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
If the ('Ohmbre) "Man from Nantuckett", went for "Fish in D'is Bucket", how many could/did he catch?
None, there's a hole in the Bucket dear Liza, dear Liza.

With what shall we fix it dear Henry, dear Henry?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May9-03, 06:21 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

With what shall we fix it dear Henry, dear Henry?

Henrys not here, so stepping up to the plate to replace dear Henry, the l'Ohmbre from Nantuckett

"We'll fix it with glue, that's what we'll do, and when it is fixed with glue, well, then we'll fix YOU too!"

If the "Skies the limit", haven't you missed the rest of the entire Universe?

Zargawee

May17-03, 01:24 PM

Stupid But Important Question : Why this topic died ?

MSI

May17-03, 04:25 PM

because....
to be alive again

why why?

LogicalAtheist

May17-03, 05:00 PM

why why?

Just because..

Question: Dude, what the hell is that????

J-Man

May18-03, 02:18 PM

LogicalAtheist asked:
Dude, what the hell is that????
I know what the hell that is. It's a... hmmm...
What the hell is that?

MSI

May18-03, 03:29 PM

well it is .... ohh i forgot

what was billgate thinking of when they finished win 95?

LogicalAtheist

May18-03, 04:24 PM

"I'm in the money! I'm in the money"

What is Bill Gates thinking this VERY second? List the time you're responding!

J-Man

May18-03, 04:35 PM

LogicalAtheist asked:
What is Bill Gates thinking this VERY second? List the time you're responding!
Do I want fries with that?
(current time is about 15:35:38 EST)

How could I possibly forget to ask a quetion?

MSI

May19-03, 11:20 AM

well ... you do ... but in that position you ..... so you .......and then you forget to put the question

what am i writing ?!!

Mr. Robin Parsons

May19-03, 01:11 PM

Originally posted by MSI

what am i writing ?!!

Nothing, your typing!

If you drink alcohol that is only 7%, does that mean you only get 7% drunk?

Mentat

May19-03, 01:40 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Nothing, your typing!

If you drink alcohol that is only 7%, does that mean you only get 7% drunk?

No, if you drink enough of any kind of beer, you'll get 42% drunk and collapse.

Why do people behave differently when they are drunk?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May19-03, 04:40 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

Why do people behave differently when they are drunk?

Because they experiance the anti-gravitational effects of Beer, hence wandering about as if it used no energy, running off at the mouth because of the reduction in friction, falling down because of the extra strength of there beer enhanced muscles, and floating because of all of the Beer gas inside of them.

When we "Extrapolate", does that really mean we are taking an
"Extra-po(ll)-later"??

J-Man

May20-03, 12:56 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
When we "Extrapolate", does that really mean we are taking an
"Extra-po(ll)-later"??
No, it means that the guy who used-to-be the Trapo ("Trapo" is slang for "Trapeze Artist") has not yet arrived. It always pisses off the circus manager.

Can I buy a vowel?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May20-03, 02:42 PM

Origianlly asked by J-Man

Can I buy a vowel?

Well, the price of a vowel, as I am sure you well know, has recently been subjected to fluctuations in the International global monetary marketplaces, hence it's value has become an exceedingly difficult assesment due to the logistics of the finacial arrangements required for such a vast transfer of funds as to ensure that it would be much simpler if you could replace the need of the said Vowel, with a constanant, elseif Yes, $0.42 (cents) please!

When Tom (not the one in these forums) Belched, did he mean to indicate "Yes!", or "No!"??

(A clue, it was a loud and sustained Belllllllllch)

Nicool003

May20-03, 05:58 PM

he meant snow

does the phrase "i thought i could almost think of thinking about almost thinking about having a thought"

make sense?

MSI

May20-03, 08:07 PM

i have a garden then i see birds

what is this "[g)]" doing?

J-Man

May21-03, 01:12 PM

MSI asked:
what is this "[g)]" doing?

That's the normal reaction when one realizes that, instead of the fresh cup of coffee, he just drank his denture cleaner. Nothing to worry about.
P.S. It's usually preceded by: [8)] and soon followed by: [*(]

Is it better to have a stereo with a volume control that goes to 10, a volume control that goes to 20, or should it just have as many lights as possible?

BoulderHead

May21-03, 01:20 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
Is it better to have a stereo with a volume control that goes to 10, a volume control that goes to 20, or should it just have as many lights as possible? My vote goes for having as many lights as possible, especially a really annoying great big bright one meant to remind the owner to TURN THAT CRAP DOWN ! [:D]

Should we pity those who turn their car stereos up so loud, without wearing hearing protection, and freely pitch in to buy them hearing aids at some point down the road?

J-Man

May21-03, 03:01 PM

BoulderHead asked:
Should we pity those who turn their car stereos up so loud, without wearing hearing protection, and freely pitch in to buy them hearing aids at some point down the road?

No, we should get them missles. The kind of missles that have flames coming out of the back end with a high velocity in the direction of the loud "music", (unless it's Zeppelin of course.) Either that or we should find a way of using all that audio energy to propel our vehicles... hey, if it can make my car bounce up and down 100 feet away, it should be able to make it bounce up and down and move forward.

How many feet per beat could your vehicle go if the propelling stereo has a really good sub-woofer?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May22-03, 12:09 PM

Originally asked by J-Man
How many feet per beat could your vehicle go if the propelling stereo has a really good sub-woofer?

Well seeing as the sonic volume per unit squared is in-equvalent to the tweeter subsets accoustic velocity, the number of feet per beat is co-relationally independant of the sub-woofer, as per the tweeter harmonic that fundamentally begats the requsite propulsive drive spacing as per the interactivety of the volume per unit of ear squared, hence we would find that the most basic calculation of Ft/beat needs to be functioned proportianately to the realtivity of the persons listening to the sound as that is inversely squared to the woofers tweetability.

So it probably works out to, about, 42 ! (unless it is Zeppelin, then is the exponent of that)

Is the true translation of the greek word anatomy, as an english word, An-Atom-in-me??

Mentat

May23-03, 04:28 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons

Is the true translation of the greek word anatomy, as an english word, An-Atom-in-me?? [/B]

Actually, it's not a Greek term at all, it was coined by some Italian kid. You see, his mother asked who broke the vase, and he said "a-not-a-me". [:D]

Why do clocks run clock-wise?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May24-03, 10:41 AM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why do clocks run clock-wise?

Because, the other way, is "clock-stupid"!

Is a Volcanic eruption the Earths way of signing it's "Nom du Plume"?

J-Man

May25-03, 01:03 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
Is a Volcanic eruption the Earths way of signing it's "Nom du Plume"?

No, it just has gas. Dropping a few Tums into the volcano should make it feel better.

If the Earth had no moon how would you tell if you were a werewolf?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May25-03, 01:28 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

If the Earth had no moon how would you tell if you were a werewolf?

Your canines would hurt everytme the sun set.

The hair on your body would grow constantly, at night.

Your fingernails would be claw like in the evenings.

Your urge to ululate would drive you batty.

And the need to lift a leg at trees would indicate your true canine (K-9) nature!

If a unicorn rides into your life, what do you do with it?

J-Man

May25-03, 02:20 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
If a unicorn rides into your life, what do you do with it?
Chop 'im up into unicorn burgers and have a cook-out.
mmmmmmm uniburgers....

If The Simpsons ever ends, (heaven forbid,) should FOX bother broadcasting anything?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May25-03, 03:00 PM

Origianlly asked by J-Man

If The Simpsons ever ends, (heaven forbid,) should FOX bother broadcasting anything?

You mean to tell me that they broadcast other shows now??, Huh?? you mean that there are other things on that network besides the Simpsons, Nah your not telling the truth, are ya, your making that up aren't ya!!!!

Will J-Man ever admit that he just made up the Idea that Fox network airs something, other then The Simpsons!!

J-Man

May25-03, 03:28 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Will J-Man ever admit that he just made up the Idea that Fox network airs something, other then The Simpsons!!
I don't think that I won't not never admit nothing.

Why does the double-negative in the phrase, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch", not switch to a positive (i.e. "There is such a thing as a free lunch")?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May26-03, 12:24 PM

Origianlly asked by J-Man

Why does the double-negative in the phrase, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch", not switch to a positive (i.e. "There is such a thing as a free lunch")?

Actually it does, all you need do is double negate your income, and you too can be a homeless person who enjoys(?) a free lunch(s).
(Signed; one who knows, nudge, nudge, wink, wink!!)

Since there is actually such a thing as a free lunch, why don't more people take avail/inhale of it??

EDIT for space(ing)

Mentat

May26-03, 05:02 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Since there is actually such a thing as a free lunch, why don't more people take avail/inhale of it??

While I see nothing wrong with taking inhale of it (whatever that means), I don't think you could fit a full lunch into "a vail".

Why do so many people think that Science is a religion?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May26-03, 06:42 PM

Originally asked by mentat

Why do so many people think that Science is a religion?

Because both of them act like they are God!

Why do both of them act like they are God(s)??

Mentat

May28-03, 06:11 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Because both of them act like they are God!

Why do both of them act like they are God(s)??

Forgive my digression from the question-answer chain but, what are you refering to, when you say "both of them"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

May30-03, 08:53 AM

Originally posted by Mentat
Forgive my digression from the question-answer chain but, what are you refering to, when you say "both of them"?

A commonality of humor, inasmuch as there is, in humanity, a 'common thread of thought' that goes both ways, (friendly and malicious) in seeing either of those entities, as acting, as if they were "Gods".

But I ascribe to the attempt at humor only, forgive the digression, (no harm done) and apologize for any misgivings/perceptions of malice.

But, (to contiue.....) am I truly sorry? (Sincere?)

EDIT SP?

J-Man

May30-03, 03:07 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
But, (to contiue.....) am I truly sorry? (Sincere?)
Of course not, don't be silly.
Well, okay, be silly, but be silly in a proactive, pragmatic, and 7 other big words, way.

Or should you be silly in a proactive, pragmatic, and 8 other big words way?

Mentat

May30-03, 03:22 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
Of course not, don't be silly.
Well, okay, be silly, but be silly in a proactive, pragmatic, and 7 other big words, way.

Or should you be silly in a proactive, pragmatic, and 8 other big words way?

Duh, is that a trick question?

Why doesn't the "Evil" Smilie work?

FZ+

May30-03, 04:46 PM

Because we don't want PF to be a member of the axis of evil...

Why are the good guys always "allied" or "coalition" and the bad guys always "axis"?

J-Man

May30-03, 06:02 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Why are the good guys always "allied" or "coalition" and the bad guys always "axis"?
Because I said so; now finish your vegetables. Your Mother and I work our fingers to the bone so you can eat and grow up healthy, but do you appreciate it? No! You just sit there and ask stupid quetions.

Am I in the right thread?

MSI

May30-03, 06:41 PM

well thats depend on your definition of "right thread" ...
maybe you are in the left thread [:)]

was that phylosophy [?]

Mr. Robin Parsons

May30-03, 07:21 PM

Originally posted by MSI

was that phylosophy [?]

No. it's sly'o'sophistry!

If the "fabric" of space/time is a vacuum, how do you curve a vacuum??

Mentat

Jun1-03, 02:54 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
No. it's sly'o'sophistry!

If the "fabric" of space/time is a vacuum, how do you curve a vacuum??

I guess the dumbest thing one could do is scream the truth at you: SPACE IS NOT A VACUUM!

Do you know the origin of a rainbow? [;)]

cmdr_sponge

Jun1-03, 05:39 PM

thats easy it comes from a rainbow flower

can plants tell the time?

Hurkyl

Jun1-03, 05:45 PM

Depends, is it wearing a watch?

What time is it anyways?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun1-03, 06:45 PM

Originally asked by Hurkyl

What time is it?

Time to buy a watch! (Or, wear the one you have at home in your drawer, or, time to annoy another person with that question, or, time to mind your own business, or, time to get a life, or, time to stop asking what time is it, or, time for me to leave, or,.................)

Why do some people scream answers at you, when it never changes the accuracy/inaccuracy of the responce??

cmdr_sponge

Jun3-03, 03:28 PM

maybe you look deaf

why do stupid questions deserve stupid answers?

FZ+

Jun3-03, 04:19 PM

They don't. But life isn't fair.

What is fair?

Mentat

Jun3-03, 04:31 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
They don't. But life isn't fair.

What is fair?

Stop yelling at me!

If people speak of the "big inning" of time, do they mean to imply that there will be a "big outing" of time?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun3-03, 06:27 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

If people speak of the "big inning" of time, do they mean to imply that there will be a "big outing" of time?

No, just a Big Time!!

What is a Big Time?

Mentat

Jun4-03, 01:40 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
No, just a Big Time!!

What is a Big Time?

The opposite of a small time, duh!

Why is there a "b" at the end of "dumb"?

cmdr_sponge

Jun4-03, 04:37 PM

to confuse the ppl it applies to

why isnt phonetically spelt phonetically?

Mentat

Jun4-03, 05:07 PM

Originally posted by cmdr_sponge
to confuse the ppl it applies to

why isnt phonetically spelt phonetically?

It's demostrably paradoxical (a Wuliheron-ish answer). Or, because math says so (and Alexander-ish answer).

Why do people consider the heart to be the "seat of motivation"?

maximus

Jun4-03, 09:22 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
It's demostrably paradoxical (a Wuliheron-ish answer). Or, because math says so (and Alexander-ish answer).

Why do people consider the heart to be the "seat of motivation"?

well, what would you like to call it? the 'chair of motivation'?

where do babies come from?

Tom Mattson

Jun4-03, 10:45 PM

Originally posted by maximus
where do babies come from?

Just add water to baby powder.

Why can't you hear colors?

maximus

Jun4-03, 10:56 PM

Originally posted by Tom
Just add water to baby powder.

Why can't you hear colors?

for the exact same reason that you can't see sound!

why is hot water hot instead of cold?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun5-03, 10:17 AM

Originally askes by Maximus

why is hot water hot instead of cold?

Well, in the case Hot V Cold (#456 C SCUSA) the jury was apprised of the accusation of prejudice that arose from the hot water accusing the cold water of actually not being cold enough, the rebuttal from the hot water was to deride the reputation of the cold water is such a manner as to impose upon the 17th amendement rights, of said cold water, as to ensure that the allegation of the inferance of the "non temperate" nature of the water was to be examined by a physicist, an expert in the field of water temperature, so pending the outcome of the final assessment of the assay of the true state of the waters nature, this question cannot be stupidly responded to, aside from the legal implications, to this author, for the possibilities of breech of temporal trust in his blatant, and oh so public, display of disrespect towards such a thermal fluid issue.

Oooooops, this just in, it seems that a restraining order has been placed upon any further explaination of the jurisprudence that is being set, in this particularily contentious issue between hot water and cold water, hence, futher discourse upon siad matter will be met with the force of law as to ensure that all legalities are maintained to the fullest extent of the laws legal ability to extend the long arm of the law pertaining to said allegation of frigidity with respect to the heated matter, order # 398275647384595066003038075497-j-485756393 part; 'c' section, 42

Is that about the longest 'non responce' I could think of?

J-Man

Jun5-03, 02:43 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is that about the longest 'non responce' I could think of?
No, you just don't like typing too much.

How many nits could a nit-picker pick if a nit-picker could pick nits?

Mentat

Jun5-03, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
No, you just don't like typing too much.

How many nits could a nit-picker pick if a nit-picker could pick nits?

As many nits as the nit-picker could pick, you nit-wit!

There are people who are "witty". And there are people who are "half-wits". But what about other fractions? What's a "quarter-wit", or a "third-wit".

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun5-03, 04:36 PM

Origianlly asked by Mentat

There are people who are "witty". And there are people who are "half-wits". But what about other fractions? What's a "quarter-wit", or a "third-wit".

Nope there are only 1/2 wits, the rest are witless!

If you are tuly "witless", does that preclude you from being a wit-ness?

Mentat

Jun5-03, 04:40 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Nope there are only 1/2 wits, the rest are witless!

If you are tuly "witless", does that preclude you from being a wit-ness?

Let me think about that for a while...
...
hmm...
uh...42!

How old is God?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun5-03, 04:49 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

How old is God?

About as old as a creator of a universe can be, thought of as, "to the Nth degree, and BeYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOND" !!

How far past the Nth degree can you go?

Mentat

Jun5-03, 04:52 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
About as old as a creator of a universe can be, thought of as, "to the Nth degree, and BeYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOND" !!

How far past the Nth degree can you go?

About NN.

Am I conscious?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun5-03, 04:56 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

Am I conscious?

Only if you are not consciously asking the question, cause a conscious person doesn't ask if they are conscious, only unconscious people ask if they are conscious.

Get it?

J-Man

Jun6-03, 01:03 PM

Originally asked by Mr. Robin Parsons
Get it?
No, Segways are overrated. And probably misspelled.

What would happen if we really gave peace a chance?

Mentat

Jun6-03, 03:35 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
No, Segways are overrated. And probably misspelled.

What would happen if we really gave peace a chance?

The very fabric of spacetime itself would destroy itself. Sudden, and utter, chaos would errupt. Nothing could ever exist again. All because humans defied their nature [;)].

What would happen if I traveled to the past and killed my grandfather, before he gave birth to my father?

FZ+

Jun6-03, 06:26 PM

A giant golden and divinely floating 42 would appear and smite thee most dreadfully.

What would happen if Alexander became a christian one day?

MSI

Jun7-03, 08:41 AM

that will be the end of the world

what is the most stuped question in this topic?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun7-03, 09:50 AM

Originally asked by MSI

what is the most stuped question in this topic?

The one that didn't ask a question, but rather, responded to the answer, that the question, didn't ask!

Is the reason that there is no word, in the English language, that rhymes with Orange, because none of the other words can reach a note in the O'range??

maximus

Jun8-03, 02:12 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons

Is the reason that there is no word, in the English language, that rhymes with Orange, because none of the other words can reach a note in the O'range??

maybe.

if beauty is in the eye of the beholder than why hasn't anyone thought of finding this "Beholder", scooping out his eyes, eating them, and thus become beautyful (or full-of-beauty)?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun8-03, 01:39 PM

Originallyposted by Maximus

if beauty is in the eye of the beholder than why hasn't anyone thought of finding this "Beholder", scooping out his eyes, eating them, and thus become beautyful (or full-of-beauty)?

Well since it is you who are/is the beholder, well, I wouldn't recommend that you try it, cause you won't be able to see outer beauty anymore, and I doubt that it will increase you ability to see inner beauty any better then with your eyes functioning properly.

Stay Beautiful, inside, and out!

The is a new theory out, "Massless Dark Matter" Do you think it will matter?

maximus

Jun8-03, 01:56 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons

The is a new theory out, "Massless Dark Matter" Do you think it will matter?

not massivly...

if someone touched your godhead, how would it feel?

Mentat

Jun8-03, 10:24 PM

Originally posted by maximus
not massivly...

if someone touched your godhead, how would it feel?

Uh, ain't that a little private to be talking about on the PFs? (Pun intended.)[6)]

Does anything rhyme with purple?

maximus

Jun8-03, 10:30 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

Does anything rhyme with purple?

Murple!

if you were a nun, could you ever make a pun?

Mentat

Jun8-03, 10:34 PM

Originally posted by maximus
Murple!

if you were a nun, could you ever make a pun?

Son, it should be pretty fun to see a nun make a pun, but there are none, who'd make a pun, under the sun.

Is this statment false?

maximus

Jun8-03, 10:45 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Son, it should be pretty fun to see a nun make a pun, but there are none, who'd make a pun, under the sun.

Is this statment false?

well, first off, i am not your son. secondly, it would not be fun. also, there are many nuns who i'm sure would love to make a pun, but for the love of god, not under the sun! they'de melt!

have you ever noticed that the first letter of every second letter in the third letter of everyones first name is actually the ninth letter of the the second alphabet, and is always divisable by three?

Cummings

Jun9-03, 06:45 AM

Originally posted by maximus
well, first off, i am not your son. secondly, it would not be fun. also, there are many nuns who i'm sure would love to make a pun, but for the love of god, not under the sun! they'de melt!

have you ever noticed that the first letter of every second letter in the third letter of everyones first name is actually the ninth letter of the the second alphabet, and is always divisable by three?

umm, no, its 3.14159

What is the fifth number of our alphabet?

Mentat

Jun9-03, 09:31 AM

Originally posted by Cummings
umm, no, its 3.14159

What is the fifth number of our alphabet?

um...B. No, 6. No...ummm...42!

How come a tree's rings tell you how old the tree is, don't they have any shame?

maximus

Jun9-03, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by Mentat

How come a tree's rings tell you how old the tree is, don't they have any shame?

becuase trees, like lettuce and mustard, grow only more respectable with age.

why doesn't the devil face work? [<:)]

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun9-03, 11:56 AM

Originally asked by Maximus

why doesn't the devil face work? [<:)]

Ah, but you are fooled, as it is the devils greatest trick, making you think he doesn't exist, when all the time you are being seduced by his D'evil!

And now, the "Homer(s)ized" version.........

Is the reason that there is no word, in the English language, that rhymes with Orange, because none of the other words can reach a note in the d'Oh-range??

(As suggested by; "A friend"..Tee heee heee heheheheheheheheR?)

J-Man

Jun11-03, 02:28 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is the reason that there is no word, in the English language, that rhymes with Orange, because none of the other words can reach a note in the d'Oh-range??
No, gorange rhymes with orange and is clearly in the d'oh! range.

<------d'oh!------->
     gorange

see?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun12-03, 11:43 AM

Originally asked by J-Man

see?

WHat? where? D'Oh, Ya!!, that!! there!! yup!!!

Have you ever used, ooooor, been a Victim of …….
"Reverse Bumpkin Tecka-Gnawl-(d')O(h)-GEE!"??

J-Man

Jun13-03, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Have you ever used, ooooor, been a Victim of …….
"Reverse Bumpkin Tecka-Gnawl-(d')O(h)-GEE!"??
I never even knew there was such a thing.

If the airspeed velocity of an unladen, (European,) swallow is 42 knots North, but it's airspeed velocity when laden, (with say a 2 lb. coconut,) is only 17 knots (whatever direction,) what time does the train arrive at the station?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun13-03, 02:35 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

If the airspeed velocity of an unladen, (European,) swallow is 42 knots North, but it's airspeed velocity when laden, (with say a 2 lb. coconut,) is only 17 knots (whatever direction,) what time does the train arrive at the station?

Well, if the bird (That's me???) uses "Reverse Bumpkin Technology" (patents pending, BTW) then the right hand rules tells us that the summation fo the vectors cancels out to twelve gad-zillion meters per half year, (squared......naturally) in hyperspacatial reality, but in this dimensionality, the train got derailed, so at 42 O'clock!

When Mr, Robin Parsons, representing the (Wild ) bear, called himself the (i)D(i)ot typissst, was it apparent to you that his use of the two ( ) around his iconographic i was actually to indicate the reflective qualities of mirrors, to the effect that the D could be seen as 'duplicable', ERGO creating the actual title of (i)D (i)Dot, which is a representation of the actuality of a human, with respect to creation, (My ID is simply I'DOT), and that the furthering of this analogy is found in the generation of this iconographic illustration of humanity to include the "Corporeally Ensconced Mind" (that is a Human being) represented by the i, (which is the mind, above the body that it is ensconced within) which is a product of a mirroring effect itself, (hence the two mirrors ( )) ensconcing/generating the i) is further "Universally Humanized in Commonality" by the (i)D (i)Dot's Title in it's signification of the very self reflective quality of being human, such that if you couldn't distinguish between the self generation of i's, then you probably really are (the one and only, as the people in this forum do NOT qualify for such a title, BUT, there is that Universal LAW that states; “There is an exception to EVERY RULE!) a true, and actual, the one and only, in the entire Universe, idiot???

Mentat

Jun13-03, 03:24 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Well, if the bird (That's me???) uses "Reverse Bumpkin Technology" (patents pending, BTW) then the right hand rules tells us that the summation fo the vectors cancels out to twelve gad-zillion meters per half year, (squared......naturally) in hyperspacatial reality, but in this dimensionality, the train got derailed, so at 42 O'clock!

When Mr, Robin Parsons, representing the (Wild ) bear, called himself the (i)D(i)ot typissst, was it apparent to you that his use of the two ( ) around his iconographic i was actually to indicate the reflective qualities of mirrors, to the effect that the D could be seen as 'duplicable', ERGO creating the actual title of (i)D (i)Dot, which is a representation of the actuality of a human, with respect to creation, (My ID is simply I'DOT), and that the furthering of this analogy is found in the generation of this iconographic illustration of humanity to include the "Corporeally Ensconced Mind" (that is a Human being) represented by the i, (which is the mind, above the body that it is ensconced within) which is a product of a mirroring effect itself, (hence the two mirrors ( )) ensconcing/generating the i) is further "Universally Humanized in Commonality" by the (i)D (i)Dot's Title in it's signification of the very self reflective quality of being human, such that if you couldn't distinguish between the self generation of i's, then you probably really are (the one and only, as the people in this forum do NOT qualify for such a title, BUT, there is that Universal LAW that states; “There is an exception to EVERY RULE!) a true, and actual, the one and only, in the entire Universe, idiot???

Is that even a quetion?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun13-03, 05:28 PM

Originally asked by mentat

Is that even a quetion?

D'Oh look, "Reverse Bumpkin Technology" (patents pending) at work!

What does "Patents Pending" really mean??

J-Man

Jun14-03, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What does "Patents Pending" really mean??
It comes from the Greek words "paten" (pants) and "tspen" (to sue) and "ding" (dang). Literally, "to sue your dang pants off."

Why do they want your pants?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun14-03, 03:53 PM

Origially asked by J-Man

Why do they want your pants?

So they can "pend" them what else would/could it have been!

Is the word "Karaoke" translated into English, "Karry-Off-Key"??

J-Man

Jun23-03, 11:57 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is the word "Karaoke" translated into English, "Karry-Off-Key"??
Yes, but most people screw it up and translate it as "Barry's Monkey", and their voice cracks when they say it.

Is the world safe from joggers?

Mentat

Jun23-03, 12:04 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
Yes, but most people screw it up and translate it as "Barry's Monkey", and their voice cracks when they say it.

Is the world safe from joggers?

You mean, is the safe jog from worlders? Or, is the jog world from safers?

If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it kill a squirrel?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jun23-03, 01:43 PM

Originally asked by Mentat
If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it kill a squirrel?

Well now, the tree falling at angle Θ with the cooresponding angle of interferential differentiation being α twix the variable of the known α/Ω range, the squirrel, {if present} must execute a double back-flipping summersault, at an inverted angle of
ζ * ≈ thus arranging for the momentum to be &equiv; to ± the √ π thus obtaining the maximum velocity achievable as to ensure that, (if the squirrel is present) the last longest branch may, or may not, strike the squirrel firmly and soundly, hence making it much simpler for all of us to enjoy squirrel "frikase'e" this evening.

If Ms. Spelt, miss spelt, misspelled, would she need a legal name change?

J-Man

Jul5-03, 12:26 PM

Mr. Robin Parsons asked:
If Ms. Spelt, miss spelt, misspelled, would she need a legal name change?
Only if she married Mr. Spelling, cause she'd then be 'Misses Spelling'.

Why do people tell me I'm out of shape? After all, 'round' is a shape.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul6-03, 01:27 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

Why do people tell me I'm out of shape? After all, 'round' is a shape.

Because it doesn't fit into there 'square thinking' minds!

Why does a "Square Thinking Mind" not fit into a round hole??

Mentat

Jul7-03, 12:17 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Because it doesn't fit into there 'square thinking' minds!

Why does a "Square Thinking Mind" not fit into a round hole??

Why, do you really need a phenomenological anal probe?

Why do people believe that aliens use anal probes?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul7-03, 05:14 PM

Originally asked by Mentat

Why do people believe that aliens use anal probes?

Because, 'rumor has it' they keep using the "Back Door", of the planet, for entry.

How does one employ a "phenomenological anal probe" for testing flatulate spectroscopy?

dextercioby

Jul8-03, 04:01 AM

i surely don't know.
Now there's a stupid question from me:how much can one earn by webmastering a hardcore site??

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul8-03, 10:26 AM

Originally asked by dextercioby
Now there's a stupid question from me:how much can one earn by webmastering a hardcore site??

Rumor has it that nothing ever is gained from it.

Why would anyone, work at a job, that rewards them, with nothing?

EDIT SP!

Mentat

Jul8-03, 12:47 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Rumor has it that nothing ever comes from it.

Why would anyone, work at a job, that rewards them, with nothing?

And now, for the dumbest answer of all time: Sometimes the work is a reward in itself. [:D]

What exactly would a phenomenological anal probe look like?

Mattius_

Jul8-03, 01:59 PM

coke or pepsi?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul8-03, 02:57 PM

Originally answered, and asked, by Mattius_
coke or pepsi?

Why yes! please! cold preferably!

What is the opposite of Orange?

Mentat

Jul9-03, 05:17 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why yes! please! cold preferably!

What is the opposite of Orange?

Egnaro (pronounced: egg-nah-row) noun. Etymology: From the Old English "Egnaro", which meant nothing whatsoever to them, and hasn't changed much since.

Definition:
1) The opposite of Orange, for whatever reason one may wish to conjur up in their twisted, useless, minds.

2) The noun form of the verb, to "egn", which cannot be pronounced, so don't even try.

3) In some cultures, the name of the Almighty God, who egned this Earth from nothing.*

*these cultures are only hypothetical, and no such religion is known to exist, but the definition just didn't look long (or stupid) enough without this third point.

What is the purpose of definitions?

selfAdjoint

Jul9-03, 05:40 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Egnaro (pronounced: egg-nah-row) noun. Etymology: From the Old English "Egnaro", which meant nothing whatsoever to them, and hasn't changed much since.

Definition:
1) The opposite of Orange, for whatever reason one may wish to conjur up in their twisted, useless, minds.

2) The noun form of the verb, to "egn", which cannot be pronounced, so don't even try.

3) In some cultures, the name of the Almighty God, who egned this Earth from nothing.*

*these cultures are only hypothetical, and no such religion is known to exist, but the definition just didn't look long (or stupid) enough without this third point.

What is the purpose of definitions?

To put de fine point on things.

What is the opposite of grok? (and don't say korg!)

Ivan Seeking

Jul10-03, 04:16 AM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
To put de fine point on things.

What is the opposite of grok? (and don't say korg!)

Ignorance.
The meaning of grok (http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0%2C%2Csid9_gci212216%2C00.html)

What is the meaning of "is"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul10-03, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
What is the meaning of "is"?

ARE!

How do you start a bicycle?

DR OF DEATH

Jul10-03, 11:09 AM

by getting a bi'person to cycle it.

when will hell freeze over i wanna go there for christmas

Mentat

Jul10-03, 12:39 PM

Originally posted by drdeath
by getting a bi'person to cycle it.

when will hell freeze over i wanna go there for christmas

Right after it freezes over "I wanna go there for Easter" (just a joke on the lack of punctuation... [;)]).

Why do people make fun of lawyers?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul10-03, 02:15 PM

Originally posed by mentat
Why do people make fun of lawyers?

BECAUSE IT IS THE LAW!!!

Why is it "The Law" to make fun of lawyers

The Grimmus

Jul10-03, 03:10 PM

becuase you siad it was

If i cant read how am i answering this

The Grimmus

Jul10-03, 03:10 PM

becuase you siad it was

If i cant read how am i answering this

maximus

Jul10-03, 05:09 PM

Originally posted by The Grimmus
If i cant read how am i answering this

it's in brail.

if you can't think of a question that sounds stupid, does it make you smart or stupid?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul10-03, 06:21 PM

Originally asked by maximus

if you can't think of a question that sounds stupid, does it make you smart or stupid?

Neither, just NOT a 'thinker' (Only a joke, Not for real, OK?)

Does the word "Genius" really stand for The Geni-(in)-us? (or was that gem-in-I?)

The Grimmus

Jul10-03, 06:54 PM

yes yes it dose

or dose it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul10-03, 07:03 PM

Originally posted by The Grimmus

or dose it?

Most assuredly is was.

If you scream "Eureka", but have gotten nothing, why have you done that?

selfAdjoint

Jul10-03, 08:52 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Most assuredly is was.

If you scream "Eureka", but have gotten nothing, why have you done that?

Because you friend-a smells-a bad-a.

Did Jack and Jill get Workman's Comp?

The Grimmus

Jul10-03, 10:30 PM

No but jill is still awaiting her sexual harrasment suit, aginst Jack for "tubling" after her so aggresively, to procces

Whats this rash on my thigh from

quantumcarl

Jul11-03, 05:01 AM

Originally posted by The Grimmus
No but jill is still awaiting her sexual harrasment suit, aginst Jack for "tubling" after her so aggresively, to procces

Whats this rash on my thigh from

Rash behavior.

Are we naked under out clothes?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul11-03, 11:03 AM

Originally asked by quantumcarl

Are we naked under out clothes?

Only if she says "Yes"!

What do you do if she says "Yes!"?

J-Man

Jul11-03, 01:47 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if she says "Yes!"?
Step 1) Apply chocolate.
Step 2) Lick chocolate.
Step 3) Repeat as desired.
Step 4) Start over, except with whipped cream.

Or should the whipped cream come first?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul11-03, 04:34 PM

Originally asked by J-Man

Or should the whipped cream come first?

Hopefully, and 'hopefully' you will finish last!

Is whipped cream without a "cherry on top" anywheres nears as good as with one?

The Grimmus

Jul12-03, 01:00 AM

only if the cherry is substuted with chocalte sauce (or another sauce like subsatnce) with sprinkles (be them rainbow or choclate)

how much cholcalte would it take to bring down a rhino

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul12-03, 02:15 PM

Originally asked by The Grimmus
how much cholcalte would it take to bring down a rhino

Given the chocolate to weight formula, C^W/A18 werein A= Anger quotient, the need of chocolate poundage is a mulituple of the rhino's mass\weight divided by his anger'Q', (to the eighteenth power) hence you must assess the A before proceeding to calculate the formulation of needed chocolate.

How angry will the rhino be?

The Grimmus

Jul12-03, 11:12 PM

well you will need an equation for that as well...
A=w*(T^pi)+ sqr(n-8)

A = anger
w=weight
T= % above or below normal testosteron level of that type of orangism
N= randome varriable that makes me look smarte

so you satrt with:
182(.9^pi)+sqr( [oo] -8)
182 (roughly 2.827433388) + the letter v...yea v (this is starting to look like a math final of mine)
roughly 514.5928767+v
coverting V using only imaginaryly relastic # you come out with

A= very

how can sqr( [oo] -8) be anything but the symbol ~?

Mattius_

Jul13-03, 12:39 AM

but what if your not throwing the chocalate? maybe your feeding it the chocalate, in which case the poundage would be much smaller... id say mmm, 10-20 lbs of milk chocalate before you make it get sick and lay down.. but this estimate is totally dependent upon the kind of chocalate...

what kind of chocalate? does nugget count?

The Grimmus

Jul13-03, 01:37 AM

ofocurse your feeding it the choclate in a nugget form and you have thigns revered if u throw it at the rhino it is far less

rhinos insticvley stomp on procced choclate realsing small amount of coco dust which knock the creature unconsious

What the hell am i talking about?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul13-03, 11:46 AM

Originally posted by The Grimmus
What the hell am i talking about?

Something about the menu plan for cooking a Rhino in chocolate, I think.

What are you going to do when your spine wears out?

The Grimmus

Jul13-03, 06:35 PM

get one off ebay

Defintie means infite if you look at it as De finite...right?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul14-03, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by The Grimmus
Defintie means infite if you look at it as De finite...right?

Only 42 times, after that it becomes In De-Finite.

When you look on ebay, for a new spine, are you willing/wanting to save some ca$h on slightly used ones?

Mentat

Jul14-03, 04:12 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Only 42 times, after that it becomes In De-Finite.

When you look on ebay, for a new spine, are you willing/wanting to save some ca$h on slightly used ones?

If you're looking on eBay for a new spine, you are completely insane, and need to seek professional help as soon as possible.

How old is God?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul14-03, 04:19 PM

Originally posted by Mentat

How old is God?

Same age as the last time you asked that question!

How many times are we allowed to repeat ourselves before we volontarily make the effort to come up with some new material?

(and 42 times is a disqualified/dis-ingenious/un-quantfiable responce)

Andy

Jul14-03, 05:23 PM

Liz Hurley is HOT!

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul16-03, 01:12 PM

Ahhhh!!! EVIDENCE!!!!!!! (thats the answer!)

Now the question.......

What is evidence?

J-Man

Jul18-03, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What is evidence?
Something with the same dencity of an electron, but whose energy is equal to it's power.
Why do they make fireworks illegal and then sell them?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul18-03, 01:13 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
Why do they make fireworks illegal and then sell them?

Cause if they were legal, no one would want them, NO FUN that way. way MORE FUN if they are illegal to use. (nudge'nudge-wink'wink)

Why do people find breaking the law, FUN?

mouseman

Jul18-03, 11:53 PM

cuz its fun to break stuff.

If you're riding your bike along the road and your pedal falls off,
how many monkeys does it take to make an omelet?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul19-03, 09:09 AM

Well it depends on the bicycle, (pedal differentiation) 'Mountain bike' style or 'Road bike' style, and you clearly forgot to tell us where the monkey/simian was astride the Artificial Horse that it was riding, cause the velocity factors V thermal transfer (to the protein pile) have successive Differential accumulations of agglomerational characteristic pluming episodes that would deffinitively have quantifiable effectations upon the qualitative output of the simians respective erognomic abilities, re the pedals qualities have quantifiable proportions such that the outcomes of events histologies would pathologically diverge in there acuteness, or, in simple words, Go ask someone who is a MONKEY (or there Avatar)

Is it really the "Monkey that Roared", and NOT the Mouse that roared??

Mentat

Jul19-03, 04:39 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Well it depends on the bicycle, (pedal differentiation) 'Mountain bike' style or 'Road bike' style, and you clearly forgot to tell us where the monkey/simian was astride the Artificial Horse that it was riding, cause the velocity factors V thermal transfer (to the protein pile) have successive Differential accumulations of agglomerational characteristic pluming episodes that would deffinitively have quantifiable effectations upon the qualitative output of the simians respective erognomic abilities, re the pedals qualities have quantifiable proportions such that the outcomes of events histologies would pathologically diverge in there acuteness, or, in simple words, Go ask someone who is a MONKEY (or there Avatar)

Is it really the "Monkey that Roared", and NOT the Mouse that roared??

Uuuh, I'm thinkin' kinda...huh?

What would we do if the back-scratcher hadn't been invented?

Ivan Seeking

Jul19-03, 08:41 PM

Originally posted by Mentat
Uuuh, I'm thinkin' kinda...huh?

What would we do if the back-scratcher hadn't been invented?

Itch.

what would be the record for the longest field goal if our knees bent the other direction? Why?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jul20-03, 08:58 AM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
what would be the record for the longest field goal if our knees bent the other direction? Why?

About the same, as you would just do things/count Bass Ackwards!

In what number system do you count Bass Ackwards?

J-Man

Aug5-03, 08:14 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
In what number system do you count Bass Ackwards?
It is ackwards to count bass in any number system! But if I had to guess, I'd probably say the Trout System of Numerology and Flatulence.

What's funnier, "Numerology" or "Flatulence"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug6-03, 05:31 PM

Originally posted by j-man
What's funnier, "Numerology" or "Flatulence"?

"Numerological Flatulence"!!

How many flatulates can you count when the flatulator is flatulating at supersonic speeds?

J-Man

Aug8-03, 12:47 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How many flatulates can you count when the flatulator is flatulating at supersonic speeds?
All of them, unless the batteries are dead.

What did the bartender say to the Neutron when giving it the drink it ordered?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug9-03, 06:42 PM

"This 'oughta Linearly polarize Ya!"

What do you do if, while the polarized Neutron went out for a stroll along the beltway, and the Martian askes you for your seeds?

Andy

Aug10-03, 06:43 PM

paint his yohoo gold

how do you post without knowing that u've posted

J-Man

Aug11-03, 12:39 AM

Originally posted by Andy
how do you post without knowing that u've posted
Hypnotize yourself.

Will there ever be peace on Mars?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug11-03, 04:44 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
Will there ever be peace on Mars?

YES! (see below for explaination)

Why? has there never been, a War, on Mars?

vacuum

Aug21-03, 02:03 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
YES! (see below for explaination)

Why? has there never been, a War, on Mars?
Yes, actually there was, yellow ants ate my bannana.

Why did I say bANANNA? aND wHO sTOLE mY cAPS lOCK kEY??

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug21-03, 03:09 PM

Originally posted by vacuum
Why did I say bANANNA? aND wHO sTOLE mY cAPS lOCK kEY??
Because I briefly took over your mind, and made you say that, so while you were distracted that way, I could steal your "caps lock key" to open up the door locks, on my tent! (nyah!! nyah!!)

If the Earth had been a cube, (rather then a sphere) would you still have been willing to seek out the four corners of it??
(eight actually, but it's an expression so run with it, will Ya?)

FZ+

Aug21-03, 05:56 PM

Only so I can prove that it is in fact, triangular.

As per QM, would car drivers get lost less if their speedometers were less accurate?

Sonty

Aug22-03, 02:10 PM

Yes, they will also be unsure about their weight.

Do I still have a sun tan at night?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug22-03, 02:53 PM

Originally asked by Sonty
Do I still have a sun tan at night?
No! it turns into a Burn.

Is it possible to get a Sun tan, under the Stars??

zoobyshoe

Aug22-03, 05:40 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is it possible to get a Sun tan, under the Stars??

Billions and billions of them.Just
none of them very dark.

How dark is a dark star?

BiologyForums

Aug22-03, 05:44 PM

You are getting a suntime under the stars.

No one ever got a suntan under anything other than stars.....

Sonty

Aug22-03, 06:23 PM

Darker than the white Death Star.

How deadly is a Death Star?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug22-03, 06:29 PM

Originally posted by Sonty
How deadly is a Death Star?
We don't really know, no one has ever survived one yet!

If I was to try to walk up a hillside of bentanite, in a rainstorm, how far down the hill would I go?

(Chuckle* chuckle)

zoobyshoe

Aug22-03, 06:34 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If I was to try to walk up a hillside of bentanite, in a rainstorm, how far down the hill would I go?

(Chuckle* chuckle)

As far as the nearest spell-check
I hope.(Chuckle' chuckle)

How many physicists does it take
to screw in a lightbulb?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug22-03, 06:39 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How many physicists does it take
to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows! the last anyone heard, they were out inventing a new source of light!!

How many sources of light does it take to illuminate you?

zoobyshoe

Aug22-03, 06:42 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How many sources of light does it take to illuminate you?

I don't keep count. All I know is
that I'm ready for my closup, Mr.
DeMille.

Is it live, or is it memorex?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug22-03, 06:49 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Is it live, or is it memorex?
Uhmmm, oh! sorry! I forgot! what was the question again?

zoobyshoe

Aug22-03, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Uhmmm, oh! sorry! I forgot! what was the question again?

ABSOLUTLY CORRECT!

Where have all the flowers gone?

Zantra

Aug23-03, 01:00 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
ABSOLUTLY CORRECT!
Where have all the flowers gone?

The guy at the funeral home needed them

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Gale

Aug23-03, 01:05 AM

Where have all the cowboys gone?

to space, the final frontier!

how many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?

Sonty

Aug23-03, 02:40 AM

Originally asked by Gale17
how many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?

That's obvious! 42.

How many times do you have to moon the president to earn 42 cups of sugar?

zoobyshoe

Aug23-03, 08:14 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
How many times do you have to moon the president to earn 42 cups of sugar?

Only Monica Lewinski knows for
sure.

If I say the word "Lewinski" 42
times, and you say it 21 times,
and a third party says it 10.5
times, and a fourth party says it
5.25 times will anyone ever end up
saying it 0 times?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug23-03, 09:33 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If I say the word "Lewinski" 42
times, and you say it 21 times,
and a third party says it 10.5
times, and a fourth party says it
5.25 times will anyone ever end up
saying it 0 times?

Lord Knows! We can only HOPE!!

When you are turning around, how far must you go to accomplish being backwards, to the opposite of what had been forwards??

zoobyshoe

Aug23-03, 09:51 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When you are turning around, how far must you go to accomplish being backwards, to the opposite of what had been forwards??

The answer is: Don't move at all.
Instead, dangle yourself from a
swinging rope and wait for the
earth to turn beneath you.

A plane leaves the ground in the
southern hemishphere headed for
a destination in the northern
hemisphere. The duration of the
flight is calculated to be five
hours based on initial distance.
Figuring in the coriolis effect,
how many small, cellophane bags
of peanuts could you stuff into
your cheeks during the flight?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug23-03, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A plane leaves the ground in the southern hemishphere headed for a destination in the northern hemisphere. The duration of the flight is calculated to be five hours based on initial distance.
Figuring in the coriolis effect, how many small, cellophane bags of peanuts could you stuff into your cheeks during the flight?
Specifically, seventeen in the oral cheeks, (I know, I tried, just got back!) Zero in the other set.

How far must you travel to get "All the way there, and back"?

Zantra

Aug23-03, 04:37 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Specifically, seventeen in the oral cheeks, (I know, I tried, just got back!) Zero in the other set.

How far must you travel to get "All the way there, and back"?

To infinity! And BEYOND!

Mr Owl, how many licks DOES it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Ivan Seeking

Aug24-03, 04:49 AM

Originally posted by Zantra
To infinity! And BEYOND!

Mr Owl, how many licks DOES it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

ONE!

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 04:54 AM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

It drives the flying saucer pilots
nuts and forces them to park in
corn fields.

Do grays lets grays pilot flying
saucers drunk?

Ivan Seeking

Aug24-03, 05:05 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It drives the flying saucer pilots
nuts and forces them to park in
corn fields.

Do grays lets grays pilot flying
saucers drunk?

They don't get drunk. They just lean to the right and then drive in circles. This is why we often observe the erratic flight patterns.

Where are their lips?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 05:32 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Where are their lips

Angelina Jolie seems to have acquired all extra lips on earth
so she is the prime suspect.

Do grays ever suffer from B.O.?

Ivan Seeking

Aug24-03, 06:28 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Where are their lips

Angelina Jolie seems to have acquired all extra lips on earth
so she is the prime suspect.

Do grays ever suffer from B.O.?

Have you seen the size of those ships? Do you know how far it is to Alpha Centauri? DUH!

The question is, how do they go number three while in flight?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 06:43 AM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
The question is, how do they go number three while in flight?

One of the advantages of being from a super evolved race is that they can hold #3 indefinitly.

When skittles are in short supply
what is a grays favorite snack food?

Sonty

Aug24-03, 10:16 AM

Cornflakes of course.

Do their women have PMS?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 10:23 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
Do their women have PMS?

Yes. It's why their men are all
looking for a new planet to set-
tle on?

Aside from human beings, what other pets do the grays enjoy
having?

Sonty

Aug24-03, 10:37 AM

Scarecrows?

Or are the scarecrows just spies?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 10:49 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
Or are the scarecrows just spies?

The scarecrows are just straight
forward scarecrows. They scare the
crows away so they don't get suck-
ed into the zeropoint energy hyper
spacewarp drives of the crop
circle craft and jam the positron
turbines.

If you were a gray and your posit-
tron turbine got jammed would you
take it to a quantuum mechanic?

FZ+

Aug24-03, 12:07 PM

No. They just bodge it together with Superstring and Supertape
.
How many Grays does it take to tranfigurate an electromagnetic boson emissive silicate capsule?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug24-03, 01:32 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
How many Grays does it take to tranfigurate an electromagnetic boson emissive silicate capsule?
Telepathetically, seventeen, in person about forty eight.
(thats what they told me)

How do you communicate with greys, when they are scared white?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 03:01 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
How many Grays does it take to tranfigurate an electromagnetic boson emissive silicate capsule?

Four:

One to whip up a batch of Ununquadium catalyst.
One to open the capsule.
One to pour the catalyst in.
And one to "burp" the lid.

If you were a gray and wondered
where your navel was, would you
look in a copy of Gray's Anato-
my?

zoobyshoe

Aug24-03, 04:13 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How do you communicate with greys, when they are scared white?

Invite them into your home for
some popcorn and an entertaining
video, say...Independence Day.

If you were a gray and wondered where your navel was would you
consult "Gray's Anatomy?"

carla

Aug25-03, 07:52 AM

Originally posted by Another God
Anything you want Buddy...

How can everyone else think of such good questions still?
(by good I mean stupid)

It's still going!!! Amazing!

Because everyone else can and I can't!

Could this thread be the great infinite nothing?[6)]

Sonty

Aug25-03, 08:57 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
If you were a gray and wondered where your navel was would you
consult "Gray's Anatomy?"

No. I would lay on my back, spit upwards and eventually the spit will end up in my navel.

At what angle should I spit?

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 09:27 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
At what angle should I spit?

Hmmmm...Let's see.

Oh, I get it! You're trying to
sucker me into the old "At what
angle should I spit?" paradox.
Well, I'm not biting.

If a dozen Grays knocked on your
door and said "Trick or Treat!"
but a quick glance at the calendar
informed you it was April Fools
Day, would you think it was an
April Fools joke, or would you
think that Grays don't know how
to read Earth calendars?

Another God

Aug25-03, 09:31 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a dozen Grays knocked on your
door and said "Trick or Treat!"
but a quick glance at the calendar
informed you it was April Fools
Day, would you think it was an
April Fools joke, or would you
think that Grays don't know how
to read Earth calendars? I'd actually be wondering what the greys were doing out of water...You know they drown if they stop swimming.

Why do i spend so long trying to think of an interesting question, when in reality, I don't even care?

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 09:36 AM

Originally posted by Another God
Why do i spend so long trying to think of an interesting question, when in reality, I don't even care?

Oh you wish you didn't care!

If four and twenty grays were baked in a pie what would they
do when the pie was opened? (Grays
don't sing.)

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug25-03, 10:17 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If four and twenty grays were baked in a pie what would they
do when the pie was opened? (Grays
don't sing.)

Jump up and exclaim "LOOK AT MY TAN MA!, WE'R BROWNS NOW!!!"

How many greys, turned brown, will fit into the Mother ship, when it is turtle egg laying season?

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 10:36 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How many greys, turned brown, will fit into the Mother ship, when it is turtle egg laying season?

Since, as is well known, the body
mass of grays increases by pre-
isely .0020098654 % during turtle
egg laying season the answer ought
to be: "Fewer than usual." However
since no one has measured the body
mass of grays-turned-brown during
turtle egg laying season, the
answer must remain a matter of
debate.

A highly polished metal ball has a
radius of 15cm. Where will it image the nose holes of a gray
positioned 23m from its surface?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug25-03, 10:40 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A highly polished metal ball has a
radius of 15cm. Where will it image the nose holes of a gray
positioned 23m from its surface?
What a 'silly question' EVERYONE KNOWS it would be side opposite, OYE!

In all of your years of experiance with the greys, have you ever known them to demonstrate stupidity? (like me!)

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 10:53 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
In all of your years of experiance with the greys, have you ever known them to demonstrate stupidity? (like me!)

Yes, consistantly. But in their
practice of consistant stupidity
they achieve an inverted form of
intelligence. This can be manipulated algebraically to make
them look as smart as Ivan Seeking
thinks they are.

When grays are not abducting
humans for laughs, what is there
preferred entertainment?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug25-03, 11:25 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When grays are not abducting
humans for laughs, what is there
preferred entertainment?
Watching (stupid) Humans on television, what else!

When the beam of light comes down from the grey's ship, to pick you up, (for a laugh) to prevent its operational function, what do you use??

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 11:35 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When the beam of light comes down from the grey's ship, to pick you up, (for a laugh) to prevent its operational function, what do you use??

My own preferred method is the
emission of hydrogen sulphide
and methane gasses. This does not
actually interfere with the beam,
but it does obviate one's desir-
ability as an object of amusement.

Given the tremendous speeds of
their craft how much does a speeding ticket set them back
when they're pulled over back on
the homeworld?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug25-03, 11:51 AM

Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
Given the tremendous speeds of
their craft how much does a speeding ticket set them back
when they're pulled over back on
the homeworld?
Well, it is a sliding scale, in their monetary funding, (of course) you pay 1/2 of the speed times the nearness of the home planet, for all tickets below C, and @ speeds in excess of C, you pay exponetial rates based upon a formula that integrates the number of times that you have been caught, the number of "Browns" on your ship, how many stupid humans you have brought along, subtended by the square root bulk modus of the gravitational force that you exerted upon the officers craft, to deccelrate, summed into the log of the quantity of fuel (In Newtons per meter Sq'd) you have left.

(About twenty bucks Canadian, thats about five bucks US?)

How much should you be charging greys, to refuel their craft?

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 12:09 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How much should you be charging greys, to refuel their craft?

It's interesting you should ask because not two weeks ago several
Grays knocked on my door asking
for some Space Fuel. I said "Come
in and we'll discuss the price."
Well, one thing lead to another
and pretty soon we were eating
microwave popcorn and watching
"Independence Day" on the VCR, and
one of them broke out some Space
Vodka, and another had some Space
Weed and pretty soon they were all
wobbly and kind of vibrated when
you looked at them, and then I
went to make some more popcorn but
when I got back they had all kind
of shriveled into these things
that looked something like deflated, gray garbage bags, so
I picked one up, stuffed all the
others into him, and carried the
whole mess out into the dumpster
and I never found out how much to
charge them for Space fuel.

Do Grays "get" the Blues?

Tsu

Aug25-03, 12:52 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It's interesting you should ask because not two weeks ago several
Grays knocked on my door asking
for some Space Fuel. I said "Come
in and we'll discuss the price."
Well, one thing lead to another
and pretty soon we were eating
microwave popcorn and watching
"Independence Day" on the VCR, and
one of them broke out some Space
Vodka, and another had some Space
Weed and pretty soon they were all
wobbly and kind of vibrated when
you looked at them, and then I
went to make some more popcorn but
when I got back they had all kind
of shriveled into these things
that looked something like deflated, gray garbage bags, so
I picked one up, stuffed all the
others into him, and carried the
whole mess out into the dumpster
and I never found out how much to
charge them for Space fuel.

Do Grays "get" the Blues?

Only when they hang out with BB (Big Bang) King. Otherwise, they're just confused by the blues.

How do you grow Space Weed?! (Zooby! I'm assuming that, since you didn't get around to pricing Space Fuel, that you also don't have a clue about the going rate for Space Weed. Did you inhale? [:D])

zoobyshoe

Aug25-03, 01:23 PM

Originally posted by Tsunami How do you grow Space Weed?! (Zooby! I'm assuming that, since you didn't get around to pricing Space Fuel, that you also don't have a clue about the going rate for Space Weed. Did you inhale? [:D])

Space weed grows by itself. The
hard part is convincing your
flying saucer commander to pull
over onto an asteroid so you can pick some.
I don't know the going rate but
when I inhaled the first puff I felt a sensation in my head like a thousand miniature versions of
Niels Bohr were singing: "De leg
bone connected to de Thigh bone...

How many miniature gray aliens
would a woodchuck upchuck if a
woodchuck chugged a bottle of
Space VodKa?[g)]

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug26-03, 10:16 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
How many miniature gray aliens would a woodchuck upchuck if a woodchuck chugged a bottle of Space VodKa?
Well the computational formula for such a consideration roughs out at, UGA = (mGaS^Svc)4/mGaEX^t1 - t2 to the log of l(a)unchtime.
Wherein,
UGA = Upchucked Grey Aliens
mGas = miniature Grey aliens Swallowed
Svc = Space Vodka consumed
mGaEX = miniature Grey aliens Excreted
and t1/t2 = time differential of dinners V excretions.

(probably about 42, but we'll wait till Mentat gets back for confirmation on that one!)

While replacing his "grav drive" (at my place) one night, a grey dropped his vaporisor gun, (so I now have that technology too) how much should the minimium bid be, on e-bay?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 10:36 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin
Parsons

While replacing his "grav drive" (at my place) one night, a grey dropped his vaporisor gun, (so I now have that technology too) how much should the minimium bid be, on e-bay?

At first I thought "My God! He's
rich!" but then I went to E-bay to
check the going rate for vaporizer
guns of grey origin only to find
they are not that rare. Depending
on condition people are setting
their minimum bids in the $3000.00
to $5000.00 range. So, it's nought
to sneer at but not what I would
have anticipated. (Greys, apparen-
tly are "butter-fingered".

If you were a grey and dropped your vaporizer somewhere what
excuse would you make up to
appease the commander of your
flying disc?

Sonty

Aug26-03, 10:47 AM

It wasn't me!

Should Mr. Parsons be afraid of the little grey's revenge?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 10:51 AM

What are you talking about? They
worship him as a god!

If you were the grey commander of
a flying disc and one of your
crew lost his vaporizor, would
you vaporize him, or make him
clean the space toilets?

Sonty

Aug26-03, 10:57 AM

I would make him close the lids on all the toilets in the universe as my God says.

If you would be a grey, you lost your vaporizor and your commander made you close the lids on every space toilet there is would you consider laser spears on your next journey?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
If you would be a grey, you lost your vaporizor and your commander made you close the lids on every space toilet there is would you consider laser spears on your next journey?

No, they are awkward to carry and
you just end up whacking your
crewmates in the head every time
you turn around.

The earth toilet was brought to
its form as we know it today
by Thomas Crapper. What is the
history of the Space Toilet?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug26-03, 07:24 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
The earth toilet was brought to its form as we know it today by Thomas Crapper. What is the history of the Space Toilet?
Apparently there is history here, as the name of the space toilet inventor is "Crapper 'Grey' Thomas", (CGT to his friends) so perhaps he, the human one, was a direct decendant of the greys, from long ago, and it simply took that long for the DNA informetery to kick into place, as to have his historical place, in history, fixed in all places, and un-flushably so!

While using a space toilet, I noticed that there was no toilet paper, what was it that the greys told me to use to wipe my (deleted!)?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 07:46 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While using a space toilet, I noticed that there was no toilet paper, what was it that the greys told me to use to wipe my (deleted!)?

You would be refering to the dw^"
=*""l*5^6 as they call it in
their evocative and amusing vern-
acular expression (pronounce it
with a slight betelgeusian twang
and you'll get the full pun).

In their culinary tradition how
many teaspoons of ground ;-0)08^|'
should be added to season a batch
of @@@^{=~<?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug26-03, 08:06 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In their culinary tradition how many teaspoons of ground ;-0)08^|' should be added to season a batch of @@@^{=~<?
They served me that @@@^{=~<?, but they never told me it had ;-0)08^|' in it, they did tell me it was made from leftovers though, so maybe the ;-0)08^|' was added only as seasoning.

How many greys did it take to serve the meal?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 08:20 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How many greys did it take to serve the meal?

I think you should be more concerned with how many greys
the meal was comprised of!
Haven't you heard the expression:
"Old Greys never die, they just taste that way."?

If you were an old Grey, and it
was getting toward...mealtime,
would you put your house in order
or "Rage, Rage against the dying
of the light..."?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug26-03, 08:29 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If you were an old Grey, and it was getting toward...mealtime, would you put your house in order or "Rage, Rage against the dying of the light..."?
That's funny they told me an "old grey" was an oxymoron. (that must be why it tasted like that, Hummmmm, yummy!!!, ooops!!! did I say that out loud??)

At what age are grey babies conceived?

zoobyshoe

Aug26-03, 08:41 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
At what age are grey babies conceived?

Grey babies are concieved at about
the age of thirty-eight. Birth
happens soon after at age fourteen
and puberty, which starts at three
months, is ongoing throughout
their lifetimes. At age twenty-
four they are able to babble a
phoneme or two but don't become
loquacious till sometime in the
second post mortem year when it's
all a mother can do to shut them
up.

Since greys have no teeth, just a
bridge of undifferentiated cart-
iledge, how do they chew their
fingernails so skillfully?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug27-03, 08:57 AM

Originally asked by The Honorary Grey, zoobyshoe
Since greys have no teeth, just a bridge of undifferentiated cart-iledge, how do they chew their fingernails so skillfully?
I called one of them, and asked, he(?) told me that they use their rectal set of dentures for fingernails trimmings.

When cleaning their dentures, the rectal set, what is employed?

zoobyshoe

Aug27-03, 09:25 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When cleaning their dentures, the rectal set, what is employed?

Only their gastro-enteroloist
knows for sure.

No one else wants to know.

A grey space alien Rabbi and a grey space alien Priest go into a
grey space alien bar. The grey
space alien bartender says "How
many fingers?", and demonstrates
two of the four on his right hand.

The grey space alien Rabbi says
"Why the long face?" and the grey
space alien Priest says "Anywhere
he wants to sit!"

Just then, a grey space alien
Minister rushes in, out of breath
and shouts "It's a cookbook!"

The grey space alien Rabbi turns
to confront the grey space alien
Minister, and, his voice dripping
with sarcasm, says...?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug27-03, 12:42 PM

Originally communicated from outer spaaaaaaaaaace
A grey space alien Rabbi and a grey space alien Priest go into a grey space alien bar. The grey space alien bartender says "How many fingers?", and demonstrates two of the four on his right hand.
The grey space alien Rabbi says "Why the long face?" and the grey space alien Priest says "Anywhere he wants to sit!"
Just then, a grey space alien Minister rushes in, out of breath and shouts "It's a cookbook!"
The grey space alien Rabbi turns to confront the grey space alien Minister, and, his voice dripping with sarcasm, says...?
Oye Vey, you look the color of a Human's "smoked meat", now sit on the fingers, eat the book, and shut up with that long face already!

How can there be grey space alien ministers, priests, and rabbi's, when the greys profess a theism that worships only one creator's word!

zoobyshoe

Aug27-03, 01:05 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How can there be grey space alien ministers, priests, and rabbi's, when the greys profess a theism that worships only one creator's word!

The solution to this apparent
contradiction lies in a glance
at the calendar that is hanging
on the wall behind the grey space
alien bar where stardate coordin-
ates clearly show it is "Imitate
an Earth Religious Authority
Figure Day."

Grey space aliens are possed of
blood pressure that measures a
monotonous systolic .077699 over
diastolic .0072311 as measured
by any observer in any coordinate
system rigid body frame of refer-
ence no matter how high the obser-
vers own blood pressure seems to
be. This being the case (BP=C)
how do greys know when they're
exited? (Incidently, their rods
aren't as short as they look. It's
the result of Lorentz shrinkage.)

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug27-03, 01:19 PM

Originally communicated from an inner space, zoobyshoe's
Grey space aliens are possed of blood pressure that measures a monotonous systolic .077699 over diastolic .0072311 as measured by any observer in any coordinate system rigid body frame of reference no matter how high the observers own blood pressure seems to be. This being the case (BP=C) how do greys know when they're exited?
(Incidently, their rods aren't as short as they look. It's the result of Lorentz shrinkage.)
Well they know that they are exited because the fornix of the cranium does a message replay to the amygdala, therein starting a function of neurotransmission that arouses the rod into a distended position that precludes any changes in BP, other then to have accelerated their hearts to a point where, had it not been for that fixed Bp, they would have imploded, by explosion, of rigid members.

Since we know that greys have very large brains, why is it that they haven't the cardiac capacity to match that?

zoobyshoe

Aug27-03, 01:42 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Since we know that greys have very large brains, why is it that they haven't the cardiac capacity to match that?

This is due to the fact that they
sustain their brains, not from
oxygen rich blood, but from Nitrous Oxide which is generated
in a bladder located north of
the uncinate gyrus and southeast
of the Hippo Campus (Hippo Univer-
sity, S.C.) all of which is inclu-
ded under the categorization The
Limbo System.

Last week some grey space aliens
knocked on my door and asked to
borrow a cup of %%k:""<`}+{oQ
I said "Hell, No!, you're all
clearly underaged! Do you think
I did the right thing?

Sonty

Aug28-03, 03:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Last week some grey space aliens
knocked on my door and asked to
borrow a cup of %%k:""<`}+{oQ
I said "Hell, No!, you're all
clearly underaged! Do you think
I did the right thing?

Probably not especially if they had their vaporizers on them. If they didn't break your molecular structure you may call yourself lucky. The grey kiddies are nowadays very vindicative. You should have taken a cup of (*&&&^%~``| and mix it with a t-spoon of *7^QVB#&@@! and give it to them. They wouldn't feel the difference because of their lack of sensory glands on the bottom of their tongue. After a few hours they all will have to go to the newly cleaned and closed space toilet and the commander and their parents would have understood they tried to drink some of that %%k:""<`}+{oQ, but a smart earthling has given them (*&&&^%~``| with *7^QVB#&@@! instead.

At what age do greys become over-aged for %%k:""<`}+{oQ?

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 08:29 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
At what age do greys become over-aged for %%k:""<`}+{oQ?

This is hotly debated. Some greys
spend their spare time accerler-
ating their flying discs to near
light speed, turning around and
accelerating back in order to
look younger than they actually
are simply to extent their %%k:""}
+{oQ priviledges past the legal
age.
Some grey space attourneys argue
that if they look younger they
areyouger.Others argue that
their priviledges should be revok-
ed simply because they tried to
cheat.
In the end, no one wishes for a
acceleration to near C velocity
more than Cher.

If I am a grey space alien parent
what signs should I look for that
my teenaged grey space alien child
has been drinking %%k:""}={oQ ?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug28-03, 09:08 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
If I am a grey space alien parent what signs should I look for that
my teenaged grey space alien child has been drinking %%k:""}={oQ ?
Change of hue, usually, a 'subtler' shade of grey.

Is it an irony, a coincidence, or a subtle hint, that the book on human anatomy, is called "Grey's anatomy"?

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 09:28 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is it an irony, a coincidence, or a subtle hint, that the book on human anatomy, is called "Grey's anatomy"?

There is a small army of ironologists, coincientalists, and
hintalogians devoting every waking moment to this very question
behind closed doors and under hea-
vy guard at area 51. The President
himself, calls impatiently, on a
regular basis to ask "Well? Is it
a cookbook?"

A few months ago a gaggle of grey
space aliens knocked on my door
and asked if I'd heard the Word of
Parson's. I said, "Don't you mean
`Parsons"? Why the possessive and
incorrect possessive at that?"
They were astonished that I could
hear the difference and withdrew
quickly in fear.
Should I report them to Religious
Authorities or to the Grammar
division of the Men In Black?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug28-03, 12:24 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A few months ago a gaggle of grey space aliens knocked on my door and asked if I'd heard the Word ofParson's. I said, "Don't you mean `Parsons"? Why the possessive and incorrect possessive at that?" They were astonished that I could hear the difference and withdrew quickly in fear.
Should I report them to Religious Authorities or to the Grammar division of the Men In Black?
None of the above, as my first name is Robin (the Hood) Parsons, and my band of 'merry' men, will be around, shortly, to rectify this problem.

How come evey time zoobyshoe, and myself, meet with greys, neither of us collects any proof of their existance as to be able demonstrate it to all of the rest of you?
(conspiracy thoeries abound, we want the truth!)

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 02:25 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How come evey time zoobyshoe, and myself, meet with greys, neither of us collects any proof of their existance as to be able demonstrate it to all of the rest of you?
(conspiracy thoeries abound, we want the truth!)

Who are you talkin' to?

Are you talking to me?

Well, there's nobody else in this
thread so you must be talkin' to me!

Speaking of Robert DeNiro: Is it
true that Ivan Seeking once posted
a thread in M & P S containg a
link to a newsstory in which a
grey space alien single mother
claimed Mr. DeNiro was the God-
father of her baby and was suing
him for failure to protect the
child from the talking Mr.Ed head
wrapped in newspaper that they had
recieved as change when driving
through a tollbooth?

Tsu

Aug28-03, 02:44 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Who are you talkin' to?

Are you talking to me?

Well, there's nobody else in this
thread so you mustbe talkin' to me!

Speaking of Robert DeNiro: Is it
true that Ivan Seeking once posted
a thread in M & P S containg a
link to a newsstory in which a
grey space alien single mother
claimed Mr. DeNiro was the God-
father of her baby and was suing
him for failure to protect the
child from the talking Mr.Ed head
wrapped in newspaper that they had
recieved as change when driving
through a tollbooth?

Yes and no.

Why DON'T Zooby and RP collect evidence of the greys? Are they PART of the conspiracy theory??? Especially Zooby!! Being an Honorary Grey Space Alien and all... How'd you GET that title, Zoob? Did you bribe them with marshmallows or maybe a cup of %%k:""<`}+{oQ?

Ivan Seeking

Aug28-03, 02:46 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Who are you talkin' to?

Are you talking to me?

Well, there's nobody else in this
thread so you must be talkin' to me!

Speaking of Robert DeNiro: Is it
true that Ivan Seeking once posted
a thread in M & P S containg a
link to a newsstory in which a
grey space alien single mother
claimed Mr. DeNiro was the God-
father of her baby and was suing
him for failure to protect the
child from the talking Mr.Ed head
wrapped in newspaper that they had
recieved as change when driving
through a tollbooth?

No. It was Nero, not DeNiro.

Do we now know the true lineage of the Honorary Grey Space Alien???

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 03:27 PM

Originally posted by Tsunami
Why DON'T Zooby and RP collect evidence of the greys? Are they PART of the conspiracy theory??? Especially Zooby!! Being an Honorary Grey Space Alien and all... How'd you GET that title, Zoob? Did you bribe them with marshmallows or maybe a cup of %%k:""<`}+{oQ?

Me stoop to bribery? It
was gross flattery.

Nero, that's right! I had them
confused because they're both
well known War Of 1812 buffs.

In a link to a news article posted
in M & PS by Ivan Seeking a woman
in Taterberg, Idaho reported that
her lawn was routinly cut by grey
space aliens without her permis
sion, and that they were gathering
the clippings and stuffing them
into her septic tank. She hoped
that by talking to the press she
could encourage any others with
the same problem to come forward.
However, no one has. What steps
should she take now, to handle
this problem?

Tsu

Aug28-03, 03:42 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Me stoop to bribery? It
was gross flattery.

How gross was it?

Nero, that's right! I had them
confused because they're both
well known War Of 1812 buffs.

You are SO amazing! How many people KNOW this kind of stuff?

In a link to a news article posted
in M & PS by Ivan Seeking a woman
in Taterberg, Idaho reported that
her lawn was routinly cut by grey
space aliens without her permis
sion, and that they were gathering
the clippings and stuffing them
into her septic tank. She hoped
that by talking to the press she
could encourage any others with
the same problem to come forward.
However, no one has. What steps
should she take now, to handle
this problem?

Um... Grey Space Alien Roto Rooter? Hey! How'd they stuff those grass clippings in the septic tank, anyway? Wouldn't that be kinda hard to do -- unless maybe they're Changlings? Hey! Zooby! Are you a Changling (too?)?

Tsu

Aug28-03, 03:44 PM

Sorry I ask so many stupid quetions. I'm just very inquisitive.

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 04:02 PM

Originally posted by Tsunami

You are SO amazing! How many people KNOW this kind of stuff?

I pick this info up from Herman J.
Swivlschuck's well researched masterpiece: Nero and DeNiro:The Similarities

Um... Grey Space Alien Roto Rooter? Hey! How'd they stuff those grass clippings in the septic tank, anyway? Wouldn't that be kinda hard to do -- unless maybe they're Changlings? Hey! Zooby! Are you a Changling (too?)?

I am a mere Zooby.

In a link to an article posted by
Ivan Seeking in M & PS local auth-
orities in Cornhile, Nebraska are
puzzled by reports of silo-tipping
being carried out at night by what
appear to be flying discs. A later
story, however, reported the arrest of local teenager Bubba-Bob
Jackson, who was apprehended in
the act of perpetrating a silo-
tipping by means of a length of
rope, a board, and a Frisbee. Why
wasn't this follow up story ever
posted in M & PS?

Ivan Seeking

Aug28-03, 09:03 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I am a mere Zooby.

Not just mere Zooby; the shoe of the Zooby. The reeeeally big Shooo.

In a link to an article posted by
Ivan Seeking in M & PS local auth-
orities in Cornhile, Nebraska are
puzzled by reports of silo-tipping
being carried out at night by what
appear to be flying discs. A later
story, however, reported the arrest of local teenager Bubba-Bob
Jackson, who was apprehended in
the act of perpetrating a silo-
tipping by means of a length of
rope, a board, and a Frisbee. Why
wasn't this follow up story ever
posted in M & PS?

See attachment for your answer. [It may take some time to appear]
Is Zooby being mind controlled by blue aliens who only make him think he is a gray?

zoobyshoe

Aug28-03, 09:37 PM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Is Zooby being mind controlled by blue aliens who only make him think he is a gray?

{See attachment for answer.}
{It may take a while to show up}
{So don't hold your breath}

In M & PS Ivan Seeking posted a
link to a news story concerning
a man who claimed to have woken
up one morning to find a crop
circle had formed during the
night in his pubic hair. Photos
of the phenomenon show the hairs
laid down in a neat circular pattern about 7/8 of an inch in
diameter. Arguments against it
being a hoax won many points when
several high ranking physics
students using the traditional
hoaxer's tools of a board and a
rope were unable to reproduce the
phenomenon.

Although undoubedly of extra-terr-
estrial origin, is the term "crop
circle" really accurate in this
situation?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug29-03, 08:32 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Although undoubedly of extra-terrestrial origin, is the term "crop circle" really accurate in this situation?
Sorta, I told them that the right way to do it was "cutting" it, that way it's a "cropped circle"!

What do "greys" do, when the meet "blues"?

zoobyshoe

Aug29-03, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do "greys" do, when the meet "blues"?

As stated earlier "greys" don't
"get" the "blues" unless BB (Big
Bang) king is there to translate.
Otherwise the "blues" just confuse
them.

The film Close Encounters Of
The Third Kind disseminated
the information that mashed pot-
tato sculpture was an excellent
mnemonic device for recalling
deeply imbedded grey space alien
information. I'm curious if anyone
knows what effect, if any, this
had on potato sales in the years
since the film was released?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Aug29-03, 12:13 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
The film Close Encounters Of The Third Kind disseminated the information that mashed potato sculpture was an excellent mnemonic device for recalling deeply imbedded grey space alien information. I'm curious if anyone knows what effect, if any, this had on potato sales in the years since the film was released?
Well if it did, it is a misnomer, as it is really "Carolina Spring Beauties" (the 'Ground nut' from those) that is actually the mnemonic device that works, and those kind of 'spuds' simply are not sold anywhere. You would need to go out into the forest and collect them for yourselves. (yes! they are yummy!)

Does the grey's spacecraft, the one parked out in area 51, have it's parking brake set??

P.S. zoobyshoe, do you have any more of that %%k:""<`}, could you fax me some of it (or e-mail it, I don't care how I get my hands on it) cause last time I imbibed in some I had such wild dreams I actually thought that the marshmellow worms, on the marshmellow farms, were really just bales of hay wrapped in a plastic membrane that allowed them to dry, and the the giant marshmellows themselves were simply single bales wrapped similarily. WOW!! what a "ride" that was, so if you still have some LEMME KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Thanks

zoobyshoe

Aug29-03, 12:48 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Does the grey's spacecraft, the one parked out in area 51, have it's parking brake set??

An extensively trained team of the
most skilled decelerationists, re-
tardologists, and dawdlers is at
work at this moment teasing the
answer to your question out of the
phenomenally intricate mechanisms,
a quest that has been complicated further by the inadvertant spil-
lage of a soft drink.

P.S. zoobyshoe, do you have any more of that %%k:""<`}, could you fax me some of it (or e-mail it, I don't care how I get my hands on it) cause last time I imbibed in some I had such wild dreams I actually thought that the marshmellow worms, on the marshmellow farms, were really just bales of hay wrapped in a plastic membrane that allowed them to dry, and the the giant marshmellows themselves were simply single bales wrapped similarily. WOW!! what a "ride" that was, so if you still have some LEMME KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Thanks

Go into any grey space alien bar,
ask to see "Mr. Plismo". They'll
know what you mean.

zoobyshoe

Aug29-03, 05:17 PM

Next Question:

In 1905 an unknown German/Swiss
patent examiner published a
a physics theory based, in part,
on the absurd stipulation of two
bolts of lightning simultaneously
striking a railroad track at
regular, predictable intervals,
and whose simultaneity could be
proven given the possession of two identical clocks keeping precisely
the same time.

What quantity of %%k;""]+[oQ would
the average earthling need to
drink before all individual light-
nig bolts appeared to be two
simultaneous events and all clocks
appeared to be two perfectly
synchronized clocks?

Tsu

Aug29-03, 10:20 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
P.S. zoobyshoe, do you have any more of that %%k:""<`}, could you fax me some of it (or e-mail it, I don't care how I get my hands on it) cause last time I imbibed in some I had such wild dreams I actually thought that the marshmellow worms, on the marshmellow farms, were really just bales of hay wrapped in a plastic membrane that allowed them to dry, and the the giant marshmellows themselves were simply single bales wrapped similarily. WOW!! what a "ride" that was, so if you still have some LEMME KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Thanks

Um, Mr. Robin Parsons, I don't think that was a dream. I've seen such marshmallow farms somewhere outside Texarkana (sometimes called Arken-***). And I think there's a Great Flags somewhere close by. I've heard that they sell %%k:""<`} there (at Great Flags) but you'll have to check it out yourself, cuz I'm not touching that stuff! Haven't you seen that commercial where they scramble an egg saying 'this is your brain on drugs'? Don't go there, RP. It's a damn ugly picture!!
REMEMBER!! JUST SAY NO!!!

Tsu

Aug29-03, 10:22 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Next Question:

What quantity of %%k;""]+[oQ would
the average earthling need to
drink before all individual light-
nig bolts appeared to be two
simultaneous events and all clocks
appeared to be two perfectly
synchronized clocks?

Don't know, Zoob, but I think YOU'VE had quite enough!!

Sonty

Aug31-03, 10:57 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What quantity of %%k;""]+[oQ would
the average earthling need to
drink before all individual light-
nig bolts appeared to be two
simultaneous events and all clocks
appeared to be two perfectly
synchronized clocks?

The important thing here is that "all" lightnings and "all" clocks must appear as "two". First of all an average earthling can never do this. It must be a man who repairs clocks for a living and those clocks will be symbols for the eternal fight between good and evil in his mind. Now, after about 20 years of work in this field it wouldn't take very much %%k;""]+[oQ to achieve this sensation. The part with the lightinings on the other hand is a hole different fish soup. He'd have to walk along a railroad, at midnight, with a dead cat in the right hand and a live rooster in his left, to swing the cat over his head and throw the rooster over the fence of a graveyard. In the effort he would have to slip and hit his head against a rock. Now a train would have to pass and blind him with its lights. he will now see the dead cat rise up and run for exactly 66.6 meters where it would be hit by two simultaneous lightnings.
At least this is what my Future Analyzer says. Unfortuantely it has a problem. When I came back from the door where the commander of the GSS Borky27 handed it to me as a thank you for letting them use my private distillery to prepare some 100 liters of %%k;""]+[oQ (deh! it was the birthday of the commander's son), I got distracted by the sudden noise of the ship flying by, I tripped and I droped the Future Analyzer. Since then it doesn't show the numbers clearly. i guess a few cristals are broken. I think it says something like 420, 428, 42.0 or 42.8. And there's another problem: the units are all screwed up. I think it shows the result in "fr."

How much is 1fr. in earth units and what's the name of this fr. unit?

zoobyshoe

Aug31-03, 11:26 AM

Originally posted by Sonty
How much is 1fr. in earth units and what's the name of this fr. unit?

1fr.in earth units is equal to 17
metric seconds. This fr. unit (the
one you were specifically refer-
ing to) is named "Bob".

In M & PS Ivan Seeking posted a
link to a news story about a man
in Mareston, Wyoming who, upon
investigating a strange noise one
night found a group of Grey space
aliens out on his patio eating his
cat's food. Reporters quoted the
man as having said, "At least they
weren't eating the cat."

Do grey space aliens ever actually
eat cats?

Sonty

Aug31-03, 12:05 PM

Why do you think they blast them with two simultaneous lightnings? Roast - good. Bloody - not so good, but it quiets down the hunger.

How many Honorary Grey Space Aliens does it take to take down a cat by striking it with 2 simultaneous lightnings? Is it really worth it?

zoobyshoe

Aug31-03, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by Sonty
How many Honorary Grey Space Aliens does it take to take down a cat by striking it with 2 simultaneous lightnings? Is it really worth it?

Honorary grey space aliens only
hurl simultaneous lightning bolts
at Erwin Schrodinger. We like to
make him dance.

In M & PS Ivan Seeking posted a
link to a newsstory about a boy
in Lotsahoochi, Florida who wit-
nessed a flying disc abduct a
gator that was sunning itself on
a sand bar in a river. As if in
exchange, the disc deposited three
disoriented nuns in the gators
place.

Why would the grey space aliens
rather have a gator than a nun?

Ivan Seeking

Aug31-03, 03:33 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Why would the grey space aliens
rather have a gator than a nun?

Abducted nuns often come with dirty habbits.

What are the qualities of the new alien-gator hybrids?

zoobyshoe

Aug31-03, 04:43 PM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
What are the qualities of the new alien-gator hybrids?

They look just like aliens, but
they know how to make mud nests.

In M & PS Ivan Seeking posted a
link to a article in which a
Utah man complained of nightly
visits from grey space aliens who
were interfering with his live-
stock by teaching them table man-
ners. He said he was no longer
able to get them to eat out of
a trough.
What other advanced knowledge is
being disseminated in secret by
this superior race?

Tsu

Aug31-03, 05:14 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
They look just like aliens, but
they know how to make mud nests.

In M & PS Ivan Seeking posted a
link to a article in which a
Utah man complained of nightly
visits from grey space aliens who
were interfering with his live-
stock by teaching them table man-
ners. He said he was no longer
able to get them to eat out of
a trough.
What other advanced knowledge is
being disseminated in secret by
this superior race?

Probably how to party with Boozy Hoes!

What is the true meaning of Boozy Hoes?

zoobyshoe

Aug31-03, 10:15 PM

Originally posted by Tsunami
What is the true meaning of Boozy Hoes?

That kind of insight can only be
acquired after you go hype a gnu.
Which isn't as easy as it sounds.

Is it true that in M & PS Ivan
Seeking posted a link to an
article in which an early morning
surfer in Venice, Ca. was reported
to have been arrested for disord-
erly behaviour and foul language
which he attributed to having had
his wave stolen by a grey space
alien on a longboard?

Ivan Seeking

Sep1-03, 01:13 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
That kind of insight can only be
acquired after you go hype a gnu.
Which isn't as easy as it sounds.

Is it true that in M & PS Ivan
Seeking posted a link to an
article in which an early morning
surfer in Venice, Ca. was reported
to have been arrested for disord-
erly behaviour and foul language
which he attributed to having had
his wave stolen by a grey space
alien on a longboard?

Ya right Boozy Hoes. Like a 4ft, 50LB grey would use a longboard.

What is the exact difference between a Boozy Hoe and a grey?
[gnu hyping does not count!]

zoobyshoe

Sep1-03, 01:47 AM

Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
What is the exact difference between a Boozy Hoe and a grey?
[gnu hyping does not count!]
Boozy Hoes don't surf.

In the skys over the English Chan-
nel in 1944, B-17 pilot Chuck
Brunell 25, of Winterburn Minne-
sota witnessed a spectacular dis-
play of the legendary "Foo Fight-
er" lights when they whooshed in
front of his crippled and burning
plane and spelled out the words:
"Your turn signal is on!"

What are the signifigant
differences between a "Foo-
Fighter" and a "Flying Disc"?

Tsu

Sep1-03, 02:14 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Boozy Hoes don't surf.

In the skys over the English Chan-
nel in 1944, B-17 pilot Chuck
Brunell 25, of Winterburn Minne-
sota witnessed a spectacular dis-
play of the legendary "Foo Fight-
er" lights when they whooshed in
front of his crippled and burning
plane and spelled out the words:
"Your turn signal is on!"

What are the signifigant
differences between a "Foo-
Fighter" and a "Flying Disc"?

Flying discs don't have turn signals (or horns for that matter - can't hear 'em in space).

If Boozy Hoes don't surf, how the heck can they have any fun? Do they at least water ski?

zoobyshoe

Sep1-03, 03:05 AM

Originally posted by Tsunami
If Boozy Hoes don't surf, how the heck can they have any fun? Do they at least water ski?
They enjoy listening to Lieder,
especially Schubert, while they
groom each other and eat the lice.

Several months ago my doorbell
rang while I was in the shower.
Figuring it was probably the usu-
al grey space alien %%k;""}+{oQ
pedlers I ignored it. Later I
found a note attached to the door
that said "I know what you did
last summer."

What had I done and how did they
know?

Tsu

Sep1-03, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
They enjoy listening to Lieder,
especially Schubert, while they
groom each other and eat the lice.

Several months ago my doorbell
rang while I was in the shower.
Figuring it was probably the usu-
al grey space alien %%k;""}+{oQ
pedlers I ignored it. Later I
found a note attached to the door
that said "I know what you did
last summer."

What had I done and how did they
know?

You donned your Honorary Grey Space Alien suit and went surfing on a longboard - which is how this grey/longboard confusion got started in the first place. Now, it appears, mass hysteria is setting in and there are increased 'sightings' - unless you had just a little too much %%k;""}+{oQ to drink and did it again THIS summer - leading to this latest sighting. They know this because THEY KNOW EVERYTHING!!

HOW do they know everything?

selfAdjoint

Sep1-03, 12:43 PM

Because the complement of everything is nothing, and they don't know nothing, so by contrapositive...

Could this thread be called the result of little grey matter?

zoobyshoe

Sep2-03, 12:20 AM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
Because the complement of everything is nothing, and they don't know nothing, so by contrapositive...
This answer demonstrates an above
average insight into the grey
space alien mentality

Could this thread be called the result of little grey matter?
It's funny you should ask because
if you translate the phrase "lit-
tle grey matter" into the grey
space alien language you get:"=**
$@6^^^}^^#oL***@)>", which, you
will immediately recognize, is a
triple pun if you emphasize the
seventh, instead of the fifth,
syllable. So the answer is yes.

In the most recent issue of
True UFO magazine a letter
from Doris and Sidney Munsen, of
Gobehinder, Arkansas laments the
dissapearance of their pet swine,
Horace and Sandra, who disappeared
one night, after the Munsen's had
observed strange lights in the
evening sky. The Munsens were
writing to appeal to all regular
abductees to be on the lookout
for the pigs during their next
abduction experiences and to ap-
peal to them to come home.

Why is it the Munsens were so sure
the Horace and Sandra had left
voluntarily?

FZ+

Sep2-03, 07:31 AM

Because Horace and Sandra were no normal pigs, but the product of years of secret government research to create what we may term "the Super Soldier". As a result of gene manipulation and bionic enhancements, these have gained the ability to hack into computer networks, dodge bullets, fly, hold high offices in the US government as well to leave nicely handwritten notes to their owners on departure.

What sort of mad fiend would create such foul abominations?

zoobyshoe

Sep2-03, 10:41 AM

Originally posted by FZ+
What sort of mad fiend would create such foul abominations?
Clearly, the mad fiend behind this
kind of enterprise would require
and underground lair of immense
capacity well stocked with all the
latest mad fiend technology. He
would be the kind of mad fiend
who surrounds himself with "hench-
men". He probably can't get enough
of "henchmen". Preferably ones of
decidedly inferior intellect,
whenever possible. He would be the
kind of mad fiend who, born with-
out any particular vocal tics or
strange "signature" habits of his
own would adopt some. He would,
worst of all, not be above mental
cruelty to animals: witness the
names he inflicted on the poor
porcine duo.

In the Christmas issue of True
UFO magazine Christmas Eve
abuctee Christopher Swezey, 37, of
Sheepshear, New Zealand, relates
to readers how every Christmas
Eve he and his sister Charlotte
used to be abducted from their
rural home by unseen beings and
taken to a large departement store
in London where they were permit-
ted by these beings to play with
wonderful toys of every kind unill
sunup when they were whisked back
to their beds.

Is their anything grey space
aliens won't sink to for a little
positive P.R.?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep2-03, 04:46 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Clearly, the mad fiend behind this kind of enterprise would require and underground lair of immense capacity well stocked with all the latest mad fiend technology. He would be the kind of mad fiend who surrounds himself with "henchmen". He probably can't get enough of "henchmen". Preferably ones of decidedly inferior intellect, whenever possible. He would be the kind of mad fiend who, born without any particular vocal tics or strange "signature" habits of his
own would adopt some. He would, worst of all, not be above mental cruelty to animals: witness the names he inflicted on the poor porcine duo. Dang! think Ya found me out have ya?, Heh heh heh!!!!

In the Christmas issue of True UFO magazine Christmas Eve abuctee Christopher Swezey, 37, of Sheepshear, New Zealand, relates to readers how every Christmas Eve he and his sister Charlotte used to be abducted from their rural home by unseen beings and taken to a large departement store in London where they were permitted by these beings to play with wonderful toys of every kind unill sunup when they were whisked backto their beds.

Is their anything grey space aliens won't sink to for a little positive P.R.?
Yes, actual/substantive proof of them having been here, actual sex, (if you only knew, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!) rather then just that probative stuff, and telling me the damn keycode for the spacecraft!

When flying an grey alien spacecraft, is it bad manners to ask you host to pay for the fuel?

zoobyshoe

Sep2-03, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Yes, actual/substantive proof of them having been here, actual sex, (if you only knew, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!) rather then just that probative stuff, and telling me the damn keycode for the spacecraft!
You're still quite high, aren't
you!

When flying an grey alien spacecraft, is it bad manners to ask you host to pay for the fuel?
Although it certainly reflects
well on you that you ask, the av-
erage grey space alien has no con-
cept of manners that could be as-
saulted by any word or action on
your part. Likewise, they have no
monetary system, and no conception
that anything must be paid for
beyond what we tell them. To the
extent they tend to expropriate
fuel by whatever means is at hand
it is better not to complicate
things by suggesting there is any
protocol they should be observing.

In the March 1999 issue of True
UFO magazine an interview with
an anonymous informant who called
the magazine from behind closed
doors at the Pentagon revealed
among other astonishing facts,
that, in the year 2000 the reins
of the government were to be hand-
ed over to grey space alien high
command as the result of an unfor-
tunate hand in a pokergame. What
remarkable turn of events prevent-
ed this transfer from ever occur-
ing?

FZ+

Sep2-03, 06:34 PM

They realised we were offering the governance of Earth, not Irtx as they had previously assumed.

Why do all aliens speak english?

zoobyshoe

Sep2-03, 07:48 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
Why do all aliens speak english?
Que? Que dices? Lo siento, no
comprendo.

When going bowling with grey space
alien companions do yours prefer
to be the pins or the balls?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep3-03, 12:20 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When going bowling with grey space alien companions do yours prefer to be the pins or the balls?
Ha Ha funny guy, EVERYONE KNOWS grey aliens don't bowl!

Last time I was out bowling, with the grey aliens, one of them asked me if it was possible for a human to replicate with a grey, so, is it possible?

J-Man

Sep3-03, 10:54 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Last time I was out bowling, with the grey aliens, one of them asked me if it was possible for a human to replicate with a grey, so, is it possible?
No, their DNA is made of M&Ms. (The alien's DNA that is, we all know human DNA is made from cardboard.)

What would happen if I didn't ask a quetion involving aliens?

zoobyshoe

Sep3-03, 11:21 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
What would happen if I didn't ask a quetion involving aliens?
My guess is that interest in the
thread might pick up considerably,
it might return to being an ent-
tertaining game, and humanity in
general might evolve to the next
level. So everyone, please, do
your best to make sure none of
that happens.

In the Jan. 2001 issue of Com-
pletely Unbiased and Documented
Ghost Stories Magazine Herb
Stillweather of Shingleshack, Iowa
reported having been visited by
the apparition of his dead ancest-
or Caleb "Injun Joe" Stillweather
who taught Herb how to tell where
to dig for underground springs
using two bent pieces of coat-
hanger and a quartz crystal sus-
pended from a silver chain. Using
these devices Herb was able to
calculate the exact number of grey
space aliens that can fit into a
phone booth after having
swallowed their capacity of gold
fish. Given these documented facts
what is the exact species of tree
found in the wood pulp that makes
up the cardboard of which Human
DNA is comprised?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep4-03, 12:28 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In the Jan. 2001 issue of Completely Unbiased and Documented Ghost Stories Magazine Herb Stillweather of Shingleshack, Iowa reported having been visited by the apparition of his dead ancestor Caleb "Injun Joe" Stillweather who taught Herb how to tell where to dig for underground springs using two bent pieces of coathanger and a quartz crystal suspended from a silver chain. Using these devices Herb was able to calculate the exact number of grey space aliens that can fit into a phone booth after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish. Given these documented facts what is the exact species of tree found in the wood pulp that makes up the cardboard of which Human DNA is comprised?
A composite of Larch, Pine, and Stripped Maple, for the stiffness, the suppleness, and the taste! (respectively)
(Zoobyshoe, where do you get your sources? WOW what quetions!)

So how many grey aliens can fit into a phone booth, after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish, and how many pre-fish?

zoobyshoe

Sep4-03, 01:59 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So how many grey aliens can fit into a phone booth, after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish, and how many pre-fish?
I have checked, double checked,and
triple checked the article and no-
where does it actually give the
numbers Herb Stillweather came up
with. This is a disapointment
given the extrordinary usefullness
that information could have to
anyone contemplating the use of a
phone booth as a dual purpose
storage unit for grey space aliens
and goldfish.

In the July 2002 issue of Com-
pletely Unbiased and Documented
Ghost Stories Magazine, Mr.
Bauder B. Bauder, 39, of Sinkwaste
New Jersy reported that his house
seemed to have become the gather-
ing place of several pernicious
poltergeists who were manifesting
themselves by dressing him in wom-
an's clothing while he slept. He
further reported that on one oc-
casion they drove him to a motel
and handcuffed him to a toilet.
Using these troubling personal
experiences as a premise Bauder
penned his first novel The
Sinkwaste Incident soon to be
published by Completely Un-
biased And Documented Ghost Stor-
ies Press. With these facts in
hand how many grey space aliens
can a goldfish swallow after hav-
ing stared at them long enough to
collapse their wave function?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep4-03, 02:50 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
In the July 2002 issue of Completely Unbiased and Documented Ghost Stories Magazine, Mr. Bauder B. Bauder, 39, of Sinkwaste New Jersy reported that his house seemed to have become the gathering place of several pernicious poltergeists who were manifesting themselves by dressing him in woman's clothing while he slept. He further reported that on one occasion they drove him to a motel and handcuffed him to a toilet.
Using these troubling personal experiences as a premise Bauder penned his first novel The Sinkwaste Incident soon to be published by Completely Unbiased And Documented Ghost Stories Press. With these facts in hand how many grey space aliens can a goldfish swallow after having stared at them long enough to collapse their wave function?
Completely irrelevant, I talked to Mr. Bauder, just the other day, and he told me that he had made up the entire event history, and was doing all of it simply to counteract the good PR that the greys have been achieving from this sites running humor sphere. That said, the goldfish told me that the staring required to collapse the greys wavefunction was an indirect property of the disproportinate ability of said fishes to breath nitrogen out of water, hence the number of greys swallowed by any given goldfish in any given amount of time is still indeterminant as the gold fish have adamantly refused to suffuse themselve with nitrogen, (causes them to laugh to hard and they then swallow water)

How much "nitrogen" (NO2) does it take to make a grey laugh?

zoobyshoe

Sep4-03, 03:19 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How much"nitrogen"(NO2) does it take to make a grey laugh?
Not much at all. As soon as one
inhales some and it begins to
react with the moisture in his
body to become nitric acid his
companions begin to laugh uproar-
iously and the prank they've play-
ed on him. It is their cruel way
of saying he should have known the
difference between NO2
and N2O.

Last night the doorbell rang and
it was yet another grey space
alien asking me if I'd heard the
"Word of Parsons". I told him that
there were times I was in direct
communication with "Parsons" and
did not need his grey space alien
interpretation of information that
was available to me on a first
hand basis. He called me a "blas-
phemer" and stormed back to his
bicycle. I noticed he was riding
an excellent brand new Pugeot. It
reminded me that every time I've
seen a grey on a bike it was a
Peugeot.

What is it about French technology
that so attracts their interest?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep4-03, 05:29 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Last night the doorbell rang and it was yet another grey space alien asking me if I'd heard the "Word of Parsons". I told him that there were times I was in direct communication with "Parsons" and did not need his grey space alien interpretation of information that was available to me on a firsthand basis. He called me a "blasphemer" and stormed back to his bicycle. I noticed he was riding an excellent brand new Pugeot. It reminded me that every time I've seen a grey on a bike it was a Peugeot.
What is it about French technology that so attracts their interest?
There ancient historical ties to the region, as evidenced by many a feature of French living, the eating of snails, the drinking of red wine, (without whining, the grey's have a hard time with that one) that Eiffel Tower thing blew them away for technological advancement, (in it's time) the eating of cheeses and pate foie gras, and most importantly French women! (they love ea...Oooops, wrong age limit)

Just got in a note from the greys, (talk about your mail at the "speed of thought!!") about you zoobyshoe, they want to know why, when quoted them about the "Word of Parsons", you dropped the "the", they told me they said; "The Word of The Parsons" and insisted that this is an extremely important ommision on your part, so can anyone tell me why zoobyshoe dropped the 'the'??

zoobyshoe

Sep6-03, 04:39 AM

Your scurrilous informants are
grossly distorting the facts and
are clearly on a mission of unmit-
igated obfuscation. Reviewing the
surveillance tapes I routinely
make when answering the door I
find that the exact words used by
this knave were:"The a have the
you the heard the word a of the an Parsons?" This is the sort of
thing that typically results when
they try to verbally reproduce the
English language instead of beam-
ing it telepathically into one's
mind.
The problem arises from the fact
that no articles, definite or in-
definite, exist in their native
tongue and they remain completely
confused as to their proper usage.
The result is this "shotgun" style
of article usage whereby they
throw articles into a sentence
with abandon in the vain hope at
least one or two will accidently
be correct.
Insofar as I politely ignored this gramatical error on his part and
reported only what I knew him to
be meaning to say, instead of
taking the opportunity to mock his
lack of expertise, I find it unac-
ceptable of him and the others to
be E-mailing you with reports of
omissions on my part.
If you actually exert any influ-
ence on these demented evangelists
you will warn them of my stock of
putrid, fermenting tomatos.

Quetion: In the June '92 issue of
Completely Unbiased And Docu-
mented Ghost Stories Mr. J.
Kemp, 45, of Slopshire on Turditch
England, reported having been vis-
ited by the spritual remnants of
King Richard III, whom he recog-
nised by his "bunchback" and limp.

In the next months issue a reader
asked why he was so sure it was
the actual King rather than the
statistically more probable ghost
of one of the hundreds of actors
who had portrayed him in the cent-
uries since the Bard of Avon first
staged the tyrants history. Kemp's
response, given in a telephone
interview was documented to be:
"Well, I could tell, is all."

Given these unbiased facts, trans-
late the following 1940's hard-
boiled slang into the language of
your choice: "Squeeze the smudge
plug, salt knuckles, or I'll ply
my father's trade on the mooney
may-bob, here!"

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep7-03, 02:30 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Your scurrilous informants are grossly distorting the facts and are clearly on a mission of unmitigated obfuscation. Reviewing the surveillance tapes I routinely make when answering the door I find that the exact words used by this knave were:"The a have the you the heard the word a of the an Parsons?" This is the sort of thing that typically results when they try to verbally reproduce the English language instead of beaming it telepathically into one's mind.
The problem arises from the fact that no articles, definite or indefinite, exist in their native tongue and they remain completely confused as to their proper usage. The result is this "shotgun" style
of article usage whereby they throw articles into a sentence with abandon in the vain hope at least one or two will accidently be correct. Insofar as I politely ignored this gramatical error on his part and reported only what I knew him to be meaning to say, instead of taking the opportunity to mock his lack of expertise, I find it unacceptable of him and the others to be E-mailing you with reports of
omissions on my part. If you actually exert any influence on these demented evangelists you will warn them of my stock of putrid, fermenting tomatos.

Quetion: In the June '92 issue of Completely Unbiased And Docu-
mented Ghost Stories Mr. J. Kemp, 45, of Slopshire on Turditch
England, reported having been visited by the spritual remnants of
King Richard III, whom he recognised by his "bunchback" and limp.
In the next months issue a reader asked why he was so sure it was the actual King rather than the statistically more probable ghost of one of the hundreds of actors who had portrayed him in the centuries since the Bard of Avon first staged the tyrants history. Kemp's
response, given in a telephone interview was documented to be: "Well, I could tell, is all."
Given these unbiased facts, translate the following 1940's hardboiled slang into the language of your choice: "Squeeze the smudge plug, salt knuckles, or I'll ply my father's trade on the mooney may-bob, here!"
Zoobyshoe, you deserve a medal, as in we need to "Squeeze the smudge plug" (Pull the stopper out of the Piggy bank) for your adroit, and adept, ability to see through the writtings on these pages!
You were right on target, with them, for that "The Parsons" thingimeebopper as it refers to "The Priests" (the persons who are known to be so honest as to be seen as 'truthfull') as that is actually the meaning of the word 'Parson', (with "Parsons" simply as the plural) and clearly, zoobyshoe, you figured out that it had A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y nothing to do with me, and the fact that, my last name, is "Parsons", too. TANKS
So with that, here's a plate of "salt knuckles" (pigs feet) raised to you and we will see that you 'Ply your daddies trade on the mooney maybob" (follow in your dad's footsteps in the moonlight of the fall apple festivals), no doubt interviewing another one of you highly imaginative subjects, telling of their Grey encounters.

So the quetion remains, how many greys does it take, to award zoobyshoe his medal for proving that "Freedom of Speech" is alive, and well, (and living within him) in a glorious, and upriorious manner!!??

P.S. as for their telepathic messages to me, they apparently are going to stop that as they have agreed that such rumors should not be circulated about me, given peoples inventive, and willing, nature, with respect to lieing, and gossip, and the reputational damage such things can incur......they told me they might try resumeing it with zoobyshoe, (heck, zoob's the Honorary member, so look there next........ C:\Ya!)

zoobyshoe

Sep8-03, 03:49 AM

Originally babbled by Mr. Robin Parsons:So the quetion remains, how many greys does it take, to award zoobyshoe his medal...

This involves tedious logorhythms,
Napier's Constant type jitterbug-
ging, with alot of cubed roots
and other migrainogenic calculus.
Just remember: putrid and
fermenting tomatos.

In the 1947 Film Gris clas-
sic, The Thin Gray Disc ac-
tor Humphrey Bogart portrayed the
war scarred gray space alien, Eggy
who was strugling to readjust to
normal life with the help of his
well meaning, but naive, childhood
friend, Big Eyes, as played by
Peter Lorre.

In the 1987 remake, The Grey
Thin Disk (which flopped at
the box office), Eggy, played by
Robert DeNiro, finds redemption at
the end when he talks the discour-
aged Big Eyes (Joe Pesci in this
version) out of suicide by flying
disc crash at greater than light
speeds.

Why did the producers of the re-
make decide to change the original
ending, and, in the original, what
were Big Eyes' (Peter Lorre's)
famous hardboiled 1940s slang last
words before hitting the acceler-
ator pedal of his flying disc?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep10-03, 12:07 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Why did the producers of the remake decide to change the original
ending, and, in the original, what were Big Eyes' (Peter Lorre's)famous hardboiled 1940s slang last words before hitting the accelerator pedal of his flying disc?
The change in the ending was arrived at through a complex set of algorythmic logarithms that extrapolated the resultant waveforms to the very expressive end line of "Big Eye's" (Peter Lorre), "To the Finite, and Beyyyooooooond!"

Once past the finite, where does one arrive?

FZ+

Sep10-03, 08:42 PM

A small mcdonalds hamburger store. (They are everywhere nowadays...)

Why is it implausible for the world to be supported by turtles all the way down?

prizm

Sep11-03, 01:21 AM

Implausible? I thought turtles did!

Does a chicken have lips?

zoobyshoe

Sep11-03, 01:51 AM

Originally posted by prizm
Does a chicken have lips?
Good quetion. I always wonder the
same thing whenever I notice a
chicken wearing lip gloss.

If a rooster can crow, can a crow
rooster?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep11-03, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a rooster can crow, can a crow rooster?
Absolutely!!, saw one out on the lake roostering on his Jet ski, just the other day.

How do you find the sum of the square roots of the multiples of the logarithms of numbers that are imagined, as imaginary, without Dreaming?

hypnagogue

Sep11-03, 01:44 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How do you find the sum of the square roots of the multiples of the logarithms of numbers that are imagined, as imaginary, without Dreaming?

Ask your insomniac math friend to calculate it for you, of course.

If a brown cow makes chocolate milk, then what kind of drink does a zebra make?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep11-03, 03:47 PM

Originally posted by hypnagogue
If a brown cow makes chocolate milk, then what kind of drink does a zebra make?
Uhmmmm?? Oh Ya Martini's!!!

Why was the "Martini" named after "Martin"?

zoobyshoe

Sep13-03, 09:01 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why was the "Martini" named after "Martin"?
It's funny you should ask, because
just the other day a Polish person
of my aquaintaince stumbled upon
me lying in one or another of the
gutters I am wont to nap in, and,
having himself just downed an
excessive number of martinis while
he was piloting a commercial jet
here from Phoenix, Az, asked me,
"Whhyy wasn thhhheeee M..MM..MMMMM
Aaaatini nambed afffter Jeeeerry
Loooisss?" At a complete loss for
words, I stared at him in horror.
Then, suddenly, the Polish lobe of
my brain kicked in and I said:"Do-
wiadywalem sie o te ksiazke dla
pana, nie mozna jej dostac," which
confused him long enough for me to
get away.

What do you do if you're at the
flea market looking at some used
electronic devices and a strangely
intense man starts lecturing you
about the ethics of electrons?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep13-03, 09:13 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're at the flea market looking at some used electronic devices and a strangely intense man starts lecturing you
about the ethics of electrons?
You tell him that the momentum of his electrifieing Ethics is shocking in relation to the simplicity that he has no clue where he actually is!

What do you do if someone asks a "What would you do if" question on the "Ask a stupid quention" page?

zoobyshoe

Sep13-03, 09:51 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if someone asks a "What would you do if" question on the "Ask a stupid quention" page?
It's funny you should ask because
just the other day someone asked
me the same thing and my advise
was "make sure you spell it
`quetion' not `quention'.

What do you do if...Er, I mean,
The average adult chimpanzee can
consume 10 bananas, 3 apples and
a half a melon in a day. Also, if
enough chimpanzees sat typing on
a word processor for a long
enough time, it is a statisical
probability that one of them would
eventually write out the works of
Shakespeare. If Shakespeare sat
typing at a word processor long
enough, is it a statistical pro-
babiliy that he would ever consume
10 bananas, 3 apples, and a half
a melon in one day?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep14-03, 12:14 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if...Er, I mean, The average adult chimpanzee can consume 10 bananas, 3 apples and a half a melon in a day. Also, if
enough chimpanzees sat typing on a word processor for a long enough time, it is a statisical probability that one of them would eventually write out the works of Shakespeare. If Shakespeare sat
typing at a word processor long enough, is it a statistical probabiliy that he would ever consume 10 bananas, 3 apples, and a half
a melon in one day?
NOPE but there is a very real possibility that he will, in typing, use the words melons, in reference to her.....the word Bananas in reference to His.....the word Apple in concordance with the obviousness of reference to that event's.........Knowing all along the "to live by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" can have a much better statistical probablity of generating a longevity in the outrageously "lively personna(s)" that have access to the 1/2 melon of her eye, the 10 Bananas of his lunch and the 3 apples of the events success, but only as they were typed into the sonnet of the bard's 'ode to a poem' that melodically interupted his quotient of cacophany that was erupting from his flying flingers at the Clef'board of that days com-put-errrrrssss!

Who the Heck is William Shakespeare???

zoobyshoe

Sep14-03, 04:42 PM

Originally asked by Mr.
Robin ParsonsWho the Heck
is William Shakespeare???
It is fun to go to Shakespeare
plays because he used so many
famous sayings.

The other day when I was lying
in a gutter (or maybe it was a
ditch) thinking about isochronous
pendulums, a certain Polish avia-
tor of my acquaintence stumbled
over me and began ranting about
predictions of the coming ice age
that could be deciphered from the
songs of the Fool in King Lear
using the navigation charts issued
by his employer. To convince him
he was drunk I snaped a cigarette
ligher on in front of his face,
whereupon his breath ignited
causing him, briefly, to resemble
a Japanese film monster. What do
I do to stop the nightmares this
has incited?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep15-03, 04:58 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
The other day when I was lying in a gutter (or maybe it was a ditch) thinking about isochronous pendulums, a certain Polish aviator of my acquaintence stumbled over me and began ranting about predictions of the coming ice age that could be deciphered from the songs of the Fool in King Lear using the navigation charts issued by his employer. To convince him he was drunk I snaped a cigarette ligher on in front of his face, whereupon his breath ignited causing him, briefly, to resemble a Japanese film monster. What do I do to stop the nightmares this has incited?
Rent the movie "Field of Dreams" fall alseep while watching the movie, but make certian you are covered in moisturizer beforehand, now, while sleeping, repeat the expression "There is lotsa places like Home", repetitively, over and over, again, as to ensure that, while you are sleeping, you are not aware of the excersize, that is, while you sleep, stimulating your mind to changes in the functions of that Zippo that you used to ignite the idiots breath, such that, when you awake, an entirely new set of nightmares will have joined into the previous set as to ensure you plenty of viewing while sleeping, or awake, but no more room for any Japanese films monsters, if it comes near you again just yell out "Dorothy! Dorothy!" to make it vanish into thin nightmareishlandium. (I tried this, works great!)

What Is the answer to the riddle?

zoobyshoe

Sep15-03, 05:18 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What Is the answer to the riddle?
Nuncle never knew, so
The Fool had a Field Day.

I recieved a check in the mail
yesterday for $10,000.00, or so
it seemed. Turns out the fine
print explained it to be a non-
negotiable replica of the real
check I would recieve if I first
sent them a check for $350.00
to cover the taxes on these
"winnings". So I sent them the
replica of a check for $350.00
that I "won" last week which
I could have claimed had I sent
them $29.99 to cover the taxes
for those "winnings" with a note
that they could deduct the $29.99
from the $10,000.00. I thought to
myself, "This all is a much better
explanation of why space-time is
curved than a rubber sheet and a
ball." I suppose I could have used
the replica of a $10,000.00 check
to buy a replica of a new used
car, but by then I was all about
confused.

What, then, was the replica of the
question?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep16-03, 10:05 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I recieved a check in the mail
yesterday for $10,000.00, or so
it seemed. Turns out the fine
print explained it to be a non-
negotiable replica of the real
check I would recieve if I first
sent them a check for $350.00
to cover the taxes on these
"winnings". So I sent them the
replica of a check for $350.00
that I "won" last week which
I could have claimed had I sent
them $29.99 to cover the taxes
for those "winnings" with a note
that they could deduct the $29.99
from the $10,000.00. I thought to
myself, "This all is a much better
explanation of why space-time is
curved than a rubber sheet and a
ball." I suppose I could have used
the replica of a $10,000.00 check
to buy a replica of a new used
car, but by then I was all about
confused.

What, then, was the replica of the
question?
This Highly Ordered Answer/Responce!

Why is it that I find that I haven't the time to type out really good long storylike answers AND quetions?

P.S. Zoob, can ya fax me about $10,000, I need to buy some stamps!

zoobyshoe

Sep16-03, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
P.S. Zoob, can ya fax me about $10,000, I need to buy some stamps!
I could fax you a replica of some
stamps except that my fax machine
is a non-negotiable replica of
a fax machine (a facsimile
facsimile, as it were) and I haven't got a replica of a phone
with which to call San Diego
Pseudo-Gas and Faux-Power Co. to
ask them to hook up my simulated
electricity, which is the only
kind of juice it will respond to.

Once when I was performing the
Rachmaninov second in front of
an audience of about 400 people
I suddenly became sensible of the
most tremendously urgent need to
shout the words "So's ya muddah!"
at a very high volume.
My neurologist tested me for
tourettes but declared me free of
this condition.
What causes this and how do you
deal with it when you are per-
forming the Rachmaninov Second?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep16-03, 01:56 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I could fax you a replica of some stamps except that my fax machine
is a non-negotiable replica of a fax machine (a facsimile facsimile, as it were) and I haven't got a replica of a phone with which to call San Diego Pseudo-Gas and Faux-Power Co. to ask them to hook up my simulated electricity, which is the only kind of juice it will respond to.
Try the "imitation" cell that you use at your pretend workplace, cause the need is imminent!

Would you falsify your work history, pretending that all of the plagerisms that you have induldged in, is really supposed to be to your accreditation??

zoobyshoe

Sep16-03, 02:52 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Try the "imitation" cell that you use at your pretend workplace, cause the need is imminent!

All I have is a replica of an
imitation cell which I can't
charge up for the same reason.

Would you falsify your work history, pretending that all of the plagerisms that you have induldged in, is really supposed to be to your accreditation??
Whenever I'm seeking employment
as a plagarist I make it a point
to plagarize the work history
part of the application. Likewise
once hired, all the work I turn
in to the boss consists exclusive-
ly of plagarisms of the other
plagarists plagarizing, which
always impresses him or her.

Once when I was performing the
Rachmaninov second in front of
an audience of about 400 people
I suddenly became sensible of the
most tremendously urgent need to
shout the words "So's ya muddah!"
at a very high volume.
My neurologist tested me for
tourettes but declared me free of
this condition.
What causes this and how do you
deal with it when you are per-
forming the Rachmaninov Second?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep16-03, 04:17 PM

Originally quiried by an imitation of the replicant that is the xerox of the duplicantion of the copy, zoo/by/shoe(s)
Once when I was performing the Rachmaninov second in front of an audience of about 400 people I suddenly became sensible of the most tremendously urgent need to shout the words "So's ya muddah!" at a very high volume. My neurologist tested me for tourettes but declared me free of this condition. What causes this and how do you deal with it when you are performing the Rachmaninov Second?
It arises from a little know fact that, in the 'true' Russian of the name, it is actually representational of "Rack Man In OV", codewording for the pronunciation of the Overture is the symbolically representational presentation of the elements "O" and "V", hence, we find that due to the torrodial corrlelations of the stung out stringsets vibrational variance, in triplet, (no less) results in a harmonic inducement of "fortissimo expresso" dabbed in a lightly battered seasoning sauce of lemon and herbs, that eructs forcefully past the vocal cords in an inharmonious bellicousing verbalization of "So' ya muddah!", all having been traced back to one "Porky Pig" (Snoutius Piglettensus repeti'ti'ti'ti'vus) and his insistance of his having aquired his "stutter" from his "mudder".

Humm woke up in that field again, but this time it was both sunny and cold, how the heck did that happen?

P.S. Zoob, thank$!

zoobyshoe

Sep16-03, 06:01 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Humm woke up in that field again, but this time it was both sunny and cold, how the heck did that happen?
Coming too in a sunny, cold field
usually indicates you've been
indoctrinated into a new religion
such as K-Mart Red Light Worship
or possibly The Sanctfied Church
Of The Little Red Engine That
Could, or it could have been those
mustachioed pirates who call them-
selves "The Elder Brethren Of
Torpor And Hebetude In Waiting For
The Coming Age Of The Man With The
Slender Small Toe And His Cohort,
Miss Sally O'Malley.

P.S. Zoob, thank$!
What did I do now while I wasn't
paying attention?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep17-03, 09:17 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What did I do now while I wasn't
paying attention?
On Behalf of D'a Brudders Tank$s a mililllililllion for Da Saleing of De farm to Ust!

Why?? Oh Why did zobyshoe sell out the Family Farm??? (Moan [:(])

zoobyshoe

Sep19-03, 09:41 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why?? Oh Why did zobyshoe sell out the Family Farm??? (Moan [:(])
"Zobyshoe"? This must be something
that happened in a perpendicular
realm where such people as "Mr.
Robin Persons" and "Fz-" dwell.

How many perpendicular versions
of Mr. Robin Persons can exist
in the same universe at the same time?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep19-03, 09:45 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How many perpendicular versions
of Mr. Robin Persons can exist
in the same universe at the same time?
UNCOUNTABLE! sadly, aren't ya happy I'm the only one in this one, he-heeeeeeewheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

What is the square root of the exponent, squared to the logarithm of 42?

zoobyshoe

Sep19-03, 10:30 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
UNCOUNTABLE! sadly, aren't ya happy I'm the only one in this one, he-heeeeeeewheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

You may have more perpendicular
alter egos in this universe than
you realize.

What is the square root of the exponent, squared to the logarithm of 42?
The only answer I'm permitted to
give to that question, by reason
of my prior affiliations with the
non-denominational Board of Direc-
tors Of The Foundation For The
Advancement of The Study Of Found-
ational Advancement Studies, is:
"Tuesday".

Please Help! Homework problem:
Joe is a bartender. On weekdays
he works at bar X. Everyday a
rigid body of length L enters the
bar and gets a drink.
On weekends Joe works at a dif-
ferent bar, Bar Y. Every day a
rigid body of length L enters this
bar and gets a drink.
The rigid body in bar X has three
points marked along its length
which are designated M, R, and P.
The rigid body in Bar Y has three
points marked along its length
which are designated M, R, and S.
Joe can see no difference between
the two rigid bodies other than
the one difference in the desig-
nations. He wonders if they are
the same rigid body clumsily
pretending to be two different
rigid bodies.

How does Joe find out if they are
separate rigid bodies, or the
same one?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep19-03, 11:02 AM

You may have more perpendicular
alter egos in this universe than
you realize.
WOW he's on to us. No hes's Not, shutup you idiot or he'll figure it out. you shutup, and stop telling me to shutup, will ya!

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Please Help! Homework problem: Joe is a bartender. On weekdays he works at bar X. Everyday a rigid body of length L enters the bar and gets a drink. On weekends Joe works at a different bar, Bar Y. Every day a
rigid body of length L enters this bar and gets a drink. The rigid body in bar X has three points marked along its length which are designated M, R, and P. The rigid body in Bar Y has three points marked along its length which are designated M, R, and S. Joe can see no difference between the two rigid bodies other than the one difference in the designations. He wonders if they are the same rigid body clumsily
pretending to be two different rigid bodies.
How does Joe find out if they are
separate rigid bodies, or the
same one?
(X^L/MRS7)/Y^MRP42 then split them into two (2) different lines of force, halve the sections into several pieces, BB'Q the remnants of the secondary sections, that were extraneous to begin with, re-amalgamate the leftovers into a delicious wholesome and nutricious snack for later Ooops (that's the recipe) I meant re-amalgamate the remnants into sections that are divisible by Pi, then you will be able to tell if the sum of the parts are greater then, (>) less then, (<) or equal then (=) to the original, hence Knowledge of exactly where the treasure was reburied, Ooops I mean you will now know just who it is that bodifies "Bod rigididus" X/Y

P.S. Don't forget to tell Joe, he claims (It's a FALSE claim!!) he has an outstanding Bill, why he placed Bill outside I'll never know. (hope Bill had a raincoat for that huricane)

Once you have CONCLUSIVE evidence of zoobyshoes, real identity, what will you do with it?

zoobyshoe

Sep21-03, 12:25 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Once you have CONCLUSIVE evidence of zoobyshoes, real identity, what will you do with it?
Report to the Royal Cryptozoolog-
ical society for your medal.
(Don't get exited: it's just
anodized aluminum)

In the event this were an actual
emergency should you first...?

A.Batten down the hatches
B.Save women and children first
C.Sniff glue
D.Glue women to the children
E.Glue women and children to the
hatches
D.Sniff glue
F.Gluey glue
G.Glue glue to glue
H.Goo goo ga goo
I.0000000000000
J.
K
K
K

BoulderHead

Sep21-03, 12:33 AM

Answer: Make women and children sniff zoobieglue.

Question: What is zoobieglue most commonly used for?

zoobyshoe

Sep21-03, 01:07 AM

Originally posted by BoulderHead
Question: What is zoobieglue most commonly used for?
It's used in place of gluons in
element 126: Zoobinium

Where would I be able to buy
Zoobieglue in 55 gallon drums?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep21-03, 10:35 AM

Originally asked by zoobygluie
Where would I be able to buy Zoobieglue in 55 gallon drums?
Where else, at the zoo-be-glued store, on e-Bay, although I gotta tell ya, I heard that that stuff is really really (I mean REALLY) inexpensive, so inexpensive that they actually got paid to recieve it!

"Zoobygluieeeeeeeeeee" is one of the most adhesive substances known to humanity, but NOT to the greys, why?

ExtravagantDreams

Sep21-03, 03:24 PM

"Zoobygluieeeeeeeeeee" is one of the most adhesive substances known to humanity, but NOT to the greys, why?

Obvious, the greys can build space ships that actually hold together.

Where on earth did these grey come from anyway?

zoobyshoe

Sep21-03, 06:57 PM

Originally posted by ExtravagantDreams
Where on earth did these grey come from anyway?
Your average grey space alien is
a native of Boise, Idaho.

How many 55 gallon drums of Zoobie
glue does the average grey space
alien fraternity consume per frat
party?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep22-03, 12:39 PM

Originally asked by ZOObySHOE
How many 55 gallon drums of Zoobie glue does the average grey space
alien fraternity consume per frat party?
Well it is actually an inverse function as the quantity consumed has a reverse preportional effect inasmuch as the percentage of ingestion declines with the affectivnesse's surmounting of the ingestions affectation. IN other (simpler) words "the more they consume, the less affect it has on them" hence the real amounts remain secret, to this day!! as we'll need to kill you, if you can figure it out.
Signed; "Bubba 'n the Boys" (Written in lieu of MRP)

Since MRP is the ONLY person on the planet who knows the real, and needed amount of "55 gallon drums of zoobie-glue' to have the effect that is the cause of the effects reaction, what does it measure in degrees(°) Rankine??

liljediboi

Sep22-03, 10:59 PM

well. halfway to the original goal of 1000 posts. haha. id post a dumb question, but i just got 54/100 on a test, so i feel dumb enought thank you.

zoobyshoe

Sep25-03, 12:13 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Since MRP is the ONLY person on the planet who knows the real, and needed amount of "55 gallon drums of zoobie-glue' to have the effect that is the cause of the effects reaction, what does it measure in degrees(°) Rankine??
There is a small conference room at the end of a cramped corridor in an abandoned underground bunker beneath the West Wing of the White house where full grown men are presently growling at each other in a vigorous difference of opinion over this very issue. It is likewise, strangely enough, the subject of a "thread" of graffiti in the third stall of the men's bathroom on the ground floor level of the Mall Of The America's in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

What should a person do if they discover that the Person they have been corresponding with over the internet actually passed away several years ago?

Robin PARSONS (ABT 1925 - 10 Dec 1991)http://kropf.org/html/d0005/I219.html

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep25-03, 10:33 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What should a person do if they discover that the Person they have been corresponding with over the internet actually passed away several years ago?
Robin PARSONS (ABT 1925 - 10 Dec 1991)http://kropf.org/html/d0005/I219.html
Come to the realization that the internet has gone etherial and that it is presently connected to "The Beyond" in such a manner that communicating with the dead is now as simply as www.talkingtodeadpeople.grav thereby connecting the "World Wide Weeb" with the "Universal Metaphysical Realm" (UMR) as to enable all of the persons, past, present, and future to communicate in an open, and friendly, fashion, to further the profiteering of all of the "Communal Charities" all over the Universe. So remember. please GIVE, the dead need the ca$h! (Some of them are being asked to pay to enter Heaven, to bad they couldn't take it with them!)

How do you go about collecting on a bequest, that is in a name similar to your, but all along knowing that, since you are adopted, it cannot really be any relation to you, but you need the money, so you try anyways, but you don't know how??

zoobyshoe

Sep25-03, 11:57 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons How do you go about collecting on a bequest, that is in a name similar to your, but all along knowing that, since you are adopted, it cannot really be any relation to you, but you need the money, so you try anyways, but you don't know how??
Legal adoption into the clan Parsons constitutes legal membership in the clan Parsons with all the attendant rights to loose change provided you could establish a link between your adoptive parents and the deceased namesake which would best be accomplished by calling yourself "The Lowlander", getting a large sword, and lopping the heads off of every Parsons who may be of more potentially direct relation urging yourself on with the motto:"There Can Be Only One!"

What's the best way to explain to a sword weilding maniac that what you just said was "Yes, I am a person," and not: "Yes, I am a Parsons"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep25-03, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What's the best way to explain to a sword weilding maniac that what you just said was "Yes, I am a person," and not: "Yes, I am a Parsons"?
From a minimium of fifty (50') feet!

When you are fifty feet (50') from this 'sword wielding maniac', you decide to tell him that you meant "Person" not "Parsons", and he pulls out him 457 magnum, takes aim, what is the best direction to jump, left?, right?, forwards?, backwards?, up? or down?

zoobyshoe

Sep25-03, 12:52 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When you are fifty feet (50') from this 'sword wielding maniac', you decide to tell him that you meant "Person" not "Parsons", and he pulls out him 457 magnum, takes aim, what is the best direction to jump, left?, right?, forwards?, backwards?, up? or down?
This would be a good time to lean 17 degrees left of the normal, rotate on that axis, and scoot into the conveniently located perpendicular universe you'll find located just ahead.

Recently, when I was repelling down the side of Big Ben, London, England, I encountered a black and white stray cat who was trying to pound in a piton as part of his continuing effort to ascend the clock tower. When I pointed out the large number of pitons already in place from previous feline conquests of the monumental time piece, he hissed aggressively at me and inexpertly hurled his hammer in my direction. It suddenly occured to me that I had found the answer to a question that had been nagging me for years: Why do you never see cats playing softball? Obviously, I seemed to have discovered, cats can't pitch.
In light of the facts of this anecdote, how many hairs does the average cat shed during the ascent of Big Ben to the cat lounge in the rafters above the clockwork?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep25-03, 01:56 PM

Recently yelled from the side of a clockface, in the U.S.A., (while holding his pistol, and ranting) outside the place of work of zoobyshoe
Recently, when I was repelling down the side of Big Ben, London, England, I encountered a black and white stray cat who was trying to pound in a piton as part of his continuing effort to ascend the clock tower. When I pointed out the large number of pitons already in place from previous feline conquests of the monumental time piece, he hissed aggressively at me and inexpertly hurled his hammer in my direction. It suddenly occured to me that I had found the answer to a question that had been nagging me for years: Why do you never see cats playing softball? Obviously, I seemed to have discovered, cats can't pitch.
In light of the facts of this anecdote, how many hairs does the average cat shed during the ascent of Big Ben to the cat lounge in the rafters above the clockwork?
Well according to the Journal "Essential Catter", the average number of Hairs shed by any given Cat in a given period of time will be the exponent of the cats weight multiplied by the average numeber of Birds eaten in the last twelve years. But it is clearly stipulated that Cats encountered While climbing the face of Big Ben (NOT the same as the Statue of Liberty!!!!) have a severalfold increase in Hair dander, Hair loss, and Fur Ball cough-up factors. The resulting figures gave credibility to the theory that climbing the face of a Clocktower, imbues into said Felines, the very same mentality as that of serial Snipers, hence it is known that the effects of the Post traumatic stress Inducement that arises from the placing of the Cats paws upon the faces of dials, hands, or clock faces, arrests the nomally resistant affective hair retention system of the dermus of Feline climbers to the degree that shedding of hair at such altitudes is in congrouity with the known factors of fur ball eruction to the degree that the Actual number of hairs becomes impossible to establish with any reliability beyond the present known count of Seventy seven thousand, per milisecond, per lumen, per tick of the clock. (Completely different if done in the darkness, so we won't even go there!!)

Now, what I really want to know is exactly how many times has zoobyshoe climbed?

zoobyshoe

Sep25-03, 02:50 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Now, what I really want to know is exactly how many times has zoobyshoe climbed?
It's interesting you should ask that question because , once, when repelling down a rope that had been thrown up into the air by an Indian Fakir I encountered that mystical gentleman while he was on the way up. Not able to contain his curiosity as to how I had come to be "up" there in the first place, he interviewed me on the matter for several minutes but none of my clear and simple answers seemed to satisfy him, so I came to the conclusion he was unaware of the elementary laws of western physics, and that this ignorance is what allowed him to go around throwing unsupported ropes into the air and climbing them in the first place, and that for both our sakes I ought probably not disabuse him of any illusions at that particular time.

Shortly before World War I, I was excavating some coal from a family mine at the back of our property in West Virginia when I broke through the bituminous wall ahead of me into a very small chamber in which an Indian Fakir was napping.
He awoke, asked what year it was, and upon being told, he said that he had been holding his breath in there for 137 years, but that, much worse, he had been holding a couple other things and wanted directions to the nearest outhouse.

As I lead him toward that goal he chattered away in the manner of a man who'd been alone too long and began hinting, rather obviously, that if I would only ask him he would be happy to explain the interesting story of how he'd come to be trapped in the coal seam all those years before.

Having work to do, I left him at the outhouse and returned to the mine. When I emerged at the end of the day, he was nowhere to be found, and I never saw him again.

Given the facts of this anecdote, what is the maximum amount of Indian Fakirs, in weight, that a single West Virginian Miner can extract from a seam of soft coal in a sixteen hour work day?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep25-03, 04:58 PM

Originally asked by a soot darkened coal miner from lost ridge Louisiana who speaks in nothing bigger then three letter words in pidgeon "fringlish" Translated herein into "regular English" by one 'zoobyshoe'...(a real cracker-upper)
Given the facts of this anecdote, what is the maximum amount of Indian Fakirs, in weight, that a single West Virginian Miner can extract from a seam of soft coal in a sixteen hour work day?
Well statistically speaking, the shear number of "Fakirs", in the world, limits the resultant mean average annual imput of "Fakirs" into coal seams, resulting in a false reading that misconscrues the values averaging (that is requisite to have the required knowledge) as to respond soundly to the inquiry, as it has been quired, hence we must be able to analyse the shear values of "Fakirs" relative to the output of seamed coal, per capita, per day, per tonne, per season, per methane releases (as well) in a reletively normalized fashion. So the answer would be around twelve (12)

Given that while I was descending into the abyss of the Atlantic Ocean, I saw a woman, riding her bicycle, on the bottom, but she had no clothes on, so she was getting extremely wet, how many monkeys did it take to oil the bike chain?

zoobyshoe

Sep28-03, 11:15 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Given that while I was descending into the abyss of the Atlantic Ocean, I saw a woman, riding her bicycle, on the bottom, but she had no clothes on, so she was getting extremely wet, how many monkeys did it take to oil the bike chain?
Frankly, I don't know. I consulted the classic on this matter, J. Jefferson Johnson's The True And Accurate Use of Simians, Marsupials, and Lemurs in Chain Drive Lubrication but I found, to my disapointment, that he completely neglects to address the whole issue of bicycle chain lubrication for marine use. I can't tell you how surprised I was at this gap in such an otherwise comprehensive treatment of the subject.

Earlier in my life I had the rare opportunity of meeting the famous Russian composer, Plinckoff whose sonatas for the upper fifteen notes of the Pianoforte changed music forever, sort of. He regarded me as if I were something that had squirmed out of a soft, brown apple, and declared: "You will never understand how to perform my compositions! Do not try!" To which I replied: "Even the goatherd of Vladivostok, with his milking-nimbled fingers does not understand how he should perform your compositions. Should he not try? Whereupon Plinckoff put his arm around my shoulder and said:"What a bright young performer you are! I will compose for you, someday, if I live that long."

I soon forgot all about him. Did he live that long?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep29-03, 01:30 PM

Originally Composed by zoobishoe
Earlier in my life I had the rare opportunity of meeting the famous Russian composer, Plinckoff whose sonatas for the upper fifteen notes of the Pianoforte changed music forever, sort of. He regarded me as if I were something that had squirmed out of a soft, brown apple, and declared: "You will never understand how to perform my compositions! Do not try!" To which I replied: "Even the goatherd of Vladivostok, with his milking-nimbled fingers does not understand how he should perform your compositions. Should he not try? Whereupon Plinckoff put his arm around my shoulder and said:"What a bright young performer you are! I will compose for you, someday, if I live that long."
I soon forgot all about him. Did he live that long?

Well not unlike you zoobyshoe, I too have an extensive collection of reading materials, and in a perusal of the MOST recent copy of "Composers Who Compose Composite Compositions while Camping" your Mr. Plinckoff was exposed for what he truly is, a Composite Fraud, as it arises that the man has NEVER, ever, composed a singular piece of Compositional work, for himself, never mind that even the ones that he could possibly lay a Side Claim to, as having assisted in compostion, it turns out that his major contribution to the compositional effort(s) was to provide the paper, hence he is nothing but a fraud and is not even worth looking up in the "Anuals of Persons, Famous, or InFamous, Living, or Dead, composed, or Decomposing" (nevermind I seem to have misplaced my most recent copy of that one, sooo...) for the simple fact of the matter is that he will probably not even be listed in such and illustrious publication as it would be denegrating to the Editors of said noble enterprise.
That stated, he is still alive, and well, deep well actually, as it seems that he owes his creditors mucho buck$$$ for all of that stolen paper.

While reading in the "Anuals of Journal Anuals" the article stated that the history of "The Journal" was an 'anual', (and that this was a yearly event) hence, the question is begged as to just what time does the publication get distributed, annually?

zoobyshoe

Sep29-03, 04:11 PM

Originally misspelled(sp?) by Mr. Robin Parsons
While reading in the "Anuals of Journal Anuals" the article stated that the history of "The Journal" was an 'anual', (and that this was a yearly event) hence, the question is begged as to just what time does the publication get distributed, annually?
By simply calling their headquarters in Potosi, Missouri I was able to learn that the answer to that question is a straightforward 2:49 P.M. I called back several times in succession, asked the same question and recieved the same answer. I thought to myself, "Hm, that sounds suspiciously consistent. What's really going on here?" I am now camped in the grove of trees across the road from their offices with a pair of high-powered binoculars trained on their third floor suite, writing to you from a wireless laptop.

Shortly before World War One I had the peculiar experience of a chance encounter with the Russian conductor Fyevor Hotanivich Scaldinyevski on the streets of Far Rockaway, Queens, New York. He regarded me, a complete stranger to him, with a look of anger one would only expect from someone bent on revenge for the seduction of his wife, and shouted "The celli! The celli! Why can't the celli count a simple 13/21 rhythm!
What's the problem with them!!??"

Fearing for my life I kicked him in the shin and ran.

On the train back to Brooklyn I divided 13 by 21 and got .619047619, but that didn't seem to mean anything in particular.
Years later, though, I recieved a check made out to precisely that amount as the sum total of the royalties earned by the sale of my book Scaldinyevski: The Far Rockaway Years. Given that I had purchased the only copy of that book that ever sold myself, that decimal took on a mystical signifigance for me whose true meaning I have still not completely fathomed.

In light of the facts of this anecdote, what do you suppose is the best use to be made of 5000 unread copies of a biography of an angry and menacing Russian conductor?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Sep29-03, 05:31 PM

A truncated citation of the quetion that was originally posited by one zoobyshoe, male of female, AKA 9 of 7 * (?)
In light of the facts of this anecdote, what do you suppose is the best use to be made of 5000 unread copies of a biography of an angry and menacing Russian conductor?
One word, P-R-O-J-E-C-T-I-L-E-S, as in, should it be that that deleterious, and offensively impudent progression of an scalar notation, Ever threatens you again, call upon us all, and we will assist you in the launching of the 5000 superflous volumes of the tome, towards the offending indication of a primate, as to ensure that anyone, and everyone, knows, with an aclarity that is clearly/presently, unknown, NOT TO MESS WITH THE ZOOB!

So how many unread tomes does it take to completely bury a former Russian psuedo (poser) Composer?

(BTW I read that book, "Scaldinyevski: The Far Rockaway Years" they have a smuggled copy of it, here in the Kingston library. Reeks of the fish that it was buried in, in transit to Canada, or is that just the Authors scent??)

*Editors (blue) notation, don't know why that Boob Parsons is still sooooo silly, knows darn well that it is supposed to be "Y of X" and NOT "9 of 7", probably just watched too much television, in his life.
If He makes such errors again, please inform me, Thanks Editor.

zoobyshoe

Oct1-03, 05:36 AM

Originally wondered by the wonder boy, or boy wonder ROBIN So how many unread tomes does it take to completely bury a former Russian psuedo (poser) Composer?
How many tomes to entomb? Twenty times twenty.

(BTW I read that book, "Scaldinyevski: The Far Rockaway Years" they have a smuggled copy of it, here in the Kingston library. Reeks of the fish that it was buried in, in transit to Canada, or is that just the Authors scent??)
I love the smell of Zoobies in the morning. Smells like...napalm.

As a young man, shortly before World war One I had the enchanting experience of a chance encounter with famed Russian violin virtuoso Skrachimir Scrichanovich Shrilikovki on an elevator in the Department of Public Works in Chatsworth, N.Y. U.S.A.
He regarded me, a total stranger to him, with the look you'd expect to see on the face of a man who happened to notice an automobile-flattened animal on the side of the road, and said: "That's odd. I was certain I'd flushed twice." To which I retorted, "I thought you had, too". Whereupon he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "You are an impertinent and oblique young man. Someday you will make a big noise in the world, but people will mistake it for a large truck
going by outside."

Given the facts of this anecdote, disgorge, if you would, a response to the following quetion: why don't animals learn to look both ways before crossing?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct1-03, 01:52 PM

Originally SUNG (off key) by one known as the Y of X, or the male of the female, or zoobyshoe..."The reek of Napalm, in the morning"
As a young man, shortly before World war One I had the enchanting experience of a chance encounter with famed Russian violin virtuoso Skrachimir Scrichanovich Shrilikovki on an elevator in the Department of Public Works in Chatsworth, N.Y. U.S.A.
He regarded me, a total stranger to him, with the look you'd expect to see on the face of a man who happened to notice an automobile-flattened animal on the side of the road, and said: "That's odd. I was certain I'd flushed twice." To which I retorted, "I thought you had, too". Whereupon he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "You are an impertinent and oblique young man. Someday you will make a big noise in the world, but people will mistake it for a large truck going by outside."
Given the facts of this anecdote, disgorge, if you would, a response to the following quetion: why don't animals learn to look both ways before crossing?
Well, very clearly, the answer is in your little short anec-doting inasmuch as it is simple to note that that Famed Russian Violin Virtuoso plays with such force, that he is emitting sounds that only animals can hear, hence he is instigating a deafening volume of sound that is circumnavigating the planet, as a resonant harmonic that only all of the Non-human animals can hear, and it's interpretation into "Common Animal English" (language) is "It is safe to cross the road now", probably why the use of the analogy of your face as appearing as that of a crushed particle of road kill, one that required a 'second flushing' to evacuate from the face of the planet.

Clearly his notation of you making a large mark in the world, but it being mistaken for "A large truck", shows how little he realizes about your current situation, as, to the best of my knowledge (TTBOMK) you have NOT been mistaken for any kind of large truck, but rather the sound of a growing mushroom, blooming late in the season, and clearly ready to pollinate!

Given that it is so clear that zoobyshoe, napalm scented, is ready to pollinate, are there an volounteers?

zoobyshoe

Oct1-03, 05:27 PM

Originally chortled by Mr. Robin Parsons in an obvious fit of marshmallow intoxication
Given that it is so clear that zoobyshoe, napalm scented, is ready to pollinate, are there an volounteers?
There seems to be and endless stream of Gray Space Alien Wenches, Paralyzing Old Hags, Succubi, and Telemarketers clammouring for this opportunity. I have been refering them to you.

A recent perusal of the famous "Whinings" of the ancient Roman thinker and life commentator, Scabius Cankerous, brought this particularly thoughtful story to my attention:

"This morning I was awaken at sunrise by the sounds of some Phoenecian sailors playing upon the lyre and tambour and singing wistfully in their own tongue as they passed by outside my window. Perhaps the song expressed a longing to return to their homeland, or perhaps to the women waiting for them there, or perhaps just to be back on their great ships bound for some new, wonderful port. These, at least, were the ponderings about their song that passed through my mind as I rose up from my litter and flung the contents of my chamber pot out the window on them for waking a sick man from his slumber."

Now enlighten me if I missed something, but I found the story to be extremely confusing given that the ancient Romans are famous to this day for their celebrated indoor plumbing.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct1-03, 07:28 PM

Originally posited by a now pregnant(?) zoobyshoe2
A recent perusal of the famous "Whinings" of the ancient Roman thinker and life commentator, Scabius Cankerous, brought this particularly thoughtful story to my attention:
"This morning I was awaken at sunrise by the sounds of some Phoenecian sailors playing upon the lyre and tambour and singing wistfully in their own tongue as they passed by outside my window. Perhaps the song expressed a longing to return to their homeland, or perhaps to the women waiting for them there, or perhaps just to be back on their great ships bound for some new, wonderful port. These, at least, were the ponderings about their song that passed through my mind as I rose up from my litter and flung the contents of my chamber pot out the window on them for waking a sick man from his slumber."
Now enlighten me if I missed something, but I found the story to be extremely confusing given that the ancient Romans are famous to this day for their celebrated indoor plumbing.
Well tie down my dogs and give me a shot of Canadian Club, Consider yourself enlightened by this one, A chamber pot IS considered indoor Plumbing for people whose only other idea of Plumbing were "Lead W(h)ineglasses!

So I was out walking in the woods, one cold and frosty afternoon, accompanioned by my neighbours dog Sheba. A fresh snow had fallen, the day earlier, covering the ground in white, to a depth of about six inches, that crunched underfoot.

Suddenly I heard a cry, "Whaaaaaa" was the sound, just like a Babies cry, and I listened for it again as I noticed the dogs ears perking up at the noise. It resounded again, and I could tell that, although it sounded just like a human baby, the noise had a quality about it that distincted it from human, and I knew then that it was not of human origin.

Quickly I instructed the dog, Sheba, "Go see" I said to her, and off she went scurrieing into the forest that was a thickset grouping of low cedars growing in a eutriphieing swamp like wetland. I followed her pawprints as she was quite capable of travel in these woods, wheras I was somewhat hindered by my size and inablity to scent out the source of the wailing.

Suddenly I came upon it, the dog standing duty off to the side, there it was, a Snow White Rabbit, caught in a snare wire, its leg wrapped around the securing line that tied the wire to the brush, and the other end of it snared around the rabbits throat, choking the air out of it.

I could easily hear the rabbit's raspng breaths, and could see that, every time it struggled against the wire, it's hind leg would tighten the line, as to choke it, even tighter, generating a further "Rasping and Gargling" sound from the rabbit's frantic breathing.

With the dog watching, I attempted to remove whatever of the wire that I could, but was impaired by the tangled lines around the animals foot, so I shifted attention to the line at the leg and decided to remove the wire from it's brush securing point, as to be able to further manipulate it. Getting the wire off of the Brush was simple enough, but as soon as I had accomplished that, the rabbit bolted, off into the deeper woods, well out of view, and me there, with the setting sun, and darkness, quickly approaching this mountain wetland habitat.

Once again, I sent faithful Sheba after the Rabbit, after all, she too seemed to sense the peril that the frightened animal was in, and that this was something that she did not want to seem to hurt as she once agian, upon finding the critter, held her distance till I got there.

The Rabbit was on it's side, panting and gasping for air with it's leg jerking the wire tighter and choking it more and more. I moved quickly again to this time remove the line from the Rabbits foot. That done, this time I wasn't about to let go of the animal, and I suspect it knew it too.

Gently I picked up the rabbit by placing both of my hands around it's body, and used one hand to search out the line of heavy brass wire that was around it's throat. too thick was the line, and so tight that there was no way I was going to be able to remove it, without harming the animal, or by using tools that just weren't available to me, at this site in the woods.

With the darkness quickly arriving, I decided to take the rabbit back to the house, as to find a pair of cutters, to release it from it potential death. Holding it, as to allow it's body to drop down from my clasped hands around it's chest position, I began the carry of a lifetime, holding a live wild creature in my two hands, attempting rescue.

On the way I could feel that animals heartbeat, as I stroked the back of it's head, 'tween it's ears to attempt to calm it down while I made the half hour walk home. Sheba was her perfectly poised self, not even bothering me about the fact that I was carrieing a live Rabbit, she just went about her business, of sniffing things, and walking along with me, as if this were the most normal of things to be doing. She was used to me, and my long walks so it was kinda normal for her now.

On the way, the rabbit very suddenly decided to attempt a break for freedom, it started Kicking wildly with it's hind legs, trying to get at the hands that held it, but to no avail, as I had my grasp high enough up, on the animals body, as to ensure that it's hind legs couldn't reach my hands, and it's flailing wasn't strong enough to cause anything more then a reaction of me, lifting it a little higher up in the air, as to avoid getting kicked in the face by some accidental backkick.

Arriving at the house, I went for the tool shed immediately. Finding the wire cutters I tried again to calm the animal, placing it on the workbench and starting to cut away at all of the wire that I had not been able to previouly get off of it's body. Down to the last one, the wire around its neck, gently probing in with the wire cutters, I found the line 'tween the jaws of the pliers and I gave them a gentle squeeze, YEEEOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE did that Rabbit bolt, it was FREE and it knew it!

After it's running around the tool shed, for what seemded an indeterminable amount of time, it finally stopped, but woudn't ya know it, right in front of the door. I knew I had to let it go, so I slowly made my way towards the door, it finally hopped off towards the rear, so I opened the door, it saw that, and bolted out the door, right past my two feet, like a little bolt of lightening.

As it exited the Shed, it ran out about ten feet, turned towards the direction of the forest from whence I had gotten it, started to run towards there, but just slightly after it had turned towards the direction of it's home, it slowed slightly, turned it's head towards me, just a little (as the see out of their eyes slightly differently then us) bit, and it grunted to me, then fled off into the forest and I never saw it again.

Now, in human english, what was it that the rabbit said to me, when it grunted, in rabbit??

BTW this is actually a true story, this really happened to me, BUT, not unlike Biblical stories, there are only two other witnesses to the events, God, and the dog, but, TTBOMK, the dog has since departed this earth, and apparently God isn't really talking to much to some of you, (What did you do to deserve that??) soooo, Believe it, or, well, Whaaaatever!

P.S. Anyone up for adopting a slightly mishapen, napalmed, grey alien derivitive baby?? call the Zoo line (666) 1-800 I need zoob's love now

zoobyshoe

Oct2-03, 06:25 AM

Originally asked by a poor soul suffering delusions of grandeur in that he compares the narrative of an episode of his life to a Biblical story and who is also under the erroneous impression that a male zoobie can become pregnant . Please send him your spare Haldol and Zyprexa.Now, in human english, what was it that the rabbit said to me, when it grunted, in rabbit??
What a remarkable well educated rabbit that was! His grunt was the very compact rabbit version of the following citation from the memoirs of Scabius Cankerous:

"There is, among the men of Rome, a kind of philosopher who advises us to be content with the misfortunes doled out by the Nature~Soul saying that there is always a sublime reason for these troubles. These `philosophers' claim the boil on my *** is there in accordance with a higher good and must be accepted as inevitable and necessary for the world to continue as it is. I think, therefore, that it would be good that they all develop boils so that the good of the universe might be thereby increased, and that, in this vein, Rome would be a positive Utopia if all men could only be afflicted with these good boils, and it would become a nation of the upstanding since no one could take their ease in sitting any longer."

-Scabius Cankerous
Whinings

In other words, the rabbit was saying that, even though you had just freed it, it had just been through the worst day of its life and although your capture and handling of it were for its ultimate good, it was still pretty much scared witless and hoped you weren't expecting any effusive show of gratitude, under the circumstances.

Quetion: What peculiar neurological damage can account for Mr. Robin Parsons' decision to characterize me as pregnant?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct2-03, 11:58 AM

Originally WHIIIIINED by zoobyshoe
Quetion: What peculiar neurological damage can account for Mr. Robin Parsons' decision to characterize me as pregnant?
Telepathy!

Out of what orifice is zoobyshoe's resultant "child" (for lack of a better, or less insulting word) being birthed/born through?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-03, 06:51 PM

Originally pondered by the most ponderous poltroon:Parsons
Out of what orifice is zoobyshoe's resultant "child" (for lack of a better, or less insulting word) being birthed/born through? Since the word "child" is not insulting when applied to new borns, your suggestion that it is clearly means you have neglected to accurately translate the sentiment behind this quetion into English from the original Parsophrenia, to coin a term, and as the quetion stands (in complete incoherence) it is unanswerable. It is, therefore, an example of the stupidest of all stupid quetions, and is right where it belongs: in this thread.

Once, as a young man, before World War One, I had the extrordinary experience of a chance encounter
with the Greek philosopher, Plato,
(this was way before World War One) who pushed me up against a marble column outside a public edifice one day and began ranting about some lost civilization that had been destroyed in an earthquake. To prove to him that he was in the throes of a manic delusion I bodily carried him to a nearby spring rich in dissolved lithium carbonate and forced him to sit in the water for several hours untill his delusional state subsided.
When he had regained his sences he lamented that he had already written the whole weird tale down, had it copied many times over by busy scribes, and dispatched to libraries and private collections all over the mediterranean.

In light of the incident described in the above anecdote, what relation might be said to exist between the term "Play Dough" and the name "Plato"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct3-03, 04:22 PM

Originally uttered by the most unutterable X+1 that has roamed the facia of the sphere in , well, the last thirty seconds...zoobyshoe
Once, as a young man, before World War One, I had the extrordinary experience of a chance encounter with the Greek philosopher, Plato,
(this was way before World War One) who pushed me up against a marble column outside a public edifice one day and began ranting about some lost civilization that had been destroyed in an earthquake. To prove to him that he was in the throes of a manic delusion I bodily carried him to a nearby spring rich in dissolved lithium carbonate and forced him to sit in the water for several hours until(l) his delusional state subsided.
When he had regained his sences he lamented that he had already written the whole weird tale down, had it copied many times over by busy scribes, and dispatched to libraries and private collections all over the mediterranean.
In light of the incident described in the above anecdote, what relation might be said to exist between the term "Play Dough" and the name "Plato"?
Monopoly Money and the corrrect Roman translation of the encrypted word 'Plato', (as to it's root meaning) decoded being; P-Lat(e)-O(h)! as in "Mr. P is a going to be Late.....OH! but he only gots Monopoly Money, no real ca$h". So the relationship is clearly seen as a mutable form of a plastic coupled to the timely observation of the tardiness of the encumbent form of 'mutable neuronal plasticity' presently tie'ping.

That said, we ask something in the above statement, what?

zoobyshoe

Oct3-03, 06:23 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
That said, we ask something in the above statement, what?
See other thread for tedious reply.

Does "Fat liver" have anything to do with "Fat Tuesday" or "Fats Waller"?

FZ+

Oct3-03, 06:53 PM

Only in the theory of FAT GUT, which is marvellous but too long to fit in this post.

Why do Mr Robin and zoobyshoe dominate this thread?

zoobyshoe

Oct4-03, 03:58 AM

Originally posted by FZ+
Why do Mr Robin and zoobyshoe dominate this thread? There is, at this very moment, a consortium of nearly 70 sociologists, psychiatrists, psychologists and psychotics deeply concentrating on discovering the merest toehold of understanding from which to launch a heavily funded research project whose goal is to formulate the outlines of an hypothesis about this phenomenon. The predicted date of the time when it may become reasonable to start wondering when the hypothesis will be ready to be alluded to with confidence is 6 April 09. Untill then try thinking about something else.

Why doesn't Fz+ dominate this thread? He has the ambition, intelligence, Batman-villain-style lust to dominate essentially pointess enterprises. Warum nicht?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct4-03, 11:55 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe, the other "denominator"
Why doesn't Fz+ dominate this thread? He has the ambition, intelligence, Batman-villain-style lust to dominate essentially pointess enterprises. Warum nicht?
Good Question!! so here's your answer.....

Originally asked by zoobyshoe's other "denominator"
See other thread for tedious reply.

Why is it that people all ways accuse "others" of doing exactly what it is that they do?

zoobyshoe

Oct4-03, 11:13 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that people all ways accuse "others" of doing exactly what it is that they do?
Try accusing "yourself" of doing exactly what it is that others do, and you'll see why: it's alot less fun.

What could account for the fact that the fine pumpkin you brought home for Halloween appears to be still growing?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct5-03, 09:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What could account for the fact that the fine pumpkin you brought home for Halloween appears to be still growing?
The Ghost within....

On a short trip through a field yesterday, midst the Sweet white clovers and the Queen Annes lace, I found a rabbit track, could it be the same one as I had had previous chance to encounter?

zoobyshoe

Oct5-03, 10:21 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
On a short trip through a field yesterday, midst the Sweet white clovers and the Queen Annes lace, I found a rabbit track, could it be the same one as I had had previous chance to encounter?
The tracks you saw actually belong to a little known species of Duiker, which is a very small sort of deer-like animal that frequents clover/lace meadows and has fangs. They can leap ten feet and are bloodthirsty when bored so do not enter the meadow again without practising your repertoire of soft show dances and witty banter to entertain him should he discover you.

How do you account for the fact that you are just about positive the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently purchased seems to understand every word you utter in it's presence, but pretends to be stone deaf?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct5-03, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How do you account for the fact that you are just about positive the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently purchased seems to understand every word you utter in it's presence, but pretends to be stone deaf?
From the Ohhh so obvious Wry smilie upon it's face.

When a Witch, gets on her broom, (electrolux now-a-days I here, but it's only a rumor) how does that help her to lose weight?

J-Man

Oct5-03, 02:19 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When a Witch, gets on her broom, (electrolux now-a-days I here, but it's only a rumor) how does that help her to lose weight?
This is a strange phenomenon known only to apply to "bad" Witches. Apparently the antigravity aspects of said broom form a covalent bond with the water in the Witch's body. The water is drawn out, thereby decreasing the nomative weight of the witch, runs down the length of the broom to where it randomly coagulates between the bristles until it falls to the ground. This is why it rains so much this time of year.

Why doesn't this work for "good" Witches?

zoobyshoe

Oct6-03, 01:31 AM

Originally posted by J-Man
This is why it rains so much this time of year.

Why doesn't this work for "good" Witches? Before answering let me say that, in addition to being the first coherent and accurate explanation of autumnal rain I have ever encountered, your response also has opened a window to an undertanding of the cause of the change to liquid state when "bad" witches come in direct contact with water. I am thinking along these lines: being nearly anhydrous would cause them to rehydrate at a rate in excess of what the cellular connectivity could bear. I'm afraid this is just speculation, however, and merely meant to prod those with more information into giving the matter serious consideration.

The "good" witches have no need of cleaning implements in their transportation, because they practically weightless already and the mere thought of levitation induces it: they have already lost what weight they ever had to lose.

How do you account for the fact that the Halloween pumpkin you personally hunted down and bagged yourself in a pumpkin patch near your California home has been found to bear a small tag on it's underside instructing you to call the Departement of Fish, Game and Pumpkin Tracking, Fayetteville, Louisiana, USA, if found?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct6-03, 08:43 AM

Originally flewn in on "Pumkins Airlines" Piloted by zoobyshoe, "Pumkin Airlines we always land with a soft pLoP"
How do you account for the fact that the Halloween pumpkin you personally hunted down and bagged yourself in a pumpkin patch near your California home has been found to bear a small tag on it's underside instructing you to call the Departement of Fish, Game and Pumpkin Tracking, Fayetteville, Louisiana, USA, if found?

Government Bureaucracy!

(P.S. sssst...be careful with that Pumkin, It's Military Grade, worth More then you are)

Are we now going to go on a "Halloween" theme, for weeks on end, till the end of the weeks, till "Halloween", and all of the "Halloween" theme items can be trumped out of the 'closets of the mind' as to employ the uselessness of knowledge, that is useful, if it is used in this theme event history till we all know it all off by heart, only to forget it till next halloween, then we will try to remember it all over again a to repeat as nessecary?

zoobyshoe

Oct6-03, 09:32 AM

Originally mumbled in a noticabley irritated tone by some very grumpy version of Mr.Robin ParsonsAre we now going to go on a "Halloween" theme, for weeks on end, till the end of the weeks, till "Halloween", and all of the "Halloween" theme items can be trumped out of the 'closets of the mind' as to employ the uselessness of knowledge, that is useful, if it is used in this theme event history till we all know it all off by heart, only to forget it till next halloween, then we will try to remember it all over again a to repeat as nessecary? Does a werewolf sh*t in the woods?

How would you react if, on Halloween night, the doorbell rang and you open it only to find ten little men in old fashioned prison garb banging on stones with a hammer?

theEVIL1

Oct6-03, 10:17 AM

there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Laters.

zoobyshoe

Oct6-03, 10:25 AM

Originally posted by theEVIL1
there are no stupid questions, ...
There are, however, stupid quetions.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct6-03, 12:11 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How would you react if, on Halloween night, the doorbell rang and you open it only to find ten little men in old fashioned prison garb banging on stones with a hammer?
Ask if they had seen Mr. P Lately.......

What if the answer to the quetion, is found in a riddle, but the riddle isn't the answer to the quetion, but the answer to the riddle's question, is the answer to the answer of the riddle, which in turn then solves the riddles need of responding to the original qeution?

zoobyshoe

Oct6-03, 01:08 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What if the answer to the quetion, is found in a riddle, but the riddle isn't the answer to the quetion, but the answer to the riddle's question, is the answer to the answer of the riddle, which in turn then solves the riddles need of responding to the original qeution? This is obviously the non-denominational view of the issue but you have forgotten that this is a Southern Baptist matter with neo-presbeterian congregationalist overtones that was, you will remember, first introduced into the issue from the issues own sine qua non enigmatic riddilism, prior to any attempt to formulate riddilistic enigmaticism, which most practitioners of the art would agree is just a corruption of the qetion and anser format of inquirizational responsiveness joking in all earnestness, here, mysterious riddlism is something quite distinct altogether, obviously, but you have never ansered that point to your own complete confusion and cling to the illusion of pre-surrealistic quethtions andth anthers,(I mean that in the Parkinsonian, not Parsonian, mode) during which, the whole time, syntactical infelicity substitutes for humor instead of employing humor qua humor, but riddles wearing joke's clothing hiding behind the erroneously coughed up furball that lies at the earth's end.

Did Einstein ever know this kind of joy?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct7-03, 11:10 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Did Einstein ever know this kind of joy?
Actually, from some recent reading I found out that the "Joy" that Einstein enjoyed, was of another nature, as that was, apparently, the name of his "bateau au voile" that he used to enJOY, till the winds died, and the Suns set, and the Cows came back out "agin", in da mornin!

So, if you are running your computer, and the Cruise Control takes over and skids you out fiercely on the dry surface of the information highway, do you pick yourself back up again or, just stay down!??

zoobyshoe

Oct7-03, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons So, if you are running your computer, and the Cruise Control takes over and skids you out fiercely on the dry surface of the information highway, do you pick yourself back up again and restart/reboot/rerun, or, just stay down!??
I let my chauffeur and mechanic handle all that stuff.

Ooooo! I just heard the magnetic field flip! Should we now call the North Star the South Star?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct7-03, 01:06 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Ooooo! I just heard the magnetic field flip! Should we now call the North Star the South Star?
NOPE it's now the star formerly known as North, with the new combinatrix naming of SNORTH STAR and N'SOUTH STAR.
How did you hear the field flip. I thought I had done that entirely silently this time, musta been that confuctivationalmodulatrixing booberplayer timing.............

If the Earth's magnetic field flipped, and the last time nothing over 39 Kgs survived the toss, what are you going to do, this time, if you weigh in at 80 kgs?

zoobyshoe

Oct7-03, 01:38 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons If the Earth's magnetic field flipped, and the last time nothing over 39 Kgs survived the toss, what are you going to do, this time, if you weigh in at 80 kgs? Revert to my amoeboid state just before the event, divide into two 40 kg amoeba (amoebi?), wait it out, and when it is over think up a new user name for the new Zoobyshoe.
(Perhaps: Mr. Zooby Shoe.)

(Ah, comme je suis malin!) Where can one find one of those incredibly delicious pumpkin and liverwurst on sourdough sandwiches like they used to serve on the Rive Gauche, somewhere along le Rue de Lapin Mort, in the Cafe Vagabond back before the War?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct7-03, 01:56 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
(Ah, comme je suis malin!) Where can one find one of those incredibly delicious pumpkin and liverwurst on sourdough sandwiches like they used to serve on the Rive Gauche, somewhere along le Rue de Lapin Mort, in the Cafe Vagabond back before the War?
Not sure about that, but you could try here in Kingston, "The Store Famous" might have them, I was in there the other day, couldn't afford Fame, so I bought rolling papers instead, but maybe you could afford it, or one of those famous sandwiches.

So what would you do when you find out you have been running the proverbial race of "The Tortoise, and the Hare", you are the "Hare", and this writter is the "Tortoise", you realize that the race is a planetary one, 70 % of the planets face is water, "Tortoises" can swim really really well, and Hare's are nicknamed "Shark's Q'tips" to all Ocean dwellers?

P.S. There really is a store called "The Store Famous" here in Kingston, corner of York and Barrie.

zoobyshoe

Oct7-03, 02:33 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons So what would you do when you find out you have been running the proverbial race of "The Tortoise, and the Hare", you are the "Hare", and this writter is the "Tortoise", you realize that the race is a planetary one, 70 % of the planets face is water, "Tortoises" can swim really really well, and Hare's are nicknamed "Shark's Q'tips" to all Ocean dwellers?
Since the term "Shark's Q'tips" means "Of no use whatever to sharks", given they haven't any apparatus for manipulating a Q'tip and no interest in eating them, this is no concern. As for the expanse of water, this could be quite an obstacle. I think I will lie down, and take a nap, while my unconscious mind works it out.
P.S. There really is a store called "The Store Famous" here in Kingston, corner of York and Barrie. I know. I own that store.

Once, when I was dozing at a table outside a cafe in Paris called Le Lapin Dormant a somewhat familiar voice from a few tables away caught my attention, and, opening one eye slightly I was horrified to see it was my old high school math teacher, Mrs. Quadraticus, who was something like a cross between a screw at Alcatraz and a Tasmanian Devil. I dissapeared from the premises rapidly, and in the process, neglected the bill. This has been weighing on my conscience heavily in the intervening years and I wonder what I should do about it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct7-03, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Once, when I was dozing at a table outside a cafe in Paris called Le Lapin Dormant a somewhat familiar voice from a few tables away caught my attention, and, opening one eye slightly I was horrified to see it was my old high school math teacher, Mrs. Quadraticus, who was something like a cross between a screw at Alcatraz and a Tasmanian Devil. I dissapeared from the premises rapidly, and in the process, neglected the bill. This has been weighing on my conscience heavily in the intervening years and I wonder what I should do about it?
"Yes son, your dilema is very clear to us all here at the "Phone in Psychiatric Center", The "PPC" where every call is important to U$, surely you have realized that you should immediately phone Mrs. Quadraticus and apologize to her in full, with admonitions upon yourself for eternal damnations should you ever have such heathens thoughts, about such a pure woman, EvEr again, failing that, you should do a self imposed penance as recomended by Sister Aldat Dizcip'line, from 'Our Lady of The Oaken Rulers", she'll make darn certain that that old adage of "Give a man an inch, and he'll think he is a ruler", never crosses your mind, (or knuckles too) and from there you can led a live of purity, and chastity that is the life you have always dreamed of! From that, you can probably make New friends, and with them, earn yourself some real honest money, then you can go back to that sweet little cafe, in "Paras", like ya done told us, and work off your debt there too. Don't forget sweety, we have your credit card number, thanks bye!

What if all of a sudden, isn't?

zoobyshoe

Oct8-03, 09:48 AM

Originally murmured over the "Help For The Hapless Hotline" by Mr.Robin Parsons, defender of psychopathic math teachers and disciplinarian clergy, and soon-to-be Prime Tyrant of "The Canadian Nationalist Party Of The Too Distracted by Internet Interests To Be Employed":What if all of a sudden isn't?"
There are precedents for this, and one hears rumors, so don't be surprised if suddenness isn't as unexpected as you would anticipate.

Once, when I was snoring sweetly at a cab stand in Paris, waiting for one of those two horse power taxis ironically refered to as "Les Lapins Rapides" I dreampt I was repelling down the side of coordinate system K' and encountered several tortoises plodding along a vector roughly 67 degrees off the normal of my own in a coordinate system K9 that was in relative motion with K' at a leisurely velocty of roughly 2 mph. I though to myself that if I let go my hold and landed on the back of one of those tortoises I could take a nap there while it transported me. But I woke up to see the taxi driver staring me in the face saying "Alors! Vous venez ou non?" On the way to my little Chambre, I related the narrative of this dream to him, and he responded "Je sais. Tout le mond a le meme reve." And so: Does Mr.R.P., too, have the same dream?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct8-03, 10:37 AM

Originally snored into existence by the dream state of the "hariest of the hares" "slowest of the speedy" "deluded of the deluding, when being decieved" and generally "All round sound of emittent gases" zoobyshoe-The Foist, really number 12, in of all the "Books of ten"
Once, when I was snoring sweetly at a cab stand in Paris, waiting for one of those two horse power taxis ironically refered to as "Les Lapins Rapides" I dreampt I was repelling down the side of coordinate system K' and encountered several tortoises plodding along a vector roughly 67 degrees off the normal of my own in a coordinate system K9 that was in relative motion with K' at a leisurely velocty of roughly 2 mph. I though to myself that if I let go my hold and landed on the back of one of those tortoises I could take a nap there while it transported me. But I woke up to see the taxi driver staring me in the face saying "Alors! Vous venez ou non?" On the way to my little Chambre, I related the narrative of this dream to him, and he responded "Je sais. Tout le mond a le meme reve." And so: Does Mr.R.P., too, have the same dream?
Nope riding on a tortoises back is NOT on of my dreams cause I know all of those tortoises and I'll tell you about them, they look innocuous enough, but get near enough to any of them, and you will get to find out just how sharp a tortoises beak can be, nevermind the claws on the feet. See really they are the ones who employ the Sharks Q'tip's, use them for after going to the bathroom (or something like that) which is why you never find any washed up on the shoreline, well, except the ones that got away, but usually they are quite well marked, if they have any head, or brains, left at all (those kinds of tortoises are real fat lovers, and you brains is mostly fat sooo...) after those ones have had there way with anyone. So in conclusion, well clear enough, pedantic little ploglidites need not apply.

Just the other day I got a call from my foister sys, and was asked to assist them, in the Yukon, so I got on my bicycle and road out to the place that we had agreed upon. Arriving there the next day I noticed that my back wheel was slightly off, in the spoke tensioning, so grabbing my trusted spoke wrench I twisted the nipple till it cried out. My foister asked me to help, I had, and was now ready to return home to my tent, but wait, what had happened here?

zoobyshoe

Oct8-03, 11:46 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons who, grumpy, after a long, sleepless night trying, without success, to salvage his essentially meaningless "Shark's Q'tip" metaphore, came to the decision, for reasons only understandable to the mind of one who could put such extended thought into the subject of tortoises wiping themselves, to ask this oblique quetion:
...but wait, what had happened here?
Given the ambiguity of the evidence presented, any specific retort would be wild speculation. I would rather present an expression of hope that the character on the bicycle experienced an epiphany of some sort amounting to the realization that a "funny" thread on a public internet forum should not be confused with an opportunity to engage in not-so-thinly-veiled, somehat uncomfortably direct, man-on-an-analyst's-couch, freeform, monologising about personal problems which readers are in no position to address in any usefull manner under the circumstances, and who wish things could just go back to being whacky and careless here, there being many other locations for every nature of intense and serious discussion of authentic problems.

So, while you are waiting for Godot:

If this had been an actual emergency you should:

A. Burn the bicycle at the stake?

B. Place it in a crate and ship it to Batelles for efficiency testing?

C. Harness it to tortoises for a tow back to the Yukon?

E. Look up the word "sesquepedalian" in the Oxford English Dictionary?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct8-03, 12:53 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A. Burn the bicycle at the stake?

B. Place it in a crate and ship it to Batelles for efficiency testing?

C. Harness it to tortoises for a tow back to the Yukon?

E. Look up the word "sesquepedalian" in the Oxford English Dictionary?
F. explain to the self-inflated respondant that although he accuses of "too much time" to the other side, he too seems to have all the same amount of time, and uses his life experaince, oooop nay has none, otherwise he would have been able to discern the difference 'twixts people like him, and myself. After all, me engaging in any work, in this country, would be paramount to me paying taxes to the Facist who oppresses me, (how stupid is that?? or better put how stupid is the one who recomends that?? but I digress) and that is about as anti-democratic as one can possible get, (but he is an American what does he know about democracy??) so I would continue to venture forth, and include whatever I possible can to get a laugh (if possible) and including maligning myself, as I have in the past, but not maligning others (to severely) as it just isn't funny, as exemplified by the above posting.

Would you feed the hand that bites you?

EDIT Changed the quention!! lOOk!! over there!----------->>>

zoobyshoe

Oct8-03, 05:55 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Would you feed the hand that bites you?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because I can't really think of a horror movie that included the device of a hand with teeth, a biting hand. It seems that they've thought of just about everything, but that has never come up.

Once when I was at my villa in Italia, I overheard one of the servants saying to himself: "Nell'aria fredda della notte scura il mio spirito e invincible." At which, I had to chuckle, and say to myself, "Yeah, you wish." Given the facts of this anecdote how do you suppose Arnold Schwarzenegger won the election?

sandinmyears

Oct9-03, 08:13 AM

Do you think "Edelweiss" will become the new state song/anthem?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct9-03, 08:47 AM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Once when I was at my villa in Italia, I overheard one of the servants saying to himself: "Nell'aria fredda della notte scura il mio spirito e invincible." At which, I had to chuckle, and say to myself, "Yeah, you wish." Given the facts of this anecdote how do you suppose Arnold Schwarzenegger won the election?
Coupled with;
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Do you think "Edelweiss" will become the new state song/anthem?
Well the second quention answers the first quention, by way of an answer derived from the first quention's riddle, that isn't answered by the answer to the second question, but by an answer that comes from the answer to the second question, that answers the first quention's answer, by reference to the responce of the answer's quention.

Got that?

zoobyshoe

Oct9-03, 08:53 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Got that?
Got milk. Haven't got that.

If Peter pecker pricked a peck of pickle pickers, how many years would he get?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct9-03, 08:59 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If Peter pecker pricked a peck of pickle pickers, how many years would he get?
Time served, and about five years less then the person who dreamed up the question.

If you were travelling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?

zoobyshoe

Oct9-03, 09:04 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If you were travelling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?
I wouldn't mind being in space right now. In space I couldn't hear you get your tenses mixed up.

Now that Arnold S. is Governor of the state of California do you think we'll be seceding from the Union?

sandinmyears

Oct9-03, 09:21 AM

ALTERNATIVE ANSWER:

Time served, and about five years less then the person who dreamed up the question.

Q: If you were travelling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?

A: If I were to serve time, outer space would be the space to do it where time has no meaning.
__________________________________________________ ____________________

Now that Arnold S. is Governor of the state of California do you think we'll be seceding from the Union?

A: If you resign from the union, you may find yourself in the same predicament as Jimmy Hoffa. :D

Q: When all it said and done and fought and tried to all avail,
Do you keep on pushing, fighting, trying, or give in and vote for Dan Quayle?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct9-03, 07:14 PM

Origianlly posted by sandinmyears
Q: When all it said and done and fought and tried to all avail,
Do you keep on pushing, fighting, trying, or give in and vote for Dan Quayle?
Well, being from Canada, Yeah sure!

If trying, and fighting, and effort and everything you do/try doesn't work, why is it that then, and only then, nOt trying, is the thing to try?

zoobyshoe

Oct9-03, 07:21 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If trying, and fighting, and effort and everything you do/try doesn't work, why is it that then, and only then, nOt trying, is the thing to try?
You cannot try to not try without trying. Try tickling.

Whyis Mr. Robin Parsons up past his bedtime?

sandinmyears

Oct9-03, 08:21 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Why is Mr. Robin Parsons up past his bedtime?

A: Though robins are typically known to go to bed (and wake up) early, parsons, on the other hand, must stay up late in order to contact the members of their congregation on a regular basis.

Q: In the Guiness Book of World Records, who was the youngest person to have ever been born?

photon

Oct9-03, 09:28 PM

They were about 2i years old. ("i" is for imaginary number.)

What does the "T" stand for in T-shirt?

sandinmyears

Oct10-03, 12:11 AM

Originally posted by photon
What does the "T" stand for in T-shirt?

A: "T"

Q: Is it really Dolly Parton's hair that makes her "top heavy?"

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct10-03, 08:56 AM

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: Is it really Dolly Parton's hair that makes her "top heavy?"
PSsssst NOPE! Pssssst it's really her Brain!

Since Dolly Parton is already World ReKnown, will typing her name, here, make her even more Famous?

zoobyshoe

Oct10-03, 09:08 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Since Dolly Parton is already World ReKnown, will typing her name, here, make her even more Famous?
It will, and you will be happy to know she is already on a plane on her way to Kingston to personally
thank you. (Clean up the tent!)

Given the impending marriage between Dolly and Mr. Robin Parsons, won't it simply be easier for all involved for Mr. Robin Parsons to become Mr. Robin Parton than it would be for Dolly Parton to become Dolly Parsons?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct11-03, 10:42 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
(Clean up the tent!) DONE!!
Given the impending marriage between Dolly and Mr. Robin Parsons, won't it simply be easier for all involved for Mr. Robin Parsons to become Mr. Robin Parton than it would be for Dolly Parton to become Dolly Parsons?
Nah, I would become Mr. Dolly Parton, and she could become Mrs. Dolly Parton!

If the situation was, somehow, rearranged such that it was actually Greg Bernhardt who was going to marry Ms. Parton, what would that result in?

zoobyshoe

Oct11-03, 01:39 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the situation was, somehow, rearranged such that it was actually Greg Bernhardt who was going to marry Ms. Parton, what would that result in? As with anyone who married her he would find himself with more than a handful to handle.

Is is true that the common "June Bug" has sences which enable it to detect AM frequencies, thus accounting for its inability to demonstrate anything amounting to "skill" when it comes to landing at the end of a flight?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct12-03, 03:09 PM

Originally postulated by zoobyshoe
Is is true that the common "June Bug" has sences which enable it to detect AM frequencies, thus accounting for its inability to demonstrate anything amounting to "skill" when it comes to landing at the end of a flight?
Well while reading the latest edition of "The Ontological Musings of The Temporally Neophytic vernal Flying Insect" I came across the quotation of the premature Author ranting something along the lines of enjoying the cronings of people like Conway Twitty, The Melodies of J. Cash, the tunes of a Ms. Dolly Parton as well, but some aside notation of him clamouring about a friend of his, who, apparently was born with crossed antennae, and seems to be under the impression that he is about to come into a small horde of Human possessions, a truck, a house, a guitar, a wife, a dog, a tractor, that kind of stuff, so who knows?

Well then, that does beg the question, Who knows?

sandinmyears

Oct12-03, 06:18 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...seems to be under the impression that he is about to come into a small horde of Human possessions, a truck, a house, a guitar, a wife, a dog, a tractor, that kind of stuff, so who knows?

Well then, that does beg the question, Who knows?

A: I fail to find the question you are begging.

Q: If E(minor) is the relative minor to G(major); A(minor) is the relative minor to C(major); and D(minor) is the relative minor to F(major); then according to Einstein's theory of relativity, what key should Dolly Parton be singing in if her bra cup side is a "Double D"?

zoobyshoe

Oct12-03, 07:33 PM

Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: If E(minor) is the relative minor to G(major); A(minor) is the relative minor to C(major); and D(minor) is the relative minor to F(major); then according to Einstein's theory of relativity, what key should Dolly Parton be singing in if her bra cup side is a "Double D"?
One doesn't need relativity to know that as long as she is wearing a Well-Tempered Brassiere her singing will sound good in all keys.

They say Bach had 21 children because his organ had no stops.
Others have suggested he had an instinct for choosing wives who never suffered from headaches. What is the real reason behind his prolificity?

FZ+

Oct13-03, 07:46 PM

Bach was an early pioneer of Everett's many worlds theory, and hence was able to exploit loopholes in the laws of the universe to "interact" briefly across universes - as long as he was really quick about it, he had all the energy for the "reactions" he required just from quantum uncertainty.

Where's the fun in that?

zoobyshoe

Oct13-03, 11:20 PM

Originally posted by FZ+ Where's the fun in that?
Well, it's counterintuitive fun.

Sometime after the War of 1812 but before World War One, I found myself to be the age of fourteen., and, that being the case, I ran away from home and found employment aboard a whaler out of Falmouth, Massachusettes, USA. One day, not very far at all off the coast of Tenerife, another sailor and I were pulling the holystone back and forth across the deck scraping up the drippings from the recent tarring of the ratlines, when all of a sudden my companion in this task pinned my ears back to my scull by breaking out into a full-voiced sea chanty whose lyrics were the foulest you could imagine and whose content was the story of an imaginary unnatural relationship he proposed was taking place on a regular basis between the old man and the first mate.

What do you do with a drunken sailor?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct14-03, 12:21 PM

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Do you mean before you hijack them, to become a drunken sailor, or post hijacking, cause post hijacking is easier, push!

If the planet turns it's full circumference (~25,000 mi) in 24 hrs, (~1,100 mph) how the heck do we get twenty five time zones?????, on the face of the planet?

Tom Mattson

Oct16-03, 05:43 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the planet turns it's full circumference (~25,000 mi) in 24 hrs, (~1,100 mph) how the heck do we get twenty five time zones?????, on the face of the planet?

Time is dilated at the equator. This is a well-known result of the Theory of General Triviality.

If humans weren't meant to eat animals, then why are animals made of meat?

zoobyshoe

Oct16-03, 10:04 PM

Originally posted by Tom If humans weren't meant to eat animals, then why are animals made of meat?
We cannot eat animals because they have a face. You cannot eat anything with a face. The meat at the store, is different from animal meat, because it doesn't have a face. I don't know how they get the faces onto the meat when they make it into animals, but once they do, you can't eat it.

If you kidnap a kitten are you a catnapper?

Doc

Oct16-03, 10:16 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe

If you kidnap a kitten are you a catnapper?

No, you just saved it from getting eaten by my dog!

If the earth is 'fatter' around the middle (equator) then it has to be farther from the center (on average) than any other point on the planet. Why is it then that water flows towards the equator when it is clearly UP HILL?

The above question has a serious answer which I would HOPE that many of you would know. Feel free to answer it in ANY way you choose.

zoobyshoe

Oct16-03, 10:47 PM

[i]Originally posted by The above question has a serious answer which I would HOPE that many of you would know. Feel free to answer it in ANY way you choose.
In that case let me tell you about life on my homeplanet, Zoobonia, where there is no equator. There are four magnetic poles, all in constant motion, and the axis of rotation shifts at the drop of a hat. This is why hats are outlawed. Water runs anywhere it wants there because each molecule is outfitted with its own little feet and zoobyshoes. We spend most of our time catching water. Sometimes these things we have there that are something like skunks fall into the water traps and it's very unpleasant to get them out.

What's the least unpleasant way to get a zoobonian sort-of-like-a-skunk-thing out of a water trap?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct17-03, 01:11 PM

Originally asked by a quizical zoobonian
What's the least unpleasant way to get a zoobonian sort-of-like-a-skunk-thing out of a water trap?
Well in these kind of cuircumstances, it is best if you just leave the little sucker there till they either, die of natural causes, or leave of their own accord, as anything else you try will result in a zoobinian skunk-like-thing-a-ma-jogger spraying you completely, without remorse, with an odor that cannot be described, suffice to say it is as near lethal, as lethal can be, without being lethal.

How close can you get to lethal without being lethal?

zoobyshoe

Oct17-03, 01:45 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How close can you get to lethal without being lethal?
No Zoobonian would be able to answer that quetion because on Zoobonia life and death are quantized: you're either one or the other. If a zoobie flops over and stops moving, he's dead. If he's not dead he won't flop over and stop moving.
This was a big problem for me when I first came to this planet and went big game hunting. I shot a bear and it flopped over and stopped moving. I guess you can imagine what happened next

What happened next?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct23-03, 01:17 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What happened next?
It arose, and asked this stupid quention........

If a bear does "their business" in the woods, why do they keep getting those ridiculus residual cheques, from those 'toilet paper people', every week, in the mail?

zoobyshoe

Oct24-03, 05:14 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If a bear does "their business" in the woods, why do they keep getting those ridiculus residual cheques, from those 'toilet paper people', every week, in the mail?
Toilet paper comes from trees. Trees are protected by Smokey The Bear who frequently cautions: "Only you can prevent forest fires!"

So these checks are under-the-table payments in remuneration for the demeaning dog-and-pony show bears are always putting on for people who come across them in the woods when they don their hats and, pretending to be Smokey, tell them not to burn the woods down.
No woods, no toilet paper. That's what the companies are up to.

When bears rub their backs on trees to allieviate the terrible itching the trees are suffering in their dry, cracking bark, isn't it nice of them?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct24-03, 12:12 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When bears rub their backs on trees to allieviate the terrible itching the trees are suffering in their dry, cracking bark, isn't it nice of them?
That's funny, and the Bears told me it was all a "Conspiracy Theory" Ha hahahahahahaahh!

If the Bears really are being nice to the trees, how is it that the trees reciprocate?

zoobyshoe

Oct24-03, 07:19 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the Bears really are being nice to the trees, how is it that the trees reciprocate?
The trees provide cover for the bears to hide behind when relieving themselves.

When someone is standing behind a tree staring at it, can the tree sence it is being watched? Or can it only see out the front?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct25-03, 04:27 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When someone is standing behind a tree staring at it, can the tree sence it is being watched? Or can it only see out the front?
The answer to the quention, can be found, simply, by standing 'Behind' a tree!

When a tree "releaves" itself in the woods, what does it use as wipe?

zoobyshoe

Oct27-03, 02:28 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When a tree "releaves" itself in the woods, what does it use as wipe?
In general I know myself not to be qualified to address Botany quetions, therefore your best bet is to call your local chapter of The Society For The Advanced Study Of Plant Excretions who, I'm sure, will be able to placate your curiosity about this.

If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, who is there to free the bears that get trapped by the falling tree, because they were too distracted doing their "business" to get out of the way?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct27-03, 09:13 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, who is there to free the bears that get trapped by the falling tree, because they were too distracted doing their "business" to get out of the way?
The Society For The Advanced Study Of Plant Excretions, which is why when I called, them no one was there!

If a member of a society, isn't there, are they still a member?

zoobyshoe

Oct27-03, 10:41 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If a member of a society, isn't there, are they still a member?
To the best of my knowledge, most societies operate on the opposite of the Hotel California principle: you can leave any time you want, but you can't check out.

If a bear falls over in the woods and there's no one to hear it, would the bear's own testimony as to whether it made a sound be acceptable?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct27-03, 10:51 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a bear falls over in the woods and there's no one to hear it, would the bear's own testimony as to whether it made a sound be acceptable?
(i)D(i)Dot Typisssst here, as lawyer for the bears my client invokes his "Fifth Amendament" Rights, refuses to responce on the ground(s) of his inability to do so, and my refusal to translate anything he can, does, or might, mention to me.

* How stupid do you need to be, to write out a joke, send it to The Johnny Carson Show, only to remember, later, that the place that you learned the joke from, was watching The Johnny Carson show!!??

P.S. * Actually did that! [o)]

zoobyshoe

Oct27-03, 11:05 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
* How stupid do you need to be, to write out a joke, send it to The Johnny Carson Show, only to remember, later, that the place that you learned the joke from, was watching The Johnny Carson show!!??
Degree of stupidity is not the issue here. This is a matter of a very special and entertaining variety of stupidity the likes of which were not seen again till this thread.

If a comedian falls over in the woods, and there's no one there to laugh at him, is it still funny?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct27-03, 11:53 AM

Originally asked by a rapacious zoobyshoe
If a comedian falls over in the woods, and there's no one there to laugh at him, is it still funny?
Depends upon the angle of the fall, and does he do a "tuck and roll" and most importantly, was he hit by the tree, cause YA, it's (not) funny!!

If you run out of funnies, should you begin to make them up??

Zargawee

Oct27-03, 12:28 PM

If you run out of funnies, should you begin to make them up??
Nahh , I will import them. I won't bother myself with that [zz)]

Why human can't talk to cats while cats can talk to cats ? are cats more intelligent than human ?

Mattius_

Oct27-03, 12:45 PM

Has anyone kept up with and read everyone of these 54 pages of post???

zoobyshoe

Oct27-03, 07:19 PM

Originally posted by Zargawee are cats more intelligent than human ?
Of course they are! Haven't you ever looked up to see your cat staring at you? It's like they know something!

If a cat falls over in the woods what was it doing walking on two feet in the first place?

syano

Oct27-03, 08:04 PM

If a cat falls over in the woods what was it doing walking on two feet in the first place?

The cat was praying…it’s impossible for cats to pray without putting their two front hands together in front of their face, so they stand up to free up their hands.

Does a cat in the woods get sidetracked if it falls down in the middle of a prayer?

zoobyshoe

Oct28-03, 06:35 AM

Originally posted by syano Does a cat in the woods get sidetracked if it falls down in the middle of a prayer? I shouldn't think so. Probably all that happens is it will go to hell.

When I was in college, back before World War One, the physics professor once delivered an extrordinary lecture on the true nature of the Aether, which he likened to a fishbowl sitting in a spring fed pool, whose surface was continually disturbed by pebbles tossed by careless children. No one had the vaguest idea what he meant. He backed it all up with formulas and even tossed pebbles at the students. Then he began plucking hairs from his beard, one by one, and holding them up for us to examine cried: "See?, See?" We all left, never returned to his lectures, and were all shocked to discover we had been given high grades when the year was over.

Given the facts of the above anecdote, if a debearded professor falls over into a spring-fed pool while clutching pebbles and crying "See?, See?" but theres no one there to hear him, does the Aether still exist?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Oct28-03, 11:52 AM

Originally penned by an emotionally stable, yet pensive and curious zoobyshoe
Given the facts of the above anecdote, if a debearded professor falls over into a spring-fed pool while clutching pebbles and crying "See?, See?" but theres no one there to hear him, does the Aether still exist?
Thats hillarious, I was just havng this very debate just last week with my world reknown Ontological Professor Dr. Dot Diit. They stated that the proving of it was expletive, inasmuch as, it's obviousness was only slightly precluded by it's opacity, coupled to it's clear diaphaneous nature that provided a translucent view of the zero light value emissions that are know to occur for such and such a regions of space. Now as long as he doesn't drop the pebbles, then you will have what you saught, from the outset, but the truest of proofs is clearly inset in the bubbles of expression of proof, that is the "See See" statements, as they eminate from within the actual mediums supposed existent vacuum.

Given that strength of proof, should anyone in the entirely of the planetoidial region, decide anything other then the obvious?

zoobyshoe

Oct30-03, 04:36 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Given that strength of proof, should anyone in the entirely of the planetoidial region, decide anything other then the obvious?
The answer to that leading quetion, leads me to its answer, namely: that very goal toward which the bait draws the respondant, which, in less clear terms, could be thought of as an affirmative or anti-negative conclusion. But that might be too hasty. So let me look more closely at the word obvious. Let me repeat it to myself so many times it is no longer obvious what it means, which is a meaningless way of obviating the quetion about the word obvious, a statement which means more than it sounds like it means, but I don't expect that to be obvious to anyone.

What percentage of people reading that do you suppose understood it?

sandinmyears

Oct30-03, 05:36 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What percentage of people reading that do you suppose understood it?

A: I'm sorry Zooby, could you please restate that? I didn't quite understand your quetion? [:D]

Q: If you pull off a flies wings, is he now a "walk?"

And no, Zooby, I didn't steal that quetion from "you know who." He stole it from me in a telepone (note the mispelling) conversation. It was mine first. [;)]

zoobyshoe

Oct31-03, 07:43 AM

Originally posted by sandinmyears
If you pull off a flies wings, is he now a "walk?"
This quetion makes assumptions about the possesive form of the word "fly" that I don't think the quetioner is qualified to make. It additionally makes assumptions about the gender of the the fly that are gratuitous, and therefore, superfluous. It also makes assumptions about the status of the fly in terms of it being living or dead. For if we start to ponder whether or not a change in its ability to fly requires a change in its name, then we might just as well ask if all non-living flies shouldn't be called "lies".

If you pull the wings off a boeing 747 what do you call it?

sandinmyears

Nov1-03, 12:41 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If you pull the wings off a boeing 747 what do you call it?

A: Why, a "crashing 747," ofcourse.

Q: Does mozzerella cheese support the "String Theory?"

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov1-03, 08:55 AM

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: Does mozzerella cheese support the "String Theory?"
Only when it is supported by a circular distribution apparatus with it's incumbent "meteoritic" facing.

Why does the face of a pepperoni pizza, look like (all strung out) meteor crators?

S = k log w

Nov1-03, 02:43 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Only when it is supported by a circular distribution apparatus with it's incumbent "meteoritic" facing.

Why does the face of a pepperoni pizza, look like (all strung out) meteor crators?

Because of the collisions of the Chucky Cheese Particles (ccP)

Queton: Since "Queton" is a Brie cheese http://www.finefoodworld.co.uk/html/2002win.htm

shouldn't it be the Brie theory? [pro]

sandinmyears

Nov1-03, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by S = k log w
Queton: Since "Queton" is a Brie cheese http://www.finefoodworld.co.uk/html/2002win.htm
shouldn't it be the Brie theory? [pro] [/B]

A: Ah, but it's QUETION, not QUETON. Note the spelling. (Or mispelling). String cheese would be more appropriate.

Q: If Einstein stuck his finger in an electric socket, would it relax his hair?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov1-03, 06:37 PM

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: If Einstein stuck his finger in an electric socket, would it relax his hair?
Nope! straightened it right out and the give it a curvature of spacetime every time he turned his head. (a novel demonstration device he called it)

If you are using "Strung out Cheese Brie" theoretic's, shouldn't your questions eventually cause the arousal of gaseous eminations?

Zeke

Nov2-03, 12:31 AM

i sUpporat publick Educashun haha just a joke

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov2-03, 08:58 AM

Originally posted by Zeke
i sUpporat publick Educashun haha just a joke
Apparently........

sandinmyears

Nov2-03, 02:39 PM

Originally posted by Zeke
i sUpporat publick Educashun haha just a joke

Actually, I used to be an elementary education teacher and at that time there was a trend to encourage the child to write the way that felt right to encourage him or her to be creative.
[o)]

So lets see some creativity Zeke!

~Sandy

______________
BACK TO STUPID QUETIONS:
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons:If you are using "Strung out Cheese Brie" theoretic's, shouldn't your questions eventually cause the arousal of gaseous eminations?

Zeke

Nov2-03, 10:47 PM

i saw it on a t-shirt and thought it was funny i go to public school and i do just fine

zoobyshoe

Nov3-03, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons If you are using "Strung out Cheese Brie" theoretic's, shouldn't your questions eventually cause the arousal of gaseous eminations?
An insightful and quite correct supposition, clearly based on intuition honed by years of experience in the field of gastrointestinal/cheese interaction. However you will be rejected by the mainstream till you can provide equasions. Work some up in your spare time and the Nobel pize will be forthcoming.

This (cheese), and the subject of "meteoritic facings" naturally segues into lunar issues: if the moon were composed of cheese (notice I am not asserting it is, this is a hypothetical proposition only) how long could the cheese needs of humanity be met by the quantity of cheese represented by the moon?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov3-03, 11:57 AM

Originally posted by a chesse filled, ergo-eubulent, zoobyshoe
This (cheese), and the subject of "meteoritic facings" naturally segues into lunar issues: if the moon were composed of cheese (notice I am not asserting it is, this is a hypothetical proposition only) how long could the cheese needs of humanity be met by the quantity of cheese represented by the moon?
Humm, you obviously have read the proposal, now we are going to need to.....well, forge!!t you ever even though of this question, eh buddy, as the Bioys, "Rocky" and "Bustr" are not gonna like it if the "Big Cheese" (ifin's ya knows whats I means) gets wind of the fact that you have effectively proposed taking over The Bosses new, and latest, business venture...if I was youse buddy, I'd change my name.......and leave town, something like that if ya gets my drift.........oh ya, the Bosse's figures indicate that given that the moon, as edible cheese, is ten percent of the Earths weight, the cheese should last at least until 2012.

WHat the heck is a "Bustr"?

MSI

Nov14-03, 01:37 PM

it is a groub of letters making an unusable word like my ones [:))]

what is the @@@@ when it goes to the $$$$ and it get the ####, go up down?
now that is a stuped question [;)]

sandinmyears

Nov14-03, 03:43 PM

Tsk Tsk. Not supposed to use 4-letter-words. [g)]

zoobyshoe

Nov15-03, 11:45 PM

Originally posted by MSI what is the @@@@ when it goes to the $$$$ and it get the ####, go up down?
Obviously an economics quetion. Sell your stock in NBC, buy four goldfish, name two of them, let the other two choose their own names, don't ever let them look through telescopes, and make sure they pay their own cable bills.

If you spent 30,000.00 to have your face surgically altered to resemble a goldfish, who would really care?

FZ+

Nov16-03, 11:23 AM

The guy who is selling you the surgery would.

How much are you willing to pay for breast implants for your dog?

BoulderHead

Nov16-03, 12:27 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
How much are you willing to pay for breast implants for your dog?
I'd 'blow my wad' in order to raise the self-esteem of my beloved pet. [:D]

Would calf-implants for the beloved canine be considered extravagant?

J-Man

Nov16-03, 12:31 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
How much are you willing to pay for breast implants for your dog?
I'm tempted to give $0.02, but that is probably far over the going rate.

If they stopped making pennies, how would people be able to give their 2 cents?

selfAdjoint

Nov16-03, 02:05 PM

Originally posted by J-Man
I'm tempted to give $0.02, but that is probably far over the going rate.

If they stopped making pennies, how would people be able to give their 2 cents?

Write a check.

If arithmetic is incomplete, how many times can you put your two cents in without reaching a contradiction?

Moni

Nov16-03, 05:17 PM

Each and every forum you'll find Avatars after you name...
why???

FZ+

Nov16-03, 07:27 PM

If arithmetic is incomplete, how many times can you put your two cents in without reaching a contradiction?
###ERROR!!&$5321###

Each and every forum you'll find Avatars after you name...
Because in between snacks on the eighth day, God said....

How many monkeys and how much time would it take to type out the complete works of Shakespeare, on Microsoft Word?

BoulderHead

Nov16-03, 10:35 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
How many monkeys and how much time would it take to type out the complete works of Shakespeare, on Microsoft Word? [/B]
In such a case the Creationists would be 100% correct; it's impossible !!

*now for a rehash compilation*

If you could determine how long it would take for a grasshopper with a peg leg to poke out all the seeds in a dill pickle, and you could compute how long it would take for a rooster to hatch a hardware store out of a brass doorknob, could you calculate how far a rat turd would have to drop in order to break a shingle?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov17-03, 10:37 AM

Originally posted by BoulderHead
If you could determine how long it would take for a grasshopper with a peg leg to poke out all the seeds in a dill pickle, and you could compute how long it would take for a rooster to hatch a hardware store out of a brass doorknob, could you calculate how far a rat turd would have to drop in order to break a shingle?
Humm, Yes!, Hummm, Yes!, and about the distance from that last thoughts 'inception to completion/execution'!

How would you feel if you were the messenger who had to deliver the message, to Sir Isaac Newton, that the Scientific community, of the year 2003, had decided to rescind his accreditations for his presentation of the "Laws of Motion" ("An object at rest..." etc.) on the basis that they were not presented in a mathematical/quantitative manner?

selfAdjoint

Nov17-03, 11:35 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Humm, Yes!, Hummm, Yes!, and about the distance from that last thoughts 'inception to completion/execution'!

How would you feel if you were the messenger who had to deliver the message, to Sir Isaac Newton, that the Scientific community, of the year 2003, had decided to rescind his accreditations for his presentation of the "Laws of Motion" ("An object at rest..." etc.) on the basis that they were not presented in a mathematical/quantitative manner?

Smug.

And if you were Sir Isaac, how would you defend yourself?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov17-03, 04:25 PM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
And if you were Sir Isaac, how would you defend yourself?
Numerically! of course.........

How are you going to defend Sir Isaac Newton's work, numerically?

selfAdjoint

Nov17-03, 09:28 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Numerically! of course.........

How are you going to defend Sir Isaac Newton's work, numerically?

Transcendentally, to be sure.

Is it irrational to argue transcendentally?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov18-03, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
Is it irrational to argue transcendentally?
Only if you use "Rational Imaginary Calculus"

What the heck do you do when you were hired to install a "Dumphries wall", the owner calls you up to tell you that he is "Certain it doesn't work" cause every morning he comes out, touches it, and it's cold, so he now wants you to warranty your work??

zoobyshoe

Nov25-03, 07:52 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What the heck do you do when you were hired to install a "Dumphries wall", the owner calls you up to tell you that he is "Certain it doesn't work" cause every morning he comes out, touches it, and it's cold, so he now wants you to warranty your work?? You explain to him that the sensation of cold upon touching a Dumphrie's Wall is a sure sign of a rare neurological disorder and that the wall doesn't need a warrantee, it needs a neurologist. Conversly, it may only need a large, egg shaped man to sit on it and keep it warm, but that he should be secured there with a seat belt. In other words, you can provide this egg shaped man, but he (the wall owner) will have to provide you with a warrantee that he will not let the man have a great fall.

If your last name was Dumpfrie and your parents gave you the first name: "Humpfrie", could all the King's psychologists and all the King's shrinks ever put you together again?

Silverious

Nov25-03, 11:38 AM

They'd get me in stitches if they tried.

What is the last number in pi?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov25-03, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by Silverious
What is the last number in pi?
Seven! (it follows the twenty two {22} that it divides!)

If a large 'egg' shaped man, came over to your house, and asked to be allowed to sit upon your "Dumphries wall" as to warm his backside, would you let him in?

zoobyshoe

Nov25-03, 05:16 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons If a large 'egg' shaped man, came over to your house, and asked to be allowed to sit upon your "Dumphries wall" as to warm his backside, would you let him in?
Certainly, as long as he agreed to sing "I am the egg man, they are the egg men, I am the Walrus! Goo goo ga-joob", for the duration.

If Humpty had lived long enough to hatch, what would have come out?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov25-03, 07:36 PM

Originally posted by "The Ova" zoobyshoe
If Humpty had lived long enough to hatch, what would have come out?
Obviously 'Dumpty'!! [6)] [6)] ( [*(] [*(] )

So you are "running up a hill, to fetch a pail of water", the Great Pumpkin is smiling down upon you because of your gracious attitude, you slip, fall down into a deep well, (past a sleeping rabbit) landing on your head, you awake, and find out that you are at home, but this isn't really your home, this is your antimatter home in the "Antimatter Universe", (parallel to ours) consequently if you meet your "opposite" (charge/state) BOTH Universes will be destroyed, and look, here you come now, what do you say to yourself to keep yourself from destroying BOTH Universes????? (eh what???)

zoobyshoe

Nov26-03, 09:59 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons So you are "running up a hill, to fetch a pail of water", the Great Pumpkin is smiling down upon you because of your gracious attitude, you slip, fall down into a deep well, (past a sleeping rabbit) landing on your head, you awake, and find out that you are at home, but this isn't really your home, this is your antimatter home in the "Antimatter Universe", (parallel to ours) consequently if you meet your "opposite" (charge/state) BOTH Universes will be destroyed, and look, here you come now, what do you say to yourself to keep yourself from destroying BOTH Universes????? (eh what???)
Thinking rapidly in antimatter mode, you ask yourself "What would I need to hear if I were him to make me stop?" You then realize he is wondering the same thing about you. Slowly, you back away from each other. Then you realize each of you is, chaotically, about to reverse charge, but that a ten minute interval of neutrality will preceed during which it will be possible to shake hands, ask how the family is doing, and remind each other to feed the cat as you prepare to exchange lives in each others respective universe.

Given the extrordinary number of feathers growing from the body of the average bird, where do they find the closet space to hang them all up when they go to bed at night?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov26-03, 12:00 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Given the extrordinary number of feathers growing from the body of the average bird, where do they find the closet space to hang them all up when they go to bed at night?
As a nesting "Robin" (in a tent) I can attest to the fact of the clear absence of closet space in any, and all, nesting facilities, BUT I have been authorized, by my fellow "fliers" to allude to the actual, and real, manner of storage (overnight) of our feathered suits...................."and you thought all of those eggs were babies??"

Given zoobyshoe's obsession with the Prime Minster of Canada, don't you think it's about time the two met?

zoobyshoe

Nov26-03, 07:10 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Given zoobyshoe's obsession with the Prime Minster of Canada, don't you think it's about time the two met?
Believe me, my people have called his people dozens of times trying to arrange just such a meeting, but he always bows out claiming that he's afraid to leave the country because a tent dwelling rabble rouser in Kingston is poised to launch a coup d'etat the moment he departs Canadian soil.

How would you account for it is you awoke in your tent one night to the sound of something sizzling, a strong odor of rotten eggs (H2S) a shower of sparks visible through the crack in the front flaps, and, from behind the tent, a Bach harpsichord partita being played by none other than Seymour Hayden?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov27-03, 04:04 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How would you account for it is you awoke in your tent one night to the sound of something sizzling, a strong odor of rotten eggs (H2S) a shower of sparks visible through the crack in the front flaps, and, from behind the tent, a Bach harpsichord partita being played by none other than Seymour Hayden?
Clearly, they found me! (and apparently I had just flatulated, sorry [*(] [o)] ) (and the *sparks* are from the flares they were using, to light there way into the deep, dark, cavernous, field, that I am curently tenting in)

So now that I have been "found", where the heck does one go from here?

zoobyshoe

Nov29-03, 03:20 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons So now that I have been "found", where the heck does one go from here?
One interesting option might be to quickly smear some lipstick on, step out into the harsh searchlights and announce "I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille." Then, while they are preoccupied wrestling the big panavision into position for this important shot, run like hell for the woods.

In the event you are really too confused about this thing with an electron having 3/3 charge to make heads or tales out of it, are you required to pay your electric bill anyway?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Nov30-03, 05:56 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In the event you are really too confused about this thing with an electron having 3/3 charge to make heads or tales out of it, are you required to pay your electric bill anyway?
Absolutely, ALL 3 thirds of it!

How many electrons, do you pay for, every month?

revesz

Nov30-03, 08:06 PM

How many electrons, do you pay for, every month?
I paid for 53385946837488 electrons last month.

Whats the going price on electrons these days?[

demoremda

Dec2-03, 01:37 PM

Hi ppl,
where can i file my stupid questions?[6)]

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec2-03, 03:12 PM

Originally posted by revesz
Whats the going price on electrons these days?
A little slice of "Truth and Beauty" (or is that 'top' and 'bottom')

Is that really a 'strangely' 'charming' quention??

Subset:
Originally inserted by demoremda
where can i file my stupid questions?
In the same place you have seemed to have misplaced your "Stupid quention" file!

Quention? see above!

zoobyshoe

Dec2-03, 11:36 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Is that really a 'strangely' 'charming' quention??
I am not among those who were strangely charmed by it, so I cannot speak for them, but I will say it was a charmingly strange quetion, if you look at it from 37 degrees west of the old firehouse in Abernathy, Texas at 5:32 AM on any clear June morning, provided there are no disproportionate magnetic disturbances.

What kind of shampoo do electrons use to keep their field lines so rich, full, and long (no split ends)?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec3-03, 07:21 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What kind of shampoo do electrons use to keep their field lines so rich, full, and long (no split ends)?
"Heisenburg Dual purpose Shampoo" helps your "field lines" to keep both their momentum, and position!

Why is "Heisenburg Shampoo" THE only choice for washing, rinsing, and conditioning your electrons??

zoobyshoe

Dec3-03, 02:45 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Why is "Heisenburg Shampoo" THE only choice for washing, rinsing, and conditioning your electrons??
I'm really not certain.

Since all electrons repell all other electrons, and electrons are indivisible, how do they reproduce?

selfAdjoint

Dec3-03, 04:31 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I'm really not certain.

Since all electrons repell all other electrons, and electrons are indivisible, how do they reproduce?

By spooky action at a distance.

How do spooks act when they are close up?

zoobyshoe

Dec3-03, 04:49 PM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint How do spooks act when they are close up?
They generally flash their CIA credentials and ask alot of questions.

How can you ever be sure that your cat, who seems to lie there for hours just watchingyou, isn't working for the CIA?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec3-03, 08:17 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
How can you ever be sure that your cat, who seems to lie there for hours just watchingyou, isn't working for the CIA?
You can tell, the second that its waveform collapses, hologram is over.......knock on the door.......YIKES!! [o)] [o)]

What do you say to the drunk, who shows up at your door, claiming to be your 'long-lost' drinking partner, and you're only twelve!

zoobyshoe

Dec4-03, 01:58 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you say to the drunk, who shows up at your door, claiming to be your 'long-lost' drinking partner, and you're only twelve!
Given the terrible fondness I had for demon rum between the ages of 5 and 9 years of age, I would believe him. However, that doesn't mean I would let him in.

On a recent trip to the Congo I had the honor of discovering a new species of microorganism which has the amazing ability to mimic the facial characteristics of all US presidents from the current holder of that office all the way back to Herbert Hoover. What possible evolutionary function could this ability have been selected out to serve?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec4-03, 06:48 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
On a recent trip to the Congo I had the honor of discovering a new species of microorganism which has the amazing ability to mimic the facial characteristics of all US presidents from the current holder of that office all the way back to Herbert Hoover. What possible evolutionary function could this ability have been selected out to serve?
Dang you zoob, now you need to be, AHEM *deleted*, how the heck did you find out about that plan, that one was the 'toppest' of "Top Secrets", the most covert of undercover covertness that could be applied, not since 'Area 52' has anything so sensitive been leaked out to the general public, and it's all your respocibility zoob, that plan was to develop a bacteria that could be used in case of an attack upon West Edmonton Mall, here in Canada. The idea was that as the terrorist came to plant their stuff, the bacteria, recognizing any terrorist by odor, would instantaneously tranmutate into a full life size form of several Former/Past Presidents of the U.S. who would then arrest and handcuff the "shocked" (and "awed") criminal/terrorist. (Bacteria can hide well in an urban environment)

Ah well "Go with plan B, boys............"

Now that the zoob has let slip your nations most important, and advanced, weapons defence system, what the heck is going to defend the U.S.A. (and the rst of North America) now?

zoobyshoe

Dec4-03, 07:05 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Now that the zoob has let slip your nations most important, and advanced, weapons defence system, what the heck is going to defend the U.S.A. (and the rst of North America) now?
Fortunately, there is still Z.O.O.B.Y.: The Zombie Optimized for Online Battle and Yardwork.

On a recent excursion to Tierra Del Fuego I had the peculiar experience of an encounter with a two inch tall lilliputian who was on vacation from Lilliput. He said that they prefer to spend the hollidays in cold remote places because they dislike crowds of tourists, which present dangers to them, most notably that of being stepped on. I asked him what he thought would prevent me from stepping on him right then and there, and was suddenly rushed by several million of his countrymen who overwhelmed me and staked me to the ground, Gulliver style.

Where on earth do lilliputians get so much rope?

Carla1

Dec5-03, 05:52 AM

Where on earth do lilliputians get so much rope? [/QUOTE]

From an over-active imagination needing to expend itself but choosing to do so towards a pragmatic end. Thus a lot of rope might come in handy one day, as it most certainly did, for nailing down giant foreigners and the like.

Where is your leader? Take me to him.

zoobyshoe

Dec5-03, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by Carla1 Where is your leader? Take me to him.
Go here:usimc
Address:http://community-2.webtv.net/zoobyshoe/joe/

On a recent trip to Amsterdam I visited the Rijkmuseum to view thw works of Vincent on display there. As I examined a little known landscape by that famous Dutch lunatic, I was stunned to see a perfectly formed crop circle in a wheat field in the landscape, and what appeared to be a flying saucer rising up from it into the sky, emanating all your typical Van Gogh swirlies of thick paint.

Is this not proof?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec5-03, 04:25 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
On a recent trip to Amsterdam I visited the Rijkmuseum to view thw works of Vincent on display there. As I examined a little known landscape by that famous Dutch lunatic, I was stunned to see a perfectly formed crop circle in a wheat field in the landscape, and what appeared to be a flying saucer rising up from it into the sky, emanating all your typical Van Gogh swirlies of thick paint.

Is this not proof?
Yes! it is not proof! as in proof of it not, or should we say that the proof not proven is the proof that is not the proof as that is what a not proof actaully is, not, isn't it proven not to be the not proof by the fact of the proof being the proven that is not, such that everyone can know that the not proof proves what is not proven!

How, was the weather?

zoobyshoe

Dec5-03, 04:57 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons How, was the weather?
It was a beautiful day. I strolled up and down. I bathed naked in a canal. I stopped at a cafe. I drank coffee naked. You can pretty much do anything you want in Amsterdam.

I bought some paint and a canvas and stood at the side of a canal painting plagarisms of van Gogh and Rembrant with my fingers claiming to be channeling those dead artists. No one cared. The whole thing was pretty much a waste of time. The weather was beautiful, though.

While at the Rijksmuseum I noticed an obscure drawing by Vincent of a landscape somewhere in the French countryside, and upon examining the details of the dots and squiggles he used to shade in a patch of rocky soil I percieved a coded message in proto-cuneiform which said:"Sun pick slobber joist and frimmeling tail pike staff." At first, I was very exited, but then I realized I had no idea what it meant. While I was removing the drawing from the wall to take it home for further study, three docents appeared and tackled me.

What was the big deal?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec7-03, 08:46 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
While at the Rijksmuseum I noticed an obscure drawing by Vincent of a landscape somewhere in the French countryside, and upon examining the details of the dots and squiggles he used to shade in a patch of rocky soil I percieved a coded message in proto-cuneiform which said:"Sun pick slobber joist and frimmeling tail pike staff." At first, I was very exited, but then I realized I had no idea what it meant. While I was removing the drawing from the wall to take it home for further study, three docents appeared and tackled me.
What was the big deal?
Well, whats the big deal you ask, if I stole (or attempted to steal) from you your Holy Grail of your reliigion wouldn't you be resistive? angry? ready to tackle the stranger and ensure that they do not remove the "Secrets to the Universe" that is clearly encompassed within that "proto-cuneiform" that is actually the very first example of "stenganographic" imbedding of information ever accompished by Humanity. As for exactly what the expression; "Sun pick slobber joist and frimmeling tail pike staff." means, well that is an 'International Secret' and can ony be devulged to 'Authorities' with a class (deleted) clearance rating because, well, you know, The mission is (This section deleted, you have no 'Authority' clearance) so that, obviously and clearly, proves it!

Now that the "Secrets of the Universe" have been completely revealed, what is there left to study?

zoobyshoe

Dec7-03, 09:16 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Now that the "Secrets of the Universe" have been completely revealed, what is there left to study?
Cindy Crawford.

In the last century, during the height of battle, I was crawling up a sandy beach on some foreign shore with mortars exploding around me, and bullets zipping just over my helmet, my face running with sweat and salt water, when I can face to face with one of the foreign enemy soldiers who seemed to be crawling in the other direction. He looked me directly in the eye, and, in some silent, unspoken agreement we simply crawled past each other without any trouble.
However, when I made it safely to cover in the bushes I found to my dismay that the Hershey bar in my shirt pocket was squashed and mutilated. Why can't these things ever have a happy ending?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec7-03, 12:40 PM

Originally posted by (an obviously very depressed) zoobyshoe
In the last century, during the height of battle, I was crawling up a sandy beach on some foreign shore with mortars exploding around me, and bullets zipping just over my helmet, my face running with sweat and salt water, when I can face to face with one of the foreign enemy soldiers who seemed to be crawling in the other direction. He looked me directly in the eye, and, in some silent, unspoken agreement we simply crawled past each other without any trouble.
However, when I made it safely to cover in the bushes I found to my dismay that the Hershey bar in my shirt pocket was squashed and mutilated. Why can't these things ever have a happy ending?
Wow, is it ever clear that "The glass iS Empty!!" to you, your Hershey bar was "Mutilated and Squashed" after you crossed a battle field, (during a battle!!!!!!! [o)]) and you think that your still edible Hershey's bar is some kind of sign that life sucks?? wow, do you need psychiatric HELP!!!!!! Buddy, you lived!! celebrate it with your food!

Why is it?

motai

Dec7-03, 01:24 PM

He may have lived, but his chocolate is crushed! That is one of the worst possible tragedies to befall a soldier! Oh the agony! Its almost like getting shot, or a truck running over your foot.

To make it past the shingle and into the safety of the bushes and not knowing that your chocolate didn't survive is just terrible.

Proof is in the form of Homer Simpson. He screamed when he saw a donut being burned.

zoobyshoe

Dec8-03, 02:16 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it?
Then, therefore, cause I said so.
Wow, is it ever clear that "The glass iS Empty!!" to you, your Hershey bar was "Mutilated and Squashed" after you crossed a battle field, (during a battle!!!!!!! [o)]) and you think that your still edible Hershey's bar is some kind of sign that life sucks?? wow, do you need psychiatric HELP!!!!!! Buddy, you lived!! celebrate it with your food!

Where would I look to find the stupidity in this anser? I have looked, but I can't find it. Where is it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec8-03, 06:39 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Where would I look to find the stupidity in this ansWer? I have looked, but I can't find it. Where is it?
And therefore, you have...............

When looking for stupidity, if/when you find it, doesn't that mean that you have really found that, within yourself?

zoobyshoe

Dec8-03, 01:11 PM

a PROFOUNDLY introspective morsel of speculation Originally posted by the remarkably wize Mr. Robin Parsons When looking for stupidity, if/when you find it, doesn't that mean that you have really found that, within yourself?
So, you think you're the Wizard of Oz, now?: "You didn't need to look for stupidity, you always had it within yourself!"

During my misspent youth I had the misfortune of falling in with a rogue who entertained himself by cheating people at 3 card Monte. As the schill, I pretended not to know him, and he would allow me to win a few times in front of the greedy onlookers, which would prime them to play and be fleeced.
One day a group of French Canadian farmers from pretty far out in the sticks of Quebec arrived at the table. I could see my partner fairly licking his lips at this easy prospect, and I began to win in front of them. After my second win they got bored and walked away.

How was the gravity, that day?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec9-03, 09:09 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
During my misspent youth I had the misfortune of falling in with a rogue who entertained himself by cheating people at 3 card Monte. As the schill, I pretended not to know him, and he would allow me to win a few times in front of the greedy onlookers, which would prime them to play and be fleeced.
One day a group of French Canadian farmers from pretty far out in the sticks of Quebec arrived at the table. I could see my partner fairly licking his lips at this easy prospect, and I began to win in front of them. After my second win they got bored and walked away.

How was the gravity, that day?
If You want a "Gravity Report" it is requisite that you include the longditude, latitude, and time of day, as to allow me to check just what I had had your sector established at, for that day. That is clearly written upon the form GRF.rep//56473829993048GUI875843900.000000offdre66547agctta gcctta°9 (in 'Latex' or "notedpadder.lie") that must have been hand replicated in quintiplicate-twice and submitted be the fastest bicycle messenger service currently know to exist on the face of the planet, such that it arrives at the orifice of the "Institute of Geophysical Gravitational Adjustments at Centrale Du Tour", Mirroring "The Acadamie du Magnetism Electrificant Au Grossessee" within a minimium of thiry five years, as we do not keep our records longer then that, (too much magma) or you will forfeit your admistration fee of three hundred thousand million million "peKUwinuckies".

{On a more personal notation Being the "Setter of the Gravitational Field Force" can sometimes appear as a tedious tasking, but it is actually fun! (sometimes) after all, you thought it was the wind that drove the skirts up, didn't ya?)

When setting gravitational field strengths, should it be an adjustable day?

zoobyshoe

Dec9-03, 09:46 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When setting gravitational field strengths, should it be an adjustable day?
I'm sorry, I seem to be suffering fom micropsia at the moment, or else there has been some exclusively lateral relativistic effect not forseen by Einstein in his musings on gravity, in this particular perpendicular universe from which I write.

Or have you been stretching the gravity out sideways by forgetting to calibrate the second dimension settings?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec9-03, 10:06 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Or have you been stretching the gravity out sideways by forgetting to calibrate the second dimension settings?
Ahem, clearly you didn't pass the "Gravitational settings adjusters" test, the "second dimensional settings" 'inter-dimensional' sure!, but "two dimensional"?? where have you been....aw well, 4getaboutit
P.S. you don't 'stretch' gravity, it'll rebound on ya, really badly you.......oooops!

When falling in a non gravitational environment, is it A) advisable to figure out why you are falling? B) figure out How you are falling? C) Figure out what you are falling through...? D) Figure out when, if ever, you will stop falling? E) All of the Above - 1 F) None of the Above G) None of all of the above that are below all of the above that is what you would have answered if the below had been above what had been the answer below it? H) None of your Freeeeeeek'in business?

zoobyshoe

Dec10-03, 05:15 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When falling in a non gravitational environment, is it A) advisable to figure out why you are falling? B) figure out How you are falling? C) Figure out what you are falling through...? D) Figure out when, if ever, you will stop falling? E) All of the Above - 1 F) None of the Above G) None of all of the above that are below all of the above that is what you would have answered if the below had been above what had been the answer below it? H) None of your Freeeeeeek'in business?
I believe these quetions are a surreptitious attempt to get me to take the very Gravitational Settings Adjustor's test you mentioned above to demonstrate my unfitness for such a position. This reminds me of something my old Professor of Testology used to spout when I was in college, back sometime before they changed the name of the Grand Canyon to what it is presently called, when we could get him to the local beer joint and pry his tongue loose with that hoppy beverage, which was: "When the testers come to test you, do you think that testing them in return is the true test of your testosterone, in truth?" And we all used to cry: "I suppose!." To which he would respond: "Buy me more beer." To this day I'm convinced none of that meant much of anything.

Every schoolchild knows that the acceleration of gravity is 32 feet per second/per second, or 9.8 m persec², but here's a fact about gravity that I bet alot of people didn't know, which is that at 10:56:34 A.M. on some Sunday mornings the gravity all over the world is colored with a hideous designer color in the range of chartreuse for a span of time lasting about 10-21 seconds. Heisenberg wanted to do a paper about it but no one cared. Tesla wanted to use it to power the worlds electrical grid, but couldn't find the funding. Nixon secretly spent millions of government dollars trying to find a way to change it to a different color.
Who wants gum?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec10-03, 09:33 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Every schoolchild knows that the acceleration of gravity is 32 feet per second/per second, or 9.8 m persec², but here's a fact about gravity that I bet alot of people didn't know, which is that at 10:56:34 A.M. on some Sunday mornings the gravity all over the world is colored with a hideous designer color in the range of chartreuse for a span of time lasting about 10-21 seconds. Heisenberg wanted to do a paper about it but no one cared. Tesla wanted to use it to power the worlds electrical grid, but couldn't find the funding. Nixon secretly spent millions of government dollars trying to find a way to change it to a different color.
Who wants gum?
Depends, what flavor is the gum? is it that "Chartruse Sky" flavor? cause that would be, well, gravitational! (That flavor reeeeally Sucks!)

When strolling through a gravitational field, is it better to be wearing a 'G-Suit'? to be a 'G-Man'? or just to be a 'G-sub'?

zoobyshoe

Dec10-03, 10:03 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When strolling through a gravitational field, is it better to be wearing a 'G-Suit'? to be a 'G-Man'? or just to be a 'G-sub'?
It's funny you should arrive at that particular quetion in your train of thought, because according to my schedule your train of thought was supposed to have pulled into a different station just now. This shows just how reliable thought train schedule writers really are. As a matter of fact, I'm cancelling my subscription to the "Thought Train Weekly Digest" and will return to the TV Guide, which is only occasionally wrong.

So, I'm sitting here surrounded by radionuclides and I'm getting concerned about the K-40 and Na-22 levels, and the darn Geiger Counter rolls over, groans, and I can see its spirit rise up and float away. So that's no use anymore. So what am I gonna do if a Gamma ray Burst from long long ago, in a galaxy far, far away arrives for supper and I"m not even aware of it?
Is it possible to sence background radiation with your backside?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec10-03, 05:58 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
So, I'm sitting here surrounded by radionuclides and I'm getting concerned about the K-40 and Na-22 levels, and the darn Geiger Counter rolls over, groans, and I can see its spirit rise up and float away. So that's no use anymore. So what am I gonna do if a Gamma ray Burst from long long ago, in a galaxy far, far away arrives for supper and I"m not even aware of it?
Is it possible to sence background radiation with your backside?
Yes but only by those astute enough to know that the radiation is penetrating them from the front, as backside felt radiation is not the same as frontside felt radiation, least not according to the Journal "Radiation Specialties Addressing the Global needs of Radiologists Knowing of Radiated Directedness in Spatial Symetries that are Translocatable Throughout Radiant Radiances in Radiational Relationships with Radioactive Nucleotides" Vol; 17 Pg 200004887364.4 in which it was specifically mentioned that 'frontside radiation' was severalfold considerationally differentiable from 'backside radiational' relationships, relatively speaking, of course..........

Hey a couple of Quebec farmers came by the other day, told me they saw the funniest looking human being that they had ever seen, playing cards or something, they felt sorry for that one, so they left, but tell me, where is my bottle?

zoobyshoe

Dec10-03, 06:10 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
but tell me, where is my bottle?
On its way to Tofua. It is being carried by an ocean current, so the ETA is a long way off. There's a message inside it. It is stoppered with a cork.

Recently it collided with the head of a woman who had slipped overboard from her ship on a particularly warm night for a refreshing swim. She was knocked unconscious.

That's another story. Important here, is the message in your bottle. Don't worry. It's safe. It will get there on time. I can't provide precise long and lat because "you know who" has found a way to frequent this forum disguised as a harmless engineering grad student from lower Szfortzania. Don't interact with that person, he'll just try to talk you into smoking enough happy tabbaccy to spill your G.U.T.s.

Who else was there, when all this happened?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec11-03, 10:33 PM

Originally asked by an impatient zoobyshoe
That's another story. Important here, is the message in your bottle. Don't worry. It's safe. It will get there on time. I can't provide precise long and lat because "you know who" has found a way to frequent this forum disguised as a harmless engineering grad student from lower Szfortzania. Don't interact with that person, he'll just try to talk you into smoking enough happy tabbaccy to spill your G.U.T.s.

Who else was there, when all this happened?
Well, there was Jimmy,
and Sally,
Joe,
George,
Jane,
Jill,
Christopher,
Al,
Frank,
Georgette,
Peter,
Milo,
Adam,
Priscilla,
Linda,
Lucy,
Orville,
Edna,
Ralph,
Edwina,
Charles,
someone who remained 'untagged' (as named)
Estelle,
Ellen,
Gwen,
Thomas,
& Tom,
Randal,
Nate,
Matty,
Alfred,
Another Lucy,
Bertram,
Barney (NO!! not!! the Dino!!!)
Alision,
and some Jerk named "Troggmorten"!

So just outa curiosity, who was missing, that was on "The list"??

zoobyshoe

Dec11-03, 11:34 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons So just outa curiosity, who was missing, that was on "The list"??
For reasons not yet alluded to I cannot be explicit, implicit, obtuse, or even vague about that. I can however be evasive and deceptive. Therefore the name you seek is not the second one up from the third one down after the guy we both recognise as "Baleen Boy" in a different context, all of which is an evasive lie (hint, hint).

Your average topologist wearing a vest and a coat on top of it can perform maneuvers to remove the vest without first removing the coat. That being the case, can he also remove his underwear without first removing his pants?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec12-03, 07:08 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Your average topologist wearing a vest and a coat on top of it can perform maneuvers to remove the vest without first removing the coat. That being the case, can he also remove his underwear without first removing his pants?
Only if he passes them through his "Stealth Socks" (patent pending) First, otherwise he will simply end up tying himself into 'knots' and need a 'knot theorist' to release him, (VEEEeeeery expensive, I hear, "tres Cher" $$$$$$$$Bigtime)

Is there really a difference between a "Not Theoretician" and a "Knot Theorist"?

zoobyshoe

Dec13-03, 09:00 AM

Originally pasteured by Mr. Robin Parsons direct from the mother cowIs there really a difference between a "Not Theoretician" and a "Knot Theorist"?
I met one of each once, and there was a difference, yes. Can't think now what it was, though.

I invented the following word recently, please provide a definition: squigifferous

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec14-03, 10:35 PM

Originally posted by a verbose zoobyshoe
I invented the following word recently, please provide a definition: squigifferous
Invented? HA!! what a joke! invented?! (NOT!!) it is one of the phylum of various marine cephalopod mollusks of the genus Loligo (..and related genera) hence it is of the "Squid Family", just that this particular type of squid tends towards a diet heavy in Iron (pardon the pun) and as such has a tendancey (But only a tendancy) to produce ink that is saturated with that iron content and as a result of that, it's "Ink Stream" defence tactic has evolved into a "Squiggly Squirt" from the more normal and common straight ink jet squirt.

(and the Zoob want's Y'all to think He invented it, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa ha ha!)

Now this begs the question of, just where does one go to aquire the "Squigifferous Ink Pen Set"?

zoobyshoe

Dec14-03, 11:22 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons who, it seems, has once again broken into someone's house after dark to use their computer, and who had me going for a second there, actually checking the Webster's to see if such a word already existed, and who must be congratulated on his excellent pseudo-denotation (detonation?) of this neologismNow this begs the question of, just where does one go to aquire the "Squigifferous Ink Pen Set"?
This would be an item you'd search for at an antique store. They were handcrafted in Japan between 1901 when this species of squid was first being farmed for its ink, and 1955 when the Squiggiferous Ink Squid Blight took its toll on the Japanese squid farms devestating the population of this handy beast.

Now this begs the question of, what, really, is the proper remover for the ink of the squid in quetion? (I don't mean the cheap kind that also removes the skin.)

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec15-03, 12:14 PM

Originally posted by an obviously over-tired, and stressed out man, working way to hard at whatever he is doing, as it is all to clear that he is in need of a rest....need proof? read the responce! zoobyshoe
Now this begs the question of, what, really, is the proper remover for the ink of the squid in quetion? (I don't mean the cheap kind that also removes the skin.)
Pssssssst zoob it's got iron in it, use the magnet!

Why is it always when you need to recall something, and you are really really tired, you can't?

zoobyshoe

Dec15-03, 12:28 PM

Ogrinlltti opsoesd yb Mr. Robin Parsons Why is it always when you need to recall something, and you are really really tired, you can't?
Cssszzz xncnmmmmmmmmmm mllllllyyy
grooooooookkknerrrrrrm floooooooomspie squilllllltrii

sssshhhhhhchiiiiiiok joooooombro
zzzzzzzhnnnillyjgiiiiii ooojhpo uo dfo sfffffffzzzzzzz//////??????

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec15-03, 08:46 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
sssshhhhhhchiiiiiiok joooooombro
zzzzzzzhnnnillyjgiiiiii ooojhpo uo dfo sfffffffzzzzzzz//////??????
ABSOLUTELY!! ...and I have to tell you! I don't think(!) that I have, ever, in the entirety of my living!! have I heard it stated better!!!

Aside from that tarnish on my reputation, what else was inferred by that eloquent statement of the (I finally figured it out) Takeoff from the comic strip Shoe, Titled 'Zoo'? (hence we have the sematic strip "Zoo" by this guy in the strip 'Shoe')

wasteofo2

Dec15-03, 11:12 PM

WTF IS QWANTUM MEKANIKS?

zoobyshoe

Dec16-03, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by that well-known bearded, fugitive who was recently pulled from a hidey-hole in the floor of a Kingston Public Library, Mr. Robin Parsons Aside from that tarnish on my reputation, what else was inferred by that eloquent statement of the (I finally figured it out) Takeoff from the comic strip Shoe, Titled 'Zoo'? (hence we have the sematic strip "Zoo" by this guy in the strip 'Shoe')
What was meant was that the tarnish on your reputation was supposed to have been shoe polish; your reputation was meant to have been polished to a lustrous shine, at the zoo, by 'Shoe".

For Quetion, see post by WasteofO2 above.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec20-03, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
For Quetion, see post by WasteofO2 above.
Come on now, (way to easy) the number of mehcanics that must have been working on your car, for the bill to have achieved that need of Exponentiation!

While working on a car, how many mechanics does it take to "Change the light bulb(s)"??

zoobyshoe

Dec22-03, 05:02 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons While working on a car, how many mechanics does it take to "Change the light bulb(s)"?? Fewer, normally, than the number of light bulbs it takes to change a mechanic.

Who do you turn to if the mail order bride you recently ordered from Minnesota, and who you have discovered by E-Mail and phone to be an attractive, scintillating personage, reveals that she will be arriving to live with you soon, but that, due to her membership in the Church of Bod Dob, The Pallindrome Boy and manager of the shipping department at a wearhouse near you, the wedding must be delayed for 32 years, six months, four days and three hours, in observance of the Pallindromic Retrogression, and that there will be no premarital sex?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec23-03, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Who do you turn to if the mail order bride you recently ordered from Minnesota, and who you have discovered by E-Mail and phone to be an attractive, scintillating personage, reveals that she will be arriving to live with you soon, but that, due to her membership in the Church of Bod Dob, The Pallindrome Boy and manager of the shipping department at a wearhouse near you, the wedding must be delayed for 32 years, six months, four days and three hours, in observance of the Pallindromic Retrogression, and that there will be no premarital sex?
Llac Dod Bob gnikaeps drawkcab, esrever !!gnihtyreve, And have some really good Sex!

Does it really qualify as a "Stupid Quetion" if/when you ask it in the "What do you do if..." form? {but not in the forum, but the form, ya know foaming, oops I mean.... yikes! [8)] )

zoobyshoe

Dec23-03, 08:49 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Does it really qualify as a "Stupid Quetion" if/when you ask it in the "What do you do if..." form? {but not in the forum, but the form, ya know foaming, oops I mean.... yikes! [8)] )
"Who do you turn to if..." is not the same as "What do you do if..." but, even if it were, it's stupid enough to be a stupid quetion.

Should the marriage be performed by:
1.) A psychiatrist

2.) An Exorcist

3.) Zooby, the cat.

????

timejim

Dec27-03, 12:10 PM

Originally posted by climbhi
Woohoo, a brand new forum to post in! Just thought it didn't feel quite right without this here. So in the tradition of PF 2.0 ask a stupid "quetion" and get a stupid answer back.

So to begin.... How long do you think it takes to reach a 1000 posts in this topic again?

Is a turtle really safer when he withdraws into his shell?
If not, then WHY?
Should a nuclear war happen, how many souls would perish while stopped at a traffic light?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec27-03, 08:18 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Should the marriage be performed by:
1.) A psychiatrist

2.) An Exorcist

3.) Zooby, the cat.

????
By a practising Doctor, Who has Religious training, that he aquired in his evenings off from Drama University, where he successfully portrayed that most mfamous on characters known to humaity, "The Cat in the Zoob" (Dr. Shooosh I suspect) but only if it is done in the truest form of the Zoobonian traditions that requires the participant Bride/Groom to....well it is Indescribable (you need to see it) so we will save some of the "possible descriptors" till later...

...But right now, we need! to know...Will he?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec27-03, 08:22 PM

Originally posted by timejim
Is a turtle really safer when he withdraws into his shell? Well, they really are safer inside there shells so it's a "moot point" question, congrat's!
If not, then WHY? See above
Should a nuclear war happen, how many souls would perish while stopped at a traffic light? What color is the traffic light????? you forgot the color of the traffic light!!!, how the heck can anyone answer any question (like that!!) without the color of the traffic light(!!!) included in the question???
P.S. What's the question?

zoobyshoe

Dec27-03, 09:09 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons ...But right now, we need! to know...Will he?
The answer is contingent upon many factors: the state of the gravity at the time in question, how much helium has been inhaled, who is in office, does it come with corn-on-the-cob or cole slaw, and many other variables uncertain.

Let's propose the following scenario: the fruit is polished, everything in SR and GR has been indisputably proven true, Homer's Odessy is lying open on the table at page 167, the butler passed away of a heart attack the night before, but no one realizes it yet, there is no music playing, there's plenty of toilet paper in all the stalls, and three students of Chaos Theory in three separate North American locations simultaneously forget their own E-Mail adresses? What do you suppose?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec27-03, 09:24 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Let's propose the following scenario: the fruit is polished, everything in SR and GR has been indisputably proven true, Homer's Odessy is lying open on the table at page 167, the butler passed away of a heart attack the night before, but no one realizes it yet, there is no music playing, there's plenty of toilet paper in all the stalls, and three students of Chaos Theory in three separate North American locations simultaneously forget their own E-Mail adresses? What do you suppose?
Well while "sup-posing" I have this tendancy to want to lie down, as it is in a supine position that 'posing' is accomplished for the longest duration of the increment of the needed restitutional perception that "Rights" the 'right' that has been not offended at the imposition of the perenial estimation of the lacking nessesity (that wasn't offered) while it's procurement was availed to the awaiting departed inasmuch as it all went really, really well!

Don't cha think?

zoobyshoe

Dec29-03, 07:54 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Don't cha think?
I do think, yes. Thinking is pretty much all I do. In the past two weeks I have hardly left the Zooby brush shelter at all I have been so busy thinking. I think I should get out more. That seems like something worth thinking about. I'll think about it.

Having recently read through the Minnesota Mail Order Bride's hand scrawled autobiographical sketches dispatched by flying messenger monkeys and recieved by me yesterday I find myself quite touched by her account her sufferings since having contracted MagnaMantisPreditoriality Syndrome, how many fiances she has lost due to post-coital hunger and subsequent anthropophagy, and I wonder if there isn't some way to change her into a furry, cute bunny instead using cutting edge physics and whatever might be lying around the kitchen or garage?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec29-03, 04:58 PM

Originally posted by an exuberant (soon to be wed!) ex-hill-erated flambouyant "Devil May Care" atti'tuded ZOOBYSHOE!
Having recently read through the Minnesota Mail Order Bride's hand scrawled autobiographical sketches dispatched by flying messenger monkeys and recieved by me yesterday I find myself quite touched by her account her sufferings since having contracted MagnaMantisPreditoriality Syndrome, how many fiances she has lost due to post-coital hunger and subsequent anthropophagy, and I wonder if there isn't some way to change her into a furry, cute bunny instead using cutting edge physics and whatever might be lying around the kitchen or garage?
Well, normally I don't advise such things, but (apparently) if you insert a regular barrel pen into the nose, (using it as the passageway for "the probe") and substitute a Robertson screwdriver for "The Probe", you can apparently re-adjust, or reset, the "tuning within" (on some models only!) but the precursory vulgarity that forewarns of the resultant ensuite tells of possibilities in the balancing systems subsystemic systemology, by siesmic inferance from site soundings, so it becomes the old adage "Buyer Bewear"

So, given this turn of events, do you think that the rotation of the twist was torrdially inspired by the revolution of the "Volvo" (the Greek, not the Latin) that as turned upon the wheel that spun the rotating disc towards the circularity of the rotational motions that were turned (to be seen spinning) in the 'round about' manner of rotation that attempted to exit, using the portal that was a connection to the elbow that turned towards the entrance of the exit (therein) in the back of the rear (facing the front) latched to the attachment that was pinned to the document that was stapled to the glued on partition of the interceeding intervention that caused the events that arose from the arisal of the emitting of the emission of emitants emitted, (in an 'E-missionary' position...HUH??) for the purpose of making the injector unite with the ejection systems direct injection process's, that injects a corner into the bend that goes around the right angle towards the point (that isn't pointed!) as per its cause, "having end" in its beginning, well, at the end of the beginning of the other that began whilst ending on a sour notation that rounded up to corner the end that wasn't spun, but spinning, connected and plugged into the receptacle that was recieving the end, of the beginning, that hadn't begun, thereby begging the question, (clearly) what for?

zoobyshoe

Dec29-03, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by sexual technician and technical sextitian emeritus Mr. Robin Parsons "...thereby begging the question, (clearly) what for?
For begging and questioning, clearly. You can, all you want, but I wont divulge. It's all encoded in gum pressed under table #2 at a cafe in Paris, Le Lapin Dormant, if you're really interested. Tolouse Lautrec once sat at that table. But his feet didn't reach the ground.

...becomes the old adage "Buyer Bewear"
Meaning what? "If the Zooby Shoe fits, wear it."?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec30-03, 09:56 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
...becomes the old adage "Buyer Bewear"
Meaning what? "If the Zooby Shoe fits, wear it."? Given the true nature of a Zoobonians foot, removing the W from the word Be Ware becomes the attentive indicator of the requisite wording: "Buyer Beear!"

Well, while waiting where we were, we went west, whipping wipes with "Wild West" wonderment, wonderful?? well, wine went well with western wear, wasn't while we waited, was while we wasted wallpaper's wistful "wastelandscape water well"?...was women who want wantonly? whooshing wonderfully? well, wasn't....who was?

zoobyshoe

Dec30-03, 10:47 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons ....who was?
Hard to say. Written records have been lost, and precious little got encoded into anyone's long term memory to begin with due to ethanol toxicity levels. I understood there was a cat on this excursion but you make no mention of this so who is to be believed?

And while out west, did you have the interesting experience of a visit to the graveyard at Old Sidewinder, Nevada, where it is rumored the revenances of those killed in shootouts during the town's heyday as a silver mining center, return at midnight each night to reenact their violent and premature exits from the world's stage?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Dec31-03, 06:36 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
And while out west, did you have the interesting experience of a visit to the graveyard at Old Sidewinder, Nevada, where it is rumored the revenances of those killed in shootouts during the town's heyday as a silver mining center, return at midnight each night to reenact their violent and premature exits from the world's stage?
Ahummmm (sadly) No.

Pretty Princesses Play Precisely, pretty people play properly, pretty persons play proportionately, pretty playthings play pretensiously, polite persons play personificationally, prosperous people play perfectly, Parsons plays persistently, perhaps plays possibly, "pourfavor" plays pleasingly, perchance? player? (<- DATS DUH QUETION)

zoobyshoe

Jan7-04, 02:26 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Pretty Princesses Play Precisely, pretty people play properly, pretty persons play proportionately, pretty playthings play pretensiously, polite persons play personificationally, prosperous people play perfectly, Parsons plays persistently, perhaps plays possibly, "pourfavor" plays pleasingly, perchance? player? (<- DATS DUH QUETION)
Prevenient porposes plunge peripatetically producing preposterous predation pressure, plundering potentially precious plasmodia.

Can cats compute? Do dogs digitalize? May marsupials multiply? Surely, snakes subtract?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan7-04, 09:36 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Can cats compute? Yup! Do dogs digitalize? Nope! May marsupials multiply? Oh Ya! Surely, snakes subtract? Nope! But they can "subduct"

Can you answer this quetion without responding/replieing to the quetion?

zoobyshoe

Jan7-04, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Can you answer this quetion without responding/replieing to the quetion?
On D-Day we dropped dummy soldiers on parachuttes over parts of Europe to confuse the Germans as to where the real invasion would take place.

Can you quetion this answer without quetioning the response/reply?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan8-04, 09:43 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Can you quetion this answer without quetioning the response/reply?
YUP!..."On D-Day we dropped dummy soldiers on parachuttes over parts of Europe to confuse the Germans as to where the real invasion would take place."

While vactioning in Europe, on D-Day, there were a number of "dummy soldiers" dropped upon our heads (No! not literally!.. your so silly to think that!) and we then ascertained that they were, in fact, and in reality, NOT dummies, (they passed their respective IQ tests with parchuting colors) hence the question is sought, (to be responded to) that was, and had, been asked by the questioner?

zoobyshoe

Jan8-04, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons While vactioning in Europe, on D-Day, there were a number of "dummy soldiers" dropped upon our heads (No! not literally!.. your so silly to think that!) and we then ascertained that they were, in fact, and in reality, NOT dummies, (they passed their respective IQ tests with parchuting colors) hence the question is sought, (to be responded to) that was, and had, been asked by the questioner?
The question sought, that was, and had, been asked by the questioner, was: "Who sits in the Cartesian theater?" Think about it. You'll be.

What is the acceptable I.Q. score needed to qualify as an enemy-confusing parachutte dummy?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan8-04, 04:03 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What is the acceptable I.Q. score needed to qualify as an enemy-confusing parachutte dummy?
Reference; See, 'Mr. Robin Parsons'

How is it that a MMB with a Neofeminazi Mantismantra "Cooks her Meat"?

zoobyshoe

Jan8-04, 04:58 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons How is it that a MMB with a Neofeminazi Mantismantra "Cooks her Meat"?
The same way she burns it, only less so.

The recent fluctuations in the earth's magnetic field coincided yesterday with a full moon. Could these two factor together to account for the nightmare I suffered in my sleep in which, while trying to eat jello it kept shifting direction paramagnetically whenever I brought the spoon near and which jello kept being bombarded from time to time by what must have been cosmic rays, which left its surface pocked and cratered?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan9-04, 09:27 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
The recent fluctuations in the earth's magnetic field coincided yesterday with a full moon. Could these two factor together to account for the nightmare I suffered in my sleep in which, while trying to eat jello it kept shifting direction paramagnetically whenever I brought the spoon near and which jello kept being bombarded from time to time by what must have been cosmic rays, which left its surface pocked and cratered?
No...

How is it that zoobyshoe experianced this intense nightmare that is, realistically, and "in actuality", an 'out of body' experiance that is being generated by the mind of the "One Man Thunk Tank" seredipitously?

zoobyshoe

Jan10-04, 06:00 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons, suddenly parsimonious with his answers
No...

How is it that zoobyshoe experianced this intense nightmare that is, realistically, and "in actuality", an 'out of body' experiance that is being generated by the mind of the "One Man Thunk Tank" seredipitously?
It is thus: how, "in actuality", realistically, not experianced, seredipitously. Out or in of body, Jello or nay.

Would you like some dressing for your salad speach?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan10-04, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by Zoob! (The cat)
Would you like some dressing for your salad speach?
Yes, please a rather 'verbal' one, if it within the range of 'nouns' that you have available to cloth the verbage in a "simps" dress, as to present the vegetable's wordplayings as properly edible...

Think/Thought/thunk that thought thunk thinks thing, thinking thinks thing, thought thunk that there, thunk thought this theoretically, think, thinking thought thunk, thought that theme thought through think, therefore, thought thunk that thought, though think thunk that thought...thinking?

zoobyshoe

Jan12-04, 01:33 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Think/Thought/thunk that thought thunk thinks thing, thinking thinks thing, thought thunk that there, thunk thought this theoretically, think, thinking thought thunk, thought that theme thought through think, therefore, thought thunk that thought, though think thunk that thought...thinking?
Thinking thertainly throbs thermally though thubstantially thinner than thrilling "thunking". (That thounds thexual.)

I recently baked the following adjective from scratch using a recipe I threw together in my spare time: "stermitaceous". Please taste it and decide what its denotation should be.

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan12-04, 02:58 PM

Originally posted by a petulantly inventive, although not morose, eubulent Zoobyshoe
I recently baked the following adjective from scratch using a recipe I threw together in my spare time: "stermitaceous". Please taste it and decide what its denotation should be.
Stermitaceous: of, or pertaining to, the Stermite period, the time when wild "stermites" ruled the planet, "stermiting" the enemies and friends alike....for further explainations see Stermitisms, Stermitatic, Stermitatisized, Stermiticious, and Stermitisisms...

As one who came from before the Age of the Stermites ("Seven days older then dust" I have been called/labelled) how is it that anyone, or anything, survived the both, horrible, and yet delicious, age?

zoobyshoe

Jan13-04, 01:34 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons As one who came from before the Age of the Stermites ("Seven days older then dust" I have been called/labelled) how is it that anyone, or anything, survived the both, horrible, and yet delicious, age?
Protection during the age of the Stermites was afforded to a very small percentage of life forms by virtue of their being genetically Anstermititic, that is: resistent to being stermitatisized. They were not affected by stermitisms, or stermitisisms, either. Some paleontologists have proposed that frustration at not being able to do anything having the least stermitatic effect on these life forms could in fact be what killed the Stermites off in the end. That, though, is just a theory.

Several recent discoveries among the papers of W.A. Mozart have given rise to considerable doubt as to whether he is the true composer of Mozart's unfinished piano quintet, or perhaps quartette, no one can tell, in three and 4/5ths movements, in the key of c# major, which most scholars believe would be the very first piece he ever composed in the 9th year of his life, were it to be authenticated as one of his, but several meaures of the mysteriously separately copied out manuscript of the 2nd violin part are clearly in the hand of the young genius' father, Mr. Mozart, which has people wondering how much of a hand the elder Mozart had in the whole piece to begin with, a possible explanation for why no one in particular can find much musical merit in this piece, authentic or not, but we can't be sure. Who, then, would like more coffee?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan14-04, 06:42 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Several recent discoveries among the papers of W.A. Mozart have given rise to considerable doubt as to whether he is the true composer of Mozart's unfinished piano quintet, or perhaps quartette, no one can tell, in three and 4/5ths movements, in the key of c# major, which most scholars believe would be the very first piece he ever composed in the 9th year of his life, were it to be authenticated as one of his, but several meaures of the mysteriously separately copied out manuscript of the 2nd violin part are clearly in the hand of the young genius' father, Mr. Mozart, which has people wondering how much of a hand the elder Mozart had in the whole piece to begin with, a possible explanation for why no one in particular can find much musical merit in this piece, authentic or not, but we can't be sure. Who, then, would like more coffee? Well Stermitetically speaking, I would like more caffeine, but 4/5ths in the key of "C Corporal", would be the only way it could be done, with the Attached 'Codicil of need' of the authentification of the fraud by ways (and means!) of the truest of lie tellers detecting the heinous methodology of impuning the reality of the right of the authorial person'ages to do, what they had done, in the manner that they hadn't done it, to the very realistic reality that actually occurs in reality, sorta like the Fraud who wasn't fraudulent, ergo De Frauded...not to be confus'd with de Freuded, or "in-blottio"!

When a question 'arises', do you 'sit down'? (to coffee?)

zoobyshoe

Jan14-04, 07:25 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When a question 'arises', do you 'sit down'? (to coffee?)
It's funny you should mention the phenomenon of questions arising because it leads me by the most circuitous and circumstantial route imaginable to a story once related by a Polish aviator of my acquaintaince: One night his wife declined saying she had her period. He replied:" Well, if you're going to play the punctuation card, dear, I'll see your period, and raise you an exclamation point!" I'm not sure if he made that up himself or if he read it in a bathroom stall.

Recently, in a bathroom stall, I scribbled the following limerick:

"That croc-teasing bloke from down under,
Got quite drunken and started to wonder
If instead of a stick,
He could prod with his d*ck,
Now to pee, he must sit. What a blunder!"

Did I make that up, or is it something a Polish aviator of my acquaintaince once told me after having read it in a bathroom stall?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan18-04, 04:05 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently, in a bathroom stall, I scribbled the following limerick:

"That croc-teasing bloke from down under,
Got quite drunken and started to wonder
If instead of a stick,
He could prod with his d*ck,
Now to pee, he must sit. What a blunder!"

Did I make that up, or is it something a Polish aviator of my acquaintaince once told me after having read it in a bathroom stall? Well YES! you made it up in a bathroom stall while writting it out on the backside of your assitant Oooops I mean the backside of the John (while still having an enourmous Dump quite the accomplishments in life there young man,you're going to be going places in life) wherein the outlining of it appeared to you in the dreaming state that you are about to experience in about umpteen numerlogically speaking days, the "No" Space so be as prepared as you werein the last venture as to no that it is the "No" and not, no!

While in the "No" space the |d| = 0 where d = dimensionality/space....so tell me how big is it?

jimmy p

Jan19-04, 12:22 PM

as long as a piece of string.

now to quote stereophonics

Is yesterday, tomorrow, today?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan19-04, 05:47 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Is yesterday, tomorrow, today? No! Today is yesterdays tomorrow! (old news bud! [g)])

How do you find anything in a "no" space environment?

zoobyshoe

Jan20-04, 09:11 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons How do you find anything in a "no" space environment?
Whenever you set something down, leave a trail of "no" breadcrumbs.

For reasons I can't begin to understand, I recently invented the following neologism: "squorcherly". Please, if you would, supply a definition for this adjective, and feel free to designate some fine connotation, as well. Wudja?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan21-04, 11:59 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
For reasons I can't begin to understand, I recently invented the following neologism: "squorcherly". Please, if you would, supply a definition for this adjective, and feel free to designate some fine connotation, as well. Wudja?
Well I (wudyaknow?) tell you that it is really the description of that act of "Squorchering" (which is said to be really really difficult to do) hence we would know that "squorcherly" would be: "someone who was in possession of such a quality of characteristic activities" "A squorcherly Person" "Known to partake in the act of Squorcherings" and then there the Dictionaries definition! but we really don't care about that....now,

...do we?

zoobyshoe

Jan21-04, 01:28 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...do we?
A stermitaceous quetion if ever I heard one.

Back before the outbreak of the second World's Fair didn't they used to have a sort of gizmo for that, some sort of thingy type contraption that was well made and sturdy, and had handles?

jimmy p

Jan21-04, 02:11 PM

there is no PF2.

how many times do you flick a lightswitch on and off when you leave a room?

zoobyshoe

Jan21-04, 02:15 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
how many times do you flick a lightswitch on and off when you leave a room?
Do you mean a lightswitch I've already read, or an unread one?

Have you ever eaten the fortune and read the cookie?

jimmy p

Jan21-04, 02:22 PM

only on thursdays and my horoscope is right!

Is a test-tube babies star sign Pyrex?

zoobyshoe

Jan21-04, 04:55 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Is a test-tube babies star sign Pyrex?
No, but the Corning Co, manufacturers of Pyrex* are required to be all such babies' godfather.

Read any good bananas lately?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan21-04, 06:06 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Read any good bananas lately? Talk about your proverbial slippery slope quetion WOW! Nope...but I wrote one... [6)]

How many Banana's does it take to make a Good Banana Read/Un-read?

jimmy p

Jan21-04, 07:02 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons

How many Banana's does it take to make a Good Banana Read/Un-read?

depends how thinly you slice them...

Are bananas better than oranges for books?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan21-04, 09:00 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Are bananas better than oranges for books? Actaully, both of them make excellant Pulp fiction.

When drinking your glass of Pulp friction, (for Brekie) does it go down 'all the way', or just into your stomach?

zoobyshoe

Jan22-04, 08:04 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When drinking your glass of Pulp friction, (for Brekie) does it go down 'all the way', or just into your stomach?
Pulp friction? I find that hard to swallow.

What is pulp's coefficient of friction?

Moni

Jan22-04, 02:39 PM

I always tell a lie...agree ???

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan22-04, 08:50 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What is pulp's coefficient of friction? Somewheres 'tween extreme and slow, depends upon things like the 'bleaching process' that went on, the 'pressing' (rolling of the Paper)as that smooths it out something radical, and naturally you zoob with that little spittle problem you have, well should just slide down there like a lead weight in free-fall and accelerating....ZOOM!

When pulping your coefficients of fraction, for your book clubs latest escaspade, do you truly "Pulp them up" or just inflate them using your psychic Ego/Id Driver.Dll?

zoobyshoe

Jan22-04, 09:16 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When pulping your[B] coefficients of fraction, for your book clubs atest escaspade, do you truly "Pulp them up" or just inflate them using your psychic Ego/Id D{GRIND}riv{/GRIND}er.Dll? []
I use html.

In recent years, I seem to be older than I used to be. How could that have happened?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 06:39 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In recent years, I seem to be older than I used to be. How could that have happened? Clearly, and rather obviously, (I am soooo surprised YOU needed to ask this) you passed some "time" (no such thing) in the "No" space zone, it explains everything!

Why would someone like Zoob use HTML when XML is Known/reknown to be faster/trimmer/slimmer/easier/cooler/nice/easiertowriteout/nicetopronounce/funnerthentherest/morefunthenabarrelofmonkeys/eveninthisyearofthemonkey/lastbutnotleasttheeasiestwayformetogethisreallylon gjokewrittenoutsuchthateveyonethingksIamworking. and why?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 10:01 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why would someone like Zoob use HTML when XML is Known/reknown to be faster/trimmer/slimmer/easier/cooler/nice/easiertowriteout/nicetopronounce/funnerthentherest/morefunthenabarrelofmonkeys/eveninthisyearofthemonkey/lastbutnotleasttheeasiestwayformetogethisreallylon gjokewrittenoutsuchthateveyonethingksIamworking. and why?
Because it was there.

It was there because...?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It was there because...? It N-E-E-D-E-D to be!

How come things Need to be?

jimmy p

Jan23-04, 11:42 AM

if they werent needed, then we wouldnt need em...duh![:)]

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? Cause then they wouldn't chase the (real) mice out of the houses D'Uh! [6)]

If you were standing on a bridge?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 12:01 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If you were standing on a bridge?
That's where you'd be whether or not you realized it.

Why isn't there cat-flavored dog food?

jimmy p

Jan23-04, 12:04 PM

Cos dogs prefer the taste of their own genitals [g)]

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 12:08 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
There is just such a medical term but it takes three times longer to pronounce than "tops of your feet" so no one uses it, not even podiatrists.

What do you call a man with one real foot and one pseudo-pod?

jimmy p

Jan23-04, 12:15 PM

anything you want, he probably couldnt catch up with you!! how about "limpet"

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 04:25 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Cause they used all the real lemons in the Dishwashing Soap so they had to put the Fake lemons in the Lemon Juice, or, because "nine out of ten" real "lemon lovers" prefer it in their dishsoap! for consumtive purposes slides down better I heard....

If you take a lemon, and squeeeeeeeze it, why is it that it sounds Just like Zoobyshoe crying?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 04:34 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If you take a lemon, and squeeeeeeeze it, why is it that it sounds Just like Zoobyshoe crying?
The resemblence to his sour disposition is uncanny, isn't it?

If you take a large hunk of Canadian Bacon and squeeeeeeeze it, why does it not sound like Mr. Robin Parsons?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 04:39 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If you take a large hunk of Canadian Bacon and squeeeeeeeze it, why does it not sound like Mr. Robin Parsons? Cause he is a homeelesse guy ergo he cannot have that kind of Body fat, Just not allowed! Violation of Universal Statute #3985746465910stroke-j Sec 14 part 7 subsection, (i), (ii), and (iii)

Why is it that Canadian Bacon doesn't look like a Maple leaf?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 04:45 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that Canadian Bacon doesn't look like a Maple leaf?
Because, try as they might, they haven't been able to make the Canadian pigs look like maple trees.

Isn't maple syrup scrumptious?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 04:50 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Isn't maple syrup scrumptious? Well no, it S-Y-R-U-P you know, "a flowing liquid like solid"

What the heck is a scrumtious, anyways?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 05:01 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What the heck is a scrumtious, anyways?
Common orthographic misdemeanor.

Is it true that since they can't get the pigs to resemble maple trees, they are trying to breed maple trees that resemble pigs?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 05:15 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Is it true that since they can't get the pigs to resemble maple trees, they are trying to breed maple trees that resemble pigs? No!...actually, that is a common misdemeanor in which it is thought that "pigs can fly" but the brutal truth is that they too need airplanes to do it...just like us...

...will similarities, and wonders, ever cease?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 05:37 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...will similarities, and wonders, ever cease? Einstein maintained that the similarities between simultenaities seem silly, so, I wonder if wonders will wander.

At the present time, given what we have, whizm are seagulls if thirty?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 05:40 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
At the present time, given what we have, whizm are seagulls if thirty? Oh I absolutely agree to disagree with your agreed upon agreement, that we have previously agreed to, given that that agreement, is agreed to, by a general agreement, of agreeing!

So tell me, whizm have we agreed to? (and why?)(not?)(maybe?)(sorta?)(kinda?)(perhaps?)

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 05:51 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So tell me, whizm have we agreed to? (and why?)(not?)(maybe?)(sorta?)(kinda?)(perhaps?)
I thought we'd agreed to thirty, if whizm.

Recently I had the misfortune of having my screw-fed trans-proto fiberscrunching gizmological whizmizer start making an odd, whinning noise much like a lemon being squeezed. Would you have any suggestions?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 05:56 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently I had the misfortune of having my screw-fed trans-proto fiberscrunching gizmological whizmizer start making an odd, whinning noise much like a lemon being squeezed. Would you have any suggestions? Sure! remove the lemon!

What happens when you remove a jammed lemon from a "screw-fed trans-proto fiberscrunching gizmological whizmizer" that hasn't been greased in years?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 06:19 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What happens when you remove a jammed lemon from a "screw-fed trans-proto fiberscrunching gizmological whizmizer" that hasn't been greased in years?
You get a fresh smelling machine, and a lemon in really bad shape.

Recently I had the experience of noticing that my double-acting bi-vacuous, vorto-turbonic wet/dry/biocontaminated floor sweeper was not sucking as it once used to, so I opened it up with the only screw driver I seemed to be able to find, despite the fact I used to have a set of twenty, and inside I found the rest of the missing screw drivers all chopped into scrap metal and non recyclable plastic. Could I offer you some cappuchino?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 07:27 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently I had the experience of noticing that my double-acting bi-vacuous, vorto-turbonic wet/dry/biocontaminated floor sweeper was not sucking as it once used to, so I opened it up with the only screw driver I seemed to be able to find, despite the fact I used to have a set of twenty, and inside I found the rest of the missing screw drivers all chopped into scrap metal and non recyclable plastic. Could I offer you some cappuchino? Only if it is laminar and smelling of fresh lemons!

How would you go about deciding if Ms Zoobyshoe was either Lipophilic, lipophalic, or simply lipophobic?

jimmy p

Jan23-04, 07:49 PM

test her, and depending on how she responds is whether she is a phillic,a phallic or a phobic.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

zoobyshoe

Jan23-04, 08:08 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Because all the people who win the lottery are psychic. They're taking turns among themselves and don't want the lottery operators to know.

Why don't you ever see the headline "President Bush Admits to Imbecility" ?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan23-04, 08:34 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Why don't you ever see the headline "President Bush Admits to Imbecility" ? Cause His Wife won't let him..[o)] (Am I in trouble now?)

How is it that a BPO is available to someone like myself and yet I can't even get a "Hello" from anyone else?

jimmy p

Jan24-04, 06:41 PM

because BPO is a fantasy...even if she runs off with me, and fantasies always go right...for a time anyway.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? So you can see the address with your ears...it's called "visual accoustics" [6)] [6)]

When you tune your car radio, why is it that you don't look at it?

jimmy p

Jan24-04, 06:56 PM

because you are 'at one' with the radio, whereas you are never 'at one' with the car.

Why is a boxing ring square?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 06:59 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is a boxing ring square? And what other shape would you expect a Box-ing ring to be...

How, do, you?

jimmy p

Jan24-04, 07:01 PM

as often as i can!!! [6)]

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 07:04 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? Cause then it wouldn't be a plane, but a 'flying black box' and no one would know where it was, ever!

How is it that when you take out the trash, your really taking out the treasure, and your throwing it all away! why??

jimmy p

Jan24-04, 07:07 PM

because your trash is someone elses treasure, you see it as trash and hobo's see it as treasure. unless you chuck out diamonds and other shiny rocks.

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 07:10 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Well water falls often enough, and snow certainly drops when avalanching, Cheese, I guess I just don't know!

How is it that you can come to a forum (like this one) and respond to quetions, without knowing any answers?

jimmy p

Jan24-04, 07:26 PM

...well in the case of this thread, stupid answers are the only ones available, and seeing as i can do stupid, its not a problem. woot woot!

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

FZ+

Jan24-04, 07:48 PM

Heaven has better resources, and God pays better.

What happens when creativity and surgery combine?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 08:17 PM

Originally posted by FZ+
What happens when creativity and surgery combine? You end up seeing behind you, and never know where you are going, ever again!

After your (very) Creative Surgeon has re-reversed your head, so you can see ahead of you again, what do you do with His Bill?

zoobyshoe

Jan24-04, 08:36 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
After your (very) Creative Surgeon has re-reversed your head, so you can see ahead of you again, what do you do with His Bill?
You offer him your own services as an amateur surgeon to remove his bill so that he no longer resembles a quack.

Recently while sitting at a table outside Le Cafe Du Lapin Dormant I had the chilling experience of noticing that all the customers at all the other tables were drinking with their left hands, while I remained the only right handed cup manipulator of the lot. Calling to the waiter I said: " Tout le monde est gauche ici, non?" To which he responded: "Dude! Speak English! Your French like, so sucks!" Why did I tip him with a viagra tablet?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan24-04, 08:46 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently while sitting at a table outside Le Cafe Du Lapin Dormant I had the chilling experience of noticing that all the customers at all the other tables were drinking with their left hands, while I remained the only right handed cup manipulator of the lot. Calling to the waiter I said: " Tout le monde est gauche ici, non?" To which he responded: "Dude! Speak English! Your French like, so sucks!" Why did I tip him with a viagra tablet? Well for the very same reasons I would have, as it is abundantly clear that the man is "backed up" or "pent up" or "whatever", you know what I mean! (Isn't it always like that at that Cafe du la lapin dor-mort)

While visiting with my long lost Stalker, down in Africa (the Continent, not the country) I happened to notice that the youths Ipod was running, apparently without batteries, how the heck didn't he do that?

zoobyshoe

Jan24-04, 08:56 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While visiting with my long lost Stalker, down in Africa (the Continent, not the country) I happened to notice that the youths Ipod was running, apparently without batteries, how the heck didn't he do that?
This is a common illusion that we have debunked on several occasions in the Skepticism an Debunking Forum. The Ipod is not, in fact, without a power source. The youth/Stalker is farting into a methane storage chamber located in a discrete place on the bottom of the unit when you aren't looking.

Recently when I was strolling down the Champs-Elysees I found an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk, which I hastily snatched up and quickly deposited into the first mailbox I came to.
Would you prefer paper or plastic?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan25-04, 06:27 AM

Originally posted by a "Frenching" zoobyshoe
Recently when I was strolling down the Champs-Elysees I found an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk, which I hastily snatched up and quickly deposited into the first mailbox I came to.
Would you prefer paper or plastic? Neither! I want to Eat the WHOLE COOKIE!

Funny [6)] the other day, while checking my mail, a 'fortune paper' (out of a fortune cookie) showed up in the mailbox, it read, "An aquaintance of yours, (Zoobyshoe) will be writting you a "Stupid Quention" telling you that this unread fortune paper is coming your way" this "begging the Quetion" where the heck is the rest of MY COOKIE???? [*(] [8)] [*(]

zoobyshoe

Jan25-04, 10:11 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Funny [6)] the other day, while checking my mail, a 'fortune paper' (out of a fortune cookie) showed up in the mailbox, it read, "An aquaintance of yours, (Zoobyshoe) will be writting you a "Stupid Quention" telling you that this unread fortune paper is coming your way" this "begging the Quetion" where the heck is the rest of MY COOKIE???? [*(] [8)] [*(]
Well, it has gone through someone's digestive system and is now somewhere beneath the surface world of daylight and cafes, mixed in with all the rest of the stuff in the unpleasant subterranian streams of the sewers of Paris. Recently it floated by the lair of the Phantom Of The Opera who was too busy pouring over the score of Aida to notice, or care if he did.

I see from the television that Hollywood recently disgorged another would be blockbuster film: The Last Samurai In Ontario starring the lovely Tom Cruise as Mr.Robert Parsnips, The handsome Nichole Kidman as *&^^#%@&%^%^$ the woman of his dreams, and the hirsuit Alec Baldwin as Zoobie The Boot, the eloquent scoundrel known for his eccentric "eating w/o reading" habits. All based on the novel by James Pea. I always wonder how faithful these films are to the book? Have you both seen and read?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan25-04, 12:45 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I see from the television that Hollywood recently disgorged another would be blockbuster film: The Last Samurai In Ontario starring the lovely Tom Cruise as Mr.Robert Parsnips, The handsome Nichole Kidman as *&^^#%@&%^%^$ the woman of his dreams, and the hirsuit Alec Baldwin as Zoobie The Boot, the eloquent scoundrel known for his eccentric "eating w/o reading" habits. All based on the novel by James Pea. I always wonder how faithful these films are to the book? Have you both seen and read? Well, I have always seen to be well read, but this Anatomy of a Story that you so pleasantly imbibe upon, seems reminicent of another's Tale of Yore that expounds upon the plesantries of 'Yore', and the delights of the many who suffered the presence of the multitudes that eat at the arrival of the foodstuffs, having eaten, then ate, but all inclusive was this date, hence...well you know the rest of it....

....don't you?

(cheap quetion!)

zoobyshoe

Jan25-04, 08:50 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
....don't you?
(cheap quetion!)
Yes, but I'll see if I can get even cheaper below:

Eh?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan26-04, 06:41 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Eh? Well certainly YES!! it is sooooo obvious that it behooves you to admit to having had some sort of "Spittle" episode, or something, as clearly the depth of your question indicates some sort of Idiot Savant State, that you must have achieved in an adulterated state, as it clealry, oh so very, very clearly isn't your normal state of intelligence, someone who persistently uses, and employs, Frangible nuts, in his intumescent mind, must be of such a caliber of personality, that such profundidty is belieing the subverted realities of the perversions of intellectualities that arise, in someone else.

So, now that Y'all knows my entire lifes history (ya, I know, short version) what do you think? (or should I be asking "can you?" but that would be rude!)

zoobyshoe

Jan26-04, 09:48 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So, now that Y'all knows my entire lifes history (ya, I know, short version) what do you think? (or should I be asking "can you?" but that would be rude!)
I have only seen the previews, but I think the performance by the lovely Tom Cruise as the Last Samurai In Ontario looks to be overwrought.

Recently in the Skepticism and Debunking forum, Tsunami Seeking, of all people, started a thread on the OZE, the Out-of-Zoobie-Experience, which she described as the temporary inability to acertain the location of small household pets.
I explained that this was almost certainly the result of a SPZ, a Simple-Partial-Zoobie, meaning a Zoobie that had not yet grown to full size and could still escape detection by both EEG and its owners, but she insists that the OZE is an authentic mystical experience which proves the ability of small household pets to become invisible. How can I convince Tsunami of the folly of her beliefs?

jimmy p

Jan27-04, 12:23 PM

Hold Ivan to ransom...actually, even better, have you seen Blazing Saddles, where Bart holds himself hostage so the people dont hurt him. Do that and Tsunami wont want you to get hurt so she will agree with whatever you say.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan27-04, 12:27 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? To keep you from escaping [6)]

Why would Jimmy P., permanently indebted to me, forever, want to escape his coffin?

jimmy p

Jan27-04, 12:34 PM

Cos he is a rebel who lives on the EDGE, baby! [a)]

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

zoobyshoe

Jan27-04, 12:39 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
This is to prove to the liquor store owners their employees can do simple math. The government's in on it, yes.

Who is responsible for the resemblence between my drivers lisense photo and a newt?

jimmy p

Jan27-04, 12:44 PM

thats the government as well. They are all ugly people so because they are spiteful, the 'photoshop' driving licence pictures so they can have the satisfaction of not being ugly...

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

zoobyshoe

Jan27-04, 12:51 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Yes, because of the zen-like contradiction of fat people having more skin to dip than skinny people: fat people are skinier. Weird, eh?

Who is responsible for liquor being quicker?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan27-04, 01:22 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Who is responsible for liquor being quicker? Well it's only a rumor, but I heard it was my fault...

If I am the guy who is responcible for "Likher...Being Quicker", what the heck am I doing *HERE*?

zoobyshoe

Jan29-04, 12:50 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If I am the guy who is responcible for "Likher...Being Quicker", what the heck am I doing *HERE*?
No doubt you lost your liquor fortune (Parson's Sparkling Aged Vodka, wasn't it?) by succumbing to your own product.

Once, when I was succumbing to some of your product, I found myself unable to stand on the normal, and, that being the case, I began to crawl on all fours toward my last known residence. Since I happened to already be at my last known residence when this journey started, I ended up getting further and farther away untill I found myself sitting at a table outside the Cafe du Tortue Courante ordering another White Russian made with Parson's Sparkling Aged Vodka. Problems arose when it turned out they did not accept the Zoobocard and wanted Master- or Visa- card. (This is why I generally frequent Le Cafe du Lapin Dormant.) I was forced by these circumstances back into an unwilling state of sobriety during which I began plodding back home. It was then that I found an unread Chinese Fortune on the side walk. I though to myself, "Why read it? It will only collapse the wavefunction of my life into some specific path. As it is, as far as I know, anything could happen." I continued from there on to Pisa, where I repelled down the wrong side of the famous tower. That was a long drop. I think I still have rope burns. I won't do that again. Have you ever operated a forklift?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan29-04, 06:30 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Once, when I was succumbing to some of your product, I found myself unable to stand on the normal, and, that being the case, I began to crawl on all fours toward my last known residence. Since I happened to already be at my last known residence when this journey started, I ended up getting further and farther away untill I found myself sitting at a table outside the Cafe du Tortue Courante ordering another White Russian made with Parson's Sparkling Aged Vodka. Problems arose when it turned out they did not accept the Zoobocard and wanted Master- or Visa- card. (This is why I generally frequent Le Cafe du Lapin Dormant.) I was forced by these circumstances back into an unwilling state of sobriety during which I began plodding back home. It was then that I found an unread Chinese Fortune on the side walk. I though to myself, "Why read it? It will only collapse the wavefunction of my life into some specific path. As it is, as far as I know, anything could happen." I continued from there on to Pisa, where I repelled down the wrong side of the famous tower. That was a long drop. I think I still have rope burns. I won't do that again. Have you ever operated a forklift? Yes! (The operable 'word' is "operate" as of course cause anyone can drive a fork, and no doubt, even a child can lift one to their mouths, so why he would even ask the quetion, well, its that Vodka, I heard, 1000% proof by volume (and weight) and apparently that is why the wouldn't take his ZOOBOCARD® ("Where life is a treasure of 'things' that you buy!!" Pricey! things") as he is apparently 'maxed outed' to the 'max' that it can be 'outed', sooooooo...

In "no" space the first rule is: "("No" Rules)", and in case of a 'dangling' or 'unattached/unsupported' "Yes"....well, see rule # one...given that, and knowing this, why was it that the experimentors, looking for evidence of the persistance of the sinusoidal wave functions derivation, from the still 'uncollapsed' "wave function", stuck the thermometer up the pussie's rectum?

jimmy p

Jan29-04, 05:44 PM

because they are cruel and sadistic kitty haters, who think that any problem can be solved by finding the temperature of a cat by inserting a thermometer neatly up their anus.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Tom Mattson

Jan29-04, 09:36 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Because when you make the initial investment, you are just a little broker.

If chroot loves Google (http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13426) so much, why doesn't he marry it then?

edit: Added a link so you wouldn't think I am crazy.

zoobyshoe

Jan29-04, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by Tom
If chroot loves Google (http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13426) so much, why doesn't he marry it then?

edit: Added a link so you wouldn't think I am crazy.
For the second time in my long memory, Supermentor Tom has entered this thread realizing that the answer to a particular quetion that has been troubling him can be found nowhere else on the web.

After profound thought and much irritating cogitation, I believe the answer to your quetion must lie in the fact that google rejected chroot's proposal.

Why doesn't Tom want us to think he's crazy?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan30-04, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Why doesn't Tom want us to think he's crazy? So Chroot won't spend any more time chasing after his wife...[o)] [6)] [6)]

Why hasn't the world found this site, and completely overpopulated it, yet?

FZ+

Jan30-04, 07:40 PM

Do you want the real reason, or the reason containing kung-fu acrobatics, slow-mo, tough talking cops and many, many guns?

Well, do ya, punk?

jimmy p

Jan30-04, 08:01 PM

OOH OOH the kung foo reason, get all ninja on Robins *** LOL (no offence Robin)!!

Why do we call beer alcohol when practically every other alcohol is poisonous??

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan30-04, 08:29 PM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why do we call beer alcohol when practically every other alcohol is poisonous?? Cause we don't like admiting that it is usually 95% water.... [o)]

Why is water, toxic?

zoobyshoe

Jan31-04, 01:46 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is water, toxic?
I have tried to scrute this quetion for a while now, but I believe it is inscrutable. (It's that comma. Turns it into some kind of Canadian koan.)

Today I was reading the poetry of W.B. Yeats and couldn't make any sence out of it, although it seemed full of pain and urgency. Do you have to be Irish or just intoxicated?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Jan31-04, 06:31 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Today I was reading the poetry of W.B. Yeats and couldn't make any sence out of it, although it seemed full of pain and urgency. Do you have to be Irish or just intoxicated? Irish, intoxicated, and in a fight! otherwise it just isn't there....or so I've heard..

While typing out a responce to "Who is your favorite poster" Mr. RP stated it was "This Guy" --> [6)] <--"yuG sihT" so, it is abundantly clear that his placing of the wording "This Guy", in reverse, was done simply to accomodate the "people inside the computer screen" (NOT to be confused with "The people at the other end of the computer screen") thusly "Begging the Quetion" of "Why", "Why oh-why-oh-why" is it that, not a sigle one of the rest of you ever bothers to think of the people inside the screen!, all of you type like this, forward pointing, and force the little beggars to read everything backwards!! I! amongst all of you, stand alone, at being kind, and considerate, towards these little munchkinks, but all of you? HAH! Nothing! not a thing! not a shred of kindness! consideration! thought! not even a little modicum of niceness! not in a single one of you, why?

zoobyshoe

Feb1-04, 12:48 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
"Begging the Quetion" of "Why", "Why oh-why-oh-why" is it that, not a sigle one of the rest of you ever bothers to think of the people inside the screen!, all of you type like this, forward pointing, and force the little beggars to read everything backwards!! I! amongst all of you, stand alone, at being kind, and considerate, towards these little munchkinks, but all of you? HAH! Nothing! not a thing! not a shred of kindness! consideration! thought! not even a little modicum of niceness! not in a single one of you, why?
.detsixe sknikhcnum esoht wenk reven I tub yrros m'I

Ivan Seeking recently posted a link to an article which reported that a whale had spontaneously exploded in the streets of Taiwan. That being the case, why is it people deny the existence of spontaneous human combustion?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb1-04, 06:11 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Ivan Seeking recently posted a link to an article which reported that a whale had spontaneously exploded in the streets of Taiwan. That being the case, why is it people deny the existence of spontaneous human combustion? Cause, clearly, based upon the evidence, (you know the F-A-C-T-S) it's WHALES that do it, NOT people! Heck I even watched the video through Yahoo!

Why is it that poeple like Zoobyshoe, always dismissive, always doubting, never believing anything you tell them, 'Sarcaustic' to the nth degree, never seem to know about the "little" people?

selfAdjoint

Feb1-04, 11:04 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Cause, clearly, based upon the evidence, (you know the F-A-C-T-S) it's WHALES that do it, NOT people! Heck I even watched the video through Yahoo!

Why is it that poeple like Zoobyshoe, always dismissive, always doubting, never believing anything you tell them, 'Sarcaustic' to the nth degree, never seem to know about the "little" people?

Because he's large-minded.

Why do the little people not recognize the divinity of Zooby?

zoobyshoe

Feb1-04, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
Why do the little people not recognize the divinity of Zooby?
Eh? I think someone just smoked him selfAjoint.

Recently on a trip to the antartic aboard the steamer Whazzup I came down with a bad case of motion sickness, sometimes refered to under these circumstances as Mal de Mer and although I've been back for a while I can't seem to shake the symptoms: nausea, cookie tossing, mild headache. The doctors here at area 51 seem less interested in curing it that studying it. Anyone know any home remedies for land-extended sea sickness?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb1-04, 08:27 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently on a trip to the antartic aboard the steamer Whazzup I came down with a bad case of motion sickness, sometimes refered to under these circumstances as Mal de Mer and although I've been back for a while I can't seem to shake the symptoms: nausea, cookie tossing, mild headache. The doctors here at area 51 seem less interested in curing it that studying it. Anyone know any home remedies for land-extended sea sickness? Don't ya just lov it when someone answers his own quetion....Eh? I think someone just (needs to have) smoked him selfAjoint.

So now that the issue of Zoobyshoe, and the 'little people', is finally publically raised, why-oh, why-oh, why-oh, why was it so easy to fool the 'zoobster, by telling him that they "recognized there writing only if it was sdrawkcab", (heck is that ever dumb) they spend their entire lives reading what we write, from the other side, it is supposed to look, to us, exactly as it is *here* (not like *ereh*) for them to see it, in what they see, as 'normal' why-oh, why-oh, why was it so easy to fool the 'zoob', (Le chat) was it really a collusion?? or just a conspiracy??

zoobyshoe

Feb2-04, 03:47 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So now that the issue of Zoobyshoe...
...was it really a collusion?? or just a conspiracy??
"Ungk...Can't we all just get along?"

Recently on a voyage to the antarctic aboard the steamer Buoyant Betty, there was a passenger named Richard C. @4^^&%%. At least that's what we called him behind his back, since no one could figure out how to pronounce his last name despite having him tutor us in it several times. Some suspected a speach impediment but I doubted that since every other word I heard him say was perfectly clear. He was frequently seen to be eating celery stalks. He also smoked a pipe, which is more and more rare among the younger generations. I estimate his age to have been about nine years old. Once I found him reading a copy of The Elements and Essentials of Tone Production In Gourds and Other Vegetation Used as Musical Instruments among the Aboriginal Peoples of Eastern Vancouver Island, one of my favorite books on the subject. Did you notice anything else interesting about him?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb2-04, 07:02 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently on a voyage to the antarctic aboard the steamer Buoyant Betty, there was a passenger named Richard C. @4^^&%%. At least that's what we called him behind his back, since no one could figure out how to pronounce his last name despite having him tutor us in it several times. Some suspected a speach impediment but I doubted that since every other word I heard him say was perfectly clear. He was frequently seen to be eating celery stalks. He also smoked a pipe, which is more and more rare among the younger generations. I estimate his age to have been about nine years old. Once I found him reading a copy of The Elements and Essentials of Tone Production In Gourds and Other Vegetation Used as Musical Instruments among the Aboriginal Peoples of Eastern Vancouver Island, one of my favorite books on the subject. Did you notice anything else interesting about him? Well, I sorta thought that you having your finger up his nose, was just a little to personal, for me, but I wasn't going to say ANYthing, but you asked......

Is the last stage of the costruction of "Tickle Me Elmo"® really the builders giving him two test-tickles?

jimmy p

Feb2-04, 08:35 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is the last stage of the costruction of "Tickle Me Elmo"® really the builders giving him two test-tickles?

Well it used to be one builder holds him down and the other punched him in the gut, but the results were a little inconclusive to whether Elmo did the job at hand.

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb2-04, 11:53 AM

Originally posted by jimmy p
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? How else would anyone know how to spell it....

If the people on the inside of the screen, live, in an electric vacuum of soundless space, what do they really think we are doing, when they look throught the little black dots they create, on the screen (to see out) and see our mouths "just'a flappin away"...HUH?

firefly

Feb7-04, 09:01 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the people on the inside of the screen, live, in an electric vacuum of soundless space, what do they really think we are doing, when they look throught the little black dots they create, on the screen (to see out) and see our mouths "just'a flappin away"...HUH?

It may be note to some (if you have a fishtank you can try this by holding an empty toilet paper roll perpendicular to the fish tank, so as to appear as a circular from fish perspective, and smooshing the roll so that the circle flattens and widens, flattens and widens, in succession...) that some animals have powerful negative instincts with regard to the flapping/smooshing movement of mouths, or objects resembling mouths... so i might suspect the little creatures should think that we (or rather you, Mr. Parsons, for I do not indeed have the habit of flapping my mouth in front of my screen), being larger and such, are a natural predator trying to make them our next meal. Then again it depends how fish-like those little creatures are, doesn't it.

What if you think there is something distinctly fishy going on in between the pixels of your screen, but you have such high resolution you are unable to hook into it, and unfortunately the resolution does not apply to the question in question?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb7-04, 09:43 AM

Originally posted by firefly
What if you think there is something distinctly fishy going on in between the pixels of your screen, but you have such high resolution you are unable to hook into it, and unfortunately the resolution does not apply to the question in question? You resolve the resolution to resolving the resolution problem, by way of, a resolution that resoves your resolution problems, then, once resolved, you realize that you mouths "flappin" is really simply because you forgot to breath through you nose, so when the little people inside the screen see you, they really think that you are.....!

When the maiden, became a maid, how was it done?

firefly

Feb7-04, 10:27 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When the maiden, became a maid, how was it done?

By a complex transmutational process involving gynetic consideration of position, activity, and lace, all of which may require addition. Buckets may also be required for milkmaids. Large breasts are not required and Ajax is strictly verboten other than as a potential name of the household hound.

Once maid, how might the make-up be perfected, and how should the lone suffix, as a legitimate byproduct, be elim-en-ated?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb7-04, 05:57 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Once maid, how might the make-up be perfected, and how should the lone suffix, as a legitimate byproduct, be elim-en-ated? Well the maiden must be alluring as to be able to entice away "The Lone Suffix", or we will just have to call in his sidekick, and 'oust' the two of them, to-get-her...

While scrubbing down my floors with Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka how many ounces of Vodka are the recomended amounts to mix, with what volume of water, as to ensure the transferance of the "Sparkling" qualites to the floor?

zoobyshoe

Feb7-04, 10:05 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While scrubbing down my floors with Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka how many ounces of Vodka are the recomended amounts to mix, with what volume of water, as to ensure the transferance of the "Sparkling" qualites to the floor?
I have never used this product for that purpose myself, but if I recall correctly from my observations of the galley helper woman's method of accomplishing this, two shot glasses of that product taken straight, without water, were what was needed to cause her to remark how sparkling the floor now seemed.

Once, when I was steaming toward the antarctic aboard the WWII salvage ship The Green Egg I was rummaging around in the bowels of the craft, where passengers weren't allowed, and found what seemed to be an authentic example of that most famous of all WWII graffiti:Kilroy Was Here neatly chalked into the hull wall. A quick dash to the ship's machine shop, where I procured an acetylene torch, and back, and I was hard at work cutting the slab of hull containing this priceless piece of history away to take home and sell on E-Bay, when it seemed like all the water south of Cape Horn suddenly had started to rush into the compartement through the gash I had cut. So I snuck the torch back into the machine shop and wrote an anonymous note to the watch commander which said "Someone seems to have splled something on B deck." And I retired to my cabin. What percentage of drivers don't know how to use a stick?

firefly

Feb8-04, 07:39 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Once, when I was steaming toward the antarctic aboard the WWII salvage ship The Green Egg I was rummaging around in the bowels of the craft, where passengers weren't allowed, and found what seemed to be an authentic example of that most famous of all WWII graffiti:Kilroy Was Here neatly chalked into the hull wall. A quick dash to the ship's machine shop, where I procured an acetylene torch, and back, and I was hard at work cutting the slab of hull containing this priceless piece of history away to take home and sell on E-Bay, when it seemed like all the water south of Cape Horn suddenly had started to rush into the compartement through the gash I had cut. So I snuck the torch back into the machine shop and wrote an anonymous note to the watch commander which said "Someone seems to have splled something on B deck." And I retired to my cabin. What percentage of drivers don't know how to use a stick? UOO. Undetermined Objective Observation.
Derivation as follows: The percentage sign requires the use of a stick. not knowing how precisely to dispose it's placement in the mathematically annotate response, one is left with the 'oo' component of this symbol. U is e-speak for 'you', because use of the first person again would require a stick-like placement, again, undeterminable in a general sense. Hence, UOO.

How do you play Snakes and Ladders while intoxifikated wuth a loft moor then toooooo shuts of thu Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka win oll thu stiks in the laddress luck lyk snaiks, and vyse-versatile cuz u no this so u *hic* try to comp and sate with hic-terpretational aramaic maniperlation?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb8-04, 08:31 AM

Originally posted by a slightly drunk (or stoned?) flyfired
How do you play Snakes and Ladders while intoxifikated wuth a loft moor then toooooo shuts of thu Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka win oll thu stiks in the laddress luck lyk snaiks, and vyse-versatile cuz u no this so u *hic* try to comp and sate with hic-terpretational aramaic maniperlation?

Wiel y'us us's them thar 'tingies tuz climbbbbbbbbbbbbss them thangies, Oooops, fallin, now oust, uhhhhhh??/, waht ? huh/ Uhmm, O kate, i mean Kay, uhmmm ida kno!

Last time I was out here, well, you know, don't you?

(Signed; "Blankfiller" putty in some'ones' hands)

firefly

Feb8-04, 09:42 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Last time I was out here, well, you know, don't you?
oooooh, I daresay I know naught... for I have never tried to imParsonate you.

(Signed; "Blankfiller" putty in some'ones' hands) Why never, I should never draw upon a blank by way of adorning it with mine own signature in imitative style of another's.

You silly putty, you, I shall mold you into a nose cover for the winter! How, in respect of fashion and trend, and with due consideration of being at wit's end from the cold, how indeeeeed, must a Parsonalized silly putty nose cover be worn?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb8-04, 10:34 PM

Originally posted by a 'nauseated' firefly
You silly putty, you, I shall mold you into a nose cover for the winter! How, in respect of fashion and trend, and with due consideration of being at wit's end from the cold, how indeeeeed, must a Parsonalized silly putty nose cover be worn?
Well, right foot first, is the proper manner of beginning the insertion, of the person, into the Parsonalized® nosepiece thereafter followed by events that are crypticaly descriptive of several intense and exhilrating experiances only enjoyed by true wearers of the Parsonalized® nosepiece, and thereafter all wearers are clearly identifiable by the smile, that you cannot see, on their faces!

So now that we ALL know just how to dress in our proper nosepieces, what do we do with a druken sailor?

firefly

Feb9-04, 04:45 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Well, right foot first, is the proper manner of beginning the insertion, of the person, into the Parsonalized® nosepiece thereafter followed by events that are crypticaly descriptive of several intense and exhilrating experiances only enjoyed by true wearers of the Parsonalized® nosepiece, and thereafter all wearers are clearly identifiable by the smile, that you cannot see, on their faces!

So now that we ALL know just how to dress in our proper nosepieces, what do we do with a druken sailor? Sounds to me like a great match for the Ajax Lady... I'd bet they'd both enjoy sloshing around with some ƒlying zoobies

(recipe) (http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=143509&highlight=unpasteurized+goats+milk#post143509). And I'd bet a certain Polish Aviator (of Zoob's acquaintance) wouldn't mind making it ménage à trois.

{edited to correct cocktail name and adjust link to recipe}

Oh but what about a deParsonalized Mr. Robin, due to the undue overproduction of overly marketed and thus highly successful Parsonalized® nosepiece? Oh dear, no that wouldn't do at all! So what about a fired fly? I've heard fried flies be velly nice, velly velly nice... of couse flying leaves velly little... but we no' talk abou' flying leaves, nor flying fries. Anyway that is two quetions: now I make two in one and leave only one True Quetion:

What do you make of a depersonalized firefly, having fair little left but a tiny exoskeleton which flutters like a falling leaf?

zoobyshoe

Feb9-04, 06:13 AM

Originally posted by firefly What do you make of a depersonalized firefly, having fair little left but a tiny exoskeleton which flutters like a falling leaf? Buy her a gift certificate for two months at Zooby's® Entomological Resort and Spa where the regiment of diet high in green, leafy flora, and ƒlying rehabilitation (lead by a Polish aviator of his acquaintaince) will soon have that critter able to defy the strongest wind and glow proudly enough to start rumors of UFO sightings for miles around.

Edited to include the following stupid quetion: Whizm for molasses?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb9-04, 06:29 AM

Originally posted by an obviously telepathic, drunken, quizical and fun! zoobyshoe
Edited to include the following stupid quetion: Whizm for molasses? edited to include an answer
Wasssup for 'mola'...followed by the keen observation that, the realities of the situation had precluded the possibility of ever having to resolve, the clearly, unresovable problem, that had been fixed last week, inasmuch as, the repair was effectively effected, by the effective team, of effective persons, effecting the repair that was unrepairable...to this day.

When editing your posting, drunk on a galloon of drink, should you actually change anything?

zoobyshoe

Feb9-04, 06:46 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When editing your posting, drunk on a galloon of drink, should you actually change anything?
Well, I'm not familiar with the liquid measure of a galoon so I'm not qualified to anser in toto. One should, however, always change underwear when appropriate.

Recently the following neologism came to me, as if from "The Other Side" in a mystical dream: splogomenial. What the heck did the spirits mean by that?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb9-04, 07:19 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently the following neologism came to me, as if from "The Other Side" in a mystical dream: splogomenial. What the heck did the spirits mean by that? WOW [o)] deepest and most heartlessly felt sorrows towards you Zoob, that expression, by the spirits, is self descriptive, so' you gotta figure it out, as it applies only to uz!

Since the Zoobster is now held, in situ, by his new found Neologism, what chronologism now applies?

zoobyshoe

Feb9-04, 08:23 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Since the Zoobster is now held, in situ, by his new found Neologism, what chronologism now applies?
10 metric hours to the day, 100 metric minutes to the hour, 100 metric seconds to the minute. All sundials must be tweaked accordingly.

Did the hourglasses stop the day the earth stood still?

firefly

Feb9-04, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Did the hourglasses stop the day the earth stood still?

No, dear. Quite the converse: the day during which the earth hung immobile (i.e. "at rest," but relative to what I cannot say, nor if one or the other theory of relativity would be relevant, being quite ignorant as to the distinction of each, and yet more oblivious as to how looping quanta provides for their integration... but I digress) ... as i was saying, it was in fact this day, or I should say fraction of anomalous "time" (digression omitted) which itself directly caused of the stopping of the glasses of the hours, which in turn stopped the planet. However simply playing the Dance of the Hours was found to tweak these instruments accordingly, and restore the Earth's regular orbital motion. For those who did not have a copy of the music someplace, there was a 24/7 800 number you could dial, provided by Sun Microsystems, which would tweak your glasses accordingly.

Do visions of sugarplums... and sugarbabies... and Zabagabees ...dance in your glasses when you listen to the NutCracker Suite and the Dance of the Hours simultaneously, "looping" each with repeat play?

Spherical_chicken

Feb9-04, 09:33 PM

Originally posted by firefly
No, dear. Quite the converse: the day during which the earth hung immobile (i.e. "at rest," but relative to what I cannot say, nor if one or the other theory of relativity would be relevant, being quite ignorant as to the distinction of each, and yet more oblivious as to how looping quanta provides for their integration... but I digress) ... as i was saying, it was in fact this day, or I should say fraction of anomalous "time" (digression omitted) which itself directly caused of the stopping of the glasses of the hours, which in turn stopped the planet. However simply playing the Dance of the Hours was found to tweak these instruments accordingly, and restore the Earth's regular orbital motion. For those who did not have a copy of the music someplace, there was a 24/7 800 number you could dial, provided by Sun Microsystems, which would tweak your glasses accordingly.

Do visions of sugarplums... and sugarbabies... and Zabagabees ...dance in your glasses when you listen to the NutCracker Suite and the Dance of the Hours simultaneously, "looping" each with repeat play?

Depends on if you are wearing your "Rose-colored Mirror Shades"
But if I had time to read all of these posts, in full, for fun. Does that mean that the only way to turn "Up" into "Down" is to stand on your head?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb10-04, 10:34 AM

Originally posted by Spherical_chicken
(SNIP) Does that mean that the only way to turn "Up" into "Down" is to stand on your head? (SNoP) No! other methods are; Huxtapositioning, juxtapositioning, inversion, inverting, reversing, overturning, end tossing, and several 'other' various and sundry manners of typiconographical representations of "head" tossing...

When wanting something, why do you not want the other thing?

firefly

Feb10-04, 11:45 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When wanting something, why do you not want the other thing? Because that would imply I would want a-not-her-thing, and more notably, a not so-me-thing.

Are all knotty things naughty, implicit or not in the motion and mooring of any nautical vessel?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb10-04, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by an N'ought firefly/ing
Are all knotty things naughty, implicit or not in the motion and mooring of any nautical vessel? Well yes they are and no they are "Not", but "Knot" yes they are, but "naught" well it is in the eyes of the beholder (if you knows whatch's holding onta wink-wink/nudge) inasmunch as, it is a terribly 'knotty' issue, to un'knot' the 'naughtyness' from the 'non'-'naughtyness' of motions (resembling oceans, hither, fro and too) followed by the insinuations of maniacal assertions of naughtynesses knotted to the Not issued issue, so it is plain, and clear, now!

While strolling in the park, one day, in the very merry month of May, I came by my surprise, upon a feast with mine own two eyes...what the heck was it?

zoobyshoe

Feb10-04, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Are all knotty things naughty, implicit or not in the motion and mooring of any nautical vessel?
The marine vessel implies the female "particulars", yes, all ships are she; all nautical knots are naughty, other knots: not.

Did Dylan Thomas describe the "deed" during:"I want to ship wreck between your thighs!" ?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb10-04, 06:57 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Did Dylan Thomas describe the "deed" during:"I want to ship wreck between your thighs!" ? Actually no he foundered, then she foundered, then the entire cast and crew foundered, then the entire audience, participants, associates, affiliates, and other attachments, also foundered, so he was describing a deed all right, just not the naught little one in your dirty little mind......[6)]

When singing, should you use your voice?

firefly

Feb10-04, 07:24 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When singing, should you use your voice? It might be useful yes, insofar as being heard, but to produce quality output it would be a fairly gross way to go about it... might i suggestion you inflect the voice instead.Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons [:)]
While strolling in the park, one day, in the very merry month of May, I came by my surprise, upon a feast with mine own two eyes...what the heck was it?

zoobyshoe

Feb10-04, 09:42 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While strolling in the park, one day, in the very merry month of May, I came by my surprise, upon a feast with mine own two eyes...what the heck was it?
You know, it's funny you should ask that quetion because once, when I was recovering from Fish Jelly poisoning, it ocured to me that the fish they made the jelly from might have been stung by a jelly fish, which wouldn't have been the fish's fault. So, why don't jelly fish sting themselves? The reason is they don't care to. They sting other fish. It's a fish sting fish ocean.

Allow me to interpolate one of the most famous stupid quetions in film history: Walter Brennan from To Have And Have Not:

Originally asked by Eddie "The Rummy""Say, was you ever bit by a dead bee?"

firefly

Feb11-04, 06:52 PM

Originally interpolated by zoobyshoe as one of the most famous stupid quetions in film history: Walter Brennan from To Have And Have Not:
Originally asked by Eddie "The Rummy""Say, was you ever bit by a dead bee?" Very close, yes very close, I have in fact been stung by a soon-to-be-dead bee... I have also bitten a beetroot, been hit on by a deadbeat, and take my coffee with milk and sugar. raw cane, if available.

Which are better, string beans or things that have been but have not been strung?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb12-04, 09:13 AM

Originally posted by, a now 'threaded', Firefly
Which are better, string beans or things that have been but have not been strung?
So, "String a song of six beans, pockets in a row, how many beans, been 'beened', by the stringing out, we know,...tell a tale of stringy things, strung out in a thread, and all the while you'll find a 'ditty', in everything you've read!....."

What the heck is a 'ditty'??

firefly

Feb12-04, 08:53 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What the heck is a 'ditty'?? A ditty serves to dance around a deed, in rhythmic patterns strung is every bead... of dew, that glistens from the starlit lawn, until the Queen moves in to take the pawn.

How many beets are in a bar?

Tom Mattson

Feb12-04, 09:08 PM

Originally posted by firefly
How many beets are in a bar?

Dunno. My favorite bars serve booze, not beets.

Will zoobyshoe notice that I am posting in this thread for a third time?

firefly

Feb12-04, 09:21 PM

Originally posted by Tom
Will zoobyshoe notice that I am posting in this thread for a third time? It is impossible to predict what a Zooby may or may not notice, but the Quetion itself may interfere with the observable result.

Was it the intent of SuperMentor Tom to test the Heisenberg principle on Zoobyshoe?

Tom Mattson

Feb12-04, 09:24 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Was it the intent of SuperMentor Tom to test the Heisenberg principle on Zoobyshoe?

Yes, it was, and in the process I learned that the eigenstates of firefly span a Hilbert space that overlap with the eigenstates of zoobyshoe, and thus firefly and zoobyshoe are noncommuting observables.

I know what mechanics do for a living, but what sort of cars do quantum mechanics work on?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb12-04, 10:26 PM

Originally posted by SUPER mentor Tom!!
I know what mechanics do for a living, but what sort of cars do quantum mechanics work on? What a strangely charming quizical quirk of a quarky quetion....as it is the clearest of things that quantum mechanics work on nanoauto's...or autonano's wait, I didn't go yet, (where the heck is that zoobyshoe,... he should have been answwering this quetion not me! I'm Drunk (really! see *hic* there! that proves it!)...well not really drunk, but i had a beer. ooops did I say that out loud what??/) Uhmm well they work on these really really really really really little cars, I mean autos, I mean.....oh I giv e u-p!

If someone is talking to you, and your NoT listening, do they still make noise?

zoobyshoe

Feb13-04, 01:47 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If someone is talking to you, and your NoT listening, do they still make noise?
It depends on whether or No T you're falling over in the woods at the time. (Caused by stubbing your T.o.E.)

If a Supermentor posts four times in a thread, and there isn't a zooby around to see it, did he really post?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb13-04, 06:25 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a Supermentor posts four times in a thread, and there isn't a zooby around to see it, did he really post? Zoob, this is he stupid quention forum thread, you are supposed to ASK A QUENTION!

If someone writes, and there is no one there to read it, is it still legible?

zoobyshoe

Feb13-04, 12:26 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Zoob, this is he stupid quention forum thread, you are supposed to [b]ASK A QUENTION!
Please clean your glasses at least once a month.
If someone writes, and there is no one there to read it, is it still legible? All writing, no matter how inscrutable, automatically becomes perfectly legible when there is no one there to read it, yes.

Will Mr. Robin Parsons be able to read this quetion with his dirty glasses?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb13-04, 04:36 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Will Mr. Robin Parsons be able to read this quetion with his dirty glasses?
Zoob, this is he stupid quention forum thread, you are supposed to ASK A QUENTION!

When will zoobyshoe begin asking stupid quentions again?

firefly

Feb15-04, 04:36 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons When will zoobyshoe begin asking stupid quentions again?
Perhaps the quention asked herein
Is not the kind that saw this thread begin
Perhaps our zooby's wonderin'
When Mr. Parsons might rethink his quetionin'

Or... maybe he can only think of real smart questions, and no stupid quetions (let alone quentions or exquinctions or quantumptions...)

(Ok... the truth is, firefly doesn't know. ...boooo hooo hooo [*(] [*(] [*(] ...i have no clooooo hooo hoooo [*(] [*(] [*(] )

Does a quention make one less thirsty (n.b. this however is a quetion)?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb15-04, 09:27 AM

Originally posted by firefly
Does a quention make one less thirsty (n.b. this however is a quetion)? Yes, if answered, it gives the "drink of knowledge"...unless properly answered, then it give the gift of laughter [6)]

Why is it a quention, as oppposed to a question?

firefly

Feb15-04, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it a quention, as oppposed to a question? i supppppose there munt be an ulterior untension to distinguish from the anking of a reqular question ... but more elusive to me is the absence of a quetion when aking one could not be simpler.[:D]

What is a threaded thistle used for in bird-watching?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-04, 11:06 AM

Originally posted by firefly
What is a threaded thistle used for in bird-watching?
The threaded thistle is used because no one has found a better, cheaper substitute. That's what for.

Recently when I was repelling down the side of...(insert name of some tall edifice or natural formation), I was was surprised to encounter...(insert something incongruous with the above, preferably surreal), and so I...(insert description of some absurd behaviour or peculiar verbal response). What's your favorite rice dish?

firefly

Feb16-04, 06:20 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently when I was repelling down the side of...(insert name of some tall edifice or natural formation), I was was surprised to encounter...(insert something incongruous with the above, preferably surreal), and so I...(insert description of some absurd behaviour or peculiar verbal response). What's your favorite rice dish? I most often have it in a bowl, but truly I'm not too preferential and will happily eat it out of any number of receptacles including, but not limited to, cups, flat plates, pots or pans (non-stick or aluminum or stainless steel or...), paper cones, icecream cones, giant oyster or abalone shells, cone shells, pine cones, pine needles, needle threaders, threaded thistles... ok i am exaggerating. indeed, this is a silly sketch. and now for something completely different:

What sort of shells might she/i-conify?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb16-04, 08:20 PM

Originally posted by a now energetically vortexing fireFly'er(?)
What sort of shells might she/i-conify?

Well, in a nutshell she might just about conidificate just about every conificadation that there is to be conifikiditatted, conically speaking to all those who have the mind to know of the cone, AKA coneheadednesses'alanessie's ("Bar and Grill' I hear) hence we would find the ergo that would lead us to a therefore of unalterable cyclindrical novelty inthertheraftertheeof we proceed into the conifikidation of all conificadationally spoken cones, (Jumps up and down, in salutations) herafter24 we proceeded, cause that's about how many cones are conified by She/i.

So now, what number was that?

firefly

Feb16-04, 08:57 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So now, what number was that? 42.

Having lost a molar while chewing the nut of an average avocado, how do you derive Avogadro's number?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb17-04, 05:37 PM

Originally posted by a rhather toothy firefly
Having lost a molar while chewing the nut of an average avocado, how do you derive Avogadro's number? Well "molarity" must be out of the question, followed by that other thingy there "Grama's Mole" or sumthing liken that, so how many moles does it take to make a molehill, bout a mountains worth, I'da herd, but you shoulda seen her a chewing that there nut, still in that avocado too just a chompin and a bitein, Ooooops that was the Dog....o.k. what was the answer again, I mean question oh Ya, that Avogadroes guy thing, useing a calculators a good way, I heard...and a scale, a really really accurate one.

So now that you know exactly how many atoms there are, in two (2) packets of white sugar, how are you gonna fit, all of that, into you? (a sextillion, I herd)...
-42 {Naturally}

firefly

Feb17-04, 06:46 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So now that you know exactly how many atoms there are, in two (2) packets of white sugar, how are you gonna fit, all of that, into you? (a sextillion, I herd)...
-42 {Naturally} [o)] Cough. splutter. gulp. Ummmmmmmm.... Can't touch this.

How do you coordinate a herd of cats?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb17-04, 08:11 PM

Originally posted by firefly
How do you coordinate a herd of cats? By useing a Pussy Posse choreographer, or calculate their respective positions and call Hurkyl, he's really good in 'ordinate' math.... [6)]

How do you herd a group of Dancers? (huh?)

firefly

Feb17-04, 10:49 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How do you herd a group of Dancers? (huh?) Find yerself a Rudolf, fit him with a deluxe, battery-operated glowing red Parsonalized® nosepiece, and all the Dancers should fall in line, right along with all the Dashers, and Prancers, and Vixens...

Was the ruthless Adolf just a genetically handicapped version of red-nosed Rudolf?

zoobyshoe

Feb18-04, 03:44 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Was the ruthless Adolf just a genetically handicapped version of red-nosed Rudolf? You know, it's funny you should ask that quetion, because once, when a polish aviator of my acquaintence had just returned from a hard day's night hauling Christmas presents to the poverty stricken daughters of coal miners, his rosey, alcoholic nose happened to be running, and since he was too cold or drunk to realize it, the moist patch running from his nostrils to his upper lip was soon darkened by the coal dust floating in the air of the little West Virginia community such that there did arise a certain Rudolf/Adolf confusion about his appearance.

Once I was floating aimlessly on my back in a canal in Venice, Italy, with a photograph of Ludwig Van Beethoven propped up on my stomach facing me where I could keep an eye on the pesky, ill tempered composer, when a man came floating by in a similar arrangement except that he was supervising a photograph of ill tempered Russian composer, Igor Stravinski. Which of us was right?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb18-04, 08:30 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Once I was floating aimlessly on my back in a canal in Venice, Italy, with a photograph of Ludwig Van Beethoven propped up on my stomach facing me where I could keep an eye on the pesky, ill tempered composer, when a man came floating by in a similar arrangement except that he was supervising a photograph of ill tempered Russian composer, Igor Stravinski. Which of us was right? Just finished discussing this with some Drunken Polish aviator of an aquaintence of, well, someone else, (other then myself) and was told that neither were right,...one was 'aft', and the other was 'forward' ("apparently" but nary a face slapppin was heard, so wedding plans are a nigh....so we's hears) and the other one was somewheres abeam of the entire thingy, so when juxtapositioning the alterior motif's of the arrangements, of others, we must ensure that the music is playing, and not the musaK!

While strolling in the park, one day, what the heck didn't happen to Zoobyshoes best buddy the drun'King Polish flier?? (Fireflier???HUH???)

zoobyshoe

Feb18-04, 08:55 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While strolling in the park, one day, what the heck didn't happen to Zoobyshoes best buddy the drun'King Polish flier?? (Fireflier???HUH???) Mainly, he was not demoted from aviator to flier. Nor was he promoted from acquaintence to best buddy. I know him through friends. Casually. He keeps to himself, his martinis, his cockpits, his freelanz, at home, experiments with mice and carcinogens, his peculiar habit of shaving his eyebrows and drawing them back on with a ballpoint pen. Oh, he throws a great party, but deep down no one knows him. Acquaintence of all, friend to none. The mysterious Mr. F.

Once when I was leisurely floating on my back in a canal in Venice, California, USA, with a pitcher of ƒlying zoobies and a glass balanced on my stomach, an elderly woman who happened to be passing by pulled her husband to a stop, pointed at me, and said "There he is, Herman! That's the man who stole the jar of pickled artichoke hearts out of my shopping cart at Ralph's, yesterday!". Whereupon "Herman" grabbed a boathook from a nearby yacht and began trying to fish me out of the canal. Suddenly, an elderly woman poked her head up out of the interior of the yacht and, frantically pointing at Herman, began yelling down into the boat, "There he is Frank! There's the man who stole our boathook!" What do you suppose Frank had to steal, and from who, to try and get the boathook back?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb19-04, 04:53 PM

Originally posted by a, now, 'dearly degutted' Zoobyshoe (R.I.P. resting in places)
Once when I was leisurely floating on my back in a canal in Venice, California, USA, with a pitcher of ƒlying zoobies and a glass balanced on my stomach, an elderly woman who happened to be passing by pulled her husband to a stop, pointed at me, and said "There he is, Herman! That's the man who stole the jar of pickled artichoke hearts out of my shopping cart at Ralph's, yesterday!". Whereupon "Herman" grabbed a boathook from a nearby yacht and began trying to fish me out of the canal. Suddenly, an elderly woman poked her head up out of the interior of the yacht and, frantically pointing at Herman, began yelling down into the boat, "There he is Frank! There's the man who stole our boathook!" What do you suppose Frank had to steal, and from who, to try and get the boathook back?

Well Frank, being a Genius, took up his flare gun, shot out the pitcher of Flying Zoobies laying upon your gut, that exploded, blowing the Herman character out of his clothing, that caused the Now Infamous "Boathook" to go carreening out of Hermans hands, flying past his totally befud'dled partner, bouncing off of a nearby shopping cart, and flying, ricochet style, off of the next door neighbours masthead, landing at Franks feet, whereupon he turned to his loving wife, pulled her off of her feet using the Now amorous boathook, and well you know the rest....

Don't ya?

firefly

Feb24-04, 10:03 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
and well you know the rest....

Don't ya? Don't I indeed. To be Frank I might, in fantasy perhaps, but not in deed! Why, fancy that!

Why is Witch Hazel good for Brews-as dark as midnight?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb25-04, 08:43 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Why is Witch Hazel good for Brews-as dark as midnight? Well, I went over to her house, to conduct the interview, as to determine just why "Brew-as Dark as midnight", but she was add'amint, with me, that, NO! she didn't know a darn thing!

So your boss just handed you "The" Primo assignment, Book deal, the whole nine yards, two years to write it, lotsa up front signing bonu$, so time, and comfort, are no longer a dilema, but you have just recieved the instructions from, 'Le Boss (Jeebus) and they want you to write all about why no one has discovered how to write the name BOB backwards, they want you to explain how it's done, minimium 60,000 words!, can you get it done, and How?

firefly

Feb25-04, 09:23 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So your boss just handed you "The" Primo assignment, Book deal, the whole nine yards, two years to write it, lotsa up front signing bonu$, so time, and comfort, are no longer a dilema, but you have just recieved the instructions from, 'Le Boss (Jeebus) and they want you to write all about why no one has discovered how to write the name BOB backwards, they want you to explain how it's done, minimium 60,000 words!, can you get it done, and How? No problem, pure plagiarism... from the SubSITE (www.subgenius.com),
Official Website of The Church of the SubGenius™ [6)]

So, as you BOB for your Bone-us, how do you re-emerge once your world sways with Slack SubGenius ways?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb26-04, 02:36 PM

Originally posted by firefly
So, as you BOB for your Bone-us, how do you re-emerge once your world sways with Slack SubGenius ways? You very carefully take a Bite of "The Apple of your eye..."...(but gently, you don't want to hurt anyone) then following the rule of BOB, you move to BOB, to find BOB'ed'ness, in BOB's (Nirvana) Zone, then after you have exaulted your Bob'ed'nees, you relax with the one you, well, like being around!

Given that your Bone-Us, wasn't, how do you go about removing the crocodile, that is fighting the Alligator, (in the smell of that darn Dog's Flatulance) in your igloo?

firefly

Feb27-04, 04:45 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Given that your Bone-Us, wasn't, how do you go about removing the crocodile, that is fighting the Alligator, (in the smell of that darn Dog's Flatulance) in your igloo? In view of the circumstances, I'd let the dog back in. I think both reptiles might realize the source of the scent, and mistake the emergent temperature difference as a path to the tropics ... at which point I'd kick the dog out again and both reptiles would follow, only to continue fighting: over the dog. (No worries about the dog, he's too smart to stick around for the duel.)

Now that your igloo has a nice stratum of cold air as a carpet, and stinkier and warmer strata above, and you are stuck within (for without, rapacious animals are at large), without even the company of a dog or a nice spiky ravenous reptile which might make short work of your fears (and your life), how do you go about making life worth living again?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb27-04, 06:25 AM

Originally posted by firefly
Now that your igloo has a nice stratum of cold air as a carpet, and stinkier and warmer strata above, and you are stuck within (for without, rapacious animals are at large), without even the company of a dog or a nice spiky ravenous reptile which might make short work of your fears (and your life), how do you go about making life worth living again? Well, I'd start by Dreaming, then working, to make my Dreams come true, then living the Dream life, then exit, to Nirvana.....WhoooWho!

Woowho?

firefly

Feb27-04, 07:04 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons: Woowho? This is entirely your choice, know who-one can determine the best choice for you... it really depends on...

Who are you? who, who? who, who?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb27-04, 07:15 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Who are you? who, who? who, who? Well, if I find the person who knows 'who' knows "who", I'll be certain to tell them to tell you, too!

When you look up, why is it that you don't see the top of your head?

firefly

Feb27-04, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When you look up, why is it that you don't see the top of your head? Are you quite sure that I don't?

Why is the top of my head of such interest? Perhaps the location of the frontal cortex, or the temporal lobes, or be there some interest in my relative motor control I know not, but the rest of me fails to see what relevance it's got!

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb27-04, 07:28 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Why is the top of my head of such interest? Perhaps the location of the frontal cortex, or the temporal lobes, or be there some interest in my relative motor control I know not, but the rest of me fails see see what relevance it's got! Ahhhh that is because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you cannot see that....but I can(?)...

If you run around, how long will it take?

firefly

Feb27-04, 09:12 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If you run around, how long will it take? As long as it takes for you to ex-see-d your pay shuns, but then again i've never had particularly fiscal tendonsee(s)?

If all tendons are connected to something, then how do you describe people with tendon-Sees, tendon-Cigarettes, and tendon-allsorts of other things (just ask Hypnagogue... not to say, follow the implied example, just for argument's sake)?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Feb28-04, 08:29 PM

Originally posted by firefly
If all tendons are connected to something, then how do you describe people with tendon-Sees, tendon-Cigarettes, and tendon-allsorts of other things (just ask Hypnagogue... not to say, follow the implied example, just for argument's sake)? People who 'tend', tend to be tender, and tending of that which is 'tended', hence we can know that all tended tenders are tender, and tenderly tending to be tended to, by other tenders, but only by submission, by mail, is it tended, to be tended, as a tender, tenderer....

When you speak so of 'joints', are you really just trying to elbow me out, or is it 'plastered' that you wanted me to be, cause 'welding' generates "smoke", and weeze all know just what youse doin, if you smoking a joint?

zoobyshoe

Mar5-04, 03:15 AM

Originally posted by a disjointed Mr. Robin Parsons
When you speak so of 'joints', are you really just trying to elbow me out, or is it 'plastered' that you wanted me to be, cause 'welding' generates "smoke", and weeze all know just what youse doin, if you smoking a joint?

This reminds me of the time I was collecting funds at a corner for the disabled veterans of the battle of Gypsum Wells, California, USA, which was an armed skirmish that took place between two rival street gangs over a bag of what they used to refer to as "Gypsum Whee-ze" because it made you go "Wheeeeee!" and also wheeze. Anyway Sam "plaster-man" Walker, welder at the gypsum factory, got shot in the elbow during the fight, and was relegated to wearing a cast made of the towns own chief export, which broke the run of good luck that had lasted since the towns inception, during which no worker at the plant had ever had to wear a cast.

What was I going to do with the money I collected?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar6-04, 08:28 AM

Originally posted by a spendythrifty zoobyshoey
What was I going to do with the money I collected? Pitch in another $1.75 and go buy yourself a coffee!

Why is it that, while thinking a thought, you don't know what the next thought, is, even though that thought arises from within your own brain??

zoobyshoe

Mar6-04, 02:07 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that, while thinking a thought, you don't know what the next thought, is, even though that thought arises from within your own brain??
I'm thinking, but I don't know what my thoughts about that will end up being.

If I accidently take my car to the post office to be repaired am I then require to bring my mail to a garage to post in order to maintain balance in the universe?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar7-04, 09:33 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If I accidently take my car to the post office to be repaired am I then require to bring my mail to a garage to post in order to maintain balance in the universe? Yes, so long as the people at the post office fix your car, (Truck) and the people at the garage agree to mail your mail for you, then the balance will hold, BUT should it be that the posties 'mech' and the mech's won't 'post', well, come back here, 'post' to tell us, so's we can's arrange a Universal rebalancing Ritual that will set "all things" straighter then straight!!

While posting my 'mechanical' I was struck by a wrenching thought, that was posted on the fence post of the garage, right across from the post office, and it asked me...what?

firefly

Mar7-04, 09:08 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While posting my 'mechanical' I was struck by a wrenching thought, that was posted on the fence post of the garage, right across from the post office, and it asked me...what? It asked what good was it doing you being straight, when the thought, clearly wrenched into some other form could not possibly have been thus and so influenced by societal disshevelings.

Are you a direct Internet Service Provider for Parsons Vodka (Doooooon't make me go get the italic stuff i'm not up for it right now!) or, can you provide a list of retailers? or even tailers. heck, I could even use a tailor since I've dropped two sizes and there's no tail left on me, and I just can't make heads or tails of anything any more.... (there was a question in there somewhere. the free spirited sort I believe.)

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 08:43 AM

Originally posted by firefly
Are you a direct Internet Service Provider for Parsons Vodka (Doooooon't make me go get the italic stuff i'm not up for it right now!) or, can you provide a list of retailers? or even tailers. heck, I could even use a tailor since I've dropped two sizes and there's no tail left on me, and I just can't make heads or tails of anything any more.... (there was a question in there somewhere. the free spirited sort I believe.)
Gather round! Gather round, good people, and see, just have a gander at what demon vodka has done to poor ƒireƒly!!!! She cain't italicize no more!! Ya see? She cain't fit into her clothes no more, ya see??? She is so gripped by the claws of demon vodka that she cain't even make heads or tails of nothing no more!!!!!!. Don't let this happen to you, brothers and sisters. Don't let yerselves become the victim of demon vodka, don't let yerselves be a slave to patater mash, nor spud squeezin's as sister ƒireƒly has done. Join me, one and all, in a prayer for her sorry, skinny, un-italisized, headless, tailess soul!!!

What's the best way to react if you spot a chicken crawling on all fours across the road to get to the other side but the traffic is too heavy for it to ever make it?

firefly

Mar8-04, 08:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you spot a chicken crawling on all fours across the road to get to the other side but the traffic is too heavy for it to ever make it? Go get a pot, a scraper and a spoon, some potatoes, celery, onions, and fresh Ahhhh say FRESH ginger root, wait till the chicken's attempt is lethally thwarted by passing vehicles, and go scrape yourself up some chicken soup base... don't forget the bones. Them's the best part.

Do you think a genetically modified (4 legged) chicken will make your cold go away faster, or just get you run over instead of run down?

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 09:16 AM

Originally posted by firefly
Do you think a genetically modified (4 legged) chicken will make your cold go away faster, or just get you run over instead of run down?
I wouldn't venture to find out since the best thing to do with a four legged chicken would not be to make soup but to trade it to the gray space aliens for a guarrantee of lifetime towing service.

If you were crawling on all fours, all tangled up in your loose and slipping clothing, tripping over four legged chickens, not an italic to your name, and clutching your bottle of Parson's™ Sparkling Aged Vodka, white knuckled, as if it were gold, not knowing your head from your tail, how would you unscrew the jar of olives?

firefly

Mar8-04, 09:26 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If you were crawling on all fours, all tangled up in your loose and slipping clothing, tripping over four legged chickens, not an italic to your name, and clutching your bottle of Parson's™ Sparkling Aged Vodka, white knuckled, as if it were gold, not knowing your head from your tail, how would you unscrew the jar of olives? If I were crawling around on all fours, it would be for other reasons... say, searching for a miniscule object dropped on the floor. So I am not qualified to say.

Just how many four-legged chickens have you been eating, Honorable, Mr. Alien? (I don't think they agree with you.)

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 09:40 AM

Originally posted by firefly
Just how many four-legged chickens have you been eating, Honorable, Mr. Alien? (I don't think they agree with you.)
Chicken, four or two-legged, never agree to be eaten. I have therefore, never eaten a chicken that really agreed with me.

Given the recent scourge of leprechaun mischief in Sicily, with their starting fires in electrical devices and blowing up wedding presents, and also since March is Irish history month, and that month in which we celebrate St. Patricks Day, perhaps you could enlighten us on the Italian word for Leprechaun?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar8-04, 09:54 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Given the recent scourge of leprechaun mischief in Sicily, with their starting fires in electrical devices and blowing up wedding presents, and also since March is Irish history month, and that month in which we celebrate St. Patricks Day, perhaps you could enlighten us on the Italian word for Leprechaun? Uses "Phone a Friend" option, guido answers, no he won't tell, says it isn't fit for public broadcast....hummmmm wait, now he wants the name adress and phone for the person asking the question cause he wants to...oooOOOOOPS! **hangs up the phone**...real fast!

So got to see a Female Uterus on Oprah the other, well...month? and it looked exactly like a chicken, with no neck, instantly it hit me that this was the resolution to the age old dilema of what came first the chicken or the egg as it was now abundantly clear that the egg had arrived INSIDE the Chicken!!!!!...so, given this is it now really, really, really, really, really, really, really clear that, MRP is the only person!, in the entirety!, of the History!, of the Universe!, who can solve all of The Riddles of The Ages????

EDIT or is it just The Irish in'em ?

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 10:03 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...so, given this is it now really, really, really, really, really, really, really clear that, MRP is the only person!, in the entirety!, of the History!, of the Universe!, who can solve all of The Riddles of The Ages????
This is the clincher, yes. However I want it on record I already knew he was, and had complete faith in his omniscience before this riddle was solved.

Incidently, what is the answer to the age old Leprechaun riddle concerning the cart full of 20 sacks of potatos, 3 mules, the river with three bridges, the drunken cart driver, the blarney stone and the O'Tooles' new sheep dog?

selfAdjoint

Mar8-04, 10:13 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
This is the clincher, yes. However I want it on record I already knew he was, and had complete faith in his omniscience before this riddle was solved.

Incidently, what is the answer to the age old Leprechaun riddle concerning the cart full of 20 sacks of potatos, 3 mules, the river with three bridges, the drunken cart driver, the blarney stone and the O'Tooles' new sheep dog?

Take the goose first.

Why did the wolf and the goat cross the river?

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 10:19 AM

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
Why did the wolf and the goat cross the river?
The goat was a tiger in rabbits clothing wearing a goat costume for a masquerade ball, the wolf was a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. However, they both happened to enjoy a good swim whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Incidently what is the answer to that age old Japanese koan:" Who's on first?"

firefly

Mar8-04, 06:07 PM

Incidently what is the answer to that age old Japanese koan:" Who's on first?" [/B] Hu san first koaned the term "Misochiwo" and gave it to his firstborn child.

Is Misochiwo san girl or boy?

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 06:43 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Is Misochiwo san girl or boy?
Legume. A real human bean.

Anata wa, nihongo hanasitaka?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar8-04, 08:29 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Anata wa, nihongo hanasitaka? Ya! Sure! but when I turned the key, the wheels fell off, so I walked home...

While walking home, I saw 'that' guy, you know who 'that' is, don't you?

zoobyshoe

Mar8-04, 11:00 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
While walking home, I saw 'that' guy, you know who 'that' is, don't you?
`that'?
Well I know who "that" is, but I don't know who `that' is.

Incidently what is the answer to that age old pre-Columbian riddle about the Aztec, the Maya and the Anazazi who go into a bar?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar9-04, 06:16 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Incidently what is the answer to that age old pre-Columbian riddle about the Aztec, the Maya and the Anazazi who go into a bar? The answer?... "He ran off, with the sacrifice" but it seems, just a little, out of 'context' when you don't tell the rest...

Can you stop a thought, before you think it?

zoobyshoe

Mar10-04, 06:28 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Can you stop a thought, before you think it?
Only those who have mastered the art of starting a thought before they think it, can stop it before they think it.

Once when I was bored I found myself in possession of a waffle iron, a measuring tape, and a piece of rope, and proeeded to amuse myself by hoaxing crop waffles. What is the meaning of the word "Scripple"?

firefly

Mar10-04, 07:15 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Once when I was bored I found myself in possession of a waffle iron, a measuring tape, and a piece of rope, and proeeded to amuse myself by hoaxing crop waffles. What is the meaning of the word "Scripple"?

Scripple v.i. to scribble upside down with sufficient pressure as to damage the writing utensil.

How do you scrapple an apple, and is a game board involved?

zoobyshoe

Mar10-04, 07:46 AM

Originally posted by firefly
How do you scrapple an apple, and is a game board involved?
Scrappling an apple is easy. It's unscrappling it when you're done that's hard.

Since the gray space alien union of hazardous asteroid retrieval and disposal is on strike a greater number of them than usual has been going door to door asking for handouts. What did you donate when they came to you?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar10-04, 01:47 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Since the gray space alien union of hazardous asteroid retrieval and disposal is on strike a greater number of them than usual has been going door to door asking for handouts. What did you donate when they came to you? Fuel, and a Gene ration.

How was that fuel extracted, from within me?

zoobyshoe

Mar11-04, 03:09 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How was that fuel extracted, from within me?
You will have amnesia for the actual extraction process, of course, but what they did was to grab you, one by each arm, and shake you like a rag doll till they had accumulated a large pile of dander beneath you, which they simply vaccuumed up to be taken for energy conversion in one of their many exceptionally efficient quantum transduction modules. (Incidently they will also have taken any incipient furballs you had in the works, but that process shouldn't be discussed in an open forum.)

Recently, during a period of boredom, I taught myself to delete huge lists of useless things from my memory using Messiah's® Patented Recall Squelch techniques.

I discovered to my horror, however, that instead of freeing up memory storage space, my storage is more cluttered than ever with huge lists of useless things I am required to remember to forget. What is the meaning of the word: "frimbalism"?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar11-04, 06:20 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently, during a period of boredom, I taught myself to delete huge lists of useless things from my memory using Messiah's® Patented Recall Squelch techniques.
I discovered to my horror, however, that instead of freeing up memory storage space, my storage is more cluttered than ever with huge lists of useless things I am required to remember to forget. What is the meaning of the word: "frimbalism"? It is a term for people who are trying to forget what they forgot they can remember, as in "Frimbalist" (what you are) "Frimbalistically" (what you are doing) "Frimbalizer" (you, as you are doing it) and the many extra interogeratons of the expressive "Frimballing" (an original derivation, is available from that word, but not publically...)

So while noticing a person 'Frimbalizing' on a street corner, the other day, I stopped and asked the corner lamppost for the direction back to Oz, it responded that lamppost's coundn't talk, Oz was no where near this place, and why the heck was I disturbing it's nap, to which, I excused myself, upon the basis of the 'frimabalizer' 'frimbalizing' upon that very same corner, but the lamppost called the police, I was arrested, and charged....with what?

zoobyshoe

Mar11-04, 12:51 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So while noticing a person 'Frimbalizing' on a street corner, the other day, I stopped and asked the corner lamppost for the direction back to Oz, it responded that lamppost's coundn't talk, Oz was no where near this place, and why the heck was I disturbing it's nap, to which, I excused myself, upon the basis of the 'frimabalizer' 'frimbalizing' upon that very same corner, but the lamppost called the police, I was arrested, and charged....with what?
Unlawful interrogation of a lighting fixture in a public fareway, §30077-657744484-12443. subsection G article 47b10000767.Complicated by the presence of a frimbalist,§567774899-2333551443-12443, same subsection. Maximun penalty: 36 months "soft" incarceration at Ontario Institute of Minor Corrections, minimun penalty: 12 weeks probabtion with curfew at dusk to prevent interaction with any public lighting fixtures while in operation.

Recently I forgot to remember my experiences with Messiah's® Patented Memory Squelch Technique, took the course a second time, and precipitated a chaoic reversal such that I now remember everything that ever happened to me in excruciating detail, as well as huge volumes of experiences that never happened to me or anyone. How do I tell the difference between the authentic memories and the counterfeit?

Jeebuz

Mar11-04, 05:44 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe

Recently I forgot to remember my experiences with Messiah's® Patented Memory Squelch Technique, took the course a second time, and precipitated a chaoic reversal such that I now remember everything that ever happened to me in excruciating detail, as well as huge volumes of experiences that never happened to me or anyone. How do I tell the difference between the authentic memories and the counterfeit?

If you're having sex in the memory, it is a fake.

If I were to invent a teleportation device and attempted to teleport myself to the moon (because the moon is neat), would my pants come with, or would they be left on Earth? If my pants were left behind, would the moon-people be offended by my lack of pants?

zoobyshoe

Mar11-04, 11:21 PM

Originally posted by Jeebuz
If I were to invent a teleportation device and attempted to teleport myself to the moon (because the moon is neat), would my pants come with, or would they be left on Earth? If my pants were left behind, would the moon-people be offended by my lack of pants? The moon people will moon you with or without pants.

Recently when I was floating on my back in the Thames with a photograph of Chester Carlson, inventor of xerography, proped up on my chest, facing me so I could monitor his duplicitous intentions, a warped and swollen scrabble tile with either the letter M or W came floating by and I thought to myself: "So that's where it went." What does a sranambulist do for a living?

Jeebuz

Mar12-04, 12:02 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently when I was floating on my back in the Thames with a photograph of Chester Carlson, inventor of xerography, proped up on my chest, facing me so I could monitor his duplicitous intentions, a warped and swollen scrabble tile with either the letter M or W came floating by and I thought to myself: "So that's where it went." What does a sranambulist do for a living?

They sleepwalk, of course. Oh wait, that's a somnambulist.
I think they scream profanities at inanimate objects, or maybe they play the xylophone, I don't know but I know for sure that they don't wear capes.

If Jesus was truly the Messiah and Saviour of Man, then where the hell's my ice cream!?

zoobyshoe

Mar12-04, 03:01 AM

Originally posted by Jeebuz
If Jesus was truly the Messiah and Saviour of Man, then where the hell's my ice cream!?
Now isn't that special?

Often when I'm at the seashore I find old pirate chests full of jewels and Spanish coins. Sometimes I find old pirate peg legs. Sometimes I find old pirate hooks. Once I found an old pirate parrot. Once I found an old pirate. Why don't I ever find any new pirate stuff?

Jeebuz

Mar12-04, 01:57 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Often when I'm at the seashore I find old pirate chests full of jewels and Spanish coins. Sometimes I find old pirate peg legs. Sometimes I find old pirate hooks. Once I found an old pirate parrot. Once I found an old pirate. Why don't I ever find any new pirate stuff?

Easy, because the pirates were wiped out in the Great Ninja-Pirate Wars of the 18th Century.

If Microsoft adopted a penguin as its mascot, would Linux be upset and if so, what could those light-weights do about it, huh, B*TCH!?

firefly

Mar12-04, 02:17 PM

Originally posted by Jeebuz Easy, because the pirates were wiped out in the Great Ninja-Pirate Wars of the 18th Century.Ohhhhhhhhhh....... wow. and there was me (and probably zooby too, thinkin' there were pirates (other than software) sailin' the seas..... TODAY!If Microsoft adopted a penguin as its mascot, would Linux be upset and if so, what could those light-weights do about it, huh, B*TCH!? Microsoft has other problems to worry about nowadays... as in, its source code has involuntarily joined the Linux ranks.... as for who would be upset, considering Linux is freeware, under the GNU license, and the distributions... oh but this is a game thread, let us not........, shall we, i say we ship outta this dialectic much like pirates... do you pirate software, ever? MS-anything... oh, but I should shut up, I run XP [;)] poor me, stuck with running virus updates ASAP!

Does Linux ever remind you of a sanitary pad ad? ...considering it's named after Linus! (where I live there's a sanitary pad named Lines... heh!) well?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar12-04, 02:19 PM

Originally posted by Jeebuz
If Microsoft adopted a penguin as its mascot, would Linux be upset and if so, what could those light-weights do about it, huh, B*TCH!? Well, upset? or? legally empowered! well...bringing in the "Female Dogs" isn't really going to help, but some of those very pretty (and intelligent) Female Attorneys might just do the trick to rectify the attempt at absconding the Competitions flag...

In taking the Competitions flag, is it required that you bring your own pole?

(run that quetion up the Flap pole! and salute it! will Ya..!!)

firefly

Mar12-04, 02:25 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Well, upset? or? legally empowered! well...bringing in the "Female Dogs" isn't really going to help, but some of those very pretty (and intelligent) Female Attorneys might just do the trick to rectify the attempt at absconding the Competitions flag...mmmm... so according to you, Mr.... Parsons... but wait.... I can't Prime Minister you ... your in-fluence is limited! All the same you seem to be barking up the same (female) tree (pole?) as i.... In taking the Competitions flag, is it required that you bring your own pole?(run that quetion up the Flap pole! and salute it! will Ya..!!) What do you do if you don't have a Flap whose pole you can run it up? Yeah, so the format fits another thread but two fer one is ok with me [:)])

zoobyshoe

Mar12-04, 02:53 PM

Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you don't have a Flap whose pole you can run it up?
It's funny you should ask that question because, once, when I was stretch out half dead like a woodchuck who'd just been introduced to a Peterbuilt truck the hard way, on the floor of a cardboard and blanket structure that a Polish aviator of my acquaintence used to frequent when he'd forgotten his address, he was regaling me with stories of his near misses with flocks of pelicans and other aircraft, frequently using the phrase: "So there I was, without a flap whose pole I could run it up, when..." and so on. I thought it was an obtuse turn of speach.

What do you do if there seems to be a speck of titanium dioxide in the eye of a polish aviator of your acquaintence but when you mention it he says" No, Titanium dioxide is in the eye of the beholder." ?

firefly

Mar12-04, 02:59 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if there seems to be a speck of titanium dioxide in the eye of a polish aviator of your acquaintence but when you mention it he says" No, Titanium dioxide is in the eye of the beholder." ? Why, ton't ya know? Paint it black!

What do you do if that Polish Aviator of yours turns out to be an apple turnover, or an abble turnover, or perhaps an able turner over of pelican engines?

zoobyshoe

Mar12-04, 03:21 PM

Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if that Polish Aviator of yours turns out to be an apple turnover, or an abble turnover, or perhaps an able turner over of pelican engines?
It's funny you should ask those quetions because he confessed to me once: "I should have been a pair of pastry halves enclosing a blob of wormy crabapple goo, being carried in the claws of a pelican, across the floor of silent seas." To which I responded "Sounds vaguely familiar." To which he replied,"Yes, I mentioned it just last night."

Do fools flush gin, where angels: beer instead?

firefly

Mar12-04, 03:28 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Do fools flush gin, where angels: beer instead? No, fools flush angels, for the latter cannot bear the former, while angels flush gin: monochromatic hand is not just a poker feature.

Do angels a-pair only in black and white, or do they "come in color" since More Hot Rocks?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar12-04, 09:24 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Do angels a-pair only in black and white, or do they "come in color" since More Hot Rocks? Well flap my pole, I'll run that one up the point, and see if we can find one!

Well, while drinking, should one continue to breath...or just pole flap?

kuengb

Mar13-04, 12:44 PM

No, you can't even do this, since the hole you brath with is closed while the drink-hole is open.

What if heaven was a half pipe and God was a DJ?

motai

Mar13-04, 04:49 PM

Originally posted by kuengb
No, you can't even do this, since the hole you brath with is closed while the drink-hole is open.

What if heaven was a half pipe and God was a DJ?

Who would want to go to a half pipe heaven? People wouldnt be getting their monies worth unless the pipe was a whole pipe so they can stick it in their pipes and smoke it. Now incoming... God Rap *divine turntable screech*

How many feet are in a gallon?

firefly

Mar13-04, 06:46 PM

Originally posted by motai
How many feet are in a gallon? Depends how wide the container is and how many gals have been hired to mash the grapes. That said I do believe they now use mechanical mashers, which quite defeats the purpose of my answering thus, but this will have to do.

Why are antacid tablets (Tums) flavoured with citric acid?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar13-04, 08:16 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Why are antacid tablets (Tums) flavoured with citric acid? Rumor has it, for ascorbic reasons....but maybe they just want it to taste like an orange...

Why would they want an antacid to taste like the drink that gave your the indigestion in the first place?

motai

Mar13-04, 09:17 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Rumor has it, for ascorbic reasons....but maybe they just want it to taste like an orange...

Why would they want an antacid to taste like the drink that gave your the indigestion in the first place?

Its part of their evil scheme to dominate and take over the world. First get the people sick through their "remedy" then knock them out cold with a large blunt object.

Why in the movies do the evil characters always get defeated? I really wanted Dr. Evil to take over the world!

zoobyshoe

Mar14-04, 12:22 AM

Originally posted by motai
Why in the movies do the evil characters always get defeated? I really wanted Dr. Evil to take over the world!
It's funny you should ask that quetion because, once, when I was in a bar in tokyo I noticed Godzilla sitting by himself at a table at the back of the place in the shadows with about ten empty shot glasses in front of him, an ash tray full of cigarette butts, and a rolled up hundred dollar bill next to a powdery mirror, and I thought to myself:"No wonder he never wins."

If I recall correctly there used to be a man on the street corner at 5th and Main who pretended to sell hot dogs and polish sausage but who in fact could procure just about anything you could think of for the right price. I recently found myself in need of a human costume in order to perpetrate a human sighting hoax on my fellow zoobies but discovered these are hard to come by. Has anyone seen that hot dog vendor recently?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar14-04, 07:31 AM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If I recall correctly there used to be a man on the street corner at 5th and Main who pretended to sell hot dogs and polish sausage but who in fact could procure just about anything you could think of for the right price. I recently found myself in need of a human costume in order to perpetrate a human sighting hoax on my fellow zoobies but discovered these are hard to come by. Has anyone seen that hot dog vendor recently? Yup...yesterday....

While out strolling, down/up 'Princess' street, I saw a "Hot Dog" vendor...how much is this ad worth?

kuengb

Mar14-04, 10:15 AM

Its worth cannot be counted in dollars and cents (or euros and eurocents), but look how much pleasure and happiness and money it brings to the world and you will know the answer.

Why is toothpaste always delivered in tubes and never in, say, glasses like marmalade? It would be recycl-able and if you got too much paste on your brush, you could easily put it back, eh?

zoobyshoe

Mar14-04, 09:26 PM

Originally posted by kuengb
Why is toothpaste always delivered in tubes and never in, say, glasses like marmalade? It would be recycl-able and if you got too much paste on your brush, you could easily put it back, eh?
I don't know why this is, because there is certainly no more appetizing thought than to scoop up a glob of toothpaste that someone else has wiped off their toothbrush.

Recently while I was examining a priceless old vase at the museum of antiquities, a flock of chickadees swarmed into the gallery and began swirling around the vase, which jarred it such that it began to teeter precariously on the verge on tipping over. I threw myself around it, preventing it from falling, but found that the chickadees were pecking visciously at my person. What do you do when you're caught between a flock and a jarred vase?

firefly

Mar14-04, 09:53 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Recently while I was examining a priceless old vase at the museum of antiquities, a flock of chickadees swarmed into the gallery and began swirling around the vase, which jarred it such that it began to teeter precariously on the verge on tipping over. I threw myself around it, preventing it from falling, but found that the chickadees were pecking visciously at my person. What do you do when you're caught between a flock and a jarred vase? Fly in the vase of voracity and jam what was once a-jar.

How do you jam toothpaste into a crock of marmalade which was sealed air-tight by a layer of pre-chewed Chicklets?

zoobyshoe

Mar14-04, 10:07 PM

Originally posted by firefly
How do you jam toothpaste into a crock of marmalade which was sealed air-tight by a layer of pre-chewed Chicklets?
This is a trick quetion because this is only something a bee or a wasp would do, not a firefly, which isn't equiped with the dentition to handle chicklets.

When I was in London, last year, the runners of the 25th annual Shakespearian 20K marathon pinned me up againt Big Ben for ten minutes while they huffed past. What do you do when you are caught between a clock and a bard race?

firefly

Mar14-04, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When I was in London, last year, the runners of the 25th annual Shakespearian 20K marathon pinned me up againt Big Ben for ten minutes while they huffed past. What do you do when you are caught between a clock and a bard race? This is a trick quetion because a Zooby has yet to be caught... anywhere.

If you fly in the face of fire will you alight on the wings of a dove?

zoobyshoe

Mar14-04, 10:23 PM

Originally posted by firefly
If you fly in the face of fire will you alight on the wings of a dove?
Sure. Why not?

Since questions are a symptom of ignorance is there any such thing as a smart question?

firefly

Mar14-04, 10:27 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Since questions are a symptom of ignorance is there any such thing as a smart question? Sure, ignorance smarts, sooner or later.

If ignorance is bliss, then is attention hit-and-miss?

kuengb

Mar15-04, 04:36 AM

This is a smart question.

Last year, when I was just about to finish the 25th annual Shakespearian 20K marathon I saw someone (believe it or not) pinned up against Big Ben, must've been for about ten minutes or so. Anyway, I completely forgot to run. What do you do in such a situation if you don't have a camera with you?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar15-04, 06:55 AM

Originally posted by kuengb
Last year, when I was just about to finish the 25th annual Shakespearian 20K marathon I saw someone (believe it or not) pinned up against Big Ben, must've been for about ten minutes or so. Anyway, I completely forgot to run. What do you do in such a situation if you don't have a camera with you? Just remember that person as per their inabiltiy to spell "against" Thusly you will be able to find said "Pressed against time" person, without fail...

As Originally mispelt by one ZOOBYSHOE!(SNIP)
Shakespearian 20K marathon pinned me up againt Big Ben for ten (SNoP)

Is being held against the Clockface of Big Ben by a hoarding flock of voracious Titmouse Chickadee's really just being "Pressed for time"???

kuengb

Mar15-04, 07:46 AM

Since I'm not familiar with this English idiomatic expression I don't know a proper response.

What, my dear friend, is the difference between left and right?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar15-04, 09:18 AM

Originally posted by kuengb
What, my dear friend, is the difference between left and right? Their respective viewpoint of the Center...

How is it that being "unfamiliar with, well, English" somehow allows you to preclude the quetions of others, especailly when all of the quetions are written in, well, it is english, isn't it?

kuengb

Mar15-04, 10:47 AM

It is a right that is unequivocly given to me in the preface to the "Oxford Dictionarry of Distinguishèd and Aristocratic English".

When we pair a black and a white sheep, what will we get?

motai

Mar15-04, 11:03 AM

A Grayish-Brown sheep!

Do you think the original person with a rocket in his pocket is dead by now because it might have accidently went off?

firefly

Mar15-04, 06:27 PM

Originally posted by motai
Do you think the original person with a rocket in his pocket is dead by now because it might have accidently went off? Unlikely - if his pocket rocket went off I think it would have been anything but accidental.

Does a pocketful of posies imply explosive originality?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar15-04, 07:21 PM

Originally posted by firefly
Does a pocketful of posies imply explosive originality? Yes but apparently it leaves a "Ring around the Rosie"...

Is a "Ring Around the Rosie" the same as a "Ring around the Porcelain Bowl"??

zoobyshoe

Mar16-04, 06:51 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Is a "Ring Around the Rosie" the same as a "Ring around the Porcelain Bowl"??
I could tell you, but I don't trust you to use the information wisely.

Recently I had the misfortune, while mowing the lawn, of discovering to my horror, that I had run over a leprechaun. This seemed like a bad thing under any circumstances but what with St. Patrick's Day being so near it seemed like some particularly bad piece of luck. I put the remains in a shoebox and mailed it to St. Patrick's Cathedral, NYC, USA, in the hope they would know what to do with it. I didn't include a cover letter, and now I'm worried that they are going to mistake it for the corpse of a very short Amish gentleman - same beard and all. Anyway, the incident got me thinking: I have never seen a picture of a female leprechaun. How do they reproduce?

kuengb

Mar16-04, 12:44 PM

Photosynthesis.

Why don't let we let cows, sheep, chicken etc. live in freedom and instead breed game on our farms? I mean, let's face it, a lazy ruminating cow is a much lighter target for a hunter than, say, a stag or even a quick little rabbit. That would be a timesaver wouldn't it?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar16-04, 08:31 PM

Originally posted by kuengb
Why don't let we let cows, sheep, chicken etc. live in freedom and instead breed game on our farms? I mean, let's face it, a lazy ruminating cow is a much lighter target for a hunter than, say, a stag or even a quick little rabbit. That would be a timesaver wouldn't it? Because there is "No Challenge" in shooting a cow, from thirty paces, much more of a challenge to face a Raging Buck in rut, from 100 yards, with your scope, and laser sighting, and protective gear, and dogs, and live backup support via internet, and all the rest....

Why do people read all of this thread, then post quetions that are not following the spirit of the thread? (like this one?)

firefly

Mar17-04, 02:18 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why do people read all of this thread, then post quetions that are not following the spirit of the thread? (like this one?) Sounds like Fawlty Premises to me. Doubtful people read all of this thread, so they'd not have the ghost of a chance of following its spirit.

As I was pondering the anser to your free-spirited quetion, it occurred to me that there was an odd recursion about it such that, were one not careful, the line of reasoning brought about by such pondering could spiral into a dangerous vortex, rendering the stream of consciousness comparable to a class 5 rapids. Having caught this dangerous train of thought, and so trapped in the simple but savage mathematical machinations of your Whirlpool, however did I manage to reach the end of the line, and pose a new quetion?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar17-04, 06:35 PM

Originally posted by firefly
As I was pondering the anser to your free-spirited quetion, it occurred to me that there was an odd recursion about it such that, were one not careful, the line of reasoning brought about by such pondering could spiral into a dangerous vortex, rendering the stream of consciousness comparable to a class 5 rapids. Having caught this dangerous train of thought, and so trapped in the simple but savage mathematical machinations of your Whirlpool, however did I manage to reach the end of the line, and pose a new quetion? From a similar vantage point one would see the same thing, so NO...or maybe Yes...don't know, kinda, perhaps, sorta, maybe, it could be possible that perhaps a chance of it to be thought of as thunked out thoughts of the potential possibilities of a responce...

If beauty is in the eye of the Be-holder, does it help that the "Be" Holder' is also beautiful on the outside?

zoobyshoe

Mar17-04, 09:56 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If beauty is in the eye of the Be-holder, does it help that the "Be" Holder' is also beautiful on the outside?
This quetion reminds me of an amusing anecdote concerning a beautiful bee keeper who once tried to hold a bee. She wanted to put lipstick and a French maid's costume on the bee, so it would be beautiful to behold, but the bee balked and bit her butt. Anyone with half a mind can see the moral of the story. Those with a whole mind, though, will remain baffled.

March 17th. Paddy walks into an Italian bar and announces that, in honor of the holiday he'll buy a free bottle for any man present who'll admit that Ireland is the greatest nation on earth. A Roman, a Sicilian, and a Corsican at a table imediately jump up and cry: "Ireland is the greatest nation on the face of the earth!"
Paddy is amazed. He is a man of honor, though, and he orders three bottles of their favorite grappa to be brought to them. Curiosity gets the better of him and he ambles over to the table and asks: "How is it you're so willing to put your country's honor second to a bottle of booze?" The Sicilian slowly removes his mask revealing that he is, in fact, a gray space alien, and replies:"ç&9((^ #@ç®® †¥ƒ¼5••²¢ º¬ð¸œ¢4$½½7!!!" When participating in St. Patrick's Day Leprechaun hunts, is it better to collect them in an old pillow case or do those cheap, plastic toy Leprechaun collecting baskets they make for kids really suffice?

Math Is Hard

Mar20-04, 12:48 PM

When participating in St. Patrick's Day Leprechaun hunts, is it better to collect them in an old pillow case or do those cheap, plastic toy Leprechaun collecting baskets they make for kids really suffice?
Best not to do either since Leprechauns are now a protected species. Do you really want to get PETL after you?

Why doesn't cat food come in flavors like "savory mouse" and "hummingbird hash"?

firefly

Mar20-04, 06:37 PM

Originally posted by Math Is Hard
Why doesn't cat food come in flavors like "savory mouse" and "hummingbird hash"? That's quiet a mouseful of a quetion there... hummmm... I'm afraid I can't quite hash it out.

Why do hummingbirds, in the presence of sharp! pointy! teeth! turn on those reverse rockets full thrust but always seem to land beak deep in nectar, while whales, of noticeably greater size often land beached and therefore rather far from the deep, regardless of the presence of sharp pointy teeth such as might penetrate skin deep when playing with a mouse, unless it is attached to a computer?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Mar21-04, 09:07 AM

Originally posted by firefly
[Why do hummingbirds, in the presence of sharp! pointy! teeth! turn on those reverse rockets full thrust but always seem to land beak deep in nectar, while whales, of noticeably greater size often land beached and therefore rather far from the deep, regardless of the presence of sharp pointy teeth such as might penetrate skin deep when playing with a mouse, unless it is attached to a computer? Was biten by this amazingly sharp toothed quetion, that evoked a whale of a responce, as intiated by the mouse on the computer, activities that landed me beached in nectar, but only afflicted in a "skin depth" mannerisms....

So if you, like me, have a post on every single page of this thread, why is this one the last one?

zoobyshoe

Mar21-04, 04:07 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So if you, like me, have a post on every single page of this thread, why is this one the last one?
Well, you'll have to blame Maxwell's equations for that, or rather their integral and differential forms, because each final desinent metanoia into electric answer spawns its own magnetic get, outward forever into space. without stopage or stopple, or tampion. It's catechetical. This isn't the first last page there has been in this thread and it won't be the last last page.

If the teeth of the shark are pointy by virtue of their triangularity, and the teeth of the whale (such whales as have teeth) are pointy by virtue of tapering till there's nothing left, what geometry can account for the pointiness of the teeth of the hummingbird?

Imparcticle

Mar21-04, 07:07 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If the teeth of the shark are pointy by virtue of their triangularity, and the teeth of the whale (such whales as have teeth) are pointy by virtue of tapering till there's nothing left, what geometry can account for the pointiness of the teeth of the hummingbird? [/B]

The teeth of a hummingbird are pointy by virtue of their tendency to strain flowers of their nectar.
I hope these answers are supposed to not make sense.

If your mom's a dryer and your dad's a dishwasher, then what is the dog doing on top of the dog house while pigs don't fly?

LOL. I hope these questions aren't supposed to make sense either.[;)]

zoobyshoe

Mar21-04, 07:33 PM

Originally posted by SquareItSalamander
If your mom's a dryer and your dad's a dishwasher, then what is the dog doing on top of the dog house while pigs don't fly?
That dog would be performing the very important function of guarding against the acquisition of knowledge of flight by any porcine species since there are now so many thing that have been delegated to happen when pigs have wings that they cannot possibly be accomodated.

LOL. I hope these questions aren't supposed to make sense either.[;)]
Avoid incoherence. Try for surreal or fractured logic.

The recent news relates that several jellyfish dressed as ordinary citizens were arrested yesterday while attempting to break and enter a large, well known bank after hours, while on the other side of town several bank robbers dressed as jellyfish were arrested while trying to break and enter an aquarium. What accounts for this confusion among the criminal element, both pedestrian and aquatic?

Math Is Hard

Mar21-04, 11:15 PM

What accounts for this confusion among the criminal element, both pedestrian and aquatic?
That's the problem with these fishy news stories - the facts are always watered down, and anyone with half a brine, who knows their salt (about Jellyfish) can see right through them.

Which is more important: to anser a quetion, or quetion an anser?

zoobyshoe

Mar22-04, 09:44 AM

Originally posted by Math Is Hard
Which is more important: to anser a quetion, or quetion an anser?
A quetionable quetion. I quetion it.

But is quetioning the quetion really an anser?

olde drunk

Mar23-04, 03:09 PM

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A quetionable quetion. I quetion it.

But is quetioning the quetion really an anser?

if you do not have a quetion, is that san quetion?

zoobyshoe

Mar23-04, 04:08 PM

Originally posted by olde drunk
if you do not have a quetion, is that san quetion? It is completely irregular to anser a quetion with a quetion, and causes me no end of zoobonic confusion, since I don't know if the quetion has ansered and settled the matter or if you simply forgot a new quetion, or if you meant to combine anser & quetion. This is just the kind of fribbleous amphigory I'd expect from an elderly compotator.

If you have been incarcerated in San Quetion for violation of the anser - quetion format, what do you use to brew your own besotting beverages?

Tom Mattson

Apr15-04, 03:40 PM

Good grief, how did this thread slip to page 4?

If you have been incarcerated in San Quetion for violation of the anser - quetion format, what do you use to brew your own besotting beverages?

Anything but the bedpan!

How much further would this thread have slipped if I hadn't responded?

zoobyshoe

Apr15-04, 03:50 PM

How much further would this thread have slipped if I hadn't responded?
We'll never know because now you have interfered with our carefully devised and sensitive test of its coefficient of friction.

Now that that's all over with, is there any way to ever actually find out which falls faster in a vacuum: a stupid quetion or a "What do you do if..." quetion?

Ivan Seeking

Apr15-04, 04:05 PM

Both have the same acceleration: 7.1 X1010 furlongs per fortnights2

We all know the dangers of the Zoobyshoe, but exactly how dangerous is a Zoobysock?

zoobyshoe

Apr15-04, 04:28 PM

We all know the dangers of the Zoobyshoe, but exactly how dangerous is a Zoobysock?
Extremely dangerous: they cause the disappearance of washing machines and dryers!

Recently when I was working on a self portrait entitled Portrait of the Zoobie as as artist painting a self portrait of the zoobie as an artist painting a self portrait of the zoobie as an artists... I realized there had to be an end to it somewhere or I would never finish it and might accidently live forever. I thought it would be convenient to use c2 in there somewhere to determine a limit to the internal repetitions. Can anyone offer a useful formula?

Math Is Hard

Apr15-04, 06:30 PM

Can anyone offer a useful formula?

I believe the specific formula you are seeking is
me = e2 /c2
which will give you the exact number of "me"s in the iterative image you are creating of yourself.

What do you suppose will happen when we get to the 1000th stupid quetion?

Macgyver

Apr15-04, 08:43 PM

We throw a monster mash.

Do you choose cake or death?

zoobyshoe

Apr15-04, 09:24 PM

Do you choose cake or death?
It's funny you should ask that quetion, because once, when I was crawling on all fours toward the mother of all stupid quetions I spotted a Polish aviator of my acquaintance burying a cake, while a friend of his was frosting a corpse.

Recently when I was reading a 1905 paper entitled On the Electrodynamics of Nocturnally Roving Herds of Weird, Purple Jellyfish originally published in the Annalen die Marinebiologie by Alfred Einstein, I was startled to come across the following:

"Weird, purple jellyfish stings which are simultaneous with reference to the ocean are not simultaneous with respect to the aquarium, and vise versa (relativity of wierd, purple jellyfish sting simultaneity)."

Does this mean the speed of pain is the same for all who are stung in any inertial frame or is a statement of the time at which one was stung meaningless unless we are told which body of water the weird, purple jellyfish call their inertial reference frame?

Math Is Hard

Apr15-04, 11:51 PM

I am not sure this is the appropriate thread to bring up a concept as speculative as the Theory of Jellativity.

but since we're on the subject of theories, why is the speed of light symbol "c" instead of, say, "L" ?

Ivan Seeking

Apr15-04, 11:57 PM

zoobyshoe

Apr16-04, 12:04 AM

Wasn't Schrodinger really saying that a watched pot never boils?
What I glean from his experiments was strong evidence that he was really a dog person.

Since jellyfish have about 30 or 40 eyes, shouldn't we prefer their theories concerning the isotropy of light over those of two-eyed human physisists?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-04, 06:37 AM

Since jellyfish have about 30 or 40 eyes, shouldn't we prefer their theories concerning the isotropy of light over those of two-eyed human physisists?No because light is isotropic everywhere when all 40 eyes are working, but not when the number is reduced by a magnitude of order and the ambient light energy keeps the polish aviator from flying his zooby'shod boat to the other side of the mountain to release the fish back into the wild, so willy will be free!

Was I stupid, to stop being stupid, by asking stupidities? :tongue:

pS! BTW! I! GOT! #1000! YEAH! FOR! ME!!!!!?????!!!!!!

Chi Meson

Apr16-04, 11:54 AM

So to begin.... How long do you think it takes to reach a 1000 posts in this topic again?

One year, 30 days, 5 hours, 20 minutes

Edit: Oops, leap year. More specifically, 396 days, 5 hours, 20 minutes

zoobyshoe

Apr16-04, 06:44 PM

Was I stupid, to stop being stupid, by asking stupidities?
Every reference-body (co-ordinate system) has its own particular stupidity: unless we are told the reference-body to which a statement of stupidity refers, there is no meaning in a statement of the stupidity of an event.

Once, before I was born, I was strolling around the campus of Princeton University, Princeton, N.J. and I stopped an old geezer to ask if he had the time. He peered at me with his large, yoda-like eyes, his wild, white hair dancing in all directions at once, his long, unkemped moustache twitching with the ill concealed mirth of the smile he was trying to hold back, and asked: "According to what inertial co-ordinate system?" It struck me then: a blaze of insight so profound that I was nearly knocked off my feet. What had I realized?

Ivan Seeking

Apr16-04, 06:59 PM

The jellyfish stole your watch while you were checking the isotropy of photons.

What is the Swiss, precision watch maker's crowd doing these days?

zoobyshoe

Apr16-04, 07:26 PM

What is the Swiss, precision watch maker's crowd doing these days?
They've been shunted over to making sure the holes in the cheese are within tolerance; a vastly more precisely controlled process than the Swiss have ever let on.

Recently when I was reading an appendix to the aforementioned 1905 paper On the Electrodynamics of Nocturnal Roving Herds of Weird, Purple Jellyfish, I was astonished to find the author arriving at the following mathematical conclusion:

E=mc2

Where E = the energy released in the screams of the victim of a jellyfish sting.

m = the meanness of the particular jellyfish

c = the amount of cussing produced by the victim.

How was it that Alfred Einstein was able to sort out this remarkably simple relationship in a way that has dazzled all who look at the ocean and ponder the billions and billions of jellyfish it contains ever since?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr16-04, 08:50 PM

Recently when I was reading an appendix to the aforementioned 1905 paper On the Electrodynamics of Nocturnal Roving Herds of Weird, Purple Jellyfish, I was astonished to find the author arriving at the following mathematical conclusion:

E=mc2

Where E = the energy released in the screams of the victim of a jellyfish sting.

m = the meanness of the particular jellyfish

c = the amount of cussing produced by the victim.

How was it that Alfred Einstein was able to sort out this remarkably simple relationship in a way that has dazzled all who look at the ocean and ponder the billions and billions of jellyfish it contains ever since?Well, in a recently published study of "Reference Framing" in framable references of spacialities, that could be referentially framed, into references, it was noted that the level of referencing that went on, was directly referencable to the framing of the reference, preferred by the referential framer, who framed the reference, such that the entire reference would be frame in reference!!...that was how he had pondered it, but apparently he spelt it differently, out of frame and off reference......soooooooo....."a needle pulling thread"

Does a 'PushMePullYou' expand, or contract?

zoobyshoe

Apr16-04, 09:27 PM

Does a 'PushMePullYou' expand, or contract?
No, it doesn't, a fact discovered when they were studying it to see how it went to the bathroom.

Since the jellyfish is about 98% water the quetion is often raised "When I go collecting washed up jellyfish off the beach, is it possible to know if I am grabbing it by the jellyfish part or by the water part?" and this is the reason that Heizenburg formulated his astonishing Jellyfish Uncertainty Principle which states that we can either know the water content of a jellyfish, or the jellyfish content, but not both at the same time. A remarkable piece of work that said a great deal about jellyfish while completely avoiding a direct answer to the original quetion. How was Heizenburg able to be so slippery?

selfAdjoint

Apr16-04, 09:37 PM

No, it doesn't, a fact discovered when they were studying it to see how it went to the bathroom.

Since the jellyfish is about 98% water the quetion is often raised "When I go collecting washed up jellyfish off the beach, is it possible to know if I am grabbing it by the jellyfish part or by the water part?" and this is the reason that Heizenburg formulated his astonishing Jellyfish Uncertainty Principle which states that we can either know the water content of a jellyfish, or the jellyfish content, but not both at the same time. A remarkable piece of work that said a great deal about jellyfish while completely avoiding a direct answer to the original quetion. How was Heizenburg able to be so slippery?

He had mastered the famous Oiler's number.

Since the jellyfish/ocean duality is uncertain, do jelly fish communicate faster than tide?

Ivan Seeking

Apr17-04, 12:56 AM

He had mastered the famous Oiler's number.

Since the jellyfish/ocean duality is uncertain, do jelly fish communicate faster than tide?

The question of jellyfish entanglement is the greatest challenge facing all fishashists today.

How many tentacles are found on a jellyfish that exists in gillbert space?

zoobyshoe

Apr17-04, 01:49 AM

How many tentacles are found on a jellyfish that exists in gillbert space?
Orthonormally speaking, "gill" bert space, where there are alot of Von Neumann fish, is not a good place for jellyfish, because these fish bite and eat the jellyfish with sharp!pointy!teeth! and they end up with few, if any, tentacles.

Recently I was reading Alfred Einstein's staggering work: The General Theory of Jellitivity in which he sets forth ideas that have made it possible for us to now enjoy such technological wonders as the GPS (Gelatinous Positioning System). I am sure that by the time I finish this wonderful paper I will have a thorough understanding, not just of jellyfish, but of jelly, jello, unflavored gelatin, and perhaps even the musical stylings of Jellyroll Morton. To think it all started from his thoughts on "Gelatinous Motion" when he reccomended we all stare into a glass of water and watch the itsy-bitsy jellyfish being bounced around by the molecules like the balls in a tiny game of water polo. And to think it grew from there into his grand insight that space, itself, was curved like a jellyfish around the matter that floats through it. Where would Alfred Einstein be without the jellyfish?

Ivan Seeking

Apr17-04, 02:46 AM

Where would Alfred Einstein be without the jellyfish?

On dry land.

When Alfred boldly asserted that God doesn’t play dice with invertebrates, Seals Bohr barked back something about the protected species act leaving Alfred completely adrift in thought. But then while strolling along the trail of dead jellyfish left behind by Bohr, Alfred looked up…

What exactly did he realize as he tripped on a foaming jellyfish part?

zoobyshoe

Apr17-04, 03:17 AM

What exactly did he realize as he tripped on a foaming jellyfish part?
That he hadn't secured his sailboat and it was now about a hundred yards offshore being steered by a gang of pirate seals who called themselves "Jellium Mechanics".

Sir Isaac Newt demonstrated long ago that every wierd, purple jellyfish is actually composed of a spectrum of weirdness ranging from the infra-weird to the ultra-weird. This raised the quetion of the possibility of weird, purple jellyfish that are outside the range of human perception of weirdness. Haven't you ever noticed your cat staring at something unseen by you and wondered if it wasn't seeing a species of weird, purple jellyfish that only a feline can percieve?

Ivan Seeking

Apr17-04, 04:06 AM

Haven't you ever noticed your cat staring at something unseen by you and wondered if it wasn't seeing a species of weird, purple jellyfish that only a feline can percieve?

My cat, Einstein [I know, really unique], has looked at me strangely from time to time, as does Tsunami twice a day, but I can always account for this strange behavior – Einstein’s not Tsunami’s - by a careful check of the food bowl first, the litter box next, and then my newly developed hyper-weird jellyfish spectrometer. The data shows that your suggestion [and yours is not the only one.] would lead to something known as the purple jellyfish catastrophe. However, if we consider the deeds of the dastardly Swiss pirate known as Walk-the-Plank Max [an unemployed Swiss, precision watch maker that had a very unfortunate incident involving a hook, a peg leg, and a rope, but that's another story] we find that it was ole Walk-the who first realized that jellyfishes come in discrete units called Jellomolds. So I ask you: How can there be invisible purple jellyfish if they come in Jellomolds?

Math Is Hard

Apr17-04, 04:50 AM

We can't be too dismissive of the observations of feline physicists as they have a true mastery of higher dimensions. In fact, it was the young physicist Edward Kitten who first noticed that Jellomolds have the ability to seep out of 4 dimensionsal space-time and dissapear forever (thus becoming invisible) much like the little rubber mousie that got knocked under the refrigerator and was never seen again. Unfortunately many rival physicists were able to distract Kitten from completing his work on Jellomolds by rolling balls of yarn across the floor in front of him. This backfired ultimately, serving only to spark his ideas on "string theory".
Is a Swiss precision watch maker someone who makes watches that are Swiss and precise, or a person of Swiss nationality who makes precision watches or both or neither?

zoobyshoe

Apr17-04, 04:20 PM

Is a Swiss precision watch maker someone who makes watches that are Swiss and precise, or a person of Swiss nationality who makes precision watches or both or neither?
Swiss citizenship requires:

A. The ability to yodel.

B. The ability to make a precise watch.

C. The ability to name all the utensils on a Swiss Army knife without looking.

Therefore, the correct anser is: "both".

It used to be believed that jellomolds, by virtue of the "jiggly" aspect of their "jiggly/melty" duality, must be jiggles in some ubiquitous medium known as the icky goo.
However, all attempts to detect the icky goo using a fascinating set up of Smucker's jars mounted at right angles to each other on a great, solid, stone surface plate, such that the icky goo, if it actually existed, would be observable by Bill Cosby who was also mounted on the plate such that the icky goo would interfere with a bowl of Jell-o placed in front of him, failed. There was no icky goo.
Recently, however, there have been attempts to revive the notion of the icky goo. How do modern conceptions of the icky goo differ from those of the classical icky goo?

Math Is Hard

Apr17-04, 05:44 PM

..We interrupt this thread for a loosely related web reference...

Just as an aside, I have no idea what this web page is talking about, but if you scroll down to the middle of it those things look supiciously like jellyfish:

http://www.mu6.com/index.html

:biggrin:

...We now return you to our regularly scheduled quetion...

zoobyshoe

Apr17-04, 07:55 PM

Yup, them is jellyfish.

Math Is Hard

Apr17-04, 08:55 PM

How do modern conceptions of the icky goo differ from those of the classical icky goo?
The concept of icky goo has been abandoned by modern science altogether, upon the realization that jellyfish would rather float in salt water rather than goo.

Since advances in research now tell us that mass = jellyfish (as referenced by the web site in my last post), should our beloved E=mc^2 theory be modified to E=jc^2, AND... if there can be a value calculated from the product of two certain values of gravity and time, such that it is precisely equal to the speed of light, should the equation be so revised such that
E = jc(gt) or ultimately
E = TJCG thereby proving that ENERGY=GOD?

zoobyshoe

Apr17-04, 09:23 PM

Since advances in research now tell us that mass = jellyfish (as referenced by the web site in my last post), should our beloved E=mc^2 theory be modified to E=jc^2, AND... if there can be a value calculated from the product of two certain values of gravity and time, such that it is precisely equal to the speed of light, should the equation be so revised such that
E = jc(gt) or ultimately
E = TJCG thereby proving that ENERGY=GOD?
Absolutely! And don't stop there. Since Energy=God, and Energy=Mass, and Mass=Jellyfish, then JELLYFISH=GOD!!!!

Isn't that the answer that everyone whose posted in this thread has really been seeking all along?

Mr. Robin Parsons

Apr17-04, 09:28 PM

The concept of icky goo has been abandoned by modern science altogether, upon the realization that jellyfish would rather float in salt water rather than goo.

Since advances in research now tell us that mass = jellyfish (as referenced by the web site in my last post), should our beloved E=mc^2 theory be modified to E=jc^2, AND... if there can be a value calculated from the product of two certain values of gravity and time, such that it is precisely equal to the speed of light, should the equation be so revised such that
E = jc(gt) or ultimately
E = TJCG thereby proving that ENERGY=GOD?YES DEFINATELY especially since I read that linked page of yours and saw them Mama Branes!

What the heck is a Mama Brane? is it like a jollyfish/ (Thats 'inside' jellyfish talk for "one who laughs, at these jellyfishy pages")

Math Is Hard

Apr18-04, 09:52 PM

I think the Mama Brane is what takes over when maternal instincts are invoked. About 100 times fiercer than the reptile brane.

Should I type slowly in case any other blondes are reading this post?

zoobyshoe

Apr18-04, 11:59 PM

Should I type slowly in case any other blondes are reading this post?
The comprehension speed of blondes is tied to the typing speed of blondes by a simple relationship expressed in the following formula:

vb2 = (ç)/vb1

Where:

vb1= blonde typing velocity

vb2 = blonde comprehension velocity

(ç) = a constant known as the "Barbie Constant" which is a hairy and dense thing that would take 30 pages to explain.

The net result is that the slower you type the slower they comprehend.

Recently I went to the refridgerator and discovered that my jar of strawberry jelly was empty. Should I post about this in Skepticism and Debunking: was it an authentic Out-Of-Jelly-Experience?

Math Is Hard

Apr19-04, 12:39 AM

Zoob, you need to clean out your refrigerator. It is apparent that you have built up sufficient mass in the old ice box to create a miniature black hole. Jelliton particles will be the first to dissapear since they are naturally seeking the MAMA brane dwelling in the singularity.
One way to test for sure if a miniature black hole is forming in the frig: if you open the door and the light comes on, you’re probably ok, but if you open the door and all the light gets sucked out of your kitchen, then you’ve got a problem.
Hope this helps! If you clean out your frig and the problem still persists check your warranty.

What percentage of refrigerator warranties cover spontaneous black hole development?

zoobyshoe

Apr19-04, 05:17 PM

What percentage of refrigerator warranties cover spontaneous black hole development?
Percentage? I dont know. They offered me the extended spontaneous black hole development warrantee when I bought it but I thought that was just a scam to get more money out of me.

As I ponder cleaning out my fridge I wonder if I should throw out the five dozen fried egg jellyfish I have been keeping for a zoobie feast.

Here's what they look like:
Address:http://gallery.future-i.com/diving/spain/pic:fried-egg-jelly/

Really, how much mass could five dozen of these be contributing to my problem?

Rader

Apr20-04, 06:21 AM

Woohoo, a brand new forum to post in! Just thought it didn't feel quite right without this here. So in the tradition of PF 2.0 ask a stupid "quetion" and get a stupid answer back.

So to begin.... How long do you think it takes to reach a 1000 posts in this topic again?

Sorry to inform you, so late but it already has. :eek:

Math Is Hard

Apr20-04, 08:08 PM

Really, how much mass could five dozen of these be contributing to my problem?

Those fried egg jellies look delicious. I wouldn't keep them more than 48 hours though. They tend to spoil quickly. Egg jellies are more massive than they look, by the way.

Is there also a toast and sausage jellyfish?

zoobyshoe

Apr21-04, 01:39 AM

Is there also a toast and sausage jellyfish?
I don't know about sausage, but there will never be a toast jellyfish, because then they'd have to come up with a jelly jellyfish to put on it, which would be a redundancy, or a double positive, snce a jellyfish is already jelly, so how can you have a jelly jellyfish any more than you can have jelly jelly or fish fish?

Since fried eggs do not mate with jellyfish in nature, the fried egg jellyfish is clearly the result of mysterious experiments perpetrated behind closed doors at area 51. What kind of demented mind do you suppose determined that it would be interesting to see if you could cross a fried egg with a jellyfish?

Math Is Hard

Apr21-04, 03:26 AM

What kind of demented mind do you suppose determined that it would be interesting to see if you could cross a fried egg with a jellyfish?

Aha! A mind this inherently devious can only be traced back to one origin. I propose that these cruel freaks of nature were spawned by none other than the sellyfishly-inclined, late-night radio host, Art Bell, who in some drunken, hallucinatory frenzy (while tripping over the cat repeatedly in his trailer-lab) co-mingled jellyfish and fried egg DNA in hopes of finding an acceptable hangover cure.

If, by accident, Art had co-mingled his own DNA with jellyfish DNA, would that create a Bellyfish?

zoobyshoe

Apr21-04, 03:49 AM

If, by accident, Art had co-mingled his own DNA with jellyfish DNA, would that create a Bellyfish?
That, or something equally Artyfishal.

Since the nocturnaly roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish have made it to the nevada desert should we be worried they will displace the indigenous population of wild fried eggs?

Math Is Hard

Apr22-04, 12:41 AM

Why worry? This displacement will only serve to lower the cholesterol rate (which is considerable) of Nevada overall.

In the absense of natural predators (jellyfish) and with adequate resources, would the population of wild fried eggs grow at an exponential rate, and what effect would this have on sales of Lipitor?

zoobyshoe

Apr22-04, 01:34 AM

In the absense of natural predators (jellyfish) and with adequate resources, would the population of wild fried eggs grow at an exponential rate, and what effect would this have on sales of Lipitor?
Because non-native, nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish will attack and fight with the native wild fried eggs in an effort to take over the fried egg's source of brackish water it is sometimes erroneously concluded that the native Nevadan Desert Jellyfish is also in competition with the wild fried egg. This is not so, since the Native Nevadan Desert Jellyfish feeds exclusively on a species of hallucinogenic cactus found there, and is alway too high to fight anything else. Nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish are a completely new factor in this environment and ecologists are watching the situation with white-knuckled fear. The wild fried egg population has always been kept in check, not by predators, but because so many perish when they roll over to go to sleep and pop their yoke when they are still in the tender, sunny side up stage of development.

Confusing the Native Nevadan Desert Jellyfish with the wild fried egg, kids looking for a cheap high often end up with egg on their face when they travel to the desert and lick wild fried eggs, hoping to see fantastic colors and to get a glimpse of an alternate reality. In an effort to stop these kids from trespassing on his ranch and disturbing his herds of semi-domesticated wild fried eggs, Nevada fried egg rancher Ed Wilson has resorted to pretending his ranch is an outpost of Area 51, which he patrols in an old army jeep, wearing an old army uniform, threatening to shoot any trespassers who won't immediately leave. That seems illegal to me, but my quetion is: what does he do with all the fried eggs?

Math Is Hard

Apr23-04, 01:01 AM

my quetion is: what does he do with all the fried eggs?

Thrill-seeking students are the least of Ed Wilson's worries,as he has weekly confrontations with the Egg Liberation Front (ELF) who suspect he breeds WFE for cruel research experiments for the feds. There is also a problem of people illegally hunting these practically "tame" eggs on his property.
In fact, according to police reports, his eggs are poached virtually every morning.

If crazy, wacky Japanese Chindogu inventors will try every crazy, wacky invention, then why has no one ever invented or tried Jellyfish Sushi and would this invention respect the rules of Chindogu?

zoobyshoe

Apr23-04, 03:04 AM

If crazy, wacky Japanese Chindogu inventors will try every crazy, wacky invention, then why has no one ever invented or tried Jellyfish Sushi and would this invention respect the rules of Chindogu?
Technically speaking, any sushi purchased at the sushi restaurant known as "Jellyfish Sushi":

Address:http://www.portlandtribune.com/archview.cgi?id=23802
would be considered "jellyfish" sushi. However, this would violate chindogu by being for sale.

The many jellyfish recipes that do exist (7,500 listings on google)

Google Search: jellyfish recipes
Address:http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&oe=ISO-8859-1&q=jellyfish+recipes&btnG=Google+Search

tend to suggest that any authentic jellyfish sushi would also violate chindogu by being of actual use. Rules of chindogu: International Chindogu Society
Address:http://www.chindogu.com/chindogu/tenents.html

Recently the Discovery Channel had an interesting special about the wild fried egg. One extremely poignant segment showed a pregnant wild fried egg returning to the very same sun-heated flat rock where she herself had been born to give birth to her litter. It was quite fascinating to see how she deposited each of her babies at a carefully determined distance from each other so that as they began to fry in the sun they wouldn't stick together. Then she stayed to tenderly guard them till they had matured to the sturdier sunny-side-up stage of their development where they are able to move about on their own.

In view of this heartwarming documentary footage, it doesn't seem possible that anyone could not want to stop the encroachent upon this habitat by the nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish. Or am I just the victim of ELF propaganda?

Math Is Hard

Apr23-04, 12:05 PM

In view of this heartwarming documentary footage, it doesn't seem possible that anyone could not want to stop the encroachent upon this habitat by the nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish. Or am I just the victim of ELF propaganda?
This footage is an elaborate hoax created by ELF. It was all done with CG effects and stop-motion techniques. The truth is, Wild Fried Eggs come from Wild Fried Chickens.

Which leads us to the obvious quetion: Which came first, the Wild Fried Chicken or the Wild Fried Egg? :rolleyes:

zoobyshoe

Apr28-04, 01:23 PM

Which leads us to the obvious quetion: Which came first, the Wild Fried Chicken or the Wild Fried Egg? :rolleyes:
No, this is a trick quetion based on a logical fallacy. The wild fried chicken like the wild fired egg gives live birth to her young.

It is well known that if you capture a wild fried chicken and hold it up to your ear its body cavity will select sounds from the environment that happen to be in the resonant frequency of the wild fried chicken in quetion. Some adults in an attempt to be whimsical, will tell children that this is the sound of the spattering deep fryer in which the chicken was fried. In fact though, poultro-biologists have discovered that the resonant frequency of a given wild fried chicken is an excellent measurement of what?

Math Is Hard

Apr29-04, 01:38 AM

In fact though, poultro-biologists have discovered that the resonant frequency of a given wild fried chicken is an excellent measurement of what?

I think this measurement is in direct proportion to the number of Native Nevadan Desert Jellyfish one has licked before one goes frolicking through the woods putting wild fried chickens to his/her ear.

If a Wild Fried Chicken is steadily vibrated at its resonant frequency, will this cause the chicken to shatter into McNuggets?

zoobyshoe

Apr29-04, 03:31 AM

If a Wild Fried Chicken is steadily vibrated at its resonant frequency, will this cause the chicken to shatter into McNuggets?
No, McNuggets can only be created by bombarding a wild fried chicken with high voltage french fries that have been once or twice around the big, expensive types of particle accelerators. This knocks the fried chickens down into their component McNuggets. Then McNugget physicists study the greasy spiral trails and determine what kind of McNugget each one is. So far over 100 different kinds of McNuggets have been identified and there's no end in sight.

In spite of the fact that the wild fried egg has been known to poultro-biologists since there discovery in 1985 is still hasn't been determined if the wild scrambled egg is the senescent, final stage of the wild fried egg, or if it is a separate species. Gaps in basic knowledge like this shows that wild fried egg research has always been under-funded and unappreciated by institutions of higher learning. The many fried and scrambled egg breakfasts that have been organized to raise money for this research have somehow ended up being counter-productive. How can we get the word out that the wild fried egg needs to be studied before he nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish displace it forever into ecological niches where it may not be able to survive?

Math Is Hard

Jun1-04, 02:31 AM

Jellyfish will take their natural dominant place in the eco-system, as their adaptive biological abilities have shown them to be superior to the evolutionary capabilities of wild fried eggs.
That in mind, how certain is it, that jellyfish will soon displace the population of carnegie hall pianists?

zoobyshoe

Jun1-04, 04:47 AM

That in mind, how certain is it, that jellyfish will soon displace the population of carnegie hall pianists?
Although it is true that one member of one species of jellyfish native to the island lakes of Palau was recently observed playing the piano, the truth seems to be that most of them prefer the transverse flute. The ones that really seem to constitute a threat are those that have taken up conducting.

To discover the spring constant k of a jellyfish's tentacle it is only necessary to suspend the animal from the ceiling and hang a mass whose force in newtons under the acceleration of gravity is known, measure the displacement by subtracting tentacle length 2 from tentacle length 1, and to plug the results in to the following formula: k=F/d, where d = displacement, k = spring constant, and F = force in newtons. What do you suppose is the best way to get a jellyfish to cooperate with this excercise?

BoulderHead

Jun1-04, 10:06 AM

What do you suppose is the best way to get a jellyfish to cooperate with this excercise?
By appealing to its thrill for scientific discovery. If that doesn’t work, attempt to bribe by offering an honorary title.

If ice milk is artificial ice cream, what would artificial ice milk be ?

hypnagogue

Jun1-04, 10:34 AM

If ice milk is artificial ice cream, what would artificial ice milk be ?

Artificially artificial ice cream.

What word sounds stranger when repeated in sequence than 'artificial'?

Megus

Jun1-04, 03:10 PM

Artificially artificial ice cream.

What word sounds stranger when repeated in sequence than 'artificial'?

the strangest artificial ...

motai

Jun1-04, 03:20 PM

Artificially artificial ice cream.

What word sounds stranger when repeated in sequence than 'artificial'?

creating creating creating creating creating creating :biggrin:

What would happen if someone created a crater while creating his own creatine milkshake?

jimmy p

Jun1-04, 06:12 PM

he would create a mess.

what would happen if someone created a crater while creating his own creatine milkshake STRANGELY??

zoobyshoe

Jun2-04, 06:29 AM

what would happen if someone created a crater while creating his own creatine milkshake STRANGELY??
It's funny you should ask that quetion because once, when I was flopping around like a landed trout, having just slid down the side of a large crater, STRANGELY, I noticed a polish aviator of my aquaintence crawling on all fours out of the airplane he had just demolished in the making of the crater, and we retired to the nearest fast food establishment for a milkshake consisting completely of authentic artificial ingredients.

Since almost every fast food establishment has now included the new completely artificially flavored weird, purple jellyfish milkshake on their menu, wierd purple jellyfish everywhere have breathed a sigh of relief. Why is it no one seems concerned about the welfare of the free range herds of artificial weird, purple jellyfish who are being slaughtered by the millions merely to delight America's taste buds?

Math Is Hard

Jun2-04, 02:18 PM

Because we are a selfish and uncaring society.

Why is it that jellyfish, like bad pennies, always turn up?

hypnagogue

Jun2-04, 02:36 PM

Why is it that jellyfish, like bad pennies, always turn up?

Because, like bad pennies, when you see one of the floor you can't turn it down.

What attribute of pennies makes them 'pen-like'?

Math Is Hard

Jun2-04, 03:55 PM

It's a little known fact that if you turn a penny on it's edge, and press down really hard, you can write with it. (just like a pen - only different)

why is a nickel twice as big as a dime if it's worth half as much?

zoobyshoe

Jun3-04, 04:07 AM

why is a nickel twice as big as a dime if it's worth half as much?
The nickel is large because it is on the verge of splitting into two dimes by asexual reproduction. It's worth less, before it splits, because it is younger and less experienced.

Speaking of coins: once, when I was at work surveying some ancient ruins that were to be mapped for historical research, the ground beneath my feet suddenly gave way and I found myself sliding down an inclined shaft away from the sunlight and into a dark, cool, stale, mysterious place below. Whipping out the 2000 watt flashlight I had ordered through the Coast to Coast program, and which I always carried with me in broad daylight, because it is also a radio, I quickly flicked on my favorite station, and sat down to wait to be rescued. After an hour or so, my eyes became accustomed to the dark and I began to make out the figure of what looked like an old woman huddled against the wall of the other side of the chamber I was in. Soon it was clear she was engaged in some knitting. Later it could be discerned that she was knitting something I couldn't make out. Later, it was completely clear that what she was knitting was totally obscure.
About an hour later, she uncrossed her legs, and nudged at what looked like a heap of indeterminate properties that was on the floor of the chamber in front of her. "Penny! Penny! she said, "Wake up and try this on, now!" The heap stirred and elevated itself from the ground, and revealed itself to be a weird, purple jellyfish. She held the garment for it while it sleepily slipped it's tentacles into all the tentacle sleeves, and then she buttoned up the front. "Looks pretty good!" the old woman said. The weird, purple jellyfish just yawned. Why is it that a quarter, which is worth five times as much as a nickle, only turns up like a bad penny, when the nickles are wooden, since if you bite a doubloon to make sure it is really gold, that's a pretty penny in dental work if it turns out not to be, but if a pennywise jellyfishfoolish fool bites a jellyfish, he will have no pennies saved for a rainy day because a jellyfish saved from cold on a rainy day with a nice sweater is money in the bank?

Math Is Hard

Jun3-04, 12:14 PM

I believe you have asked more than one quetion within that question and therefore the only suitable anser to all of the above is "because Mr. Robin Parsons has to declared it to be so and therefore it is so".

Funny that you mention jellyfish... the other day I was preparing a recipe my physics teacher had given me for kung pao jellyfish and I couldn't find quite the right pan to cook them in. I had a single burner mini-stove on hand, but my teacher insisted that authentic Chinese cookware would only produce the even-heating desired for preparing the dish.

What do you do when you're stuck between a wok and a hot plate?

zoobyshoe

Jun3-04, 12:40 PM

What do you do when you're stuck between a wok and a hot plate?
Don't proceed to complain about your situation till you perform this test: lean way over and sniff your toes. If you can't stand your feet then get on with your bichin'.

Funny you should mention the ancient Chinese martial art of Kung Pao...the other day, as I was strolling through Chinatown, I was recognized as a zoobie and stared at everywhere I went. Pretty soon a very rough looking gentleman with a pock-marked visage, a bald head, and the tattoo of the Kung Pao monastery on his neck began, not so sureptitiously to follow me around. Being nervous, since I was out of my usual, brushy habitat, I looked for some means of shaking him off. Percieving my intent, he began to follow more and more closely, till he was right behind me. In desperation I turned and attempted to enter a bric a brac shop, but my entry was blocked by a large man, also bald, sporting a painfull looking cicatrice down his left cheek, and also bearing the Kung Pao tattoo.

What do you do when you're caught between a pocked and a scarred face?

jimmy p

Jun4-04, 10:02 AM

Introduce the two people to eachother, get them talking about make up to cover up their blemishes and sneak out.

Whilst preparing the Zoob delicacy of Purple jellyfish pie, I was arguing with a chef online as to what the main constituent of the gravy inside should be. He insisted on using an oxo cube whereas I remembered that Zoobs like the taste of animal fat

What do you do when you're caught between stock and a lard base?

zoobyshoe

Jun5-04, 05:18 AM

Whilst preparing the Zoob delicacy of Purple jellyfish pie, I was arguing with a chef online as to what the main constituent of the gravy inside should be. He insisted on using an oxo cube whereas I remembered that Zoobs like the taste of animal fat

What do you do when you're caught between stock and a lard base?
Thanks for the pie, Jimmy. Your unfortunate tiff with the chef reminds me of the lowly ditchdigger who decided to persue his dream of becoming a cowboy. At the first roundup, however, he found himself to be too tenderhearted to apply the hot iron to the calves flanks. His harsh boss fired him on the spot, saying "If you can't brand the meat, then get back to your ditchin'!"

In 1861, in his declining years, Electromagnetism genius Michael Fairedey discovered what was perhaps his most important discovery, which is that, if you apply a jellyfish to the left side of a person's head, a current to the right side, arrange a North-South magnetic field along the shortest dimension of the jellyfish, shine some polarized light in the person's ears, and then instruct the person to blow upon a lighted candle, the price of peas in the remote English village of Squatting by Turditch will drop by precisely tuppence a ton, no matter where in Great Britain the setup is arranged. However, the governing coucil of Squatting asked him please to stop performing the demonstration, and knowledge of this effect fell by the wayside. Later, though, mathemetician, and Fairedaey admirer, Maxwell S. Hammer, sat down and worked out a system of remarkable formulas that completely explain The Squatting Effect and all its ramifications. In light of Hammer's formula's, what do you suppose would happen if the Elders of Squatting ever relaxed the prohibition on the demonstration?

Ivan Seeking

Jun5-04, 06:32 PM

You would Hammer a Squatting Elder of course!

But this raises the question, if a Squatting elder is Hammered, is this always an issue of peas?

zoobyshoe

Jun5-04, 07:35 PM

But this raises the question, if a Squatting elder is Hammered, is this always an issue of peas?
M.S.Hammer covered the Squatting pea configuration in the second two of his equations. Hammered or not, the Elders, all being men, don't figure into these.

Maxwell S.Hammer, of course, is also well known for a very minor idea he once proposed, which is that if a small entity were placed in charge of the door of the Pub in Squatting on Turditch, and only opened the door inward to those who were sober, and only opened it outward to those who were hammered, then he might with no expenditure of energy, create a situation where all the sober people were inside the pub, and all the drunks, outside. This door opening and closing entity later became known as Hammer's Door Slammer. Regardless, there seemed to be a flaw in his logic. Could such a separation of the drunk and sober actually occur? Physicists often propose explanations as to why it couldn't as a mental excercize. What's yours?

Ivan Seeking

Jun6-04, 08:18 PM

M.S.Hammer covered the Squatting pea configuration in the second two of his equations. Hammered or not, the Elders, all being men, don't figure into these.

Maxwell S.Hammer, of course, is also well known for a very minor idea he once proposed, which is that if a small entity were placed in charge of the door of the Pub in Squatting on Turditch, and only opened the door inward to those who were sober, and only opened it outward to those who were hammered, then he might with no expenditure of energy, create a situation where all the sober people were inside the pub, and all the drunks, outside. This door opening and closing entity later became known as Hammer's Door Slammer. Regardless, there seemed to be a flaw in his logic. Could such a separation of the drunk and sober actually occur? Physicists often propose explanations as to why it couldn't as a mental excercize. What's yours?

you know this is a thinly veiled reference to Max Weldemo’n - the French door opener who was often confused with being a French-Door opener, and this gets into the true roots of Jeffersonian Democracy so we won’t get into that right now…in fact I see why you were trying to avoid the issue. Let’s consider only Demo’n – generally known as the Turditch Demo’n.

As they say, Nature abhors the Turditch Demo’n. There can be little doubt however that when we speak of the Turditch Demo’n, we are talking physics – lots of physics. In fact, only by using physics can we finally expel the Turditch Demo’n. Since this clearly goes beyond the scope of this discussion, I will refer you to the famous Turditch Paper. With this I think the issue of Turditch is wiped clean.

Funny enough, Demo’n was a Star Trek fan and he often appeared in full costume. Do you know his species; one familiar from the show?

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 10:48 AM

Funny enough, Demo’n was a Star Trek fan and he often appeared in full costume. Do you know his species; one familiar from the show?
All who are familiar with the fascinating footnote to the history of Physics represented by Demo'n know the anser to that quetion: Klingon, and they also know of Demo'n's eccentric habit of refering to himself when so attired, not as a Klingon, but as a Dingleberry.

Your reference to Jeffersonian Democracy opens the way to a discussion of the physics research of that other great early American, Ben Cracklin, who, perhaps a bit foolishly, launched a large kite up into a thunderstorm with a conducting line and a key attached, in the hope of creating an aerial navigation hazard that would cause a UFO to crash so he could examine it. The jar he had prepared in which to store the downed UFO, a special configuration of metal and glass invented some decades earlier in the Dutch city of Leyden, and which we now refer to as a Cracklin UFO jar was the forerunner of the modern condenser (i.e.trash compactor) and forms a part of most modern debunking operations. As history records, Cracklin succeeded in capturing a small UFO in his jar, and it is now on display for all to see at the Smithsonian. What did Cracklin discover the UFO to be?

jimmy p

Jun7-04, 01:28 PM

Interestingly enough the UFO that Ben Cracklin managed to lure to the ground turned out to be a small tray of raspberry puddings.

A new quetion arises from this point. HOW did Cracklin tempt the UFO to earth?

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 01:55 PM

A new quetion arises from this point. HOW did Cracklin tempt the UFO to earth?
That's what the key was for: it was the key to his hotel room.

Cracklin's discovery that the upper atmosphere is highly charged with raspberry pudding was nearly simultaneously made and documented by a Russian researcher, who, while he had the forsight to write his findings down, made the error of consuming the evidence, and lost his place in the history books. Physics is, in fact, full of these strange near- simultaneous discoveries by separate people not in communication with each other, and the story of how history comes to favor the discovery of one over the other is fascinating. Can you think of any others?

Math Is Hard

Jun7-04, 02:12 PM

Absolutely - consider the similarity of Newton disovering the Choculus and writing down his formulae on a Hershey bar which he absent-mindedly consumed later. Leibniz, however, was forever counting calories and wrote his theories down on vellum. Still, both have received credit for the invention of these methods.

can you think of any others?

jimmy p

Jun7-04, 02:35 PM

There was the calamitous event where Ampere tested the conductivity of cucumbers in ethanoic acid. It was quite a pickle. Or when Rutherford followed up his famous quotation "it was like firing a shell at a sheet of paper and watching it bounce back". Quite explosive results.

Seeing as we are on the subject of scientific experiments, what is the best antivenom for weird purple jellyfish stings?

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 04:54 PM

Seeing as we are on the subject of scientific experiments, what is the best antivenom for weird purple jellyfish stings?
Hmmm. I think I see what you're getting at here: inventor Thomas Headison's 36,457 unsuccessful attempts to find the weird, purple jellyfish antivenin by process of elimination. Many people feel that he was psychologically blocked from attaining his goal because sweating is one of the main symptoms of the sting, and Headison, as is well known, was fond of perspiration. Regardless, his efforts were rendered moot when one of his hired men, a bright, young immigrant from Serbia, sat down and calculated the constituents of the antivenin in about ten minutes of work. Headison, delighted with something new to patent, rewarded the young man by firing him. "We don't use math here at the Headison company." Headison remarked.

For five long years eccentric, obsessed inventor Charles "One Trick Pony" Goodmonth toiled to find a way to harness the flexibility, and waterproof qualities, of the weird, purple jellyfish into a material that would be of practical use in our everyday lives. He spent hours everyday poking at jellyfish and watching them jiggle, his mind inflamed with dreams of what they could be made into, while his poor family nearly starved to death. Then one day in 1839 he accidently dropped a weird, purple jellyfish onto a hot stove where there was a puddle of spilled sulphur. The two united into the substance he had been seeking all these long years. Picking up a bit of the flexible putty, he went to the mirror and molded it onto his ears, sculpting them into points. "Vulcanization!" he cried.

Name some other Star Trek characters who are based on real life personages from the history of Jellitivity.

Math Is Hard

Jun7-04, 10:28 PM

Obvious metaphor: Tribbles = Jellyfish

Why do virtually all Chinese physicists reject the Theory of Jellativity? Which do you think is more difficult for them - the concept, or the pronounciation of Weird Purple Jellyfish?

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 10:53 PM

Why do virtually all Chinese physicists reject the Theory of Jellativity? Which do you think is more difficult for them - the concept, or the pronounciation of Weird Purple Jellyfish?
As the great Cantonese physics teacher, Richard Chineynman said "Wha? You think I no can say `Weah poopo jerryfish?'"

In general the Chinese resistence to Jellytivity is more based on their objections to playing with your food than anything else.

Speaking of Chineynman, is it true he is so respected here that a person can post the most absurd, idiotic quetion but as long as they mention his name, experts mentors, and supermentors will line up to respond?

BoulderHead

Jun7-04, 10:55 PM

Why do virtually all Chinese physicists reject the Theory of Jellativity?
Because it’s deliciousness was proven to be inconsistent…

Which do you think is more difficult for them - the concept, or the pronounciation of Weird Purple Jellyfish?
Sorry, that makes two questions, muwahaha!

What’s the difference between a purple jellyfish and a Portugese Man-O-War ?

[edit; oops, Zooby beat me out, scratch my question]

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 11:09 PM

[edit; oops, Zooby beat me out, scratch my question]

Boulderhead and family:
Address:http://www.so-utah.com/capitol/goblin/homepage.html

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 11:12 PM

BoulderHead

Jun7-04, 11:29 PM

Speaking of Chineynman, is it true he is so respected here that a person can post the most absurd, idiotic quetion but as long as they mention his name, experts mentors, and supermentors will line up to respond?
I dunno, but I am aquainted with a Chineyman who sell 'dollar chicken' from his shop window.

BoulderHead going for a swim;
http://thailandforvisitors.com/south/samui/sights/fullsize/grandpool.jpg

What does it mean when the palm of your hand itches?

zoobyshoe

Jun7-04, 11:44 PM

What does it mean when the palm of your hand itches?
1st symptom of the 36 hour zoobonic plague. To be followed by fever, chills, headache, projectile vomiting (ballistic), projectile vomiting (non-ballistic), and, projectile vomiting (relativistic).

What is this "QED" by Richard Chineynman I hear so much about? What is that, anyway?

BoulderHead

Jun7-04, 11:50 PM

What is this "QED" by Richard Chineynman I hear so much about? What is that, anyway?
I don't know either but hope someone will shed some Light on the Matter.

Very distant relative;
http://www.msss.com/mars_images/moc/extended_may2001/face/face_e03-824_proc_i.gif

Is a strange theory better than no theory at all?

zoobyshoe

Jun8-04, 12:12 AM

Very distant relative;
http://www.msss.com/mars_images/moc/extended_may2001/face/face_e03-824_proc_i.gif
Poor guy's caught between a pocked and a scarred face.
[QUOTE]Is a strange theory better than no theory at all?
Strangely, I have a theory about that: it seems to me that a man wthout a theory is caught in the same predicament as a horse without moose antlers; you can lead him to water, but he will have no flying squirrel companions.

Speaking of mars, squirrels, moose, horses and water, there was a time, not so log ago, when a man used to be able to pick up a newspaper for 35 cents, take it home, pop it in the microwave, and feed on it for a week like some giant, wingless, paperwasp. Now everything's becoming more and more electronic, and a guy can't hardly find a real newpaper anymore. What do you suggest?

P.S. Boulderhead dressed as President Kennedy for Halloween:

Address:http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/JFK.html

Math Is Hard

Jun8-04, 01:45 AM

Have you tried placing your paper on the George Foreman grill? dee- licious!

What I am really wondering about is if the transit of Venus tomorrow morning is astrologically auspicious for takers of mid-term exams tomorrow night?

BoulderHead

Jun8-04, 02:33 AM

What I am really wondering about is if the transit of Venus tomorrow morning is astrologically auspicious for takers of mid-term exams tomorrow night?
I thought about that to the point it felt my head would explode;
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/Pompador.html
...and finally concluded that so long as the takers don’t catch a glimpse of her heavenly body they shouldn't be distracted from the exam.

But what will happen to the test scores if students should glimpse seventh planet from the Sun instead?
:biggrin:

jimmy p

Jun8-04, 12:29 PM

They would get the same marks as pupils that glimpsed at a full moon.

What would happen if a full moon eclispsed Uranus?

zoobyshoe

Jun8-04, 12:51 PM

What would happen if a full moon eclispsed Uranus?
Eclisped? Then: a diet and speech therapy.

What if nothing at all in particular is visible due to a transient high concentration of raspberry pudding charges in the upper atmosphere?

jimmy p

Jun8-04, 12:57 PM

Eclisped? Then: a diet and speech therapy.

What if nothing at all in particular is visible due to a transient high concentration of raspberry pudding charges in the upper atmosphere?

Well then we wouldnt have to look at anything through rose tinted sunglasses.

How would a "silver lining" on a cloud be determined if everything in the atmosphere looks raspberry pudding coloured?

zoobyshoe

Jun8-04, 01:16 PM

How would a "silver lining" on a cloud be determined if everything in the atmosphere looks raspberry pudding coloured?
This would require the use of an AgAplex S3400 silver lining detector, a large, heavy piece of equipment which only exists at present in permanent installation form (non-portable), and which costs in excess of $15,000 in electricity each time they simply flick it on.

Speaking of silver, eclispes, electricity, pudding and sunglasses: it used to be that a guy could go out and for $20 dollars buy enough gas to bring home and run his reverse gravity, double zero point, perpetual unipolar permanent magnet free energy generating machine for a full two weeks. Now he can barely get enough free energy out of it to last a day for $20. Any suggestions?

jimmy p

Jun8-04, 01:30 PM

Speaking of silver, eclispes, electricity, pudding and sunglasses: it used to be that a guy could go out and for $20 dollars buy enough gas to bring home and run his reverse gravity, double zero point, perpetual unipolar permanent magnet free energy generating machine for a full two weeks. Now he can barely get enough free energy out of it to last a day for $20. Any suggestions?

Well, I have heard of recent experiments headed by the great scientist Ned Whitting who are trying to reap the benefits of the energy in raspberry puddings. At the moment, there are setbacks as the fuel required to power the projectiles needed to collect the raspberry puddings costs more than the amout of energy the raspberry puddings produce.

In light of the recent experiments, Ned Whitting has asked on many science-based websites if they can suggest a suitable fuel for his raspberry pudding collections. What are the best weather conditions for sending airplanes into the sky bearing in mind that raspberry pudding storms cause serious damage to planes with diabetic pilots?

zoobyshoe

Jun8-04, 02:16 PM

What are the best weather conditions for sending airplanes into the sky bearing in mind that raspberry pudding storms cause serious damage to planes with diabetic pilots?
Actually, I think the matter of windshield wipers is a more pressing concern in this endeavor.

Why not simply erect a very tall tower upon which Ned Whitting can perch with a bucket to catch the raspberry pudding, and pour it through a funnel into a pipe that will convey it down to a storage recepticle at the bottom?

jimmy p

Jun8-04, 02:45 PM

Why not simply erect a very tall tower upon which Ned Whitting can perch with a bucket to catch the raspberry pudding, and pour it through a funnel into a pipe that will convey it down to a storage recepticle at the bottom?

They tried that before. Unfortunately a blockage occurred in the pipe running down to the ground, which caused the pudding-pipe to topple. However the staple building blocks for the tower were matchsticks.

Due to this occurence, the team decided that it would be best not to make a tower, until a decent resource could be found. Instead they are planning on using a Dilithium pudding-pump to extract the valuable energy. What is the main problem with this method of extraction?

Gokul43201

Jun8-04, 05:15 PM

Instead they are planning on using a Dilithium pudding-pump to extract the valuable energy. What is the main problem with this method of extraction?

If the dilithium pump parameters are not carefully monitored, the dilithium could go active, causing the entire pump housing to be propelled away at warp speed.

But then, would it be such a bad thing for pudding to boldly go where no dessert has gone before ?

zoobyshoe

Jun8-04, 06:33 PM

But then, would it be such a bad thing for pudding to boldly go where no dessert has gone before ?
Goodness, it could be a calamity!!! What if the pudding projectile plopped down on a planet that was inhabitd by an underdeveloped species, not sufficiently advanced to grasp the ramifications of this sweet treat? It would be a violation of the Prime Directive.

Speaking of sweets, calamities, species, pumps, and energy, time was when a guy could go out and but a large bag of potato chips for about a dollar, bring 'em home, and feed 'em to his pet giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth, and everyone was happy. Now the price of chips has gone up to 3 or 4 dollars a bag, and the average giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth owner can hardly afford his pet anymore. Any suggestions?

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 12:49 AM

Speaking of sweets, calamities, species, pumps, and energy, time was when a guy could go out and but a large bag of potato chips for about a dollar, bring 'em home, and feed 'em to his pet giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth, and everyone was happy. Now the price of chips has gone up to 3 or 4 dollars a bag, and the average giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth owner can hardly afford his pet anymore. Any suggestions?
Only one; Leave it on the front porch of a house located in a wealthy neighborhood, ring the doorbell, then run quickly back to the car...

How would this leave you feeling if the price of chips were suddenly to drop and you just couldn't stop thinking about that bratty little child who opened the door owning your giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth?

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 01:13 AM

How would this leave you feeling if the price of chips were suddenly to drop and you just couldn't stop thinking about that bratty little child who opened the door owning your giraffe-necked, loggerhead-flippered, amphibious mutant tree sloth?
Well, leaving it there was my decision, and choice so there would be no one left to blame in my mind but that bratty little kid.

Grampa Boulderhead, Founder of the Clan:
Address:http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/Wilson.html

Speking of brats, blame, giraffes, turtles, and amphibians, used to be a guy could go out and pick up a couple of flashlight batteries for $1.50, bring 'em home, crack 'em open with a hammer, smear the black stuff inside all over his body, and run up and down the stairs shouting "I'm Johnny-Cake Johnny! That's who I am! I'm Johnny-Cake Johnny!!!", and everyone was happy. Now, a couple of batteries will set you back 4-5 bucks, and who can afford that? Any suggestions?

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 01:36 AM

Speking of brats, blame, giraffes, turtles, and amphibians, used to be a guy could go out and pick up a couple of flashlight batteries for $1.50, bring 'em home, crack 'em open with a hammer, smear the black stuff inside all over his body, and run up and down the stairs shouting "I'm Johnny-Cake Johnny! That's who I am! I'm Johnny-Cake Johnny!!!", and everyone was happy. Now, a couple of batteries will set you back 4-5 bucks, and who can afford that? Any suggestions?
Only one; purchase the non-alkaline types because hammering little dents into them (I prefer biting) will actually put some life back into the things.

BoulderHead out with 'the boys';

Note; I will need to remove this link after a few minutes, hehe. :biggrin:

Are public restroom vending machines good for avoiding anything?

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 01:49 AM

BoulderHead out with 'the boys';
http://www.bitoffun.com/images/wei-Hard_as_a_Rock.jpg

Note; I will need to remove this link after a few minutes, hehe. :biggrin:
Why? Can't keep it up?

hehehehehe

Are public restroom vending machines good for avoiding anything?
Bar owners frequently avoid having their legs broken by placing those machines in their bathrooms, yes.

Recently, while practising the ancient art of dowsing, I succeeded in finding no fewer than 14 pairs of old dowsing rods. Any explanations?

Boulderhead trying to be surreptitious:
Address:http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/Grafton.html

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 02:05 AM

Now my true nature is at last revealed :rofl:

Recently, while practising the ancient art of dowsing, I succeeded in finding no fewer than 14 pairs of old dowsing rods. Any explanations?
I'd have to consult with (Q) for an explanation. :biggrin:

Boulderhead's Polynesian sweety;
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/Pipestone.html

Can dowsing rods be used to locate a suitable area on a commercial jetliner for parachute mounting?

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 02:20 AM

Now my true nature is at last revealed
hehehehehehehe

Can dowsing rods be used to locate a suitable area on a commercial jetliner for parachute mounting?
Of course. I know someone who once used them to locate a place to mount the flight attendant.

Say, given all the noise on a jet, all the engine rumbling and such, and the fact you're going 800 miles an hour, and because the pilots sometimes hum tunes into the PA system cause they forget to shut them off, do you suppose it is possible that sound is being produced in the infrasonic range that could be affecting the passeners? Ya think this could explain why, whenever I fly I have the strong urge to stand in front of everyone announcing "De plane!!! De Plane!!!"?

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 02:40 AM

...do you suppose it is possible that sound is being produced in the infrasonic range that could be affecting the passeners? I don't think so 'cause I'm fairly certain they had all those types of ranges replaced with more modern microwave ovens.
Ya think this could explain why, whenever I fly I have the strong urge to stand in front of everyone announcing "De plane!!! De Plane!!!"?
Methinks those little bottles they sell for exorbitant prices would be a more likely cause. :rofl:

Are not those seat-buckle demonstrations performed by flight attendants some of the most captivating performances ever witnessed in nature?

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 02:50 AM

Are not those seat-buckle demonstrations performed by flight attendants some of the most captivating performances ever witnessed in nature?
I don't fly for any other reason.

I have an autograph book with the signatures of over 300 lovely flight attendants; the past and present stars of the seat belt demonstrations all over the globe. What am I bid?

Math Is Hard

Jun9-04, 02:57 AM

I'll give you 30 tons of raw jellyfish, seeing as Zoobs don't appreciate the value of U.S. legal tender.

How many barbers have gone insane after encountering Boulderhead's massive pompadour?

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 03:04 AM

How many barbers have gone insane after encountering Boulderhead's massive pompadour?
Trick quetion. None. Boulder gets his hair cut by jackhammer artists at the foot of Mt. Rushmore.

I wonder, do all the real Boulderheads feel envious of all the attention the fake Boulderheads at Mt. Rushmore recieve?

Disgruntled, envious boulderhead:?
Address:http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/8338/Faces/labels/WhtMtnFor.html

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 03:07 AM

How many barbers have gone insane after encountering Boulderhead's massive pompadour?
Too many, and all I ever wanted was a little trim...but it appears I am stuck with my cowlick ! :biggrin:

[edit = ignore (been beaten to punch by the Zoobster once again)]

Gokul43201

Jun9-04, 10:56 AM

I wonder, do all the real Boulderheads feel envious of all the attention the fake Boulderheads at Mt. Rushmore recieve?

There are no real Boulderheads.

But there are the retired sculptors from the stellar system, Rockstar Chisellitallup. So the day they get thier pensions (they're periodic beings, like our cicadas - all born the same day, start working together, and retire simultaneously, a Mersenne prime number of years later - but that's a different story) the entire sculpting community of planet Boulderdash (the only other community on the planet are a bunch of surgeons that specialize in setting bones broken by flying granite) go travelling about the Galaxy performing their artwork upon yet unbeautified planets.

The most recent generation of the Boulderdash sculptors (retired about 4000 years ago) proudly take the credit for the canals of Mars - even though they had to consume several gigatonnes of asteroids to keep them going.

Did you know that the Boulderdashian sculptors are a species devoid of the female sex ?

BoulderHead

Jun9-04, 08:32 PM

Did you know that the Boulderdashian sculptors are a species devoid of the female sex ?
To a point approaching physical pain, YES ! :biggrin: :rofl:

I saw an advertisement in a local newspaper selling a two-year old cement mixer for $125. How can anyone so young perform such back-breaking labor ??

zoobyshoe

Jun9-04, 10:03 PM

I saw an advertisement in a local newspaper selling a two-year old cement mixer for $125. How can anyone so young perform such back-breaking labor ??
We here at area 51 have been looking for that child since his escape last month. Please PM me with the location. In the meantime phone the vendor and tell them not to feed it any lobster. I'm not at liberty to explain.

Every once in a while someone finds a boulderhead somewhere in Mexico that looks exactly like the Virgin Mary. It's a miracle, isn't it?

motai

Jun9-04, 10:40 PM

Every once in a while someone finds a boulderhead somewhere in Mexico that looks exactly like the Virgin Mary. It's a miracle, isn't it?

Absolutely, it is right next to the large rock that looks mysteriously like Richard Nixon's nose. That is when you set up a booth and charge people to have their picture taken with a up-scaled version of nature's rendition of a former U.S. Presidents nose. 140% of the people who did this reported gaining thousands of pesos and using all of the money up to buy one loaf of bread.

*last sentence is slightly inaccurate.

Can one theoretically rob a bank with a frozen loaf of bread and get away with it?

EDIT: to Math Is Hard - I meant using the frozen loaf of bread as a weapon, like a gun. sorry for misunderstanding. put changes in edit so as to not ruin the flow of this gigantic thread.

Math Is Hard

Jun9-04, 10:56 PM

Wouldn't it be better rob a bank that had money rather than just a lousy loaf of frozen bread?

If Ask a Stupid Quetion.. became a hit TV show, who would be the sponsors?

zoobyshoe

Jun10-04, 04:52 AM

If Ask a Stupid Quetion.. became a hit TV show, who would be the sponsors?
Due to vanity, I'm more concerned about who they'll get to play the role of Zooby.

I bought a CD the other day, a recording of a rarly performed violin sonata by rarely recorded composer, Uwe S. Ohrenkreig, performed by pianist Schnellen D. Bangenhammer and violinist Schramme D. Blitzgeige. The composer describes this work as being set in the key of Z minor. It consist of noises produced by dropping delicate, airy things like leaves and feathers onto the strings of the two instruments.
It is a subtle work, and went over my head. Anyone have any idea what it was all about?

Gokul43201

Jun10-04, 10:16 AM

Sure...it's more popularly known as the levitationally traveling oxymorchestra. For a couple months each year, you'll find it going over everybody's heads.

If I now asked a quetion that was not stupid, would this thread, in a moment of angst, give up, pack its bags, and go home ?

Math Is Hard

Jun10-04, 12:27 PM

Let's find out. I will ask a "borderline" stupid quetion as a test, and we can measure how long the thread stalls.

My textbook says that if you have a current moving through a wire, electrons move in the opposite direction of the current. Why is that?

motai

Jun10-04, 12:43 PM

My textbook says that if you have a current moving through a wire, electrons move in the opposite direction of the current. Why is that?

Simple, it is mating season and the electons want to move upstream to fertilize the opposite "sex (i.e charge)". Its a subatomic world of salmon migration.

Would the following statement be true based on that assumption? "Electrons have feelings too" if the opposite charge dumps an election?

i_wish_i_was_smart

Jun10-04, 02:54 PM

holy **** there is 1100 replies to this thread, well make this 1101

Math Is Hard

Jun10-04, 03:17 PM

Would the following statement be true based on that assumption? "Electrons have feelings too" if the opposite charge dumps an election?

Absolutely. Electrons certainly have feelings. So does friction.

Many elementary physics textbooks will preface a problem by stating "Ignore friction."
How long do you think friction will continue to take being ignored by thousands upon thousands of students before it finally snaps, and what will be the consequences?

jimmy p

Jun10-04, 03:29 PM

Absolutely. Electrons certainly have feelings. So does friction.

Many elementary physics textbooks will preface a problem by stating "Ignore friction."
How long do you think friction will continue to take being ignored by thousands upon thousands of students before it finally snaps, and what will be the consequences?

I think that friction will tired of being constantly ignored and within the next year or two will snap and give people horrible rashes and burns.

Speaking of ignored science with feelings, how bad do you think air resistance feels when textbooks tell you that it is negligable?

Kacper

Jun10-04, 03:32 PM

Absolutely. Electrons certainly have feelings. So does friction.

Many elementary physics textbooks will preface a problem by stating "Ignore friction."
How long do you think friction will continue to take being ignored by thousands upon thousands of students before it finally snaps, and what will be the consequences?

I think friction doesn't mind being ignored because it understands the twist that is put onto the problem when it is applied so there will be no consequences.

But for a stupid question whats more annoying? A big huge fly buzzing around your head or a bunch of gnats flying around?

Gokul43201

Jun10-04, 03:46 PM

Not very bad at all. You see air resistance is a poor learner (what with all the resistance... ) and never got the hang of big words. It still enjoys strutting about in a transparent negligee.

If there's ever a revolution going to happen among the ill-appreciated physical quantities, it will likely be led by the growingly disgruntled gang of commonplace objects' velocities. They've had a decent time until Alfred Einstein came along and questioned their manhood.

How do you think they feel about being continually (over the last century) referred to as 'small compared to the speed of light' ?

EDIT : IGNORE THIS. I type too slowly...beaten by multiple posts.

Math Is Hard

Jun10-04, 03:47 PM

I am going to defer to your quetion, Gokul. I have deleted my prev post. Your quetion stands as the quetion to be answered.

zoobyshoe

Jun10-04, 05:34 PM

If there's ever a revolution going to happen among the ill-appreciated physical quantities, it will likely be led by the growingly disgruntled gang of commonplace objects' velocities. They've had a decent time until Alfred Einstein came along and questioned their manhood.

How do you think they feel about being continually (over the last century) referred to as 'small compared to the speed of light' ?
Trick quetion. Alfred© Einstein, of course, had nothing to say about the speed of light. Alfred's concerns were gelatinous and purple. As for speed, he had to rely on a stipulation of the speed of a nocturnally roving herd of weird, purple jellyfish in a vaccuum for his calculations, since a real herd in those circumstances would simply explode into a lavender mess.

Since the great bulk of Alfred's ideas came from "thought experiments" (sittengedankenthinkin versuchungen) do you suppose that all the weird, purple jellyfish he experimented upon were experimenting back upon him with sittengedankenthinkin experiments of their own?

Gokul43201

Jun10-04, 06:11 PM

Trick quetion. Alfred© Einstein, of course, had nothing to say about the speed of light. Alfred's concerns were gelatinous and purple. As for speed, he had to rely on a stipulation of the speed of a nocturnally roving herd of weird, purple jellyfish in a vaccuum for his calculations, since a real herd in those circumstances would simply explode into a lavender mess.

Since the great bulk of Alfred's ideas came from "thought experiments" (sittengedankenthinkin versuchungen) do you suppose that all the weird, purple jellyfish he experimented upon were experimenting back upon him with sittengedankenthinkin experiments of their own?

I don't suppose it; I know it. And the result was disastrous. Let me explain...

You see Einstein (borrowing from Finny Descartilage) eventually announced : "I think, therefore you (the weird, purple jellyfish) are." And the weird, purple jellyfish decided (all together, since they're bassons - refer Dr. S. N. Bass) to see what would happen if they performed a Fluvier transform on those words. So they performed it and arrived at : "We are integral, therefore you are imaginary."

And Einstein disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

Since that day, Einstein can be found only in the sittingedankenthinkin experiments of the weird, purple jellyfish.

Isn't it a gigantic pity that this was the end of one of the greatest thinkers to ever be?

jimmy p

Jun10-04, 06:48 PM

Isn't it a gigantic pity that this was the end of one of the greatest thinkers to ever be?

I wouldnt call Alfred Einstein one of the greatest thinkers of all time, if he can be out-smarted by weird purple jellyfish.

Which other great scientists have been out-smarted by weird purple jellyfish and how?

zoobyshoe

Jun10-04, 07:43 PM

Which other great scientists have been out-smarted by weird purple jellyfish and how?
Well, of course there was Aristotle, who completely misunderstood the cause and nature of the weird, purple jellyfish' weirdness, but he was outsmarted by the entire physical world, so that's no surprise. Strangely, though, even Galileo fell down on this quetion because, when trying to devise some sort of scale of weirdness against which to measure any given weird, purple jellyfish, the jellies kept messin' with his head by adopting a level of weirdness equal to wherever they were placed on the scale.

As mentioned earlier in the thread, it wasn't till Isaac Newty, using a prism and rotten apple setup, discovered that every weird, purple jellyfish is composed of a spectrum of weirdness, that galileo's mystification was cleared up. Who, then, though discovered that the presence of a weird, purple jellyfish can induce weirdness in certain, select other things in Nature, and how does that work?

Math Is Hard

Jun11-04, 12:53 AM

That would have been astronomer Tai-bo Brahe who carefully observed jellyfish outside his window while doing his vigorous morning exercises. Brahe discovered first-hand the insane weirdness of purple jellyfish when he challenged one to a duel (over a minor mathematical discrepancy) and it promptly cut off his nose.

Without a nose, how did Brahe smell?

zoobyshoe

Jun11-04, 01:03 AM

Without a nose, how did Brahe smell?
Oh, you think you can tempt me with that easy bait?

Why is it, do you think, that weird, purple jellyfish get so insanely weird when their notions on science are challenged?

Math Is Hard

Jun11-04, 01:22 AM

ha! if I wanted to tempt a Zooby I would simply capture a chicken and teach it to say "koo koo roo, koo roo, I'm a little fat, delicious, lost chicken with a broken leg and can't run very fast, koo koo roo" and then chain it to the fence down at the Peterson farm about 2 km from your brush shelter.

Jellyfish get insanely weird when their science theories are challenged not unlike their human counterparts posting to the Theory Development area of this website. The reason is that they do not have the basic scientific training to back up their wild speculations. This often leads to hostility (read: stings).

How many posters to the Theory Development thread of this website, do you opine, are actually WPJ passing themselves off as human?

zoobyshoe

Jun11-04, 01:39 AM

How many posters to the Theory Development thread of this website, do you opine, are actually WPJ passing themselves off as human?
Hmmmm. The quetion got me thinking and a quick check of a babelfish informed me that "Michio" is a regional, informal word for "jellyfish" in one coastal village on the island of Hokaido, and "Kaku" the name of a berry that grows in the south of Japan, which berry is purple in hue!

Speaking of astronomy, the great telescope at Palomar Mt. here in Ca. gave the world its first glimpse of the amazing jellyfish nebula (located in the constellation Aquarius of course, so it doesn't dry out). The Hubble telescope has afforded even better views of it, and astro-physicists now believe they know what makes up the nebula's amazing tentacles. What is it they think they are made of?

Kacper

Jun11-04, 02:39 PM

Wait quick break. How long is this thread going to last?

Also don't forget to answer the question above though I am supposed to.

Gokul43201

Jun11-04, 03:00 PM

Hmmmm. The quetion got me thinking and a quick check of a babelfish informed me that "Michio" is a regional, informal word for "jellyfish" in one coastal village on the island of Hokaido, and "Kaku" the name of a berry that grows in the south of Japan, which berry is purple in hue!

Speaking of astronomy, the great telescope at Palomar Mt. here in Ca. gave the world its first glimpse of the amazing jellyfish nebula (located in the constellation Aquarius of course, so it doesn't dry out). The Hubble telescope has afforded even better views of it, and astro-physicists now believe they know what makes up the nebula's amazing tentacles. What is it they think they are made of?

Mass-spectrometry shows very convincingly that the tentacles are made of .... sugar ! Well, not exactly sugar....more like a . . . umm, well... a jelly sandwich.

The folks at the Atkins Institute have already released travel advisories for people planning to visit the jellyfish nebula. In fact, they go so far as suggesting that looking in that general direction is the equivalent of licking cake frosting off your fingers after you've washed your hands - an act considered perfectly harmless by the ignorentsia.

Don't you think the low carb revolution is like Armageddon, and we will eventually vanquish all that is evil, simply by shunning the cursed carbs ?

(EDIT : Quote : "How long is this thread going to last ?" There is a theory suggesting the self-annihilation of this thread by the proposal of a non-stupid quetion, but so far, no-one has been able to replicate that condition...or the theory is incorrect - guess we'll never know which it is !)

selfAdjoint

Jun11-04, 03:05 PM

Math Is Hard

Jun11-04, 03:29 PM

Gokul43201

Jun11-04, 03:45 PM

Answers: 1) Kacper: a fly buzzing around 2) Gokul: yes. carbs kill. even 2nd hand carbs kill 3) SA: That was Jellileo Jellili.

Quetion: When I arrive at work, the clock downstairs says 8:45. When I take the elevator up to my floor, the clock on my floor says 8:30. Does this have anything to do with relativity?

No, it just shows how far you'll go to convince yourself that you're not getting to work 15 minutes late. If you want to call that re-late-ivity, be my guest, but I'm sure Alfred is squirming in his sittingedankenthinkin grave...

...which makes me wonder : can thoughts die ?

zoobyshoe

Jun11-04, 04:17 PM

...which makes me wonder : can thoughts die ?
I believe that's a jellysophical quetion which no one here is qualified to tackle. You want to post that in the jellisophy (accent on second syllable) forum.

People who are feeling jellysophical may be on the verge of religious conversion. Check out this site and see if it moves you:
Our Blasted Lady of the Jellyfish
Address:http://www.cyberpsychos.netonecom.net/cnidaria/

Since purple energy makes up 17.4% of dark energy, what percentage of jelly energy have they determined to be made up of weird energy?

FYI: Striped Weird Purple Jellyfish Purple_jellyfish.jpg
Address:http://www.montereyexpress.com/images/Gallery/MikeMillet/Purple_jellyfish.jpg

Ivan Seeking

Jun12-04, 01:22 AM

Since purple energy makes up 17.4% of dark energy, what percentage of jelly energy have they determined to be made up of weird energy?

Known euphemistically as "Weird" energy, Dark-Purple Energy DPE is the essence of not-mass and is believed to comprise not-1 or not-2% of all dark energy [ie not-light energy]. When you have some not-mass, if you add some you have less. Now I always get confused here, if more not is not more, then is less not more not?

zoobyshoe

Jun12-04, 02:26 AM

When you have some not-mass, if you add some you have less. Now I always get confused here, if more not is not more, then is less not more not?
A knotty quetion. But not a naughty one. Less not is not more not. In other words, more not is less more: more naught. Which I still insist is not naughty. Unless you forgot a comma somewhere. I could go on, but sometimes more is less.

Native Americans taught the early settlers that burying a weird, purple jellyfish with each corn seed planted would provide the seed with a water supply that would see it through any dry spells. Likewise they taught that a weird, purple jellyfish worn as a sock inside the mocasin would prevent blisters on long hikes.

Can you think of any other weird, purple jellyfish survival tips we learned from the Native Americans?

Ivan Seeking

Jun12-04, 02:57 AM

We have the purplejellypositories for those rough nights after a long ride on the Pinto.

Purplejellybellies make a great emergency snack food on long hunts.

Does anyone know the PJF-Cowboy connection?

zoobyshoe

Jun12-04, 04:09 AM

Does anyone know the PJF-Cowboy connection?
There's not much to tell, really. Buffalo Bill Cody tried to round up a herd of nocturnally roving weird, purple jellyfish which he planned to train to perform in an act in his Wild West Show, but the wranglers he sent out failed to find a technique for turning the herd, and ended up just squashing a bunch of them when their horses slipped on the squishy critters and fell over. Alot of cowboys got stung that outing.

That reminds me of a strange incident. Once, when I was sitting at an outdoor cafe in Taos, New Mexico, USA, a family approached me timidly, and asked if I would take a picture of them standing in front of the café. It was not a famous café, nor was it particularly intersting. I couldn't understand why they wanted to be photographed in front of it. When I asked, they laughed and said, it wasn't that they wanted to be photographed in front of the café, it was that they wanted to be photographed by me.

When I asked why, they laughed and said, it wasn't that they really wanted to be photographed by me, it was that they wanted me to get off the chair I was sitting on. When I asked why, they laughed and said, it wasn't that they really wanted me to get off the chair, it was that they wanted to see if I had any lint sticking to the back of my shirt.

Why is it a guy can never find a water canon when he needs one?

Ivan Seeking

Jun12-04, 04:23 AM

Zooby, this all goes back to your insults made to the citizens of Taos. When I linked to some discussion of the Taos Hum, you chose to make light of things by referencing a hypothetical Beach Boys song called the Kokomo Hum. To those of us in the know, your experience in Taos was all about payback; they were giving you what's known as a Taos hummer.

What was the final result of a Zooby getting a Taos hummer?

Math Is Hard

Jun12-04, 12:28 PM

Net result was a limerick.

The hummer that Zoob got in Taos,
Turned his whole world quite into chaos,
This is worse, he did complain,
than the hummer I got in Spain,
Worse still than the one I got in Laos.

There's no particular tune for this rhyme. If I hum a few bars, can you fake it?

Ivan Seeking

Jun13-04, 02:05 AM

Then poor Zooby got fleas
“Would you pick these off of me please?
I’m itching and scratching
Those darned eggs are hatching
And flea powder is making me sneeze!"

Next verse?

Math Is Hard

Jun13-04, 04:12 PM

That Zooby got rid of his fleas, sir,
With a magnifying glass and some tweezers.
Like a Saint from the Bible,
He tolerates this libel,
You know he's quite an agreeable geezer.
:smile: :biggrin: :tongue2: :approve: :smile:

Do you think insecure, small-footed Sasquatches fall for SPAM emails that offer to "Improve Your Shoe Size Overnight!" ?

BoulderHead

Jun13-04, 04:34 PM

Do you think insecure, small-footed Sasquatches fall for SPAM emails that offer to "Improve Your Shoe Size Overnight!" ?
Yes, they have been fleeced so thoroughly as to become indistinguishable from all other computer users.

What is the principal difference between a Gnome and a Hobbit ?

Ivan Seeking

Jun13-04, 05:29 PM

Gnome • noun: a legendary creature resembling a tiny old man; lives in the depths of the earth and guards buried treasure

Hobbit: • noun: an imaginary being similar to a person but smaller and with hairy feet; invented by J.R.R. Tolkien

Gnomes have buried treasure and hobbits have hairy feet.
Also, Leonard Nimoy never sang a song about Gnomes.

Why do those disgusting gnomes have so many dirty hobbits?

Tom McCurdy

Jun13-04, 05:46 PM

Because the hairy feet protect their treasure.

Why do people like moving gifs so much?

zoobyshoe

Jun13-04, 06:34 PM

Why do people like moving gifs so much?
I'm not sure your premise is correct. Most people I know do not like moving anything. I have never enjoyed moving anything, really. Sometimes I have to move brush around here, at the zoobie brush shelter, but I don't particularly enjoy having to do it.

I am visited by critters, sometimes, here at the zoobie brush shelter. Racoons, skunks, possums, lizards, stray kitties. Loose dogs skulk by, sometimes. Once a stray republican skulked by.

What interesting wildlife pops up in your back yard?

Ivan Seeking

Jun13-04, 08:38 PM

Heck, wildlife??? We call that dinner! Stay away from wild Republicans though - too stringy.

Which brings to mind a point of taste for an upcoming dinner party: Which goes better with skunk; red wine or white?

selfAdjoint

Jun13-04, 08:57 PM

zoobyshoe

Jun13-04, 09:34 PM

How do you filet a skunk?
However you do it, don't neglect to notice the recipe mentions the terms "out of doors" and "HAZMAT suit".

That reminds me of a strange story. Once, when I was sitting at an outdoor café in the city of San Francisco, Ca. USA, an aurally impaired person approached me, and handed me a small card on which was printed the alphabet with each letter's sign language equivalent next to it, and on the reverse side of the card it said:

"I am not deaf. This is a stickup. Give me all the money in your wallet or I will begin to grunt and cry very loudly and point at you. This is a crowded public area. Do yourself a favor, and avoid embarrassment."

Whereupon, I looked up at the man in astonishment, studying his face. "Shooby?" I said. His jaw dropped. "Zooby?" he querried.

It was my old friend, Shooby Zoo, former partner in crime. We had pulled this same stunt a million times together back in the day.

What is the best way for old friends to celebrate such a surprise reunion?

edit: The spoonerism "Shooby Zoo"© is the creation of PF Member and weird, purple jellyfish, Math Is Hard.

Ivan Seeking

Jun13-04, 10:02 PM

First I would expect a lot of chest beating and hooting. Then, go out for a few bananas at the swingers bars. Next, harass the stupid apes at the zoo. Finally, hang out at the museum of natural history and pose as a stuffed zooby and a stuffed shooby and scare the heck out of the visitors. End the day by picking up some Zooby babes.

What exactly makes a female Zooby a babe?

zoobyshoe

Jun13-04, 10:20 PM

What exactly makes a female Zooby a babe?
If a zoobie looks at her and goes "YOWIE!", she's a babe.

Hey, it just occured to me that if Ivan ever found anything he'd have to change his name. What do you suppose he'd change it to?

Tsu

Jun14-04, 04:01 AM

Ivan FinallyFoundIt!!!! :surprise: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

What did Ivan find? :wink: :rofl:

wasteofo2

Jun14-04, 11:18 AM

Ivan FinallyFoundIt!!!! :surprise: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

What did Ivan find? :wink: :rofl:
The key to intelectual fattening of the pancreatic knowledge of course.

How did Robert Johnson really die?

jimmy p

Jun14-04, 11:27 AM

How did Robert Johnson really die?

He insulted a Zooby's girlfriend and the rest is history... just like him..

What would Ivan change his name to if he had Zooby fleas on him after he had petted a Zooby and a Shooby at the natural history museum?

Math Is Hard

Jun14-04, 12:19 PM

Ivan Scratching.

Why is it that peppermint tastes good mixed with chocolate and chocolate tastes good mixed with peanut butter - but peppermint doesn't taste good mixed with peanut butter?

Gokul43201

Jun14-04, 01:03 PM

For the same reason that I can happily walk barefoot over a giant, robotic platform made of tungsten, and the giant , robotic platform can happily walk barefoot over a bed of hot coals, but ... you know !

"tastes good with" and "walk barefoot over" can be treated as mathematical structures known as relations. In particular, "tastes good with" is called a symmetric relation since ' ice-cream tastes good with chicken curry' (what ? you should try it...) implies that 'chicken curry tastes good with ice-cream'. However, it is not a transitive relation, causing the choco-peanut-mint logic to fail.

Do you think Hindu Yogis are mathematical wizards since they can force the "walk barefoot over" relation to be transitive ?

zoobyshoe

Jun14-04, 10:07 PM

Do you think Hindu Yogis are mathematical wizards since they can force the "walk barefoot over" relation to be transitive ?
No, because they can't: the peculiar truth is, they become disoriented and fearful when faced with the challenge of transversing tungsten robot platforms.

Recently I encountered a gentlman who asked if I would save all the hair that collected in my hairbrush for him. When I asked why, he replied that he planned to build a boat out of old hairbrush hair. When I asked why, he responded that he wanted to prove that, with enough ingenuity, you could build a boat out of anything. He said he had already built practical boats from old v-belts, pencil shavings, audio speakers, old camera lenses, and chicken feet. So I said that I thought once he had succeeded with the chicken feet he must have proved his point beyond any doubt, and ought probably to move on to he next project. He considered that, and said he thought I was probably right. He asked me to save the hair anyway, since he was also thinking about opening a Starbucks.

Anyone have a clue what that meant?

Ivan Seeking

Jun14-04, 11:10 PM

Washable coffee filters.

There is another possiblity. I have noticed that if you grind up your hair in the coffee grinder it looks a lot like coffee. It looked so much like coffee that I tried making some coffee with it. I had to use a little extra sugar but otherwise it was quite tasty. Then I tried adding some hair conditioner, just for kicks. Boy, Tsu thought that was really funny.

Has anyone else tried this?

zoobyshoe

Jun15-04, 12:51 AM

Has anyone else tried this?
No. I think you stand alone in that particular school of creativity.

In a book I have entitled Inexplicably Mysterious Enigmas of the Unknown a report from 1930 tells of a sighting of two large dark clouds near lake Loch Lochy in Scotland. The report ends there. I reread it several times failing to see the point.

Seeking expert advice, I called Art Bell, who snapped at me "Maybe we're all living in a post-nuclear burned out world, and everything you think you see is an hallucination!"I apologized for interrupting his drinking binge, and hung up.
Baffled, I thought I'd get my mind off it. I pulled the kitchen garbage bag out of its container and proceeded out to the dumpster. Suddenly, there in the sky, I noticed two dark clouds.

Comments? Explanations? Donations?

Ivan Seeking

Jun15-04, 01:06 AM

Comments? Explanations? Donations?

In a thread entitled Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer a post from Zoobyshoe tells of a sighting of two large dark clouds near lake Loch Lochy in Scotland. The report ends there. I reread it several times failing to see the point. Suddenly, there in the sky, I noticed two dark clouds.

Oh my god! Don' t read this! Don't look up! What...

zoobyshoe

Jun15-04, 03:11 AM

In a thread entitled Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer a post from Zoobyshoe tells of a sighting of two large dark clouds near lake Loch Lochy in Scotland. The report ends there. I reread it several times failing to see the point. Suddenly, there in the sky, I noticed two dark clouds.

Oh my god! Don' t read this! Don't look up! What...
Perhaps the most incoherent post since the Mr. Robin Parsons/Firefly war of incoherence.

In a book I have entitled Unexplainable and Enigmatic Tales of the Unknown and Mysterious there is a report from 1930 concerning twin brothers separated at the age of 40 who were miraculously reunited by sheer coincidence at age 41 only to discover that they had no interests whatever in common anymore.

In a similar story from 1988, identical twin sisters were separated by circumstances beyond their control at age 37 and spent the rest of their lives in the vain hope that one day they might completely forget about the existence of the other.

A third tale tells of twin chickens, Martha and Mary McClucky, born from a double yolked egg, who were separated at age one year and six months and formed the main dish of two separate, tasty meals.

What is it about twins and coincidences?

Tsu

Jun15-04, 05:22 AM

Well, I had a set of fraternal twins for friends when I was a kid and before they moved to my town, they lived in SAUDI!! :surprise:

How't THAT for a coincidence? :wink:

zoobyshoe

Jun15-04, 07:27 PM

Well, I had a set of fraternal twins for friends when I was a kid and before they moved to my town, they lived in SAUDI!! :surprise:

How't THAT for a coincidence? :wink:
A real show stopper.

In a book I have, entitled Unknown Mysterious Weirdly Enigmatic Non-Explainable Tales of the Strange there is a report from 1954 concerning a man who ingested a special mixture of Island herbs and fish glands and proceeded to systematically hynotize himself to obey his every order. This story, you may know, was the basis for the 1965 hit film I Am My Own Zombie directed by Roger Corman, and starring Jack Nicholson, in one of his early roles, miscast as the miscast Shakespearian actor, Rupert C. Ptolomy, who was cast as Hamlet when he should have been playing Polonius. Since Nicholson would be unsuitable for both Hamlet and Polonius, he was miscast as the miscast actor, and the viewing audience never feels much sympathy when the auto-zombie stalks him. Regardless, Corman, due to budget restraints, was forced to ignore some of the most fascinating aspects of the historical truth from which he borrowed his plot. Name and describe at least one incident he was unable to include in his film.

Gokul43201

Jun15-04, 08:17 PM

He found it hard to show - in the film - that a self hypnotized being is neither awake nor asleep, but in a superposition of these 2 states. Eventually, an external perturbation, such as a falling bucket of water or a falling bucket of bricks causes the being to collapse into one of the states.

How is a zombie-state different from an Eigenstate ?

zoobyshoe

Jun15-04, 09:26 PM

How is a zombie-state different from an Eigenstate ?
Eigenstates are discrete. In a zombie-state, however, a person might shoot their mouth off at the drop of a hat without thinking about it.

I a book I have, entitled Uncanny Tales of the Unconventional, Remarkable, and Peculiar, there is a report from 1887 in which it is told that a crowd of people waiting for a train in Hogsbutt, Arkansas, USA all witnessed one of their number begin to dance around the train platform in an unconventional, remarkable, and peculiar manner, for no apparent reason and with no music being heard in the vicinity. The gentleman was, at first, suspected of being intoxicated or insane, but after about 5 minutes of this behaviour he was heard to utter: "I'm Johnycake Johny! That's What I am! I'm Johnycake Johny!", whereupon he leaped up into the air, and kept going untill he was no longer visible.

Later in the book, in another chapter, the story is told of a man sitting at a table outside a Café in 1972, in the city of Paris, France, who, about to take a sip of his expresso, was started out of his wits by the sight of a man descending from the sky without the benefit of vehicle or parachutte, dressed in 1880's clothing, and who, upon reaching the street, turned and walked calmly away, betraying no hint he was aware that he'd just accomplished anything special.

I was bothered by the fact the editors of the book had not noticed the obvious connection between the two tales, and had placed them in separate categories of unconventional, remarkable, peculiarity. Why aren't these people paying attention?

Gokul43201

Jun16-04, 05:08 PM

Obvious connection ? What obvious connection ? Clearly this is just a zooby trick - playing with our heads.

Am I the only one, or does everone else see some "obvious" connection between the tales ?

Ivan Seeking

Jun16-04, 09:06 PM

Obvious connection ? What obvious connection ? Clearly this is just a zooby trick - playing with our heads.

Am I the only one, or does everone else see some "obvious" connection between the tales ?

The connection is obvious: This is a case of a rogue, not-mass tenticlet of a weird purple jellyfish - a R,NMTOAWPJ.

Euphemistically known as R,NMTOAWPJ.1, :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: ,oh my, but don't get me going...anyway...it is thought to be comprised of goo-ons and to complete the model for the newly discovered "weird" quark, as well as its counterpart the "psychotic" quark.

The model predicts that whenever not-mass encounters mass, such as with our friend from 1887 and what clearly was a R,NMTOAWPJ, a goo-hole is formed which connects 1887 to 1972. Why these two years are involved nobody knows but they always are. So, I think we can be certain that this was a case of spacetime sliming caused by a goo-hole.

What I don’t understand is the 1887 / 1972 connection. Why do goo-holes only have pustules [nodes] at these two points in slimetime?

zoobyshoe

Jun16-04, 09:37 PM

What I don’t understand is the 1887 / 1972 connection. Why do goo-holes only have pustules [nodes] at these two points in slimetime?
Behind closed doors, and under guard, there is a team of physicists, engineers, slime/time theorists, and bakers at work trying to fathom this very quetion. The answer is tentativly believed to be mysteriously encoded somewhere in the recipe for johnycake.

In a book I have, entitled Experimental Time/Slime Demonstrations Of Chaotic Laboratory Setups For The Simian, Marsupial, and Homo Sapien Home Testing Of Goo-Hole Nodes there is described a simple, easy means for determining the johnycake constant j of any chaotic system using some common vinegar, baking soda, the kitchen stove, a straw, and a refrigerator magnet. However, it warns the stove should only be used with parental permission and supervision.

This raises the quetion: how many jellyphysics discoveries do you suppose have been lost to posterity because of physicists parents refusing them permission to use the kitchen stove?

Ivan Seeking

Jun16-04, 10:57 PM

This raises the quetion: how many jellyphysics discoveries do you suppose have been lost to posterity because of physicists parents refusing them permission to use the kitchen stove?

In the famous Goo-Dell Incompletelness Theorem, Goo posits that johnycake conservation makes moot the famous "Kitchen Debates". This all gets down to a simple fact that we expect an equal and opposite reaction.

So, given that constant johnycakes not only ensures but is in fact a measure of the chaos of a system, isn't the johnycake really just the old hyperweirdpurplejellyfishattractor with goo added?

Math Is Hard

Jun16-04, 11:09 PM

Ivan Seeking

Jun16-04, 11:21 PM

Why, no, Ivan, even first year jellyphysics students know that if you add goo you will also have to add the opposite of goo, else you forfeit symmetry.

Speaking of Goo, along with the direction of goo flow, what are some other mistakes first year jellyphysics students make about goo?

I would say that they falsely assume that goo-symmetry is preserved.

Why is goo-symmetry not preserved, now that is an interesting question.

Math Is Hard

Jun16-04, 11:47 PM

Goo symmetry is only preserved in the presence of Oog particles according to Mack Swell's liquations, which states that the degradation of goo symmetry, precipitated by the abscence of oog, results in an icky liquid mess.

Why did Swell's wife leave him after only 3 months of marriage?

BoulderHead

Jun17-04, 12:00 AM

Why did Swell's wife leave him after only 3 months of marriage?
His goo producers were unsymmetrical.

Did Mack feel Swell after being dumped by his wife?

zoobyshoe

Jun17-04, 03:07 AM

Did Mack feel Swell after being dumped by his wife?
Matter of fact, he felt great. He'd been trying to get rid of her since the wedding night when he discovered she had a disagreeable habit of dancing around the bedroom in an unconventional, remarkable, and peculiar manner after mating.

In a book I have, entitled The Interesting, Heartwarming, Bizzarre, Iconolastic, and Porcine Life of Mack Swell it relates the poignant tale from his childhood of being ridiculed in front of all the other children for his clumsiness with math. Determined to overcome this deficiency, he selected small stones from a riverbank, put them in his mouth, and proceeded to practise reciting the times tables out loud untill he could pronounce them perfectly in spite of the stones.
Since his perfected pronounciation only made the fact that he had memorized the tables incorrectly all the more clear, he had merely made himself easier to ridicule. Realizing then, it wasn't enough to pronounce them well, but that you also had to get the multiplication correct, was a stunning realization for Mack, and from there on everything fell perfectly into place, allowing for his eventual mathematical contributions to Jellyphysics, without which it would have stalled and gone nowhere.

Where, exactly, did it go?

BoulderHead

Jun17-04, 11:07 AM

Where, exactly, did it go?
It went over to Matt the Mortician’s place where Swell had learned so much. Mack Swell went on to develop his mathematical skills so well that later Matt the Mortician, studying the liquations, could not help but be impressed…

What influence might that famous polished corn jewelry maker Kentuckian, Kernel Sander, have had on Mack Swell had it been possible for them to have known each other?

Gokul43201

Jun17-04, 11:29 AM

Their collaboration could well have resulted in the physical realization of those currently abstract mathematical structures known as popcorn jelly.

Popcorn jelly is hypothsized to exist in packets of 10 and 20 only. These popcorn jelly, along with the quarks and goo-ons form the holy trinity of fundamental jellicles, as proposed by the famous Jellicle Jellycist, Murray Jellman.

Did you know that Chineyman had proposed the existence of popcorn jelly quite independently of Jellman (but he called them Jolly poppers) ?

Math Is Hard

Jun18-04, 01:31 AM

I believe he actually called them Jorry Poppa, and you could get a pint of them free with Dollar Chicken at 3 a.m. at Hong's 24 Hour Dim Sum if you asked for the "special", which also included after-hours booze ("special tea") if you knew the secret code.

What was the secret code to request the "special"?

Math Is Hard

Jun20-04, 02:53 AM

OK, I suppose I've asked a question that I can only answer, since I am privy to this information.
The answer is: you order the "johnnycakes".

If you order johnnycakes at any other restaurant, what will you get?

zoobyshoe

Jun20-04, 04:45 AM

If you order johnnycakes at any other restaurant, what will you get?
If you are male, and the waitperson is female, you will get Johnnycakes. If you are male and the waitperson is male, you will get Johnycakes. If you are female and the waitperson is female, you will get johnycakes, but if you are female and the wait person is male you will get johhnycakes. The distinctions can be subtle.

Which brings us, logically, to General Jellitivity, a subject so massive we haven't yet had the opportunity to look at it. General Jellitivity is, of course, primarily about grabity. Grabity is that force by which all gelatinous mass reaches out and grabs all other gelatinous mass. At least in Newty-onian terms. Jellileo concieved of this as a reaching out and shaking of big invisible hands with a resultant drawing together. Newty, though, though some more about it and decided it had a more clumsy, groping quality to it, but he simply may have been in a state of irritation after his head reached up and grabbed an apple drawing it back too quickly. Alfred E. came along with General Jellitivity and proposed that space/time had the general "curved" shape of the jellyfish, and that this jellyfish shaped spacetime surrounded all mass. Grabity no longer was viewed as a grab at all, but a constant sliding down the curved inner wall of a slick, wet, giant jellyfish. Why did anyone find this to be an improvement?

Gokul43201

Jun20-04, 12:21 PM

Because it explained why blackholes - the place that all matter will eventually go to - are black. You see, if you take enough matter and slide it down the slick inner wall of the jellyfish, you could suddenly find that you've exceeded the Hand-shaker Limit (this was deduced using Newty-onian methods; hence, the name) of that jellyfish. This causes the giant jellyfish to undergo a most singular transformation into a giant squid - which immediately upon creation, releases all the excess ink formed by the destruction of all that matter. This ink-covered squid is what is known as a blackhole.

Is Albert E. really different from Alfred E., the only true understander of the behavior of nocturnally roving herds of weird purple jellyfish ?

Math Is Hard

Jun21-04, 01:07 AM

Albert and Alfred were second cousins and boyhood friends who were separated by a bitter feud between their two branches of the family. To this day no one remembers what caused the rift but each side of the family refers the other side as "those Einsteins". The fact that Albert's overwhelming success eclipsed the work and research of Alfred has only thrown gas on the fire. Alfred's family is particularly touchy, as I have cautioned Zooby, about people accidentally crediting Albert with Alfred's work. They keep a small team of lawyers on retainer.

Many years before the feud began, young Albert and young Alfred found a huge dead purple Jellyfish washed up on the beach. They began having a playful tug-of-war with the thing and noticed it was extremely elastic and they had stretched it out to nearly the size of a bedsheet. Curious Albert wanted to see how strong the material was so he asked his father to come over and place his bowling ball in the middle of the taut, stretched purple sheet.
Alfred's eyes lit up.
What had he realized at that moment?

Better question: What was Albert's father doing with a bowling ball at the beach?

zoobyshoe

Jun21-04, 01:25 AM

Alfred's eyes lit up.
What had he realized at that moment?
Alfred had realized that one could both obviate nocturnal incontinence and create the perfect bed trampoline at the same time. He realized and patented this invention later in life, and it was the source of a financial windfall worth tens of cents in today's money.
Better question: What was Albert's father doing with a bowling ball at the beach?
He'd abandoned bowling so the ball was to become ballast in a beautiful boat.

Try as I might, I can't get a handle on all the units of measurement one encounters in Jellyphysics. I tend to confuse units of jellipotentiality with units of jellimosity with units of jellisticity and so on. Anyone got any of these sorted out properly in their head?

Gokul43201

Jun21-04, 11:14 AM

Try as I might, I can't get a handle on all the units of measurement one encounters in Jellyphysics. I tend to confuse units of jellipotentiality with units of jellimosity with units of jellisticity and so on. Anyone got any of these sorted out properly in their head?

Some. Jellipotentiality is measured in jellictron jolts. Quantities involved in jellisticity are the poisonous ratio, the jellistic modulus, the jellistic limit, and the jello point. The poisonous ratio (discovered jointly by Alfred and Albert - their only collaborative work) is the ratio of reduction of diameter of a jellyfish to the increase in its length, and it unitless. The jello point is defined as the amount of squish required to convert a jellyfish to the physical equivalent of a bowl of jello (minus the bowl). This, as well as the jellistic limit and modulus are measured in squishes (English equivalent : Newty-tonnes.

I've heard of jellicosity, which is a measure of the meanness (sometimes confused with bellicosity, which is aggressiveness) of a jellyfish (see post#1004, pg#67 for explanation of E=mc^2), but what the jell (jell (n) : final resting place of bad, undersized jellyfish; origin : spanish) is jellimosity ?

jimmy p

Jun21-04, 12:11 PM

I've heard of jellicosity, which is a measure of the meanness (sometimes confused with bellicosity, which is aggressiveness) of a jellyfish (see post#1004, pg#67 for explanation of E=mc^2), but what the jell (jell (n) : final resting place of bad, undersized jellyfish; origin : spanish) is jellimosity ?

Jellimosity is a term derived in the late 40's when refridgerated particle physics was split into 3 groups. It is basically "the rivallry between Jelliphysics, Goophysics, and the sub-group Playdometry.

The three fundamental particles which have seperated this branch of physics are the Jellitron, Goodron and Playdough. What are the properties of each particle?

Gokul43201

Jun21-04, 02:36 PM

The most distinguishing property of the jellitrons is their taste (some purists like the word 'flavor'). Jellitrons taste fabulous, but I really couldn't care much for the goodrons or the playdoughs.

What's a non sequitur, and why is it two words ?

zoobyshoe

Jun21-04, 09:54 PM

What's a non sequitur, and why is it two words ?
And it is for that reason that young Alfred never learned to do ciphers with his left foot.

I can't get the image of young Alfred and Albert there on the beach, prodding the weird, purple jellyfish with sticks, ruminating over what made it tick, already, at the tender age of eight, sporting the white moustache and wild hair that were their hallmarks in old age. But since they only had one moustache between them, and Alfred commandeered it for most of their childhood (untill he was pressured into relinquishing it to Albert), whose moustache was Alfred wearing in the photographs taken of him during the remaining years of his life?

Gokul43201

Jun22-04, 11:37 AM

But since they only had one moustache between them, and Alfred commandeered it for most of their childhood (untill he was pressured into relinquishing it to Albert), whose moustache was Alfred wearing in the photographs taken of him during the remaining years of his life?

Trick quetion : there are no later years' photographs of Alfred. We all know that he vaporized one beautiful summer day, when he was sitting at Danken's (the local ice cream parlor), and thinking about weird, purple jellyfish, between spoonfulls of blackberry ice cream. There were several eyewitnesses that will, to this day, recount to you how the ice cream swallowed einstein (it's a relative thing) or how the end of his spoon spontaneously heated up to a temperature of several thousand kelvin, for long enough to just incinerate poor Alfred. Anyway it's quite certain there were no photographs of him taken after that day.

The curious thing though is that all the eyewitnesses also recall seeing Alfred wipe his moustache repeatedly - especially just before he said something like "I think, therefore you are!" ("Ich denke, folglich bestehen Sie"). So the quetion still remains, eh ?

Math Is Hard

Jun23-04, 03:29 AM

I would suggest then it was a "moo-stache" rather than a mustache observed on his upper lip. It was the thick pinkish-white remnants of blackberry ice-cream and his standard milk chaser which he repeatedly wiped away.

If Alfred said "I think, therefore you are" and Alfred no longer is, then, am I is?

zoobyshoe

Jun24-04, 07:56 AM

If Alfred said "I think, therefore you are" and Alfred no longer is, then, am I is?
I think so.

Which brings a strange recollection of mine to mind: once, when I was slithering in the fashion of an alarmed salamander through the cold wet, fallen fall leaves, on a forest floor in a Vermont wood, after having nearly been discovered trying to abscond with one of a certain Mr. Barker's bushel baskets of apples, I happened upon a granite slab buried in the leaves. There was nothing special in particular about this, since ancient glaciers left granite slabs and boulders strewn all over New England, but this one seemed to be covered with remarkable symbols.

It looked like nothing less than a language. Perhaps composed of ideograms. Perhaps it was phonetic, I couldn't say. I couldn't say if the lines should be read left to right or up to down. I couldn't say if it were indo-european or sino-mongolian. I couldn't say if it I were even looking at it right side up. All I can say is that it looked to be an artifact, with human intellect behind it.

Curious, I put my back into it and flipped the slab over to see if there was more on the other side.

Just then, an alarmed salamander slithered away through the cold, wet fallen fall leaves on the forest floor, like some schoolboy crawling on all fours away from the farmer whose apples he'd just tried to steal.

I suddenly felt reduced to something like a figure in an M.C. Escher drawing.

How do you suppose that happened?

SEG9585

Jun24-04, 07:22 PM

You were shrunk by the machine from "Honey I shrunk the kids" and was lying down on an Escher drawing, when someone stepped on you. Hence, you became part of the drawing.

Whats the maximum temperature possible before energy starts to decompose into somethin that isnt energy?

Gokul43201

Jun24-04, 08:25 PM

Oh, this is T_{MJ}, the jellyfish melting temperature (not the temperature of the "black-or-white body radiation" - but that's a different story). At this temperature, the inside curved surface of the jellyfish becomes undefined, and hence gravity disappears. Actually, it is believed that the entire gravitational potential energy of the system morphs into a state of general uneasiness. (This is more confusing than a state of general relativity.)

Do you know how difficult it is to determine the properties of this state ?

Rahmuss

Jun24-04, 09:15 PM

Y is Mas Elivashun not listd hear? End how miny thymes wil it knead too bee? Whuts a fork four?

Trancid

Jun24-04, 09:59 PM

Duh, a fork is used to get some sense out of the rubbish you made....

Can anyone translate what our dear friend Rahmuss said above here???

Marzright

Jun24-04, 10:40 PM

Can you see the upside down question mark I use for my nose?
(in the tittle)

Ahhh, but more seriousle. I thought there was no such thing as a stupid question, because we are all reaching out the what we make as the new edge of are ignorance.
Mabe there are just stupid awsers. Ex: thats a stupid question.

If we think its a stupid question, I'm thinking we alread understand it and just think its simple. Or we dont understand it at all. Mabe you can seriousle have a question outa place.... WEll the other day well doing my medical studies we (my class) were talking about forms of application of medicine, my teacher asked "does anyone know what a plaster is" and I asked "your not talking about the building supplie are you?" I got a Timmy Tally for that one, so I guess I took us back in a loop.

Is my form of writting to self richious?

zoobyshoe

Jun24-04, 10:44 PM

Reminder:

The game has a form. When posting you first answer the quetion posed in the post preceeding yours. Then you may pose a new stupid quetion.

Math Is Hard

Jun25-04, 12:07 AM

Do you know how difficult it is to determine the properties of this state ?

If we go alphabetically, this is somewhat harder to determine than the properties of the state of California and slightly easier to determine than the state of Euphoria. Simpson's error bound yields +/- 0.000675 for this.

Back in the day when my eating habits were less-cautious, I sometimes used a utensil provided by a popular fast-food vendor that was touted as part spoon and part fork. I have often wondered what the marketing advantage was for calling this a "spork" rather than a "foon". Can you explain?

Moonbear

Jun25-04, 01:53 AM

I have often wondered what the marketing advantage was for calling this a "spork" rather than a "foon". Can you explain?

It's quite well known that 'foon is a contraction for "buffoon." According to the neighbors of the inventor, his wife was heard screaming one night, "You 'foon, what sort of useless contraption have you made this time? Get out of my house you worthless, piece of {bleep}! You'll send us to the poor house yet with these useless inventions of yours!" That same night, she tossed all his junk out onto the front lawn and torched his collection of useless inventions. Being overly sensitive about being called a 'foon from then onward, he decided to call the invention the spork.

Speaking of inventions, a most popular example in hypothetical scenarios is the widget. What exactly is a widget?

Gokul43201

Jun25-04, 02:36 AM

A widget is the guy that gets most badly beaten up in school. He is a combination of a wimp and a midget.

I always escaped getting beaten up in school because I had mastered Oiler's Method. Whenever some bully came to beat me up, I would cooly inform him that I was a master of the Oiler Method, and he would run away in shame and frustration. Anyone else use this for getting out of tight spots ?

bootsam

Jun25-04, 03:06 PM

KY and a wink usually does it for me.

Finhed

Jun25-04, 04:26 PM

KY and a wink usually does it for me

so is it the entire state of Kentucky you like? :tongue2:

zoobyshoe

Jun25-04, 04:43 PM

I always escaped getting beaten up in school because I had mastered Oiler's Method. Whenever some bully came to beat me up, I would cooly inform him that I was a master of the Oiler Method, and he would run away in shame and frustration. Anyone else use this for getting out of tight spots ?
No. I was that bully.

How have things veered from stupid quetions to idiotic chatter?

Math Is Hard

Jun25-04, 04:50 PM

zoobyshoe

Jun25-04, 05:01 PM

stupid quetions, like most things in nature, follow their own cycle, I guess.

Speaking of cycles, is it true that nocturnally roving jellyfish tend to "Spring Forward" onto the land in Spring, and "Fall Back" into the ocean in the Fall?
It's more like "Slither forward" and "Slide back".

How is it that on some computer monitors the cleverly misspelled, and clearly phrased thread title "Ask a Stupid Quetion, Get a Stupid Answer" seems to read as "Post Random Idiotic Chatter, Especially If It's Not Funny"?

Math Is Hard

Jun25-04, 05:18 PM

Simple. It's what us IT folk call a PEBKAC.

The biggest drawback to using Oiler's method on a bully, is that you will tend to underestimate the bully. It's also a rather long process that involves stopping, making a correction, and re-estimating the bully, until the bully oftentimes will flee out of boredom rather than shame.
What are some other ways of dealing with bullies that mathematicians and physicists might employ?

zoobyshoe

Jun25-04, 06:30 PM

What are some other ways of dealing with bullies that mathematicians and physicists might employ?
Most resort to cutting deals concerning homework. Some, less realistic ones, try to convince themselves that the bully, being taller and heavier, exists in a different inertial frame whose time is dilated enough that he'll be too slow to hurt them. That doesn't much work.

Recently I was fortunate enough to be the originator of the newest addition to the English Language, the neologism: schrephimacious. However, the exertion of creating this word left me exhausted with no energy left to forge a meaning for it. Would anyone care to supply a definition for it?

Gokul43201

Jun26-04, 02:39 PM

schrephimacious : (adj.) showing properties of, or exhibiting the behavior of the class of brick-laying organisms known as the schrephimasons (Etymology - new zoobic) (pronunciation : scruffy-may-shus; click the ((@)) to hear pronunciation)

eg : A bunch of the olden dudes tried to build a Tower (of Babble or watchamacallit) to the Sun, in a schrephimacious manner.

also see schrephimaciously (adv.) : in a schrephimacious manner

eg : A bunch of the olden dudes tried to build a tower (of Babble or watchamacallit) to the Sun, schrephimaciously.

and also, if you're really into this kinda thing, see schrephimason (n.) : class of brick-laying organism (pronunciation : scruffy-mason)

Additional note : your sound player is intermittently malfunctioning.

What was the whole problem with this Tower of Babble (or watchamacallit) ?

Rahmuss

Jun26-04, 05:44 PM

Can anyone translate what our dear friend Rahmuss said above here???

Y is Mas Elivashun not listd hear? =
Why is Mass Elivation not listed here?

End how miny thymes wil it knead too bee? =
And how many times will it need to be?

Whuts a fork four? =
What's a fork for?

The meaning of which is meaningless, which is what this discussion is all about.
:biggrin:

zoobyshoe

Jun26-04, 06:25 PM

What was the whole problem with this Tower of Babble (or watchamacallit) ?
Apparently (although I wasn't there, myself) Old King Berhardarrabi sent out a bunch of clay tablets to anyone and everyone who'd ever visited Babylon. The tower was mentioned as one of the most visited tourist attractions in the city. So all these classless tourist types started showing up out of nowhere to gawk at the tower. Alot of them started to scrawl graffiti. The schreffimasons were polite at first, then they got a bit snappy toward the vandalistic tourists. The tourists, however, didn't get the schreffimasons occupational jargon, and considered it to be gibberish. They went home reporting that the builders of the tower were babling. That's the version that got written down. The tower never got finished, of course, because the tourists kept kicking parts of it over.

I recently noticed that my sound player is intermittantly malfunctioning. Checking inside, I discovered several gremlins cavorting. I have placed them in a recently vacated hamster cage, but they seem to have no desire to run their excess energy off on the wheel. Instead, they seem determined to discover a way to make the wheel squeek as loudly as physics will permit. Thinking about it, that's probably what I should really have expected. What should I do with them?

Gokul43201

Jun26-04, 06:41 PM

Keep the gremlins safe till there's a war...and then drop them on the enemy. This may sound like crazy advise but this is just how WWII was won. The RAF pilots were finding loud screeching noises and other strange anomalies with their planes and electronics. It took a while before they found that the mischief was due to a bunch of gremlins in the works. Immediately realizing the destructive power of the gremlins, they collected them all up and dropped them on the Nazis.

Why didn't the Americans drop gremlins on the Japanese ?

zoobyshoe

Jun26-04, 06:56 PM

Why didn't the Americans drop gremlins on the Japanese ?
This was tried but, it turned out that the fine art of gremlin handling was part and parcel of the ancient samurai tradition. They didn't even blink.

Thinking I'd gotten lucky in a crowded neighborhood this morning, I started to turn into what appeared to be the last empty parking spot within ten miles, only to find someone had left a kitty parked there. It doesn't seem right that a kitty can legally take up a whole parking space, does it?

plover

Jun26-04, 08:11 PM

I never thought it was right that a kitty should take up a whole computer keyboard, but does that stop them?

If you look at larger and larger areas for which it holds that the set { X | X is a parking spot, not occupied(X)=car } contains only one element (call it P), the chance that occupied(P)=kitty approaches 1. Follows directly from the axioms defining kitty.

When you leave the kitty, do you know when to walk away and when to run?

zoobyshoe

Jun26-04, 08:43 PM

When you leave the kitty, do you know when to walk away and when to run?
I do not generally know, no. Therefore I slither away in the fashion of an alarmed salamander.

One time I found a kitty sitting there with an addressed, stamped envelope it its mouth. Should I have:

a.) Mailed the letter?

b.) Mailed the letter and the kitty?

c.) Mailed the kitty?

d.) Mailed myself?

selfAdjoint

Jun26-04, 09:12 PM

I do not generally know, no. Therefore I slither away in the fashion of an alarmed salamander.

One time I found a kitty sitting there with an addressed, stamped envelope it its mouth. Should I have:

a.) Mailed the letter?

b.) Mailed the letter and the kitty?

c.) Mailed the kitty?

d.) Mailed myself?

Obviously you should have refreshed the kitty-letter. (You knew that was coming!)

Assuming you mailed yourself, what would the return address be?

Ivan Seeking

Jun27-04, 06:11 PM

All of my mail goes out with The White House as a return address.

So what do you think the president does with my stuff?

jimmy p

Jun27-04, 06:41 PM

So what do you think the president does with my stuff?

... well only the classiest toilet paper is used in the White House.

I always send a letter off to Santa Claus at Christmas telling him I have been good and give him a list of what I want. He never delivers what I want though. Why is this so?

Math Is Hard

Jun27-04, 07:16 PM

Damn! I knew the day would come when we would have to have this talk with Jimmy P. Our little Chopnik is growing up.

OK, who wants to explain it to him?

BoulderHead

Jun27-04, 07:25 PM

Not me!
Ok, ok, the truth is that entire lot is illiterate and Santa’s simply been winging it all these years, hoping nobody would notice…

What’s up with the tooth fairy these days?

Moonbear

Jun27-04, 08:07 PM

The Tooth Fairy ran off with one of Santa's helpers, and rumor has it they've taken over the whole syndicate. Apparently they've been extorting the Easter Bunny to buy chocolate eggs from only their supplier or risk having some compromising photos of him and Cupid released onto the internet.

Where did the shape of Valentine's hearts come from, since that certainly isn't what a real heart looks like?

zoobyshoe

Jun28-04, 03:48 AM

Where did the shape of Valentine's hearts come from, since that certainly isn't what a real heart looks like?
I have grave, grave doubts about the stupidity of this quetion. I wonder if "quetion" is really the accurate term for it? Is it not actually a perfectly logical question is stupid quetion's clothing? I am afraid to touch it, since I might, inadvertantly, not give a stupid anser.

Speaking of the Whitehouse, is it not true that the plot of the film Casablanca was inspired by that incident in Special Relativity where the guy on the train and the guy on the embankment compare notes about the timing of the lightning flashes, disagree, and one says to the other "I think this is the start of a long argument," merely twisted into a happy Hollywood ending?

Math Is Hard

Jun28-04, 10:32 PM

I'll never forget the original version. It was so touching the way the two scientists parted and then eventually re-united in the end after their disagreements on space-time geometry. "Here's looking at Euclid." he told her.

What fundamental things actually apply as time goes by?

franznietzsche

Jun29-04, 02:28 AM

Aging.

Where did all the samurai go?

BoulderHead

Jun29-04, 08:24 PM

Where did all the samurai go?
They became consultants;
http://www.samurai.com/

Would you buy a computer from a man wielding a large sword?

Gokul43201

Jun29-04, 08:59 PM

Yes, an Apple. And I'd ask him to throw it in the air and chop it in half. Then I'd pay him and go away.

When franznietzsche asked " Where did all the samurai go ?" did he mean "Where have all the samurai gone" in a Kurosawa-Cole-esque manner ?

Moonbear

Jun29-04, 09:04 PM

Would you buy a computer from a man wielding a large sword?

You bet I would! :blush: Um, well, depending on how he was planning on using it if I didn't buy the computer.

Why wasn't my last question dumb enough? :cry: :rofl:

***
You can ignore my dumb question and try answering the one before mine. Apparently I took too long playing with smilies and someone beat me to the answer.

Math Is Hard

Jun30-04, 01:02 AM

When franznietzsche asked " Where did all the samurai go ?" did he mean "Where have all the samurai gone" in a Kurosawa-Cole-esque manner ?

I don't think he thought quite that hard about it. He was probably reminiscing about old Saturday Night Live episodes.

Moonbear: the problem is that your question wasn't truly a quetion, because it wasn't truly stupid. I am afraid there's a legitimate answer for your ponderance:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_146.html

Nice try, though! :smile: Keep hanging out with us, and you'll get stupider, I promise :rofl:

Today while wandering down the sidewalk I pondered the children's rhyme "Step on a crack, break your mama's back".

What would happen to your mama if you accidentally stepped on a singularity?

FZ+

Jun30-04, 06:00 PM

Her back would be broken on the quantum scale, for a time period of below one planck unit. Hard to tell, really.

Why do the Ancient Greeks have a near-monopoly in algebraic symbols?

zoobyshoe

Jun30-04, 07:30 PM

Why do the Ancient Greeks have a near-monopoly in algebraic symbols?
It was the most inscrutable alphabet available in the ancient Western world, at the time. Had the West discovered China a couple milenia earlier, things would be different.

Is it true that in exchange for fireworks technology from the Chinese, Marco Polo traded a mere eight cartons of Chef Boyardee Spagetti-Os?

Moonbear

Jun30-04, 08:18 PM

Moonbear: the problem is that your question wasn't truly a quetion, because it wasn't truly stupid. I am afraid there's a legitimate answer for your ponderance:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_146.html

Nice try, though! :smile: Keep hanging out with us, and you'll get stupider, I promise :rofl:

LOL! Now I get it. Does it count if I didn't know it wasn't a quetion when I asked it? As long as I haven't been disqualified from playing, I'll try harder to get it right...or is that not try nearly so hard?

Anyway, back to the game:
Is it true that in exchange for fireworks technology from the Chinese, Marco Polo traded a mere eight cartons of Chef Boyardee Spagetti-Os?

Absolutely not! O's were just not nearly so fashionable back then, and it was Chef Boyardee's predecessor, Chef Girlarwee who prepared the eight carton's of Spaghetti-Z's.

Why does it always rain on holiday weekends?

Math Is Hard

Jul1-04, 01:22 AM

This is one way Native American tribes have conspired to wreak vengeance against the white man. All religious rain-making ceremonies are now held on holiday weekends.

True story: Today I was up in our human resources office which is populated by understimulated civil servants when I noticed something peculiar. It is not unusual for one of the staff up there to decorate the office with shapes he cuts out of colored construction paper. He suspends these from the ceiling with strings.

Normally these are holiday-themed decorations, but today for some reason, he had fashioned fish and seaweed and long-tentacled paper jellyfish and dangled these from the rafters.

I was very concerned that one of these weird paper jellyfish was dangling a bit too close to my shoulder and might have resulted in a severe paper cut had I come any closer.
Were my fears unfounded?

franznietzsche

Jul1-04, 01:56 AM

I was very concerned that one of these weird paper jellyfish was dangling a bit too close to my shoulder and might have resulted in a severe paper cut had I come any closer.
Were my fears unfounded?

Yes, origami is only lethal when dry.

Is it possible for me to ask a truly stupid question?

plover

Jul1-04, 07:35 AM

What would happen to your mama if you accidentally stepped on a singularity?

"Steppin' on a singularity, sends your momma to a world of non-linearity"?

Can asking a truly stupid question cause someone's answer to tunnel back several posts and thus merge two of the realities predicted by the Many Stupidities hypothesis?

zoobyshoe

Jul1-04, 08:26 AM

Is it possible for me to ask a truly stupid question?
All questions are, in fact, the tip of a truely stupid iceberg of immense proportions.
Can asking a truly stupid question cause someone's answer to tunnel back several posts and thus merge two of the realities predicted by the Many Stupidities hypothesis?
All questions are, in fact, the tip of a truely stupid iceberg of immense proportions.

How is it that the ability to recognise and intentionally repeat a misspelling has suddenly become an indicator of I.Q.?

Gokul43201

Jul1-04, 11:28 AM

Since nobody spells words correctly anymore, it's hard to discern misspellings. Very, very hard.

Hwoeevr bdaly a clloection of wodrs be spelllt, thier meainngs aer not dffiuclt to indetify.

Its definately acceptible to write alot of words like 'embarass', 'exhilerate', 'existance', 'manouvre', 'momento', 'restaurent, and 'reciept', without people notising that their spellt incorrectly.

Does it matter how you spell a word, so long as the other person gets your drift ?

zoobyshoe

Jul1-04, 12:55 PM

Does it matter how you spell a word, so long as the other person gets your drift ?
No. But when people don't misspell things properly it can sometimes speak volumes.

Quetion: Having turned left at the first three corners I came to hoping to find the right left corner at which to turn by process of trial and error it occured to me that seeking the right left corner was a logical error that could lead to beilderment, even if I found it. Should I turn right, seek the wrong left turn, or turn at the "left" corner (meaning, which ever one is left)?

Tsu

Jul1-04, 02:11 PM

Yes. And use your buzzsaw.

Why?

selfAdjoint

Jul1-04, 02:30 PM

Yes. And use your buzzsaw.

Why?

The North Pole.

If you left the right left turn between the left right turn and the right right turn, would you ever reach closure?

zoobyshoe

Jul1-04, 04:27 PM

If you left the right left turn between the left right turn and the right right turn, would you ever reach closure?
I am unfortunately not at an advanced enough stage in my studies to be able to factor right right turns and wrong right turns into my navigation. All that leaves me with to select from are right left turns, wrong left turns, or left turns (meaning, which ever turns are left).

Which calls to mind the events of a summer evening in 1936 in the city of Strasbourg, Germany, or Strasbourg, France, when, as a lad of 27 I found myself to be in the highest state of inebriation, crawling on all fours toward the train station where I was to meet a Polish aviator of my acquaintance, and from which train station we were to depart together for the coast, changing trains here and there, untill we'd made it to the town of Brest, curious, as we naturally were, to discover what it was like to stand in the center of that town, surrounded by Brest, Brest everywhere the eye could see, nothing but Brest.

At any rate, I crawled left in ever widening circles, determined to find the train station with this meticulous method of searching, since none of the locals seemed to understand a word I said to them in their own language, or mine. However, I became distracted when I noticed an outdoor café I used to frequent, passing by me each time the whirling city brought it round into my field of vision, and I decided to pull my increasingly uncooperative body toward it a little more each time it passed. I thought it would be a good place to reconoitre. I could not, at that time, have defined the word reconoitre to you, or myself, but instinct told me that café was the place to do it.

About an hour later I had just succeeded in pulling myself into one of the chairs on the terrace when the garçon came and handed me a note. I couldn't make out a word of it, so I resorted to the technique of the illiterate and held it up to my ear. It said: "All that is gold, glitters, but not all that glitters is gold."

"Hmmm," I thought," Not necessarily.

For twenty points, what five situations can you think of in which gold does not glitter?

Gokul43201

Jul1-04, 06:47 PM

For twenty points, what five situations can you think of in which gold does not glitter?

If you paint the piece of gold with some nasty, brown paint, it will not glitter. Also, I think that if you dump the gold in some acid and take it out, it won't glitter. Not sure about the last one - I'm not very good with Chemystery. Also not great with numbers, but I don't think that's a big deal.

Now do I get my twenty points (if you don't have them all now, I can take 3 payments of 5 points, and I promise to give you change) ?

zoobyshoe

Jul1-04, 07:41 PM

If you paint the piece of gold with some nasty, brown paint, it will not glitter.
Correct, of course.
Also, I think that if you dump the gold in some acid and take it out, it won't glitter.
I'm not sure about this, either, so it clearly constitutes the four remaining cases you need to get your twenty points.
Now do I get my twenty points (if you don't have them all now, I can take 3 payments of 5 points, and I promise to give you change) ?
Your points are in the mail. If they don't arrive soon, please don't disturb me about it.

Once, when I was busily painting my collection of gold nuggets with some nasty, brown paint, so they wouldn't glitter, it occured to me I might work some interesting mischief by locating some dog droppings and spray painting them with gold paint so they would glitter. (This was in my callous, youth, incidently. I was 38 at the time.) I set to work.

A policeman passing by in his cruiser took an inexplicable interest in my efforts and asked what I thought I was doing. I explained my plan to him, barely able to contain my mirth. "Oh," he responded, "I thought maybe you were writing graffiti." and he cruised away.

And, now, having created this peculiar little set up, what would be the best stupid quetion for me to pose?

Gokul43201

Jul1-04, 07:55 PM

And, now, having created this peculiar little set up, what would be the best stupid quetion for me to pose?

The obvious quetion : "Having now made the dog poop glitter, how do I go about convincing people that all that glitters (especially the glittery things I'm carrying about for everyone to see) IS gold ?"

Alternate quetion : "Should I have just told the cop that I found gold, but it really belongs to the goverment, so he should have it ?"

I'm not sure which of the two I would pick for 'best stupid quetion' because I don't know if this means 'best quetion that is also stupid', or ' quetion that is most stupid.'

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?

zoobyshoe

Jul1-04, 08:16 PM

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?
That, grasshoppah, will be revealed to you when you have mastered the second belt of the Way of the Stupid Quetion.

A clue: the alternate anser was "best".

Will Grasshoppah Gokul not get ahead of himself with his progress in leaps and bounds toward ascendent mastery of the Stupid Quetion?

Moonbear

Jul1-04, 08:18 PM

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?

5.9732 x 10^1929477790300889

It's the quetion constant.

What symbol should be used to represent the quetion constant in an equation?

franznietzsche

Jul1-04, 09:40 PM

What symbol should be used to represent the quetion constant in an equation?

\pi

What are the units of \pi ?

plover

Jul1-04, 09:49 PM

The appropriate quetion constant symbol should take a long time to write as this slows the impetuous Grasshopper enough to see the True Path of Stupid Quetioning and not equate it to the myriad misleading Paths of Truly Questionable Stupidity.

Why is the True Path of Stupid Quetioning known as the Sheepfold Way?

selfAdjoint

Jul1-04, 09:49 PM

\pi

What are the units of \pi ?

Slices.

If \pi is the question constant, and zooby was going around in circles, is this whole part of the thread just circular reasoning?

Moonbear

Jul1-04, 10:39 PM

If \pi is the question constant, and zooby was going around in circles, is this whole part of the thread just circular reasoning?

Indeed, which is why the True Path of Stupid Quetioning is known as the Sheepfold Way. If you run around sheep in a circle, they'll move exactly as you wouldn't expect. This is clearly demonstrated here: http://www.david-lewis.com/sheepgame/

So, if you want to follow the sheepfold way, just how do you go about folding the sheep?

Gokul43201

Jul1-04, 11:11 PM

So, if you want to follow the sheepfold way, just how do you go about folding the sheep?

Grab two hooves on one hand and two hooves in the other. Now move your hands towards each other. Press the back down to form a nice crease. You have now successfully folded the sheep.

Did you know that a sheep can not be folded in half, more than seven consecutive times ?

(PS : Some people will show you that they can do more, but this usually involves pulling the wool over your eyes.)

zoobyshoe

Jul2-04, 12:21 AM

Did you know that a sheep can not be folded in half, more than seven consecutive times?
I did not know this and it constitutes the most interesting news about livestock I've heard all week.

Once, when I was dangling upside down from a rope attached to my left leg over an icy river in upstate N.Y. USA wearing a straightjacket with a live polecat inside as part of my initiation into the Church of the Previous Deviation and Charmed Hebetude Accompli, it occured to me that I was too young to give up eating Taco Bell food (the only abstention the church required) and that I should, perhaps, call the baptism off. What on earth do you suppose happened next?

BoulderHead

Jul2-04, 12:28 AM

Once, when I was dangling upside down from a rope attached to my left leg over an icy river in upstate N.Y. USA wearing a straightjacket with a live polecat inside as part of my initiation into the Church of the Previous Deviation and Charmed Hebetude Accompli, it occured to me that I was too young to give up eating Taco Bell food (the only abstention the church required) and that I should, perhaps, call the baptism off. What on earth do you suppose happened next?
You opted for Taco-X and became Grand Master of the Order !

What became of the polecat, did it pay Ivan a visit recently?

the number 42

Jul2-04, 09:44 AM

Hey, why haven't I seen this thread before?

Gokul43201

Jul2-04, 10:27 AM

What became of the polecat, did it pay Ivan a visit recently?

Not recently. It paid him a visit some years ago, and since then, he's been seeking it. I recall hearing him say something about the "galaxy" being on the polecat's collar.

Did you know that Ivan is really a trans-galactic hitchhiker, originally from Eroticon 6 ?

zoobyshoe

Jul2-04, 10:35 AM

Did you know that Ivan is really a trans-galactic hitchhiker, originally from Eroticon 6 ?
I didn't know that, but it makes perfect sense given his penchant for raising the subject of the shape of animal penises in otherwise innocuous threads.

I wonder if it could really be true, though, since it is unlikely that anyone would give a ride to an Eroticonian with his thumb out. How do you suppose he got ships to stop for him?

franznietzsche

Jul2-04, 11:49 AM

I wonder if it could really be true, though, since it is unlikely that anyone would give a ride to an Eroticonian with his thumb out. How do you suppose he got ships to stop for him?

Raising the subject of the shape of animal penises.

More importantly, how did he get the ships to let him off?

Gokul43201

Jul2-04, 12:51 PM

More importantly, how did he get the ships to let him off?

Oh, that was simple - at least, mostly. He simulated the (planet Earth's) billy goat mating ritual, when he knew he was close to somewhere he wouldn't mind being. The startled hosts almost always threw him out immediately.

http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=33062&page=1&pp=15

The ploy backfired (literally !) the one time that he hitched a ride with the grass traders from Lushmeadowia. You see, the Lushmeadowians are bovine, and they quite took to Ivan. Finally, the spent Lushmeadowians dropped Ivan off at Desertia - not a place he would have picked, before the mating began.

Considering that the only ships that ever go to Desertia are manned (or hooved) by the Lushmeadowians, how did Ivan ever find his way from there to Earth ?

zoobyshoe

Jul2-04, 01:03 PM

Considering that the only ships that ever go to Desertia are manned (or hooved) by the Lushmeadowians, how did Ivan ever find his way from there to Earth ?
As an Eroticonian he is intimately familiar with the mating calls of a vast number of extraterrestrial species. It was, therefore, a simple matter of rigging up a transmitter and deciding which specie he wanted to attract to effect his rescue.

After their initial successes with ruby crystals, the early laser experimenters went wild trying everything in lasers from gasses to chicken soup. It was not till as late as 1977, however, that anyone thought to try "lasing" a weird, purple jellyfish. Having stuffed a little jellyfish into the tube between the two mirrors and "pumping" it full of energy, physicist Seymore T. Photodoodle was horrified to discover that the weird, purple light that resulted was neither coherent, nor uniform, but that it emerged from the device as a mass of wriggling tentacles that left a trail of molten, purple proto-jelly on every surface they touched. Unable to account for this, he decided to suppress all knowledge of the event, burning his notes, and hiding the laser in a hole under the tool shed in his back yard. According to Hollywood legend, though, he did take it out and demonstrate it once for commedian/screenwriter Dan Ackroyd, who, being Photodoodle's wife's great uncle's godchild, visited the Photodoodle home along with the Godfather during a large, extended family get together on Thanksgiving of that year. If there is any truth to this Hollywood legend about the origin of the idea for the ray guns in Ghostbusters why didn't they emit weird, purple light in the film, instead of green?

Gokul43201

Jul2-04, 01:21 PM

If there is any truth to this Hollywood legend about the origin of the idea for the ray guns in Ghostbusters why didn't they emit weird, purple light in the film, instead of green?

Because of yet another unresolved property of the tentacular plasma ( what you crudely described as "a mass of wriggling tentacles" ). It is true that the tentacular plasma is indeed what emerges from the proton pack (obviously named to cover up the identity of the true energy source) of the Ghostbusters. When the editing crew was looking at negatives of the shots, they found to their amazement, that while white showed up as black and and blue became orange (or whatever), the purple from the tentacular plasma (TP) still looked purple. When the negatives were developed, all other things got back their original colors, but the TP looked green. The film-makers decided to leave things that way.

Who knows why ?

EDIT : (PS to zooby - Quote : "It was, therefore, a simple matter of rigging up a transmitter and deciding which specie he wanted to attract to effect his rescue."
Why does he want to attract currency ? )

I'll repeat my quetion : Who knows why ?

franznietzsche

Jul3-04, 02:30 AM

Who knows why ?

Tentacular Commercialism.

Why do soap opera actors get paid?

Spabath

Jul3-04, 09:42 AM

Hmmmm fair enough I guess

Need a (http://www.spabath.co.nz/browse.php?category_id=23)Spa Pool? (http://www.spabath.co.nz/browse.php?category_id=32)
OR (http://www.bath.co.nz) A TOILET?! (http://www.toilet.co.nz)

zoobyshoe

Jul3-04, 10:13 AM

Why do soap opera actors get paid?
I know. I have never seen one of them sing a note or blow a soap bubble.

Re: specie. Why is anyone confused about a stranded hitchhiker hoping to attract a little extra pocket money?

Gokul43201

Jul4-04, 02:07 AM

Because money is illegal in Desertia. The Desertians depend entirely on the barter system, having realized that money is the root of all evil.

Desertia used to be a delicious paradise that had fruit salad growing everywhere until the disastrous Three Cherry Gambling Wars broke out all over the planet...but that's a different story.

If the Desertian Fire Department (for some reason, it was their job) finds you in possession of money, they use a flame-thrower to burn (melt, boil, or disfigure) the money, then they burn your pockets, and then they chuck you in jail.

Do you have any idea what Desertian prisons are like ?

zoobyshoe

Jul4-04, 02:37 AM

Do you have any idea what Desertian prisons are like ?
Not personally, but I have read that mind blowing exposé by 10 year inmate Alexander Desernitsyn, Deserlag Archipelago, which made me so happy I grew up on Zoobonia, instead of Pinko-Commie Desertia.

Would Chineynman have said "tenticular plasma", or would he have used the more entertaining "mass of wriggling tentacles"?

franznietzsche

Jul4-04, 03:23 AM

Not personally, but I have read that mind blowing exposé by 10 year inmate Alexander Desernitsyn, Deserlag Archipelago, which made me so happy I grew up on Zoobonia, instead of Pinko-Commie Desertia.

Would Chineynman have said "tenticular plasma", or would he have used the more entertaining "mass of wriggling tentacles"?

The most entertaining: "mass of wriggling tentacular plasma".

In Desertia, does the water freeze before it hits the ground?

plover

Jul4-04, 05:04 AM

Water in Desertia does many things before it hits the ground in its frantic attempt to desert from its status in the material universe as water. It has been known to boil, freeze, fling electrons at passersby, spontaneously form itself into effigies of Spiro Agnew (not the Earthling politician, but the (on Desertia) much better known used lint magnet of Kanardikwak XII, whose sad fate was chronicled by Garbetiwex Uu in the oft imitated introduction to his manifesto on cantilevered opti-rivet factory management techniques The General Labor Theory of Fasteners, Quitting Time, and Dust Bunnies -- the scene as Agnew is ostracized from the town of A'a'å'a'nx after the ball of used lint which he had attracted grew to such a size as to become a traffic hazard rendered all the more poignant upon reflection on the recent collapse of the cantilevered opti-rivet industry on the introduction of the tiered-cam omni-bolt, and how the suffering of this transition might have been mitigated by a robust interplanetary used lint trade), and in extreme cases, fuse into neon in a spray of energetic photons that goes a long way toward explaining some of the recent mutations of the remaining species of fruit salad.

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Glorious Lemon-Lemon-Bell Revolution (only the current wave of revisionist historians would label it the "Three Cherry Gambling Wars") was engineered by elements in the former Deserterian Tourist Council who had an obsessional hatred of fruit salad?

zoobyshoe

Jul4-04, 05:27 AM

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Glorious Lemon-Lemon-Bell Revolution (only the current wave of revisionist historians would label it the "Three Cherry Gambling Wars") was caused by elements in the former Deserterian Tourist Council who had an obsessional hatred of fruit salad?
Oh, good luck trying to sort that mass of wriggling historical events out. It was every Desertian for himself, alliances were formed and dissolved within minutes, no one had any idea what anyone else was up to, and soon lost all sense of what they, themselves were up to. A couple of them hunted themselves down and assassinated themselves, so confused were they about who was friend or foe.

Should there be a limit established on how much one is permitted to set between parentheses, or should we give a prize to whomever can fit the most?

Gokul43201

Jul4-04, 12:30 PM

Let's give points. I love points - they're soooooo much fun. I'm still tingly all over in expectation of my 15 points, for solving the gold quetion.

I wonder why USPS is taking so long to deliver them. Do you think they want to catch me by surprise ?

franznietzsche

Jul4-04, 09:51 PM

I wonder why USPS is taking so long to deliver them. Do you think they want to catch me by surprise ?

They usually tie them to bricks and throw them through your windows, so if you hear a giant van suddenly stop outside your house, don't duck.

Isn't "extraordinary" jsut a really unnecesarrily long and convoluted way( that mind you involves far more words that necessary, and i tihnk was invented jsut to make us sound verbose, i mean what everhappened to the being concise and clear in what you're talking about) to say "really normal"?

zoobyshoe

Jul4-04, 09:57 PM

Isn't "extraordinary" jsut a really unnecesarrily long and convoluted way( that mind you involves far more words that necessary, and i tihnk was invented jsut to make us sound verbose, i mean what everhappened to the being concise and clear in what you're talking about) to say "really normal"?
Yes.

Which begs the quetion: should points be added to, or deleted from, "parentheses points" for typos within parentheses?

Moonbear

Jul4-04, 10:46 PM

Which begs the quetion: should points be added to, or deleted from, "parentheses points" for typos within parentheses?

Well, if it's a stupid anser, then you add 4 points, multiply the result by -3, add 2, divide by 6, and then multiply the total by 0.

If it's a stupid quetion, then you subtract 100 points, multiply by 10, divide by 42, add 3, then hit "clear" on the calculator and write down the result displayed.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I've heard rumors that the use of paretheses in Desertia is illegal and if caught, the penalty involves a month of living in tight quarters with one's in-laws (if you don't have in-laws, they will be provided for you). Is this true?

franznietzsche

Jul5-04, 02:08 PM

I've heard rumors that the use of paretheses in Desertia is illegal and if caught, the penalty involves a month of living in tight quarters with one's in-laws (if you don't have in-laws, they will be provided for you). Is this true?

yes, and the worst part is, they not only provide inlaws, but a spouse too.

now of course, when they provide the spouse the two of you must be married under Desertian law, and the ceremony usually involves a small rodent, a flame thrower, two spoons, and the hokey-pokey. i get the rest the of it, but why the two spoons?

Moonbear

Jul5-04, 03:50 PM

now of course, when they provide the spouse the two of you must be married under Desertian law, and the ceremony usually involves a small rodent, a flame thrower, two spoons, and the hokey-pokey. i get the rest the of it, but why the two spoons?

Well, one for you and one for your new spouse, of course.

Desertian scholars have long disputed whether the true interpretation of the law calls for the Hokey-Pokey or the Chicken Dance. How was this dispute resolved in favor of the Hokey-Pokey?

plover

Jul5-04, 06:40 PM

Desertian scholars have long disputed whether the true interpretation of the law calls for the Hokey-Pokey or the Chicken Dance. How was this dispute resolved in favor of the Hokey-Pokey?

There was never much of a dispute between reputable Desertian scholars. Anti-fowl social factions claimed that the Chicken Dance was "unnatural" because chickens do not eat fruit salad. Several institutes that were privately funded to push anti-fowl propaganda fanned social divisions into a media inferno. Following this there was a widespread belief that the Hokey-Pokey was the only version of the marriage ceremony that was legitimate under the law, but the text of the law actually makes no restrictions on the form that segment of the ceremony may take. There is, in fact, a treaty drafted by one of the revered founders of the Desertian government that states that Desertia places no restrictions on how its citizens "shake that funky thang" when marrying. The government currently has a "don't ask-don't tell" policy that it practices towards the llamas that officiate at weddings concerning what they witness the participants doing.

When Desertian scholars and llamas get together to dance this mess around, is it true that they do all sixteen dances? (I'm just askin'!)

Gokul43201

Jul5-04, 07:06 PM

No that's just the average number of dances they do. You see, the Desertian number system consists only of primes. Though some mathematicians have postulated the existence of non-primes that exist somewhere between the primes (often refered to as ghost numbers), this concept is only vaguely formed. So, one tribe has a 13 dance ritual, while the other (the superstitious tribe) does the 19 dance ceremony.

What's a grecian urn ?

Math Is Hard

Jul5-04, 08:02 PM

about $5.25 an hour.

What does he spend it on?

Moonbear

Jul5-04, 10:10 PM

Grecian Formula (yes, I know that just dated me).

What is the minimum drip rate for a bathroom faucet to adequately drive someone nuts at night so they are compelled to repair it?

franznietzsche

Jul5-04, 11:19 PM

Grecian Formula (yes, I know that just dated me).

What is the minimum drip rate for a bathroom faucet to adequately drive someone nuts at night so they are compelled to repair it?

You dated grecian formula? That relationship would be illegal in Desertia...

One drip for every unit of time between the syllables in that sentence. Thus, reading that sentence has the same effect and makes the reader insane...unless they're already insane.

Why is i illegal to date Grecian Formula in Desertia?

zoobyshoe

Jul6-04, 12:56 AM

Why is i illegal to date Grecian Formula in Desertia?
Because Acute Pythagorophobia has reached near epidemic proportions there, and since the Desertians have no word for theorem they refer to theorems as "formulas". (Natives and linguists can tell them apart by ever so subtle differences in inflection.) At any rate, I am ignorant of the cause of the Acute Pythagorophobia.

What is the cause of the Acute Pythagorophobia?

Gokul43201

Jul6-04, 02:27 AM

What is the cause of the Acute Pythagorophobia?

The fact that one of the members of Pythagorean triples ends up being non-numbers (or Ghost numbers).

For instance, they first figured out that if you drew a right triangle (often refered to as the wrong triangle for the paradox it resulted in) with a side of 3 units (or p2 units in Desertian notation) and a hypotenuse of 5 (p3) units, the number of units of the other side looked like it should be a number, but was clearly one they were ALL unfamiliar with.

So would it be fair to say that Acute Pythagorophobia is really a fear of the unknown ?

franznietzsche

Jul7-04, 01:40 AM

So would it be fair to say that Acute Pythagorophobia is really a fear of the unknown ?

Absolutely not, they know what ghost numbers are, ghosts!!

The real question is, how did they hear about pythagoras?

plover

Jul7-04, 02:35 AM

The real question is, how did they hear about pythagoras?

Pythagoras became a celebrity on Desertia when broadcasts of the P.P.F. Philosophy Smackdown that was so popular in ancient Greece reached the Desertia the system and were picked up by many local channels.*

Why are Desertians so fond of tag-team philosophy?

* P.P.F. = Peloponnesian Philosophy Federation

Math Is Hard

Jul7-04, 03:01 AM

After having been smacked-down by my philosophy professor many times tonight I think I can understand the appeal for the smacker if not the smackee.

This weekend I attended a performance art event. Upon leaving the occasion, I observed that these artists had gone out into the parking lot gluing plastic replicas of human body parts to the cars in the lot while we were inside watching the show. Some cars had heads affixed to them, some had elbows, others fingers, etc. (I am still unsure of the meaning of this.)
Imagine my shock and horror upon reaching my parking space to discover that my car had been toed! Is there anyway to fight this in court?

zoobyshoe

Jul7-04, 06:37 AM

Imagine my shock and horror upon reaching my parking space to discover that my car had been toed! Is there anyway to fight this in court?
Your car wasn't actually toed, it was ticketed, by which I mean that toe is a free ticket to the groups next performance event The Art of the T.o.E.. There will be a T.o.E jam session by jazz artists in the group during intermissiom. Some people recieved free tickets to another upcoming event: The Art of the G.U.T.. Those tickets were particularly gross.

That particular group of performance artists also did a show once called Cirque du Poulet which features alot of chicken parts dressed in dazzling costumes doing astonishing acrobatic feats on high wires and trampolines and bungee cords. I was completely blown away. How do you suppose they train a raw chicken thigh to do such clever things?

franznietzsche

Jul7-04, 02:01 PM

How do you suppose they train a raw chicken thigh to do such clever things?

Threatening it with a deep fryer of course. You can't really reward a raw chicken thigh, so rather you train it by aversion.

what happens if the thigh finds deep frying to be rather slimming and attractive though? Then how would they train it?

Gokul43201

Jul7-04, 02:15 PM

Relativistically ! If you want the thigh to leap 20 feet up into the air, you make the audience (or TV camera) plummet downwards.

Among the various military aircraft that I'm familiar with, I'm always puzzled by the choice of names for the A-10 "Warthog" and the MiG-27 "Flogger". Why pick such crazy names ?

selfAdjoint

Jul7-04, 04:02 PM

Among the various military aircraft that I'm familiar with, I'm always puzzled by the choice of names for the A-10 "Warthog" and the MiG-27 "Flogger". Why pick such crazy names ?

What do you mean funny? Those are the cherished totems of the Secret Brethren (admittedly the brethren have a certain SM thing going).

If you want funny, how many patriots are involved with the Patriot Act?

Gokul43201

Jul7-04, 05:37 PM

I know Tom Brady was invited to the State of the Union address, so guessing entirely on that basis . . . perhaps the answer is less than or equal to 1.

Anyway, there used to be a time when you could walk about the streets all day, eating cotton candy. Now 'they' are talking about amending the constitution to make this illegal. How do we stop 'them' ?

franznietzsche

Jul8-04, 12:37 AM

Anyway, there used to be a time when you could walk about the streets all day, eating cotton candy. Now 'they' are talking about amending the constitution to make this illegal. How do we stop 'them' ?

have every single person you know, and every person they know, etc. Call 'them' and leave a voice message every 5 minutes telling them not to do it. Even if they stop listening to the messages, the sheer annoyance of having that many missed calls will eventually coerce them into not committing this irrational act of 'illegalification'.

The real question is why haven't 'they' tried before?

zoobyshoe

Jul9-04, 10:45 PM

The real question is why haven't 'they' tried before?
Because they have only recently accepted that cotton candy is not actually made of cotton, a notion that the cotton candy lobby seemed continually able to prevent them from questioning, by distracting them with under-the-table "gifts" of cotton candy, in the color of their choice.

In 1920, Alfred E. was persuaded to publish JELLITIVITY, The Special and the General Theory, with the subtitle: A lcear splxenatoin thta nyaneo cna standunder. In chapter IX: The Jellitivity Of Smilatinanity, Alfred provides his reader with a rigorous definition of smilatinanity in order to then go on and demonstrate that it is jellitive. The conditions for smilatinanity are met when: an observer positioned at the midpoint between two incredibly sarcastic people is wilted equally on both sides at the same time by the sound of their ego-crushing guffaws.
How then, though, does he go on to demonstrate that this is jellitive?

plover

Jul9-04, 11:42 PM

Smilatinanity is, of course, a neuropathy occuring in smilodons. It is rumored that the Neanderthals were driven to extinction due to their inability to provide coordinated bursts of sarcasm while being attacked by a 400 pound cat with 7 inch teeth. A smilodon that has been properly smilatinundated (as the process of applying smilatinanity is called) will cross its eyes, acquire a greenish hue on its foot pads, and warble show tunes while attempting to upstage everybody (which attempt will often cause the smilodon, in its feline confusion, to plunge over the nearest cliff). As the aesthetic sensibilities of the hominids of that era were not very developed, a smilodon was quite harmless in that state.

But how, you may say, is this jellitive? Well, at some point, hominids developed aesthetic sensibilities, which of course were offended by the sight of an enormous cat making like Ethel Merman. The most sensitive among this new breed of hominid would, in fact, expire on the spot. (It is fortunate that soon after this evolutionary development, every last smilodon was kidnapped by aliens for use in nefarious interplanetary experiments in musical theater.) When the autopsies were carried out it was found that some of the internal organs of their fallen comrades had jellitivated into an undifferentiated mass. There are also those who believe that this result was simply an artifact caused by the crude tools used in the autopsies of the era.

When jellitivity was first proposed, there was found to a temporal paradox that indicated that show tunes would spontaneously move through time by jumping to different species even though experiments showed that there was no medium to support this transmission. How was this paradox resolved?

Math Is Hard

Jul10-04, 12:15 AM

I believe Alfred refuted this argument by showing that if one species says "to-MAY-to" and another says "to-MAH-to" then the whole experiment should be called off.

Today my biology teacher asked me to write an essay on jellyfish. I complained that jellyfish were very slippery and hard to write on. She kicked me out of her class. What should I do now?

zoobyshoe

Jul10-04, 12:58 AM

Today my biology teacher asked me to write an essay on jellyfish. I complained that jellyfish were very slippery and hard to write on. She kicked me out of her class. What should I do now?
I don't know, but it sounds like she had your best interest in mind: she realized you never make it through the upcoming paper on lions.

Speaking of biology: if plover's explanation of The Jellitivity of Smilatinanity is not simply weird, purple propaganda perpetrated by a jellyfish in bird's clothing, then why, since the big cats are all gone, does anyone still write papers on smilatinanity?

Gokul43201

Jul14-04, 11:55 AM

Just For Kicks.

Now, wouldn't that make a nice campaign slogan for Kerry ?

skiboka33

Jul14-04, 01:55 PM

yes, it would, and im im dumbass...

wouldn't that make a good campaign slogan for bush?

Math Is Hard

Jul14-04, 10:20 PM

I don't understand what the phrase "im im dumbass" means, therefore the phrase cannot be evaluated as a campaign slogan or even as a general statement.

Isn't a bushkerry a furry little sharp-toothed animal that lives in the Australian outback?

zoobyshoe

Jul14-04, 10:31 PM

Isn't a bushkerry a furry little sharp-toothed animal that lives in the Australian outback?
That is correct, yes. The aboriginals are leary of its sharp!pointy!teeth! and do not bother it.

Having recently confabulated the word "trid" for the first time, I have begun to ponder what its denotation might be. A quick perusal of my favorite collegiate dictionary has revealed that it doesn't seem to have existed as a word in the English language before I posted it just now. Therefore, I wonder if someone would be so kind as to supply a definition of it that will assure it a place in, say, entomology?

plover

Jul15-04, 12:11 AM

Being a four-letter word, "trid" is obviously an Anglo-Saxon term. There is a 7th century chronicle usually assumed to have been written at the court of Hrothgar the Fleabitten that uses it, but unfortunately this is the only occurrence in the extant literature of the period. The apparent meaning is "that brownish beetle that often gets under your gambeson in a delicate place and at the worst possible moment". There is an argument that the practice of "ferret legging" traces its origin to a method of dealing with this beetle that was apparently invented by Hrothgar.

In pursuit of the utmost authenticity for his military re-enactments, Lord Ushant Rosewiggin Thrushburnmoorport VI, 17th Earl of Dufflehintington (for those not up on their heraldry, I note that Thrushburnmoorport is pronounced "Thumpet") has offered a substantial reward to any entomologist who can identify the species of beetle that was referred to as a trid, so that he might introduce them into his armor at appropriately inconvenient points in the fray. The cupidity of entomologists being what it is, how have those learnèd folk been pursuing this prize?

zoobyshoe

Jul15-04, 02:20 AM

The cupidity of entomologists being what it is, how have those learnèd folk been pursuing this prize?
It is, indeed, a sad fact for that particular science that most of its practitioners are in it for the money, so the means used to try and claim this prize have been less than ethical. Dr. Spender Svindler, for example, having noticed that "trid" was "dirt" spelled backwards, concocted a forged document that purported to prove the evidence from the times of Hrothgar the Fleabitten had been written by someone afflicted with palinopsia, meaning that the reference to "trid" had actually been a reference to dirt. Lord Ushant, of course, did not want dirt. He wanted bugs. The prize money was refused.

What were some of the other attempts to claim the prize, and how did they unravel?

Math Is Hard

Jul16-04, 05:08 PM

It wasn't until much later after Svindler's devious attempt, that the nature of the prize itself became known. The details of the prize were kept secret in a tightly guarded, rolled up scroll of parchment. In 1938 a young bug-collector named Melvin approached the heirs of Dufflehintington with a specimen he labeled a trid. He didn't have a whole lot of evidence for why it was the sought-after insect, but the heirs were pretty much sick of people bothering them year after year about the stupid legendary prize, so they let him have it.
Melvin was to be rewarded by taking a chessboard and placing a trid on the first square, two trids on the first square, four on the third, and so on, doubling the number of trids on each new square. Upon the reaching the last square, all the trids were to be gathered up and poured into Melvin's shorts.
Melvin never showed up to claim the prize and everyone just sorta forgot about it after that.

but - who cares about all that. What I really want to know is if you can get really good Vienna sausages in Vienna?

plover

Jul17-04, 06:24 AM

What I really want to know is if you can get really good Vienna sausages in Vienna?
Strangely enough this question was recently answered by philosopher Helmut Vermurungen of the Österreich-Flügelhornische Institut für Philosophie und Bühnenbild. In his book Lebensmittel und das Theater, he writes: 'When you are in Vienna, all of the sausages around you are, strictly speaking, Vienna sausages. Thus the category of "Vienna sausages" ceases to have any meaning as the situation of being-sausage becomes a subvection of the situation of being-in-Vienna. Since as argued previously, an interior-social qualia such as "goodness" can not pass through a subvection when attaching to an object, we see that while the concrete sensory arena of Vienna may encompass "good sausages", it is prevented from encompassing (or even serving as an abstract stage for) "good Vienna sausages".'

Why is the bushkerry so fond of Vienna sausages?

zoobyshoe

Jul17-04, 06:06 PM

Why is the bushkerry so fond of Vienna sausages?
They are easy prey. The Vienna sausage is anatomically incapable of achieving any appreciable ground speed during a persuit.

Recently I recieved a PM from a total stranger with the following text:

"Zobbyshoes,

How cum jelitivity can predict length dilation for weerd perple jeelofish what maths sre there to algebraicly show this? Plees do not confuse me with conservation of energy?

-FurrinTwerp746*1"

What do you suppose I should respond?

Gokul43201

Jul19-04, 05:26 PM

You should try : "Whoahahahahahah....ummmm, yeah, heeheehee...gulp(feeling guilty)....hahaha, fooled you !"

I've always wanted to mail myself weird stuff (like used condoms, or a partially chewed up celery stick) in perfectly transparent envelopes (so the mailman can see what's inside)...just to see if USPS can be counted on.

Do you think they'd deliver ?

Math Is Hard

Jul19-04, 06:05 PM

Let's find out. I have several transparent envelopes here at my office. I will mail them to you, empty, and then you can put stuff in them and them mail them again.

If I put transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope will that arouse suspicions of USPS to the point that they might take action and what, I say what, do you suppose they'll do to us?

balkan

Jul19-04, 06:29 PM

They are easy prey. The Vienna sausage is anatomically incapable of achieving any appreciable ground speed during a persuit.

Recently I recieved a PM from a total stranger with the following text:

"Zobbyshoes,

How cum jelitivity can predict length dilation for weerd perple jeelofish what maths sre there to algebraicly show this? Plees do not confuse me with conservation of energy?

-FurrinTwerp746*1"

don't be fooled by his seemingly clever question... it is worse than you thing...
his real screen name is jiten and he is an old nemesis of mine from a forum i used to hang out at, a long time ago... i'm sure of it...

i should never have looked at this thread... will it ever end?
:frown: :cry:

Gokul43201

Jul19-04, 07:08 PM

If I put transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope inside a transparent envelope will that arouse suspicions of USPS to the point that they might take action and what, I say what, do you suppose they'll do to us?

Not a thing, if you put in a sufficiently large number of transparent envelopes inside transparent envelopes. You see, they'll be stuck in a (nearly) infinite nested loop and will take forever (practically) to escape the loop and will be too exhausted to consider taking action.

Then again, they may enclose a million dollar check inside the final envelope and reseal all the envelopes and mail it back to you. You get your transparent mail and can see the million dollar check inside - but you know you have to go through a gazillion envelopes one at a time (it's no fun otherwise) to get to the booty.

What do you do ?

plover

Jul19-04, 07:30 PM

There is a theorem that states that nesting a sufficient number of transparent envelopes will produce an "envolute", which is a mail route between layered parallel universes consisting of an endless sequence of envelopes-inside-envelopes. Once the envolute is formed, however, it requires an infinite amount of energy to remove one of the interior envelopes. In order to access the interior envelopes it is necessary to carry out intricate topological fibrillations on the outer envelope that can only be described in four dimensions. However, studies of the purple jellyfish Orbifoldus epimorphicus show that this creature moves by carrying out this fibrillation in a three dimensional space (measurements of this process were very delicate as the topological contortions produce the effect of length dilution in the jellyfish so that measurements of its motion require extra concentration on the part of observers). Thus a procedure has been found for everting an arbitrary number of layers of interior envelopes around themselves while simultaneously sealing them within the envolute in a process requiring no net energy. Unfortunately, while it is easy enough to seal a letter within the envolute and thus mail it to a parallel universe, a given envelope layer receives mail from a different universe than it sends to. Thus, since there is an infinite nesting of envelopes, and no method has been found for determining the receive layer from the send layer (or vice-versa), two way communication is still impossible. The USPS is happy about this as the time it takes to solve this difficulty may allow their bureaucracy to decide on the status of transdimensional postage.

(Some have said that the transparency of the envelopes should allow the return post to be seen when it is inserted into the envolute at the other end. This, however, would require that photons scattering off the letter be deflected back into the dimension from which they came, an event which, of course, has essentially zero probability.)

this thread... will it ever end?

Given that this thread has already passed from one PF incarnation to another, is it possible that some threshold has been reached and that the thread has become an e-envolute?

zoobyshoe

Jul20-04, 06:48 AM

Given that this thread has already passed from one PF incarnation to another, is it possible that some threshold has been reached and that the thread has become an e-envolute?
I doubt it. I used to have a physics professor (literally: I kept him in a terrarium on the bookcase) who used to say "I haven't resolved Xeno's paradox yet, but I'm halfway there!" I think he may have crossed an e-envolute threshold once or twice. Could be he just tripped over the salamander, though.

Recently I reread a favorite of my childhood, Tom Lawyer by the great american humorist, Mock Twice. I thought: "What a tough job that must have been, going around humoring everyone all the time." Anyway, it was easier on the second reading to see how The Who adapted this novel into their rock opera Tommy. I hadn't before noticed the similarity between the game of "marvels" and pinball, nor had I realized that Tom's father, Captain Lawyer, didn't come home, his unborn child would never know him. The caves where treasure was hidden correspond to Tommy's Holiday Camp, and Injun Ernie easily becomes Wicked Uncle Ernie. Have I missed anything?

Gokul43201

Jul20-04, 06:19 PM

I think (Tommy's) cousin Kevin may be Hucke Vinn, Tom's best friend...but I'm not certain. Also you forgot to say : "O, The Who; Gods of the Windmills, I salute you !"

Anyways : "O, The Who; Gods of the Windmills, I salute you !"

I remember that the name Mock Twice was borrowed from some kind of riverboat slang. Was it ever returned ?

balkan

Jul20-04, 06:57 PM

Given that this thread has already passed from one PF incarnation to another, is it possible that some threshold has been reached and that the thread has become an e-envolute?
i am more concerned with the fact, that even though this thread is becoming larger and larger, the amplitude of response is not deteriorating... this does not comply with the quantum mechanical nature of a system...
is this the beginning of the end? is the universe about to collapse into this very thread? and notice how thin it is! (look at your screen from a side angle) the entire universe can definitely not fit into this tiny space! :surprise:

zoobyshoe

Jul21-04, 05:55 AM

I remember that the name Mock Twice was borrowed from some kind of riverboat slang. Was it ever returned ?
No. Riverboating had to do without that usefulpiece of jargon from the time Schmoomuel Klempet decided he needed a catchier nome de guerrilla forth. "Mock" was, of course a unit of measurement. One "mock" was the equivalent of the average house take from any four naive Riverboat gamblers. "Mock once!" was the cry of the passenger counter to the Game Master when he observed four such rubes come aboard. "Mock twice!" when four more arrived, and so forth. After Klempet "borrowed" the term, the counter was reduced to counting the second group by awkwardly crying out "Mock once, all over again!", from which he could proceed to "Mock thrice!" for the next group.

It just occured to me that Fecky Ratcher, the girl of Tom's dreams, was taken into the rock opera in the form of Th Acid Queen, "guarranteed, to tear his soul apart." The more I look at it, the more subleties I see. Can anyone really think of a more clever adaptation of a novel into a rock opera than was perpetrated by The Who?

jimmy p

Jul21-04, 07:10 AM

It just occured to me that Fecky Ratcher, the girl of Tom's dreams, was taken into the rock opera in the form of Th Acid Queen, "guarranteed, to tear his soul apart." The more I look at it, the more subleties I see. Can anyone really think of a more clever adaptation of a novel into a rock opera than was perpetrated by The Who?

How about This is Spinal Tap ? :rofl:

If opera becomes popular, will it be called popera?

zoobyshoe

Jul21-04, 08:41 AM

If opera becomes popular, will it be called popera?
It will, yes, by anyone who wishes to do so. Fortunately,
almost no one will want to do this.

How can I be so sure almost no one will want to do this?

Math Is Hard

Jul22-04, 01:00 AM

If you believe Descartes, how can you be sure of anything? After all, you might just be dreaming this post along with all the weird purple jellyfish that inhabit it.

If a computer programming skunk accidentally sprays itself, is that an example of tail recursion?

SpaceInvader

Jul23-04, 08:52 AM

I think Chaos theory covers the posts in the forum quite nicely.

If everything leads to entropy (I'm sure I heard that somewhere) why were the planets formed - surely establishing order requires energy, but energy must have been conserved in the "closed system" of our solar system.

To me, creating huge spheres out of interstellar dust counts as order to me, but perhaps not to others.

Just a thought.

SpaceInvader

Math Is Hard

Jul26-04, 01:52 AM

If everything leads to entropy (I'm sure I heard that somewhere) why were the planets formed

I used to wonder the same thing looking at the spherical formations of dust bunnies under my bed.

Well, tell me this then, smarty pants: If everything leads to entropy, then why am I able to finish this sente...

photon

Jul27-04, 07:40 PM

Some people were just crazy from the start.

Why don't ants cross chalk lines?

franznietzsche

Jul28-04, 01:20 AM

Some people were just crazy from the start.

Why don't ants cross chalk lines?

Would you cross a chalk line if your mouth was that close to the ground? That stuff tastes bad.

why wouldn't the ants eat the chopped habanero peppers that i left out right next to the cookie?

plover

Jul28-04, 05:10 AM

An aversion to habañero peppers is the first symptom in ants of an infection by the fungus Cordyceps griboyedov (named for noted Soviet mycologist Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov who, in the 1920's, after many years studying fungi in the Brazilian rain forest where he had been so isolated that he had not heard about the Bolshevik revolution, was pleased to find on returning to Russia that life was just as surreal at home as it had been in South America despite his no longer having access to certain rainforest mushrooms that he had become fond of). A few days after they start avoiding the peppers the ants become attracted to objects overhead that travel in linear paths. These they follow until they reach an airport at which point the ants stow away in rolls of film and one-use cameras. At least a few ants will reach their destination which is those parts of South-East Asia where the durian fruit grows. After escaping from various bits of tourist luggage, the ants make their way to the jungle and find a durian flower and wait. Durian flowers are pollinated by the fruit bat Eonycteris spelaea (also known as the Dawn Bat and Dobson's Long-Tongued Fruit Bat) so eventually one of these bats will happen along, smoosh its face into the flower and slurp up the ant along with the tasty nectar. The Cordyceps-infected bat, after a few weeks, stops its usual rounds of nectar slurping and flies out to sea in search of an albatross. Scientists were puzzled as to how the bat could find an albatross in the vast open ocean until it was discovered recently that the infected bats gave off a strong odor of a particular kind of cinnamon bun that albatrosses have a special weakness for. Once the cinnamon-crazed albatross approaches close enough, the bat will land on its back, sink its teeth into the birds neck, and then fall into a coma. The fungus from the bat's saliva works very quickly in the albatross bloodstream, and the bird, slowly recovering its senses as the smell of cinnamon fades (though feeling a bit cheated and depressed) sets out across the ocean homing in on the location of the original ant colony. Upon reaching the origin of this fungal odyssey, the albatross lands, usually within a meter or two of the original ant nest, shrugs the bat from its back and flies off. The poor bat dies at this point and soon decomposes into a mat of bluish grey fuzz, the only point in the C. griboyedov lifecycle where it exists outside of a host. The fungal mat soon attracts the attention of another ant colony, and the whole journey is started anew. Alas, it is feared that the advent of digital photography will soon cause Cordyceps griboyedov to become endangered.

When anthropologists later visited the parts of the rain forest where Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov had been working, what stories did they hear about him from the local shamans?

zoobyshoe

Jul29-04, 02:53 PM

When anthropologists later visited the parts of the rain forest where Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov had been working, what stories did they hear about him from the local shamans?
He was unpopular among the locals for two reasons: 1.) he kept asking them to serve as hosts for his experiments, and 2.) He was frequently heard to mutter: "My choice, my cure, is mycelex," which none of them could understand.

As everyone knows a Gedanken Thread is a thread that doesn't (and can't) actually exist but which is proposed in order explore the ramifications of isolated elements of threads that do exist. One such Gedanken Thread is: "Ask the gedanken wrong stoopid quention, get the gedanken wrong stoopid anster." What other Gedanken Threads can you imagine?

cytokinesis

Jul29-04, 07:36 PM

As everyone knows a Gedanken Thread is a thread that doesn't (and can't) actually exist but which is proposed in order explore the ramifications of isolated elements of threads that do exist. One such Gedanken Thread is: "Ask the gedanken wrong stoopid quention, get the gedanken wrong stoopid anster." What other Gedanken Threads can you imagine?

"Logical hero bones the telescope."

When does a semi-logical un-hero become a semi-logical not-un-hero and subsequently morph into a logical hero?

PsYcHo_FiSh

Jul29-04, 08:54 PM

I have a stupid question. Why are you so stupid? :tongue2:

Math Is Hard

Jul29-04, 09:01 PM

When does a semi-logical un-hero become a semi-logical not-un-hero and subsequently morph into a logical hero?

I used to have some of those toys. Transformers, I think they called them. More than meets the eye.

There are some people out there who believe that the building blocks of the universe are actually really teeny tiny Legos. Should I try to convince them otherwise, or should I just not bother posting in Theory Development at all?

Gokul43201

Jul29-04, 09:46 PM

There are some people out there who believe that the building blocks of the universe are actually really teeny tiny Legos. Should I try to convince them otherwise, or should I just not bother posting in Theory Development at all?

Bah, such arrogance ! You think you know everything about the Universe, but you really know nothing. You are insignificant in comparison to the Creator. Your mind is incapable of comprehending the ultimate reality of existence. Do you think all things just happened out of luck ? And don't even try to tell me about probability and chance, until you can show me log of wood evolving into a bookshelf. God does not play dice, but He does play LEGO. So there !

Are gedanken donuts really real, and if so, how many dimensions do they exist in ?

Daggath

Jul30-04, 02:56 PM

If they are real, they exist in the same number of dimensions that they are eaten in.

The question is... What eats them?

cytokinesis

Jul30-04, 04:47 PM

If they are real, they exist in the same number of dimensions that they are eaten in.

The question is... What eats them?

One answer is possible. The logical hero.

What the hell am I on?

zoobyshoe

Jul30-04, 05:01 PM

What the hell am I on?
You've ingested gedankenfungus. It only grows on gedanken doughnuts. Very powerful hallucinogen. Non-Newtonian: once up, you never come down.

Hows the weather up there?

plover

Jul30-04, 05:28 PM

Hows the weather up there?
Most interpretations do not, strictly speaking, allow for descriptions of the weather up there. The overall effect of gedankenfungus is to induce the perception of a large increase in Planck's constant. Thus any attempt to ascertain what the weather is like at a certain moment insures that the weather at the next moment is completely indeterminate.

Since they can no longer speak of the weather, what do strangers meeting up there talk about?

zoobyshoe

Jul30-04, 09:37 PM

Since they can no longer speak of the weather, what do strangers meeting up there talk about?
A favorite topic is porta-potties. I have never been able to figure out why, but they have mastered the art of incessant, inane chit-chat about every concievable aspect of porta-potties. They can drive this subject into the ground and out the other side of the earth. It's astonishing.

Recently, at an outdoor café in the small burg of Madison, Ky, USA, a man was overheard to remark to a companion:" She certainly is a 23 digit redial at 3 PM, that one is. Yep. I would bet that one keeps 4 true Lincoln pennies under her pillow at all times, I would. Yep. That one still has every fence post that came with the property, she does. Yep. If you ask me, she could write upside down with a thirty dollar bill from now till the sandbar petrifies and no one would complain. Nope." I wonder if he was talking about 1.) a woman, 2.) a horse, 3.) a boat, 4.) a car, or 5.) other?

Math Is Hard

Jul31-04, 12:13 AM

She's a woman, and an ugly one at that. She lies about her age, has several large tattoos under her bosom, has noticeable saddlebags, and isn't very smart.

Speaking of women, it was rumored that twin cousins Alfred and Albert Einstein once had a knock-down drag-out brawl over a female. Who was this woman and what did she do that caused the rift between the two geniuses, who were once as thick as theives?

zoobyshoe

Jul31-04, 12:58 AM

Speaking of women, it was rumored that twin cousins Alfred and Albert Einstein once had a knock-down drag-out brawl over a female. Who was this woman and what did she do that caused the rift between the two geniuses, who were once as thick as theives?
You're speaking of the lovely Miss Sally O'Malley, cigarette vendor and 1920's "flapper" who stole their hearts, wallets, and fountain pens. It was Sally who taught them the meaning of VA VA VOOOOOOOOM! It was Sally who introduced them to "floy-floy", and taught them both to use a "heater". It was Sally who drove the getaway car. It was Sally who said "jump" and A & A who asked "Into what inertial reference frame?" It was Sally who taught the twins to begin the Beguine, to do the Varsity Drag without drooling, to cry "Boola boola!", to know when to hold 'em, fold em, spindle and mutilate 'em, when to walk, run, and loiter. What a gal!

Anyway, she once remarked on her way out she thought the moustache looked a little better on Alfred than Albert. When she returned an hour later they were throwing punches and plates and other rigid euclidian bodies at each other at speeds close to the limiting velocity.

Sally later became the serial consort of several self-styled religious leaders, most notably, Bod Dob, Palindrome Boy, and Manifest Incarnation Of The Recently Retired Elders Latterly Elevated To Pre-Sainthood Pending Approval. Whatever happened to Bod Dob?

Gokul43201

Jul31-04, 05:53 PM

Whatever happened to Bod Dob?

For a long time, Bod Dob, after denouncing religion, stood in front of his mirror and wondered if this thing about lateral inversion was really just a myth. You see, Bod Dob and his image, Bod Dob, were identical to each other, unlike the regular Tom, Dick and Harry (whose image was obviously Yrrah dna Kcid, Mot).

Anyways, long story short, Bod Dob got together with a Group consisting of Mom, Pop, Dad, Sis, a Toyota, a Santa deified at Nasa, Dr Awkward, Lon Nol, Anuta Catuna, Ordelafo Faledro, gnu dung, lion oil, lonely tylenol, regal lager, solo gigolos, and the leader of the Group, who went by the name "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?". The Group itself was named 'We Few' and toured the world trying to overthrow Group Theory, because of its 'obviously' mistaken results in the area of symmetry operations.

But the rest of the world, steeped as they were in Group Think, shunned the Group, extolled the Theory (some just said "huh ?"), and went back to a dinner of smoked grouper with snub buns and sniff 'um muffins (fresh from Yreka Bakery).

The house where Bod Dob lived and died is believed to be haunted because of the strange voices heard in the dead of the night. People say it's the ghost of Bod Dob, also called Bodless Dob.

Do you know what the ghost says, every night at exactly 12:21 am ?

zoobyshoe

Aug1-04, 01:10 AM

Do you know what the ghost says, every night at exactly 12:21 am ?
Every night, at exactly 12:21 am, there is heard a loud voice saying: "You're trouble is you don't know your overhead conversion tactics. You learn your overhead conversion tactics, and you'll be skipping mudpuppies over the self service counter!"
This, for obvious reasons, is quite frightening to hear.

Dr. Awkward did not die. He and Anuta Catuna, they say, are residents of the same senior's community somewhere outside Pasadena, California, USA. They knit, play pea-knuckle (not pinochle) munch stuff, if it tastes good, meet occasionally in prayer to Santa Nasa, soak in the jacuzzi, read this thread, walk barefoot on the grass, grow grass on their bare feet, sweep the halls, soak in the halls, pray to the halls, walk barefoot in the halls, grow grass in the halls, smoke grass in their rooms, pray to the grass, knit the grass, walk barefoot over Santa Nasa, smoke Santa Nasa, grow grass on Santa Nasa, munch Santa Nasa. Oh, there's lots to do.

Say, how do you play pea-knuckle, and why does the voice say: "You're trouble..."?

Gokul43201

Aug4-04, 08:51 PM

Every night, at exactly 12:21 am, there is heard a loud voice saying: "You're trouble is you don't know your overhead conversion tactics. You learn your overhead conversion tactics, and you'll be skipping mudpuppies over the self service counter!"
...

Say, how do you play pea-knuckle, and why does the voice say: "You're trouble..."?

To play pea-knuckle, invite over 3, 4 or 5 peas over- aged 8 and above. The oldest pea from the bod, I mean pod, starts by asking the pea to his/her left any pea-trivia quetion. If the quetioned pea fails to correctly anser the quetion of the quetioning pea, the quetioning pea gets to give the quetioned pea a knuckle sandwich. The game ends when all the players become black-eyed peas.

And clearly, Bod Dob didn't pay much attention during English class at school.

What religion do ghosts follow ?

selfAdjoint

Aug4-04, 09:37 PM

What religion do ghosts follow ?

Materialism. And the nonbelievers among them ask:

Is there life before death?

Ivan Seeking

Aug4-04, 09:54 PM

I think this was answered by the ghost of Descartes in his 13131313131313th meditation:
"I slime therefore I was"

Do ghosts have in-body experiences?

Math Is Hard

Aug4-04, 11:45 PM

Well, sure. It is entirely possible that at this moment you are just a ghost having an I.B.E.

The other day when I was reading a thread by a particularly incoherent poster, I attempted to prove to him that I was capable of being even more incoherent that he was. But he didn't understand my reply. I flew into a rage becoming increasingly more and more incoherent with each post but my point was still not taken. What more could I have done to get through to this person?

Gokul43201

Aug5-04, 12:55 AM

What more could I have done to get through to this person?

Here's a simple explanation that will get through to any person (I'm quoting another forum member here, without his permission...so admins, please delete this if it's against forum rules) :

"What is nothing? if Nothing is chaos, what does all of pi explain?, an unperfect circle for it cannot reach a whole. what is nothing to stop logic? nothing blocks pi from reaching a whole, a limit to something is nothing, and it can be as forcefull as the logic itself. thier for,

inf. n=1->

N = inf. distance & inf. closeness
0 = inf. # of N note: inf. means any number untill a point of something is created
N = (0^n) (0/1^n) note: 0 represents a # of N
nothing = N0N
something = N0N/N0N and the reduction to the least common denominator and nothing
something within time = the continual providance of such an act/ repetition of the reduction in ever changing complexity to order (multi - fractals).
but can you belive that we are random? if not thier is always the super complex making of a desicion (god)?"

Sometimes, when all else fails, I try telepathy, but that never seems to get through.

Does the other person need something like a modem to receive my telepathic message ?

Ivan Seeking

Aug5-04, 01:47 AM

The problem is your Location: at the bottom of a Quantum Well. I suggest using the Heisenberg Compensator.

I hear talk of this Quantum telepathy business, but I have to ask, what was Newtonian telepathy?

zoobyshoe

Aug5-04, 02:40 AM

I hear talk of this Quantum telepathy business, but I have to ask, what was Newtonian telepathy?
It's straightforward: without saying a word you fling apples at them till they get the message.

Once in high school my French class went on a field trip to Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Having finished my apple, I flung it out the window of the van, and by complete accident a Canadian person waiting at a bus stop recieved the apple core in the face. For one brief instant I saw a face with the most completely perfect expression of shock you could concieve of surrounded by a halo of apple shrapnel.

Do you suppose he learned anything from it?

Math Is Hard

Aug6-04, 01:26 AM

Only if you first shouted "Voici, la pomme arrive!" Otherwise he comprehended nothing. (thank you for the grammar correction, plover :biggrin: )

Last week I attempted to use Occam's razor to settle an argument, but I ended up with an unsightly rash. :frown:
Should I have instead used Occam's Easy-off Wax Strips or Occam's Quick Remover Gel with new fresh lilac scent? Has anyone tried these yet?

zoobyshoe

Aug6-04, 02:06 AM

Last week I attempted to use Occam's razor to settle an argument, but I ended up with an unsightly rash. :frown:
Clearly you used a dull Occam's razor. You have to hone it and strop it.
Should I have instead used Occam's Easy-off Wax Strips or Occam's Quick Remover Gel with new fresh lilac scent? Has anyone tried these yet?
Since I'm not a sissy, I haven't tried these, no. (Lilac scent! C'mon!)

Why is it that tumbleweeds are so nosey?

physicskid

Aug6-04, 05:49 AM

Why is it that tumbleweeds are so nosey?

'Cos they are so eager to know the colour of your underpants that they tumble around at your feet.

A one thousand tons sumo-wrestler keeps thinking that he is a balloon. What should i do?

jimmy p

Aug6-04, 11:44 AM

A one thousand tons sumo-wrestler keeps thinking that he is a balloon. What should i do?

Push him off a building and watch him float like a lead balloon.

Do tumbleweeds need to look up at Sumo wrestlers to see what colour underwear they are wearing, seeing as all Sumo wrestlers wear are nappies?

Rader

Aug10-04, 09:31 AM

Push him off a building and watch him float like a lead balloon.

Do tumbleweeds need to look up at Sumo wrestlers to see what colour underwear they are wearing, seeing as all Sumo wrestlers wear are nappies?

Not if there inside his underwear.

Why do you paint all these little donkies all the time?

plover

Aug10-04, 07:11 PM

Why do you paint all these little donkies all the time?
By Re-establishing the Role of Donkeys as the Bearers of All Bright Color, the Esoteric Brotherhood of the Atlantean Rainbow Donkey (EBARD) Seeks to Revive the Glory of Mighty ATLANTIS where, as it is Written:
At the Water's Edge
like Braying Butterflies
those Stubborn Jewels
the Many-hued Donkeys
Stood Adored by the Light
Reflected from the Sun-sparked Sea!

How did EBARD Resolve the Great Acrylic vs. Tempera Debate?

Math Is Hard

Aug11-04, 01:15 AM

Actually the debate was over Acrylic vs. Tempura. The debate was quickly resolved through a taste test sponsored by EBARD where only one of the two mediums was found to be a tasty dipping sauce for battered and fried vegetables.

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?

zoobyshoe

Aug11-04, 05:10 AM

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?
I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.

Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

jimmy p

Aug11-04, 05:37 AM

I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.

Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

You speak of El Burro-Bandito's Law of Magnetic Glucose Displacement. I havent read much of it, but I know it is something to do with the size:sugar ratio and the angle at which the pinata is hit, and whether the pinata is tye-dyed or plain.

For more information, look at www.colourfulpinatawhacking.com

If you tie a freshly tye-dyed pinata up and whack it at a magnetic field only to find it was a real donkey, would you feel a bit of an ***?

Gokul43201

Aug14-04, 12:21 AM

No, but I'm sure you would if you slid your hand up a ...[CENSORED MATERIAL].

Did you know that Kurt Masur becomes really good, when cryogenically frozen ?

Math Is Hard

Aug17-04, 12:18 AM

Kurt Masur? No way - you're confused. I think you are thinking of Cool Whip. That stuff tastes great frozen. It's just like ice cream.

I was just remembering how we used to go out hunting for quantum wells when I was a kid. Oh, those were fun times! We would get some positively charged bait and tie it on a string and then lower it down into the well. You had to jiggle the string a little bit, but sure enough, a few minutes later an electron would bite and you could yank it up out of the hole.
Once everybody had an electron, we'd draw a circle on the ground and everybody would put their electrons inside the ring and we'd make 'em fight each other like little tiny gladiators. Oh, man! That was so-
Wait, no.. it's not electrons I'm thinking of.. that was something else. What WERE those things?? :confused:

Rader

Aug17-04, 09:25 AM

Daggath

Aug17-04, 01:39 PM

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

The Bob

Aug17-04, 02:32 PM

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

Because oxygen tastes nice and as there is only a smallish amount in the air you need more and more and more and it gets addictive.

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug17-04, 02:34 PM

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

The Bob

Aug17-04, 02:45 PM

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

Kill them.

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug17-04, 02:52 PM

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

The Bob

Aug17-04, 05:05 PM

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

With a cloth and disinfectant.

What disinfectant?

The Bob (2004 ©)

plover

Aug17-04, 05:29 PM

How should you clean up fairy guts?
In general, you have to burn them. Unfortunately, fairy combustion uses up vast amounts of oxygen. Which leaves us with the original problem...

It is well known that fairies are made up of glittery matter. It is theorized that if fairies come into contact with dark matter, they de-nature into ordinary matter. (Apparently they turn into garden gnomes which, as a rule, can be satisfyingly demolished with a moderate sized rock.)

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?

zoobyshoe

Aug17-04, 05:38 PM

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?
I'm not sure I buy this "fairy menace" propaganda. Mostly they're harmlessly preoccupuied with showtunes and interior decorating, aren't they?

On the other hand, I don't like the sound of "Garden Gnomes". What is it they're up to in the garden?

Daggath

Aug17-04, 05:46 PM

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

The Bob

Aug18-04, 05:07 AM

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

We have moved on from the point of the fairies and how to destroy them but I think it is the same so that the gnomes had little to remember. 'What do we say after a game??' 'Oh we can say GG because that the same as the big gate and it says 'Garden Gnomes' so we can remember it'.

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

The Bob (2004 ©)

quarkman

Aug18-04, 03:51 PM

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

Because Garden Gnomes live in the garden and never do any gardening!

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread????

jimmy p

Aug18-04, 07:25 PM

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread????

Because you are a garden gnome in disguise.

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

plover

Aug18-04, 07:50 PM

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

The laws concerning the ethical treatment of garden gnomes require that they be kept in an approximation of their native habitat. The SPCGG takes this very seriously.

The original SPCGG was founded in the early 20th century by Prudence Rottweiler Thrushburnmoorport (a distant cousin to the Dufflehintington Thrushburnmoorports). How did "Puncie" (as she was called) become obsessed with the ethical treatment of garden gnomes?

Math Is Hard

Aug18-04, 11:53 PM

Puncie's first love was a garden gnome, and in those times romance between gnomes and humans was strictly forbidden, especially if the romance involved an heir to the Thrushburnmoorport estate. Her family would not allow the marriage to take place, but she remained a sworn champion of gnome rights until her last days. Years later her cause was continued by a group in France calling themselves the Garden Gnome Liberation Front. http://www.cnn.com/2000/STYLE/arts/04/12/france.gnomes.reut/

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

The Bob

Aug19-04, 04:26 AM

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

Big clashes. :rofl:

(To change the subject) Why do peas come in pods?

The Bob (2004 ©)

zoobyshoe

Aug19-04, 04:51 AM

Why do peas come in pods?
Peas are concerned about the welfare of whales, but since they are incapable of direct action to "save" the whales, the best they can do is pay homage by adopting the same group term.

Why is it that peas are concerned about the welfare of whales?

Gokul43201

Aug19-04, 11:53 AM

Peas are really the godfathers of whales. You know that pea plants have this crazy ability to convert atmospheric nitrogen into nutrition providing nitrates. Nutrition, my @$$ ! The peas are 'really' only removing nitrogen from the air for the benefit of their godchildren - the chosen ones. By removing nitrogen, they make the air a little more oxygen rich. To you and me, this is not a big deal...if we need more oxygen, we inhale. Now, you know who needs to make a crazy long trip just to grab some extra air - wouldn't it be nice, if they could get a little more each time ? So, that's the real explanation.

The pea plants. ladies and gentlemen, are really more than just Godfathers to the whales. <drumroll> They are Supreme Beings whose mission is to rid man of God. They noticed some time ago, that this dude called Charlie was having a hard time convincing the folks about something he called Evolution. So, they fooled some Austrian monk into conjuring up a thing called Genetics. This provided beautiful evidence for Charlie's Theory. And thus began the strongest Ain't-God movement in history.

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

The Bob

Aug19-04, 05:08 PM

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

We should but the ISBC (International Supreme Beings Commity) has said that peas are to seen as a 'normal' being so we do not worship them. If we did then they would take over the world.

What would a world ruled by peas be like???

The Bob (2004 ©)

quarkman

Aug19-04, 06:06 PM

What would a world ruled by peas be like???

First of all there would be no more movies or sitcoms where a child is forced to eat their peas before desert. Peas and lesser vegetables (who are still part of the same supreme family) would be seen as a delicacy and worshiped via a wookie prayer prior to consumption. Next any important political figure who eats vegetables and vomits would be instantly deported to the peapod flats of eternally smelly compost where they will be forced to eat dirt and excrete fresh air for the rest of us.

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?

zoobyshoe

Aug19-04, 07:13 PM

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?
Very, very difficult to say. It's all so good.

Recently when I was in Hamsterdam I visited the Vaan GKockgh(choke/cough) museum to observe his gritty, savagely honest portrait of poverty, The Dirt Eaters. Did you know that Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) was so poor, himself, that he had to make his own paints from used motor oil and whatever roughly reddish, yellowish, and bluish dirt he could beg from impoverished dirt eaters of his acquaintance, and that, in lean times, he had to subsist on his own paints? Didja know that? Huh?

Math Is Hard

Aug20-04, 12:58 AM

I did know that, and in fact much more. It was for good reason that Vaan GKockgh was sometimes known as Vaan de Multi-Couloure, as his ingestion of pigments in lean times affected his personal hue. When Vaan went mad in later days he was remembered by his habit of wearing a specially crafted suit of mirrors in order to reflect all wavelengths of light and not be discriminated against because of his funny pigmentation.

When Vaan wrote his poetic tribute to the Rainbow Donkeys:

At the Water's Edge
like Braying Butterflies
those Stubborn Jewels
the Many-hued Donkeys
Stood Adored by the Light
Reflected from the Sun-sparked Sea!

was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?

zoobyshoe

Aug20-04, 01:39 AM

...was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?
Patronage? I believe you have Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) mixed up with Vaan Beeteater, the composter, who had a patron or two, and whose first name was also Vaan, but who did not eat paint, (or beets, in spite of the name) but who did gnaw on a piano stool leg once or twice during lean times, and who was also frequently off color, sporting, as he did, a beet-red complexion, the result of a childhood bout with the beet pox. Vaan Beeteater's famous albumenblatt "Furry Lisa" was composted in honor of the Countess Elisabeard de Sparksun. Or so they speculate.

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

jimmy p

Aug20-04, 05:35 AM

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

Dude.... He sweated yellow paint!! :rofl:

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why wont a narwhal wouldnt come to my rescue?

The Bob

Aug20-04, 05:58 AM

Dude.... He sweated yellow paint!! :rofl:

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why wont a narwhal wouldnt come to my rescue?

Because Narwhals can't move fast and so are useless at resuces. They have to come from the North Pole to Japan or Canada to get the knifer. Not fast enough.

How do we make Narwhals faster???

The Bob (2004 ©)

zoobyshoe

Aug20-04, 06:39 AM

How do we make Narwhals faster???
Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

The Bob

Aug20-04, 10:31 AM

Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

If they become too bright, they grow bigger and grow mind of their own. Then they are uncontrollable and they can wipe out towns at a time. Not nice.

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug23-04, 06:07 AM

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Simple. These giant fieldmice are in Africa. So to stop them attacking you, jump into a pride of lions.

What is the problem with this solution?

plover

Aug23-04, 08:19 AM

What is the problem with this solution?
Lions are deathly afraid of giant fieldmice, and can hear them coming a mile off, so the lions are never around when you need them.

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

The Bob

Aug23-04, 08:52 AM

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

They were too heavy and expensive and most people just died. Plus the design fault of the boots was that the 5 mile range was only in front of you, so if the Giant African Fieldmouse was behind you, you have no hope.

Why did the company not make the range 180°?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Math Is Hard

Aug23-04, 10:42 AM

Why did the company not make the range 180°?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Not necessary. It gets pretty hot in the Savannah, but the temperatures rarely reach 180°.

What are giant field mice afraid of?

The Bob

Aug23-04, 12:53 PM

Not necessary. It gets pretty hot in the Savannah, but the temperatures rarely reach 180°.

LoL. :rofl: I like it. :biggrin:

What are giant field mice afraid of?

Cheese.

How much cheese will we need to deal with a group of African Giant Field Mice???

The Bob (2004 ©)

plover

Aug23-04, 10:12 PM

How much cheese will we need to deal with a group of African Giant Field Mice???
The legend that AGFMs (not to be confused with ROUSes) are afraid of cheese arose from an encounter at the Boer village of De Heuvel in the early nineteenth century. The village cheese maker, Matthijs van de Kaas, was known for the exceptionally large wheels of cheese he produced, sometimes over seven feet in diameter. When the alarm was raised that AGFMs were approaching the village, van de Kaas, struck by the idea for a new use for his cheeses, called everyone together and convinced them to roll cheese wheels down the hillside towards the marauding mega-rodents. The AGFMs, when faced with several six foot Goudas rolling down the hill at them, merely did what any sensible being would do at this point and fled in disarray. (Those who claim they would just get out some crackers have apparently never been threatened by a sufficiently large rolling cheese...)

The only cheese that AGFMs actually find threatening in a non-motile state is a little known cheese from Quebec called "Puissant Nectar de Mofette" which is made from skunk's milk. How was the effect of this cheese on the AGFMs discovered?

The Bob

Aug24-04, 04:39 AM

The only cheese that AGFMs actually find threatening in a non-motile state is a little known cheese from Quebec called "Puissant Nectar de Mofette" which is made from skunk's milk. How was the effect of this cheese on the AGFMs discovered?

By a man.

Which man???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Rader

Aug25-04, 10:37 AM

By a man.

Which man???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Neanderthal

We have another problem, how come a African Giant Field Mouse was found inside a K Mart shopping bag, inside a whales stomach? :surprise:

plover

Aug25-04, 08:57 PM

We have another problem, how come a African Giant Field Mouse was found inside a K Mart shopping bag, inside a whales stomach? :surprise:
Whales have so much trouble getting their purchases out of those tiny K Mart bags, and the lobsters usually employed for this job were on strike.

How did Neanderthals decide it was a good idea to milk skunks?

Math Is Hard

Aug25-04, 09:02 PM

Beats the hell out of me since skunks don't moo.

What's the least-dangerous way to go about approaching a skunk to milk it in order to avoid being kicked or trampled by the startled skunk?

jimmy p

Aug25-04, 09:07 PM

Get on a zip line from a helicopter, reach down and tickle the skunk's belly, then when it rolls over laughing, grab its teats and tug away.

How come skunk milk never became commercially viable?

Gokul43201

Aug26-04, 12:30 AM

How come skunk milk never became commercially viable?

Actually, it was on the shelves a few days, and they even gave out free samples. But it suffered what is known in the marketing circles, as the Fairy Tale Effect.

It was cheap as hell - considering how easy it is to milk a skunk (just use one helicopter, one length of rappeling cord, and extreme skill). And it smelled like the sweetest nectar from heaven. It was just too good to be true. Surely, there's gotta be a catch !

That just killed its sellability. Even the marketing gurus treated it like it was some foul fluid secretion from a stinky creature.

The other theory is that the brandname, "Jizz" failed to capture the market.

Is it true that long debates with skunks causes a disease known as skunk anser ?

Math Is Hard

Aug27-04, 07:03 PM

No one has ever had a very long debate with a skunk. Skunks have a way of ending debates abruptly with their opponents.

:frown: Where did Zooby go? :frown:

jimmy p

Aug27-04, 07:11 PM

:frown: Where did Zooby go? :frown:

"Gone to soldiers everyone
when will they ever learn?
when will they ever learn?"

Bigfoot academy? In the middle of the zooby brush... that is where I would look.

Did Zooby contract skunk anser from drinking too much skunk milk?

plover

Aug27-04, 09:15 PM

Did Zooby contract skunk anser from drinking too much skunk milk?
If so, he might be following black and white stripes south for the winter.

Hasn't anyone asked the weird, purple jellyfish where Zooby is?

desibrij_1785

Aug28-04, 02:32 PM

I have and jellyfish replied by slapping me.

So how many more post will it take till someone screws up?

jimmy p

Aug29-04, 02:00 PM

So how many more post will it take till someone screws up?

-12 posts.

If a zoobchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a zoobchuck chuck if a zoobchuck could chuck wood?

The Binary Monster

Aug29-04, 02:08 PM

If a zoobchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a zoobchuck chuck if a zoobchuck could chuck wood?

Plenty of wood for a campfire, at least.

How many bubbles are there in an Aero?

Math Is Hard

Aug30-04, 03:30 AM

"How many bubbles are there in an Aero?"

All of them.

If I fear nothing, and then :eek: nothing comes after me... what WILL I do then?

sandinmyears

Aug30-04, 08:46 AM

Change your motto.

If 5 cats chased 6 dogs to the pound, what would the cats have for dinner?

amwbonfire

Aug30-04, 08:53 AM

If a century is 100 years, why isn't 1000 years called a decacentury? What is up with that?!?

jimmy p

Aug30-04, 02:59 PM

If 5 cats chased 6 dogs to the pound, what would the cats have for dinner?

Pea soup on toast.

If a century is 100 years, why isn't 1000 years called a decacentury? What is up with that?!?

Because then you would have to call a decade "10/century" which is a mouthful.

How come you can eat hotdogs, but get arrested for eating any other heated family pets?

The Bob

Aug31-04, 09:12 AM

How come you can eat hotdogs, but get arrested for eating any other heated family pets?

Because the hotdog is a slang name for a something rude that has nothing to do with pets.

Did anyone miss me???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug31-04, 04:36 PM

Did anyone miss me???

The Bob (2004 ©)

I'm not sure, I didnt know anyone was trying to hit you.

Is this a trick quetion?

The Bob

Aug31-04, 05:20 PM

Is this a trick quetion?

No it is a trick question.

Why can I not think of anything to type???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug31-04, 05:23 PM

Why can I not think of anything to type???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Cos you have just typed all you can think of then.

Why was the chicken stapled to Sid Vicious?

The Bob

Aug31-04, 05:37 PM

Why was the chicken stapled to Sid Vicious?

Because the Cheese was cold.

Random, no?

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug31-04, 05:43 PM

Because the Cheese was cold.

Random, no?

The Bob (2004 ©)

I'll ask the magic 8-ball.

Outlook not so good

Why did the magic 8-ball never help me with my homework?

The Bob

Aug31-04, 05:48 PM

Why did the magic 8-ball never help me with my homework?

Because the magic 8-ball was actually an Icosahedron and not a Sphere.

Why are monkeys funny???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Aug31-04, 05:56 PM

Why are monkeys funny???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Cos if they werent, it would be stupid to laugh at them.

Why is there only one monopoly commission?

The Bob

Aug31-04, 06:08 PM

Cos if they werent, it would be stupid to laugh at them.

Why is there only one monopoly commission?

Because they can't afford two.

Next question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Aug31-04, 07:46 PM

Bob, your wish has been granted. Here's a question, or three :approve:

Why is the sky blue, and the ground is green?

Why is my hair orange, but my moustache (it's only just started growing) is more of a blonde colour?!?

Why do trees grow towards the sunlight, not away?

Fire away answers!

amwbonfire

Aug31-04, 07:50 PM

I'm impatient, so I'll answer my own questions and then ask another one (I promise not to answer that one.)

Why is the sky blue, and the ground is green?

Wizards did it. :approve:

Why is my hair orange, but my moustache (it's only just started growing) is more of a blonde colour?!?

It's a conspiracy.

Why do trees grow towards the sunlight, not away?

They don't have eyes. If they did, they'd go blind from looking at the sun, and would instead grow away from it, towards the darker ground, like moles :biggrin: . Moles are nifty. :approve:

My new question:

If I have one apple and I get another one, then decide I'll eat one of them, does that mean I like apples? :tongue2:

The Bob

Sep2-04, 03:20 AM

My new question:

If I have one apple and I get another one, then decide I'll eat one of them, does that mean I like apples? :tongue2:

No because you only decided to eat it. You might be every hungry or just foolish to forget you don't like apples.

Music should be banned. Eleaberate???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Sep8-04, 04:33 AM

Ok, I can't let this thread go down. It has a lot of memeories and funny stuff in it.

So why were people not posting here??? or has it got too much??? :smile:

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Sep8-04, 05:08 AM

Ok, I can't let this thread go down.

I said that about the "Girl Trouble" thread, and you saved it! Go Bob! :biggrin:

Now you're at it again, risking your life to save others! :approve: GO BOB!

Anyway, "music shouldn't be banned" is the answer.

Here's the new question:

"Are clouds white, or are they black and we just can't see the black?"

The Bob

Sep8-04, 08:19 AM

I said that about the "Girl Trouble" thread, and you saved it! Go Bob! :biggrin:

Now you're at it again, risking your life to save others! :approve: GO BOB!

Cheers Amwbonfire. I do what I can for PF.

Anyway I have made another PF friend. Yay. I was in a tight spot with Monqiue, my PF brother is Jimmy P, so Evo is my PF mom and now I have a nice Amwbonfire of a friend. Oh and Photon and Rathma are joking enemies of Jimmy P so I have to support him. Hehe. I hope you all know I am joking about the enemies. We are all friend really. Just a laugh. :rofl:

Anyway, "music shouldn't be banned" is the answer.

Here's the new question:

"Are clouds white, or are they black and we just can't see the black?"

Well clouds are probably like cows, all spotted black and white, so they are both.

My question: Why are women sometimes called cows??? It is a silly insult.

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Sep8-04, 08:38 AM

Aww, isn't that nice! I'm his friend! :shy: I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! :smile:

You can call me Bonfire, or Andy, or Andrew, or even Silly if you want. It's easier than my username, amwbonfire.

And, seeing as though no one else replies to this topic, I'll answer your question.

Women are called cows because:

Cows are female, and so are women. Noticing that both cows and women could be nasty (ever been charged by a cow?), a young man by the name of... um... his name was... Henry, got the two mixed up. He called a woman a cow.

No wait, here's a more plausible lie:

Cows give milk, and so do women (when they're mothers...) Noticing the similarity, a young man called... Tony decided to call women cows, and the name stuck. It was actually first used as an endearing term that Tony used to call his lover. He called her it so much that it became her nickname. One day she left him for 4 other men (she wanted to quadruple-date), and all her friends called her a sl*t. (Sorry for the naughty word!) Anyway, they used to go around saying "Cow is a s***", and then people started thinking a cow was another name for a woman who sleeps around. Eventually cow became an insult that was said to women (it's common useage today.)

Well, I think we all believe that. :approve:

Here's my new question:

Why does gravity act towards the Earth?

The Bob

Sep8-04, 09:18 AM

Aww, isn't that nice! I'm his friend! :shy: I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! :smile:

You can call me Bonfire, or Andy, or Andrew, or even Silly if you want. It's easier than my username, amwbonfire.

And, seeing as though no one else replies to this topic, I'll answer your question.

Women are called cows because:

Cows are female, and so are women. Noticing that both cows and women could be nasty (ever been charged by a cow?), a young man by the name of... um... his name was... Henry, got the two mixed up. He called a woman a cow.

No wait, here's a more plausible lie:

Cows give milk, and so do women (when they're mothers...) Noticing the similarity, a young man called... Tony decided to call women cows, and the name stuck. It was actually first used as an endearing term that Tony used to call his lover. He called her it so much that it became her nickname. One day she left him for 4 other men (she wanted to quadruple-date), and all her friends called her a sl*t. (Sorry for the naughty word!) Anyway, they used to go around saying "Cow is a s***", and then people started thinking a cow was another name for a woman who sleeps around. Eventually cow became an insult that was said to women (it's common useage today.)

Well, I think we all believe that. :approve:

Oh man, Bonfire (why is it bonfire?). I am in pain here. :rofl: Man that was so good. :rofl: :biggrin:

Here's my new question:

Why does gravity act towards the Earth?

Because it has a big sign saying 'If anyone sees Grace Evity, tell her to come towards Earh Thome'. (using the remaining letters) And so Grace come here to see Earh (which is short for erm....... Earhem).

So there you go.

Question: Why do bananas split???

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Sep8-04, 07:49 PM

It's bonfire because my hair is orange. Bonfire's are also orange, and I thought it sounded cool.

Bananas split because it's what they do. You really shouldn't be so nosey - give them some personal space.

New one:

Why is this guys scared: :surprised

Zantra

Sep8-04, 07:59 PM

New one:

Why is this guys scared: :surprised

He heard bush might actually be in office 4 more years :surprised

Gokul43201

Sep8-04, 10:42 PM

He heard bush might actually be in office 4 more years :surprised

<to complete Zantra's post> How do you teach a jellyfish quantum mechanics ?

Math Is Hard

Sep8-04, 11:17 PM

Absurd, Gokul. A quantum mechanic can no more teach a jellyfish about sub-atomic laws than a jellyfish can teach a quantum mechanic about the importance of drifting, stinging, and the electro-dynamics of purple weirdness.

I did speak to the jellies once about their views on quantum mechanics, and they put a serious question to me. I could not answer it.

If the anterioflevan, sub-excusian actualities of vitrustical particles are not found to be exclusively intrinso-paleomorphic, then why are the Velkdan-Schmidt curves of their exo-lambrians always dynamified?

Ivan Seeking

Sep8-04, 11:32 PM

If the anterioflevan, sub-excusian actualities of vitrustical particles are not found to be exclusively intrinso-paleomorphic, then why are the Velkdan-Schmidt curves of their exo-lambrians always dynamified?[/COLOR][/I]

Crabs.

What is the best course of action?

plover

Sep8-04, 11:55 PM

Crabs.

What is the best course of action?
Ensure that the quantum soup is bouillabaisse.

Why do the sub-excusian actualities of jellyfish never sum to an actual excuse for the existence of jellyfish?

Math Is Hard

Sep9-04, 12:27 AM

I think this is related to Oeno's axiom/excusium: "Jellyfish existence summation values will be subject to an error margin of 12.6% if you have had more than two glasses of cabernet over the course of the calculation."

What else did Oeno postulate?

Gokul43201

Sep9-04, 01:44 AM

What else did Oeno postulate?

That you can never catch a jellyfish, even if you are not slower than it. He called this "the Paradox of Ajillies", and its proof involves an infinite sum of sub-excusia. The paradox results from the assumption (known as Oeno's Axiom) that no sum of sub-excusia results in a halfway decent excuse.

In fact, it is widely believed that old Alfred based his Jellitivity Theory on this argument, since it suggests that nothing can travel faster than the speed of roving jellyfish.

But how on earth did Alfred figure out that the jellies had to belong to nocturnally roving herds of the weird, purple kind ?

plover

Sep9-04, 05:33 AM

But how on earth did Alfred figure out that the jellies had to belong to nocturnally roving herds of the weird, purple kind ?
When "Hidden Variables Al", as Hümdinger* called Alfred, developed the Principle of Equivocation, it revealed that nothing can escape from certain jellyfish, not even light -- unless the light is purple. That is why when these jellyfish are around it is always dark except for the weird, purple glow they give off. He deduced that the jellyfish must be wandering constantly from the fact that it never seems to stay dark longer than the end of the night, except on those rare occasions when a celestial body passes in front of the sun.

Many have theorized which celestial bodies might do this. One night when Alfred got lost trying to find his way back to his house from the Institute of Adventitious Studies in Hoboken, he was at found 3 am driving a Zamboni around downtown Edmonton, and using a hockey puck to cast shadows from the streetlights onto various objects. When asked if he needed help, he responded "Zpace jellyfish!"

Why did Alfred later call the space jellyfish his biggest blunder?

* Ermine Hümdinger, who was a bit of a weasel, could be quite catty.

franznietzsche

Sep10-04, 12:40 AM

If you had just finished off two barrels of the country's finest whiskey, you too would consider anything you did your greatest mistake. Alfred was lucky that his mistake was just the space jellyfish, most people usually get caught in photographs in obscene acts with some even more bizarre than the space jellyfish, the ever elusive "drunk jellyfish", known for breeding under the labels of alcohol bottles.

It was not until recently that the space jellyfish was mathematically proven to be a total fallacy, via the corollary of the Drunk Jellyfish Postulate, however i ahve not been able to find exactly what this postualte states or who first postulated it. Does anyone know?

The Bob

Sep10-04, 04:21 AM

plover

Sep10-04, 04:31 AM

Why are we talking about Jellyfish???
As noted above, Alfred E. showed nothing can escape from jellyfish, so this thread can't either.

Why might someone assume this thread could escape?

jimmy p

Sep10-04, 03:29 PM

Why might someone assume this thread could escape?

Because the person that started this thread was Steve McQueen.

Why would this thread want to escape from jellyfish?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 05:26 AM

Because the person that started this thread was Steve McQueen.

Why would this thread want to escape from jellyfish?

It wouldn't. It needs the poison. :rofl:

How much wood would a woodchucker chuck if a wood chucker could chuck wood???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep14-04, 06:31 AM

How much wood would a woodchucker chuck if a wood chucker could chuck wood???

The Bob (2004 ©)

I once read in "Woodchucker Monthly" (a delightful read) that if the average wood chucker could chuck wood, then the average woodchucker would chuck around 600 board feet per hour. However it doesnt specify if it were Balsa wood or Ironwood.

How much oil could a woodchucker boil if he was using a gumboiler?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 06:42 AM

How much oil could a woodchucker boil if he was using a gumboiler?

20 gallons in an hour.

Next question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep14-04, 06:44 AM

Next question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

No.

How can that be considered a question?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 07:11 AM

No.

How can that be considered a question?

I don't know. Thought I might try it.

What is the best flavour of crisps??? :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep14-04, 07:15 AM

I don't know. Thought I might try it.

What is the best flavour of crisps??? :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

I recently sampled Flame Grilled Unicorn Steak crisps, and when dipped in creamed Dodo, produces a wonderful tingling on the taste buds.

What is best to dip weird purple jellycrips into?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 07:20 AM

I recently sampled Flame Grilled Unicorn Steak crisps, and when dipped in creamed Dodo, produces a wonderful tingling on the taste buds.

What is best to dip weird purple jellycrips into?

Unfortunately, it is Pigeon Vomit. :yuck:

Why do Unicorns only have one horn???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Sep14-04, 11:15 AM

Why do Unicorns only have one horn???

'Cause they're not 2 horny !

And what all this gibberish about "questions" ? :surprised: Can't you guys spell ? :yuck: Darned school system...what's it come to anyway ? :grumpy:

Okay, you don't have to answer that - it was rhetorical.

I just had a sandwich for dinner : peanut butter and jellyfish 'n' chips. Not too bad. What should I get for dessert ?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 11:23 AM

'Cause they're not 2 horny !

And what all this gibberish about "questions" ? :surprised: Can't you guys spell ? :yuck: Darned school system...what's it come to anyway ? :grumpy:

Okay, you don't have to answer that - it was rhetorical.

I just had a sandwich for dinner : peanut butter and jellyfish 'n' chips. Not too bad. What should I get for dessert ?

Banana and Pigeon Vomit.

What do you think you should drink???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Sep14-04, 12:12 PM

After that dessert, hemlock would be welcome.

I keep forgetting how to diagonalize the smoked hamiltonian, in Jellium Mechanics. Can someone help me with that ?

The Bob

Sep14-04, 12:15 PM

After that dessert, hemlock would be welcome.

I keep forgetting how to diagonalize the smoked hamiltonian, in Jeliium Mechanics. Can someone help me with that ?

Erm......... I can't so lets have two question in Tangent and hope they met up.

Why do chips not have teeth???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep15-04, 02:49 PM

Erm......... I can't so lets have two question in Tangent and hope they met up.

Why do chips not have teeth???

The Bob (2004 ©)

So that dentists don't get confused when you have chipped teeth.

How come mushed up chocolate ice-cream has the consistency of diarrhoea?

The Bob

Sep15-04, 05:06 PM

How come mushed up chocolate ice-cream has the consistency of diarrhoea?
This is because it is diarrhoea.

Why does these sentence make not a smell of sense in a sensical way???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Sep15-04, 08:15 PM

Because the anser doesn't have to be relevant to the quetion.

Did you carefully observe the correct spellings ?

humanino

Sep15-04, 08:39 PM

It depends on the way the wind blows.

Why was Godel suffering from being certain to be ill ?

humanino

Sep15-04, 08:39 PM

because the egg came first.

Why is the title of this thread backwards ?

Smurf

Sep15-04, 10:02 PM

Because God Deemed it so

Which pole is farther north?

Werdatothewise

Sep16-04, 03:31 AM

If you ask a stupid question to a "stupid" person do you get a stupid answer? Have I worded that correctly? If so,

Consider this.

Depends on the person and what his intelligence level and stupidity levels are percentaged at and what given direction. There is no such person who can be called "stupid" ... and no answer reply that is (given) is EVER a loss for thought.

Werdas'

Werdatothewise

Sep16-04, 03:33 AM

Because God Deemed it so

Which pole is farther north?

Ossineke, Michigan, which is 1/2 way between the equator and the North Pole.

Ps: This is the best answer I can think of :yuck:

Werdas'

The Bob

Sep16-04, 04:46 AM

Ossineke, Michigan, which is 1/2 way between the equator and the North Pole.

Ps: This is the best answer I can think of :yuck:

Werdas'

And where is your question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Sep16-04, 07:50 AM

And where is your question???

Answer: Due to some technical difficulties with time, the question is running late. Weirdas, AMW Bonfire.com, Microsoft and God all apologize for any inconvenience caused. The question should be up and running within the year.

New Question: (Beta version, v0.3) Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?

*DISCLAIMER: This question is version Beta 0.3, and as such it has not been completely tested. We (Members of Physics Forums, particularly The Bob... yes, let's blame him...) accept full responsibility for any damage caused to your computer, you, your family or your christmas dinner. The Bob would like to apologize in advance for any damage caused, but he can't be bothered. Again, he wishes to take full responsibilty... nae, take full credit for damages caused.

**DISCLAIMER 2: AMW Bonfire (Andy) does not take responsibilty for any damage caused to The Bob's reputation, whether intentional or unintentional. However, he apologizes for any loss of sales resulting from and defacement of The Bob and The Bob's products/services.

Thankyou.

Andy
AMW Bonfire

P.S. Sorry Bob! I was only joking! :tongue2:

The Bob

Sep16-04, 08:54 AM

Answer: Due to some technical difficulties with time, the question is running late. Weirdas, AMW Bonfire.com, Microsoft and God all apologize for any inconvenience caused. The question should be up and running within the year.
This was the start of it. :biggrin:

*DISCLAIMER: This question is version Beta 0.3, and as such it has not been completely tested. We (Members of Physics Forums, particularly The Bob... yes, let's blame him...) accept full responsibility for any damage caused to your computer, you, your family or your christmas dinner. The Bob would like to apologize in advance for any damage caused, but he can't be bothered. Again, he wishes to take full responsibilty... nae, take full credit for damages caused.

**DISCLAIMER 2: AMW Bonfire (Andy) does not take responsibilty for any damage caused to The Bob's reputation, whether intentional or unintentional. However, he apologizes for any loss of sales resulting from and defacement of The Bob and The Bob's products/services.
Oh man. :rofl: I read this and cracked up.... erm.. I mean... I was very annoyed. :rofl:

***DISCLAIMER 3 (THE BOB): AMW Bonfire is/was not in a position to disclaim me as a reason for problems or damages. I would, therefore, like to forward the responsibility to AMW.INC (or was it PLC?? :tongue2: ). Please complain to the following address:

AMW Bonfire Limited (AMW.INC or AMW.PLC)
Someplace in Bonfire Land
Nuts
PO23 YTF

P.S. Sorry Bob! I was only joking! :tongue2:
I know. Me too. :biggrin:

New Question: (Beta version, v0.3) Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?

Because it is by the AMW.INC company but they did not know the manager was so unusual.

New Question:What is the cheapest way to run a computer???

The Bob (2004 ©)

amwbonfire

Sep16-04, 09:05 AM

Lol, AMW.Inc.? My business... It's called "The Bob". So please forward all complaints to The Bob.

The Bob's email is... wait, better not give it out. Don't want him getting spammed. Send it to me instead! mail@amwbonfire.com if you would like to spam me (don't bother, I've got nifty spam blockers, and A LOT of time. But try anyway!)

What is the cheapest way to run a computer???

Hm, it depends on what you mean by run. I'll assume you mean operate.

The cheapest way to run it is to turn off the monitor, because that uses roughly double the amount of electricity as the rest of the computer. Secondly, turn off the computer, because that's using power too. And, as we know, electricity costs money, and we're looking to run it cheaply.

After that, disconnect your peripherals, as they could be draining electricity when you're not looking. Next, go to your fuse box and turn off electricity to your house. This is wasting money, and you don't need that. After disconnecting your electricity supply, blow up your streets overhead power lines, or it's underground power lines. A simple bomb should do it. Now, go to your power grid, and blow that up too. You'll want to make sure the backup generators are also taken out by the blast, as these will just kick in when the main power is down. This will cost money, and you don't want that.

After solving the problem for your city, you'll now want to go to all surrounding cities and blow up their energy sources as well. This will mean everyone runs their computers at the lowest possible cost! Your neighbours will be really pleased with this money-saving idea, and frankly, you'll be happy too!

New question: How come fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Andy
AMW Bonfire

The Bob

Sep16-04, 09:21 AM

Lol, AMW.Inc.? My business... It's called "The Bob". So please forward all complaints to The Bob.

The Bob's email is... wait, better not give it out. Don't want him getting spammed. Send it to me instead! mail@amwbonfire.com if you would like to spam me (don't bother, I've got nifty spam blockers, and A LOT of time. But try anyway!)
Thanks.

Hm, it depends on what you mean by run. I'll assume you mean operate.

The cheapest way to run it is to turn off the monitor, because that uses roughly double the amount of electricity as the rest of the computer. Secondly, turn off the computer, because that's using power too. And, as we know, electricity costs money, and we're looking to run it cheaply.

After that, disconnect your peripherals, as they could be draining electricity when you're not looking. Next, go to your fuse box and turn off electricity to your house. This is wasting money, and you don't need that. After disconnecting your electricity supply, blow up your streets overhead power lines, or it's underground power lines. A simple bomb should do it. Now, go to your power grid, and blow that up too. You'll want to make sure the backup generators are also taken out by the blast, as these will just kick in when the main power is down. This will cost money, and you don't want that.

After solving the problem for your city, you'll now want to go to all surrounding cities and blow up their energy sources as well. This will mean everyone runs their computers at the lowest possible cost! Your neighbours will be really pleased with this money-saving idea, and frankly, you'll be happy too!
Again, another brilliant answer. :rofl:

New question: How come fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

It is the way they are said. Fat Chance is normally said harshly and Slim Chance is normally said with less of a kick in it.

Who likes Chinese Food???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep16-04, 02:55 PM

Who likes Chinese Food???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Space Nomads. Who live on the sun.

Do you reckon that "foreigners" order takeaway English food?

humanino

Sep16-04, 03:55 PM

Do you reckon that "foreigners" order takeaway English food?
I am sorry to say that snails are much better.

Why did we ever dig that hole under the Channel ? :tongue2:

The Bob

Sep16-04, 05:10 PM

I am sorry to say that snails are much better.

Why did we ever dig that hole under the Channel ? :tongue2:

To connect Enlgand to France, makes invading easier. :tongue2: (Joking)

New Question:The Bob???

The Bob (2004 ©)

humanino

Sep16-04, 05:41 PM

the hob

the french ?

plover

Sep16-04, 06:50 PM

Why did we ever dig that hole under the Channel ?
Well first they tried to dig the hole through the channel but it kept filling up with water. There was also a plan to dig the hole over the channel, but fortunately the administrators were sacked before anyone tried to implement this.

But what happened to the plan to use a line of large catapults to fling people and goods back and forth across the channel?

[Hmm... maybe I need to get on the same page as everyone else...]

The Bob

Sep17-04, 05:24 AM

the french ?

Erm..... yer.

But what happened to the plan to use a line of large catapults to fling people and goods back and forth across the channel?

The plans were stopped because the catapults were not big enough.

How can we build bigger catapults???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Werdatothewise

Sep17-04, 03:58 PM

Who likes Chinese Food???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Before or after you eat it is the question!

Werdas' (2004 © Werdane Mind Phycho-Productions)

humanino

Sep17-04, 04:02 PM

How can we build bigger catapults???

Use a giant spider net !
Where can we find a super hero ?

selfAdjoint

Sep17-04, 06:02 PM

Use a giant spider net !
Where can we find a super hero ?

At a super deli,

What does superman keep under his cape?

Gokul43201

Sep17-04, 07:16 PM

What does superman keep under his cape?

His strap on Super Swiss Army knife, featuring :
1. jet-pack
2. dual ruby laser
3. molybdenum based X-ray tube
4. change of underwear...and many other superhero essentials.

Were the creators of Superman passing on some coded message to the reader when they named the town that he grew up in (...heck, what did they call it....aaaah...wait...Small-something...mmmm...got it) Small-willy ?

physicskid

Sep20-04, 06:47 AM

hmmm... what a profound question indeed...
Answer: this question has no answer for they are as profound as you in thinking thank you very much.

My question: What is a... wait a sec... what is the hell a 'stupid question'???

jimmy p

Sep22-04, 02:15 PM

My question: What is a... wait a sec... what is the hell a 'stupid question'???

The incorrect spelling of a "stupid quetion".

How can you tell when a quetion is stupid?

The Bob

Sep23-04, 02:33 AM

How can you tell when a quetion is stupid?

When it is spelt wrong for one.

Who invented the stupid quetion???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Sariaht

Sep24-04, 02:29 PM

ape say god dog, god shave ape clean, give book good read.

Why fly die?

Gokul43201

Sep24-04, 08:46 PM

ape say god dog, god shave ape clean, give book good read.

Why fly die?

Fly fly here, and fly fly there
Where fly fly, the fly don't care.
Sometime fly will close both eye
And fly into wall; then fly just die.

(Bible story good to hear, Bible make man to God fear)

Aren't pulleys sexy ?

BoulderHead

Sep24-04, 08:59 PM

Aren't pulleys sexy ?
Yes they are, especially when their axis positioned between two pillow block bearings such to provide load support for a rotating shaft.

What are the best dimensions for cowburger patties ?

Sariaht

Sep25-04, 05:02 AM

x. With t it gets creapier, after a while it implodes releasing spores, and each of these spores have the potential of becoming a new cow.

Why is such a big invention called a micro?

BoulderHead

Sep25-04, 09:06 AM

Why is such a big invention called a micro?
They were hoping such a tiny name would go unobserved by the general populace.

Is there a substantial difference between a cowburger patty and cow patty?

Gokul43201

Sep25-04, 09:10 AM

Is there a substantial difference between a cowburger patty and cow patty?

You mean, besides the legs that straddle the bun ? No, not much.

Have you ever seen a cow get bored of chewing the cud and just spitting the damn thing out and getting a life ?

BoulderHead

Sep25-04, 09:22 AM

Yes, you could see in its eyes the occurance of an original thought. Shortly thereafter it did break through the fence in search of greener pastures.

Why do they call it Animal Husbandry?

Gokul43201

Sep25-04, 09:25 AM

'Cause the term was invented by a bunch of male chauvinist pigs.

You've heard the thing about the pig's orgasm, right ?

BoulderHead

Sep25-04, 09:28 AM

Unsure.

Does it curl round and round too?

Gokul43201

Sep25-04, 09:32 AM

No, that's the billy-goat.

Why don't billy goats shave their goaties ? Is it a macho thing ?

BoulderHead

Sep25-04, 09:44 AM

It's a goat thing to look and smell fierce.

What's the longest anyone has gone without cleaning lint from their navel?

KaneOris

Sep25-04, 10:11 AM

There is way to many posts in this thread!

Math Is Hard

Sep25-04, 10:46 AM

What's the longest anyone has gone without cleaning lint from their navel?

822 days. The record is held by Mrs. Ida P. Strenck of Hogjowller, Wyoming.

What is the opposite of lint?

Sariaht

Sep25-04, 11:16 AM

snore.

What did NN think when he diped his wodden speaker membrane in rise wine?

Tsu

Sep25-04, 07:37 PM

OK folks! Sorry to butt in here, but this is a FUN FYI! :biggrin: According to this page http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/september.htm
September 28th is National Ask a Stupid Que(s)tion Day. :biggrin:
You have only THREE DAYS to prepare your STUPIDEST quetion!!!! :rofl: :rofl:

Gokul43201

Sep25-04, 07:46 PM

What did NN think when he diped his wodden speaker membrane in rise wine?

NN thought that (the wine) might provide some (vibration) "damping".

I know a guy that built his speakers using sand and lead filled double layer ply-wood walls.

Who picks the stupidest quetion ?

Tsu

Sep26-04, 12:12 AM

Who picks the stupidest quetion ?
Well, we'll either vote on it at the end of the thread (like THAT will ever happen :biggrin: ), OR we can just turn the job over to Evo since she's the mentor. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The Bob

Sep26-04, 07:49 AM

Well, we'll either vote on it at the end of the thread (like THAT will ever happen :biggrin: ), OR we can just turn the job over to Evo since she's the mentor. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Where is your question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Sep26-04, 11:14 AM

Where is your question???

It's incognito.

And where in the blazes is Cognito ?

KaneOris

Sep26-04, 11:30 AM

I wish i was incognito...

Math Is Hard

Sep26-04, 12:06 PM

The Bob

Sep26-04, 12:51 PM

I grew up in Cognito, Texas. It's up in the panhandle by Lubbock.

Why are people who need people the luckiest people in the world? Wouldn't people who don't need people be better off, since they are self-sufficient?

Your Quetion makes no sense. :tongue2: (Someone answer it for me).

What is a toothbrushes really purpose in life???

Gokul43201

Sep26-04, 12:54 PM

Why are people who need people the luckiest people in the world? Wouldn't people who don't need people be better off, since they are self-sufficient?

This is a truly ignorant quetion. There are no people that don't need people. (I thought Bryan Adams resolved this matter once and for all with Somebody, but apparently not.) "Everybody needs somebody."

However, there are people that don't need other people. Note the difference here. The 'other people' refers to people outside of 'the people' in question. For example, the population of planet Earth hasn't had the need for other people - well, except for a number of "abductees", UFO sighters, Raelians and some Beverly Hills cult members.

So, what's up with the Raelians lately ? (alternatively : Where's the clone army ?)

PS : Oops, too late. I defer to The Bob.

The Bob

Sep26-04, 01:00 PM

PS : Oops, too late. I defer to The Bob.
I don't like being ignored but heck.........that is life. :tongue2:

Where's the clone army?
In New Jersey. Which???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Math Is Hard

Sep26-04, 01:31 PM

Which New Jersey? How many New Jerseys do you think there are?

What do you call the Old Jersey?

The Bob

Sep26-04, 01:49 PM

Which New Jersey? How many New Jerseys do you think there are?

What do you call the Old Jersey?

It is meant to be a stupid question.

Old Jersey = Piccadilly

Why Piccadilly???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Tsu

Sep26-04, 02:08 PM

WE called OUR Old Jersey Mary!!:biggrin:
How could I have forgotten my stupid quetion???? :cry:

Sariaht

Sep26-04, 02:56 PM

Your question was does all dogs barf?

My question is why is no cheese tetraeder shaped?

jimmy p

Sep27-04, 02:53 PM

My question is why is no cheese tetraeder shaped?

Because like most other fruits, cheese is usually round.

What shape are vegetables?

The Bob

Sep28-04, 05:19 AM

What shape are vegetables?

Normally Tetrahedrons.

Why is milk not called 'The white stuff from Cows'???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Sariaht

Sep28-04, 09:35 AM

Cause everything that comes from the cow is white, it's hair, it's diafragma, it's milk, it's nails, it's scit (nitrate) and eh... you know. SPORES!

Besides what would we call our galaxy, Whityway?

jimmy p

Sep28-04, 12:53 PM

Besides what would we call our galaxy, Whityway?

I was actually thinking of calling it George.

How come so many chocolate bars are named after Roman gods?

The Bob

Sep28-04, 01:09 PM

How come so many chocolate bars are named after Roman gods?
Because Zeus is making them all do it.

How can we build a rocket to get to Alpha Centarui???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep28-04, 01:13 PM

How can we build a rocket to get to Alpha Centarui???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Cereal boxes and sticky-back plastic.

What fuel should we use?

Gokul43201

Sep30-04, 04:32 PM

What fuel should we use?
Rice crispies and milk.

(Woohooo, we're at page 100. Nice century, wot?)

And what message should we send the Alpha Centaurans ?

The Bob

Sep30-04, 05:34 PM

Rice crispies and milk.

(Woohooo, we're at page 100. Nice century, wot?)

And what message should we send the Alpha Centaurans ?

Do you speak english??? :rofl:

Why Alpha Centaria???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep30-04, 05:48 PM

Do you speak english??? :rofl:

Why Alpha Centaria???

The Bob (2004 ©)

It is better than asking the people on the Sun.

Why do people live on the sun?

The Bob

Sep30-04, 05:53 PM

It is better than asking the people on the Sun.

Why do people live on the sun?

Get a suntan, of course.

What is the square root of a potatoe???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep30-04, 05:58 PM

What is the square root of a potatoe???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The one just below the surface.

What is carrot cubed?

The Bob

Sep30-04, 06:00 PM

The one just below the surface.

What is carrot cubed?

Huh? Hold on............... Carrot Cubed = 9 times as many Carrots or a Cubed Carrot. I think.

Can someone check my vegatable maths please???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep30-04, 06:01 PM

Huh? Hold on............... Carrot Cubed = 9 times as many Carrots or a Cubed Carrot. I think.

Can someone check my vegatable maths please???

The Bob (2004 ©)

I think you will find it is swede.

What happens when you cross multiply a carrot, a potato and a swede?

The Bob

Sep30-04, 06:03 PM

I think you will find it is swede.

What happens when you cross multiply a carrot, a potato and a swede?

Carrot x Potato x Swede = Carrot/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) x Potato/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) x Swede/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) = Fruit.

Strange, no???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Sep30-04, 06:07 PM

Carrot x Potato x Swede = Carrot/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) x Potato/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) x Swede/(Carrot x Potato x Swede) = Fruit.

Strange, no???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Not as strange as the giraffopotamus that just crawled out from between my sofa cushions.

How come Americans say math, when it is short for "mathematics"?

Math Is Hard

Sep30-04, 06:28 PM

because we only know how to do one kind of mathematic, not like you smart limeys who do lots of mathematics.

why do people often wish to be a fly on the wall? i mean, it's fun at first, but doesn't that get old after a while?

BoulderHead

Sep30-04, 06:50 PM

why do people often wish to be a fly on the wall? i mean, it's fun at first, but doesn't that get old after a while?
Not so long as there are new walls to explore... :cool:

If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, how much is the bush worth?

Gokul43201

Oct5-04, 02:39 AM

If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, how much is the bush worth?

About half a kerry, but that's just my opinion.

Do you believe all the BS in that crazy "Evolution Theory" ?

The Bob

Oct5-04, 04:54 AM

About half a kerry, but that's just my opinion.

Do you believe all the BS in that crazy "Evolution Theory" ?

To a point.

On that point, what is the sharpest point that point can have???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct5-04, 10:45 AM

On that point, what is the sharpest point that point can have???

This seems like a pointless quetion. I refuse to answer. I'll only answer stupid quetions. :wink: 'Cause that's what stupid people do...

If you see stupid and pointless walking down the street, how do you tell which is which ?

The Bob

Oct8-04, 04:48 PM

If you see stupid and pointless walking down the street, how do you tell which is which ?
Stupid will be walking down, the wrong way, a one way street.
Pointless will not be walking as he will be sat at home seeing no point in walking.

Where are the monkey's keys???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct8-04, 06:05 PM

Where are the monkey's keys???

The same place as the babboon's boons and the chimpanzee's pansies.

The Bob...you just made #1500 !!! w00 h00 :biggrin:

It's been a long and windy road, wot ?

The Bob

Oct9-04, 06:32 AM

The Bob...you just made #1500 !!! w00 h00 :biggrin:
:surprised :surprised Oh Man :surprised :surprised How did I not realise this???

It's been a long and windy road, wot ?
I believe your punctuation is incorrect. It should be: It's been a long and windy road, 'Wot'. The long and windy road is called The Wot.

How long do you think it will take for this thread to reach 2000 replies???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct9-04, 08:07 PM

How long do you think it will take for this thread to reach 2000 replies???

I'm gonna make my best guess...ballpark, I'd say...about 499 posts long (including this one).

What's going on at the Zoobie brush shelter ?? :frown:

Gokul43201

Oct9-04, 08:11 PM

What's going on at the Zoobie brush shelter ?? :frown:

I've never ansered my own quetion, so I'll take at shot at this, just for kicks (or for some other reason, you decide) : My guess is that there's divine intervention, of the feminine kind.
Find out more about
What'sfyourofavoriterstupid3quetion,toutoof0thewon esoaskednso far ?

Math Is Hard

Oct9-04, 08:16 PM

Zoob went travelling with the gray space aliens again. In his frame of reference they are only going to be gone for six months, but those space ships go pretty darn fast (close to light speed, he told me once).

How old will we be when Zoob gets back?

Gokul43201

Oct9-04, 08:23 PM

How old will we be when Zoob gets back?

As old as his twin, Noob, who'll be ancient, compared to Zoob.

I don't want to get ancient :cry:

Wait, all I gotta do is build me one of those light-speed spaceships, right ?

Ivan Seeking

Oct9-04, 08:32 PM

Antioxidants prolong life and they may be easier to work with than light-speed ships.

How do antioxidants create wormholes?

Gokul43201

Oct9-04, 11:52 PM

How do antioxidants create wormholes?

The curvatures of the different dimensions are regulated by a Universal Fermi Ocean of virtual particles known as free radicals. Antioxidants destroy some of these free radicals, thereby causing previously curled up dimensions to unfurl, creating a wormhole.

I've always wondered : Does the Prime Directive apply on Earth ?

GlassDraggon

Oct10-04, 02:59 AM

Yes

Why?

Math Is Hard

Oct10-04, 03:24 AM

I've always wondered : Does the Prime Directive apply on Earth ?
Anthropologists ask themselves that question all the time. (I think this question is on my Anthro midterm next week.)

Are there really any Coke-bottle worshipping cultures out there? Or was all the stuff in The Gods Must Be Crazy just made up?

The Bob

Oct10-04, 05:38 AM

Are there really any Coke-bottle worshipping cultures out there? Or was all the stuff in The Gods Must Be Crazy just made up?
They had existed from the 12th Century but they got fed up of having to find coke-bottles so gave up in the 16th Century.

Why do children want silly toys that are pointless???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct10-04, 10:21 AM

Why do children want silly toys that are pointless??

Originally, most children wanted meaningful cacti. But the process of natural selection eliminated them.

I've always loved climbing trees.Whenever I see a tree, I don't think "nature", "shelter" or "data structure". I think "climb" - that's my Rorschach reaction to the image of a tree. However, a couple of years ago, when I saw this giant cactus in the desert, I didn't have that impulse.

I wonder why ?

dekoi

Oct10-04, 01:44 PM

Originally, most children wanted meaningful cacti. But the process of natural selection eliminated them.

I've always loved climbing trees.Whenever I see a tree, I don't think "nature", "shelter" or "data structure". I think "climb" - that's my Rorschach reaction to the image of a tree. However, a couple of years ago, when I saw this giant cactus in the desert, I didn't have that impulse.

I wonder why ?

Perhaps a natural impulse to avoid what is painful?

Gokul43201

Oct10-04, 02:06 PM

Perhaps a natural impulse to avoid what is painful?

Painful, eh...didn't think of that ! :confused: I wonder why...it now seems painfully obvious to me.

So I guess that was a case of "Anser a stupid quetion with a stupid quetion."

I'm just looking at my wallet (you know, gauging how long my lafe savings will continue to provide me nourishment) and for the first time, I've noticed a little inscription in the corner saying "Remo".

Anyone seen that amazing movie about the dude that gets trained by a Korean martial atrs expert, to do things like dodge bullets, walk on quicksand and tour the Statue of Liberty ?

The Bob

Oct10-04, 04:51 PM

Anyone seen that amazing movie about the dude that gets trained by a Korean martial atrs expert, to do things like dodge bullets, walk on quicksand and tour the Statue of Liberty ?
Nope.

What could my next question be???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct10-04, 05:23 PM

What could my next question be???

The Bob (2004 ©)

It could be : "To be or not to be ?"

It always bugged me that Shakespeare called the above quote a quetion, even though he did not put a quetion mark, at the end of it. :confused:

Oh, hang on a sec there....all right, I've just got an email from The Bob. He says that he's having difficulty connecting to PF. He wants me to say the following on his behalf, so I quote :

"To be or not to be ?"

dekoi

Oct10-04, 05:43 PM

It could be : "To be or not to be ?"

It always bugged me that Shakespeare called the above quote a quetion, even though he did not put a quetion mark, at the end of it. :confused:

Oh, hang on a sec there....all right, I've just got an email from The Bob. He says that he's having difficulty connecting to PF. He wants me to say the following on his behalf, so I quote :

"To be or not to be ?"
--------------

To be.

What would happen if a question mark symbol was the same as an exclamation mark symbol?

The Bob

Oct10-04, 06:04 PM

--------------

To be.
Where is your question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gokul43201

Oct10-04, 06:17 PM

Where is your question???

I think he may have misplaced it.

The Bob...I'm glad you're finally back. You got me kinda worried, with that email.

Anyone know why, every now and again, PF goes into hiding ? :cool:

Math Is Hard

Oct10-04, 07:03 PM

I think he may have misplaced it.

The Bob...I'm glad you're finally back. You got me kinda worried, with that email.

Anyone know why, every now and again, PF goes into hiding ? :cool:

I am not sure if it is "hiding" as much as it fluctuating in an out of an unperceivable state. When an entity exists in cyberspace (like PF) it isn't bound by the traditional dementions we are used to perceiving and processing in our human brains, and it can decide at any given moment how and where it would like to exist in which dementions, and only people with sufficent dementia will be able to recognize it. (ever see a homeless guy talking to himself and think he was crazy - nope! he's justing posting a message on PF). Ivan explained this whole thing to me once but it involved very complicated science concepts like wormholes and antioxidants, so I did not understand it well.

well, there's the Bob! 'Bout time you got back. Quetion: I was right here the whole time. The Bob where were you?

dekoi

Oct10-04, 07:19 PM

well, there's the Bob! 'Bout time you got back. Quetion: I was right here the whole time. The Bob where were you?

I am not the Bob, but im guessing he was relieving himself of his urine. :eek:

Why is math hard?

GlassDraggon

Oct11-04, 12:12 AM

Because there are two parts to your brain and they can't divide.

If there are two mirrors facing each other...what is in them?

Gokul43201

Oct11-04, 12:56 AM

If there are two mirrors facing each other...what is in them?

The famous Algerian physicist, D'avemath Yoozeband refered to the aether filling the mirror-gap as the "Space Between", while independently, the half-Arabic psychoanalyst Mahik al Jahaksan refered to this same entity as the "Man in the Mirrors".

This is the only known debate of this magnitude happening between members of two different fields, both containing the letters : P, H, S, Y and C.

Why is the fight between Miss Cleo and Professor Landow (over the true nature of ghosts) not relevant in this context ?

The Bob

Oct11-04, 06:15 AM

well, there's the Bob! 'Bout time you got back. Quetion: I was right here the whole time. The Bob where were you?
I am here. I am wanted.

Does this mean I am popular??? :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

stardog

Oct12-04, 02:11 PM

I am here. I am wanted.

Does this mean I am popular??? :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

No, it doesn't. They just want you to take out the trash.

Why won't they take out the trash?

Math Is Hard

Oct12-04, 02:28 PM

Why should we, when we can just get The Bob to do it?

When I was younger and I worked for a pizza delivery service, I got a call to bring 3 pizza pies to Miss Cleo's house. When I got to her porch, I couldn't decide whether or not to ring the doorbell. I mean, she must know I was on the porch, right, 'cause she's psychic and all. If I rang the doorbell, she might be insulted and put some bad juju on me. But the protocol of our delivery service was to always ring the doorbell. I was between a rock and a hard place. I had to make a decision - the pizzas were getting cold. What do you suppose I did?

infinitemind

Oct12-04, 03:29 PM

I would take the luminocity and the intensity of light , which is lit in her bedroom. Then, i would calculate the average amount of brightness in the bedroom (while the person is sleeping) and then compare it with the instantaneous luminocity and intensity of light that i measured. Which apparently, implies the state of Miss cleo. i.e, she is sleeping or not. If the result turns out to be "not sleeping", then i would ring the door bell.

But what if the result turned out to be "sleeping"?

Grace

Oct12-04, 05:18 PM

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an aborition?

Grace

Oct12-04, 08:11 PM

I have a string theory

It's about cheese. I call it the "string cheese" theory.

PRyckman

Oct13-04, 12:12 AM

What if infinite times zero equalled one?

theCandyman

Oct13-04, 12:17 AM

What if I answered all these questions?

allanpatrick

Oct13-04, 01:36 AM

here's another question... what would u rather eat (if this were the last meal on Earth and u'd die if u didn't eat it):

(a) pudding that tastes like dog poo or

(b) dog poo that tastes like pudding?

pebrew

Oct13-04, 02:26 AM

what if i didn't end this post with a qeution?

The Bob

Oct13-04, 06:19 AM

what if i didn't end this post with a qeution?
We would ask for a question.

Some of you do not get this thread. You answer a stupid question and then put your own stupid question up.

So what do you make of stupid quetions???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Crackpot

Oct13-04, 10:15 AM

If the best way to convince
a fool that it is wrong, is to
give it exactly what it desires.
The best way to handle
a fool that’s right is:

A. Kill it quick before it multiplies.
B. Encourage it, follow it, and worship it in
the hope of corrupting it.
C. Get out of the way and let it be.
D. Give it exactly what it desires in the
hope of convincing it it’s wrong.
:rofl:

The Bob

Oct13-04, 10:26 AM

:rofl:
But where is your question???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Math Is Hard

Oct13-04, 11:58 AM

We would ask for a question.

Some of you do not get this thread. You answer a stupid question and then put your own stupid question up.

So what do you make of stupid quetions???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Thanks, The Bob, for explaining the format to the new folks.

You can make a lot of things out of stupid questions, especially if you know how to crochet. Potholders, tea cozys, and attractive wall-hangings for example...

What can you make out of popsicle sticks and duct tape?

jimmy p

Oct13-04, 12:08 PM

What can you make out of popsicle sticks and duct tape?

Just about anything as long as you have watched Blue Peter.

How come Blue Peter never showed me how to make dogpoo tasting pudding out of 10 lemons and some stickyback plastic?

Sariaht

Oct13-04, 02:09 PM

Stop that, you're making him flush! Boy did Blue turn red now TRAFFIC JAM!!!

Base to the Salt Peter!

Vegetable curry

1 union
1 clove of love (optional)
Half a flowerpower
1 sweet potential (or normal potato if you prefer)
2 large carriers
3 Tomahawks
100g of frozen peace
100g of frozen green men
1 tsp of gun powder
1 tbsp of holy grale mustard
1/2 tsp of succer
1/2 tsp of saltpeter
400ml of water

How do chaires reproduce?

puregoodboi

Oct13-04, 08:34 PM

well iunno any of the answers of these questions but another question would be.. how come i'm alive and not dead lol =p or if i'm dead but i don't know it how am i alive? or if i were dead and not alive but almost alive but barely dead what would happen then ? =T OH and ...

how do u kno what's real? like could u possibly be living in a dream right now and everything you're doing at the moment is just a dream and you're still sleeping or if what you are doing right now is fake and when you go to sleep that is wen the real things happen HMM

Sariaht

Oct14-04, 10:16 AM

jimmy p

Oct15-04, 02:23 PM

Reality is a logic dream, or a dream is an unlogic reality

Either dreams do not exist or everything is dreams.

Is this thread totally dead?

I was thinking of reading the thread now but i don't know :rolleyes: it seems cind of long!

Nope has an average blood pressure 110/70, and is kicking and screaming for real stupid quetions to appear.

Do badgerbadgerbadgers prefer mushrooms or snakes?

The Bob

Oct17-04, 07:55 AM

Do badgerbadgerbadgers prefer mushrooms or snakes?
Bananas.

What is the history behind Cheese on Toast???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Oct17-04, 01:37 PM

What is the history behind Cheese on Toast???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Some local yokel wanted to have hot milk sandwiches. So in an act of inspiration, he took his cow, Daisy, and stuck her on a spit-roast, with slices of bread underneath. As the flames licked up, he started milking Daisy, but as all the turning and churning occured, what came out of Daisy's udders ended up as Camenbert on burnt bread. Which doesnt have quite a ring to it. so was renamed.

How is Edam made backwards?

Jeebus

Oct17-04, 01:41 PM

How is Edam made backwards?

By smoke and mirrors.

How come Bush always laughs creepy?

jimmy p

Oct17-04, 01:45 PM

How come Bush always laughs creepy?

Because he is a hyena in a monkey suit.

How come John Kerry has no surname?

Jeebus

Oct17-04, 01:55 PM

How come John Kerry has no surname?

That's easy. Because he is secretly wears spandex at nights when he is out doing superhero duties.

How come superheroes always wear some type of tights?

jimmy p

Oct17-04, 02:07 PM

How come superheroes always wear some type of tights?

Because they were the people that failed to get into 80's metal bands, but never grew out of the fad.

How come superheroes are supposed to be anonymous but their bad guys always know their weakness and stuff?

Jeebus

Oct17-04, 02:15 PM

How come superheroes are supposed to be anonymous but their bad guys always know their weakness and stuff?

Because they spend too much time trying to get girls.

How come girls like the bad boys, but don't like villains?

jimmy p

Oct17-04, 02:29 PM

Because they spend too much time trying to get girls.

How come girls like the bad boys, but don't like villains?

Because villians are evil masterminds and bad-boys are the villain's goons, and no-one likes a smartass.

How come villains never attack cities which the superheroes AREN'T in?

Jeebus

Oct17-04, 02:32 PM

How come villains never attack cities which the superheroes AREN'T in?

They do. It just so happens that the Justice League has a tracker on each villain and go to him quicker than a jack rabbit on speed.

How come Apocalypse is the only supervillain that whooped Superman's bootay?

jimmy p

Oct17-04, 02:38 PM

They do. It just so happens that the Justice League has a tracker on each villain and go to him quicker than a jack rabbit on speed.

How come Apocalypse is the only supervillain that whooped Superman's bootay?

It's all in the name. You cant expect to whoop a hero with Dr. name or a Green Goblinesque name. It has to be one word with MEANING.

Would you class the teenage mutant ninja turtles as superheroes or regular heroes?

Jeebus

Oct17-04, 02:55 PM

Would you class the teenage mutant ninja turtles as superheroes or regular heroes?

Regular. No superhero would have a pizza drug-esque addiction. That's only for Hollywood actors and actresses.

Do you think Master Splinter ever feels like killing his turtles?

MSI

Oct19-04, 06:45 AM

Regular. No superhero would have a pizza drug-esque addiction. That's only for Hollywood actors and actresses.

Do you think Master Splinter ever feels like killing his turtles?

ya .. when he is drunk

why isn't this topic sticked?!

jimmy p

Oct19-04, 07:46 AM

why isn't this topic sticked?!

There isnt glue strong enough to hold a topic of this size.

How come they are called smileys when not all of them smile?

Oct19-04, 03:17 PM

Because nobody knows why they don't smile, they should be.

Why do the stupid questions kepp on going but those with meaning disapear?

dekoi

Oct19-04, 03:26 PM

Because those with meaning are more difficult to answer, and are not often considered as "stupid" questions.

Why ask questions?

MSI

Oct19-04, 03:28 PM

because some one has to answer

what is a "stuped question"?

Oct19-04, 03:30 PM

A question with a stupid answer of course.

Why does it always rain when you want to be outside?

MSI

Oct20-04, 08:51 AM

because god doesn't like us!!

what do you do if you were in a desert with your love and a gun with one bullet and two lions, one following you and the other following her?

The Bob

Oct20-04, 10:22 AM

because god doesn't like us!!

what do you do if you were in a desert with your love and a gun with one bullet and two lions, one following you and the other following her?
Brake the laws of thermodynamics and make them turn 90° suddenly and shot them both.

What is swiss cheese made of???

The Bob (2004 ©)

MSI

Oct20-04, 03:20 PM

from the milk of a white cow with strange black shapes on it!

why the cats are always afraid of dogs?

Sariaht

Oct21-04, 02:37 PM

Their incomon ancestor whas skitsophreen

What cind of a person would fool a murder snail to drink beer?

Math Is Hard

Oct21-04, 02:45 PM

Their incomon ancestor whas skitsophreen

What cind of a person would fool a murder snail to drink beer?

Murder snails are the worst kind of snails. You don't want to get them drunk.
They get belligerent and will try to kill you -- very slowly though. Very few people are actually murdered by murder snails. People are usually fast enough to get away from them before being completely murdered.

How do you tell a genius from an idiot?

Oct21-04, 05:48 PM

The same way you tell a moron from a genius. You don't they're all the same.

If you are upsidedown, are you up or are you down?

The Bob

Oct21-04, 06:16 PM

If you are upsidedown, are you up or are you down?
Neither.

Pumpkin anyone???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Oct21-04, 06:20 PM

Not till Halloween, the pumpkins are needed to scare away the little kids. You can carve funny faces in them.

Why orange pumpkins, there are other colors too?

Sariaht

Oct22-04, 07:09 AM

Yes that's really rasistic,

Were are the black pumpkins?

jimmy p

Oct23-04, 02:16 PM

Were are the black pumpkins?

You cant see them because it is night time.

What is so good about a bee's knees?

Tsu

Oct23-04, 02:46 PM

What is so good about a bee's knees?
It rhymes.

Why am I being watched by a duck?

BoulderHead

Oct23-04, 08:27 PM

It rhymes.

Why am I being watched by a duck?
He saw you shaking your tail feathers...

What's the worst part about lingering on and on?

Tsu

Oct23-04, 09:02 PM

He saw you shaking your tail feathers...

What's the worst part about lingering on and on?
Having to keep shaking your tail feathers.

Why do they call it 'corn'?

Math Is Hard

Oct23-04, 09:08 PM

heh! YOU call it corn.
WE call it maize!

Why do the Trobriand Islanders use yams for currency and how do you make change for a yam?

BoulderHead

Oct23-04, 09:11 PM

Why do the Trobriand Islanders use yams for currency and how do you make change for a yam?
Hey! you asked TWO questions *the nerve*...

Can 'toe yam' be used for change making?

Math Is Hard

Oct24-04, 12:50 AM

Only if your two good hands are tied behind your back.

Is eating white rice immoral?

BoulderHead

Oct24-04, 12:58 AM

Is eating white rice immoral?
Unless you're [a] Saint, yes.

What's your favorite prehistoric creature?

MSI

Oct24-04, 04:02 AM

women!!

should i ask a [stuped] question?

BoulderHead

Oct24-04, 11:05 AM

should i ask a [stuped] question?
It's ok, you just did. :tongue2:

What’s a typical population size tribes reach before internal squabbling produces a factious split?

Oct25-04, 12:14 PM

Two, people don't get along.

Who started the first revoloution?

jimmy p

Oct25-04, 06:27 PM

Who started the first revoloution?

The guy who pushed the wheel.

Why arent wheels square?

MSI

Oct26-04, 04:21 AM

because the edges will be brocken if you round it ..

are you evil?

jimmy p

Oct26-04, 02:38 PM

are you evil?

Not but I live backwards.

What do cows drink?

Sariaht

Oct26-04, 03:21 PM

frozen oxigen, that's why they muu constantly.

Since we are talking about frogs anyway, I have a question for you:

If frogs have green blood (?), and humans have red blood but kings have blue blood, what color has the blood of princes that has turned into frogs?

Oct26-04, 06:05 PM

Orange, nothing else has orange blood.

Why do frogs ribbet?

jimmy p

Oct27-04, 04:28 AM

Why do frogs ribbet?

Frogs ribbit because they were the last creatures to be invented, and as such, all the decent animal noises were taken up. So they had to choose between "ribbit" and "sound of someone with explosive diarrhoea" it was an obvious choice.

Why shouldnt you put toast in a toaster?

Sariaht

Oct27-04, 01:20 PM

The toast burns in hellfire, as the humans put them in toasters to devour them not knowing that a part of hell stays in the toast. Beware, for you eat the bread of the dead!

Originaly posted by Ba:
Orange, nothing else has orange blood.

Why do frogs ribbet?
When you wrote orange blood, did you mean blood orange?

PS. Can I go now?

The Bob

Oct31-04, 10:35 AM

The toast burns in hellfire, as the humans put them in toasters to devour them not knowing that a part of hell stays in the toast. Beware, for you eat the bread of the dead!

Originaly posted by Ba:

When you wrote orange blood, did you mean blood orange?

PS. Can I go now?

Yes but come back later.

Never let the thread go.

What is the point of a Banana???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Oct31-04, 03:02 PM

Yes but come back later.

Never let the thread go.

What is the point of a Banana???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The point is to be the only fruit with three 'a's' and two 'n's' [:)]

To be the only yellow fruit?

The Bob

Nov1-04, 06:19 PM

To be the only yellow fruit?
Is like the only needle in the haystack.

What is a Bond Bong???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Nov1-04, 06:51 PM

Is like the only needle in the haystack.

What is a Bond Bong???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Something 007 uses before he goes on a misson for that extra boost.

Does James Bond drink milk?

The Bob

Nov2-04, 03:33 AM

Does James Bond drink milk?
Yes but only strawberry flavoured.

What is the point of a Licence to Kill???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Nov2-04, 10:41 AM

[QUOTE=What is the point of a Licence to Kill???

The Bob (2004 ©)[/QUOTE]

So the ones who've passed can upgrade from their 'Learners Permit' to Kill!

Why did Sean Connery wear a rug on his head?

Nov2-04, 01:46 PM

He was going bald.

Why do bald heads have such a glare?

The Bob

Nov2-04, 03:36 PM

Why do bald heads have such a glare?
All I have to say is Bowling Ball Polishers.

What is the point in the frames at Bowling places???

The Bob (2004 ©)

plover

Nov2-04, 07:15 PM

What is the point in the frames at Bowling places???
Broken glass. Bowling alley vandalism is part of a thriving urban economy.

Who is getting the bowling alley vandal vote this year?

The Bob

Nov3-04, 05:42 PM

Who is getting the bowling alley vandal vote this year?
Chopnik.

Why do slugs burn with salt???

The Bob (2004 ©)

avemt1

Nov4-04, 01:42 AM

Why do slugs burn with salt???

The Bob (2004 ©)
they are alergic

Why do humans say the most obvious things?

The Bob

Nov4-04, 06:20 PM

Why do humans say the most obvious things?
Because they are stupid, I thought that was obvious. :rofl:

What is the point in Shaving???

The Bob (2004 ©)

jimmy p

Nov4-04, 07:39 PM

Because they are stupid, I thought that was obvious. :rofl:

What is the point in Shaving???

The Bob (2004 ©)

To help keep the evil fairies from possessing your mind. All occultists know that evil fairies are attracted to facial hair.

If a bear runs out of toilet paper, what does he use once he has crapped in the woods?

recon

Nov4-04, 10:22 PM

The bear doesn't use anything, instead he goes over to Goldilock's house and sits on all of the chairs before deciding on a chair that he likes.

Why does toilet paper come in rolls?

jimmy p

Nov5-04, 05:55 AM

The bear doesn't use anything, instead he goes over to Goldilock's house and sits on all of the chairs before deciding on a chair that he likes.

Why does toilet paper come in rolls?

Cos if it came in sandwiches, it would cost a lot more. Plus sliced bread doesnt feel quite as nice as a floury bap.

Why didnt the bears just bust Goldilocks for tresspassing, surely that is morally right in modern society?

tribdog

Nov5-04, 08:04 AM

Cos if it came in sandwiches, it would cost a lot more. Plus sliced bread doesnt feel quite as nice as a floury bap.

Why didnt the bears just bust Goldilocks for tresspassing, surely that is morally right in modern society?
Papa Bear thought tresspassing was too harsh, Mama Bear thought it was too soft...
Why do they call it tresspassing when the problem isn't passing it's tressstaying?

Math Is Hard

Nov6-04, 12:15 AM

Papa Bear thought tresspassing was too harsh, Mama Bear thought it was too soft...
Why do they call it tresspassing when the problem isn't passing it's tressstaying?

I believe the real problem is finding the defining moment between passing and staying. It only takes an instant to pass, but it takes slightly more than an instant to stay. Tresstayantial calulus is a branch of mathematics devoted entirely to this problem. However, few people study Tresstayantial calulus (T.C.) anymore because so many of it's proofs can only be accurately demonstrated with the use of a three-dimensional abacus, and by hopping up and down on one leg shouting "a-hoy! hoy! hoy! hoy!" Few advanced students ever committed to the rigors of the proofs of the subject and failed to give deliver convincing dissertations, falling victim to a similar kind of stifling shame one feels when ordering the rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity breakfast at IHOP.

So many people are working on a Theory of Everything these days. How come someone isn't working on a Theory of Nothing?

The Bob

Nov6-04, 03:36 PM

So many people are working on a Theory of Everything these days. How come someone isn't working on a Theory of Nothing?
Because nothing is boring. We all want something. :smile:

The Bob (2004 ©)

And I do have a question: What is the reason that people like cheese???

tribdog

Nov6-04, 03:40 PM

Because it has just as many vowels as consonants.

Is there a way to tell which way electrical current is flowing by taste?

The Bob

Nov7-04, 05:45 PM

Is there a way to tell which way electrical current is flowing by taste?
The direction you rotate when the current passes through our tongue.

What is the reason for fuses, I mean really???

The Bob (2004 ©)

tribdog

Nov7-04, 06:40 PM

What is the reason for fuses, I mean really???

The Bob (2004 ©)
If there was no such thing as fuses your wiring would be made out of one solid reliable piece of wire, and you would never have the joy of being stranded in the middle of the desert at 3AM trying to use a Wrigley's Gum wrapper to bridge the gap to start your motor.

Is the popularity of Everybody Loves Raymond a manifestation of a quantum mechanical paradox?

neil_m

Nov8-04, 02:48 AM

Is the popularity of Everybody Loves Raymond a manifestation of a quantum mechanical paradox?

No since that is just an arbitrary name given the show, and its popularity is independant of its name. Realistically, some people out there do infact love the show, so that just means: NOT everybody loves "everybody loves raymond"

If i produced a device which negated the effect of the earth's gravity on a particular object, it would initially remain stationary relative to the earth and us, as it would possess the velocity of the earth at the moment the device was activated, but since the earth is spinning on its axis and following a circular orbit around the sun, wouldnt the object (relative to us) start 'flying away' ??
(assuming air resistance is negligible...but if it wasnt negligible and the earth was moving in a straight line, without spinning, wouldnt the object appear to accelerate as it experienced the resistive forces of the atmosphere? (since it is no longer anchored by gravity?)
...you know i thought this was trying to do a dumb question, but i think i got too into it...
anyway just incase heres a dumb(er) question: would an object approaching the speed of light, as its mass appoached infinty, produce a gravitational field in proportion to its increasing mass??

Nov8-04, 11:52 AM

You are a prisoner in your mind, it is making you think gravity exists. Humans just made it up because we want to climb out of the pit the earth actually is.

Why can math teachers never use new technology?

tribdog

Nov8-04, 03:34 PM

It's against union rules.

Do you pronounce the word "pronounce" Pronounce or pronounce?

jimmy p

Nov8-04, 03:36 PM

It's against union rules.

Do you pronounce the word "pronounce" Pronounce or pronounce?

PRonouncE.

Do Eskimo's ever get naked?

motai

Nov8-04, 03:51 PM

PRonouncE.

Do Eskimo's ever get naked?

Hmm... probably during mating season. They gotta share some body warmth through kinetic energy transfer :biggrin:. Sometimes Igloos just aren't enough.

Is it acceptable in Spanish to combine words such as autobus (bus) or buscar (to find) into one word such as autobuscar (to find/search a bus)? Te autobuscas?

neil_m

Nov8-04, 05:29 PM

[I was doing this all wrong!!! let me try again...]

Only in the secret organisations, where they link certain words to produce new words, which give the instructions to carry out their next task.
for exaple, your examlpe, gives the command, to go find a bus. (but the real question is...for WHAT???....)

Why do men have nipples?

tribdog

Nov8-04, 05:46 PM

They are a defense mechanism, fooling an attacking avian into thinking it is attacking something bigger. One of the few direct links to our 83rd closest relative the Luna Moth.

I was going for my foursies when a small dog stole my ball. Do I have to start all over with my onsies or can I just kill the dog?

neil_m

Nov8-04, 10:48 PM

Hmmm you said it was a small dog, just take it back. Hurting it solves nothing, though do make agressive gestures and sounds to make sure he never does it again. If the small dog in question was a genetically enhanced fox terrier, just start with the onsies again and forget about my secret project...i mean "WATCHOUT!!! A BIRD!! QUICK SHOW THEM YOUR NIPPLES!!" (if you are a guy ofcourse)

who or what is our 97th closest relative?

jimmy p

Nov10-04, 06:27 PM

plover

Nov10-04, 07:05 PM

What is "light" beer?
Bosonic beer – it doesn't obey the St. Pauli Girl Exclusion Principle.

Why are hyenas bad at poker?

jimmy p

Nov10-04, 07:08 PM

Why are hyenas bad at poker?

Because they play with cheetahs.... boom boom!!

What's the deal with yodelling?

Nov15-04, 01:36 PM

So you can hear the mountains screaming back at you because they don't like your voice.

Why do we always look to tomorrow but never get there?

jimmy p

Nov15-04, 02:41 PM

Why do we always look to tomorrow but never get there?

Because there is no point in looking backwards to yesterday.

How can elephants hide in a refridgerator?

matthyaouw

Nov15-04, 04:35 PM

Not very well. the footprints in the butter always seem to give them away.

Would taping a cat to a slice of buttered toast be an effective solution to the worlds energy problems, or would there be problems? (working on the pinciple that a cat always lands on its feet, buttered toast always lands buttered side down, so the two together would result in a perpetual spinning motion as the two fight it out)

tribdog

Nov15-04, 06:38 PM

Doesn't work, cat dies everytime I put the bread in the toaster.

Does hitting "alt+f4" speed up your loading time on this page?

selfAdjoint

Nov15-04, 08:58 PM

Doesn't work, cat dies everytime I put the bread in the toaster.

Does hitting "alt+f4" speed up your loading time on this page?

Haven't tried it. It's so hard to hit that + while holding down Alt and F4.

In what system of math would Alt+F4 be a valid string?

madcat11

Nov16-04, 11:58 AM

Haven't tried it. It's so hard to hit that + while holding down Alt and F4.

In what system of math would Alt+F4 be a valid string?

New Age computer science/religion (hex, of course).

If you're in your car and you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, is it because the sun went down, or because it started to rain?

jimmy p

Nov16-04, 01:01 PM

If you're in your car and you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, is it because the sun went down, or because it started to rain?

Neither, it just gets real foggy.

If all the planets had a royal rumble, which one would win?

tribdog

Nov16-04, 03:19 PM

Jupiter would kick Uranus

What exactly is Jupiter looking at?

Nov16-04, 05:08 PM

Looking for aliens, we haven't found any yet.

Who first thought up the word extra-terrestial?

tribdog

Nov16-04, 05:20 PM

you. I've never seen that word before.

How do you get a new word in Webster's?

jimmy p

Nov16-04, 06:20 PM

How do you get a new word in Webster's?

Scrawl it on every wall in the city or pencil it in to Webster's yourself.

The word "word" looks of Scandinavian decent. Do you think it pillaged towns with the Vikings?

jimmy p

Nov21-04, 12:49 PM

jeez think about it. It's not hard. Or is it?

amwbonfire

Nov22-04, 01:47 AM

The answer is yes.

Could you ask a woodchuck "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" and get an answer?

Smurf

Nov22-04, 02:00 AM

Scrawl it on every wall in the city or pencil it in to Webster's yourself.

The word "word" looks of Scandinavian decent. Do you think it pillaged towns with the Vikings?

It was kinda like this:
a horde of vikings decends upon a christian monastary, hacking and slashing at the innocent monks, cutting them down, setting fire to buildings and looting everything of value they could find.
"Arg, we got them good this time" say's Garth.
"Sure did" responded Fhilfi
"Next time we should try to loot the buildings before burning them though"
"Word"
and with that they rode off into the sunset, looking for another village to pillage.

Smurf

Nov22-04, 02:01 AM

The answer is yes.

Could you ask a woodchuck "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" and get an answer?
of course not silly, you can't do that any more than you can tell a rhino to stamp out a fire without him eating an orange first.
..
..or would that work?

Moonbear

Nov22-04, 02:05 AM

Could you ask a woodchuck "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" and get an answer?

Of course, but not the answer you're expecting. You'd get quite a chewing out about how speciesist woodchuck is, and that the term groundhog is far more PC nowadays, mainly because of all the slurs their species has suffered from that woodchuck rhyme.

Why does plastic wrap always manage to stick to itself before you can get it transferred from the box and onto the bowl you're trying to cover?

franznietzsche

Nov22-04, 02:26 AM

of course not silly, you can't do that any more than you can tell a rhino to stamp out a fire without him eating an orange first.
..
..or would that work?

Only if you bait him with a lemon.

Can rhinos even eat citrus though? Or is this only applicable in the general case of culinary sophisticate rhinos?

The Bob

Nov23-04, 06:05 AM

Can rhinos even eat citrus though? Or is this only applicable in the general case of culinary sophisticate rhinos?
Right, my turn again. :biggrin:

Citrus is an Acid. It was proven, many many years ago, that and acid would burn the outside of a Rhino but not more than the hard outside casing. That is how the end part of its name came. The 'Rus' at the end is shorted from Rust, as that is what acid does to it. Strange but true. :smile:

Why are you talking about Rhinos??? Should it be Rhini???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Nov23-04, 06:08 AM

Right, my turn again. :biggrin:

Citrus is an Acid. It was proven, many many years ago, that and acid would burn the outside of a Rhino but not more than the hard outside casing. That is how the end part of its name came. The 'Rus' at the end is shorted from Rust, as that is what acid does to it. Strange but true. :smile:

Why are you talking about Rhinos??? Should it be Rhini???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Rhini sounds like something a griley-man would say. Rhinos is much more governatorial.

Why do neither Dr Pepper nor Mr Pibb have periods in their abbreviations?

honestrosewater

Nov23-04, 06:36 AM

Rhini sounds like something a griley-man would say. Rhinos is much more governatorial.

Why do neither Dr Pepper nor Mr Pibb have periods in their abbreviations?

They're both men and men don't get periods.

Say, why don't men get periods?

franznietzsche

Nov23-04, 02:11 PM

They're both men and men don't get periods.

Say, why don't men get periods?

Its a conspiracy to make us stronger than women by not dealing with debilitating cramps every month. This is what gave us our historical edge over women and enabled us to dominate the world for so long.

Why would we need such an advantage when we could win naturally?

honestrosewater

Nov24-04, 12:11 AM

Why would we need such an advantage when we could win naturally?

Ask your girlfriend :devil:

What weapons have we developed to kill those worms that are making holes in space?

Moonbear

Nov24-04, 12:35 AM

What weapons have we developed to kill those worms that are making holes in space?

A worm remover, of course!

Since my last question got ignored (I wasn't quick enough to post and someone beat me to a new question), I'll repost it.

Why does plastic wrap always manage to stick to itself before you can get it transferred from the box and onto the bowl you're trying to cover?

Physics_wiz

Nov24-04, 12:41 AM

A worm remover, of course!

Since my last question got ignored (I wasn't quick enough to post and someone beat me to a new question), I'll repost it.

Why does plastic wrap always manage to stick to itself before you can get it transferred from the box and onto the bowl you're trying to cover?

Because it's sticky and you're not careful enough with it! :biggrin:

Why would anyone start a thread like this? :confused:

honestrosewater

Nov24-04, 12:48 AM

Why would anyone start a thread like this? :confused:

Since the universe is deterministic, the laws of physics required it.

Oops, another theory has just been brought to my attention. Okay, inside your brain, there are smart thoughts and stupid thoughts. The smart thoughts are located in the left hemisphere and the stupid thoughts are located in the right hemisphere. The people in this forum were having more smart thoughts than stupid thoughts, causing an imbalance in the their brains which made them fall over. So they created this thread to promote stupid thoughts, restoring the balance, allowing them to remain upright.

What is the corporate ladder leaning against?

Moonbear

Nov24-04, 01:11 AM

What is the corporate ladder leaning against?

The glass ceiling. (Hey, they're business majors, they don't know it doesn't make sense.)

Why did I just forget the quetion I was going to ask?

Physics_wiz

Nov24-04, 01:14 AM

The glass ceiling. (Hey, they're business majors, they don't know it doesn't make sense.)

Why did I just forget the quetion I was going to ask?

bad sectors in your brain hard drive.

Why did I sit on my computer for 12 hours straight today?

honestrosewater

Nov24-04, 01:23 AM

bad sectors in your brain hard drive.

Why did I sit on my computer for 12 hours straight today?

Because you couldn't sit on it for 12 hours straight tomorrow.

How did Superman reverse time by spinning the Earth in the opposite direction?

Reshma

Nov24-04, 10:16 AM

If ignorance is bliss, why do we seek knowledge?

The Bob

Nov24-04, 10:20 AM

If ignorance is bliss, why do we seek knowledge?
Someone doesn't get the idea of answer the person's before them. :grumpy:

How did Superman reverse time by spinning the Earth in the opposite direction?
I will have to combine the two to make them met.

We seek knowledge so that we may know how superman was able to reverse time. I believe he did it by accident (being ignorant at the time I believe) and I think he is getting it copyrighted so we can't steal it. Not fair. :frown: :rofl:

Who is the greatest PFer???

The Bob (2004 ©)

honestrosewater

Nov24-04, 11:47 AM

Who is the greatest PFer???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The first person to answer your question.

If there is no sadness in heaven, why it is said that rain is G/god crying?

bjr_jyd15

Nov24-04, 06:05 PM

God is crying because we did something stupid. Now we'll feel bad if we made God cry. Now we feel guilty.

If I weigh 60 kg on Earth, how much do I weigh on the moon?

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 06:52 PM

God is crying because we did something stupid. Now we'll feel bad if we made God cry. Now we feel guilty.

If I weigh 60 kg on Earth, how much do I weigh on the moon?

You can weigh as much as you like. The last time I was on moon (the security checks are a joke...they didn't even bother checking the lead soles of my lunar boots), I weighed about 100 grams of crack for them loonies that want to get high without jumping.

Have you any idea what kind of money I make selling dope to the lunar settlers ?

BoulderHead

Nov24-04, 07:00 PM

Have you any idea what kind of money I make selling dope to the lunar settlers ?
Unsure am I of a precise amount but am betting it's astronomical ! :tongue:

Could the moon be used for topsoil?

Math Is Hard

Nov24-04, 08:04 PM

Could the moon be used for topsoil?

I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Your topsoil would go through phases, sometimes really bright and glowy, and then sometimes partly glowy, and then sometimes really dark. I think during "full topsoil phases" your lawn might keep you awake at night. :bugeye:

speaking of lawns, I planted some jellybeans in my front yard last spring but they never sprouted. Why didn't I get my jelly tree? :frown:

BoulderHead

Nov24-04, 08:27 PM

...speaking of lawns, I planted some jellybeans in my front yard last spring but they never sprouted. Why didn't I get my jelly tree? :frown:
I'm unsure but suspect it is related in some way to my own experience of planting a bag of birdseed; there was all different kinds of seed in the bag but drat the luck not a single bird sprouted from any of them !! :frown:

Now I ask you, what's up with that?!

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 09:15 PM

I'm unsure but suspect it is related in some way to my own experience of planting a bag of birdseed; there was all different kinds of seed in the bag but drat the luck not a single bird sprouted from any of them !! :frown:

Now I ask you, what's up with that?!

I'm guessing you forgot to pretreat the soil with guano. In fact, if you get the soil just right, growing birds is a piece o cake. I recall the time I accidentally dropped a birdseed just where I later planted a hedgerow. A few days later, I hada bird in the bush.

...which reminds me; I saw this girl yesterday, and her backpack had a sticker reading : "THE ONLY BUSH I TRUST IS MY OWN".

That got me to thinking if there were other people that had grown skeptical of plants. Know any ?

honestrosewater

Nov24-04, 09:40 PM

That got me to thinking if there were other people that had grown skeptical of plants. Know any ?

Sure, the people still living downwind of Chernobyl.

If you had to cram 17 clowns into one tiny clown car, what kind of oil would you use?

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 10:04 PM

Sure, the people still living downwind of Chernobyl.

If you had to cram 17 clowns into one tiny clown car, what kind of oil would you use?

That depends on whether the oil is to make the clowns slippy or to make the car go. If the former, I'd use petroleum jelly...and for the latter, I'd skip the jelly.

I've always wondered : what's the difference between a 'homonym' and a 'homophone' ?

BoulderHead

Nov24-04, 10:17 PM

...which reminds me; I saw this girl yesterday, and her backpack had a sticker reading : "THE ONLY BUSH I TRUST IS MY OWN".

That got me to thinking if there were other people that had grown skeptical of plants. Know any ?
Oh, I’ve grown quite a lot of skeptical of plants. It takes so very little moisture I’m amazed it never took firm root in desert locations…

Have you ever grown weary of plants?

[edit]
Oops, beat to the punch

I've always wondered : what's the difference between a 'homonym' and a 'homophone' ?
About one homophobe.

Now, about weary of plants?

Moonbear

Nov24-04, 10:28 PM

Have you ever grown weary of plants?

Oh, sure, it has a beautiful purple blossom that only opens up at night. Being a night owl, I really appreciate that.

So, I'm seeing some possible relationship among some of the previous quetions. Based on my observations, I have come up with the following quetion:

If I use the moon as topsoil, will the transplanted gravitational field make my skeptical of plants grow taller, even if my plastic wrap is still stuck to itself?

evagriselda

Nov24-04, 10:29 PM

Is it really true that all the ufo's are coming to save humanity from human stupidities?

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 10:37 PM

Have you ever grown weary of plants?

Can't say I've seen any of those at the Home Depot. But I've got this large neighbor (and he just got released from the hospital after being patched up for 37 broken bones - or so he claims, but that's a different story) who just likes to go by 'Giant'. He claims to have some experience with 'jumping off' plants. Haven't seen any of those either :confused:

Anyways, the music's been playing over here, and for the last 4 minutes, Eric Clapton's been trying to get into heaven, but no one's answering the door. What's up with that ?

PS : I'm really slow...Moonbear has precedence.

BoulderHead

Nov24-04, 10:37 PM

If I use the moon as topsoil, will the transplanted gravitational field make my skeptical of plants grow taller, even if my plastic wrap is still stuck to itself?
Yes, but only when applied by homophobic clowns smeared in petroleum jelly beans.

Could glowing moon dust become the next rage replacement for black lights and lava lamps?

[edit]
Anyways, the music's been playing over here, and for the last 4 minutes, Eric Clapton's been trying to get into heaven, but no one's answering the door. What's up with that ?

God is throwing another cocaine party, I'll bet.

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 10:44 PM

Yes, but only when applied by homophobic clowns smeared in petroleum jelly beans.

Could glowing moon dust become the next rage replacement for black lights and lava lamps?

Not yet...the transportation costs are still too high. But just you wait, till that new glow worm hole opens up.

And what's the idea behind the name 'worm hole', anyway. They don't call the highways in Germany 'tortoise-bahns' do they ?

Moonbear

Nov24-04, 10:55 PM

And what's the idea behind the name 'worm hole', anyway. They don't call the highways in Germany 'tortoise-bahns' do they ?

You missed Honestrosewater's post last night (or I think it was her post) that explained there are space worms making the wormholes. Though, I've heard that when traffic gets really bad, indeed, Germans start to refer to their roadways as "tortoise-bahns."

Earthworms have 7 hearts, IIRC. How many hearts do spaceworms have?

Gokul43201

Nov24-04, 11:13 PM

Earthworms have 7 hearts, IIRC.

I thought they had 7 chambered hearts, IIRC. I remember a picture that looked like a stretched accordion. Yeah...that was from my "Things that look like Musical Instruments" textbook (I got that for my first birthday). I'll never forget the page on the standard wooden drumstick...it never made sense to me when I read it in playschool. There was a picture, kinda like this :

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml03/03128.jpg

Followed by several pictures of something called...oh I can't remember...wait...I think they called it a Richard ? Ah, forget that.

How many hearts do spaceworms have?

I quote from my Astronomy 101 textbook, titled "Cosmo-Illogical" : The isotropic nature of space is evidence that speceworms are heartless.

Have you ever noticed that it smells like $#!t at the other end of a wormhole ?

BoulderHead

Nov24-04, 11:50 PM

Have you ever noticed that it smells like $#!t at the other end of a wormhole ?
Yes, and it's all the fault of this nasty man;
http://www.uclan.ac.uk/facs/science/envman/cwm/erg/photoalbum_innoc/pages/EIU%20-%20insertion_jpg.htm

The SOB is inoculating the poor little things! *the nerve, hmmmph*

What really IS that stuff in the bag?

honestrosewater

Nov25-04, 12:05 AM

Yes, and it's all the fault of this nasty man;
http://www.uclan.ac.uk/facs/science/envman/cwm/erg/photoalbum_innoc/pages/EIU%20-%20insertion_jpg.htm

The SOB is inoculating the poor little things! *the nerve, hmmmph*

What really IS that stuff in the bag?

His wife's meatloaf.

I don't have a question, I just can't resist an opportunity to introduce meatloaf into a conversation. Is that okay?

Gokul43201

Nov25-04, 12:10 AM

His wife's meatloaf.

I don't have a question, I just can't resist an opportunity to introduce meatloaf into a conversation. Is that okay?

That's okay, but for misspelling 'quetion', you are banished to the land of sanity.

This quetion is again inspired by what's playing : Do you feel like I do ?

honestrosewater

Nov25-04, 12:22 AM

That's okay, but for misspelling 'quetion', you are banished to the land of sanity.

This quetion is again inspired by what's playing : Do you feel like I do ?

I did before I was banished to the land of sanity :mad:

With the renewed popularity of the Lord of the Rings (just go with me on this one) do you think "halflings" will soon become more PC than "little people"?

BoulderHead

Nov25-04, 10:22 AM

I thought they had 7 chambered hearts, IIRC. I remember a picture that looked like a stretched accordion. Yeah...that was from my "Things that look like Musical Instruments" textbook (I got that for my first birthday). I'll never forget the page on the standard wooden drumstick...it never made sense to me when I read it in playschool. There was a picture, kinda like this :

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml03/03128.jpg

Followed by several pictures of something called...oh I can't remember...wait...I think they called it a Richard ? Ah, forget that.

I quote from my Astronomy 101 textbook, titled "Cosmo-Illogical" : The isotropic nature of space is evidence that speceworms are heartless.

Have you ever noticed that it smells like $#!t at the other end of a wormhole ?
http://www.wavsurfer.com/wavs/apow2/agiantj.wav

With the renewed popularity of the Lord of the Rings (just go with me on this one) do you think "halflings" will soon become more PC than "little people"?
I don't know, but it sounds like something Kentucky Fried Chicken would smother in honeyBBQ sauce...

Would you like some of them frenchfried pertaters with that?

The Bob

Nov26-04, 06:10 PM

Would you like some of them frenchfried pertaters with that?
No. :uhh:

So anyway....... RANDOMNESS.

What is the point in have chickens running government???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 06:20 PM

What is the point in have chickens running government???

Chickens are quite well suited to running government, and it is believed politicians are evolved from a common ancestor to chickens. Indeed, both share a relatively rare trait, which is quite essential for running government, that being the uncanny ability to continue running even when lacking a head.

What ritual is involved for removing one's brain adequately to run for public office?

BoulderHead

Nov26-04, 07:26 PM

What ritual is involved for removing one's brain adequately to run for public office?
Joining a political party. :biggrin:

What's the difference between a pagan ritual and paying homage to the Devil?

tribdog

Nov26-04, 09:02 PM

Joining a political party. :biggrin:

What's the difference between a pagan ritual and paying homage to the Devil?
about 3 dollars.

What makes a marker magic?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 09:06 PM

What makes a marker magic?

Sniffing it.

Will you flick my Bic?
(Not a quetion: Anyone even remember that commercial?)

tribdog

Nov26-04, 09:10 PM

Will you flick my Bic?

Will you suck my.. ow hey let go ow
What's going on here? ow

BoulderHead

Nov26-04, 09:12 PM

Will you flick my Bic?
(Not a quetion: Anyone even remember that commercial?)
Only if you'll sniff my magic marker... :tongue:

What's it good for after the ink is dried up?

[edit, beat to the punch]
What's going on here? ow
Magic ink drying up and being 'flicked' away...

If two heads are better than one why are women so smart?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 09:19 PM

If two heads are better than one why are women so smart?

Because we know we can control both of men's heads by messing with just one.

Why do we have to say "cheese" before pictures are taken? Why not okra, or beer?

tribdog

Nov26-04, 09:30 PM

Why do we have to say "cheese" before pictures are taken? Why not okra, or beer?
because it's imposible to say okra and smile. ugh, okra, slimy.

What's your favorite word that you can type without moving your fingers from the keys they rest on?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 09:36 PM

What's your favorite word that you can type without moving your fingers from the keys they rest on?

lad falls as fad; dad sad

Why is it called okra? It's neither oak nor a sun god.

tribdog

Nov26-04, 09:52 PM

lad falls as fad; dad sad

Why is it called okra? It's neither oak nor a sun god.
speaking of Ra
by me (http://www.the-phone-book.com/version7/storypages.php?ID=599)
and speaking of oak
originally titled "My brother, the oak" (http://www.the-phone-book.com/version8/storypages.php?ID=1868)

Is that just a coincidence?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 09:56 PM

speaking of Ra
by me (http://www.the-phone-book.com/version7/storypages.php?ID=599)
and speaking of oak
originally titled "My brother, the oak" (http://www.the-phone-book.com/version8/storypages.php?ID=1868)

Is that just a coincidence?

Yep. Especially since the second one is titled, "My brother, the elm." :biggrin: (Both are pretty funny...I like Ra's method of golfing, but if I aimed into the woods, I'd probably get a hole in one!)

If one hosts a whine and cheese party, what's the best whine to bring?

Math Is Hard

Nov26-04, 10:21 PM

If one hosts a whine and cheese party, what's the best whine to bring?
I suggest a vintage 1987 Pinot-one-cares-about-me Noir. :yuck:

Help! The Jellyfish have gotten to Moonbear! Can she be saved? :eek:

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 10:26 PM

Help! The Jellyfish have gotten to Moonbear! Can she be saved? :eek:

We are the jellyfish, we have Moonbear, resistance is futile, send Fauchon chocolate and we will not harm her.

Why do they have so many names for beige if you want to buy beige paint?

tribdog

Nov26-04, 10:53 PM

We are the jellyfish, we have Moonbear, resistance is futile, send Fauchon chocolate and we will not harm her.

Why do they have so many names for beige if you want to buy beige paint?
"Yeah, it's not like it is snow"~an eskimo

How often should I trim my fingernails?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 10:58 PM

How often should I trim my fingernails?

If you'd just use your scratching post, your nails wouldn't need trimming at all.

How do you herd snails, is it as hard as herding cats?

tribdog

Nov26-04, 11:02 PM

Of course I've heard of cats. Just cause I don't like them doesn't mean I haven't heard of them.

How do I get the bad taste out of my welcome mat?

Astronuc

Nov26-04, 11:04 PM

How do you herd snails . . .? Very slowly.

How can WE be alone?

Moonbear

Nov26-04, 11:13 PM

A two-fer!

How do I get the bad taste out of my welcome mat?

Stop licking it.

How can WE be alone?

Yes, let's run away together!

Why do they put decorative patterns on paper towels, was there something wrong with plain white?

Physics_wiz

Nov26-04, 11:44 PM

Why do they put decorative patterns on paper towels, was there something wrong with plain white?

Because it's cheaper. Instead of designing new machines for just plain white, they use the machines that design some curtains like the ones they have in the dorms.

tribdog

Nov26-04, 11:55 PM

Because it's cheaper. Instead of designing new machines for just plain white, they use the machines that design some curtains like the ones they have in the dorms.
Dammit Physics_wiz! this thread has been going for almost a year and you just ruined it by not asking a question. Well, it was fun while it lasted everyone. Time to go home.

Physics_wiz

Nov27-04, 12:03 AM

Whoooooooooooops! :eek: :yuck:

Uhhhhhhh..........why did I forget to post a question? :uhh: :shy:

Moonbear

Nov27-04, 12:04 AM

Questions are irrelevant.

You can't have just forgotten to ask a quetion, could you? :surprised:

Astronuc

Nov27-04, 12:40 AM

I think Physics_Wiz was demonstrating a quantum leap or a quetion singularity.

Is this quetion relevant then? Or revelant for that matter?

Math Is Hard

Nov28-04, 03:44 PM

Is this quetion relevant then? Or revelant for that matter?
yes.... I mean, no. no wait, it's yes - I definitely meant yes.

Speaking of relevant, why does Gokul use a waffle iron with a big strip of bacon in front of it for his avatar?

tribdog

Nov28-04, 04:05 PM

because he's not just for breakfast anymore.

I'm learning how to paint what should I paint a picture of?

plover

Nov28-04, 07:41 PM

You should paint yourself—just don't paint yourself with transparent paint because you won't be able to find yourself anymore.

If somebody else finds him, where should they send him?

honestrosewater

Nov29-04, 04:34 AM

To Hollywood; They're remaking the Invisible Man.

Considering it's been going on for 1 year & 2 days, with 654 posts, when will the "Should we eat meat?" thread end?

Astronuc

Nov29-04, 09:04 AM

When we run out of meat.

But what would we do with the side dishes?

Nov29-04, 01:44 PM

Put them in a pot to roast.

Why do people try to poison a person with stewed tomatoes?

jimmy p

Nov29-04, 03:39 PM

Why do people try to poison a person with stewed tomatoes?

Because stewing broccolli removes the poison in it.

If broccolli is supposed to be a mini tree, what is cauliflower a mini version of?

ZeAsYn51

Nov29-04, 03:42 PM

It's a mini tree with snow on it.

Is the tomato a fruit or a vegetable?

jimmy p

Nov29-04, 03:45 PM

Is the tomato a fruit or a vegetable?

Neither. It is a mineral along with cucumber, carrot and pork pies.

Are nuts fruit or vegetables?

avemt1

Nov29-04, 03:47 PM

Because stewing broccolli removes the poison in it.

If broccolli is supposed to be a mini tree, what is cauliflower a mini version of?
cauliflower is a mini version of a forest on a small planet.
Why is the color blue blue?

Nov29-04, 03:57 PM

Because the person was colorblind and thought the bomb 'blue' up blue.

Why does school make people stupider?

honestrosewater

Nov29-04, 06:34 PM

Are nuts fruit or vegetables?

I'll say fruits so I don't have to type vegetables.

Why does school make people stupider?

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Can you get pregnant from eating fruit nuts?

jimmy p

Nov29-04, 09:22 PM

Can you get pregnant from eating fruit nuts?

Depends if you eat a male or female nut.

How come there are never obese or anorexic plants and animals in the wild?

Physics_wiz

Nov29-04, 09:30 PM

Because the ones who can get obese evolved into humans.

Why do I always wave back when girls wave to someone behind me and never wave when they're actually waving to me?

honestrosewater

Nov29-04, 11:15 PM

Why do I always wave back when girls wave to someone behind me and never wave when they're actually waving to me?

This is a simple case of mistaken identity.

When chickens get chicken pox, how do they scratch?

Gokul43201

Nov29-04, 11:40 PM

When chickens get chicken pox, how do they scratch?

Ha ha...that's a trick quetion. We know that chickens don't get chicken pox.

And speaking of chickens and stupid quetions, answer this one if you can :
What's the difference between a chicken ?

Moonbear

Nov30-04, 01:11 AM

And speaking of chickens and stupid quetions, answer this one if you can :
What's the difference between a chicken ?

Nope, can't anser it.

Which is better for banging on pots and pans, wooden spoons or metal spoons?

ZeAsYn51

Nov30-04, 01:18 AM

Save up your money and buy drums.

Which came first, the number 1 or the number 0?

Gokul43201

Nov30-04, 02:41 AM

Which came first, the number 1 or the number 0?
Not certain about this...but I think number 0 was diagnosed with premature ejaculation.

Would there be less crackpots if they called complex numbers something else...like say...ummm..."weebles" ?

Sariaht

Nov30-04, 04:06 AM

If we called them webless all satanist mathematicians would self ignite.

What is the point of a mermaids nose?

tribdog

Nov30-04, 09:23 AM

If we called them webless all satanist mathematicians would self ignite.

What is the point of a mermaids nose?
easy way to lift them into the boat using only two fingers.

Who would win in a fight Jack or Ronald McDonald or Wendy or the Taco Bell Dog?

matthyaouw

Nov30-04, 10:12 AM

Ronald McDonald could kick some anus with those giant shoes of his, plus if he got into trouble he could call the Hamburgler or those things that look like mops.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone were nice?

Nov30-04, 01:25 PM

No then we wouldn't have anything left to do.

Why do people stay out of the rain?

The Bob

Nov30-04, 03:46 PM

Why do people stay out of the rain?
Just incase they melt.

What is the point in kitting???

The Bob (2004 ©)

tribdog

Nov30-04, 08:50 PM

the k, definitely the k.

How would life be different if our thumbs were on the outside?

Smurf

Nov30-04, 08:58 PM

they are on the outside, the real question is what if they were sewed onto our coats?

Gokul43201

Nov30-04, 08:58 PM

How would life be different if our thumbs were on the outside?

Sure it would. Imagine your wife yelling at you to "take out the trash, and bring the thumbs in while you're at it...". Guess that's not all that different, after all.

Edit : beat to the punch by the little blue man.

... what if they were sewed onto our coats?

This is a brilliant idea. This way we could hitch rides without have to lift a finger.

What are some of the more creative uses for dental floss ?

BoulderHead

Nov30-04, 09:00 PM

What are some of the more creative uses for dental floss ?
It's great for wearing to the beach as a bikini replacement...

Got any more, hahah?

[edit}
Oops, I was beat to the punch too, please ignore this post.

Math Is Hard

Dec1-04, 06:23 PM

It's great for wearing to the beach as a bikini replacement...

Got any more, hahah?
Got any more of what? Bikini replacements?
Sure! Lots!!!

1) whipped cream
2) aluminum foil
3) fig leaf
4) marshmallows
5) live ferrets
6) topsoil
7) a couple of AOL CDs and a slingshot
8) Boulderhead's boxer shorts
9) duct tape

Why can't I go swimming at the YMCA anymore? :cry:

Physics_wiz

Dec1-04, 07:19 PM

Because you use whipped cream as a bikini replacement.

Why are engineers called nerds (in my college at least)?

selfAdjoint

Dec1-04, 08:43 PM

Because you use whipped cream as a bikini replacement.

Why are engineers called nerds (in my college at least)?

It stands for Nutty Engineering Romance Dropout.

Why are CS students called Dweebs?

tribdog

Dec1-04, 09:47 PM

Dilemma: we're embarassingly emotional, but smart.

Would you rather be the 10 of clubs or the 3 of hearts?

Moonbear

Dec1-04, 11:17 PM

10 of clubs. No idea why.

Disney's teacup ride...why teacups? Why not soup bowls?

Math Is Hard

Dec2-04, 12:30 AM

10 of clubs. No idea why.

Disney's teacup ride...why teacups? Why not soup bowls?
a very valid quetion, as most Americans have graduated from teacup-sized to soup-bowl-sized butts in the last three decades.

Which brings me to a related quetion.. if a woman's bra size is a T-cup, why is her bosom size more like a couple of gallons than two teensy half-pints?

madcat11

Dec2-04, 09:50 AM

Which brings me to a related quetion.. if a woman's bra size is a T-cup, why is her bosom size more like a couple of gallons than two teensy half-pints?

Because 12-year old boys choose the names for women's underwear...

Also, related quetion: Since A (avocado), B (baseball), C (cantalope) and D (dog) cup sizes are so descriptive, why don't jock straps come in letter sizes? :bugeye:

Jesus Freak

Dec2-04, 10:45 AM

Because men are not classified by their jockstrap, but by the size of their shoes

Moonbear

Dec2-04, 10:52 AM

Jesus Freak, get back here! You forgot to ask a quetion! :cry: We've worked too long and hard to keep this game going to see it end here. :cry:

Smurf

Dec2-04, 11:17 AM

Why do hot dogs come in packages of 12 and buns in packages of 8?

matthyaouw

Dec2-04, 11:31 AM

It's to keep a cycle of purchase going. If you buy 12 hot dogs, and 8 buns, then you'll run out of buns and be forced to buy more before you can finish the hot dogs, but then you'll have surplus buns and require more hot dogs. Here is where the theory stumbles, as the next purchase will leave you with sufficient hotdogs to fill the buns, but I'd wager it relies on someone dropping one, or snacking on a lone hotdog late at night when no other food is readily avaliable.

Is work a gas? (I'm basing this on the fact that it expands to fill the space you have to do it)

jimmy p

Dec2-04, 02:51 PM

Is work a gas? (I'm basing this on the fact that it expands to fill the space you have to do it)

No, its a type of curry.

How come quetion has less letters than question?

8====D

Dec2-04, 02:58 PM

It doesn't, you're just dreaming.

If you were to die in the next 5 hours, what will you do? :biggrin:

jimmy p

Dec2-04, 03:00 PM

It doesn't, you're just dreaming.

If you were to die in the next 5 hours, what will you do? :biggrin:

Start my stopwatch.

How can you start a stopwatch?

8====D

Dec2-04, 03:06 PM

You put batteries into a clock.

Where can I buy batteries?

jimmy p

Dec2-04, 03:09 PM

Where can I buy batteries?

The finest gun batteries are easily stolen from your local army base.

Why do hyenas find everything funny?

8====D

Dec2-04, 03:45 PM

Too much laughing gas.

How many posts do I have? How come it says zero?

mattmns

Dec2-04, 03:53 PM

0 obviously

Why did you ask two questions?

The Bob

Dec2-04, 05:27 PM

Why did you ask two questions?
Because this person likes cheating. :rofl:

What is the point in sausage rolls being used as wheels???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Dec2-04, 05:35 PM

Because he asked the same question twice, but wanted different answers. Sounds greedy.

Why do people think power corrupts?

Smurf

Dec2-04, 07:03 PM

Because when people hear something clever they automatically think "Thats clever, it must be true", so it was with "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" which is really just a meaningless slogan to gain control of the population and convince them that Democracy is the best option. Similar to the slogan "Support our troops" which also doesn't mean anything, it's just something that no one's against, everyone's for and distracts the people from the real issues like "What do you think of our policies"

Whats the difference between pork bellies and deep fried bacon?

Moonbear

Dec2-04, 08:24 PM

Whats the difference between pork bellies and deep fried bacon?

About $2 billion.

Why is it called a sink when it stays bolted to the countertop?

Smurf

Dec2-04, 08:29 PM

The original design was that it would 'sink' into the wall and electro radiated macrowave beams would recreate an exact replicate of your hands which it would then screw onto your wrists after incinerating your original pair and recycling the ashes as Plutonium Chlorophyte which would be used to power the Fusion Quantum Batteries that created the hands in the first place. :approve:

Does anyone really know how a microwave works?

Gokul43201

Dec2-04, 08:30 PM

Why is it called a sink when it stays bolted to the countertop?

To remind you that diamond rings are heavier than water.

Edit :too late...ignore this :frown:

Does anyone really know how a microwave works

Yeah, there's a tribe that inhabit a bunch of islands in the South Pacific that do.

Why is it so important for dishwashing soap to work wonders for your skin ?

Moonbear

Dec2-04, 08:39 PM

TWhy is it so important for dishwashing soap to work wonders for your skin ?

Because that scoundrel laundry soap refuses to do it.

If you put a light bulb, grape and aluminum foil into the microwave all at the same time, what color is the front door?

Smurf

Dec2-04, 08:45 PM

Pitch black, the light reflects off the grape and goes into the light bulb causing a psychoanalytical reaction to the aluminium which effectively destroys all the light in the microwave.

What country is Africa in?

Gokul43201

Dec2-04, 08:48 PM

What country is Africa in?

London ! No, wait...that's a continent...but...but Africa itself is a country, isn't it ? There, I knew that was a trick quetion ! :approve:

But why do Africans look like black folk (nothing to do with a grape, a bulb and an aluminum foil I hope) ?

Smurf

Dec2-04, 09:06 PM

But why do Africans look like black folk (nothing to do with a grape, a bulb and an aluminum foil I hope) ?
'Fraid so, when the KKK got together with god they decided that all indigenous africans would look like the blacks in America and so they bought a Eden-Sized Microwave, a grape and some aluminium foil, picked up africa and stuck it in the microwave and turned it on.

Why is this guy's face grey? :surprised

plover

Dec2-04, 09:12 PM

He can't wash it without getting soap in his eyes

How do you digitize soap?

Smurf

Dec2-04, 09:14 PM

Use the scanner on your cell phone.

Why is ritalin so widely accepted?

plover

Dec2-04, 09:28 PM

I think it's something in the water.

Why is this out of the quetion? this

UrbanXrisis

Dec2-04, 09:48 PM

Because after you typed "Why is this out of the quetion?", you typed "this"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BoulderHead

Dec2-04, 09:50 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To poop on the other side.

What's that white stuff in chicken poop?
(I know, I asked this a long time ago but it's the best I can do right now.)

UrbanXrisis

Dec3-04, 12:32 AM

chocolate.

why is it white?

honestrosewater

Dec3-04, 01:53 AM

chocolate.

why is it white?

You chicken-poop-inspecting people are freaks, that's why.

Why is looking at chicken poop better than watching Fox News?

Smurf

Dec3-04, 02:07 AM

Chicken poop doesn't lie in your language.

Does size really matter?

honestrosewater

Dec3-04, 03:55 AM

Does size really matter?

As Robin Williams says, "You can't make butter with a toothpick". But I think we should consult a butter-making expert.

All you butter-making experts: Can you make butter with a toothpick?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 04:37 AM

No, but it'll save you a groaning taking off smurf's edge if you use one instead.

Do you groan on the edge?

Smurf

Dec3-04, 04:41 AM

All the bloody time

Why are people still doing this so late?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 04:42 AM

All the bloody time

Why are people still doing this so late?

Cause thats when the neighbors are asleep.

Why aren't we doing this more often?

Smurf

Dec3-04, 04:47 AM

Life gets in the way sometimes

Think I could get used to this?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 04:54 AM

I think you could get used to anything.

Why do people look at me funny when i start talking about energy transport in stellar interiors?

Smurf

Dec3-04, 11:10 AM

They're small minds don't comprehend the greater sciences. So when they start hearing advanced Ideas they will psychologically reject them, and because they've been caught up in the consumerist disney market they express their inferiority by making odd faces.

Why am I so smart and everyone else so hopelessly ignorant to my genius?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 02:23 PM

Because your thinking is much too backasswards.

Why is backasswards even a word?

jimmy p

Dec3-04, 05:59 PM

Why is backasswards even a word?

Because if it wasnt, you couldnt say it and if you tried the grammar and spelling gestapo would hunt you down and sew your lips shut.

Why should I mind my P's and Q's?

madcat11

Dec3-04, 07:09 PM

a twofer:

What is the point in sausage rolls being used as wheels???

The Bob (2004 ©)

I know it was a quote way back but, no one answered it and, it's a valid quetion and, in fact, a very interesting one which deserves a stupid answer just as much as any other one...so.... ah ... sausage rolls used as wheels, the point is... they roll.

Why should I mind my P's and Q's?

Cuz if you don't you might get a cupie.

Does the earth move around the sun or the other way around?

Math Is Hard

Dec3-04, 07:55 PM

Does the earth move around the sun or the other way around?
Something like that. Impossible to tell from this angle.

How do you balance on your tail like that, MadCat?

tribdog

Dec3-04, 08:00 PM

balance? I thought that was a picture of someone's nose.

What's a good cure for a painful burn?

BoulderHead

Dec3-04, 08:14 PM

What's a good cure for a painful burn?
About 3 or 4 days.

What's this git-r-done saying I'm beginning to hear?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 08:31 PM

Its a new lifestyl fad, French equivalent of a diet fad. Your main activity consists of grunting itover and over all day. really burns the calories from that frnech vanilla ice cream.

Whydo they reduce fashion trend to fad?

Astronuc

Dec3-04, 08:39 PM

Whydo they reduce fashion trend to fad?

Because 'fand' sounds too awkward. Or because the kind of people who worry about such things can only manage words with three letters or less. :biggrin:

Why is this thread only rated 5 stars?

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 08:45 PM

Because there are only 4 starsin the alfabet. Duh.

Why is he -----> :uhh: so paranoid right now?

BoulderHead

Dec3-04, 08:56 PM

Because there are only 4 starsin the alfabet. Duh.

Why is he -----> :uhh: so paranoid right now?
Because he did this one wrong----> o:)

What is going on between these two: :!!) :approve:

franznietzsche

Dec3-04, 09:34 PM

:!!) = 14 year old moron who loves...
:approve: = jerk celebrity

You do the math.

Thanks to SpaceShipOne we know have commercial astronauts. But why don't we commercial cosmonauts? Isn't it politically incorrect?

Astronuc

Dec4-04, 02:02 AM

But why don't we commercial cosmonauts? Isn't it politically incorrect?

I don't know how we would commercial a cosmonaut.

What's on the other side of this screen?

franznietzsche

Dec4-04, 03:34 AM

Liquid Crystals.

How can a crystal be liquid? Isn't that contradictory?

honestrosewater

Dec4-04, 04:14 AM

How can a crystal be liquid? Isn't that contradictory?
Not if you name your horse Crystal.

Did you ask to be born?

mattmns

Dec4-04, 01:38 PM

No I did not.

Who are you supposed to ask? [to be born]

jimmy p

Dec4-04, 03:27 PM

No I did not.

Who are you supposed to ask? [to be born]

I asked my milkman.

Are all milkmen married to swedish milkmaids called Ute?

franznietzsche

Dec4-04, 03:50 PM

Only if they're named Sven. If they're named Olaf then they're married to norwegian milkmaids named Olga.

Why is it that waking up, hung over or not, is always a bad thing?

The Bob

Dec5-04, 08:12 AM

Why is it that waking up, hung over or not, is always a bad thing?
Because sleep is great and something that no one wants to disturb. But you have to and that is why it is bad. It is the transition from the land of sand and sea and palm trees to realising that the ship you were on was in fact none existant.

Not Fair.

What is the reason for the shape of bananas???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Dec5-04, 10:05 AM

What is the reason for the shape of bananas???

The Bob (2004 ©)

So you can peel them, duh. (the 'fruit-creator' thought of that early-on; you couldn't very easily peel a banana if it were shaped like a car transmission...)

[and, that's not my tail...]

Is he :bugeye: wearing magnifying glasses?

honestrosewater

Dec5-04, 12:17 PM

Is he :bugeye: wearing magnifying glasses?

No, :bugeye: is a girl.

If I look in my ear while wearing magnifying glasses, will I appear smarter than I actually am?

BoulderHead

Dec5-04, 12:58 PM

Perhaps not, but your head will certainly appear more flexible then it actually is.

Should "Toe-jam football" be allowed as an officially recogized Olympic competition?

franznietzsche

Dec5-04, 02:05 PM

Perhaps not, but your head will certainly appear more flexible then it actually is.

Should "Toe-jam football" be allowed as an officially recogized Olympic competition?

Not before endurance sleepingdag gummit!!! I want my gold medal!!!

Why is gold so much better than silver?

jimmy p

Dec5-04, 03:12 PM

Why is gold so much better than silver?

Because silver is better than bronze but not quite as good as gold.

Why do people laugh at their own jokes?

franznietzsche

Dec5-04, 05:22 PM

Because silver is better than bronze but not quite as good as gold.

Why do people laugh at their own jokes?

Because they're funny.

Why am i always so hungry, even when i don't eat?

Moonbear

Dec6-04, 12:35 AM

Because they're funny.

Why am i always so hungry, even when i don't eat?

Well, that makes no sense at all. If you don't eat, your stomach should get used to being empty, and downregulate the hungry proteins so you don't feel hungry anymore. You might need to check that out with your doctor.

Why are scissors always sold in packages that require scissors to open?

franznietzsche

Dec6-04, 12:48 AM

because otherwise drunk people like me might open and use them

Why am i posting after sooo many long island iced teas?

Moonbear

Dec6-04, 12:51 AM

Why am i posting after sooo many long island iced teas?

Because you're too drunk to remember the recipe for rum and cokes.

Why does rum and coke taste great, but rum and rootbeer is quite awful?

franznietzsche

Dec6-04, 01:39 AM

Actually i like rum and rootbeer. Shot of rootbeer, pint of rum. Good stuff.

Why do so many people drink wussie drinks instead of good old fashioned hard liquor?

Smurf

Dec6-04, 02:25 AM

More time to enjoy it before your taste buds start to dance.

Why do I always forget to post a question?

mattmns

Dec6-04, 12:04 PM

You didn't forget that time, or maybe you did...

Why does pumpkin pie make a great breakfast? *wipes face*

Dec6-04, 01:45 PM

It has enough sugar to allow you energy to start the coffee machine.

Why does morning come so early?

jimmy p

Dec6-04, 02:10 PM

Why does morning come so early?

Cos night finishes so late to guarantee minimum sleeping time.

Citric acid is found in citrus fruit. Why is this so convenient?

Dec6-04, 03:00 PM

Otherwise we'ld have to look to potatoes.

Can one imagine a world without people?

jimmy p

Dec6-04, 03:08 PM

Otherwise we'ld have to look to potatoes.

Can one imagine a world without people?

Every time I look at the sun.

How come the answer blows in the wind?

Dec6-04, 03:36 PM

Because that's what it is made of, the air coming from your mouth.

Getting a question is always harder, why is an answer always the easy thing?

franznietzsche

Dec6-04, 04:27 PM

Because, like Derek Zoolander you couldn't turn left to save your ***.

Why is being drunk sooo much fun?

jimmy p

Dec7-04, 05:19 AM

Why is being drunk sooo much fun?

Because when you are drunk the world laughs with you... like this... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Does soap ever get dirty?

honestrosewater

Dec7-04, 06:09 AM

Does soap ever get dirty?

Sure, if you like it dirty.

You do know I'm not talking about soap, right?

madcat11

Dec7-04, 11:07 AM

You do know I'm not talking about soap, right?

No, I don't... actually, I'm not sure ... no, wait, yes I am!

What's the percentage of soap - the ratio of soap to dish-material - that must remain in the dish in order for the bar to adhere to it?

franznietzsche

Dec7-04, 12:51 PM

No, I don't... actually, I'm not sure ... no, wait, yes I am!

What's the percentage of soap - the ratio of soap to dish-material - that must remain in the dish in order for the bar to adhere to it?

5.

why do all threads turn to sex inevitably before being unhijacked?

Sariaht

Dec7-04, 02:25 PM

Yes, naturally the forum you go to with the idea "I want to read about sex" is Physics Forums

Will the newbuilders on mars be top astronauts, and if so will they form a more advanced civilisation then any of those on planet earth? Will they be called marsians? Form a new species?

Astronuc

Dec8-04, 01:28 AM

Will the newbuilders on mars be top astronauts,
Well I suppose they'd have to be in order to get to mars, unless they hitchhiked.

and if so will they form a more advanced civilisation then any of those on planet earth?
Not if we get there first.

Will they be called marsians?
That will depend on the winning name of the naming contest.

Form a new species?
You had to bring up the sex angle, didn't you? o:)

But a really more important question.

Seriously, how would I know if I had a sense of humor?

franznietzsche

Dec8-04, 01:30 AM

if you get this joke: "I'm the most antisocial person I know!" then you have a sense of humor.

Why is it impossible to find people worth dating?

The Bob

Dec8-04, 05:27 PM

Why is it impossible to find people worth dating?
It could be the other way round.

Why do people joke about the evilest of things???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Dec8-04, 06:18 PM

It could be the other way round.

Why do people joke about the evilest of things???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Because were all innately good, just like they tells me.

What's the best cure for broccoli foot?

BoulderHead

Dec8-04, 06:35 PM

What's the best cure for broccoli foot?
Let it soak in cauliflower ear.

Is it illogical to love logic gates?

franznietzsche

Dec8-04, 07:54 PM

Let it soak in cauliflower ear.

Is it illogical to love logic gates?

Only if the love of logic is pure.

Why are liquids so yummy?

Les Sleeth

Dec8-04, 08:20 PM

Why are liquids so yummy?

See the next stupid question.

Why do they call it a blowjob? Bad physics or what? A guy could get killed if his girl actually believed that's how it's done. :bugeye:

BoulderHead

Dec8-04, 08:49 PM

Why do they call it a blowjob? Bad physics or what? A guy could get killed if his girl actually believed that's how it's done. :bugeye:
I don’t have time to think about an answer, but for a long time I considered getting one’s brains blown out something desirable. Now I consider it vital !

Is this related in some manner to the 'three-hole option' ?

franznietzsche

Dec8-04, 09:17 PM

Only if that's a three-some technique.

See, this is exactly my point. Why do all these threads get hijacked to sex, or as Saint would say, SEX, so quickly?

Les Sleeth

Dec8-04, 09:44 PM

Why do all these threads get hijacked to sex, or as Saint would say, SEX, so quickly?

This is EXACTLY what's wrong with this world. Sickos turning every innoscent thing o:) into sex.

Blowjob, you know, with a hair dryer? :rolleyes: And if your lady treats it as a "job," rather than art, then you could get killed. Sheesh, how damn obvious does a guy have to be???????? :uhh:

loseyourname

Dec8-04, 09:58 PM

This is EXACTLY what's wrong with this world. Sickos turning every innoscent thing o:) into sex.

Blowjob, you know, with a hair dryer? :rolleyes: And if your lady treats it as a "job," rather than art, then you could get killed. Sheesh, how damn obvious does a guy have to be???????? :uhh:

Guys have to be as obvious as is necessary to induce gals into action.

Anyway, I've always wondered. If you're Jewish and also believe that animals have souls, are you allowed to eat a pig's soul in heaven?

franznietzsche

Dec9-04, 12:32 AM

Anyway, I've always wondered. If you're Jewish and also believe that animals have souls, are you allowed to eat a pig's soul in heaven?

ONly if you're an Ashkenasi (sp?) jew.

Why does :bugeye: always make me think of tribdog?

jimmy p

Dec9-04, 02:18 PM

ONly if you're an Ashkenasi (sp?) jew.

Why does :bugeye: always make me think of tribdog?

Because he is a bug with a computer. Or a computer virus.

Why do dogs sniff eachother's butts?

Dec9-04, 04:27 PM

It smells better than dog breath.

Who first invented humor?

Reshma

Dec10-04, 09:09 AM

The person who discovered 'laughing gas'.

The Bob

Dec10-04, 09:42 AM

The person who discovered 'laughing gas'.
This is not aimed at Reshma as a individual but can you all remember that you have to ask a question as well. PLEASE REMEMBER.

So here is a question: What is the history behind 'laughing gas'???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Dec10-04, 02:32 PM

This is not aimed at Reshma as a individual but can you all remember that you have to ask a question as well. PLEASE REMEMBER.

So here is a question: What is the history behind 'laughing gas'???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Discovered, Inhaled, and Injected into my engine.

Why would something used for getting high get my car to such high speeds?

The Bob

Dec13-04, 06:10 PM

Why would something used for getting high get my car to such high speeds?
Well to get high you need fumes. These smell of bananas and most cars like oranges. Therefore they work fast to get away from the fumes and so work harder and drive the car faster. The accelerator actually controls the concentration of banana fumes.

Why do Parrots like Banana Fumes???

The Bob (2004 ©)

plover

Dec13-04, 06:24 PM

Why do Parrots like Banana Fumes???
The monkeys have taken to smoking bananas and the parrots get addicted to second-hand banana fumes.

The sloths, on the other hand, don't seem to have the same problem. Why not?

jimmy p

Dec14-04, 05:22 AM

The sloths, on the other hand, don't seem to have the same problem. Why not?

Sloths are violently allergic to bananas, so instead of enjoying the aroma of smoked banana, they swell up and die.

Why do horses have hooves?

The Bob

Dec14-04, 06:37 PM

Why do horses have hooves?
So they can clean up after them selves. Oh..... hooves not hovers. :blushing:

They have them to prevent swelling of the toe skin.

Horses have toes???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Sariaht

Dec16-04, 06:25 AM

Yes, they just cant move them.

Can you move your toes one by one, all of them?

madcat11

Dec16-04, 09:02 PM

Can you move your toes one by one, all of them?

No, but my husband can - move MY toes, that is - , and does so with zest when the spirit moves him.

What is the opposite of zest?

hypnagogue

Dec16-04, 11:58 PM

What is the opposite of zest?

Irish Spring.

If a four-leafed clover is lucky, then what's a five-leafed clover?

tribdog

Dec17-04, 12:28 AM

pentaclover

What's so Charming, or lucky for that matter, about hard, marshmallowish blue diamonds.

Moonbear

Dec17-04, 01:03 AM

pentaclover

What's so Charming, or lucky for that matter, about hard, marshmallowish blue diamonds.

Lucky you don't break your teeth on them.

What shape will indigo be?

tribdog

Dec17-04, 01:07 AM

lets see, green hearts, blue diamonds, pink shovels, purple clovers, hmm<me mumbling to myself as I think
indigo girls?

Do you remember the indigo girls?

franznietzsche

Dec17-04, 01:21 AM

No, but the Indigo-go-go-girls was a strip club.

Why does he have no pants on?

hypnagogue

Dec18-04, 04:06 AM

Why does he have no pants on?

Because he already has a sock on.

Where do socks go when you lose them in the laundry? Why do I get the feeling someone already asked that?

franznietzsche

Dec18-04, 05:10 AM

Because he already has a sock on.

Where do socks go when you lose them in the laundry? Why do I get the feeling someone already asked that?

42.

Who does :grumpy: remind you of?

Smurf

Dec18-04, 05:10 AM

Dalai Lama

Why is this thread so long?

franznietzsche

Dec18-04, 05:13 AM

Its only as long as I am.

Why is blue that color?

Moses

Dec18-04, 06:50 AM

Becuase purple is sexy, not blue

What does Z looks like?

DeathKnight

Dec18-04, 11:09 AM

It looks like a 9 rotated clockwise by 90 degrees.

Whats so special about Oxygen?

plover

Dec18-04, 11:56 AM

Whats so special about Oxygen?
We don't like to talk about that. Nitrogen can be so touchy about the subject, and poor Fluorine never did recover from the shock...

Why are there no plans to fix Gallium so that it will melt in your mouth but not in your hands?

franznietzsche

Dec18-04, 03:59 PM

We don't like to talk about that. Nitrogen can be so touchy about the subject, and poor Fluorine never did recover from the shock...

Why are there no plans to fix Gallium so that it will melt in your mouth but not in your hands?

Because mercury is healthier for eating.

Why am i so hungry?

dextercioby

Dec18-04, 04:29 PM

Because George W.Bush got reelected.

Where does Sun go at night??

Nylex

Dec18-04, 04:33 PM

Back home to California.

Why is water colourless?

dextercioby

Dec18-04, 04:44 PM

'Coz the fish are colorbind.

What does a dumb cat do to a mouse?

hypnagogue

Dec18-04, 05:52 PM

What does a dumb cat do to a mouse?

Chase it in the direction of a mouse-phobic elephant.

Why do elephants never forget?

Moonbear

Dec18-04, 06:47 PM

Why do elephants never forget?

I don't remember. :confused:

Do you remember when the ansers in this thread were lengthy and witty, not a bunch of one-liners?

Astronuc

Dec18-04, 06:51 PM

Do you remember when the ansers in this thread were lengthy and witty, not a bunch of one-liners?

Well, no, I have to admit that I don't remember.

Do you know that I know that you know that I know that you that I know that . . . [ad infinitum]? :biggrin:

BoulderHead

Dec18-04, 07:47 PM

Well, no, I have to admit that I don't remember.

Do you know that I know that you know that I know that you that I know that . . . [ad infinitum]? :biggrin:
You know I didn't know that! :tongue:

Does anyone remember when Tom worked out the SPF value needed for an individual in the Biblical Hell (it was most illuminating!) ?

Moonbear

Dec18-04, 08:11 PM

Does anyone remember when Tom worked out the SPF value needed for an individual in the Biblical Hell (it was most illuminating!) ?

Not really. He got some on the lightbulb, and it blocked out all the light, so I couldn't read the rest of the solution in the dark.

Why do people call it "Biblical" Hell? Is there another Hell?

BoulderHead

Dec18-04, 08:14 PM

Yes, the one I live in.

How 'bout usted?

The Bob

Dec21-04, 04:15 PM

How 'bout usted?
usted?? What is Usted??

The Bob (2004 ©)

BoulderHead

Dec21-04, 11:22 PM

You.

Did I nearly kill this thread with that question?

Gokul43201

Dec22-04, 12:09 AM

Did I nearly kill this thread with that question?

No, but you dealt it a horrid blow to the head with that terrible misspelling.

I just got another AOL CD in the mail. Guess what I've got planned for it ? :devil:

madcat11

Dec22-04, 08:27 AM

I just got another AOL CD in the mail. Guess what I've got planned for it ? :devil:

You'll probably gush, "Oh, goody, another one this weeK!" and put it in your collection - which is now 4,531 strong - all lined up around the top of your roof (and the adjacent apartment roofs, as well), and when the number reaches 5,000 - which should happen sometime before the end of the year - you plan to kick the first one in this enormously intricate row of disks you've created and that will send the rest into a snaking, domino-like fall, which, when flat on the roof, will create a reflection - because of the low location of the sun at this time - that will knock out all communication satelites currently circling this side of the planet.

Is it roofs or rooves?

Nylex

Dec22-04, 08:50 AM

Is it roofs or rooves?

Depends on the mood you're in.

Why is the plural of "goose" "geese", but the plural of "moose" isn't "meese"?

Reshma

Dec22-04, 09:07 AM

Depends on the mood you're in.

Why is the plural of "goose" "geese", but the plural of "moose" isn't "meese"?
Just the same way as the plural of "mouse" is mice but the plural of "house" isn't "hice".

If love is "blind", why do people fall in love at first "sight"?

franznietzsche

Dec22-04, 12:56 PM

Just the same way as the plural of "mouse" is mice but the plural of "house" isn't "hice".

If love is "blind", why do people fall in love at first "sight"?

Because blind sight is just like faith healing, magical.

Why are pancake houses so comodius?

mattmns

Dec22-04, 01:28 PM

I am going to guess that you meant commodious? Pankcake houses are so commodious because after a large stack of pancakes you need to loosen your belt, and push back your chair.

Why are pancakes soooo good?

honestrosewater

Dec25-04, 01:45 AM

Why are pancakes soooo good?
Strict moral upbringing.

If I could save time in a bottle, would it have to be a Klein Bottle?

The Bob

Dec28-04, 08:15 AM

If I could save time in a bottle, would it have to be a Klein Bottle?

It would have to be a very small bottle, I think.

What is the purpose of soap???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Dec28-04, 09:29 AM

I don't know the purpose of the soap but do you know mine?
You won't believe me that the basic rule of it all
is the law of lever. But believe you me it is!!!
I must say I am impressed by it all and I have been waiting along time for another long winded answer to something for a while but you did not leave a question.

I mean what is the point in answering this thread if you do not leave a question??? :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

eax

Dec28-04, 01:37 PM

The Bob

Dec28-04, 06:49 PM

Most amazing and confusing question ever :D

what's 2+2

Ask it to a random person and they will stumble in confusion for a few seconds :D Works every time ;) (except in math class, the students are ready)
Any other newbie that does not get the point of this thread. You answer the last question in the last post and then ask one yourself.

Will no on get this???

The Bob (2004 ©)

tribdog

Dec28-04, 08:33 PM

Will no on get this???

The Bob (2004 ©)
Only you Bob, only you.

At what temperature will a piece of ham burst into flame?

rachmaninoff

Dec29-04, 10:03 PM

According to a reclusive amazonian tribe who have constructed an entire measuring system on the physical and chemical properties of dead pigs - the answer is: unity (1).

(Edit: then again it might depend on the species of dead pig in question...)

Why is a mongoose?

The Bob

Dec31-04, 11:50 AM

Why is a mongoose?
Because a Tou-Can.

Why is it that you can wait ages for a bus and then three come at once???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Rader

Dec31-04, 11:54 AM

The Bob

Jan2-05, 04:04 PM

How come the New Year is celebrated at the end of the Year if it is so new?
It is meant to trick your mind into thinking the wrong way round. It is very clever.

Look at post above this one for next question.

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Jan5-05, 05:13 PM

Why is it that you can wait ages for a bus and then three come at once???
I don't know but I saw it happen today.

What is the point in Mathematical problems???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Jan5-05, 05:16 PM

What is the point in Mathematical problems???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The decimal, duh.

What is the point in the road?

rachmaninoff

Jan5-05, 06:13 PM

The point in "the road?" is the little dot under the question mark '?'.

What is the point of grammar?

The Bob

Jan5-05, 06:20 PM

What is the point of grammar?

We could go on this route all night. It is there so that words are not in any old order (although this can happen in Russia).

Russia???

The Bob (2004 ©)

rachmaninoff

Jan5-05, 07:19 PM

Moscow.

Luxembourg?

The Bob

Jan6-05, 05:45 AM

Luxembourg?
Luxembourg but another circle is appearing.

Where is the centre of a piece of cake???

The Bob (2004 *©)

franznietzsche

Jan6-05, 05:45 AM

Moscow.

Luxembourg?

Money

Mone?

The Bob

Jan7-05, 02:18 PM

Mone?
What???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Jan10-05, 03:17 PM

What???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Sky.

Will this thread make it to 2,000 posts?

BoulderHead

Jan11-05, 09:30 PM

Sky.

Will this thread make it to 2,000 posts?
Not the way it's going.

Does this thread deserve to reach 2,000 posts?

Gokul43201

Jan12-05, 12:50 AM

Does this thread deserve to reach 2,000 posts?
Not the way it's going.

What say we solve a murder mystery instead ?

rachmaninoff

Jan12-05, 01:40 AM

What say we solve a murder mystery instead ?

Not the way it's going.

Could I solve the Riemann conjecture if I tried?

Gokul43201

Jan12-05, 01:56 AM

Could I solve the Riemann conjecture if I tried?

Fat chance ! You'd sooner compose a piano concerto than solve a millenium problem.

Okay, so I'm wandering about in PF-land and suddenly I'm ambushed by a stealthy member trying to rob me of my posts (I know this, from all the threatening PMs I've gotten from an unknown sender). Just as I turn around, I feel a blow to the back of my head followed by ....nothing.

Whodunnit ?

BoulderHead

Jan12-05, 08:35 AM

Okay, so I'm wandering about in PF-land and suddenly I'm ambushed by a stealthy member trying to rob me of my posts (I know this, from all the threatening PMs I've gotten from an unknown sender). Just as I turn around, I feel a blow to the back of my head followed by ....nothing.

Whodunnit ?
This woman right here;
http://sdrc.lib.uiowa.edu/traveling-culture/turkey.jpg

How many posts did she make off with?

remcook

Jan12-05, 09:36 AM

i could tell, but I'd have to kill you

does it ever stop?

hypnagogue

Jan12-05, 09:37 AM

How many posts did she make off with?

Pi, to go with the turkey.

Assume a turkey is a sphere. Would you want to eat it?

honestrosewater

Jan12-05, 03:48 PM

Assume a turkey is a sphere. Would you want to eat it?Only after it stops.
does it ever stop?Only after I eat it.

If qualia were a joke, would the zombies get it?

franznietzsche

Jan12-05, 03:56 PM

NO they only get qualio.

Whats wrong with this guy: :!!) ? Is he diseased?

hypnagogue

Jan12-05, 04:01 PM

If qualia were a joke, would the zombies get it?

It is logically impossible for qualia to be a joke; that is to say, there are no metaphysically possible worlds wherein qualia can be jokes.

If zombies could tell jokes, would we feel any worse about dismembering them and then setting the pieces on fire?

honestrosewater

Jan12-05, 05:11 PM

Whats wrong with this guy :!!) ? Is he diseased?Yes, he has herpes simplex keratitis- and you can guess how he got it. :tongue2:
If zombies could tell jokes, would we feel any worse about dismembering them and then setting the pieces on fire?No worse than they would feel.

Are impure representational properties what I think they are? :devil:

hypnagogue

Jan12-05, 05:44 PM

Are impure representational properties what I think they are? :devil:

I can't possibly answer such an impurely represented question.

What's the over/under on how long the "Should we eat meat?" thread lasts?

honestrosewater

Jan12-05, 11:44 PM

What's the over/under on how long the "Should we eat meat?" thread lasts?Until it ends- over someone's dead body, under suspicious circumstances.

Has anyone ever actually seen a chicken cross a road?

Gokul43201

Jan13-05, 12:54 AM

Has anyone ever actually seen a chicken cross a road?

I have. I was walking down the street (not really on the street, but you get what I mean) when I noticed Colonel Sanders on the other side, greedily eyeing something crossing the road towards him. Stupid chicken !

Feeling an urge to rescue the chicken from the grim fate that was drooling at it, I decided to try and distract the Colonel.

"Colonel, there's a bear behind you !! :eek:", I screamed. No effect.

Next I tried, "Fire in the hole", but that didn't work either.

After several such unsuccessful attempts, during which time the chicken had made little forward progress, I gave up and asked the Colonel, "Why did the chicken cross the road ?". Immediately the Colonel's head snapped in my direction, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

What did the Colonel say next ?

hypnagogue

Jan13-05, 03:35 AM

What did the Colonel say next ?

He exclaimed effusively, "I'm lickin' this gross toad because it lets me see God!", whereupon he turned and went on his way with a positively giggly Ronald McDonald.

If God were a chicken, could he create a road so long that he couldn't cross it?

honestrosewater

Jan13-05, 04:32 AM

If God were a chicken, could he create a road so long that he couldn't cross it?It is logically impossible for God to be a chicken; that is to say, there are no metaphysically possible worlds wherein God can be a chicken.

Who wants ice?

franznietzsche

Jan13-05, 05:01 AM

Not me, they don't give you ice in hospitals so it must be bad for you.

They give you bedpans in hospitals not toilets. Does this mean toilets are unhealthy and we all should use bedpans on a daily basis?

madcat11

Jan13-05, 08:11 PM

They give you bedpans in hospitals not toilets. Does this mean toilets are unhealthy and we all should use bedpans on a daily basis?

Don't 'should yourself up' on that one - when it comes to bodily functions, it's a black and white concept - yes/no - right/wrong. Tile, sinks, commodes - all black and white. Yes, indeed.

However, when we have a little temperature, are we a little unhealthy?

franznietzsche

Jan14-05, 04:44 AM

However, when we have a little temperature, are we a little unhealthy?

I don't have little things so i wouldn't know.

Have you ever lived in commodius cakes of the pan?

franznietzsche

Jan16-05, 09:57 AM

I don't have little things so i wouldn't know.

Have you ever lived in commodius cakes of the pan?

Many times.

Am I allowed to respond to myself in order to save this thread?

The Bob

Jan16-05, 10:43 AM

Am I allowed to respond to myself in order to save this thread?
Yes. Many times I have done the same but people are just not taking an interested in it anymore. I think this thread has a future but people are just being lazy and giving short answers, which means it is boring to read and boring to write in. It needs to be more exciting but Jimmy P and others of that hilarious status are not posting here at all. Really do need some funnier people to post here because then it might take off again.

What sort of people do we want here???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Jan18-05, 09:53 AM

What sort of people do we want here???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Many times, after writing a particularly boring reply post, I've sat, staring at the screen, thinking, "this will never be responded to," and have longed to reply to myself - a thing I do in my thoughts, or when I'm alone, regularly (meaning, of course, that either I am thinking or alone but not both...) - but would forgo that action thinking, "that would be dumb," only to realize that - NO - it would not be dumb at all - and, even if it were, well, this is an 'ask a stupid quetion' forum anyway, and how could that sort of thing be incorrect when - in fact - it actually HAS been done just this page(!) so it is now an acceptable procedure and - YES - this could be MY forum - no boring or lazy people, asking and answering stupid quetions - only me, yes me, asking and answering myself - carrying on for pages and pages on end, a veritable self-love-fest for my eyes alone!! :cool:

Am I cool or what - no, wait - why does cool, :cool: have a redface and why is redface, :redface: pink?

madcat11

Jan18-05, 10:00 AM

Am I cool or what - no, wait - why does cool, :cool: have a redface and why is redface, :redface: pink?

It's actually cooler to be red (just ask any ex-communist author...).

Why is it that 'what' makes sense, but so does 'tahw'?

franznietzsche

Jan18-05, 04:35 PM

Why is it that 'what' makes sense, but so does 'tahw'?

because 'thaw' is what in an alien tongue from the planet of acixelsyd, which for some reason all humans seem to understand.

Should we worry about when the scixelsyd will invade earth, possibly, as they would say, gniyortsed us all?

zoobyshoe

Jan19-05, 08:53 AM

Should we worry about when the scixelsyd will invade earth, possibly, as they would say, gniyortsed us all?
The O.S.D (Oxford Scixelsyd Dictionary) defines gniyortsed thus: the exceptionally pleasurable process whereby homonid entities are induced to sprout straws, paper napkins, sugar packets, and other disposable restaurant items, from between their toes. Worry, therefore, should probably be considered a matter of individual choice.

There I was at the cafe La Souris Perdu; on my right a baby-faced sloe-eyed blond, so reefer crazed that her blue eyes were mostly red, on my left, a sturdy, butch-dike lesbian Bondage and Domination mistress explaining to me that the lashes of her barbed whips weren't about the pain but about the domination, as she tried to push a copy of the underground B&D classic "Shirley! You're Choking Mr. Feynman!" into my hands.
I smelled the spicey sweet reak of MaryJane on nearly everyone's breath as people ambled past me, to and from the counter (where the same watered down, generic coffee was served from several different thermos jugs under different fictitious names). Hep negro jazz buzzed and twisted throught the air from the live trio on the little stage in a far corner: a constant assault on my moral fiber, and a constant prophylactic against anyone else growing any.

All this overt vice was small potatos, though. I was here for the big stuff. Six months of training and cultivation behind closed doors in an underground bunker at area 51 is what it had taken to prepare me for this exceptionally delicate field assignment: undercover information gathering for the House Committee On Un-Jellitivistic activities.

Word was that a small cadre of anti-jellitivists was meeting here at irregular intervals to coordinate their lavender activities and, worse, to proslytize among the impressionable youth that frequented the establishment. I'd been haunting the place for weeks, passing myself off as a disgruntled ex-jellyphysics teacher, throwing out hints that I might have been fired from my last position for certain, unspecified, unorthodox beliefs. So far, no bites. All I could do was to keep my ears open, gravitating to within earshot of any conversation from which I'd picked up the words "weird", "Alfred", "electrodynamics", or "jelly".

Round about midnight on that disturbing eve, I heard something in the periphery of my hearing that just about made my brain short out from exitement:

"...so, in spite of the fact that the Principle of Purpularity has a sound basis in Jellileian physics, Alfred E. had to have made the most absurd mistake he possibly could have made to postulate that the speed of weirdness was the same for all jellyfish in all inertial frames..."

The speaker, I saw, was a middle aged, pencil-necked, twerp, with a short beard, big glasses, and grey temples. I recognized him instantly from the mugs I'd studied, and he was even wearing his trademark navy-blue pullover sweater. It was the devil himself: none other than the renegade Jelliphysicist Professor J.P. Scooty, Ph.d., who'd taken to poisoning the fresh, young minds of America's youth against Jellitivity after a claimed "epiphany" he'd experienced during a severe beating by a herd of nocturnally roving, weird, purple jellyfish he'd met in a dark alley.

Listening to his demented, unjellitivistic ranting wasn't what brought me to my knees, however. No, that wasn't the body blow that had me crawling out of the place on all fours. I didn't notice, at first, who it was on the other side of the insane professor, half hidden from my view. It wasn't untill he had uttered several more of his subversive remarks and stepped back to punctuate with a grand gesture that I got a gander at the dame's face: The Lovely Miss Sally O'Malley!!!

Sally O'Malley!!! The vivaceous, sparky, effervescent Sally O'Malley; princess of this lost world, whose arrival made grown men jump for joy, and whose departure made them weep. Singer and raconteuse, she popped in each night about 10 and sang scat like a negress with the trio, then did about a 15 minute humorous monolog in a skin tight dress slit up the side. Born of Minnesota farmer, she'd grown up to be a charmed charmer: The Fascinating Miss Sally O'Malley whose sexy sarcasm triggered deafening laughter, heart failure and spontaneous ejaculations. Yes, the men giggled and squirmed with mirth like 5 year old boys pinned down by a much too hot, tickly, babysitter, and all the women wished they were her, or that she was dead. I was smitten hard. They hadn't prepared me for the likes of her at Area 51.

Seeing her on the arm of the center of all things unjellitivistic was like being shot between the eyes, stabbed in the heart, punched in the stomach, and kicked in the groin all at once. Sally O'Malley? A Lavender? How could it be? Despite the cocaine, reefer, methamphetamines, despite the promiscuity for fun and profit, despite the liquor store robberies, and insurance-scam arson surely, surely there must beat within her a heart of pure purple, musn't there?

But there she was, hanging on the arm, and every word of, the twisted lavender intellectual devil.

I crawled out of La Souris Perdu on all fours. I can't have J.P. Scooty rounded up now because when they sweat him he'll name names and one of the names he'll name is Sally's. On the other hand, If I don't have him picked up he will spread The Lavender Word, insidiously, untill one day there will be internecine warefare between the Lavenders and the true Purple Guard. "What", as the Bard asked, "should such fellows as I do, crawling between heaven and earth?"

(Notice to Newcomers: This is an exceptionally advanced Stupid Quetion which shouldn't be attempted by anyone not thoroughly versed in Jellitivity. Just because you may be very Stupid, do not assume you are Stupid enough to tackle this Quetion. It would best be left to the exceptionally Stupid, such as Math Is Hard, Plover, or Gokul90210. Thank you. -Zooby)

Moonbear

Jan19-05, 10:02 PM

I crawled out of La Souris Perdu on all fours. I can't have J.P. Scooty rounded up now because when they sweat him he'll name names and one of the names he'll name is Sally's. On the other hand, If I don't have him picked up he will spread The Lavender Word, insidiously, untill one day there will be internecine warefare between the Lavenders and the true Purple Guard. "What", as the Bard asked, "should such fellows as I do, crawling between heaven and earth?"

(Notice to Newcomers: This is an exceptionally advanced Stupid Quetion which shouldn't be attempted by anyone not thoroughly versed in Jellitivity. Just because you may be very Stupid, do not assume you are Stupid enough to tackle this Quetion. It would best be left to the exceptionally Stupid, such as Math Is Hard, Plover, or Gokul90210. Thank you. -Zooby)

Aha! Now we know what Zooby has been up to in his absence.

As a member of the true Purple Guard, and an expert on jellitivity (note the avatar), I've been sent to help you with this dilemma. The Lavenders are an insidious group. The Purple Guard have also been tracking them for sometime, and Sally is no innocent. Indeed, she was single-handedly responsible for destroying the manufacturing of our most useful weapon against the Lavenders, the Grape iMac! Of course only the members of the Purple Guard knew of the full potential of the Grape iMac as we attempted to get them into every home to protect the general public from the brainwashing methods of the Lavenders. Even more insidious, Sally is well-schooled in the Welch Technique, which is undoubtedly what she was using on you that night for you to leave with the illusion she was an innocent being drawn unwillingly into the Lavender fold.

What is the history of the Welch Technique?

Gokul43201

Jan20-05, 02:17 AM

What is the history of the Welch Technique?

The Welch Technique is the most carefully guarded secret of the Lavenders. It is cleverly named to fool the unlettered mob into believing it is related to that famous icon of come-hitherliness, Rackwell Welch.

How I figured out the true secret is a long story involving my diligent preparation for the day I come face to rotten face with Scooty; an experiment with my microwave; a plasma ball resulting from my experiment with my microwave; the mysterious powers of pyramids; and a grocery store shopping cart with a bottom that was eleven minutes from fatigue-aided corrosion failure at the time that I walked into the store and grabbed it. The upshot of this whole experience was that I unexpectedly came upon the secret of the Lavenders.

The story takes us back to a time when Alfred E didn't exist - no, not even in sittingedanken experiments - nor did his twin brother, Albert.

It all began in 1869, in the little town of Vineland, NJ. where a Doctor Thomas Bramwell and his son, Charlie, were performing insidious experiments with a purple fluid. Some of the effects of this fluid had been studied by earlier scientists like Jelileo, Low Rents, and the most prolific publisher of them all, Et Al. (While the story of Et Al and his nearly Erdos-like collaborations make for a funny, yet sinister tale, to be told while doing Kahlua shots, this is not the time for it. Besides, this is not the time for Kahlua shots.) The best documented effect of the purple fluid was its ability to slow down time, from the point of reference of the fluid consumer. By tweaking the formula of the fluid (this supposedly involved canceling off infinities against negative infinities) Tommy and Charlie appeared to have refuted the time-warping influence of the purple fluid. They believed that imbibers of the fluid would experince normal time, just like a mineworker, or a starhopper or even a patent clerk. They secretly called this process 'The Renormalization of Jellitivity'.

But instead of going public with the findings, the Bramwell family decided to keep the results hidden. Soon, a secret order was created - supposedly comprising all the most famous dissenters of Jellitivity - that was charged with the protection of the secret formula. The most important position in the Order (that called itself The Lords of Lavender) was held by the person responsible for the safeguarding of the actual earthen cauldron containing the primordial fluid created by Bramwells. This person was called the Pottery Magician. It is rumored that the present PM is a pretend cixelsyd called elgoog (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=vineland+nj+1869+thomas+bramwell), and with him lie all the secrets of the Lavenders and the Technique.

Eventually the Lords of Lavender became a powerful, yet secret organization. They created a front for themselves selling an apparently harmless beverage through grocery stores all round the coutry.

While it took me the mere duration of the act of picking up a plastic bottle that fell out the broken bottom of my shopping cart to figure this all out, it is now a whole day since, and I still can't decide what to do about it.

I have two choices : Do I take the lavender pill and lead a life of brainwashed crankery...or do I take the purple pill and pass through the nexus that will let me enter the Swarmschild Matrix with a heart burning to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield ?

Moonbear

Jan20-05, 03:02 AM

I have two choices : Do I take the lavender pill and lead a life of brainwashed crankery...or do I take the purple pill and pass through the nexus that will let me enter the Swarmschild Matrix with a heart burning to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield ?

Clearly a life of brainwashed crankery is beneath you. You must strive for nothing less than the coveted post of PM. To do this, you must follow elgoog's mentoring as he leads you through seemingly endless quests for trivia. Only through these quests will you gain the insight of how that rusty shopping cart will transport 2000 lbs of the purple elixir into the 4-cornered time cube, which is actually the portal into the Swarmschild Matrix. However, don't let elgoog mislead you down the wrong path. He will ask you many times, "Did you mean the Swarm's Child Matrix?" Don't be fooled by this seemingly innocent question, as the Swarm's Child Matrix will lead you far from the true calling of the Purple Guard and into the clutches of Rackwell Welch. Indeed, the Swarm's Child Matrix is better known as the publisher of Masochist Monthly. You'll know you've gone the wrong way if elgoog presents you with the little blue pill instead of the purple pill. Should you stumble in your quest and wind up in the Swarm's Child Matrix, the only way to get out is by dueling the portal guardian, Oohay, using only a mechanical pencil. Yes, indeed, you must be very quick on the draw if you wish to have any chance at all.

However, should you get beyond the Oohay, you'll find clear passage from the Swarm's Child Matrix back to the Swarmschild Matrix. Just follow the plasma glow emitted from the microwaves that light the path.

But, because you'll have entered through a different portal, you'll encounter a gatekeeper at this entrance to the Swarmschild Matrix. You must give the correct password to get past the gatekeeper. Only one person knows the password, how will you find that person and convince them to tell it to you?

Astronuc

Jan24-05, 08:02 PM

Only one person knows the password, how will you find that person and convince them to tell it to you?Wait, I know this one. :confused:

But in the meantime,

Is this really real? :biggrin:

BoulderHead

Jan24-05, 09:44 PM

Is this really real? :biggrin:
Not in any conventional sense of the word.

Will anyone here be frank with us?

Gokul43201

Jan24-05, 10:29 PM

Will anyone here be frank with us?
I'll be Frank, if you'll be Nancy.

Deal ?

BoulderHead

Jan24-05, 10:33 PM

I'll be Frank, if you'll be Nancy.

Deal ?
Only if you agree to sing a duet with me!

What shall it be?

Werdatothewise

Jan25-05, 02:16 PM

Clearly a life of brainwashed crankery is beneath you. You must strive for nothing less than the coveted post of PM. To do this, you must follow elgoog's mentoring as he leads you through seemingly endless quests for trivia. Only through these quests will you gain the insight of how that rusty shopping cart will transport 2000 lbs of the purple elixir into the 4-cornered time cube, which is actually the portal into the Swarmschild Matrix. However, don't let elgoog mislead you down the wrong path. He will ask you many times, "Did you mean the Swarm's Child Matrix?" Don't be fooled by this seemingly innocent question, as the Swarm's Child Matrix will lead you far from the true calling of the Purple Guard and into the clutches of Rackwell Welch. Indeed, the Swarm's Child Matrix is better known as the publisher of Masochist Monthly. You'll know you've gone the wrong way if elgoog presents you with the little blue pill instead of the purple pill. Should you stumble in your quest and wind up in the Swarm's Child Matrix, the only way to get out is by dueling the portal guardian, Oohay, using only a mechanical pencil. Yes, indeed, you must be very quick on the draw if you wish to have any chance at all.

However, should you get beyond the Oohay, you'll find clear passage from the Swarm's Child Matrix back to the Swarmschild Matrix. Just follow the plasma glow emitted from the microwaves that light the path.

But, because you'll have entered through a different portal, you'll encounter a gatekeeper at this entrance to the Swarmschild Matrix. You must give the correct password to get past the gatekeeper. Only one person knows the password, how will you find that person and convince them to tell it to you?

If I see it this way, then more confusion has been placed. If Frank becomes Nancy, and Nancy becomes Frank, then the guardian at the gate becomes the holder of the password. Only now he becomes protective of the password because those he once had trust in, are now returning to their altered-ego. For security reasons, the portal has now changed, and before you may enter the new portal, you must prove who you are, and who you were, and who you are now. How do you prove your true identity to the gatekeeper and gain back the trust you deserve?

BoulderHead

Jan25-05, 06:37 PM

...How do you prove your true identity to the gatekeeper and gain back the trust you deserve?
By singing a duet.

What shall it be?

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 11:01 AM

By singing a duet.

What shall it be?

Your singing voice, thus you becoming "Nancy" will not get you in. Your tone is too high.

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 11:03 AM

"More thought to this later." I am digging down today on paint layers, then I have to scope them to find the original paint on this home from the 1800's. Restoration is fun, but time consuming. I hope the original paint was WHITE!

PS: Bolderhead, good to see you again. I have lotsa time to post as I am turning my interest in other places - such as restoration (ting) old homes. I am loving it. My time is my time, so I can put in as much work as I wish.

madcat11

Jan26-05, 04:20 PM

What shall it be?

It shall be anything thou wishes.

As I sit here, popping my own purple pill (all alliteration aside...) I wonder... is it necessary now to turn this discussion over to Math Is Hard, Plover, Gokul90210 and Zooby (not being, myself, versed in Jellitivity, although I am acquainted with Swarmschild - in his earlier days, of course...) or, perhaps, should the very essence of the flow of the words be allowed to be turned by the esteemed Werdatothewise into an entirely different state, i.e., no quetion, just answer (?), or shall I just put my feet up on the monitor and let the pill's pull put me in a place of placidity?

madcat11

Jan26-05, 04:23 PM

.... shall I just put my feet up on the monitor and let the pill's pull put me in a place of placidity?

Yes, I think I will go to lake placid.

Where is The Bob when you need him?

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 05:52 PM

Where is "The Bob?"

Oh, come on. Too easy.

Bob is at the bottom of the lake.

~Werdas

The Bob

Jan26-05, 06:08 PM

Where is "The Bob?"

Oh, come on. Too easy.

Bob is at the bottom of the lake.
No!!!! The Bob is here and ready to be random. I thought people had just had enoguh but I see there is an elite few that push on so here I come.

This thread has been going for sometime and I have tried to keep it going and I am, so far, succeeding. What sort of diaster do you think will be needed to stop this thread's existance???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 06:25 PM

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 07:10 PM

No!!!! The Bob is here and ready to be random. I thought people had just had enoguh but I see there is an elite few that push on so here I come.

This thread has been going for sometime and I have tried to keep it going and I am, so far, succeeding. "What sort of diaster do you think will be needed to stop this thread's existance???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Ans: When you turn the page and find a subject called "Quantum Physics..."

~Werdas'

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 08:10 PM

It shall be anything thou wishes.

As I sit here, popping my own purple pill (all alliteration aside...) I wonder... is it necessary now to turn this discussion over to Math Is Hard, Plover, Gokul90210 and Zooby (not being, myself, versed in Jellitivity, although I am acquainted with Swarmschild - in his earlier days, of course...) or, perhaps, should the very essence of the flow of the words be allowed to be turned by the esteemed Werdatothewise into an entirely different state, i.e., no quetion, just answer (?), or shall I just put my feet up on the monitor and let the pill's pull put me in a place of placidity?

A question can have a single answer: You should answer the thread question if participating is required -wanting you to do so, and you should not do what it doesn't want you to do. Following this simple rule will probably help you earn more PF awards. If you need more specific advice, let's take a look at a few other things that will help you.

Compliance with the P Forum criteria is highly important. You should, you must, read the criteria "first." It's wrong to assume the question has similar criteria to all the other remarks. Every contributor has there own "unique" rules and requirements. This is what makes each one meaningful.

If you find that your remark doesn't suit the post criteria, stop right there! Either change your remark to suit the criteria of the post, or don't apply for any PF awards, now or in the future. Never send a letter complaining to Greg about illogical criteria and asking the original post-owner to change the original post. It may seem to be illogical to you, but it means something to the owner and he has the right to use it. If you don't like the criteria, and the post, chances are your comments will go vomiting way-side by the ocean bend.

Never apply for awards anyway. Just hope for the best. The posting owner will notice that your remark does not suit the criteria of opinion, and it will damage your reputation. Even if he/she doesn't notice, applying for an PF award when you know your opinion does not qualify is unethical.

Therefore in closing, if you are not sure, post anyways. People usually will always find humor in the absured. It helps screw up the mind making life easier.

~Werdas'

Werdatothewise

Jan26-05, 10:47 PM

A question can have a single answer: You should answer the thread question if participating is required -wanting you to do so, and you should not do what it doesn't want you to do. Following this simple rule will probably help you earn more PF awards. If you need more specific advice, let's take a look at a few other things that will help you.

Compliance with the P Forum criteria is highly important. You should, you must, read the criteria "first." It's wrong to assume the question has similar criteria to all the other remarks. Every contributor has there own "unique" rules and requirements. This is what makes each one meaningful.

If you find that your remark doesn't suit the post criteria, stop right there! Either change your remark to suit the criteria of the post, or don't apply for any PF awards, now or in the future. Never send a letter complaining to Greg about illogical criteria and asking the original post-owner to change the original post. It may seem to be illogical to you, but it means something to the owner and he has the right to use it. If you don't like the criteria, and the post, chances are your comments will go vomiting way-side by the ocean bend.

Never apply for awards anyway. Just hope for the best. The posting owner will notice that your remark does not suit the criteria of opinion, and it will damage your reputation. Even if he/she doesn't notice, applying for an PF award when you know your opinion does not qualify is unethical.

Therefore in closing, if you are not sure, post anyways. People usually will always find humor in the absured. It helps screw up the mind making life easier.

~Werdas'

Someone sent me a PR note on "how" to handle this thread, and go forth. Come on, folks. I was only being factious. (sp) Pha C sh us. I am a far cry from being serious. But, corrections are taken with open arms, so thank you, my PR person who sent me the note. And, Ps: to ya'll. I promise (hand on bible) never to screw up the flow again. :eek:

BoulderHead

Jan26-05, 11:23 PM

...having the matter explained does this mean you will eventually get around to asking stupid question for us to answer???? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :tongue2: :tongue2: :rofl: :rofl: :biggrin:

tribdog

Jan26-05, 11:30 PM

That's a stupid thing to ask. good job.

What are we going to do now, no wait,....NOW?

Moonbear

Jan26-05, 11:40 PM

What are we going to do now, no wait,....NOW?

Which now? The now when you wrote the quetion, the now when I read the quetion, or the now now as I'm typing the...wait, now, no now, hold on, now...:surprised I can't keep up! Nows keep zipping past and I can't make any of them stop!

Okay, since there was a stunned silence for a few days when we last discussed jellitivity, I guess that's too difficult of a topic for most. Besides, I've since stopped infiltrating the Lavenders as part of the Zooby rescue mission, and have joined the PF Sista Hood. Once a year we have a ritual tribdog sacrifice. What's the best food to prepare for the feast following that?

The Bob

Jan28-05, 01:14 PM

What's the best food to prepare for the feast following that?
We should ask tribdog as it is his day.

Tribdog. What do you want???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Jan28-05, 01:58 PM

Tribdog. What do you want???

he wants frozen soda heated with a MAPP gas torch.

Isn't that right tribdog?

Werdatothewise

Jan30-05, 09:15 PM

Yzarc, wearily rode his horse into the town where Tribdog had once lived. His hometown of Harmony, Polatski. As he started to look around, he could feel grief swelling up in his throat. Was Tribdog the only survivor of the town's explosion?

He came in favor to find, Tribdog, the Tribbles & Whips food that, 'Ol Tribdog needed survive. NOT his friend Tribdog would be sacrificed! He already had a scam in planning.

Night time was soon to become, because a mysterious voice had called him away from his hay bed and told him that he must on pony back, using only his Shetland Pony, ride the ten hour journey to Harmony. The voice told him, that the only place Tribbles could be found was in Harmony.He was so exhausted, that laying on the firm, fecal, tarantula ground, didn't bother him at all. Bugs or not. He closed his eyes, closing his eyes downing into a deep sleep. Besides, fried tarantula make great filling for his favorite pancakes!

Now, night will fall in three hours.

On to sleep, Yzarc was hoping a dream will answer the questions in his head. After a while Yzarc heard a woman's voice speaking. "Who are you? YZARC! Where are you?" .

Yzarc started to think a survivor may be around. Focusing his eyes, to the left of him, could only see a hazy purple blob in the shape of a woman.

"Pick up the pill!" she said. On the ground was a blue laminating succulent juicy pill.

"It belonged to the Lady of the Lake's," said the voice.

Yzarc, ever the particular, picks it up and say,"And what am I to do this this purple pill?"

"You stupid human!" yells the voice. "NOW down the purple pill and swallow it!" she yells.

"I am not stupid, I am brave!" and he whips the purple pill at the evil laughing temptress. In his daze of sleep, Yzarc had forgotten that he was throwing the jellied purple pill at ghost The pill floats out of the ghosts body and lands on the ground, rolls down the hill, and jumps the bank, and plops into a beautiful pond. Now this pond was filled with fish of the most outstanding colors!

"You think your troubles are gone?" and with that she laughs a horrible laugh. Her awful laugh echoes as a dark grayness swirls around you. "Your troubles have only begun...," the voice cackles.

Suddenly, Yzarc find himself inside a horrible, twisted, cold and gray labyrinth. He hears screeches and watches as a group of small, flying monsters are heading towards him. With a frightened scream, Yzarc starts to run for his life. Branches swing out in front, but he shoved them aside running - looking for a place to hide. The flying monsters are getting closer, their awful screeches piercing the air. They have found him.

The woman's wicked laugh rings in your ears.

Yzarc was running as fast as he could when he realized he had one bottle of deadly poison in his hidden pocket. Pressing the passcode to gain entry into his hidden pocket, he retrieved the bottle. Yzarc, screwed opened the cork with his large teeth. Throwing drops of the pee-like liquid poison at the little flying monsters. He stood and watched for a moment as the little *bwitching monsters shriveled up and died. Turning his back from this scene, Yzarc took note of all the entrances, each large opening seemed to be begging him to enter. Not sure what to do, Yzarc, started running, he could see in the distance an opening with a red calming light. Running toward, and into the red light, he ran for hours. In heavy body sweat, black dirt dripping from his chin, pants that were wet for lack a facility, green snot running down his nose, finding his mouth and dripping into the opening - which of course he enjoyed, his reward was a solid dead end.

In the echoing distance, he could hear the ghost's crackling laughter.

Moonbear

Jan30-05, 09:35 PM

Werdas, you have to ask a quetion after you give an anser! :cry:

BoulderHead

Jan30-05, 09:55 PM

Yeah, and don't forget to give an answer either, lol.

Yzarc !!!

Gokul43201

Jan30-05, 10:23 PM

Are we all dead, then ?

Werdatothewise

Jan31-05, 01:24 AM

Werdas, you have to ask a quetion after you give an anser! :cry:

Yeah, and don't forget to give an answer either, lol.

Yzarc !!!

Are we all dead, then ?

Less be me, who flonders with a brain that hinders an easy thought to totally kill the wise people who try to make a question easier, and I, yes, I am totally confused. ROFLMAOOOOOOOOPIMP! I really am cracking up in laughter." HELPPPPP!!!!!!

Yzarc was running as fast as he could when he realized he had one bottle of deadly poison in his hidden pocket. Pressing the passcode to gain entry into his hidden pocket, he retrieved the bottle. Yzarc, screwed opened the cork with his large teeth. Throwing drops of the pee-like liquid poison at the little flying monsters. He stood and watched for a moment as the little *bwitching monsters shriveled up and died. Turning his back from this scene, Yzarc took note of all the entrances, each large opening seemed to be begging him to enter. Not sure what to do, Yzarc, started running, he could see in the distance an opening with a red calming light. Running toward, and into the red light, he ran for hours. In heavy body sweat, black dirt dripping from his chin, pants that were wet for lack a facility, green snot running down his nose, finding his mouth and dripping into the opening - which of course he enjoyed, his reward was a solid dead end.

Here is the DAMNO QUESTION! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

WHAT DO HE DO NEXT?

OMG, I AM LOSING IT LAUGHING SO HARD ~Werdas'

Werdatothewise

Jan31-05, 01:32 AM

Werdas, you have to ask a quetion after you give an anser! :cry:

Sorta like Jeopardy? :rofl:

Alex Trebeck: Host: "What is Mt. Fuji?"

Contestant Werdatothewise: Mt.Fuji - Fujisan is the highest mountain peak in Japan, 3776 meter high.

(Now. Am I on the right track? Omgggg, this is killing me in laughter)

~Werdas'

madcat11

Jan31-05, 02:07 AM

(Now. Am I on the right track? Omgggg, this is killing me in laughter)

~Werdas'

No, you are obviously dimensionally challenged! <--here is the [stupid? I don't know, you be the judge] answer and now I will ask the [stupid? I'll be the judge...] quetion

I'm drained, where are the towels?

Werdatothewise

Jan31-05, 05:30 AM

No, you are obviously dimensionally challenged! <--here is the [stupid? I don't know, you be the judge] answer and now I will ask the [stupid? I'll be the judge...] quetion

I'm drained, where are the towels?

I thought this was "Never Ending Story...so to speak"....now we talking
off-beat-idioms? omggggggggggg, ya'know, I was confuzzled, still am.

I grow flowers, where are the buds? :rofl:

**Note: If the above answer is correct, I am more lost, confuzzled, than I have been in 20 years. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ~Werdas

honestrosewater

Jan31-05, 07:08 AM

What the **** is going on here? All these unasked and unanswered questions are giving me an anxiety attack. :uhh: Someone needs to restore the order to this thread before my whole world colapses, er, collapses- ah, quick- does "colapses" have one "l" or two?

Gokul43201

Jan31-05, 09:44 AM

honestrosewater

Jan31-05, 10:02 AM

Was that quick enough ?If you say so.

Why don't we have a stupid anser thread?

Werdatothewise

Jan31-05, 10:09 AM

Werdas, you have to ask a quetion after you give an anser! :cry:

But where does the question originate from? Who gives the question to me?

And, then I take it, I give birth to a answer after the question. But, what is the sense of asking a question if you know the answer?

Can someone put out a suggestion box?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: After that I am confused.

honestrosewater

Jan31-05, 10:25 AM

But where does the question originate from?That is a question no one knows.
Who gives the question to me?You must give it to yourself.
And, then I take it, I give birth to a answer after the question. But, what is the sense of asking a question if you know the answer?To help others discover their ignorance so you can laugh at them later. Good times.
Can someone put out a suggestion box?
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: After that I am confused.Sure, if they have enough water (if the suggestion box is on fire cause er water puts out fire and um heh)

If someone asked you how to play the stupid quetion game, what would you tell them?

Gokul43201

Jan31-05, 10:55 AM

If someone asked you how to play the stupid quetion game, what would you tell them?
The Stupid Quetion Game (ages 13 and up)

Rules :

You may join the game at any point. Or you can watch. The seating area is thataway. What do you do if you chose to play ?

You then proceed to play. How is this done ?

Usually medium-well (but sometimes rare). Some ketchup and mustard ?

Yes please, thanks. What's the score ?

The Score is a beautifully made movie. Wish I'd only seen it. Wanna go with me ?

No thanks. I find the graffitti there mildly annoying. I'll just hold it in. So, what are the rules here ?

UrbanXrisis

Jan31-05, 10:19 PM

there are none

how corny is that?

tribdog

Jan31-05, 10:23 PM

at least an ear or two.

Mind if I crack my toes?

UrbanXrisis

Jan31-05, 10:31 PM

not before I crack up.

did you know the brand of my optical mouse is named "NewMen"?

tribdog

Jan31-05, 11:03 PM

at least you have a mouse. I'm using an etch-a-sketch.

What does tiger taste like?

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 12:17 AM

What does tiger taste like?

The opposite if retig, i promise. Try some today. But you have to catch it live, and eat it fresh. The only way to catch the full opposite of retig flavour.

Does anyone here REALLY understand the life cycle of the retig?

masudr

Feb1-05, 06:24 AM

The retig has no life cycle - it's life is strictly linear (actually what we have done is to have made a first-order linear approximation to a system that has no C^\infty-smooth analytic solution).

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 06:30 AM

The retig has no life cycle - it's life is strictly linear (actually what we have done is to have made a first-order linear approximation to a system that has no C^\infty-smooth analytic solution).

Why would you use such terminology as C^\infty in gen disc, when only maybe five of the genderal discussion regulars will understand it?

Astronuc

Feb1-05, 08:22 AM

Why would you use such terminology as C^\infty in gen disc, when only maybe five of the genderal discussion regulars will understand it?

Because there are times when it is necessary to quantify something, and this is one of those times. Afterall, this is PhysicsForums.

What is a genderal?

tribdog

Feb1-05, 08:26 AM

that's jenderal, pronounce henderal. It's spanish for that feeling you get like you are falling just before you fall asleep.

Are fish afraid of heights?

Astronuc

Feb1-05, 08:30 AM

Are fish afraid of heights?

No, fish seem oblivious to what is beneath them. On the other hand, many are deep thinkers. :biggrin:

How soon will we reach the 2000th question?

tribdog

Feb1-05, 08:33 AM

I seriously doubt this thread has the legs to make it to 2000.

Will I go blind if I get toothpaste in my eye?

Astronuc

Feb1-05, 08:52 AM

NO, as long as you don't brush too vigorously. Better yet, don't brush, just flush the eye with water. Don't use liquid nitrogen or butane. :biggrin:

Is there an anser to every quetion?

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 09:03 AM

NO, as long as you don't brush too vigorously. Better yet, don't brush, just flush the eye with water. Don't use liquid nitrogen or butane. :biggrin:

Is there an anser to every quetion?

Yes there is, and the answer to whether this thread will make it to 2000 is yes, even if i have to drag it kciking and screaming in an insomniac fit.

Is it a bad thing that i haven't slept since sunday night?

tribdog

Feb1-05, 09:36 AM

not if it's monday morning.

I have recently received a fie on me. Am I in any danger?

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 09:59 AM

not if it's monday morning.

I have recently received a fie on me. Am I in any danger?

Grave mortal danger. The only safeguard is too light stuff on fire. o:)

Why is fire so tasty?

Feb1-05, 01:40 PM

It produces a nice bite to the tongue.

What is so great about 2000?

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 02:57 PM

It produces a nice bite to the tongue.

What is so great about 2000?

Nothing, but 2056 is an awesome number.

How do you say "hunkelfraut" in binary?

The Bob

Feb1-05, 03:38 PM

How do you say "hunkelfraut" in binary?
I will get you to tell me if you give me one chocolate biscuit.

Do you want a biscuit???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 03:47 PM

Do you want a biscuit???

The Bob (2004 ©)

No but i need caffeine IV, and i need one quick. I'm starting to look like i have turets syndrome. Its bad.

Why is caffeine the elixir of life?

tribdog

Feb1-05, 07:40 PM

because Kawfay, the God of Beans, seeds and nuts, did a favor for Mother Nature once upon a time. to show her gratitude Mother Nature threw out the ambrosia juice and made caffeine the new elixir of life.

Is franz doing anything more important than sleeping, or is he simply being a stubborn *** who should go to bed?

polyb

Feb1-05, 08:09 PM

Hey, What's a stupid question? How do I know it's a stupid question? Will I get a stupid answer?

Astronuc

Feb1-05, 08:23 PM

If you have to ask - well, keep trying. :cool:

Is franznietzsche still coherent at this time?

Moonbear

Feb1-05, 08:55 PM

Is franznietzsche still coherent at this time?

I don't think I'd use the word "still" there. Well, he's coherent when he's still, but to keep him still, we have to get him to sleep first.

Do you think we can get him to bed with Scooby snacks?

franznietzsche

Feb1-05, 09:06 PM

I don't think I'd use the word "still" there. Well, he's coherent when he's still, but to keep him still, we have to get him to sleep first.

Do you think we can get him to bed with Scooby snacks?

Do i look like a dog?

Astronuc

Feb2-05, 09:56 AM

You may be starting to look like a tribdog. Moonbear, I think Zooby snacks might do the trick.

What is so great about 2000? In 2001, we start a new millenium. Let's see if the world comes to an end. :biggrin:

Does anyone really know what time it is?

franznietzsche

Feb3-05, 12:51 AM

half past the second toe acording to my toe ring moon dial.

Let's talk about something butter. Why is stuff cooked in butter so utterly awesome?

The Bob

Feb3-05, 06:13 AM

Let's talk about something butter. Why is stuff cooked in butter so utterly awesome?
Because it just melts all over what you are cooking and it just goes 'awwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssooooooo oommmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnneeeeeeessssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'.

It is truly amazing.

What sort of answer did you want???

The Bob (2004 ©)

tribdog

Feb3-05, 08:05 AM

franznietzsche

Feb3-05, 08:33 AM

I wanted an answer that was as Stupid as possible under scientific law. That way this thread would have completed its mission and we could finally put the old worn out topic to rest.

Any chances I can get Evo to lock this thread and end it once and for all?

Why would you do that? You're out to get me aren't you. I knew it, just trying to ruin my hopes of making it to 2000. Tribdog the Nefarious.

Am i just being paranoid?

tribdog

Feb3-05, 10:38 PM

not JUST paranoid. paranoid and goofy.

Will someone please lock this thread before it hits 2000?

franznietzsche

Feb3-05, 10:45 PM

not JUST paranoid. paranoid and goofy.

Will someone please lock this thread before it hits 2000?

Absolutely not. Such a thing would be a violation of PF Penal Code Section 1 Subsection 010.01A-324. Here is a quote from paragraph 3 of Sub-Subsection 16.5 --

All threads labeled "Stupid quetion", resulting in "Stupid Answer", shall be free from any attempt by any third party to have them locked or banned. These threads play a special role in the inane delusions of a few, and as such it would be a violation of General Discussion Code 1-3.542, Sub section 76 1/2, paragrph 4 which clearly states:
Tribdog may not request any thread to be locked, until after it has reached the 2000 post logical limit, or has exceeded 200GB worth of data space

Its all there.

Why are you trying so hard to violate these codes, do you want to be the resident PF cirminal?

BoulderHead

Feb3-05, 10:50 PM

I think he wants to to beat me by getting banned first.

What thinkest thou?

Moonbear

Feb3-05, 10:51 PM

Why are you trying so hard to violate these codes, do you want to be the resident PF cirminal?

I think: Violation of stupid quetion codes is only the tip of the iceberg in being a PF cirminal. Other duties of the cirminal include using circular reasoning to provide ansers, and howling at the moon.

The last PF cirminal gave a series of lectures on the topic of cirminality. What was the title of the lecture series?

Edit: Boulderhead beat me to the anser, so slight modification now.

franznietzsche

Feb3-05, 10:56 PM

The last PF cirminal gave a series of lectures on the topic of cirminality. What was the title of the lecture series?

Cirminality in PF subjects: A study of intellectual absentia in the mind of deviants

What determines the difference between a PF criminal, and a PF cirminal?

madcat11

Feb6-05, 01:53 PM

What determines the difference between a PF criminal, and a PF cirminal?

(Ah, sematics, at last!) The PF criminal is rigid while the PF cirminal is, clearly, just irritated with all of ir, ah, it.

Isn't Fisics Phorum more appropriate for this thread?

franznietzsche

Feb6-05, 02:01 PM

(Ah, sematics, at last!) The PF criminal is rigid while the PF cirminal is, clearly, just irritated with all of ir, ah, it.

Isn't Fisics Phorum more appropriate for this thread?

Only if this thread were in the Fizzical World, which it obviously isn't and any who think it is need to be thrown in the Fizzy Up.

The Fizzy Up is a place of unspeakable horrors, where people are tortured by being forced to drink highly carbonates cola without ever being allowed to burp. Gulp after Gulp, but never burping.

What kind of twisted individual, high on caffeined, could ever think up something so devious and dastardly?

Moonbear

Feb6-05, 02:17 PM

What kind of twisted individual, high on caffeined, could ever think up something so devious and dastardly?

Well, none other than the notoriously evil Dr. Pepper! By day, he appears as the mild-mannered Mr. Pibbs, but when he gets a dose of caffeined (a highly addictive synthetic analog of caffeine, caffeined has been banned from the market due to horrid side effects), he mutates into Dr. Pepper and tortures people by preventing them from burping until they swell up and burst.

Scientists have been working on an antidote to caffeined. What is it?

Feb7-05, 02:53 PM

Why it must be the synthetic genetic mutation of apple sider.

Then the question must be, how do you procure some?

Moonbear

Feb7-05, 04:56 PM

Why it must be the synthetic genetic mutation of apple sider.

Then the question must be, how do you procure some?

In order to procure apple sider, you must precisely follow the protocol first described by I.F. Notwen. First sit under an apple tree until the apple falls on your head. When you see stars, quickly calculate your rotation relative to those stars (if done properly, both you and the stars will be spinning of course). This will give you the formula to obtain apple sider.

Does it matter if the apple is green or red?

UrbanXrisis

Feb7-05, 05:55 PM

Only if you watch the 'red green show' or play 'red light green light'

Who hasnt thought about suicide and orgasms at the same time?

The Bob

Feb7-05, 06:38 PM

Who hasnt thought about suicide and orgasms at the same time?
I don't think it is something that people think about at the same time. Most people that think of suicide are not going to think 'Now what is the best way for me to get an orgasm', ohhh no. They are going to think 'Now should I use the painkillers or the rope'. This decision would be harder if you were thinking of orgasms as most people would want one and think about how to get one and not on suicide.

If you were thinking on orgasms then suicide is not what people think, unless you want to die having an orgasms and then you really are quite strange because you are not depressed enough to not think about orgasms so why are you going to comitt suicide??? (Rhetorical Question). Strange.

Why do you think orgasms were invented???

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. Sorry if this thread offended anyone at all.

franznietzsche

Feb7-05, 07:18 PM

Why to prevent suicide and increase fidelity.

Nobody ones to kill themselves if they're having great orgasms. I sure wouldn't.

Would you?

The Bob

Feb11-05, 11:12 AM

Why to prevent suicide and increase fidelity.

Nobody ones to kill themselves if they're having great orgasms. I sure wouldn't.

Would you?
Personally I am not bothered.

Why??? Should I be bothered???

The Bob (2004 ©)

eax

Feb11-05, 09:03 PM

franznietzsche

Feb11-05, 10:23 PM

Heres something I got for homework once.

Write an equation that includes everything in bedmass and solve the problem.

Heres what I did in 2sec others struggled for some reason.(it was along time ago)

( (3*3+7)+3-2/2+3*5*2+10^5)*0=0

LoL,

I was just trying to compute this one in my head and watched the right hand side and ...huh, why zero, until I also saw the zero on the left side

Sadly you two may have just managed to ruin this thread, stopping me from carrying it to 2000 posts. Do you have idea what you fools have done? You went off topic in an off topic thread!!!

Not since the days of jellitivity have i seen anything so foolishly foolish.

By zargling's hammer, i shall be avenged!!!

Little known fact: Zargling's hammer is not in fact a hammer. What is it really?

eax

Feb11-05, 10:53 PM

whats 10squared?
100

haha not stupid now haha

brewnog

Feb12-05, 09:50 AM

It's a search term for which Google has no answers!

What's a Birmingham Screwdriver?

chound

Feb12-05, 11:02 AM

There's an older viersion of PF?

franznietzsche

Feb12-05, 11:29 AM

It's a search term for which Google has no answers!

What's a Birmingham Screwdriver?

An birmingham screwdriver happens to be a rather twisted version of a long island iced tea. It involves replacing the triple sec with absinthe, lighting the whole mixture on fire, dousing it with splash of coke, and using a shot of aftershock as a chaser.

There is also its derivative, the Mobile Screwdriver is less well known. What is the reciped for this concotion?

The Bob

Feb12-05, 05:55 PM

An birmingham screwdriver happens to be a rather twisted version of a long island iced tea. It involves replacing the triple sec with absinthe, lighting the whole mixture on fire, dousing it with splash of coke, and using a shot of aftershock as a chaser.

There is also its derivative, the Mobile Screwdriver is less well known. What is the reciped for this concotion?
Well as a Birmingham screwdriver gives rise to this:

BS = absinthe + fire+ coke + aftershock

Take absinthe to be t^3
Take fire to be t^6
Take coke to be t
Take aftershock to be t^2

Then BS = t^6 + t^3 + t^2 + t

So \frac{BS}{dt} = 6t^5 + 3t^2 + 2t + 1

So I think the recipe is quite strange but more regular in shape.

Is this close to being right???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Feb12-05, 09:08 PM

Well as a Birmingham screwdriver gives rise to this:

BS = absinthe + fire+ coke + aftershock

Take absinthe to be t^3
Take fire to be t^6
Take coke to be t
Take aftershock to be t^2

Then BS = t^6 + t^3 + t^2 + t

So \frac{BS}{dt} = 6t^5 + 3t^2 + 2t + 1

So I think the recipe is quite strange but more regular in shape.

Is this close to being right???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Well, no, you've got the wrong initial recipe for the birmingham screwdriver. It should be:

BS = long island iced tea - triple sec +absinthe +fire +coke + aftershock

This reduces to

BS = rum + tequila + gin + vodka +absinthe + 2 coke +aftershock

Using the corrected recipe for a Birmingham screwdriver, what do you get for the Mobile Screwdriver?

Gokul43201

Feb12-05, 10:49 PM

Using the corrected recipe for a Birmingham screwdriver, what do you get for the Mobile Screwdriver?
The mobile screwdriver is a twisted version of the BS. Take the long island iced tea; switch the triple sec with absinthe; while you're being absinthe-minded set your hair on fire; run around like a loco coco; pass out from the aftershock !

So what's a Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall ?

franznietzsche

Feb12-05, 10:50 PM

So what's a Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall ?

A Doc Hollywood reference.

Or was that a Long hard screw up against the wall?

Moonbear

Feb12-05, 11:22 PM

Or was that a Long hard screw up against the wall?

No, that's a hangover remedy.

Do you realize this thread is making even me blush? :blushing:

franznietzsche

Feb13-05, 04:06 AM

No, that's a hangover remedy.

Do you realize this thread is making even me blush? :blushing:

It couldn't possibly. You lack the GATTACA sequence in your genome--quite simply, you're physically incapable of blushing. The GATTACA sequence codes for a little known protein, thycyclinamine, which enables the facial muscles to draw extra blood when the organism is perturbed by a stimulus.

Who discovered this protein and the genetic sequence that produces it?

honestrosewater

Feb13-05, 04:58 AM

Who discovered this protein and the genetic sequence that produces it?Mother Nature.

How do you make a Stealth Kitty?

BoulderHead

Feb13-05, 09:18 AM

How do you make a Stealth Kitty?
You wait for the female house cat to come into heat, then attempt to open any door leading to the outside…
*can you say ‘kitty litter’?*

What would be the first thing you would do if you possessed the flexibility of a cat?

brewnog

Feb13-05, 02:30 PM

I'd clean my own genitals without needing running water.

So, who's gonna have the glory of post #2000 then?

Moonbear

Feb13-05, 02:35 PM

I'd clean my own genitals without needing running water.

So, who's gonna have the glory of post #2000 then?

Why, I'll take the honor! Can we let the thread die a quiet death now that the thread-killer is here? :biggrin:

Gokul43201

Feb13-05, 02:45 PM

Can we let the thread die a quiet death now that the thread-killer is here? :biggrin:
No, I will fight you to the death for that ! We can not permit the curtailing of stupidity.

Darest thou quetion this right of ours ?

Evo

Feb13-05, 03:45 PM

Gokul made post 2,000

Today 01:45 PM by Gokul43201 2,000 29,295

dextercioby

Feb13-05, 04:06 PM

Gokul made post 2,000

Today 01:45 PM by Gokul43201 2,000 29,295

Nope,Gokul made REPLY NO.2000,POST NO.2000 was made by Moonbear. :tongue:

Now,why don't u close it,else they wanna go to 3000...?? :tongue2:

Daniel.

Evo

Feb13-05, 05:15 PM

I only count replies. The first post is the thread start, so it doesn't count. A thread with zero replies is a dud, although it has "one" post.

So, either can claim it. :tongue:

The Bob

Feb13-05, 06:00 PM

Well let the thread die then. A group of us saved it and now it has reached this total. Personally I don't see the problem with letting it go on. If people are annoyed by it then ignore it.

Will we ever see 3000 for this thread???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Feb13-05, 08:00 PM

It broke 2000 and i wasn't HERE!!!! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

I'm gonna need a lot of chocolate ice cream after this. :frown:

Gokul43201

Feb13-05, 08:04 PM

Will we ever see 3000 for this thread???
You better, you better, you bet.

Here franze, no chocolate but ... you like dulce de leche ?

Evo

Feb13-05, 08:10 PM

franznietzsche

Feb13-05, 08:28 PM

You better, you better, you bet.

Here franze, no chocolate but ... you like dulce de leche ?

Its ok, i'm not crazy about it though.

I'd settle for truck load of tamales con chiles though. :tongue2:

The Bob

Feb14-05, 08:43 AM

Its ok, i'm not crazy about it though.

I'd settle for truck load of tamales con chiles though. :tongue2:
Don't worry. You will get to see 3000 posts go by.

So lets start here.

Why was this thread invented in the first place???

The Bob (2004 ©)

chound

Feb14-05, 09:10 AM

Recently I noticed this: Evo's really beautiful!

Astronuc

Feb14-05, 11:34 AM

Recently I noticed this: Evo's really beautiful!Recently? It seems many others have made the same observation.

So where to now?

franznietzsche

Feb14-05, 12:03 PM

Don't worry. You will get to see 3000 posts go by.

So lets start here.

Why was this thread invented in the first place???

The Bob (2004 ©)

It was a repeat of the original thread way way back in PF 2.0

Why didn't you just read the opening post to find that out?

Gokul43201

Feb14-05, 12:41 PM

So where to now?Into the great beyond, where an infinite wealth of stupidity awaits us.

Why didn't you just read the opening post to find that out? That would require clicking the < button way too many times.

Hey, what's this box with "First" written on it ?

franznietzsche

Feb14-05, 12:48 PM

Hey, what's this box with "First" written on it ?

Its a self-destruct for your computer, push it quick, before the evil viruses are downloaded and destryo j00s!!!

A woman walks into a tech support center with her pc and says its broken, that it just stopped working on here. The techie asks her what she was doing when this happened. She replied "tidying up". The techie looks at her in confusion and asks her what she means. She replies that she went into the windows folder and found everything was a mess. So she moved all the .dlls into one folder, all the .exes into another folder, and so on.

If you were that techie, what kind of horrible retribution would you exact on this woman?

chound

Feb14-05, 10:49 PM

A woman walks into a tech support center with her pc and says its broken, that it just stopped working on here. The techie asks her what she was doing when this happened. She replied "tidying up". The techie looks at her in confusion and asks her what she means. She replies that she went into the windows folder and found everything was a mess. So she moved all the .dlls into one folder, all the .exes into another folder, and so on.

If you were that techie, what kind of horrible retribution would you exact on this woman?

My!! My!! Her hands should be kept on one side of the body. Her legs on the other. All her alimentary canal should be placed in one corner. Her respiratory system in another, etc :rolleyes:

franznietzsche

Feb15-05, 01:19 AM

My!! My!! Her hands should be kept on one side of the body. Her legs on the other. All her alimentary canal should be placed in one corner. Her respiratory system in another, etc :rolleyes:

You're supposed to give an answer, AND ask a question.

Gokul43201

Feb16-05, 02:31 AM

If you were that techie, what kind of horrible retribution would you exact on this woman?I like chounds idea of an anatomical re-alignment. I would also insist on putting both thumbs in the same hand, and the remaining fingers in the other.

After all, bilateral symmetry is just over-rated, isn't it ?

motai

Feb20-05, 10:13 AM

I like chounds idea of an anatomical re-alignment. I would also insist on putting both thumbs in the same hand, and the remaining fingers in the other.

After all, bilateral symmetry is just over-rated, isn't it ?

Exactly. We should all take on the formlessness of amoebas and globhob around.

How long will it take for this thread to die like the thread-killer champions thread?

dextercioby

Feb20-05, 10:17 AM

It was just about dead b4 your posting...:grumpy:
As for the thread-killer thread,well,if i don't kill it,nobody will...:devil:

Danievil.

Gokul43201

Feb20-05, 10:53 AM

How long will it take for this thread to die like the thread-killer champions thread?This thread never will never die. At times, when the going gets tough, it will develop a cyst and go into a non-motile state for extended periods of time, until it is eventually resurrected by The Bob.

Which begs the question : Where is The Bob ?

mattmns

Feb20-05, 11:36 AM

Beats me, maybe he is at the top of your quantum well.

So why am I not going to be the one who kills that beloved thread?

franznietzsche

Feb20-05, 07:12 PM

Beats me, maybe he is at the top of your quantum well.

So why am I not going to be the one who kills that beloved thread?

Because i have a fetish for thread killing.

If i don't ask a question at the end of this post, will that kill the thread?

Gokul43201

Feb20-05, 07:29 PM

Because i have a fetish for thread killing.

If i don't ask a question at the end of this post, will that kill the thread?
Yes it would have (especially if what wasn't a question also wasn't a quetion), but it's too late now.

How can you even see the keys on the keyboard this late into the weekend ?

franznietzsche

Feb20-05, 08:21 PM

Yes it would have (especially if what wasn't a question also wasn't a quetion), but it's too late now.

How can you even see the keys on the keyboard this late into the weekend ?

I don't know, but i've already done about 300 lines of code in the past hour, i'd call it a productive evening.

Why is caffeine so wonderful?

vikasj007

Feb25-05, 08:02 AM

Why is caffeine so wonderful?

because it is quite addictive.

hey, thats why i cannot stop myself whenever i see a bottle of coke. :surprised

franznietzsche

Feb25-05, 08:14 AM

because it is quite addictive.

hey, thats why i cannot stop myself whenever i see a bottle of coke. :surprised

OK if you're going to drag this thread up from oblivion at least follow the rules.

What is it with neophytes and posting incorrectly here?

honestrosewater

Feb26-05, 08:34 AM

What is it with neophytes and posting incorrectly here?They do it to annoy you- they like it when you call them neophytes.

How many neophytes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

vikasj007

Feb28-05, 07:53 AM

How many neophytes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

that depends on a no. of factors, the size of the bulb, its location, etc. etc.

BUT

how many light bulbs does it take to enlighten a neophyte?

honestrosewater

Feb28-05, 09:11 AM

how many light bulbs does it take to enlighten a neophyte?Only one, unless they're a turtle (turtles are notoriously slow, you know).

Who else was offended by that anti-drug commercial comparing your brain to an egg?

franznietzsche

Feb28-05, 12:34 PM

Only one, unless they're a turtle (turtles are notoriously slow, you know).

Who else was offended by that anti-drug commercial comparing your brain to an egg?

I'm used to being called an egghead, didn't bother me.

Where did that term come from?

brewnog

Feb28-05, 01:00 PM

1907, "bald person," from egg (n.) + head. Sense of "intellectual" is attested from 1918, among Chicago newspapermen; popularized by U.S. syndicated columnist Stewart Alsop in 1952 in ref. to Adlai Stevenson's presidential campaign.

Do you have the quiz show "Eggheads" in America?

The Bob

Feb28-05, 06:30 PM

What a great random question that actually links from your last post. I like it. :smile:

So, do you have the quiz show "Eggheads" in America??? :biggrin:
The Bob (2004 ©)

vikasj007

Mar1-05, 05:53 AM

not sure about america, never been there.

what exactly does the term neophyte mean?

honestrosewater

Mar1-05, 05:55 AM

what exactly does the term neophyte mean?It means get a dictionary and look it up. :tongue2:

Is it better to serve cow pies chilled or warm?

Galileo

Mar1-05, 04:59 PM

Is it better to serve cow pies chilled or warm?
Yes, most definately.

Why are all the tongue smilies green? :tongue2: :yuck: :tongue:

Tom McCurdy

Mar1-05, 05:03 PM

Yes, most definately.

Why are all the tongue smilies green? :tongue2: :yuck: :tongue:

Because God made them that way

Why must religon be behind everything?

The Bob

Mar1-05, 05:21 PM

Because God made them that way

Why must religon be behind everything?
Because religion started everything.

'In the beginning..........'
'The Earth is flat.......'
'The Earth is the centre of the solar system if not the universe.....'

Science came from it.

Lets move the subject on. What sort of place is best to store monkeys with headaches???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Gale

Mar1-05, 05:33 PM

Lets move the subject on. What sort of place is best to store monkeys with headaches???

The Bob (2004 ©)

In a swimming pool of chocolate.

How come chocolate makes everything seem better?

Tsu

Mar1-05, 11:38 PM

Sorry to interrupt, but cow pies are best served frozen. They're called POOPsicles. :biggrin:

Evo

Mar2-05, 12:17 AM

Sorry to interrupt, but cow pies are best served frozen. They're called POOPsicles. :biggrin:What do you do when a non-neophyte forgets to ask a stupid quetion?

honestrosewater

Mar2-05, 12:24 AM

What do you do when a non-neophyte forgets to ask a stupid quetion?Serve them warm poopsicles.

Does anyone have some poopsicles on hand?

0TheSwerve0

Mar2-05, 04:31 AM

Does anyone have some poopsicles on hand?

I believe David Bowie'sArea (http://areaology.com/area.html) does not permit the sharing of poopsicles.

Does anyone else find poopy spank to be an aurally pleasing phrase?

honestrosewater

Mar2-05, 05:22 AM

I believe David Bowie'sArea (http://areaology.com/area.html) does not permit the sharing of poopsicles.Wow, people are really weird. Anyway...
Does anyone else find poopy spank to be an aurally pleasing phrase?Yes, and more visually pleasing than "droopy shank".
:tongue2:

What is the cure for a droopy shank anyway?

franznietzsche

Mar2-05, 02:51 PM

What is the cure for a droopy shank anyway?

Viagra.

Why are we talking about such unseemly topics in the first place?

Mar2-05, 05:25 PM

Because this thread is still here.

Why do classes always get cancelled?

brewnog

Mar2-05, 06:25 PM

Because they're taken by academics, who don't know how to organise their way out of a paper bag.

How does a brown cow eating green grass make white milk?

honestrosewater

Mar3-05, 07:50 AM

How does a brown cow eating green grass make white milk?Bleach. Lots and lots of bleach.

Doesn't it taste yummy?

vikasj007

Mar4-05, 03:36 AM

no it does not taste yummy at all. i hate milk.

why can i not get all my assignments completed by my classmates?

honestrosewater

Mar4-05, 04:14 AM

no it does not taste yummy at all. i hate milk.

why can i not get all my assignments completed by my classmates?You need a bigger gun.

What is pink, fruity, and hops on one foot?

The Bob

Mar5-05, 02:32 PM

What is pink, fruity, and hops on one foot?
Tribdog on a fire plate.

What sort of time do you call this, or this.......................... or this???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Bartholomew

Mar5-05, 02:38 PM

2:32 PM.

What time is it when the clock strikes 2:32 PM?

The Bob

Mar5-05, 03:23 PM

What time is it when the clock strikes 2:32 PM?
2:32pm and 00 seconds but then you might want to consider the speed of sound and what distance you are awya before you hear it so it should be more.

Can anyone be bothered to formulate an equation for it???

The Bob (2004 ©)

brewnog

Mar5-05, 03:30 PM

Someone might be able to, but I can't be arsed.

However, clocks tend only to strike on the hour, rather than at 32 minutes past. (Was the answer "time to get a new clock"?)

What is the angle between the hour hand and the minute hand at 2.32?

The Bob

Mar5-05, 06:34 PM

What is the angle between the hour hand and the minute hand at 2.32?
Well I am going to go with this.

The hour hand is going to be between the 1 and the 2. It is going to be \frac{32}{60} = \frac{8}{15}th of the way from the 1 to the 2. This means that I need the angle that is occupied between the 1 and the 2. This angle is \frac{360}{12} = \frac{90}{3} = 30°

This means the angle from the 1 is \frac{8}{15} \times 30 = 16°

This means that the angle we will be interested in is 30 - 16 = 14°

Between the 2 and the 6 there will be 30 \times 4 = 120°

There are 5 minutes in between (well 5 sections) and this means that there are 30 \times \frac{2}{5} = 12°

This means the angle between the hour hand and the minute hand is 14° + 120° + 12° = 146° degrees.

This is to assume that the minute hand is on the 32nd minute e.g. it it 2:32 and 0 seconds.

Can anyone be bothered to work it out if there were an x number of seconds as well??? :smile:

The Bob (2004 ©)

Bartholomew

Mar5-05, 10:16 PM

No.

Do you realize that at 2:32 the hour hand will be between the 2 and the 3?

franznietzsche

Mar5-05, 10:20 PM

No.

Do you realize that at 2:32 the hour hand will be between the 2 and the 3?

Of course.

Do you realize that the face of an analog clock makes no logical sense? Its like the english measurement system. minutes hand on the 3? 15 minutes after the hour. huh?

The Bob

Mar6-05, 04:51 PM

Do you realize that the face of an analog clock makes no logical sense? Its like the english measurement system. minutes hand on the 3? 15 minutes after the hour. huh?
Well the sooner we all change to metric time the better.

What sort of world so we live in???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Mar6-05, 06:17 PM

Well the sooner we all change to metric time the better.

What sort of world so we live in???

The Bob (2004 ©)

edit: i completeley forgot what thread this was for a minute.

The sort of world so we live in is the sort that they live in just so. Duh. I thought everyone knew that.

Why do you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

The Bob

Mar6-05, 06:26 PM

Why do you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway?
Just to be annoying to other drivers. I thought everyone knew that as well. :tongue2:

So what sort of Moonbeer does everyone want???

The Bob (2004 ©)

franznietzsche

Mar6-05, 07:52 PM

Just to be annoying to other drivers. I thought everyone knew that as well. :tongue2:

So what sort of Moonbeer does everyone want???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Guinness.

Don't you think that stuff looks cool when you pour it out of the can into a pint glass?

brewnog

Mar6-05, 08:06 PM

Hell yes, it's like the slow realisation of the impending contrast between good and evil.

Why does Guinness make your poo turn black?

honestrosewater

Mar7-05, 01:43 AM

Why does Guinness make your poo turn black?Your poo isn't drunk, you're just black.

Is Irish Coffee a girly drink? What about a dozen of them? What if you do creative things with the whipped cream?

franznietzsche

Mar7-05, 01:45 AM

Your poo isn't drunk, you're just black.

Is Irish Coffee a girly drink? What about a dozen of them? What if you do creative things with the whipped cream?

Girly drink? What the bloody hell is wrong with you? We're Irish!! I'll sick Senn Fein on you for that one lass....

Do you know what the best creative use fo whip cream is?

honestrosewater

Mar7-05, 01:55 AM

Do you know what the best creative use fo whip cream is?Yes.

But do you know the second most creative use?

Mar7-05, 03:26 AM

Integrated Circuitry.

How many letters are on your shampoo bottle?

franznietzsche

Mar7-05, 03:56 AM

Integrated Circuitry.

How many letters are on your shampoo bottle?

About as many as i can fit on my body written in whip cream.

Why is whip cream so yummy?

Mar7-05, 04:20 AM

Because its warm and wet!

Why your mom licking your whipped cream covered body?

franznietzsche

Mar7-05, 04:27 AM

Because its warm and wet!

Why your mom licking your whipped cream covered body?

You shouldn't be mistaking yourself for me anymore, we covered this already. when referring to yourself, you say 'me', not 'you'.

What's wrong with this guy :surprised ?

Mar7-05, 04:31 AM

Nothing at all, because that is the opposite of what is true (sorry I couldn't think of something better this time), though you comment was pretty bad.

Why did she say licking the whipped cream down under is orally pleasing? I hope that was aurally pleasing...

franznietzsche

Mar7-05, 05:17 AM

Sariaht

Mar7-05, 05:26 AM

Because you are a vampire, and your teeth is as long as... carrots!

Boy, am I hungry?

Mar7-05, 05:26 AM

Because of your mom... nothing, its been taken too far.

vikasj007

Mar7-05, 06:56 AM

Boy, am I hungry?

no you are not. neither am i.

what did i have for lunch today??

honestrosewater

Mar8-05, 05:17 AM

what did i have for lunch today??
A callipygian wobbegong.

Do sharks even have buttocks?

loseyourname

Mar8-05, 05:50 AM

A callipygian wobbegong.

Do sharks even have buttocks?

They don't have legs and so they don't have the musculature that we associate with our asscheeks.

Why do take naps in the early evening and end up staying awake all night?

madcat11

Mar8-05, 11:05 AM

Why do take naps in the early evening and end up staying awake all night?

Because evening is passe and the night is around.

Why is the night round?

Mar8-05, 12:40 PM

The night is round because it follows the moon.

Why do people say the moon is made of cheese?

xJuggleboy

Mar8-05, 01:26 PM

The night is round because it follows the moon.

Why do people say the moon is made of cheese?

Becouse cheese is yummey and the man in the moon needs sustanance. ANd what better to eat than cheese!!

Where does all the new cheese come from after he eats it all in 28 days?

Mar8-05, 01:38 PM

It goes through the moon cycle.

Why does fog burn off?

The Bob

Mar8-05, 04:39 PM

Why does fog burn off?
Burn off? Fog Burns off???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Mar8-05, 06:47 PM

Burn off? Fog Burns off???

The Bob (2004 ©)

That was a quetion, The Bob - shame on you - , and fog doesn't burn off it just sputters away.

Where does fog go?

The Bob

Mar8-05, 07:06 PM

That was a quetion, The Bob - shame on you - , and fog doesn't burn off it just sputters away.
The first part of my post was amazment that fog burns off. The next bit was the question. I do apologise.

Where does fog go?
It packs it's bags and goes to Scotland. I don't know why but fog likes Scotland.

Might by why it is so foggy up there, no???

The Bob (2004 ©)

penguinraider

Mar10-05, 02:07 PM

Is fog afraid of the dark?

The Bob

Mar10-05, 02:17 PM

Is fog afraid of the dark?
You have to answer the last posters question first and then post an answer. Honestly. :grumpy: :tongue2:

Well fog is but when it is in a large group it is happy and that is why it is more likely to be found at night because it is scared and finds others. In the day, it is not scared and is on its own.

What is the purpose of the rubber duck???

The Bob (2004 ©)

penguinraider

Mar10-05, 02:23 PM

To keep insecure children from looking out the window in the dark, so they don't start screaming, and crying, and going into bad convulsions, and... (sorry, childhood memories!)

Evo

Mar10-05, 02:34 PM

penguinrader, to participate in this thread, you must first answer the question in the prior post then ask a question.

penguinraider

Mar10-05, 02:41 PM

ok then, (sorry, newbie) why must cows go moo, can't they say something smart like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeemememememememeeeeeeeeeeeeee!?

Bartholomew

Mar10-05, 02:49 PM

Because cows are nicknamed "foggy fogtop."

Have you read that book?

penguinraider

Mar10-05, 02:51 PM

no, I can't say I have. What's it about? (There! There's your question!)

Davorak

Mar10-05, 03:13 PM

Must be about foggy fogtop topest frog that ever toped the top.

Will this thread’s gravitational pull cause a big crunch of all pf threads possible leading a new pf universe with rules an bylaws?

Gale

Mar10-05, 03:22 PM

Must be about foggy fogtop topest frog that ever toped the top.

Will this thread’s gravitational pull cause a big crunch of all pf threads possible leading a new pf universe with rules an bylaws?

Somehow... i doubt that.

How come everytime i post in here, someone says something distracting and my questions never get answered?

brewnog

Mar10-05, 06:55 PM

Probably because the answer to the preceding question was not particularly notable, and the accompanying question is completely unrelated and usually, rather daft.

What's the chemical composition of a fart?

franznietzsche

Mar10-05, 09:23 PM

mattmns

Mar10-05, 11:57 PM

Yep

Is this thread going to die, now that it is not the strongest anymore?

Daggath

Mar12-05, 05:11 PM

The Bob

Mar16-05, 08:07 AM

No this thread is like the phoenix, it just keeps rising from its ashes evey time... How much entropy does a phoenix cause when it recombusts back to life? ( and where does it get all of that energy!?)
You must learn to realise the truth............. There is no energy.

Entropy is low, very low.

What type of phoenix is best at taking the energy from its source???

The Bob (2004 ©)

T90

Mar16-05, 05:21 PM

Ok. The bottle of wine is finished and the wife's in bed. Suddenly Einstein seems lost and only Hawkins has the answer. Is he the Einstein of Our Times? and would he help me with the design of my permanent magnet no-external-power motor....

B.T.W. I do have a PM3 motor design and have had some results. Reading up on the Adams Motor and the FluxGate etc I see where they went wrong and where I went wrong. I have the pieces of the puzzle now. Watch this space...

mattmns

Mar16-05, 05:53 PM

^ what in the hell :rofl:

mapper

Mar16-05, 06:04 PM

^ what in the hell :rofl:

In the form of the question and answer it would be "who in the hell" A= Pat Sajak is back on the forums again.

What if confucius was mute while allah is great but not good iif.?

madcat11

Mar17-05, 12:10 PM

What if confucius was mute while allah is great but not good iif.?

allah was anything but mute - mutable, maybe - but, mute, no; but that's not an answer to a stupid quetion, this is: confusius only confuses, greatly.

If you put confusius in a fusion-driven space ship, traveling at the speed of meditative thought, could you go all the way pre-medieval china without passing goethe?

madcat11

Mar17-05, 12:12 PM

What type of phoenix is best at taking the energy from its source???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The gortex covered ones.

Where does the phoenix get his fire source?

honestrosewater

Mar17-05, 12:55 PM

If you put confusius in a fusion-driven space ship, traveling at the speed of meditative thought, could you go all the way pre-medieval china without passing goethe?Not bloody likely, and you don't get to ask two questions!
Where does the phoenix get his fire source?100% Essence of Moron.

When was the last time someone asked a genuinely stupid quetion?

vikasj007

Mar18-05, 03:17 PM

long long back. these days people are not even good at asking stupid questions.

can someone post a serious and logical answer to my stupid question??

hypatia

Mar18-05, 04:28 PM

You know how on restaurants they always say "no shirt, no shoes, no service"? What if someone walked in with no pants? What would they do then?

Danger

Mar18-05, 06:17 PM

Offer them a razor.
If pants and scissors only come in pairs, what the hell is the point of having invented a pant and a scissor in the first place?

wikkidwife

Mar19-05, 07:45 PM

If pants and scissors only come in pairs, what the hell is the point of having invented a pant and a scissor in the first place?[/QUOTE]

If a pant and a scissor never existed, then we never would have made the jump to pants and scissors.

But more importantly, did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

madcat11

Mar22-05, 10:38 AM

can someone post a serious and logical answer to my stupid question??

maybe if you put it in the form of a quetion. and then I seriously doubt it..read the thread name....only stupid answers allowed.... whoops, ahem: Actually, only when the moon glows orange on tangerine seas.

Did the Beatles really exist in this time frame?

moose

Mar22-05, 12:22 PM

But more importantly, did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
My name is Adam, I have a belly button
:P

On the other hand, why am I in europe on a laptop that isn't mine?

penguinraider

Mar23-05, 08:51 PM

Because You're deluded, and a theif that doesn' understand questions. Why the heckare the two perople on the computer next to me getting in and out of the login?

The Bob

Mar25-05, 04:38 PM

Because You're deluded, and a theif that doesn' understand questions. Why the heckare the two perople on the computer next to me getting in and out of the login?
Login??

What login???

The Bob (2004 ©)

infamous_Q

Mar26-05, 11:13 PM

the one over there.

where'd my feet go?

(had to say something ridiculous...if its been said...the world's populace seriously needs help haha)

and in case u dont want to answer the feet thing...:
The meaning to life, the universe, and everything? (not sure i got that right)

1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21

Mar27-05, 07:40 PM

being that i am probably the only on pf who hasn't posted a reply on this particular thread here goes.

that's better

Fibonacci

franznietzsche

Mar27-05, 11:26 PM

being that i am probably the only on pf who hasn't posted a reply on this particular thread here goes.

that's better

Fibonacci

Bloody neophytes need to bloody learn how to post in this thread or stop altogether...*grumble grumble*

Why does physical activity hurt this bad?

Bladibla

Mar28-05, 05:53 AM

Bloody neophytes need to bloody learn how to post in this thread or stop altogether...*grumble grumble*

Why does physical activity hurt this bad?

It doesn't. Try again and it won't hurt.

Why am i stupid?

franznietzsche

Mar28-05, 05:25 PM

It doesn't. Try again and it won't hurt.

Why am i stupid?

Because nobody loved you as a child.

Why am I in such a fantastic mood?

penguinraider

Mar29-05, 07:20 PM

expensive drugs come to mind....

What is so chaotic about the chaos theory?

TheStatutoryApe

Mar30-05, 01:57 AM

The Chao is sacred.

What is the PIN for God's checking account?

whitetigerboy56

Mar30-05, 02:57 PM

0!

Duh!!!

but he really doesn't need one does he?

Gokul43201

Mar30-05, 04:59 PM

but he really doesn't need one does he? Of course not ! He wouldn't hear of it. Haven't you heard : Jesus saves !

If Jesus is saving, shouldn't we expect a rainy day ?

franznietzsche

Mar30-05, 05:20 PM

If Jesus is saving, shouldn't we expect a rainy day ?

No silly, that's the wrong kind of save. Jesus saves! The rest of you take damage.

Anyone else ready for the rupture?

penguinraider

Mar31-05, 07:21 PM

maybe,if i knew what youwere talking about.
Are we a figment of someone else's imagination?

NoTime

Mar31-05, 11:12 PM

maybe,if i knew what youwere talking about.
Are we a figment of someone else's imagination?
No, you are a figment of your own imagination.

If Jesus saves, then does Moses invest?

franznietzsche

Mar31-05, 11:21 PM

If Jesus saves, then does Moses invest?

No i told you, everyone else takes damage.

Why doesn't anyone else get the paper and pencil RPG joke?

hypnagogue

Apr1-05, 02:06 AM

Why doesn't anyone else get the paper and pencil RPG joke?

I don't know about the pencil RPG joke, but I get the paper every morning.

What the hell is a pencil RPG?

TheStatutoryApe

Apr1-05, 02:08 AM

It's where you pretend to be a pencil neck geek.
Where have you been?

franznietzsche

Apr1-05, 02:48 AM

Where have you been?

Reading a good book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345409469/104-4879613-9167142) recommended to be me by a sexy woman.

Why don't i sleep?

honestrosewater

Apr1-05, 03:27 AM

Why don't i sleep?You do- you just aren't aware of it because you're always asleep when it happens.

Do you like scary movies?

The Bob

Apr3-05, 04:29 PM

Do you like scary movies?
Not really. Not my thing.

What sort of cheese do most people like and why???

The Bob (2004 ©)

brewnog

Apr3-05, 07:18 PM

I have a new favourite cheese every month. This month I'm up for a medium Cheddar (perhaps a mild Cathedral City), because it's strong enough for sandwiches yet mild enough for pizza and lasagne.

What's that white stuff that appears on exposed cheese surfaces?

Danger

Apr3-05, 07:22 PM

Frost. Your fridge is turned too cold.

Why did the lumberjack cross the river?

Moses

Apr6-05, 04:45 AM

to ask the rabbit how sexy is the dutch cow,

Why Bush invade Iraq?

JFo

Apr6-05, 05:12 AM

Because camels are more fuel efficient,

why can't I sleep?

theCandyman

Apr6-05, 11:41 AM

You cannot sleep because you are not tired, try getting more exercise.

How does one go about finding the number of different ways a Rubix cube can be set?

JFo

Apr6-05, 02:19 PM

the same way one finds the number of different color patterns of a rubix cube.

Why does everyone love a slinky?

The Bob

Apr8-05, 07:27 PM

the same way one finds the number of different color patterns of a rubix cube.

Why does everyone love a slinky?
Because it just sort of bouces in your hands.

What is the point of banana milkshakes???

The Bob (2004 ©)

hypnagogue

Apr9-05, 07:59 AM

What is the point of banana milkshakes???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Apparently, the point of banana milkshakes is The Bob (2004 ©).

Will this thread ever catch up to "Thread Killer Champions"?

The Bob

Apr9-05, 09:32 AM

Will this thread ever catch up to "Thread Killer Champions"?
It might do. What do you mean by catch up???

The Bob (2004 ©)

Bladibla

Apr11-05, 01:02 PM

It might do. What do you mean by catch up???

The Bob (2004 ©)

It means catching the threadkiller champion.

Might it be useful to think this thread just might be the antithread for the threadkiller thread, and when both equal post, it annhilates each other?

whitetigerboy56

Apr11-05, 02:50 PM

Let's hope not!!

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

The Bob

Apr11-05, 06:30 PM

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
I am sure we have had this before and I can't say the english do that. :wink:

So what was the question before last???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Apr13-05, 05:28 PM

So what was the question before last???

The Bob (2004 ©)
Well The Bob, interesting question. Let us see. *Looks back* Oh yes, here it is:

Might it be useful to think this thread just might be the antithread for the threadkiller thread, and when both equal post, it annhilates each other?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Smurf

Apr13-05, 07:05 PM

Gaaah!!! Its Back!!

Gokul43201

Apr13-05, 08:10 PM

Well The Bob, interesting question. Let us see. *Looks back* Oh yes, here it is:

Might it be useful to think this thread just might be the antithread for the threadkiller thread, and when both equal post, it annhilates each other?

The Bob (2004 ©)Nah, this thread deserves to live. The other one (I won't defile myself by saying the name) is not even worthy of being called a thread. Its existence is so fake and contrived, it makes me sick.

Down, other thread !! Long live 'Stupid Quetion' !!

Who here, besides The Bob talk to themselves ?

The Bob

Apr14-05, 04:59 PM

Who here, besides The Bob talk to themselves ?
[For the thread's sake] That is a good question. Who else talks to themselves???

The Bob (2004 ©)

hypermorphism

Apr14-05, 06:53 PM

[For the thread's sake] That is a good question. Who else talks to themselves???

The Bob (2004 ©)
I don't talk to myself. I am on speaking terms with my alternate ego. :mad:

The Bob

Apr14-05, 06:59 PM

I don't talk to myself. I am on speaking terms with my alternate ego. :mad:
Wow. Have I affended you or is the :mad: for affect???

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. Take this as the question after the one that hypermorphism will ask after the answer to this one.

hypermorphism

Apr14-05, 07:23 PM

Wow. Have I affended you or is the :mad: for affect???

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. Take this as the question after the one that hypermorphism will ask after the answer to this one.

It's hard to effect anything more than a smirking affectation with these shiny, colorful things. :mad: :wink: Why are these things called graemlins anyway ? they don't look anything like these guys (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087363/).

The Bob

Apr15-05, 10:56 AM

Why are these things called graemlins anyway ?
I didn't know they were called Graemlins. Maybe it is because they show just the face, the only part of a Graemlin that can really be seen.

Why would someone call a film 'Graemlin'???

The Bob (2004 ©)

madcat11

Apr15-05, 12:09 PM

Why would someone call a film 'Graemlin'???

The Bob (2004 ©)

'Glad you're back and talking to yourself, the Bob, and - as for the quetion, it ranks up there with 'why would someone call themselves 'the Bob'?; therefore the answer is "eek, scary name, therefore scary movie!!"

Actually, wouldn't that have been more effective had I said, :eek:, :surprised name, therefore, :surprised movie?

cronxeh

Apr15-05, 12:17 PM

ok i dont want to post this under 'physics' sections.. cause if im wrong ill probably be rediculed

so here it goes - under penalty of sliding into the 'ask the stupid question' part.

i looked at the clock today, and thought about dividing hours by degrees. so 12 hours = 2*pi, 24 hours = 4pi

so I thought, 1 hour = pi/6 = 60 minutes, 1 minute = pi/360, 1 second = pi/21600

so, naturally being ignorant of geometry, i decided to apply this principle of 1 second to Planck Time

~ 5.391 *10 ^-44 seconds * pi/21600 /second = ~116 * 10^-42 pi. so.. a stupid question: what is this?

multiplying things out.. it goes to 6.5123 * 10^-48 .. kinda less than planck length though

i mean u know.. could be a spin distance by a photon..if you parametrize it.. who knows.. ah right i donno :devil:

The Bob

Apr15-05, 02:22 PM

so.. a stupid question: what is this?
It would seem that you do not get the idea of this thread. However, you have raised an interesting question and so this will be disscused for a while.

First, you say that 12 hours = 2pi. This I will agree with as 360° = 2pi. What gets me is why you have divided pi by 6. There are 60 minutes in an hour and an hour will take 360° to go around which means a minute is:

\frac{360}{60} \ or \ \frac{2 \pi}{60}

These give 6° or \frac{ \pi}{30} ^c for each minute (and then you can divide again for seconds). So 60 seconds (of time) is equal to travelling 1 minute (of time), 6° or \frac{ \pi}{30} ^c around a clock face.

I do not see what Planck time has to do with what you are doing. So here is my question: Why it is being used and what are you hoping to find from using it??? Can you explain to me what it is???

The Bob (2004 ©)

EDIT: I see where the \frac{2 \pi}{12} ^c has come from. This will give you the positions of the 'hours'. However you could have the 'hours' in different places as you really are (almost) making up your own way of telling the time. The placings of the minutes, however, should be as above. Again, I am talking about the placings (or degrees) that the minutes and hours must be. The amount of 'time' that one of them will take is as you have stated above. I do apologise for misunderstanding what you meant.

cronxeh

Apr16-05, 12:36 PM

I think what I calculated is how many radians the thing would travel in a circular motion in Pascal Time. I think what I need to do next is parametrize the circular path curve and find the distance.. i think it will be planck length so nothing exciting there, false alert

penguinraider

Apr17-05, 10:21 PM

Penguinraider enjoys and always talks about himself in the third person.

Why does timego slower during boring lectures and speed up during,oh, say football? Does time enjoy playing tricks on us?

The Bob

Apr20-05, 03:17 AM

Why does timego slower during boring lectures and speed up during,oh, say football? Does time enjoy playing tricks on us?
Time is like a little monkey and when it is excited it does more and faster. This is why time seems to go faster, it is just excited. Also it can go slow when it is bored. Each person has its own time monkey.

Why do we map time with space???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Apr24-05, 09:37 AM

Why do we map time with space???
I do not know but I am going to stop now before everyone thinks I am talking to myself. :uhh:

What is needed for a thread to be popular???

The Bob (2004 ©)

arildno

Apr24-05, 09:57 AM

A good haircut and a new pair of glasses.

Why haven't I posted here before? :confused:

madcat11

Apr26-05, 01:30 PM

Why haven't I posted here before? :confused:

Because you have "no" in your name.

What makes a haircut good?

cronxeh

Apr26-05, 01:52 PM

are you a MexiCAN or a MexiCANT?

penguinraider

Apr26-05, 09:49 PM

A mexican't.

Who else talks to themselves in the third person?

zoobyshoe

Apr30-05, 05:23 AM

Who else talks to themselves in the third person?
No one. According to Who's Who In The Third Person, 1988 edition (last edition in print) Mrs. Leonard Robinson of Letona, Arkansas, USA was the only remaining practitioner of this art, and she retired from it in 1979 to persue a carrear in creative paleontology. Her hoax of Arkansas Man, which proved the prehistoric roots of inbreeding, was created by carefully filing and sculpting the lower mandible of her great uncle's skeletal remains such that it fit perfectly into the sockets of his own scull!. She recieved a blue ribbon at the state fair for this. Currently she is doing volunteer work in Europe cleaning up exploded toads. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson!

Recently, when I was crawling on all fours in northern Germany inserting explosives into toads, the newscaster on the radio I was monitoring for unjellitivistic utterances announced that authorities had determined that on the 17th on this month, between the hours of 3:35 and 4:14 P.M. EST, no one in the world had thought about Simon B. Birmingham, author of Fun With Bodyhair, Houghton/Mifflin 1952. That being the case, I made a vow to think of him at least once every ten minutes for the rest of my life so that this situation would never arise again. Already, though, I have stumbled several times. Is there no one who will help take up the slack?

<<<GUILLE>>>

Apr30-05, 06:13 AM

I have a question.

my mother always said that stupid people are those who do supid things.

is she correct?

zoobyshoe

Apr30-05, 06:30 AM

is she correct?
Yes, because life is like a box of chocolates, a sticky, gooey assemblage of lipid stupidity; a neatly packaged set of little chocolate crania which contain some kind of runny, gooey syrup that should be cerebral tissue but isn't. Stupid is as stupid does. An that's about all Ah have ta say about thaaat.

Is there no one to help me take up the slack?

honestrosewater

Apr30-05, 06:41 AM

Is there no one to help me take up the slack?Sure, my uncle is a tailor; He can take up your slacks. How many inches would you like taken off?

zoobyshoe

Apr30-05, 07:10 AM

How many inches would you like taken off?
Don't know. Zoobies measure in the swebble unit system. No one has successfully worked out a means of conversion. There was this one brilliant mathemetician who penned an exited claim to have thought up an "ingenious solution" in the margin of a work on another subject. When questioned later he said he meant he'd figured out what to do with old boxes of chocolates.

Recently, neurologist Oliver Sacks complained bitterly that years ago his publisher had pressured him into altering the title of his book The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat. The actual title was supposed to be: The Man Who Mistook His Hat For A Wife. The publisher felt the sex scenes were not fit for the reading public, and told him to change the title and the story or go unpublished. Anyway, Sack is about to publish a sequal entitled The Man Who Mistook A Muffler For An African Grey Parrot. Apparently his neurological inability to distinguish between a Dodge muffler and his parrot lead him to go around for years with the muffler balanced on his shoulder. Constant feeding of seeds into the forward end lead to their eventual falling from the rear end which simply reinforced his belief in it as a living bird. Sacks has complained bitterly that his publisher has forbidden him to disclose what the man did with the actual parrot. Should publishers interfere with neurology?

<<<GUILLE>>>

Apr30-05, 08:35 AM

Yes, because life is like a box of chocolates, a sticky, gooey assemblage of lipid stupidity; a neatly packaged set of little chocolate crania which contain some kind of runny, gooey syrup that should be cerebral tissue but isn't. Stupid is as stupid does. An that's about all Ah have ta say about thaaat.

Is there no one to help me take up the slack?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...................I only understood until the first word, but neva minde.

Math Is Hard

Apr30-05, 05:20 PM

Should publishers interfere with neurology?
Intereting quetion. Just as those with neurological disorders often mistake mufflers for parrots, it's not uncommon for editors to mistake what they do to manuscripts for literary talent. It seems in this case that neurology is interfering with publishers.

My dentist just asked me I wanted novocaine, lidocaine or Michael Caine. Which one is the most numbing?

zoobyshoe

Apr30-05, 06:57 PM

Which one is the most numbing?
Internal or external use?

Speaking of dentists, the National Geohographic Channel recently aired a special on the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Andentition, a mysterious disorder in which a person's teeth suddenly drop out. Some blame sugar cane, some: cane toads, some: exploding toads. A fringe group posits the existence of the dentotron, a subatomic particle that, while rare, can sometimes find it's way through the Van Allen radiation belt to the earth's surface where encounters with smiling people lead to this mysterious loss of teeth. Some claim there is no such disorder, that thw people whose teeth fall out are human/shark hybrids, a stand supported by the fact that the sufferer's teeth generally grow back in a week or two. What's your take on the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Andentition?

Math Is Hard

Apr30-05, 07:52 PM

What's your take on the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Andentition?
Mercy! What a terrible malady. I have heard that it only befalls those who are simultaneously down in the mouth, long in the tooth, and suffering from an exploding frog in the throat. Thus the rarity of the condition.

In January of 1947, Alfred Einstein was simultaneously down in the mouth, long in the tooth, and suffering from an exploding frog in the throat. As his teeth flew from his head, Alfred marveled feverishly at the tiny white projectiles and he knew instantly that he had stumbled on to a concept of great significance. In his delirium, he called the office of every newspaper in town and shouted his discovery, but alas they completely misinterpreted what poor toothless Alfred said.

Two possible questions to answer. Choose one or both:
1)What was Alfred trying to say?
2) What did they think he said?

zoobyshoe

Apr30-05, 11:30 PM

Two possible questions to answer. Choose one or both:
1)What was Alfred trying to say?
2) What did they think he said?
This is the famous "Ice frost! Ice frost!" incident. That's what the papers heard him exclaim. Alfred, himself, believed that he had discovered the uselessness of flossing as it had done nothing to prevent his loss of teeth. He was actually shouting "I flossed! I flossed!" The incident was a source of great confusion in the scientific world till Alfred's teeth grew back a week or two later. Only one man, then Whipper-Snapper Emeritus at Cornell, Richard P. Chineynman, had been able to work out the probability of what Alfred E. had actually said and knew it was a false alarm. "He say: `I frossed! I frossed!' That all." No one, though, understood Chineynman, despite his being correct. (Chineynman admitted that he, himself, may not have understood the explanation he'd arrived at, but that he was certain it was correct.)

Today the National Geohographic Channel again aired their special on the wild giant swine Hog Kong who was shot and killed after several seasons of terrorizing a weird, purple jellyfish farm somewhere in rural America. Hog Kong was claimed to be the size of a school bus and to weight in at several dozens of tons, and the National Geohographic team was geared up to get to the facts of the matter, to get accurate measurements and DNA samples. The disinternment proved Hog Kong was, in fact, a school bus, and it's DNA showed it to be the comon diesel variety, not some kind of wild natural gas or propane model. The quetion remains: who was driving?

Huckleberry

May1-05, 12:59 AM

The driver was none other than Gary Gygax, creator of a once popular fantasy role-playing game. He was found in a carbon-aluminum cranial cavity containing a folding dungeon master's chair, a heavy duty cooler, and a table covered in dice the shapes and sizes of which none have looked upon except for The Gygax himself. After licking the cheese curl residue from his fingers he rolled a handful of dice and spoke "I hit and you suffered 35 points of damage and are poisoned from my pig stench." Oddly enough he was right and the investigators died on the spot.
He later claimed the creation of Hog Kong was research for his next project, "Giant, Mutated, Killer Pigs That Live In Rural America In Close Proximity With Purple Jellyfish, And Smell Bad Too." It was to be the vangaard for his new line of role-role-playing games. The idea is that people relive their old role-playing memories in a real life scenario. A survey was taken and former fantasy role players were asked what were their fondest memories, and the #1 response was "Giant, Mutated, Killer Pigs That Live In Rural America In Close Proximity With Purple Jellyfish, And Smell Bad." Ofcourse, none of the people that took the survey have been sober for more than 8 hours a day since they were 15, they live in their parents basement, and have a personal shrine including a statuette of The Gygax himself.

My quetion is... Do these little known cultists never leave their subterranean chambers, or are they living among us unobserved; waiting, watching, plotting some sinister scheme?

zoobyshoe

May1-05, 02:27 AM

My quetion is... Do these little known cultists never leave their subterranean chambers, or are they living among us unobserved; waiting, watching, plotting some sinister scheme?
A quick check of the surveillance logs here at Area 51 reveals that they do leave their hideouts now and then, but the purpose does not seem to be infiltration. There seems to be alot of purchasing of AA batteries, apple cider vinegar, and pilfering of paper napkins from fast food establishments. There is also a report of one anomalous trip to an auto supply store where a Dodge muffler was purchased with cash. Everyone's curiosity has been piqued, but none of the special agents assigned to the case has arrived at a coherent hypothesis about the purpose of these items.

In a recent interview, National Geohographic Channel executives confessed that they are running out of swine material, and may have grossly overestimated the viability of a television channel consisting solely of programs about swine. "I guess you really can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear," concluded one spokesman. Any suggestions?

Math Is Hard

May1-05, 01:49 PM

In a recent interview, National Geohographic Channel executives confessed that they are running out of swine material, and may have grossly overestimated the viability of a television channel consisting solely of programs about swine. "I guess you really can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear," concluded one spokesman. Any suggestions?
That's a darn shame. If they're running out of pig stories I suppose the only hope is for them to start making some up. oh, wait, they do that already. :redface: Boy, I am going to be so upset if my favorite series, Sowsquatch! goes off the air! :grumpy:

Listening to my favorite swine radio station, WHOG, last night, I heard a famous pig scientist, Dr. Jehosophat LePorcine, claim he had used pattern recognition software to decode a secret message in pig DNA sequences. He claims the message translates as "Whoops. You weren’t supposed to see this." Being a bit skeptical I ran the sequences through my own pattern recognition and language mapping algorithms, translating from DNA bases to Aramiac to Pig Latin (this is the crucial step I believe LePorcine missed) and finally into to English. Amazingly, this is what the translation of the secret message revealed : "Hi Alex, it’s Brenda. Could you give me a call when you get this ? We need to talk."

Which of us has the correct interpretation ?

zoobyshoe

May1-05, 02:52 PM

Which of us has the correct interpretation ?
Sorry, you lost my interest as soon as you mentioned algorithms. Very boaring.
Actually, LePorcine's interpretation has already been debunked. The DNA sequence has been determined to say:"This space reserved for wings."
(I'm also, incidently, surprised to hear that the National Geohographic Channel carries a show called Sowsquatch, since this concept is so similar to The Bovine Channel's Cowsquatch.)

Anyway, I can't express how disappointed I am that the famous Piggerson film of Hog Kong has almost certainly been proven to have been hoaxed. The trouble is that the image of that lumbering, giant yellow swine, caught nosing around the tanks of weird, purple jellyfish by the exited filmmaker, all shakey and out of focus, slowly turning to glace at the persuing documentarian as it calmly heads for cover, has been etched in my mind as the prototypical image of the beast, the sum of all the giant, yellow swine legends, since I first saw it on TV as a lad of 29 in 1934.

Although Gygax has admitted to have been the man driving the schoolbus, and despite the fact that the Geohographic Channel had him reenact the scene, demonstrating that he does, indeed, drive exactly like a pig, I don't think it proves that Hog Kong doesn't exist at all. I remain open minded about the Hymalayan stories, because who could drive a schoolbus on the slopes of Mt. Everest? Is there any hope that Hog Kong may yet be real?

Huckleberry

May1-05, 05:50 PM

Discovery of Alfred Einstein revealed!
After losing his teeth in an unfortunate exploding frog incident Alfred realized that the reducing altitude of Mt. Everest was not in fact due to melting glaciers caused by global warming. He deduced that this loss is due to the eating habits of an expanding pig that resides on the highest slopes of the mountain. Material is eaten at one location and excreted at another. This relocation of material explains the rise and loss in altitude of the mountain.
The translation of Richard P. Chineyman was correct after all. In China the mountain is refered to as Qomolangma, Goddess Mother of the World. Extensive geneological research indicates that Alfred Einstein is a direct descendant of the Goddess Mother herself, which takes the form of a massive earth eating pig.
An expedition is being funded by the Geohographic Channel to explore the sacred mountain in search for the pig, which has come to be known as Hog Kong. Hollywood movie producers and Gary Gygax fans everywhere are anxiously awaiting the results. The expedition will be headed by the world's premeire pogo stick explorer, Ashrita Furmane, later this month. Accompanying him will be several South American pygmies, a few carny folk, Dennis Ropeman, and ofcourse, a llama.
In answer to the quetion is there hope, the answer is a resounding yes!

Will they ever find Hog Kong and reveal the secrets of Qomolangma, the Goddess Mother of the World?

zoobyshoe

May1-05, 06:34 PM

Will they ever find Hog Kong and reveal the secrets of Qomolangma, the Goddess Mother of the World?

We can easily calculate the odds using Richard P. Chineyman's guidelines as laid out in Quantum Jellidynamics,the strange theory of swine and jellyfish. What we need to do is determine the path of least action for the all the Hog Kongs that might be roaming the mountainside, tie all the hogs snout to tail, and then draw a jellivector from the tail of the last hog to the snout of the first. By measuring that jellivector, and squaring the length we can arrive at the probability of encountering one of these great hogs. In the event that two hogs interact, or if any particular hog happens to emit a virtual piglet (stand out of the way, these emerge really quickly), then we need to toss a jellyfish into the air and let it land in the snow. The sqiggly lines formed by the frozen tentacles are what are known as Chineyman Diagrams. All possible interactions of giant hogs and virtual giant piglets are explained by Chineyman Diagrams.

Actually, I'm confused. Everyone knows that South American Pygmies and carny-folk have been tattooing themselves for centuries with designs that are indistinguishable from Chineyman Diagrams, and, therefore, belong on this expedition. I can't make heads or tails of the inclusion of the old-fashioned pogo stick explorer. I mean, hasn't this quaint practise been abandoned?

Huckleberry

May1-05, 07:27 PM

:rofl: That was great!

Actually, I'm confused. Everyone knows that South American Pygmies and carny-folk have been tattooing themselves for centuries with designs that are indistinguishable from Chineyman Diagrams, and, therefore, belong on this expedition. I can't make heads or tails of the inclusion of the old-fashioned pogo stick explorer. I mean, hasn't this quaint practise been abandoned?Actually, the inclusion of the pogo stick is important for this expedition, which is the reason Ashrita Furmane was selected to lead it. Originally develeoped in Burma for crossing muddy streets without getting your shoes dirty, the pogo stick is vital for avoiding the excrement of the Hog Kong pigs. In some places the excrement can be as deep as five feet, well over the heads of pygmies and most carny folk. Specially designed pogo sticks are needed to traverse the deeper regions of the noxious morass. Ashrita Furmane is uniquely qualified to teach the essentials of pogo stick exploration and shoeshining.

After bouncing into Kathmandu to collect equipment and obtain the weather forecast, the short explorers booked a room at the Everest Hotel. Several pygmies crashed a party in the lobby and have been detained by local authorities, who are being rather tight-lipped about the whole story. News reporters are looking for eye-witnesses to the incident. Does anyone know what happened at the Everest Hotel?

Math Is Hard

May2-05, 12:12 AM

After bouncing into Kathmandu to collect equipment and obtain the weather forecast, the short explorers booked a room at the Everest Hotel. Several pygmies crashed a party in the lobby and have been detained by local authorities, who are being rather tight-lipped about the whole story. News reporters are looking for eye-witnesses to the incident. Does anyone know what happened at the Everest Hotel?
I have a friend who is a bellman at the Everest Hotel and he gave me the low-down. Once a year, they hold the Worldwide Cheesemaker's Expo at this location. In preparation for the event, the entire lobby floor had been transformed into a replica of Swiss cheese, complete with holes about two or three inches in diameter. The unwitting pygmies pogo-ed right into the middle of the event, and found themselves stuck fast in the cheese holes. Enraged, they abandoned their pogo sticks and attacked the conventioneers, gnawing at the knee caps of several prominent Belgian cheesemakers. It was quite a mess, according to my poor friend who was responsible for cleaning up the aftermath.

Speaking of cleaning up, how do those new-fangled non-suction vacuum cleaners manage to suck up dirt?

Huckleberry

May2-05, 12:55 AM

Speaking of cleaning up, how do those new-fangled non-suction vacuum cleaners manage to suck up dirt?
Like a Saint Bernard licking the floor at a 5 year olds birthday party.

If Von Dutch hats are trucker hats, then why don't truckers wear them?

zoobyshoe

May2-05, 02:07 AM

If Von Dutch hats are trucker hats, then why don't truckers wear them?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because just this morning the doorbell rang, which alarmed me cause I wasn't properly dressed, so, quickly putting a William Shatner mask over my head and picking up a kitchen knife, I answered it to find a contingent of prosletyzers from the Church of the Hatless Truckers and Ascendent Teamsters of the Third Estate of the Sainted Sanctum of Highway Glory who were out collecting donations and giving out literature. They were so persuasive I gave them all three old tires I had hoarded in the back yard for a rainy day, as well as the instruction manual for a telephone answering machine that had broken on me years ago. Their gratitude was heartwarming.

Recently I recieved the bill I'd been dreading: the credit card company wanting to be paid for the gross of William Shatner masks, complete with breasts, that I'd had specially made for me by the Breasted Gorilla And William Shatner Mask Company of Worcester, Massachusettes, USA. I don't want to tell you what it amounted to. Anyway I'm going to have to rent out the rear of the Zoobie Brush Shelter, or sell all the spare brush I've been hoarding for a rainy day to pay for it. Any other ideas?

Huckleberry

May2-05, 03:00 AM

You're not the first person to have billing issues with the William Shatner Mask Company of Worcester, Massachussetts. There is a precedent legal case that went to the Supreme Court. A gross of William Shatner masks, complete with breasts, were delivered to the home of Leonard Nimoy. Nimoy complained that he did not purchase these masks and that, in fact, this was a malicious prank perpetrated against him by an angry neighbor. After refusing to wear the Spock ears and starfleet uniform for the neighbor's 5 year old son's birthday party tension between the two men increased. Nimoy claimed that the neighbor purchased his autograph from Ebay and forged his signature on the mask order.
Nimoy could provide no evidence against his neighbor and it looked as if his case would be dismissed. His attorney cleverly executed an alternative plan. He stated that any number of William Shatner masks with attached breasts are pretty gross. Gross is gross no matter how you look at it, and really, who would want to in the first place. The Supreme Court agreed and charged Nimoy for the price of one mask with breasts. He then sold the entire gross back to the William Shatner Mask Company and made a tidy profit.

Try that.

Why would someone buy A William Shatner mask with gorilla breasts in the first place?

zoobyshoe

May2-05, 03:17 AM

Why would someone buy A William Shatner mask with gorilla breasts in the first place?
It's so no one will suspect your 16 mm, shakey footage of William Shatner walking calmly away from the camera in the Pacific Northwest is a hoax. Breast are a sign of scientific authenticity. Albert Einstein's rack is really what pushed everybody over into the Relativity camp.

Three or four minutes ago there was a sound from the backyard, and when I went out to investigate with a flamming torch and cudgel I discovered a herd of merkins cavorting on the back lawn. What should I do?

Ivan Seeking

May2-05, 03:46 AM

Three or four minutes ago there was a sound from the backyard, and when I went out to investigate with a flamming torch and cudgel I discovered a herd of merkins cavorting on the back lawn. What should I do?

Throw them all the weiners that you have and run for your life!

How many weiners can a herd of merkins eat?

zoobyshoe

May2-05, 04:57 AM

How many weiners can a herd of merkins eat?
I'm sorry, but I'm preoccupuied with the problem of how they breed. It puts me in mind of leprechauns. I've never seen a picture or heard mention of a female leprechaun, and have never been able to figure out how they reproduce.

Anyway, I've had alot of trouble sleeping lately because of this giant, spooky, ectoplasmic apparition shaped much like Ron Popeil, that stares through the window at me at night with red, glowing eyes and always shouts, just as I'm about to drift off into sleep; "I'M JOHNNYCAKE JOHNNY! THAT'S WHAT I AM! I'M JOHNNYCAKE JOHNNY!"

The police said they don't do stray, giant ectoplasmic visitations, that that was a kinda fire department thing, but the fire department said not to bother any city services: it was federal. The FBI said they had a couple of heavily redacted x-files on people who've been attacked by ectoplasmic goo, which was probably actually escaped enzymatic laundry detergent gone feral, they could send, but that they weren't going to dispatch any agents unless someone were dead. I've discovered that if I sit by the window and tell it stories, Sheherezade-like, it goes away about 4 A.M. and I can then sleep.

I'm coming close to running out of stories. Got any good ones?

Huckleberry

May2-05, 08:44 PM

You could always tell it the story of Barnaby, the Flock of Seagulls fan that lost all his hair in a terrible perming accident. Years later, while peering into the giant turtle tank at the Boston aquarium he lost his Flock of Seagulls toupee. On a lower level a group of children on a school field trip discovered the toupee drifting in the water, much to their chagrin. They began combing the aquarium in a search for the owner, but never discovered him.
Divers entered the tank to remove the offending toupee. One of the turtles had claimed it as his own personal property and would not let the divers remove it.
One of the employees in the aquarium gift shop remembered a bald man purchasing a hat with a large plush turtle with rubber flippers on top. He also said the hat was several sizes to small for the bald man. He fished through the trash and found a carbon copy of the receipt, and the name of the purchaser was none other than Barnaby. Aquarium staff often commented that the plush turtle hat closely resembled Barnaby the turtle, the new owner of Mr. Barnaby's Flock of Seagulls toupee.

Coincidence, or is some supernatural force at work in the Boston aquarium?

(Hmm, this sounded much better in my head.)

zoobyshoe

May2-05, 09:17 PM

Coincidence, or is some supernatural force at work in the Boston aquarium?
Supernatural force. No question. It isn't humanly possible to hoax a situation like that. However, to remove all doubt, next time you tell the story include some mention of breasts.

Recently, after the villagers of Arles rose up and demanded I be removed to the sanitarium, I set to work on a new painting entitled Nocturnally Roving Herd Of Weird, Purple Jellyfish As Viewed From A Cell Window In The Sanitarium At Arles On A Starry Night. Imagine my frustration when I went scrabbling through my paint box for a tube of weird purple only to find there was none left. I had purple, dark purple, lavender, lilac, dahlia purple, but no weird purple.
Just then, Dr. Felix came rapping on the cell door crying "Van Zooby! Open up! A package from your brother!"
This alarmed me, since I wasn't properly dressed, and, grabbing my William Shatner mask and a kitchen knife, I stumbled toward the door, only to trip over a couple of canvasses lying out to dry. When I got back to my feet I saw to my horror that I'd sliced off one of William Shatner's ears. The bleeding was profuse, (but turned out to be vermillion red from one of the wet paintings).
Grabbing pen and paper, I sat and began..."Dear Theo, Recently, after the villagers of Arles rose up and demanded I be removed to the sanitarium, I set to work on a new painting entitled..."

Just then, Dr. Felix, still waiting at the door for me to answer, screamed "I'M JOHNNYCAKE JOHNNY! THAT'S WHAT I AM! I'M JOHNNYCAKE JOHNNY!"

This alarmed me, since I wasn't hungry, so I grabbed my William Shatner mask and a kitchen knife, and approached the door. "Who's there?" I asked.
"Bill, it's me. Leonard."
Peaking through a crack, I saw Dr. Felix wearing a Leonard Nimoy mask, holding a package.
"What's in the package, Leonard?"
"I don't have any idea."
"Do a mind meld with it."
"I am not Spock."
That, of course, was the correct answer. I knew it was safe to let him in. What, however, was in the package?

Huckleberry

May2-05, 11:53 PM

Inside the package was a slice of moldy pepperoni pizza, a years supply of B2up Bust-Up bubble gum, a rusty straight razor and a note with the words "Do what the good Doctor Felix tells you. Doctor knows best. :smile: Love, Your brother Theo."
Dr. Felix asks abruptly, "Hungry?"
"Not particularly. No."
"More for me then."
Dr. Felix grabs the single slice of putrid pizza and crams a large portion of it into his Nimoy mask mouth hole. Amid the chomping and slurping noises Dr. Felix manages to say "Not wearing your double-breasted gorilla suit today?"
"Not today. I sold them all back to the Breasted Gorilla and William Shatner Mask Company of Worcester, Massachusetts. Please don't make me say it again."
"Then have some gum. It's good for you. I picked it up in Burma from a famous pogo stick explorer. He claims it will improve your disposition up to 80%."
"What is wrong with my disposition? You've never complained before."
"You've just been a little flat lately, that's all."
Taking the years supply of B2up Bust-up bubblegum I saw the rusty razor blade looking lonely by itself in the large, otherwise empty box.
"What's the razor for? And why are you staring at my chest?"
Dr. Felix takes another monster-sized bite from a blue-green, slightly luminescent portion of the pizza.
"Aren't you testy today? If you must know, I have no idea where that razor came from. Someone here at the sanitarium must have slipped it into the package while I was busy with..."
Just at that moment Dr. Felix began to choke. I quickly stepped behind him and performed the Heimlich maneuver. With the thumb side of my fist placed between his ribcage and navel I applied several rapid, upwards thrusts almost lifting him off the floor each time. With explosive force a nasty wad of pepperoniesque matter was ejected from his esophagus. It sailed across the room in a smooth arc and landed in a pile of old paint tubes.
With exasperation and a hint of fluttering in his voice Dr. Felix said "Oh, thank you. That was exhilerating! If I ever choke on anything again I hope your around. You saved my life."
I wasn't impressed. Focusing my curiousity on the expelled object I sifted through the pile of paint tubes.

What did I find?

zoobyshoe

May3-05, 01:19 AM

What did I find?
The object was clearly mineral: white, hard, sharp edged. I observed a hole through the center and then it hit me: it was a small piece of a porcelain bathroom sink, the part around the porcelator.

I held it up to him, "Piece of bathroom sink".

"IT'S CALLED PICA!!!" Felix suddenly shouted, red faced and humiliated. "IT'S AN AUTHENTIC MEDICAL CONDITION!!! I CAN"T HELP IT! I AM COMPELLED TO EAT NON-FOOD OBJECTS AND SUBSTANCES!!!"

This alarmed me because, with the Leonard Nimoy mask over his head, the general impression created was of Spock during the Pohn Fahr. I quickly flipped my communicator open and said, quietly but urgently "Security to the bridge". I bent down slowly, never taking my eyes off him, picked up the cardboard box and, with steady, firm gaze, held it out to him.

He fell upon it savagely, mauling and ripping, stuffing piece after piece of corregated bliss into his mouth hole, moaning and swallowing and emiting sucking noises.

The security team arrived just in time. He was finishing up on the box and had started to eyeball me. "Take him to sick bay," I said dryly, trying to hide my disgust with his degraded state of mind.

As the security team strongarmed him out of my quarters, he twisted his hunger-distorted face back to me and shrieked: "THAT BOOK: TO SERVE MAN, IT'S A COOK BOOK!!!

What do you suppose ever became of Dr. Felix?

Huckleberry

May3-05, 02:48 AM

What do you suppose ever became of Dr. Felix?

Oh, he didn't go far. He was placed in the cell right next door. At first the wild gargling and slurping sounds kept me awake all night. For weeks on end this continued. I found myself sitting by the bars chewing on the tasty rose flavored bust-up bubblegum, listening. My disposition improved 80% and I began to feel sympathy for this poor man and his pon farr ululation. It was appealing and perhaps even erotic. We held hands through the cell bars and he would nibble my fingers until they were all gone. Then one day, after eating all the non-food items in his quarters, including the bathroom toilet and all the light fixtures, the security guards came one last time. Stretched out between the leading pair of guards was the dreaded red shirt, inevitable doom for all those who don it. Tears rolled down my face, but nobody would ever see them underneath this ever-smiling William Shatner mask. Finally, I understand how William Shatner must really feel. That was the last I ever heard from Dr. Felix

With all this extra time to ponder I began to recall memories from the past. Last Halloween I accepted a dare from a drinking buddy of mine that I would spend the night in a nearby haunted house. I've never been one to believe in ghosts, but I must say that I was afraid. A few hours after dark it seemed like every creak came from a phantom footfall. Every breeze was a tortured soul moaning in lamentation. I felt as if I was being watched and every time I turned around to look behind me I thought I might see an ectoplasmic form in some dreadful visage tailor made to my innermost fears. I found I had to keep reminding myself that these things aren't real, but the cold sweat covering my body convinced me otherwise. I knew I shouldn't have watched those Love Boat reruns the night before. To calm myself I began to think that if I was blind then the darkness wouldn't be so frightening. Then I wondered...

Can a blind person be afraid of ghosts?

zoobyshoe

May3-05, 04:06 AM

Can a blind person be afraid of ghosts?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because just this morning, as I was tidying up, pulling old bird wings and apple cores out of the shower drain, I became sensible of a peculiar tapping noise behind me. Whirling around, I was amazed to see a white, misty figure in sunglasses emerge slowly from the wall, preceeded by the tactile experiments of his white cane. As he passed in front of me toward the opposite wall I became aware he was muttering comfortingly to himself, something that sounded like: "I ain't afraid o' ghosts...I ain't afraid..."

Recently, when I was comfortably napping between some branches toward the top of a large ironwood tree in Ithaca, New York, USA, having superglued myself to the trunk so I wouldn't fall out if I dozed completely off, my thoughts began to drift back to my old girlfriend, Miss Sally O'Malley, and her heartbreaking struggle with a rare disorder that nearly tore her life to pieces on a daily basis.

One day when I was gazing at her lovely face, entranced, I slowly became aware in the periphery of my consciousness that all was not well. Concentrating, I scanned her more closely. Realization began to dawn, darkly, in the sewers of the math lobe of my poor zoobie brain. A lump formed in my throat, and I gasped, and feverishly began to count again. But it was no use. I had to face the shocking truth: she had three more pores on the left side of her face than the right!!. SCHLONNHEGGER'S SYNDROME!!!

For days afterward I secretly crept away to hours of surreptitious research in medical libraries, and on the net. I made anonymous calls to liscenced physicians, Schlonnhegger's support groups, support groups for the families and friends of Schlonnhegger's sufferers. Would her offspring be at risk? Could an employer legally dismiss her for the condition? Was surgical correction a possibility? Was there ever a spontanous remission? I must have read Coping With Schlonnhegger's: A Guide For Loved Ones front to back 50 times during that grim period.

Schlonnhegger's Syndrome: asymetry in the number of pores of the facial derma

It sounded so clinical, matter-of-fact. No sence of the devestating personal repercussions and social stigma.

But I knew if it were true love, and it was, I'd stick by her through the mockery, alienation, and medical expenses.

The day was soon approaching when I would tell her I knew, that I'd counted. I was in dread, though. What if she were in denial, as so many Schlonnhegger's sufferers are, making excuses about errant crumbs on their face or stray bits of apple core picked up while cleaning shower drains. The suspence was suffocating me.

To clear my mind before broaching the subject I took a plane to Albany, New York, USA, and a shuttle bus from there to the Cornell Campus thinking I might run into my old room mate from my post-graduate days there. Locating the trench behind the utility shed, behind the little Museum of Polish Aviation where he always slept, I saw his shopping cart, but he was nowhere to be found. To kill time untill his return I ambled away into the woods, roaming in a kind of foggy shock untill I happened to notice a very comfortable looking ironwood tree. In a moment I was halfway to the top, thanking God I'd brought superglue.

Dozing there, my face to the sky, I was disturbed suddenly by a sharp excess of photons whose source wasn't immediately apparent. Peering into the branch above me, I made out the glint of sunlight off metal. I reached up with my long zoobie arm, grabbed the object, and brought it down for inspection: a tube of artists oil paint. Color: Weird Purple.

How did that get there?

Huckleberry

May4-05, 03:21 AM

As everyone knows, tubes of 'weird purple' grow naturally on the ironwood trees of Ithaca NY. Over 200 million years ago, in the Triassic period of the Mesozoic era, all the modern day continents were formed into one land mass known as Pangea. Pangea was inhabited by the ferocious Barney dinosaurs. They resembled over-sized pigs with their bloated bodies and frumpy, jowled faces. Underneath their several layers of mouthy pudge was a cavernous, salivating maw concealing slatherous, obtuse, bony appendages used for masticating little children into a tasty grisle.

The Barney dinosaurs ruled the continent and were solely responsible for keeping the human race from populating the planet. Humanity was destroyed several times during the early mesozoic era. Humanity first evolved from small sideways flying housecats. Unfortunately the sideways flying humans couldn't see where they were going and often collided with the ironwood trees. The Barney dinosaurs quickly gathered them up and impaled them on sharp bamboo poles with fern umbrellas to decorate their cocktails.

The next wave of humanity evolved from wood eating cockroaches that burrowed into the ground and consumed the roots of the ironwood trees. Their continued survival seemed likely for some time. Then one human cockroach developed a chemical religion. By mixing certain pheremones and other bodily fluids and spitting the sweet smelling concoction in a fine mist upon the faces of other cockroaches they lost all sense of self identity and began to think with one mind. Unfortunately that mind was mentally unstable and it heard a voice. After millenia the meaning of the voice was finally deciphered and this is what the voice had said... "Hey Art, man bugs taste good." The human cockroaches perceived this as divine will and cannibalised themselves into an aesthetic extinction.

The last known rise of humanity before the present were the mysterious zoobies. Little is known about the zooby civilization. At one time it is believed they built homes in the high branches of the ironwood trees where the stumpy little claws of the Barney dinosaurs could not reach. They lived peacefully until one particularly unintelligent zooby decided to ignite his flatulent gases with a Bic lighter. (Bic has been around forever.) His home was burned to the ground and the conflageration spread like a contagion to all of the other houses. With no place to live the peaceful, funloving Zoobies were easy prey for the gluttonous Barneys. Nothing was ever heard of from the Zoobies after that day, but some believe they still exist in rural woodlands and mountainous regions throughout the world today. If they do exist then they hide very well and do not use fire or build homes and avoid all contact with other species in fear of the Barneys.

The Barneys nearly became extinct one day. One Barney survived and his name was Barney. While out hunting for Zoobies, Barney got his head stuck in a hollow ironwood log. For days his parents searched for him. A compassionate Zooby took pity on Barney and released him. Barney quickly masticated him and his family and converted them into pudge. He then began to search for home. The continents drifted apart and a massive meteor annihilated all the Barneys.

The place where Barneys died is now Ithaca NY. The chemicals from the man-bugs reacted with the decaying Barney matter to make a 'weird purple'. The trees adapted to the Barney fungus and continue to grow it to this day.

What happened to the last Barney?

zoobyshoe

May4-05, 05:25 AM

What happened to the last Barney?
The last Barney went into law and from there into politics and did extremely well for himself, first becoming a Senator for the state of Indiana and then serving a term as Vice President under George Herbert Walker Bush, from 1989 to 1993.

Speaking of presidents, you may or may not remember that mysterious two weeks early in the Clinton administration when President Clinton seemed to be shunning all public appearances, and was neither photographed nor videotaped. A new book by an anonymous White House insider, The Strange Disappearance of William Jefferson Clinton claims to be the true behind the scenes account of the period that had white house staffers in a quiet frenzy, and White House PR people sweating bricks.

It seems that Clinton went into a severe depression after his election, deciding he didn't deserve it, that he was "no Jack Kennedy". He ordered the CIA to find, groom, and install a double while he, the real Clinton, slipped away to sea on an exact replica of Kennedy's PT 109, to look for Japanese submarines to confront in a demonstration of his manhood.

It isn't as silly as it sounds. As President he was privy to information the rest of us are not, and part of what he learned after taking office, is that no fewer than 7 WWII Japanese subs are still cruising the Pacific, having refused to surrender after the war, picking off shipping and private yachts.

Unbeknownst to almost all involved, a secret cell of scientists within the DOD had been experimenting with controling the US media by kidnapping journalists and implanting thought-insertion micro-processers into their brains. During the first news conference with the Clinton Double, one of these micro-processers went brezerk inside a reporter's head and he rushed the ersatz president before anyone could tackle him, and knocked the actor down, frightening him so badly that an undiagnosed heart condition he had flared up and he died within the hour.

Now the rest of the reporters had to be forcibly sequestered to prevent them from reporting that the president was dead, because, of course, he wasn't. At the same time, certain elements in the CIA were wishing he were. Surreptitious discussions took place. Several innocent looking fishing boats suddenly left the B Street pier of San Diego Harbor.

Two days later, Captain Ini Minimoto, of the Imperial Submarine "Divine Cloud", spotted two small boats through the eyepiece of his periscope. "Ichino ingiwa", he grunted to the 87 year old first mate. Suspended in the air in front of him appeared the words "Down periscope" in white lettering. "Ichino ingiwa" rasped the white haired first mate. The words "Yes, sir!" manifested from nowhere, hovering above the deck of the sub.

"Ichino ingiwa", Minimoto added, almost as an afterthought. And there it was again: "Load torpedo #1".

On the deck of the "fishing boat" a pair of high powered binoculars was trained on the plywood anachronism 500 yards away. "A bit closer, please" said the NOC to the man at the wheel, as he daintily opened the case with the letters RPG stenciled on the side.

Just then the fishing boat lifted from the water and burst into pieces amidst a flame storm before anyone aboard could even cry out.

Long shot: random, smoking debris.

Cut to: the Divine Cloud breaking the surface. It slowly starts moving toward the wreckage. A hunched, white haird figure on it's deck holds a rising sun flag.

The engine of the PT boat roars to life!

Close up: Captain Minimoto's face. He turns, alarmed, toward the engine sound. His jaw drops. He begins to shout frantically down the hatch: "ICHINO INGIWA!!! ICHINO INGIWA!!! ICHINO INGIWA!!!" :"DIVE!!! DIVE!!! DIVE!!!

Cut to:

PT Boat wheelhouse, Close up: William Jefferson Clinton. Eyes narrowed with determination.

("You know", Clinton admitted to an aid when he got back to Washington, "I couldn't decide whether to say `Smile, you bastard.' `You magnificent bastard! I read your book!' or "Do you feel lucky, punk?'")

Cut to: wide shot of the Divine Cloud. PT 109 appears from the left at very high speed, rams into the sub, cuts it in half, and continues off right.

Roiling water. Captain Minimoto breaches, comically tangled in the Japanese flag. Don't worry, he's OK.

Close up: Clinton peering back over his shoulder at the wreckage. He smiles gently. "I am a Jack Kennedy. I am."

Roll credits.

Read any good books lately?

Math Is Hard

May4-05, 07:25 PM

Read any good books lately? I've read very few good books lately, but this morning I was reminded of a story that was read to me when I was just a little tyke.

I remember once in kindergarten, this woman came to our class to read us a children's book she had written. She was a friend of our teacher, I think, and was hoping to get the book published.

The story went like this:
***
There was a little boy whose parents were going away on a very long trip. To help him pass the time, they gave him a box of crackers and told him to eat one cracker each day. When the box was empty they would be home again. They told him that it was very, very important that he obey the rules and ONLY eat one cracker per day or there would be a punishment.

So the parents went off on their trip. The little boy was very good the first two weeks, but in the third week he missed his parents terribly. He knew that when the last cracker was gone his parents would be home again so he longed to finish all the crackers. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore because he missed his parents so much. He gobbled up all the crackers at once and the box was empty. In an instant, the front door swung open and his parents were standing before him, suitcases in hand.

"Mommy! Daddy!" he cried. He was filled with such happiness to see his parents again. He jumped up and ran to them, hugging and kissing them both.

"Were you a good boy?" said the father, "Show me the box of crackers."
The boy hesitantly produced the empty box.

The father shook his head with grave dissapointment. The mother looked away sadly. "Because you have disobeyed us, you will never see us again."

And then the parents picked up their suitcases and walked away. He never saw them again.

***
My quetion is: do you think the nice lady who read us the story ever found a publisher for her book?

zoobyshoe

May4-05, 08:15 PM

My quetion is: do you think the nice lady who read us the story ever found a publisher for her book?
I'm surprised you didn't know:

She sold the story to Thomas Harris, who fleshed out the character of the little boy and followed his psychological development from the early childhood incident she sketched to it's logical conclusion as the character of Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs.

Anything else?

Huckleberry

May4-05, 09:37 PM

I never read a book. I don't know how to read. Edgar Cayce is my great uncle. He came to me in a dream one night and showed me how to understand books by osmosis while I sleep. At this very moment I'm asleep with my head resting against the monitor. Uncle Ed was just telling me the quetion of the life, universe, and everything.

Do you know what the quetion is?

Danger

May4-05, 09:41 PM

The positive form of a regular quet.

Do new version Volkswagon Beetles float?

BicycleTree

May4-05, 09:46 PM

All cars float, until they sink.

Are there any exceptions to this rule?

Huckleberry

May4-05, 11:26 PM

Yes.

Last Tuesday a group of 11 Cubans were found 10 miles from the Florida Keys floating in a 1950'2 era Buick. A man named Luis Grass Rodriguez converted the old buick into a boat. Generally Cuban immigrants are returned to Cuba if they fail to make it to shore. U.S. Representative Lincoln Diaz-Balart has asked the State Department to allow Grass and his family to remain in the United States. Unfortunately, the boat-car is no more. It sank after being machine gunned by the U.S. Coast Guard.

If ham comes from pigs then why does hamburger come from cows?

cronxeh

May4-05, 11:52 PM

because cows and pigs have a deal.

zoobyshoe

May5-05, 12:40 AM

because cows and pigs have a deal.
And.......?

cronxeh

May5-05, 12:49 AM

ham = pig
hamburger = cow

now how do you get from a pig to a cow ? you apply a burger to a pig

hence, you feed your pigs with burgers, feed the pig to a cow, and you end up with a cow-hamburger.

its really quite simple

Huckleberry

May5-05, 12:53 AM

Cronx, in this thread you are supposed to answer a stupid quetion with a stupid answer, then create a stupid quetion for someone else. You can't answer a quetion and not ask a quetion. Nor can you ask a quetion and then answer your own quetion without asking another.

Does that make sense?

cronxeh

May5-05, 12:54 AM

so what if i was to just say that what i would say would be said to satisfy this equation and make it true?

ah, but then you ask what equation, and i say well these two sentences, and this particular sentence is actually a statement, which negates the entire purpose of this thread and subsequently makes this post true

Huckleberry

May5-05, 01:06 AM

That's a mouthful indeed. And it was all done without once using the word quetion.
I would say in response to your quetion that the answer is most definitely, irrefutably, a number not greater than or less than by even an infinitesimal amount, but exactly equal to 42.

If I was my clothes twice a week and have a ball of lint the size of a baseball from each load, then why do I still have any clothes left after a year or two?

Math Is Hard

May5-05, 01:38 AM

If I was my clothes twice a week and have a ball of lint the size of a baseball from each load, then why do I still have any clothes left after a year or two?
I wouldn't be so cavalier about ignoring the law of lintropy if I were you. You're bound to get caught sooner or later.

While doing my own laundry, I was just reading about the strange incident which led Richard P. Chineyman to begin his investigations into Dark Light. It seems that during his grad school days, Chineyman lived in a cheap one-room apartment which he shared with several grad student room-mates. Chineyman was frequently criticized by his roomates for spending too long in the shower and using all the hot water. To teach him a lesson his roomates decided one evening to flip off the bathroom light and flush the toilet, leaving him helpless in the darkness and scalding hot water. However, it was at this moment that he observed his first evidence of Dark Light and he leapt from the shower tripping and shouting excitedly in his mother tongue.

Given that Chineyman always ended up paying the electric and water bills, why were his roomates such jerks ?

Moses

May5-05, 02:36 AM

becuase he turns the bathroom lights on and the kitchen tap off all the time, you know watermelones need to be flushed while bicycles gets really old and need some romance, those boys go jerks.

why some people hatse me when i put shoes on thier mouths?

Huckleberry

May5-05, 05:29 PM

Good quetion. I have no idea why people might be upset when you put shoes on their mouths. Its always the first thing I do when entertaining guests. I know the post man appreciates it. When he delivers the mail I give him a glass of lemonade and put a shoe on his mouth. It really clears up the sinuses and gets the blood flowing.

I did read something about a disease that can be spread by this friendly greeting custom. Foot and Mouth disease is a nasty, highly contagious virus that causes vesicles and erosions in the mouth. The teeth fall out and the gums shrivel up and a foul smelling puss constantly oozes. Its hard to get a date with toothless, oozing gums so the practice of putting shoes on people's mouths is vanishing as more people become informed of FMD.

My sister worked at a magazine in Hollywood several years ago. She had a contact at another magazine and they had a job opening for a video game tester. Knowing how much I like video games she convinced her contact to not select anyone for the position until she had asked me if I wanted the job. When she asked me I turned down the job because I would have to relocate to San Francisco and I was fairly happy with the prospects of my current job. I also was in the middle of a semester at school. Months later the company I was working for closed down 2 of the shifts that worked in that building and I was layed off.

My stupid quetion is...
Is playing video games a good way to make a living?

BicycleTree

May5-05, 08:00 PM

It depends on the video game. Like, playing pac-man for a living would be horrible.

Did pac-man ever get foot and mouth disease?

Huckleberry

May5-05, 08:53 PM

Did pac-man ever get foot and mouth disease?
Nope. The weird, purple jellyfish that he always ate didn't have any feet. PacMan didn't have any feet either. He lived in a 2-dimensional, footless, electronic universe.

There is this teenage girl in Russia that has an unusual visual ability. She can look into the human body with more clarity than an ultrasound. She can then diagnose all sorts of illnesses. This ability manifested itself after she had her appendix removed. Her ability only works in the daytime and she can use it to look into the bodies of people from their photographs as well. She also has the ability to withstand all but the coldest of temperatures of her homeland with no discomfort or permanent injury.
Professor Yoshio Machi verifies her talent..."She was able to look at them and apparently see what the problem was. Her ability is not x-ray vision, but she definitely has some kind of talent that we can't explain yet." Professor Machi of Tokyo University specializes in studying superhuman powers in human beings.

Why didn't I get any super powers when my appendix was removed?

Danger

May6-05, 01:10 AM

Maybe they missed your appendix and took your glossary instead.

Does Stealth have to be so ugly?

Huckleberry

May6-05, 08:06 PM

Does Stealth have to be so ugly?It does if you are trying to be stealthy on a septigenarian nudist colony during a game of volleyball.

I'm currently reading a children's book about Gary Ganoosh and his magical laser pointer. His parents bought him a laser pointer with a shiny aluminum belt clip from a carnival clown. The clown whispered very special instructions to Gary. Following the clown's instructions Gary attached a ten ohm resistor in series with the batteries. He then coupled a sound signal across the resistor through a 100uf capacitor from his deceased grandfather's hearing aid. Finally gary put a sheet of wadded up metal foil under the clip.

When Gary turned on the laser pointer he heard an electric hum. The light flickered and sputtered like a 1000 watt candle and suddenly coalesced in front of him as the radiant image of his grandfather. In a scratchy, static voice his Grandfather spoke to him...

That's as far as I got in the book so far. Some of the pages are missing.
Does anyone know what the grandfather said?

Math Is Hard

May8-05, 09:58 PM

That's as far as I got in the book so far. Some of the pages are missing.
Does anyone know what the grandfather said?
Yes, it was a silly little poem his grandfather wrote for him:

There once was a lad named Gary,
Who really liked his job at the dairy,
How his heart would flutter,
When kneading an udder,
But the cows, they grew a bit wary.

I'm actually missing the last five pages from the book. Do you remember what happened at the end of the story when the carnival clown started showing up at Gary's window late at night?

Huckleberry

May8-05, 11:15 PM

Oh, I have those pages. Let me see...

The carnival clown was only a carnival clown by day. He would invent all sorts of magical devices from ordinary everyday items. The ideas for his inventions always came to him in the morning. He would spend the rest of the day telling children about his inventions. Along with the laser pointer poetry spectralgraph he also invented the swirling toilet dimensional vortex for getting to school quickly, the infinite vision mirror that shows you the back of your own head from across the universe, the cubist's 4d carboard box as luxury apartments for homeless people, and the upsidedownatron which really didn't do anything except spill drinks on people.

What the carnival clown didn't know is that at night he became a giant, scary, ectoplasmic apparition formed somewhat like Ron popeil with red, glowing eyes. He would then seek out poets and storytellers around the world and look at them through their windows. If they did not entertain him he threatened them with bad grammar and cat mating sounds. He used their creativity and using his psychic energies transformed it into new inventions that he would remember upon waking.

The story ends when Gary's grandfather tells him the secret of the Ganoosh family.
Oh wait. I'm missing the very last page.

Does anyone know the secret of the Ganoosh family and the end of the story?

Moonbear

May9-05, 05:15 AM

Does anyone know the secret of the Ganoosh family and the end of the story?

His great great great grandfather, Ali, immigrated from a tiny, virtually unknown country, Mirrorland. He married and after many years of great enjoyment, realized he and his wife were infertile. They sought out the help of the very wise Baba Ramalamadingdong, who provided them with two clones. The first they named in honor of the person who aided them to bring these precious clones into the world, Baba Ganoosh, Gary's great-grandfather, and his sister Tabouleh. The only sign that they were clones rather than children conceived in the normal way was the unusual tabby coloration down their backs. But they were purrrrfectly normal in every other way.

The moral of the story is:

Darn, it looks like someone spilled something on my copy of the book and the last line is illegible. What was the moral of the story?

Huckleberry

May10-05, 02:13 AM

What was the moral of the story?The moral of the story is to keep all the pages INSIDE the book. Or it could be, don't clone people from cat livers.

The aftermath of the story...
After the law prohibiting foreign born citizens to run for presidential office was repealed Baba Ramalamadingdong won the election against Arnold Schwartzeneger in a landslide victory. It really was a landslide victory. Schwartzeneger was buried under ten feet of mud while driving down I5 during a heavy rain storm. He immediately declared Mirrorland to be the capital of the world.

One day sitting in his fun house palace of mirrors and watching the news late at night with his girlfriend the emergency broadcast signal interrupted his program. He assumed it was another test and quickly hit the mute button so as not to wake his wife. Then he averted his eyes because of an extreme allergy to the QVC channel that always managed to appear before the station returned to its regularly scheduled programming. By doing so he missed some important news.

What important news did President Baba Ramalamadingdong miss?

zoobyshoe

May10-05, 08:48 AM

What important news did President Baba Ramalamadingdong miss?
An FBI spokesman had alerted the major networks and news services to a break in the ongoing standoff between Black Triangle/White Stripe UFO/Skunk cult members and the FBI negotiator assigned to the case. Hold up in an outhouse on a rural property outside of Hope, Idaho, USA, an unknown number of cult members were holding two baby skunks hostage, and were threatening to release them in the direction of the nearest FBI sniper, on his belly in the grass about 20 yards away. Negotiations had been bogged down from the start when it became clear the cult leaders didn't understand that the FBI wanted the release of the hostages. All attempts to explain this to the cult leader via cell phone conversation had been thwarted by his sudden bursting into a rage and screaming "WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE LIVING IN A POST APOCOLYPTIC WASTELAND HALLUCINATING THAT YOU'RE NOT!!!!" In less exited moments the cult leader seemed disoriented, and frequently tried to persuade the FBI negotiator to purchase a flashlight, or flashlight radio combination. During these times, the FBI spokesman said, the voice of a second cult member could be heard in the background saying "Buy one! You don't know what these little guys'll do to ya if you're caught out in the dark without a light!"
The break came in the form of a request for "...some cat food or something for the skunks." "Concern for the hostages is an excellent sign," the unidentified FBI negotiator said, There's some Stockholming taking place, which makes it less and less likely they'll hurt them."

Recently, when I was on my way out to check the bowl of cat food I leave out for stray kitties, I observed it to be nearly empty. Picking it up to bring it in and fill it, I discovered to my great alarm that the bowl was occupied by a small, but very talented, octopus, who had reconfigured the pigmentation of his skin to look like a thin layer of standard, commercially produced dry cat food (I won't mention any brand names).

What should I do with it?

Huckleberry

May11-05, 07:51 PM

I think you should name it shooby and hang it from your vehicle's rear view mirror. It could hang there by two of it's tentacles and swing all day and practice blending into things as you drive down the road. I think it has been eating the stray cats in your neighborhood, so just leave your door open a crack at night and it should be fine.

Does octopus ink come out of carpeting?

Math Is Hard

May12-05, 12:16 AM

Does octopus ink come out of carpeting?
Indeed, it does. But it took me much experimentation to find the right combination of baking soda, clam juice, limburger cheese, and vinegar to lift it from the fibers.

It all came about during the summer I spent off the Galapagos Islands exploring Michel Cousteau. One night he said to me over dinner, "je m'en fiche!" Being very new to French at the time, I thought he was telling me that he wanted me to tie him to the bed and place many small stinging jellyfish on his naked limbs while I paraded around the room in an Edith Piaf mask slinging a large, loaded, ink-spewing octopus to-and-fro while singing "Inky, Dinky, Parlay Voo".

My French has gotten better since my days with Michel, but what I never understood was, what does it mean when they say "Cherchez le fromage"?

zoobyshoe

May12-05, 06:50 AM

My French has gotten better since my days with Michel, but what I never understood was, what does it mean when they say "Cherchez le fromage"?
I would much prefer you anser your own quetion because I am dazzled by where your mind goes when prompted by a snippet of ambiguous French. However, facts are facts, and the facts behind the admonition "Cherchez le frommage" are these: it is a reference to the philosophical, metaphysical, and scientific guideline Occam's Cheese Knife. This tells us that whenever confronted with unexplained phenomena the first quetion to ask is "Who cut the cheese?" ("Qui a' coupé le frommage?")

Recently I opened the door in response to the doorbell to be startled by the insane, angry red face of the neighborhood letter carrier.

"There's an OCTOPUS in your mailbox!"

Indeed, the curious little thing has been getting into and onto everything. Is there anything as surprising as going at your keyboard only to feel the soft, rubbery recoil of an octopus who's nap you've disturbed?

cronxeh

May13-05, 02:33 AM

Moonbear + Moonbeer = Moon(bear+beer) ??

Math Is Hard

May13-05, 02:56 AM

Is there anything as surprising as going at your keyboard only to feel the soft, rubbery recoil of an octopus who's nap you've disturbed?
I was almost this surprised once. I reached out to pet my octopus and was greeted by the startled indignation of a sentient and semi-ambulatory computer keyboard.

What do you call an octopus with nine tentacles?

plover

May13-05, 08:00 AM

What do you call an octopus with nine tentacles?
Well, many programmers would call it ++octopus (not octopus++ which is a term for the attempt to create a nine-tentacled octopus, which, while it does eject a nine-tentacled octopus into a parallel dimension, just leaves with you an ordinary eight-tentacled one; it might be possible to retrieve the 9t-o if you could get the 8t-o to tell you its name, but the 8t-o always claims to have forgotten it – many believe that this is the reason for that venerable saw: "sooner try to get a manatee to tell you its shoe size than an octopus to tell you its name"), but programmers are very silly people who are often found sitting around reading manatee shoe catalogs so I don't think we should listen to them, but, instead, should harken to the Elizabethan poets, who would wander about the English countryside calling "Hey nonny nonny" in transparent attempts to lure the elusive nine-tentaclers from their hiding places in various mews and ha-has (and once an Elizabethan poet was spotted wandering about the countryside mewing with here and there an interjected "haha!" – but nobody could figure out what he was looking for), and while your average pus-o'-nine-legs is a bit tougher to whistle up than a barnyard tabby, evidence that these intrepid wordsmiths had at least some success is adduced from a variant version of Shakespeare's Othello, which has Iago saying at I.i.116-7:
I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter
and the Moor are now making the beast with nine tentacles.
There is also a rumor that Linnaeus wanted to include these enneadic octopodes in his classification system as "Tritripus tritripus", but neglected to complete this entry when his wife said to him: 'Oh Carolus, tri tri again?'

It is feared that these decapods manqué quickly became extinct once chefs in England discovered that they could serve them in place of plum pudding and nobody knew the difference, or, at least, nobody ever said so.

I've been trying to get an octopus to take up residence in my email mailbox, but my ISP keeps complaining about the damp. In case I'm ever successful, do you know if octopus work well as spam filters?

zoobyshoe

May13-05, 11:19 AM

I've been trying to get an octopus to take up residence in my email mailbox, but my ISP keeps complaining about the damp. In case I'm ever successful, do you know if octopus work well as spam filters?
I don't know, no, and two hours of googling has demonstrated to me the unpredictable nature of man's curiosity, for while the pressing spam/octopus quetion remains unexplored, yet we have sent men to the moon. There is nothing of interest on the moon. We can determine that by common tarot card reading. Why go there (it's a very long trip) to confirm what we know? What's wrong with ouija board confirmation? Do not anser those quetions: they are rhesterical. People do not behave rationaly. Some don't spell well. Others don't smell well. Spam is the devil. Our only hope is the octopus in the machine.

How many lives does a pus-o'-nine-legs have?

Math Is Hard

May15-05, 02:35 AM

How many lives does a pus-o'-nine-legs have?
I believe an exact number cannot be determined (if I recall what I have read from historical English rhymes correctly). For example, this one:

Many lives has the pus-o'-nine,
Said that old scholar Thom-Aquine,
Baker, butcher, fishwife, bum,
Do not forget the pudding plum!

Not 9 nine lives like a cat has he,
But at least one more than a hundred and three!

On another subject, I was working on a mnemonic this morning to help pre-school children memorize the letters of the alphabet. I got this far:
Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis.

Can anyone help me go further with this?

zoobyshoe

May15-05, 03:25 AM

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis.

Can anyone help me go further with this?
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene

Anyone?

plover

May15-05, 03:45 AM

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene [zooby]

Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers

Anyone else?

icvotria

May15-05, 05:04 PM

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene [zooby]

Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers

Anyone else?
Morbid Narcissism Offending Peers...

And for Q, R, S and T?

Danger

May15-05, 05:06 PM

And for Q, R, S and T?
Quite rightly, so they...

Next....?

plover

May16-05, 06:56 PM

Annabelle's Botox Caused Dermatitis – [MIH]
Effectively Flouting Good Hygiene, [zooby]
Irreparably Junking Keratin Layers, [plover]
Morbid Narcissism Offending Peers [icvotria]
Quite Rightly – So They [Danger]

Urged Vigorous Washing, Xenophobically Yelling: "Zits!"

or:

Annabelle's botox caused dermatitis – effectively flouting good hygiene, irreparably junking keratin layers, morbid narcissism offending peers quite rightly – so they urged vigorous washing, xenophobically yelling: "Zits!"

One might ask why they were yelling that, but we'll never know.

So now how do we convince children to walk around saying this to everybody?

Math Is Hard

May17-05, 01:05 AM

So now how do we convince children to walk around saying this to everybody?
I suppose we should set it to a catchy tune like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" --or maybe "Baa Baa Black Sheep Have You Any Wool" would be better. It's bound to be a hit!

I think we should put this song on an edu-tainment CD ROM along with an animated version of "Gary Ganoush and His Magical Laser Pointer". I also have an interactive learning game to include called "MATH! Make Up Your Own Rules!"
Any other educational ideas I should include for the kiddies?

Danger

May17-05, 01:14 AM

Any other educational ideas I should include for the kiddies?
Stink bombs for fun and profit.

What's the minimum age to buy plutonium?

Huckleberry

May17-05, 01:30 AM

Somewhere near a half-life crisis.

If ten men can dig ten holes in 6 minutes, then how many holes can 4 men dig before I get out the frontdoor with my shotgun and give em what for, for digging in my lawn?

zoobyshoe

May17-05, 01:36 AM

If ten men can dig ten holes in 6 minutes, then how many holes can 4 men dig before I get out the frontdoor with my shotgun and give em what for, for digging in my lawn?
I'm thinking if you shot a golfball at them a hole-in-one might result.

Why isn't golf played by shooting the balls from shotguns?

Danger

May17-05, 01:48 AM

Why isn't golf played by shooting the balls from shotguns?
They are, but only during gopher-hunting season.

If pie are squared, what shape is a cake supposed to be?

zoobyshoe

May17-05, 01:54 AM

If pie are squared, what shape is a cake supposed to be?
Cake are supposed to be eaten-in-two (chewed through the center) after shooting a hole-in-one with a golf ball. I wouldn't call the result a "shape" exactly.

Did you know that cake are actually a liquid, and that if you make a stained glass window from pieces of cake, the panes will be sweeter at the bottom than the tops after a few centuries?

Math Is Hard

May20-05, 03:23 AM

Ivan Seeking

May20-05, 03:30 AM

Sweeter panes? Panes r never sweet - at least not any that I have known.

I have many panes from my wisdom teeth and will soon have all four of them pulled out. How much more stupider will I be when I lose all four of my wisdom teeth?

One test of wisdom is in knowing when to let go of your teeth.

If the last set are the wisdom teeth, what is the next set of teeth called?

Danger

May20-05, 03:37 AM

If the last set are the wisdom teeth, what is the next set of teeth called?
The ex's lawyer.

Is she called an 'x' because you're wondering 'y' you married her?

Dr.Brain

May20-05, 04:00 AM

I married her because I have lost all my wisdom teeth and I assume someday i can steal hers...

How does your height of stupidity measured if you posted 500 replies in this threaD?

zoobyshoe

May20-05, 11:59 AM

How does your height of stupidity measured if you posted 500 replies in this threaD?
Excellent quetion. First let me point out that stupidity is a one-dimensional entity having only a z-component: no one has ever discovered a length, width, or time of stupidity, only a height of stupidity. And so, if we want to analyze this with any scientific rigor, and we do, we must first 1. determine the best arbitrary unit of height for our purposes, and then, 2. determine if one stupid anser, or stupid quetion, automatically equals one unit of the height of stupidity, or if, perhaps, there are more subtle considerations. This could be the most important hammering out of a new physics since Copenhagen.

Any thoughts?

Ivan Seeking

May21-05, 03:03 AM

Copenhagen leaves many physicists with a bad taste in their mouth. But if we are to chew on Copenhagen, then we have to consider Huberts Equivocation Principle; which states that the knowledge of the height of stupidity is limited by our knowledge of the eigenvalue of the complement of the afore mentioned to be discussed later. So we also need the unit leap of faith.

zoobyshoe

May21-05, 08:59 AM

What, no quetion?

Ivan Seeking

May21-05, 02:16 PM

It was implicit: What is the unit leap of faith?

plover

May21-05, 09:43 PM

What is the unit leap of faith?
No useful data has been collected yet that would provide a suitable standard, as when researchers whose models underestimate this quantity make their leap, they generally end up falling into abysses of relativism, never to be seen again, while when those whose models overestimate the quantity leap, they often end up as Scientologists or Kansas school board members or some such, and thus are also never seen again.

What would happen if the Kansas school board were asked to study the problem?

zoobyshoe

May21-05, 10:13 PM

What would happen if the Kansas school board were asked to study the problem?
We, in this thread, will never know: once here, you're not in Kansas anymore.

On a recent outing to visit Former US President William Jefferson Clinton's WWII PT boat, I happened to encounter a three-quarter-sized Stradivarius cello in some trash in an ally and stopped to scratch out a patriotic tune for the occasion. A passerby stopped and began to sing. A cat, overhead on a fire escape, began playing bongos. From an open window across the ally, I heard the jazzy wail of a tenor saxophone. Three street waifs appeared from around the corner and began tap dancing. Several paratroopers dressed as J. Edgar Hoover in drag floated down from the sky, landed, and began swing dancing.

What do you suppose happened next?

Danger

May22-05, 01:04 AM

We, in this thread, will never know: once here, you're not in Kansas anymore. What do you suppose happened next?
You awoke in the detox clinic.

What is the largest officially recorded breast size (for women)?

Dr.Brain

May22-05, 04:33 AM

Ok thats easy...A women was known whose breast size followed "pulsating theory", It showed SHM motion,At max amplitude it was BIG and at zero amplitude the lady becomes a man...and at negative amplitude, the back of the women had breasts!...so the source of the problem has not yet been known but the equation for this SHM breast size is given by:

y=Asinwt

WHat is common between Jackie Chan and Albert Einstein?

Danger

May22-05, 04:50 AM

WHat is common between Jackie Chan and Albert Einstein?
Joan Collins (but Jackie will never admit to it).

Why is 3?

Ivan Seeking

May22-05, 05:26 AM

Why is 3?

Because two can be as bad as one. It's the loneliest number since the number one.

So was that other song, "help me Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart", or "help me eat her out in my car"? I could never quite tell for sure.

zoobyshoe

May22-05, 09:15 AM

So was that other song, "help me Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart", or "help me eat her out in my car"? I could never quite tell for sure.
Sandra Benderover's 1969 classic book, Occult Erotic Allusions In Popular and Folk Music of the 19th and 20th Centuries lists your second choice as a common. but erroneous, mishearing of the actual lyrics: "Help me geeter out o' my art." To "geeter out o' one's art" was a short lived slang term for an equally short lived sexual fad that consisted of performing sex in front of any available alligator (geeter) while also drawing, painting, or rendering in charcoal ("my art"), a sexual practise rumored, in the traditional myth, to have been started by LSD crazed artist, R. Crumb. The naive Beach Boys commandeered the phrase for their song, while, at the same time, having no idea what it meant, in the hope of sounding "hip" and "in the know," in the same way they threw surfing terms into their lyrics without ever having surfed themselves. One of the Wilson boys later confessed, "I just thought `geeter out o' my art' meant,`whack off' or `tickle the pickle' or something. I didn't know it was perverted." Another one of the band said "Rhonda, yeah. That was the song where we learned not just to repeat anything we heard. We were just kids back then."

Speaking of song lyrics, is it "There's a bad moon on the rise," "There's a bathroom on the right." or...what?

Ivan Seeking

May22-05, 04:54 PM

There's a bad moon on the rise, and a bathroom on the right, can be complementary statements - from the verb, moon; or as a noun as in, "a full moon".

Is ellemmenno a letter? And what is ellemmenno pee?

Math Is Hard

May22-05, 05:15 PM

An ellemmenno is simply a cross between an elephant and a minnow. What's unique about ellemmennos is that as a defense mechanism they are able to turn backwards and eject urine at their enemies.

In the Victorian era, when animal oddities and sideshows were in vogue, there was an animal trainer who taught his ellemenno to demonstrate the defensive spraying behavior in response to a verbal command. Many people paid good money to see this ellemmenno pee on cue.

I always thought the song said "Vitus Gerulaitis, don't hit 'em too far away." and not "Big ol' jet airliner, don't carry me too far away." But apparently I'm not the only one who got this mixed up: http://www.amiright.com/misheard/song/jetairliner.shtml
Was Steve Miller deliberately trying to be confusing?

Huckleberry

May22-05, 06:51 PM

It is definitely "There's a bathroom on the right." The idear here is that it is impossible to leave a bathroom on the right if you are unable to make a left hand turn. So it is a reference to purgatory, which has often been compared to foreign unisex bathrooms.

Why exactly did 'Big ol' Jed have a light on?'

*grumble grumble.... nevermind*

zoobyshoe

May22-05, 07:01 PM

What.....?

zoobyshoe

May22-05, 07:25 PM

Was Steve Miller deliberately trying to be confusing?
No. The impulse behind that cryptic lyric was something much worse than the attempt to confuse. The singer was, in fact, speaking an ancient proto-egyptian language, saying "Beego jeh! Arro layeenah!" For those of you who are conversant with the various proto-egyptian dialects, I need only point out what will happen if you shift the stress on the first syllable to the second. We might translate the result, for polite company, as "Camel lover! You eat day old droppings!"

What, however, is to be made of: "Blinded by the light! Racked up like a douchen nana rollah ina night!"?

Math Is Hard

May24-05, 01:20 AM

Ah, yes, I remember that song .."It was Bryan's Friday night. Tacked up like a pushpin, butter roller in the night". This was a tribute to musician, Bryan Adams. I actually knew Bryan, back in the day, and I remember some of the details from when he recounted the whole experience to me. He said he got lost in SoCal in the WeHo district when he was accosted by a gang of young vandals who stapled him to a billboard over the 405 freeway, thus the "tacked up like a pushpin" reference.
Brian was pretty unintelligible back then, even in his most lucid moments, so I could never figure out the butter roller part.
Was he just making that up? Or is this some aspect of the WeHo experience that we should probably not question any further?

zoobyshoe

May24-05, 02:16 AM

Was he just making that up? Or is this some aspect of the WeHo experience that we should probably not question any further?
I think you've hit the pushpin on the head. As the man said to the other guy at the end of the movie: "Forget it, Jake. It's WeHo."

Why couldn't I just remember Buck Henry's name?

Danger

May24-05, 05:34 AM

Why couldn't I just remember Buck Henry's name?
Because despite his genius, he will forever live in Mel Brooks' shadow.

Why don't parrots fly north in winter?

Dr.Brain

May24-05, 12:27 PM

Because the Parrots are PhD in magnetism............
So.. they fly towards magnetic north pole which is opposite to the real north pole..

Why is Earth not perfectly round?

zoobyshoe

May24-05, 05:16 PM

Why is Earth not perfectly round?
Sheer laziness.

Speaking of posture, should not people's z axis be measured first thing in the morning in order to discover it at its maximun?

Huckleberry

May25-05, 01:27 AM

Don't flatter yourself.

Is there some unusual and unfortunate aspect of zooby physiology that I am not aware of?

zoobyshoe

May25-05, 01:32 AM

Is there some unusual and unfortunate aspect of zooby physiology that I am not aware of?
There is, yes, an aroma issue.

How could Mr. Finn twist my innocent quetion about height into such a double-entendre, and throw it back at me?

Anubis

May25-05, 01:04 PM

"it's all in the hip...it's all in the...."

why did they put the lime in the coke?

Danger

May25-05, 06:35 PM

The watermelon wouldn't fit.

If the plural of 'mouse' is 'mice', why isn't the plural of 'spouse' 'spice'?

brewnog

May25-05, 07:41 PM

Because the plural of 'house' would have to be 'hice', and 'grouse' 'grice'.

What are the actual rules for this thread?

zoobyshoe

May25-05, 08:48 PM

What are the actual rules for this thread?
Ya poot de laym in de ko-ko nut an' drink 'em bote togeddah, poot de laym in de ko-ko nut an' drink em bote up!

I'm thinking Sir Isaac Newty may have made an error when he assumed the existence of absolute spice. Was this the result of a misunderstanding of his regional accent?

Rabid

May29-05, 07:25 PM

Sir Isaac Newton didn't make an error. Einstein sold his soul to Satan in exchange for the power to change the laws of the universe.

When AI is developed and it takes over the world and make all humans slaves, what kinds of jobs will it make us do?

PeteSF

May30-05, 09:21 PM

We're already doing it - this thread is case study in BA (biological intelligence), and why it isn't.

If I say "mouses", "gooses", "sheeps", "persons", "octopods", and "radiuses", instead of "mice", "geese", "sheep", "people", "octopodes", and "radii", why do grammarians get their knickers in a twist?

zoobyshoe

May30-05, 11:05 PM

If I say "mouses", "gooses", "sheeps", "persons", "octopods", and "radiuses", instead of "mice", "geese", "sheep", "people", "octopodes", and "radii", why do grammarians get their knickers in a twist?
Those aren't grammarians, but members of the Twisted Knickers motorcycle/sexual fetish club, and it isn't your pluralisations attracting them, but the fact you mention so many of their favorite animals.

Two years ago I was hiking up a trail in the Adirondacs when one of my shoes was grabbed by something hiding beneath a bush at the side of the path. Quickly shouldering my bazooka, I replaced the bush with an empty crater. My foot was free, but I never found out what it was that had grabbed me. Any ideas?

Rabid

May30-05, 11:51 PM

Nike has clandestine sweat shops in the Adironacks. Obviously, it was a young Chinese girl who had dug a tunnel from under the hidden warehouse to get to freedom and save the others. Unfortunately, since she is now dead! So is all hope of her saving her twenty brothers and sisters from the slave operation and returning peace to the burial ground where the sweat shop is located.

If I could be any animal I wanted to be, what would I be and why?

zoobyshoe

May31-05, 12:00 AM

If I could be any animal I wanted to be, what would I be and why?
You would want to be a sheep or goose provided there was a chapter of the Twisted Knickers in the neighborhood.

Recently when I was scouting around the perimeter of Area 51 I came upon a wounded wild fried egg. Slipping the delicate creature into a box I took it home and have been nursing it back to health. It is healing up nicely, but how will I know when it is really ready to be released back into the wild?

caffeinstein

Jun2-05, 04:10 PM

WHat is common between Jackie Chan and Albert Einstein?

Simple.

Adam Sandler was initially rumoured to play Einstein's father berating his dumb kid in the Jackie Chan film, Around the World In 80 Days.

It's NOT a cooincidence that Chan, Einstein, & Reagan each have 6 letters in their first names.

And if that's not enough;
Jackie Chan was in Enter the Dragon (1973) with Keye Luke.

Keye Luke was in The Green Hornet, (1940) with Walter McGrail.

Walter McGrail was in Womanhood, The Glory of the Nation (1917) with Theodore Roosevelt.

Theodore Roosevelt was in Installation Ceremonies, Columbia University (1902) with Nicholas Murray Butler.

Nicholas Murray Butler was in World Leaders On Peace and Democracy (1939) with Albert Einstein who later predicted that Jackie Chan would NOT become the center of the entertainment universe, but Kevin Bacon would.

Einstein's Bacon prediction came true: Turkey Bacon is processed, smoked turkey meat cut into strips that resemble, but only barely function as, bacon. Thanks to Einstein all rent-a-cops have now been refered to as, "turkey bacon," For their similar function to police.

Why then is Knievel, Evel?

Mental Gridlock

Jun4-05, 01:11 PM

Because with so many hits to the head eventually he started getting jaded that death hadn't won yet so he declared himself Evel so that he could truly defy not only death but hell as well..

Where does the sun go when it's night?

caffeinstein

Jun4-05, 03:45 PM

Where does the sun go when it's night?

LMN-tree, sir, it goes down.

go 1 v. went, (wnt) gone, (gôn, gn) go·ing, goes (gz)
v. intr.
goes
go along
go around
go at

go down

To drop below the horizon; set: The moon went down.
To fall to the ground: The helicopter went down in a ball of fire.
To sink: The torpedoed battleship went down.
To experience defeat or ruin.
To decrease in cost or value.

or of course the significant and most logical answer:Vulgar Slang To perform fellatio or cunnilingus.

so now you know what happens when the sun goes down, yes?

what's the correct answer to "soup 'r salad?"

zoobyshoe

Jun5-05, 08:07 AM

what's the correct answer to "soup 'r salad?"
It's funny you should ask that quetion because it provides me with the opportunity to ignore it as you ignored mine back when mine was next to be adressed.

Recently when I was scouting around the perimeter of Area 51 I came upon a wounded wild fried egg. Slipping the delicate creature into a box I took it home and have been nursing it back to health. It is healing up nicely, but how will I know when it is really ready to be released back into the wild?

Danger

Jun5-05, 08:14 AM

It is healing up nicely, but how will I know when it is really ready to be released back into the wild?
Found, my ***! You are obviously a poacher. It will therefore be released back into the wild at the whim of your digestive system.

Okay, 'Blinded by the Light' is on the radio right now. So I must ask, what the hell is a scurly whirly?

Gokul43201

Jun5-05, 09:23 AM

Okay, 'Blinded by the Light' is on the radio right now. So I must ask, what the hell is a scurly whirly?'Curly-whirly' is the only legitimate word in the English language that rhymes with 'early-pearly'.

Isn't "Blinded..." way better than any rhyming dictionary you could get you hands on ?

caffeinstein

Jun5-05, 04:23 PM

It's funny you should ask that quetion because it provides me with the opportunity to ignore it as you ignored mine back when mine was next to be adressed.

Recently when I was scouting around the perimeter of Area 51 I came upon a wounded wild fried egg. Slipping the delicate creature into a box I took it home and have been nursing it back to health. It is healing up nicely, but how will I know when it is really ready to be released back into the wild?

Mucho mas sorry Senior Shoe. As the resident noob, I have the luxurious built-in excuse that I will now utilize just as political hacks spend political capital: "I didn't know any better." Now that I am excluded from using that excuse further, I will answer your question.

We are clearly dealing with numerology and Alphabetic harmonics here. I will prove how Danger was able to slice through your verbal distortion (exposing your poaching addiction) all while solving the Scurly Whirly question.

S is the 20th letter.
C is... 3rd
O 15th
U 22nd
T 21st This equals 81. you were walking the 'perimeter' of area 51, hence---

81/3.1415926535+51=76.783100781623978928113443909287 (ignore any miscalculations as irrelevant to the core matter.)

Now I notice in the quote above, in the first sentence you casually refrained from using the "S" in the word "question." Now, I'm a noob, but I still have observational skills, and it seems you have this affinity for missspeeling that particular word. Well, I can clearly dismiss this first "S." Thanks for that obvious clue.

What remains is "cout" which is, ironically, Galactic Standard for Tpl Rsaf, which is on PAGE 76.783100781623978928113443909287 of the G.S. Encyclopedia AND means "errrleepurrrlee" which is just a garden variety broomstick. Alas---Tpl Rsaf is the rub.

T ap the magazine
P ull the charging handle
L ook into the chamber for obstructions
R ealease the charging Handle
S trike the forward assist
A im
F ire

...which is the acronym used by the secret society of jarhead recruits to remember the proper Immediate Action excersized upon an M16A2 service rifle upon interruption in normal operation (commonly refered to as a JAM).

So now we know that not only do you poach wild fried eggs, but you use an errrleepurrrlee (aka "broomstick" or M16A2) which rhymes so well with Scurly Whirly it makes perfect sense. Special thanks here to Gokul43201.

Soup 'r Salad?

zoobyshoe

Jun5-05, 04:50 PM

That time you were supposed to anser Gokul's quetion.

caffeinstein

Jun6-05, 09:42 AM

Since my noob capital is spent I will act as my own defense attorney in this matter:

Originally Posted by brewnog
What are the actual rules for this thread?

[QUOTE=zoobyshoe]Ya poot de laym in de ko-ko nut an' drink 'em bote togeddah, poot de laym in de ko-ko nut an' drink em bote up!

This single posted rule was followed explicitely- and I don't care for Lime or coconut!

Also, post #19 reflects what appears to be a forgiven, or at least quietly overlooked, departure from the question/answer "dealio."

Furthermore, I followed the rules as set forth by the accuser, I apologized immediately upon detection, I apologize again, I am obtuse, and it isn't deliberate...and I never learned to read!!!! (looking for the sympathy vote here.)

In light of my noobidity I defer to your obvious seniority and will answer the question: Isn't "Blinded..." way better than any rhyming dictionary you could get you hands on ?

Yes, it's far superior -- except, well, nevermind. Yes.

Soup 'r Salad?

Math Is Hard

Jun7-05, 01:44 AM

Soup 'r Salad?
This is my preferred response:
SOUP R' SALAD?! SOUP R' SALAD?! HOW DARE YOU?! :surprised I AM A FREE-THINKING BEING, DAMMIT AND I CAN CHOOSE A MULTITUDE OF THINGS WORTHY OF INGESTION, NOT JUST THE PIDDLY TWO THAT YOU SO PATHETICALLY PRESENT TO ME NOW, YOU WORTHLESS VICTIM OF THE ESTABLISHMENT... they got to you, too, didn't they? I AM NOT A BINARY AUTOMATON INCAPABLE OF MORE THAN TWO CHOICES. I MIGHT WANT TO HAVE SOUP - I MIGHT WANT SALAD - I MIGHT WANT .. something else.. I MIGHT WANT..cheese.. or waffles.. my mother used to make waffles.. BUT I DON'T NEED YOUR SOUP and I don't NEED YOUR SALAD!

But the ironic thing is that this never produces soup or salad. Only the men in the white coats with that damned needle. :grumpy:

Why is thorazine always the implicit third choice in these cases?

zoobyshoe

Jun10-05, 09:46 AM

Give it up, coffeinstein, I know who you are.

caffeinstein

Jun10-05, 10:17 AM

Why is thorazine always the implicit third choice in these cases?

When the patient decides they don't want no stinking 'super salad' it is obvious thorazine's the only obvious alternative.

How did Fermat's Last Tango give rise to Nine Inch Nails album, "The Downward Spiral?"

caffeinstein

Jun11-05, 01:57 PM

Give it up, coffeinstein, I know who you are.

zubbyshoe,

You may now tell the audience who I am and what "it" is! I can't wait to find out myself!

caffeinstein.

How did Fermat's Last Tango give rise to the Nine Inch Nails album, "The Downward Spiral?"

Mental Gridlock

Jun11-05, 03:05 PM

Trent Reznor, a highly cultured individual, was watching musicals like he always does, and he went to this one. He saw this 300 pound opera singer there who was one of the leads in the play. He thought, "I want to #$%@&! her like an animal!" Then he thought he needed an album name so he could release this song. Just then, as the bulky singer was making an entrance, she tripped on her high heels and went tumbling down the spiral staircase and landed flat on her face onstage. "Eureeka!" Trent shouted. All this of course after he invented his time machine to go into the future to watch the premiere of the play six years after the "Downward Spiral" was released.

Unfortunatly, Trent was missing something from his time machine, a crucial piece which due to its absence caused a rip in the fabric of space-time. What did he forget and why?

The Bob

Jun15-05, 09:57 AM

Unfortunatly, Trent was missing something from his time machine, a crucial piece which due to its absence caused a rip in the fabric of space-time. What did he forget and why?
He forgot his common sense. That is all. He should have realised that the blue wire is connected to the brown wire so that the power would work.

Why time machines???

The Bob (2004 ©)

The Bob

Jun19-05, 11:16 AM

Math Is Hard

Jun20-05, 11:58 AM

caffeinstein

Jun23-05, 06:03 PM

Yes you are.

Who is Caffeinstein?

I am Caffeinstein.

Is it just coincidence that both robins wear green tights?

The Bob

Jun25-05, 06:02 AM

zoobyshoe

Jun26-05, 08:36 AM

Robin Hood and.... ???
It must almost certainly be Mr. Robin Parsons, although he is now just a faded green-tights memory to most.

Recently, I acquired a used old laptop made sometime in the early 1960s by the Macrohard corporation. It was equiped with Bathroomwindows '78, and that was apparently the most recent version of that popular and ubiquitous software it could possibly handle because whenever I turned it on a message appeared which said:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

That just seemed wimpy, so I smacked it a few times and cried "Buck up!" because that always works in old Samurai movies when someone is chickening out. However the screen simply went blank and the unit emitted something between a balloon deflation noise and a mouthwash gargle.

I called Macrohard Tech support. The guy was very nice, and explained that I had to tap the thing firmly with a sledge hammer untill it came apart into at least five pieces, carefully set it in the nearest dumpster, and then purchase a 2005 model.

In the dumpster I found a hampster chewing on this very month's issue of Laptop Lover's Journal so I took it away from the furry homeless fellow and paged through it hoping to be inspired about which new unit to purchase but it turned out to be a very strange kind of porn, so I threw it back.

How was your day?

caffeinstein

Jun26-05, 07:37 PM

How was your day?

Fine, thanks for asking!

Who wears a black mask, yellow cape, red shirt, Green Gloves, Green Boots, and Tight Green Short-Shorts?

Star-Spangled Comics #65

Math Is Hard

Jun26-05, 08:37 PM

That was me. I really don't want to talk about it. There's a lawsuit pending.

In the year 500 BC, the scholar, Nugelotuvus buried a scroll in the sand for his students to find. For the one who was lucky enough to find this, the inscription read: "There are 27 things you do not know. Dig deeper and you will find them." If the student dug far enough into the earth, he would find another scroll reading: "There are 26 things you do not know. Dig deeper and you will find them." What the student learned with each arduous digging was only that the next scroll was still further down.
Was any student diligent enough to find the first scroll?

zoobyshoe

Jun27-05, 04:25 AM

Was any student diligent enough to find the first scroll?
Absolutely! In fact, they all were, and their team work was rewarded by finding that the first scroll read:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

It occured to me today that what the US military is lacking is a plane large enough to fly an entire army of 200,000 men and all necessary equipment to any point on earth. I figure it should be about two miles long, and have a three mile wingspan. It would be named The Atlas after the mythological character who was big and strong enough to hold up the earth.

Suddenly, though, I noticed a spot of dirt on the corner of the napkin I was sketching on, and I became nauseated.

Retiring to a locked interior room, I carpeted the floor with newpaper, peeled off my germ infested clothing, and lived on milk for several months, as I laboriously worked out the proper, step by step, proceedure for opening a bottle of milk. This wasn't easy.

I was nearly done, when a voice from the other side of the door interrupted my 4th, bottle-opening dress rehearsal, saying:

"Oh, Zooby, I never knew you were such a good dancer!"

That alarmed me, since I wasn't properly dressed, and, grabbing a box of tissues and my Leonardo DiCaprio mask, I flug the door open to find some person unknown seated there in an Alec Baldwin mask smoking a pipe.

"Who, the hell are you, and what does that mean?" I demanded.

"That's what I'm here to ask you!" the person retorted, handing me a scroll upon which were written the words:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

"Do you want to explain what that means, please, Mr. Shoe?"

"Oh, I get it," I snarled, "I bet if I pull that Alec Baldwin mask off your face I'm going to find something not quite purple enough for most people's taste. Smething downright lavender. No?"

Rabid

Jun29-05, 01:11 AM

No.

Who did what? When? Why and where?

The Bob

Jun30-05, 07:08 PM

Moonbear

Jul1-05, 04:49 PM

"That's what I'm here to ask you!" the person retorted, handing me a scroll upon which were written the words:

Frbbb Exxx & wewewe port
Sbindle dbb 234sd
I am not entirely worthy
plse insl orgnl sftwre

"Do you want to explain what that means, please, Mr. Shoe?"

"Oh, I get it," I snarled, "I bet if I pull that Alec Baldwin mask off your face I'm going to find something not quite purple enough for most people's taste. Smething downright lavender. No?"

No. Well, yes, but not really. You see, I've been working undercover to infiltrate The Lavenders for some time now. I've had to cut all contacts with the purple jellyfish in order to avoid suspicion. One wrong move, and I'd be smeared on toast. But I finally got the code to their secret lair, and have risked exposure to bring it back to the Order of Welch. I can't talk long, or risk being uncovered; the only thing preventing that now is that the jar lid is on too tight for anyone to open.

So, really, you'll have to explain what the code means. I was able to copy it and get it to you, but don't have the tools to decipher it. All I know is that the Wewewe Port is significant. You'll have to head there and talk to the fishermen to get more information on that.

Okay, have to go. As I gain more intel. I'll try to make contact again.

Why did they have to be Lavender???? Why not pink, or magenta? :cry:

Astronuc

Jul1-05, 08:38 PM

Why did they have to be Lavender???? Why not pink, or magenta? :cry:It was a compromise!

Did the original quetion get answered??

lwymarie

Jul2-05, 06:18 AM

Let me ask you the least stupid question:
Hi. How are you?

>_^

Rabid

Jul2-05, 01:12 PM

Let me ask you the least stupid question:
Hi. How are you?

>_^

Because you think.

What was the original question?

Moonbear

Jul2-05, 01:25 PM

What was the original question?

The original question was, "Hey Adam, do you like my apples?" Soon after, the apples were all made into apple butter and the rudiments of the theory of jellitivity began to take shape, or at least it's speculated to be so. The first written documents on the Theory of Jellitivity allude to this origin, but scholars studying them can't determine it conclusively yet as it's quite difficult to track the oral histories of the subject.

How did jellitivity develop from it's rudimentary apple-butter origins to the mature theory involving purple jellyfish?

The Bob

Jul3-05, 05:45 PM

How did jellitivity develop from it's rudimentary apple-butter origins to the mature theory involving purple jellyfish?
The apple was hard to remove. Slow distillation and filtration until it is removed. Then the butter is chernd (?) more so that it is more jellified. This takes millions of years and then you have jelly fish.

It is a slow process but why???

The Bob (2004 ©)

brewnog

Jul3-05, 06:43 PM

Along with the production of Lagavulin Scotch whisky (25 years), waiting for a Mc Tasty at Mc Donalds (35 years), and the fossilisation of a small bee (45 years), the apple removal process in the production of jellivity is by its very nature, very complex and time consuming.

As highlighted by The Bob, the chemical processes do take a rather long time to complete. But then, jellivity development licences must be applied for, and the statutory waiting period of 6 years must be completed before the designs can even be submitted to the relevant governing bodies. These may then take a further 6.5 million years to approve, partly because the clerks at the governing bodies like nothing better than to sit down and enjoy a nice cup of tea, when ideally they would be processing claims.

Why do they drink tea, and not coffee?

JamesU

Jul3-05, 09:23 PM

I can't believe I wandered into this thread. what's jellitivity? :rolleyes:

Moonbear

Jul3-05, 09:45 PM

Why do they drink tea, and not coffee?
They actually prefer peas, but in 1852 they went to a local diner, and when their mouth was full of apple butter on toast, the waitress misunderstood and brought tea. They tried ordering coffee, but since the apple butter was so good, they still had their mouth full and were brought cough drops. Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?

P.S. Yomamma, this thread is a game and has rules; read the opening post. :grumpy:

Astronuc

Jul4-05, 01:09 AM

They actually prefer peas, but in 1852 they went to a local diner, and when their mouth was full of apple butter on toast, the waitress misunderstood and brought tea. They tried ordering coffee, but since the apple butter was so good, they still had their mouth full and were brought cough drops. Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?

J = e * L2 + i vity :biggrin:

Now I just need one for "relative jellitivity".

btw - butter is "churned"

So what is the distinction between special jellitivity and general jellitivity as it concerns purple jellyfish?

Moonbear

Jul4-05, 01:39 AM

So what is the distinction between special jellitivity and general jellitivity as it concerns purple jellyfish?
The special ones take the short bus to school, though that depends on your frame of reference.

What frame is that?

JamesU

Jul4-05, 02:52 AM

whichever frame of reference you chose.

so can jellitivity (SJ, and GJ) be combined into the unified theory of hyperjellitivity?

Gokul43201

Jul4-05, 02:59 AM

Indeed, one of the most important equations forming the theory of jellitivity was named that day and in similar fashion. What was the equation?
Yes, I remember that day clearly. It was a bleak, wintry day late in the year, when I'd gathered around with some of my clerky buddies for some hot coffee. This was in the town of Strzelno in what was then Prussia and later became Poland. We'd gathered round the fire at a little run-down coffee house called Kaszub where the temperature inside was below freezing any place more than six inches from the sorry, little fireplace. Everyone had a stuffy nose that day. Everyone had a stuffy nose on any winter day in Strzelno.

I clearly remember the day, 'cause that was the day ol' Abraham (one of my other buddies - a Jewish merchant, and the quiet sort) couldn't join us - his wife had just delivered a baby boy whom they named Albert. Shortly after, Abe and his wife took little Albert Michelson to California, and I never heard from them since....but I digress - this has nothing to do with ol' Abe or little Al.

That was the day this dispatcher stopped by the Kaszub...claiming to be travelling from India to London, carrying a manuscript written by some scientist. What did he say the name of the person was...Jollies Marvin (or was it Garvin ... or Tarwin ??)... anyway, it was something like that. Don't ask my why this special messenger was traveling through Prussia on his way back from the Orient, if you don't want to hear a story about pirates, bandits, belle dancers and why Arabic should not be written right-to-left. Long story short (well, shortish perhaps), finding himself in a dull patch one day (this was just after the race-the-shark-to-shore incident) he decided to read the mammoth text. This book, he said - it talked of wondrous things: of beings forming out of a primordial jelly, of...of...well actually, that was the only part he could remember.

But anyway, the upshot of all this was that he lost the title page of the script (to a sandstorm) and wanted help making up a title to this new theory of the jellythings. I think it was old Jozef that came up the name "The First Theory of Jellitivity". That sounded good, but a little plain perhaps. So I suggested that the "First" be replaced with something more exciting, more exotic, more appealing. "Special", I said. "Call it the Special Theory of Jellitivity."

Much later, we heard (don't ask me how, if you don't want to hear a story about war, and strife, and secret codes, and a strange little snowstorm one midsummer night) that the manuscript was rejected by the publishers...apparently because the title made no sense to them. But as a result of some shoddy communication, the poor scientist had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. Took him another seven years, they said. And it was called The Porridge in your Speeches or something close to that.

And come to think of it...we did hear from ol' Abraham one bitterly cold spring afternoon in '87. I don't think I'll forget that time either...it was quite the strangest coincidence really. There was this little parcel waiting for us at the Kaszub. It had been mailed from America. It had a copy of a paper published by little Al in some fancy American journal. I can't really remember what it was talking about, but I'm almost certain it was called "The Jellitive Motion of the Luminiferous Heathens".

Now where did all this start ? Yes, Moonbear was asking about some equation. I'm sorry Moonie - I really can't help you with that. I know nothing of any equations.

Edit : Astro and Moonie posted before I got through with this ... :grumpy:

What frame is that? Honestly dear, the only frame I know about is the rosewood beauty that holds a pretty picture of little Al' with someone called Joolicees Plant (or something close to that...my memory is not what it used to be, I'm afraid.)

Darn ! One more pesky intruder ...

so can jellitivity (SJ, and GJ) be combined into the unified theory of hyperjellitivity? Hah, sure ... just as soon as they figure out how to pull horse-carts without horses !! :rolleyes:

Now, when will I learn to hit the refresh button before I post crazy long ansers in this thread ?

Moonbear

Jul4-05, 03:35 AM

Now, when will I learn to hit the refresh button before I post crazy long ansers in this thread ?

Moonbear's Lab Notebook July 4, 2005 entry:
Experiment #M392 - Learning behavior in grad students: the refresh button
Subject demonstrates awareness of refresh button. S posts crazy long anser without using refresh button. Progress is slower than anticipated.

Oh, sorry, I was just jotting something in my notebook here. Nothing important. o:) Current calculations predict sometime between a half hour ago and never.

How many hamsters are required to relay to the server that you've pressed the refresh button?

JamesU

Jul4-05, 02:50 PM

approx. 17. 18 if he's mad...

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

zoobyshoe

Jul9-05, 12:39 AM

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

Dangling by a string off a scaffolding erected around the Great Sphinx of Egypt is a corked bottle with half the label torn off. Inside the bottle is the torn piece of label. On that piece of paper is written the anser to your quetion. Yousouf, the scaffold man, recieved that anser in a dream he had last night about 3:45 AM Cairo time. He arose in a state of agitation, commanded his wife to heat the coffee water, and sat down to write his dream down before it slipped from his memory. Finding a stump of a pencil, he nevertheless was thwarted in his attempt to locate any paper, so he tore the label off an old bottle and scrawled his nocturnal revelation onto that. He popped the scrap into the bottle, corked it, and has had it with him all day, as he goes about his work on the scaffold. Someday, he has faith, he will learn the quetion to the anser.

Recently I saw the most horrifying horror film: Night Of The Living Thread. It was the story of a dead thread that was brought back to life throught the desparate voodoo incantations of a demented poster. Unfortunately it had been zombified, and it staggered, unseeing and groping it's way forward, bumping into trees and fences and tripping over parking lot speed bumps, and getting clipped by passing cars, and eventually ended up crawling on all fours. After about a half hour of this, an Egyptian scaffold worker comes running along, runs smack into the zombie thread, falls over it and accidently breaks the corked bottle he is clutching to his chest. About then, I went out for popcorn and ran into my old partner in crime Shooby Zoo. I was astonished to see him there, and we got to reminiscing, and I missed the end of the movie. Anyone know what happened next?

Math Is Hard

Jul9-05, 12:41 AM

Do you mean what happened after you bumped into Shooby or what happened at the end of the movie? As for the former, I’m pretty sure if you check your back pocket you’ll find your wallet, your lucky hamster, and your over-medium-sized abridged copy of Chineyman’s story of his harried search to find his politically exiled lost brother, “The Pressure of Finding Ting-Tsao”, missing from your person.

Shoob’s a notorius klepto. Nice guy and all, but, you know..

But as for the end of the movie, a shard from the bottle pierced the thread and it was found out, what everyone suspected all along, that the thread was hollow. From then on it did not move, but a few people kept stamping on it. The quetion, however, flew from the bottle, because it could not be any longer contained, and it was snatched up to heaven by the Blessed Flying Otters of Otsirus, the little known Egyptian Otter-headed God.

This reminds me of a ‘speriment that’s going on the university. Somebody discovered that beet-extract enhances intelligence so every day they feed a couple of liters of beet juice to otters to see if it makes them any smarter. The otters don’t seem to be getting much more intelligent though. They still score poorly on IQ tests and most can barely tie their shoes.

It just proves what my grandma always said: You can feed a borscht to otters but you can’t make ‘em think.

Have you ever heard of a Borscht-ach test?

zoobyshoe

Jul9-05, 01:09 AM

Have you ever heard of a Borscht-ach test?
According to The Diagonal And Striated Manual Of Metal Disoverages the Borscht-ach test is an inportant, and indespensible tool used by the Shrinkiatric community to appear to be extremely busy and to be analyzing something that only they can understand, in terms that can't be explained, except to other Shrinkiatrists. That information may not be correct, however, since my informant was a gentleman I found sleeping behind a dumpster in an alley, at the back of a Chinese restaurant.

It has happened to me from time to time that I converse with people electronically. These people are all suspect to begin with, since they have impossible names like Calculus Is Sopporific, SleepParalysis or Ebble. You have to wonder about their parents, giving them these names. Anyway, it happens from time to time that one of these electronic people wants to converse with me by E-Mail about things like the fine points of Jellitivity, the philosophic traditions of the Zoobie race, or some such. Each time I agree to this kind of private conversation, I find that messages from person I expected to hear from are intercepted by complete strangers, who have names like Bob, Sally, and Jane, but who write back pretending to be the original quetioner. So far I have put up with this nonsence with a straight face, and have gone along with the charade, but I am really kind of getting tired of this group of imposters. Is there nothing the administraion can do to prevent Joe, Alice, and Jim from interrupting my conversations with the likes of AlgebraMigraine, NightTerrors, or Evvilo?

The Bob

Jul14-05, 07:03 PM

Is there nothing the administraion can do to prevent Joe, Alice, and Jim from interrupting my conversations with the likes of AlgebraMigraine, NightTerrors, or Evvilo?
It may take a while and a lot of begging needed but I am sure you can. It can get annoying with this strange names, never sure who is who with all the changing.

What do you think is the main reason that people change it for???

The Bob (2004 ©)

zoobyshoe

Jul14-05, 11:13 PM

What do you think is the main reason that people change it for???
On the surface it's unmitigated mischief making. However, if you dig into the seamy underworld beneath our illusory day to day existence, and peer into the shocking subterranean motivations squirming below like a mass of greasy, premature marsupials, you find, to your horror, that it is unmitigated mischief making.

That reminds me of a story: It is said that Byzantine era King Arimmigan The Second of Sylvaniavania (now upper and lower Avania) was so repelled by the sight of any image of the band Kiss that he fled in terror from any room containing any of their CDs. Knowing this, his jealous brother, Barckonium plotted to drive Arimmigan mad and succeed to the throne in his place. Sending his henchmen to scour the country for any an all Kiss images that might be found to be used to terrify his susceptible sibling, Barckonium sat back to plot their distribution around the castle in various places where Arimmigan would happen upon them unawares.

Becoming sensible to this plot, Peeco, the Royal Auto Detailer, decided to side with the evil upstart Barckonium in the hope of a reward of a new CD player, and approached him with his entire collection of old Kiss 33rpm vinyl records.

Somehow, though, I can't seem to recall what happened next, despite the fact I do remember having written a paper about the whole incident for extra credit in the obligatory Sylvaniavanian History class we all had to suffer through in high school, (and having recieved an A+ for my efforts, at that).

Does anyone know what happened next?

The Bob

Jul27-05, 06:33 PM

Does anyone know what happened next?
It came back to life, stronger than ever - ready for another day.

Can someone give me the history behind maluable plastics???

The Bob (2004 ©)

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 07:38 PM

Can someone give me the history behind maluable plastics???
Maluable® Plastics are plastics capable of being Malued, but only under specific, rigorously controled conditions. Maluing is a process developed during the middle ages for the treatment of lumber whose aim was to protect wood frame building from infestation by carpenter beetles. Carpenter Beetles were a great problem: they hatched in the Spring and, having infested a wood frame building, set about reconstructing it, nearly always doing a superior job to the original carpenters. The carpenter's feelings hurt, they worked to devise a repellent that would keep the beetles away, eventually settling on a mixture of creosote, cinamon, and the urine of "sturdy widows of blonde hair under the age of 35." This was "malu".

Despite years of effort, however, such industry greats as Dupont, and Goodyear, among others, could find no way to successfully malu any plastic or rubber products. The breakthrough came in 1987 when the independent team of Sticking, Widdles, Hemberjibs, et al, published their remarkable paper: A Successful Method Of Maluing PolyVinylChloride. They had broken the "malu barrier", as it was called, and were showered with fame and fortune. They were invited, as a group, to leave their jobs at Wendy's and become part of the second string night shift at Ron Popeill industries, where they remain today, each with his own cubicle, and plenty of printer paper to make airplanes out of.

Since Carpenter Beetles have never ever been interested in modifying any plastic structure or product whatever, what is the point of "malued" plastic?

Math Is Hard

Jul27-05, 07:53 PM

Research at Popeil Labs showed that malued plastic was as effective at repelling certain organic substances as malued lumber was at repelling carpenter beetles. A long standing problem at their sister organization, Poopeil Labs, has been the development of an easy to clean cat box, since, as we all know, kitty poop is the strongest adhesive known to man. Malued plastic litter pans should be hitting the market this Christmas, with any luck.

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?

penguinraider

Jul27-05, 07:58 PM

Since Carpenter Beetles have never ever been interested in modifying any plastic structure or product whatever, what is the point of "malued" plastic?

Malued plastic has always been coveted by the great roman emperor Nero. After recieving a vial of malu from the Blessed Flying Otters of Otsirus, he discovered that, when heated over a low simmer for 45 minutes and with a bit of garlic to taste, it would turn ordinary christians into mindless slaves when it was poured over them and cooked at 250 degrees for about 1 1/2 hours. However, he was a very impatient man, and so thought, "to hell with it, it's easier to burn the miscreants" (BTW, No offence meant to any christians, I'm one myself). And so he did.

I've heard that Malu was an essential ingredient in greek fire. Can anybody verify that?

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 08:07 PM

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?
It is actually still spoken on an isolated island off the coast of Scotland where the inhabitants, descendents of 4 Brailleish couples whose yacht wrecked there in 1954, have been effectively cut off from modern civilization since. These people, are in fact, frequently used as informants for books and film wishing to authentically portray Brailleish culture and language, and no doubt, were consulted for the film you watched.

Speaking of dead languages. a zombie rang my doorbell last night and when I answered he said "Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" Anyone know what he asked?

brewnog

Jul27-05, 08:07 PM

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?

Braille was spoken by the Braillians on weekdays up until 1965, until Norma Theltwistle and the Rogue Linguists instigated a ban on all forms of communication on days with a "y" in their name. After several weeks, the citizens of Bra realised that they'd been conned, but were prohibited from discussing any solution to their problem. This unfortunate Catch-22 situation persisted for several months, before Himla Theltwistle admitted that her mother Norma had grown tired of the non-verbal insults which had been arriving at her letterbox every morning since the ban was imposed. Norma fled the village in tears and a taxi, and has not been heard of since. The Braillians soon realised that their linguistic traditions were no longer in keeping with the rest of the civilised world, and reluctantly adopted Latin as their language of choice, although they save Braille for special occasions (Easter, Wednesdays etc).

There have been reports that Norma was carrying an illegitimate child when she departed the homestead of Bra, and that she set up a small commune deep in the woods, where she taught the evils of the Braille language and way of life. Ironically, she used the very same Braillian tongue she had banned in order to indoctrinate her followers. Residents of the nearby village, Brumscroop, deny the rumours that this commune exists.

Why did the citizens of Bra adopt Latin as their tongue?

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 08:12 PM

Malued plastic has always been coveted by the great roman emperor Nero...
Good one, but MIH beat you. My quetion is up next to be ansered.

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 08:15 PM

Braille was spoken by the Braillians on weekdays up until 1965...
Good one, but I beacha!

brewnog

Jul27-05, 08:16 PM

Speaking of dead languages. a zombie rang my doorbell last night and when I answered he said "Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" Anyone know what he asked?

"Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" is the zombie translation for "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm heavily bleeding, could I borrow some Elastoplast?". I'm actually rather surprised you knew it was a quetion, since I've heard that zombie intonation is not a specialist study of zoobies.

What's the most effective way to kill a zombie?

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 08:38 PM

What's the most effective way to kill a zombie?
Depends if you want speed or permanancy. Most of the fast ways of killing them don't take, and they're back sooner or later. The only permanent way is to have them cremated in the rural British village of Brumscroop, by any or all members of the Sisterhood Of The Otters Of Osiris, on a pyre of malued oak wood. (The villagers, of course, will deny it ever happened.)

Speaking of otters, several of these playfull creatures knocked on my door a few days ago and began performing various antic gymnastics, whose purpose was obscure to me. Anyone else ever run into this sort of door-to-door cute, furry sort of olympic games?

Kazza_765

Jul27-05, 10:45 PM

Not otters, but I have possums running around the roof at night. It sounds like they are training for the 100 metre sprint.

Why does popeye only have super strength when he eats a can of spinach? And why doesn't he ever eat fresh spinach, only spinach from a can?

Rabid

Jul27-05, 11:21 PM

In his younger years Popeye hijacked a truckload of spinach that was being smuggled by a militia planning to overthrow the government. The spinach was laced with PCP and a number of other chemicals intended to create an army of super soldiers. This was in the first episode of Popeye, but network executives refused to air it. The omission of this episode has led to the popular misconception that spinach creates super strenght, an evil plot to get children to eat their spinach, of which I myself became a victim.

With the advancements in the design of anabolic steroids and the ability to mask them from testing, what will the next generation of athletes look like and will there be new sports invented that will be more suited to them?

Jul27-05, 11:26 PM

The spaghetti monster http://physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=80506.

What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 11:42 PM

What's the answer to life, the universe and
everything?
That was given in a post somewhere back on about page 29 of this thread. It was encrypted as a Stupid Anser, and posted by Mr. Robin Parsons. He PM'd me with the decryption infomation, but I can't remember where I put the envelope I wrote it down on. In addition to the answer to life, the universe and everything, that same gentlemen PM'd me the T.o.E. and the G.U.T. I bet if I looked around I could still find them somewhere.

I was alarmed recently when I read of this new disease going around that is communicable through quantum entanglement. Apparently it progresses through quite a series of horrific stages, starting from the planck's jitters all the way through to a stage of insanity where the sufferer believes he must constantly be observed 24 hours a day to prevent himself from reverting to an uncollapsed wave function. Any one heard any news about this?

Jul27-05, 11:49 PM

Why yes I have. After I did, I killed him with three items any PFer has lying around the house. A pure neodyum shovel, with a 20 pound canister of compressed air, and a duck dipped in melted nacho cheese.

The question is... how did I kill him?

zoobyshoe

Jul27-05, 11:54 PM

The question is... how did I kill him?
You intimidated him with the shovel, while you ate the nacho duck, gulped as much compressed air into your stomach as it would accomodate, and waited for chemistry to take its course. When the reaction was complete you farted him to death.

How long does it take to die that way?

Jul27-05, 11:59 PM

It only took fractions of a second for several internal organs to rupture after swallowing all that compressed air. I died then exploded. CSI and police investigators mistook it for an extream case of flatulence.

Whatever happened to the Mister Parsons.?

zoobyshoe

Jul28-05, 01:27 AM

Whatever happened to the Mister Parsons.?
The amazing Mr. P. attained the seventh level of transcendence of the Laterally Inclined Church of Photonic Phase Change Pending and became a being of Light, Pure Light. Frequency: unknown. Infrequency: often.

Once, when I was crawling on all fours toward the fifth annual meeting of The Brothers Of The Reinstated Monochromatic Syllogism For The New Epiphenomenal Millenium I happened to meet Professor Stivius F. Whisley squirming in the other direction. Since we had never been formally introduced I felt more than a nod hello would be regarded as grossly forward of me, so I grabbed his hand and pumped it up and down over-enthsiastically practically shouting "Great lecture the other night! Great lecture!"

Squinting up at me through rheumy red eyes, he gurgled: "Got a piece of chalk?"

Did I have any?

Smurf

Jul28-05, 01:35 AM

reaching down the front of your trousers you manage to pull out not one but six hundred thousand million forty five hundred thousand, six hundred.... and seventy peices of NASA quality rootbeer string.

Why does this thread still exist?

Kazza_765

Jul28-05, 02:00 AM

genep

Jul28-05, 12:50 PM

There are two rules of stupidity:

The first rule of stupidity: the answer is always more stupid than the question.
The second rule of stupidity: only the wise and learned cannot laugh at the answers that are always more stupid than the questions.
=-=
If these rules seem surreal then try asking a question that is not stupid, like: how can the universe exist if there are no anti-particles that the universe must have to exist?
Now try to find an answer that is less stupid than the question.
-- just thoughts

Math Is Hard

Jul28-05, 05:36 PM

This thread almost became non-existant during the great PF uprising of 1942, when several disgruntled mailmen went on suicidal rampages. According to the Great Convention which ensued this bloody period of 'ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer' history, this thread must be preserved for all eternity.

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

Twas me! <chomp chomp> If you didn't want me to have it, you should not have left it unlocked.

How many disgruntled mailmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

zoobyshoe

Jul28-05, 05:41 PM

How many disgruntled mailmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick quetion. You can't even fit one disgruntled mailman in a light bulb, much less the minimun number to screw.

If I require all readers under the age of 18 to not get that anser will they comply?

Jul28-05, 07:25 PM

Trick question, all under the age of 18 cannot comply.

Who dusts the countertable?

zoobyshoe

Jul29-05, 10:33 AM

Who dusts the countertable?
This is accomplished by a very large, fluffy, unique cat which was born with the propensity for leaping onto flat surfaces after having charged its fur by rubbing itself against things like sofas and other fabric apolstered furniture or carpet. Jumping onto the countertable, its underside charges the tops of all heretofore neutrally (on average) charged dust particles by induction with a charge opposite to its own underside. These oppositely charged dust motes are, therefore, attracted up off the table to the cats fur. This is a surprise to the cat, who then leaps off the table, dust attached, before the charges begin to equalize and the dust falls off.

This particular cat was discoverd accidently by Selven G. Pisterling, PhD in the year 2003 in the city of DesMoines, Iowa, USA. In an attempt to trace the origins of the cat's proclivity for jumping onto flat surfaces after having charged itself, triboelectrically, he delved into the cat's lineage and discovered both its parents demonstrated even more remarkable behaviors which, neither taken separately nor together, could account for the behavior of the cat in question, but which were certainly objects of curiosty in and of themselves.

What remarkable things could the cat's parents do?

penguinraider

Aug17-05, 09:36 PM

The cat's father was owned by a man named Mr Enjo, and he had a suprising ability of cleaning windows, tiles and dishes with his fur. Of course, Mr Enjo being brilliant, and cruel, skinned the cat and sold it's fur as cleaning the products. His mother had the curse of being the first magnetized mammal in existence. She lived on a ship and died as she couldn't escape from the ship's anchor, which was lowered, and she drowned.

What was the name of the ship?

Aug23-05, 05:43 PM

Ship changed it's name often. It was built back in 1488. as a carrack for a Spanish-Italian explorer Dumbo Garcia Vesquez de la Boloniese Ciciolio. He was determined to go to India with this ship, but he had problems with administration with naming the ship. After Columbus' discovery he decided to become a pirate and named it Athos. He didn't have a noticeable career as a pirate, and died in 1449. He left Athos to his cousin Daffy de Runnia a la al Dente Moderato who had it anchored in Venezuela all his life. Ship was in bad condition, and was crawling with rats. What they didn't know is that Athos was near a radioactive rock. It's radiation made rats mutate in super-rats - people tell that they were more than 25 feet long, had purple fur and x-ray sight and a 1MW laser on their back. But somehow they didn't leave the ship.

Daffy left Athos to his friend, a Russian-Irish scientist Harry Yurye O'Shag Zdravstuyityi. He gave the ship to his daughter which he had with his Japanese mistress Xo-Yo-Zo. She decided to sink the boat to perform an extermination. Rats fled, and it is believed that they went to Bermuda, causing phenomenas associated under the name Bermuda's triangle.
Ship was repaired by Go-Go Zdravsvuyity Gandhi, Harry's grandson who renamed it into Psilocybin due to his experiments with drugs.

It isn't known what happened to the ship after Go-Go's death. It's trace is lost until 1935. when it shipwrecked on a German military officer's beach house. Lt. Hans von Kirchodinger-Berliner was fascinated by vessels; he restaurated it till 1940. and named it Koginnschpehelaugen. At the end of the WWII American-French secret agent John Pierrrre Versaille Smith stole the ship. In the sixties he transformed it into a party ship. He named it Look-at-the-colours,-man! and held wild orgies there.

Due to his tax problems IRS took the ship and gave it to the US Navy. In 1979. it was equipped with 25 nuclear warheads and named Freedom for the World 3. It is still sailing our oceans, being the first and only wooden ship with nuclear weapons.

Who is the present captain of this ship?

The Bob

Sep10-05, 07:11 PM

Who is the present captain of this ship?
The present captain must be Bob Kingsley. A great captain.

He fought off (5 to 1) 100 ships and had deaths in the hundreds. He, himself, had to have his leg re-attached but still fought on. Amazing.

What other injuries did Bob sustain???

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. From the ASHES. :rofl:

dracobook

Sep10-05, 08:52 PM

he became a sponge

mattmns

Sep19-05, 05:43 PM

You are supposed to ask a quetion dracobook!!!!!! :smile:

Why is this thread not as popular as the thread killer thread?

Gokul43201

Sep19-05, 06:07 PM

Why is this thread not as popular as the thread killer thread?Because this thread, unlike the other one, demands intelligence of its participants.

So, earlier this month, when I was driving through Utah, I was thinking to myself: "Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?"

zoobyshoe

Sep19-05, 06:27 PM

So, earlier this month, when I was driving through Utah, I was thinking to myself: "Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?"
More like guilt.

Have you ever noticed that when you climb a sycamore tree and honk like a seal, it drives the neighborhood dogs nuts?

moose

Sep19-05, 06:45 PM

More like guilt.

Have you ever noticed that when you climb a sycamore tree and honk like a seal, it drives the neighborhood dogs nuts?

Yes I have noticed.

When you are in your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to row up a waterfall in 72* C ?

JamesU

Sep19-05, 07:14 PM

approx. 1,000,000

If you dump 5,000,000 packs of paper on a used-to-be rainforest site, will it make those tree-huggers STFU?

zoobyshoe

Sep19-05, 07:21 PM

If you dump 5,000,000 packs of paper on a used-to-be rainforest site, will it make those tree-huggers STFU?
Yes, if you dump it on them.

What's the minimum number of canoes it would take to surround the island of Manhattan and level it by flinging pancakes with small, portable trebouchés?

EnumaElish

Sep19-05, 08:04 PM

What's the minimum number of canoes it would take to surround the island of Manhattan and level it by flinging pancakes with small, portable trebouchés? 11,264.

What is the average IQ of all intelligent life forms presently living on Earth?

Gokul43201

Sep19-05, 08:30 PM

What is the average IQ of all intelligent life forms presently living on Earth?Sorry, I don't happen to know my IQ off the top of my head.

I've thinking about the other good threads here and remembered the 'Coffins for sale at Costco' (or something like that, anyway) thread. And that got me wondering... when you buy a coffin, does it come with a lifetime guarantee ?

zoobyshoe

Sep19-05, 10:05 PM

I've thinking about the other good threads here and remembered the 'Coffins for sale at Costco' (or something like that, anyway) thread. And that got me wondering... when you buy a coffin, does it come with a lifetime guarantee ?
The manager at the local CostCo has just informed me over the phone that, yes, each coffin is guarranteed for the life of the coffin. So, as long as nothing goes wrong with it before it fails, they'll replace or repair anything excluding hinges, external surfaces, or interior fabric.

Recently, after taking a gulp of mouthwash, I noticed to my horror it actually was labeled Mousewash. Am I gonna be OK?

madcat11

Sep21-05, 10:20 AM

Recently, after taking a gulp of mouthwash, I noticed to my horror it actually was labeled Mousewash. Am I gonna be OK?

probably not.

Speaking of knots, what's the percentage of people who don't know which way to tie the bows in their, er, tennis shoes?

EnumaElish

Sep21-05, 12:03 PM

Players on a shoestring budget, aka "no promos"; that's over 90% and probably over 99%.

How long is the circadian cycle of the cicadas who sleep 17 years?

zoobyshoe

Sep21-05, 06:47 PM

How long is the circadian cycle of the cicadas who sleep 17 years?
I once rode a circadian cycle. I think Indians are better, and Harleys are probaby the best.

Last night I heard a familiar crunching noise outside my back door, one which usually means a possum is scarfing down the food I leave out for stray kitties. A check, however, revealed the cat-food eater to be Harry J. Donaldson, employee of the IRS, down on all fours with his face in the food dish. Does this mean I'm being audited?

Gokul43201

Sep21-05, 08:21 PM

No, you were being odditeed. The oddity tour was a move by the IRS to try and change the general psychological reaction of an average person to hearing the letters I-R-S. The IRS sent out swarms of its employees all round the country, making them perform strange and unusual acts intended to radically reshape your opinion of the IRS.

Do you know why this plan failed so miserably ?

zoobyshoe

Sep21-05, 08:38 PM

Do you know why this plan failed so miserably ?
Your explanation completely accounts for the many reported sightings of shirt and tie "tightrope walkers" seen trying to get from telephone pole to telephone pole via the high tension wires. Which also explains the plan's failure.

Recently, when I was framing some pictures for my upcoming exhibit at the San Diego Museum of Photographs of Marsupial and Government Cat-Food-Eaters I couldn't resist a taste of the succulent looking little tacks I was using to hold the backboards to the frames. They had a strangely metalic flavor, almost as if they were made of steel or some other ferrous substance. This seems odd, since they were clearly labeled "Carpet Tacks". Why didn't they taste of the wonderful artificial carpet fibers I have so often enjoyed in the past?

TheStatutoryApe

Sep21-05, 08:52 PM

Recently, when I was framing some pictures for my upcoming exhibit at the San Diego Museum of Photographs of Marsupial and Government Cat-Food-Eaters I couldn't resist a taste of the succulent looking little tacks I was using to hold the backboards to the frames. They had a strangely metalic flavor, almost as if they were made of steel or some other ferrous substance. This seems odd, since they were clearly labeled "Carpet Tacks". Why didn't they taste of the wonderful artificial carpet fibers I have so often enjoyed in the past?
Obvioulsy carpet tacks aren't made of carpet. They are to be marinated in carpet for a few years before consumption at which point the fermented carpet should yeild a plume of airborn debris to accent the experience of consuming the tacks.

On a side note, why does my g/f insist on kissing my belly and telling me it's sexy?

rocketboy

Sep21-05, 09:13 PM

On a side note, why does my g/f insist on kissing my belly and telling me it's sexy?
LOL...i think it's called teasing. :rofl: :rofl: I never understood why it's considered sexy either...I think they like messin with our heads (the kind with the brain)

are comments like these allowed on PF????

TheStatutoryApe

Sep21-05, 09:25 PM

LOL...i think it's called teasing. :rofl: :rofl: I never understood why it's considered sexy either...I think they like messin with our heads (the kind with the brain)

are comments like these allowed on PF????
Ofcourse... but you may want to read some of the past comments on this page to see what sorts of questions and responses you're supposed to leave for this thread in particular.

So will you be a RocketMan one day, or was that your dad?

zoobyshoe

Sep22-05, 09:17 PM

are comments like these allowed on PF????
There are only two comments allowed at PF. One is "Nice day." The other is "I appreciate the remarkable engineering that went into my refridgerator and will never push it over again." No other comments are allowed.

not sure this is the rite place to put this but... So...um...if say I had two socks that don't match is there a way i could get them to mate so id have a litter of socks that were all the same?

Townsend

Sep22-05, 09:31 PM

not sure this is the rite place to put this but... So...um...if say I had two socks that don't match is there a way i could get them to mate so id have a litter of socks that were all the same?

Sorry, there is no possible way....socks are asexual so your only choice would be to run their dna through a gene splicing machine....

In the visible light spectrum we can mix colors to get new colors.....if we could see all the possible frequencies of the spectrum, how many primary colors would there be?

EnumaElish

Sep23-05, 02:01 AM

if we could see all the possible frequencies of the spectrum, how many primary colors would there be?Exactly 1,000 -- refracted through one thousand points of light. (That's what dad wus referren to, eenit? :smirk:)

If primates are so good in imitating ("monkey see monkey do"), why don't other primates develop like us? All they have to do is to imitate. (It's not like they have to reinvent the bicycle; they can buy or borrow one and ride it in a funny way.)

zoobyshoe

Sep23-05, 11:26 AM

If primates are so good in imitating ("monkey see monkey do"), why don't other primates develop like us? All they have to do is to imitate. (It's not like they have to reinvent the bicycle; they can buy or borrow one and ride it in a funny way.)
I hope you don't feel proud of this quetion.

Last night when I was dangling from the ceiling in a cocoon woven of old plastic shopping bags and discarded garments pulled from a dumpster, it occured to me that I had never gotten to Iraq to visit the "hidey-hole" from which former Iraqi despot, Saddam Hussein had been pulled on the occasion of his capture so I resolved to telephone my travel agent in the morning.

This morning, however, I was distracted from that goal by the discovery that my telephone had become infested with a colony of insects quite unknown to me. More beetle-like than anything else, their appearance might have been occasioned by the fact that the last call I recieved was from someone claiming to be William Burroughs. (Could have been "Burns" though, or "Morrow"), wanting to collect on the unpaid termite control procedure I contracted to have performed last Spring. That being the case, I don't want to call yet another exterminator, so I'm wondering if anyone knows if these telephone-beetles are edible, since that would be the cheapest way to get rid of them?

Math Is Hard

Sep23-05, 12:57 PM

This morning, however, I was distracted from that goal by the discovery that my telephone had become infested with a colony of insects quite unknown to me. More beetle-like than anything else, their appearance might have been occasioned by the fact that the last call I recieved was from someone claiming to be William Burroughs. (Could have been "Burns" though, or "Morrow"), wanting to collect on the unpaid termite control procedure I contracted to have performed last Spring. That being the case, I don't want to call yet another exterminator, so I'm wondering if anyone knows if these telephone-beetles are edible, since that would be the cheapest way to get rid of them?
I hate it when termite control people use these strong arm tactics to get people to pay up. Usually, shoving beetles through the phone line is their last ditch effort to get you to fork over the cash before they turn you over to a collection agency. And no, the beetles are not edible, unless you are a Ju/’hoansi. I had the same problem with a pest control company I hired last summer to help me with my ant problem. I was late on a few bills and I started getting late night calls with all manner of creepy crawlies pouring out of the phone when I ansered. The earwigs are particularly nasty. Make sure you cover the phone with cheesecloth.

Speaking of cheesecloth - I've noticed it doesn't look or taste anything like cheese. False advertising?

zoobyshoe

Sep23-05, 09:06 PM

Speaking of cheesecloth - I've noticed it doesn't look or taste anything like cheese. False advertising?
Well, my understanding of cheese cloth is that it is intended to be used for sewing clothing for your cheese. A person, in the normal course of things, might easily decide their cheese would look well in a nice, airy summer outfit, and cheesecloth fits the bill.

Incidently, I saw a dog knock a garbage can over yesterday and then go trotting down the street with what appeared to be a shirt in its mouth. Has Bush cut funding for the Clothe The Animals centers?

Sep24-05, 04:59 AM

I saw a dog knock a garbage can over yesterday and then go trotting down the street with what appeared to be a shirt in its mouth. Has Bush cut funding for the Clothe The Animals centers?
Yes, because PETA outdid them.

Interestingly they were convinced by local crackpot Dr. Zooby Shoe, to dress the strays with cheesecloth.

How did the dogs like that?

EnumaElish

Sep24-05, 11:55 AM

Interestingly they were convinced by local crackpot Dr. Zooby Shoe, to dress the strays with cheesecloth.

How did the dogs like that?No better than a monkey jockeying a horse in Hitler's clothes.

Would Hitler have become a better man had Eva not refused to comply with his diaper fetish?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-05, 10:38 PM

Would Hitler have become a better man had Eva not refused to comply with his diaper fetish?
You know, it's funny you should ask that question, because recently I saw a photograph of a woman who looked like Eva. Actually, she was alot taller, but same general idea, except she was brunette, not blonde, and I thought to myself, "From the looks of it, this woman could be German," and a glance down at her name revealed it to be "Ianinni" which proved I was right since her maiden name might have been German if she turned out to have married an Italian. They're both female, too, if I recall correctly. At least one of them was, so there's a 50-50 chance.

I learned today that my brain is producing my perception of the color yellow by comparing the overlapping stimulation of red and green cones cells in my eyes, and I'm very upset that there isn't such a thing as a yellow cone. I'm not sure it's reasonable to burden my brain with having to sort out this red/green comparison and I would like to start a petition to have the green cones replaced by straighforward yellow ones. This will leave more space in my occipital lobes for cool stuff like Voluntary 3-d Interpretation of 2-d Visual Fields, which means, of course, all movies will be viewed as 3-d. We coulda had this already if it weren't for this stupid yellow business.

Will you sign?

Sep24-05, 10:47 PM

Will you sign?
No, I'll cosine.

Do I look good in my sailor outfit?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-05, 11:06 PM

Do I look good in my sailor outfit?
Between this and your cosine remark, you've gone off on a tangent. I'd say your sailor suit makes you look like Dick Deadeye: very triangular.

For tax porposes I'd like to donate free fish to the local dolphins. I'm afraid this might upset the Save The Fish faction, though. No one wants friction from the fish faction. Say it fast ten times. Are you dizzy yet?

Sep24-05, 11:47 PM

Dizzier than a canine Parkinson's patient chasing its tail.

What happened to the PF shirtS?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-05, 11:57 PM

What happened to the PF shirtS?
There's alot of sporty looking dolphins out there lately. Tax write off for Greg.

What happened to the seaweed and seashells I have been expecting from the Save The Zoobies foundation started last year by the dolphins?

EnumaElish

Sep25-05, 01:52 AM

The nonprofit dolphins did send the goods. Evo signed for the UPS delivery then she sold your seashells by the seashore. And pirate dolphins stole and smoked the seaweed.

Does a missile make a whistle, or a hotel have a bell?

zoobyshoe

Sep25-05, 03:38 AM

Does a missile make a whistle, or a hotel have a bell?
I could tell you but I'm afraid it would lead to anxiety, depression, loss of appetite, alopecia, dizziness, shortness of breath, irregular heart rhythms, uninary infections, liver or kidney failure, seizures, gingivitis, and inner ear problems. Please see your doctor if the desire to ask those questions persists.

Recently when I was crawling on all fours through a particularly narrow stretch of sewer beneath the city of Paris, France (en francais: Paris, France) I came upon a mouldy old book (en francais: livre) with the title in gilt letters on the cover 50 Shortcuts Through Paris Via The Sewer System and suddenly realized I wasn't the first to think of this. How is it I didn't realize everyone was doing it (en Italiano: Cosi Fan Tutti)?

Lapin Dormant

Sep25-05, 01:40 PM

How is it I didn't realize everyone was doing it (en Italiano: Cosi Fan Tutti)?

Your head musta been in the sewer. :surprised (gas anyone?)

If your head is in the Sewer, where are your feet? ("ou et Les Pied?" en Francais)

EnumaElish

Sep26-05, 09:23 AM

If your head is in the Sewer, where are your feet? ("ou et Les Pied?" en Francais)Under the sewing machine, working the pedals.

Is there any plant life in England other than trees and lawn?

matthyaouw

Sep26-05, 12:10 PM

Of course. From the enclosures acts that begun around 1500ad, hedges have been more and more a part of our landscape. Between 1500 and 1850, the vast open commons and meadows have been divided up into smaller and smaller areas separated by hedges. Theses serve to devide the land, and signify ownership. This has the affect of segregating the people too. A man with a less favorible plot of land will look enviously over to his neighbour's land which he would once have been free to graze, and think "Bas**rd". The sense of community in britain from that point onwards began to dissolve, with vicious competiton for land, and a deep envy and hate for those who are better off. This deepened the segregation, and more hedges went up, to separate one's home from the prying, envious or judging eyes of a neighbour. Still, the hedges go up- 'much needed' parks and green areas in the cities, and barrier hedges to blot out those 'awful eyesores' from people's views. They are currently kept at bay with meagre supplies of weed killer and a small force of professional gardeners and tree surgeons, but as people become more introverted, and less concerned with the countryside, and their gardens, the hedges will grow, and slowly choke this land. Few people seem to realise now that we are completely surrounded by this creeping 'plague on the meadows', and still thye grow. It is thought that Birmingham, the 'concrete jungle' will be the last refuge of the English as the privet becomes the dominant species of these isles.

What technical difficulties would arise, when fighting a war with plants?

Lapin Dormant

Sep26-05, 07:50 PM

What technical difficulties would arise, when fighting a war with plants?

Well certainly tracking them would be of great difficulty as finding those little sods in the soil would be exceedingly trivial, and then when you get one to them treed, what a disaster that works out to be, chase them up the tree and the slide themselves out to the end of a Branch, bounce down off the ground, bounding back off into the woods again, and your still in the tree, after having swigged a good one to brace yourself for the chase, the little root tips hardly leave any tracks so that method of chasing them seems superfluous to the Max head room available, yet when finding the blighters on radar, they are trackable that way when the Collar traps work properly, then they can seemingly be caught, but the cost of petrol in chasing them to the limits of there known ranges exceeds the Prolific nature of the travelling they seem to be capable of, always unseen naturally, that too presents a Great and enormous stageringly notorious problem.

What is the Problem?

zoobyshoe

Sep26-05, 11:54 PM

What is the Problem?
It is that we now only see as through a weird, purple jellyfish darkly.

Recently when I was enjoying some strongly caffeinated beverage or another at my favorite parisian haunt Le Café du Lapin Dormant I happened to notice the headline on a newspaper being read by a man at another table. It said, in bold letters: Cy'trewv Blisbi Sxe'rwe'l Sz'Ilisi.

Realizing I had come down with a case of 24 hour receptive aphasia, I quickly hailed the garçon (en anglais: boy) and asked: "What was the comparative foot size of Neandertal Man (in Latin: homo neandertalensis) to that of modern man (in latin:homo sapiens sapiens)? He scratched hs head, thinking, and replied "Gu'operti blishki splentory, il'tki few'asw plentronial qewrass'nb."

What do you suppose I gleaned from that?

JamesU

Sep27-05, 12:21 AM

Wha que l'enfer a fait vous dit juste ?

madcat11

Sep27-05, 10:56 AM

Wha que l'enfer a fait vous dit juste ?

Puisque je n'aime pas les méduses pourpres - un peu...

Is there a reason why most trees lean into us when we walk under their branches - I mean, are they curious or what?

EnumaElish

Sep27-05, 11:24 AM

Is there a reason why most trees lean into us when we walk under their branches - I mean, are they curious or what?They aren't the trees themselves but cute little rattling calavera-like forest spirits called kodama (http://katie-and-rob.org/wordpress/archives/2003/08/19/mononoke-hime-princess-mononoke) weighing down on branches (see attached image). [Also see Kodama (http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Fuji/9270/chara.html#kodama).]

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?

Huckleberry

Sep27-05, 06:25 PM

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?
Stupid quetions con not be quantified as a real number. Theoretically there should always be one more stupid quetion than stupid answer as one follows the other in a series of rational events. In practice, however, at the quantum level everything becomes foamy and after too much beer people forget the rules. As a result it is impossible to simultaneously know both the velocity and direction of this thread. In conclusion, there can be any ratio of stupid quetions to their equally stupid answer sister counterparts at any given time. If you try to count them all you will come up with a real number, but the number will have changed by the time you finish your beer.

How many beers does it take for a stupid quetion to make sense?

matthyaouw

Sep27-05, 07:08 PM

That one made perfect sense to me, so three works well. I don't want to make too much of an assumption about this without more controlled testing, so I'll report back tomorrow night after four, the next night after 5, etc etc until we know without a shadow of a doubt:
a- what the perfect number of beers for playing this game is.
b- what I post like when drunk.

Beer may make these questions easier to understand, but is the ability to answer them and make new questions enhanced or inhibited by the presence of alcohol?

zoobyshoe

Sep27-05, 08:02 PM

Beer may make these questions easier to understand, but is the ability to answer them and make new questions enhanced or inhibited by the presence of alcohol?
I frequently anser and ask stupid quetions with a bottle of isopropyl alcohol on the shelf here in the room with me. It is kind of a scary bottle, and I do find its presence intimidating. So, personally, I think the presence of alcohol inhibits the ability to post in this thread, yes.

On the subject of alcohol: recently when I took a swig of Mousewash and began to gargle with it, I noticed to my horror the label actually said Moosewash.

How did that get here?

Lapin Dormant

Sep28-05, 08:36 AM

How did that get here?

Musta been that sewer Pipe you had been in, seems that when you Finally got to the end of it, you were afforded a *free bath* AND Complimentary Use of the Natives' Toiletries, Hey, LUCKY YOU!

What do you do if the answer to the question that you seek responce to, is not the Question that is answered by the answer to the question excepting, of course, Quetions, ergo the sum of the tales end would appear to have turned rather towards a Tortoise Quest-i-on that must have happened while I was dis-Embarking the Turtles Back from my latest napping event, having held out the cup I snagged from his tail, The cup being fillied, signalling him, the Turtle, that if was time to do, whatever it is that he does at these moments, think, I think, seen him drooling once, suspect he was dreaming of the Most revered Turtle Treat, the Fabled Blue Ball, but he seems a nice enough fellow, when he isn't threatened, then he either hides or, once I watched him trying to scratch his own Tail, that was funny, him looking into his shell as if thinking 'Maybe I can Reach it through here' and the manner of His attempts at Chewing at the root, his head all skewed towards his target, his rear end, you've heard of what is at the rear end of a Turtle, same that that is at your rear end, then, the little begger, once he had smelled that the water was that close, he went for it, I'd seen him charge his short shot charge, he's might quick at that one, but that water made him go in a manner that I had never seen before, almost reminicent of that day we went out tree hunting, oh yes, I was napping, wasn't I?

But what does any Rabbit really know?

A Coté:
Le Cafe Du Lapin Dormant et il Proche? ou 'dans le Milieu' Du le Gite Rose?

O.K. Which one's the quetion?

madcat11

Sep28-05, 10:13 AM

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?

no, only stupid quetions ('don't know where the ansers are...)

Does marsupial have to do with sucking anything...?

EnumaElish

Sep28-05, 01:15 PM

Does marsupial have to do with sucking anything...?Marsupials (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsupial) are born suckers, hence the term "Born sucker (http://www.faqs.org/faqs/food/candy/peeps/section-9.html)." [P.S. Hollywood trivia: Natural Born Suckers was the working title of Tarantino's Kill Bill. :smile: NOT!]

What rank does this question get in the International Scientific Standards' ranking of stupid questions?

Lapin Dormant

Sep28-05, 02:42 PM

What rank does this question get in the International Scientific Standards' ranking of stupid questions?
According to the System International this one:

il faire sucer le jus d'un souffle!

Now that it is established that some readers cannot read, please tell us all how can a reader who cannot read, read this question?

Townsend

Sep28-05, 02:48 PM

Now that it is established that some readers cannot read, please tell us all how can a reader who cannot read, read this question?

They get it on audio tape of course...

Since not everything is computable how do we know for sure that anything is in fact computable?

zoobyshoe

Sep28-05, 05:39 PM

Since not everything is computable how do we know for sure that anything is in fact computable?
Sworn affidavits from computers.

Last night while persusing my copy of William Shakespeare's Hamlet word by word, with a magnifying glass, I realized that in Act 4, Scene 4, Hamlet uses the word "Polack" in refering to a Polish person. This alarmed me and caused me to realize that everyone up to now has been misinterpreting the play as a drama, when in fact it is an elaborate ethnic joke, and should be reclassified among the Bard's comedies. Hamlet's unaccounted for familiarity with stagecraft and acting can now been seen as coming from a background in stand-up comedy, and the "dumb show" preceeding the murder play-within-a-play, is, really, a spoof of the Polish theater of Shakespeare's day, or it may be a commercial for Spanish Olives, depending on whether or not Claudius is paying attention. It doesn't say in the script if he is paying attention or not. Nor does it mention if he is picking his nose. He might be though. He also might be thinking about Spanish Olives. He might be thinking about Polacks. It's probably Olives since he leaves suddenly. This almost always means someone has had an attack of diarreha, which would indicate olives.

I think I'll write an essay about my new insight and post it on the web. Think anyone'll buy it?

Lapin Dormant

Sep28-05, 10:08 PM

I think I'll write an essay about my new insight and post it on the web. Think anyone'll buy it?
Yes, but only for Negative dollars, Lots and Lots of Negative Dollars.

Just Think/Dream about it you'll be rich! You Will Be a Minus Millionare! Just Think/Dream about it! (Envision it)

After the turtle has done his thing, we'll tell you about some of his adventures, the Story of the Legendary Blue Ball, and how he came about knowing this tale.

(Hears descreet sounds of turtle doing his thing)

OK so, It was long ago, prior to our having met, and our ensuing partnership, pals, Friends of the very first Order, Defend each other to the Death of either of us, ourselves, that he had been adventuring around some Island, had strode out onto a Beech, only to come 'face to dragonball' with the opportunity of Getting one, so He Bit the Dragons Head off first, then as the thing attached to the dragon whelped in agony he bit down as hard as he could to liberate the Ball from it's nesting sac, It was afterwards, after his very first, completely by cirumstantial event that he Had found and chanced eating something that he had not even heard of as edible, that he was advised that if he followed the proper current he could find an answer, so he persued those waters, smelling for the aroma he had been told existed, found it and found the Smoking one, indulged in it, by said smoker he had the Most exqusite taste sensation he had ever known, apparently the One who Smoked had arranged for, not one, but two balls, and had stuffed them into the Dragons body serving them in a fashion unknown to the turtle Prior to this, Hot and the dragons body had somehow transformed form a rubbery thing into a Delightfull fanciful treat that nibbled at his taste buds to his ecstatic Crunchy delight, and the manner of Rollingthose balls around in his mouth, sucking the juices out of them, one by one, nibbling occasionally as to release even more Juice, you could tell from his telling of it that he had enjoyed himself in a manner in-describably by words, he had called it dining Goumand, after as he had he listened to the others telling of the fable, and he too knew it was true, as he too could feel the Lusting in himself for the taste of what the Fable had described, how a young turtle, lost had stummbled up onto a Beech, snuggling slightly under a thing of a Flat Funny Nature, there he found, completely to his suprise, Balls, and two of them, the Dragon seemed somehow incapacitated, like he couldn't bend, but the balls where there for the taking, his daddy had told him of the Balls availablity, "Take it right away, if you ever see em" he had told him, as he had had friends who had known of the taste treats that they really-really were, so the Young one siezed upon his opportunity and Siezed Mightly His Two Balls, afterwards he realizing that they had seemed off in color and that that had changed the taste, it was Incredulous, the flavor so satified him that he was almost caught by the thing attached to the Dragon as it seemed to be convulsing in writhing agony though he didn't wait around to find out why, he simply walked off with his Prize Taste treat in his mouth, only years later did he have another chance at another Ball, he had gotten that one too so that was how the story is told that he found out just what the Non Blue ones tasted like, such that only then did he realize just how fortunate he had been in being seemingly the Only one who knew, to have ever had a Blue'ee, or so the Legend tells, as it seems no one else has ever succeeded in getting another one of those Blue'ee as the turtles call them, but I digress

Where did the Turtle, Go?

zoobyshoe

Sep28-05, 11:58 PM

Where did the Turtle, Go?
Don't think about it. Lean over, put your head between your knees and try to get some blood back into those frontal lobes.

Once, back in the 1920's, during my college days, the guys and I used to amuse ourselves with an activity we called "squirrel snubbing". This entailed standing beneath the large oak trees growing hither and thither around the expansive campus and deliberately ignoring the chattering of the squirrels whose territory we were encroaching upon. It drove them nuts, and we got a hearty laugh out of it.

What were we thinking?

zoobyshoe

Sep29-05, 01:45 AM

How am I going to die?
You will live into the era of warp drive, and turn out to me one of the unfamiliar, irregular members of an away team.

Once, when I was performing Hamlet, the gravedigger handed me a skull and, before I could launch into my line, I noticed that the skull had a fused atlas vertebrae. It occured to me then, that Hamlet is really a play about buried guilt, and all the scholars up to this point have been way off the mark. I'm thinking of writing an essay called "Was Yorick suffering from Arthritis, and Did Giving Young Hamlet Piggyback Rides Kill him?" and posting it on the web. I aim to show that the real reason for Hamlet's melancholy is guilt over having driven the court jester to an early grave by exacerbating his skeleto-muscular pathology, through insistance on being carried on the jester's back around the Castle, and how in "acting out" his guilt he kills just about everyone else in the play.

When can I expect my check?

Smurf

Sep29-05, 02:04 AM

Okay now I'm POSITIVE that I posted a bunch of vulgarities earlier and begged someone to lock this thread. Why is that post gone? You deleted it didn't you!

**** **** **** (just testing the censor)

hypatia

Sep29-05, 08:48 AM

Hamlet's Assimilation of the Atlas never made it to the stage, Actors’ Equity Association{go figure}, carded the entire group. When asked about your check, and I quote...when Hell freezes over.

Why do we wait so long for spring to arrive, yet fall arrives overnight?

zoobyshoe

Sep29-05, 09:05 AM

Why do we wait so long for spring to arrive, yet fall arrives overnight?
It only seems this way because you're not a pumpkin. Or a grape.

Are you?

hypatia

Sep29-05, 09:19 AM

Well, being born on Halloween, there is the possibility, that I am a pumpkin.

Why does my Hello Kitty pencle refuse to sharpen to a point?

EnumaElish

Sep29-05, 09:54 AM

Why does my Hello Kitty pencle refuse to sharpen to a point?I was going to attempt an answer but then decided it was pointless. Unless hypatia's kitty is black, and hypatia wears a pointy hat, in which case there is a point.

Three witches watch three watches. Which witch watches which watch?

Lapin Dormant

Sep29-05, 04:00 PM

Three witches watch three watches. Which witch watches which watch?

Which # 3 has the time to tell you which witch is watching which watch, but a time must pass before any of the three witches can wind their respective watches, so watch for which winds theirs first, they will be the last watch winding witch.

So after the turtle came back, he went to the Site of the Depressed Lineage, stalking one of the lines there to find the water, but to his surprise he found those funny looking things, that seem, now-a-days, to be everywhere, digging into the bottom, lots of noises too he had said, and NO water, so he ventured off again, bringing me first my refill of Café then turning towards the outer perimeter of the Site of the Depressed Lineage, voyaging out of that spot towards the rivers edge as to engage in his favorite activity, but he knew I wasn't along for the ride this time so he also knew that he wouldn't be able to indulge himself without me, I saw him go off, but now we go back to the Story.

This Polish Aviator, Drunker then anything I, anyone, have ever seen, Staggered failing into the Café, the other day, orders something, no one really knows just quite what he said, sounded like it was in Sheakespears English though, so we waited upon the Rotter, He Stank, He REEKED, just like a decomposing rotten Purple Jellyfish, so we decided to have sport with him and began telling him The Tall Tails of Turtledom, him sliding down from his seat onto the ground below, spilling several bottle of Mouthwash and acetone onto the Tortoise shell flooring, Livid with distress, I arose to Poke my head out of the Sewer, only to find that it had all been somewheres else, so he left.

If you mix enough items together, does it blender?

Rabid

Sep29-05, 09:29 PM

If by blender you mean assimilate all matter and energy in the universe and cease its existence, then yes.

I have the rotting corpse of a 900 lb gorilla in my basement. What's the best way to dispose of it?

EnumaElish

Sep29-05, 10:44 PM

I have the rotting corpse of a 900 lb gorilla in my basement. What's the best way to dispose of it?The way your rotting uncle would have wanted it. Look for a written will and/or contact his lawyer.

Why are :mad: :bugeye: :cry: :uhh: :confused: :grumpy: :yuck: :frown: :eek: and :zzz: called smilies?

P.S. They are not smiling, are they?

Townsend

Sep29-05, 11:13 PM

Why are :mad: :bugeye: :cry: :uhh: :confused: :grumpy: :yuck: :frown: :eek: and :zzz: called smilies?

Because smilies is the plural of smiley and you have more than one smiley so you call them smilies.

What is the point to life?

zoobyshoe

Sep30-05, 12:55 AM

What is the point to life?
The point to life is an acute angle of 35 minutes, 14 seconds, located in a cave in antarctica. It was scratched on the cave wall there about 4,000,000 years ago by visitors from one of the moons of a gas giant in another solar system who arrived here by accidently tripping a time-space fold while trying to star 69 an unlisted number. I can't tell you what it means, just that it's very pointy.

Once when I was onstage conducting an exceptionally boring program of mediocre symphonic works by such second class composers as Fidel Von Stippel, Reginald Thistlestop, and Gershon Globmeyer, I came to a passage whose dynamic was given as: impecunious. I was suddenly unsure what this word meant, and apparently, sinultaneously suffered a migrainous attack of micropsia, because the whole score suddenly shrank to the size of a postage stamp, becoming illegible. The orchestra, itself, receeded in my visual field, and was seen as if from an airplane, as a bunch of ants in tuxedos with miniature instruments. A disembodied voice spoke into my left ear, telling me to stick with it, he's would get the plane safely down.

When the plane finally landed I saw I was in a remote amazonian village, having just touched down on a dirt runway in a rickety two-seater. It seemed to me I must be up to no good, probably on a drug smugling mission, but I could just as well have been some sort of anthropologist for all I knew. Somehow, though, I became preoccupied with whether or not I had spelled "smugling" correctly, and was distracted from the dictionary in which I was attempting to look it up by a woman announcing that the library would be closing in ten minutes.

Irritated, I slammed the dictionary shut loudly, inadvertantly startling all the members of the orchestra, quite a few of whom lost their place in the score.

Strangly enough, President Lincoln ask to see me personaly after the performance, and, shaking my hand warmly, assured me it was the best performance of Whistlstop's 3rd oboe concerto he'd ever heard. Not having the courage to tell him it was Whistlestop's 1st oboe concerto he'd just heard, I let go my bladder instead. Diplomatic as ever, he pretended not to notice and returned to his wife.

What's your favorite personal memory of President Lincoln?

Lapin Dormant

Sep30-05, 09:40 AM

**YAWN** gets up off of the turtles Back, grabs the Java, Sucks one down and gets another tipped by turtle, STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTretchs Ahem** (Ach-TooooEE) Pardoné Moi......

What's your favorite personal memory of President Lincoln?

It would have to be that time he was shooting at me, I was running for the life of me, that was when I met Turtle, all because Lincoln wasn't a Good shot that day, saved my life that man did.

Turtle has left, gone off to the Caspian Sea apparently because there was a Huge free Lunch call, something about some Jellyfish, but that isn't why that trombonist had that tuba shoved into the Diametric Position, it was because of the droppings that were stirred into the café that the whole event took place, in the last place finishing first, so who won?

zoobyshoe

Oct1-05, 10:29 PM

so who won?
Pyrrhus

In May of this year Freedom For The World 3 slammed into a reef at full speed somewhere to the west of the Florida Keys. All hands went into the water. Day 1.

Day 2. About two miles North an exceptionally large herd of weird, purple jellyfish, 1100 in all, was lazily enjoying the relatively warm, clear water, floating aimlessly without hurry, wherever the current might take them, oblivious to the unfamiliar roundish shapes that keep breaking the surface in the far distance. Shapes that are getting somewhat closer.

Day 3. A sleepy weird, purple jellyfish toward the edge of the group is suddenly startled when he is nudged by some large, unfamiliar thing. Looking over, he is horrified to see a human face, not 10 inches away, staring hungrily at him, it's teeth bared. Before he can scream, two horrible hands grab him by the bell and bring him toward the gaping maw of the ravenous human. 15 others disappear that day as well.

Day 4. Dawn breaks and the jellyfish are now very much on edge, staring nervously at the human heads sticking up out of the waves, ever looking in their direction.

What do you suppose happened next?

Rabid

Oct2-05, 03:03 AM

Pyrrhus

In May of this year Freedom For The World 3 slammed into a reef at full speed somewhere to the west of the Florida Keys. All hands went into the water. Day 1.

Day 2. About two miles North an exceptionally large herd of weird, purple jellyfish, 1100 in all, was lazily enjoying the relatively warm, clear water, floating aimlessly without hurry, wherever the current might take them, oblivious to the unfamiliar roundish shapes that keep breaking the surface in the far distance. Shapes that are getting somewhat closer.

Day 3. A sleepy weird, purple jellyfish toward the edge of the group is suddenly startled when he is nudged by some large, unfamiliar thing. Looking over, he is horrified to see a human face, not 10 inches away, staring hungrily at him, it's teeth bared. Before he can scream, two horrible hands grab him by the bell and bring him toward the gaping maw of the ravenous human. 15 others disappear that day as well.

Day 4. Dawn breaks and the jellyfish are now very much on edge, staring nervously at the human heads sticking up out of the waves, ever looking in their direction.

What do you suppose happened next?

A flock of seagulls swooped down and began pecking the humans eyes out. They feasted for several minutes and didn't leave a single eyeball in its socket. Having finished their early morning breakfeast they flew towards the Bahamas where they would circle cruise ships and defecate on unsuspecting passengers.

Then what happened?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-05, 05:43 AM

Then what happened?
I am afraid that the subject of cruiseships is taboo in this thread due to the discovery last year by an unwitting poster that talking about them tends to attract them. Scores of people are still at work cleaning up the debris of the one that fell on his Minnesota ranch style home on the shore of Lake Harriet in Minneapolis.

After pulling a large piece of drywall from a partition in his home during a recent remodeling, Mr. Barry L. Dimattio of Hoover's Woods, Indiana, USA discovered the remains of King Ottiput, Egyptian Pharoah, proped up inside the wall. The mummy seemed very well preserved for being 3500 years old, but there's nothing special about that: it's a mummy. What was unusual is that when unwrapping this surprising find Dimattio discovered a crayon drawing tucked in the wrappings that depicted his home in 1876 when it was first built, and when it served as a carriage house as part of a larger estate. The drawing was signed "Billy age 10" and was folded twice. Inside the mummy's ribcage Dimattio found nest of mice. (That is: the nest was in the chest.) Inside the mummy's scull Dimattio found a first folio of Hamlet, and three very sharp #2 pencils. Next to Ottiput, inside the wall, was a common rubber toilet plunger.

Now, if you're any kind of detective at all, you will immediately recognise that all these clues add up to a firm and final solution to the millenia-old mystery about whether or not Ottiput was murdered or died of natural causes. Therefore I ask: could I interest you in one of our gift certificates?

Lapin Dormant

Oct2-05, 10:51 AM

Now, if you're any kind of detective at all, you will immediately recognise that all these clues add up to a firm and final solution to the millenia-old mystery about whether or not Ottiput was murdered or died of natural causes. Therefore I ask: could I interest you in one of our gift certificates?

LD
Pardoneé Ma Français SVP :tongue2:

Yes, I would Love :!!) one of your gift Certificates so long as it affords me More Rabbit Food, maybe some turtle food too cause turtle will be back, sooner or later, and that packed lunch that he is bringing back with him is Jellyfish so they do seem to spoil :cry: kinda quickly.

So, Send it where?

hypatia

Oct2-05, 05:28 PM

Send it to Moonbear, she likes getting things in the mail!

Speaking of mail, why does it take 7 days for my parents to get my letters?

matthyaouw

Oct2-05, 05:37 PM

Send it to Moonbear, she likes getting things in the mail!

Speaking of mail, why does it take 7 days for my parents to get my letters?

The FBI must be screening your mail. It's the only possible answer.

What has hypatia done to arouse the FBI's suspicions?

Lapin Dormant

Oct2-05, 05:48 PM

What has hypatia done to arouse the FBI's suspicions?
Same as the rest of us, Post in these Stupid Quetion Forums. :tongue2:

Why Would ANYONE (FBI-CIA-NSA-MI5-Pentagon-CSIS) care if we Posted Stupid stenganographic Quetions in these Forums?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-05, 06:07 PM

Why Would ANYONE (FBI-CIA-NSA-MI5-Pentagon-CSIS) care if we Posted Stupid stenganographic Quetions in these Forums?
Envy. They're not allowed to engage in stenganography.

Con you describe the stenganosaurus?

hypatia

Oct2-05, 06:37 PM

Its blue, with many arms. Which of course perfer to remain hidden under its trench coat.

sniff "sniffs"..something here smells bad, what could it be?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-05, 07:00 PM

sniff "sniffs"..something here smells bad, what could it be?
It could be so, so many things. Maybe a dead wild fried egg from a post 30 pages back. There's a sperm whale carcass in this thread somewhere, too, I think.

If a telephone rings in the woods but there's no one there to hear it, but say if a squirrel opens it up and starts chattering into it, will the caller still be billed for the call?

Math Is Hard

Oct2-05, 07:56 PM

If a telephone rings in the woods but there's no one there to hear it, but say if a squirrel opens it up and starts chattering into it, will the caller still be billed for the call?
Squirrels never open telephones. But they do open nuts. Walnuts, chestnuts, acorns, pistacios, hazelnuts. No nut is a bad nut where squirrels are concerned. I just made a peanut butter sandwich for my little squirrel friend downstairs. He took it and didn't say thank you. He began nibbling it at it ravenously and did not even offer me a bite. Where are his manners?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-05, 08:56 PM

Where are his manners?
Like many squirrels do, he donated them to the Save The Zoobies foundation. Now we zoobies are awash in squirrel manners.

May I offer you a nut?

Townsend

Oct2-05, 09:23 PM

Like many squirrels do, he donated them to the Save The Zoobies foundation. Now we zoobies are awash in squirrel manners.

May I offer you a nut?

Since Zoobyshoe is a common name among male risqu'e film actors I do say you may not offer me a nut.

Where do bad folks go when they die?

zoobyshoe

Oct2-05, 10:23 PM

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They're all over at your place. Haven't you noticed?

What does "risqu'e" mean?

Lapin Dormant

Oct3-05, 09:14 AM

What does "risqu'e" mean?

It's French for "What Rice"

Speaking of Active Volcanos, why is it that when I typed into gooooooogles search engine "Top secret-Eyes only-super Military-Known to No One-Unfindable Spy agencies" it gave me the results of "FBI-CIA-NSA-MI5-Pentagon-CSIS" ?

zoobyshoe

Oct3-05, 09:51 AM

Speaking of Active Volcanos, why is it that when I typed into gooooooogles search engine "Top secret-Eyes only-super Military-Known to No One-Unfindable Spy agencies" it gave me the results of "FBI-CIA-NSA-MI5-Pentagon-CSIS" ?
I can't pretend to understand the byzantine inner workings of Google, but we here at area 51 are frequently at work collecting data on volcanos in the belief that one of them somewhere must be the occult lair of a Dr. Evil style super villain. The particular mountains currently under suspicion can't be revealed here. Those familiar with The Kirkland Code however, will find that information secreted within the instruction manual of the 51-L470 series scientific calculator, and be able to decode it. I wouldn't bother, though, since I found the results to be exceptionally boring.

Speaking of code, I recently found myself in an elevator with two men dressed in trench coats, wearing fedoras, who made inexplicable squirrel chatter noises at each other during the ascent to the 34th floor where one of them disembarked.

Does this mean secret elements within the government have deciphered squirrel language?

hypatia

Oct3-05, 10:38 AM

churttttt, chqueeeeet `ci,`ci.

Now do we half to wonder what secrets squirrls keep?

matthyaouw

Oct3-05, 01:33 PM

It depends to what lengths you want to go to for a modest stash of buried chestnuts.

Speaking of squirrels- What is it about the squirrel that makes people go "aww, how cute", where as the similar mammal, the rat, gets nothing but bad press.

Lapin Dormant

Oct3-05, 04:47 PM

Speaking of squirrels- What is it about the squirrel that makes people go "aww, how cute", where as the similar mammal, the rat, gets nothing but bad press.
It's that fur coat they have on, that and the way they can appear "Cheeky" as that seems to make people laugh, inside.

Isn't a Squirrel really just a midget Fox?

matthyaouw

Oct3-05, 05:11 PM

It's that fur coat they have on, that and the way they can appear "Cheeky" as that seems to make people laugh, inside.

Isn't a Squirrel really just a midget Fox?

No. Foxes can't climb so well, and squirrels are harder to hunt with hounds. Quite a resemblence though.

Now that hunting foxes with hounds is illegal in the UK, what animals could the hunters use as a legal alternative (as hunters, not prey)?

Lapin Dormant

Oct3-05, 07:11 PM

Now that hunting foxes with hounds is illegal in the UK, what animals could the hunters use as a legal alternative (as hunters, not prey)?

Chickens! as they are real Fast, can take short hops of flight, to look around, would certainly want revenge on all of those foxes for all of those years of harrassment, and they make a Nice Snack should you not be able to catch the fox.

If a Squirrel runs up a Nut tree, there finding zooby snacks galore, only to find that the zooby snacks did not grow in that tree, but came from a land far far away, such that to eat the snack the squirrel would need to travel back in time, to the point where it all began, and begin, again, at the beginning, does that mean that the squirrel hasn't any more money in the bank because the midget foxette ran off with the account management booklets reciept slips?

hypatia

Oct4-05, 08:28 AM

The midget foxette only borrowed the money. She bought into the Ipod craze and made the squirrl tons of loot :smile: The only money she spent on herself was to buy a fancy costum for the ball.

Will the squirrl be back in time for it?

Lapin Dormant

Oct4-05, 03:19 PM

Will the squirrl be back in time for it?

Seems that he is near, but from what I can see, he, and that group of friends of his, are all dancing around, with these funny looking "little black boxes" attached to their belts, wires from that going into their ears, so I think that they are all being electrifried.

Seems there was this squirrel, residing in His Hole in the tree, licking His Nuts, as to clean them, But, un-known to that squirrel the yellowishly-orangey substance that was coating the outside of his Nuts, was Ergot, SUDDENLY struck into a hallucinogenic Dream, he found himself as a Warrior, in Mesopotamia with King Rahrahmanamwannamanaman* (in English "King Rahrahmanamwannamanaman") telling him that he Needed to "Eat the Squirrel" in front of him, as to pass the test of Warriorship, or else, all of the Other Warriors, present, where going to EAT His Liver with a side-dish of Heart, and a Nice jug of Gwava Juice, so, realizing that he needed to act fast, he looked down at the tiny squirrel sitting prone in the cage and heard that squirrel say, "I am your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grand-dad, eat me and YOU WILL DIE" thereby asking the most Vital of questions, Does Scotch really go well on Vanila Ice cream?

* For proper pronunciation simply copy-paste the name into your "reply to thread" form, use the PF spellchecker and listen to the Audio feed, on you iPod!

Math Is Hard

Oct5-05, 03:53 PM

"I am your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grand-dad, eat me and YOU WILL DIE" thereby asking the most Vital of questions, Does Scotch really go well on Vanila Ice cream?
I wouldn't eat it on a dare, you wacky hare. :biggrin:

Now, speaking of unusual things to eat.. the other day I ran completely out of jam, so I ended up fixing myself a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich. Have you ever had that dissapointed feeling when you ate something purple and it didn't taste grape like you were expecting it to? :frown:

zoobyshoe

Oct5-05, 07:36 PM

Have you ever had that dissapointed feeling when you ate something purple and it didn't taste grape like you were expecting it to? :frown:
Yes, that happened to me the other day when I ate a purple cigarette lighter.

This Fall weather has made me very sluggish and sleepy. I'm too tired to post a quetion. Would you do it for me?

hypatia

Oct5-05, 07:50 PM

yes, I will

Its been over 80 here for weeks still, why are you having fall weather?

zoobyshoe

Oct6-05, 03:46 AM

Its been over 80 here for weeks still, why are you having fall weather?
It's always on sale this time of year.

Recently when I went to empty out my pencil sharpener, I found that there were only a few stupid, little shavings in it. What's a guy gotta do to get a snack around here?

hypatia

Oct6-05, 07:07 AM

Quit trying to sharpen your pens! I find #2 pencels{all except Hello Kitty ones} work the best. I dunno, maybe its just the tanginess of the yellow paint I prefer.
I decided to buy some "Fall", when should I expect it? :uhh:

zoobyshoe

Oct6-05, 07:50 AM

I decided to buy some "Fall", when should I expect it? :uhh:
This will depend on how well you "Erin Brokoviched" the delivery guy: was your blouse unbuttoned enough? Each button more should push delivery forward at least two weeks.

Recently, in the dead of night, a squat red hatchback pulled into the large empty parking lot of a mall and parked in the middle. 15 minutes passed. Then a newer SUV pulled in, and parked right next to the hatchback. The driver of the SUV, a hispanic male about 5'10" with a shaved head, went to the front of his vehicle, bent down, and seemed to be retrieving something from beneath the front bumper. Then he went to the drivers side window of the red hatchback. A five minute conversation took place, and they both drove away.

"What," wondered a donut munching zoobie watching from the 24 hour donut shop at the edge of the mall, "was that all about?"

Math Is Hard

Oct6-05, 12:51 PM

"What," wondered a donut munching zoobie watching from the 24 hour donut shop at the edge of the mall, "was that all about?"
Sounds like possum smuggling. If you had gotten a better look in the SUV you would have seen a cat with a solid gold front tooth, I bet, I bet. We should ask Evo if Foofer's been missing again.

Why do donut shops need to stay open 24 hours? Are there many 4 AM donut emergencies?

Lapin Dormant

Oct6-05, 02:15 PM

Why do donut shops need to stay open 24 hours? Are there many 4 AM donut emergencies?

Most of the emergencies occur between the Hours of 3 A.M. and 5.30 A.M. as that is the time when the Squirrels come out to Gonuts.. .. ..Seems that they still can't read.

Why is it that after having $pent all of that Tax Payer$ money on $chooling, $quirrels $till can't read?

hypatia

Oct6-05, 02:32 PM

Oh they can read, they just don't like to. But one snuck into the library once, they found it in the non-fiction, which startled me, I would of guessed them more of a fiction reader.

hmm donuts, why is there no home doughnut delivery service?..

right now I want one, but I'm waiting for fall to arrive.

zoobyshoe

Oct6-05, 02:48 PM

hmm donuts, why is there no home doughnut delivery service?..
There is, but they do not deliver to any area where a shipment of Fall is expected. This is for safety reasons. Once a Fall delivery truck collided with a donut delivery truck and the result was that red, orange, and yellow donuts began drifting down from deciduous trees in the slightest breeze.

Although there are 24 hour donut shops, we do not find it necessary to have 24 hour zucchini shops. This, Sociology teaches us, is because the average zucchini fiend is an ennervatd person who will suffer through their nocturnal cravings in a state of quiet desparation, rather than risk revealing their problem to friends and family. Some of them will crawl out of bed and batter and deep fry any vegetable on hand: tomatos, cabbage, carrots, bell peppers, whatever, to stave off their hunger for fried zucchini, rather than go on a pre-dawn looting spree.

That's nice of those zucchini fiends, ennit?

hypatia

Oct6-05, 03:16 PM

yes, its very nice of them! Zucchini friends are some of the best friends you can have. Ever notice how willing they are to share there zucchini with you? Yet still respect you, when you grow only yellow squash.

I've been having weird dreams, is it something I am eating that causes them?

zoobyshoe

Oct6-05, 03:44 PM

I've been having weird dreams, is it something I am eating that causes them?
Prolly not. In 2003, the primary cause of weird dreams was determined to be the presence of talking electronic Halloween displays stored in garages and sheds.

Recently, in the course of a weird dream, the meaning of green LED's was revealed to me by sign language being performed by a 4 armed ascendent master once removed of the Free Church For The Advancement Of Advanced Free Churches. He said, among other things, that green LED's are meaningful, in the sence of having signifigance and signification, as well as denotation. Suspecting, though, he was just aimlessly improvising out of a thesaurus, I tied two of his hands behind his back and challenged him to explain it all with the two remaining hands. As I suspected, he needed all four hands to be quicker than my eye, and his explanation turned out to be a recipe for green eggs and ham. He knew nothing about green LED's.

Was he really some kind of large insect?

Lapin Dormant

Oct6-05, 08:35 PM

Was he really some kind of large insect?

DAD! you met my DAD! fantabulous! but please, if you eat him, you must do that you know what thing with him, first, then eat his head, first immediately thereafter otherwise he instantaneouly morphs into sixty-seven times his present size, and He will eat you.

Why is it that my Dad, the Pa-Pa of Lapin Dormant, is a BUG?

hypatia

Oct6-05, 08:48 PM

He was part of the firefly/rabbit gene mix, are you a green glowing bunny?

Lapin Dormant

Oct6-05, 08:57 PM

He was part of the firefly/rabbit gene mix, are you a green glowing bunny?
Nah just the run of the mill Preening Growing Rabbit.

How far can a Rabbit grow if they aren't fed the right diet of?

LD
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..←{Know what those are?}

zoobyshoe

Oct6-05, 09:29 PM

How far can a Rabbit grow if they aren't fed the right diet of?
Rabbits mostly seem to desire green, leafy vegetation. You trouble is you don't eat it, you smoke it.

One Halloween when I was crawling on all fours toward the mother of all hangovers, I had this misfortune of encountering Bobbit, The Shark Footed Ghoul, a kind of Halloween monster who created himself out of parts of Grimm's Fairy Tales, and some random passeges from the Bible. Bobbit hobbled along on two feet shaped like sharks, and used to hang out at the perifery of cemetaries waiting for a chance to dig up a corpse to take home and be his best pal. He was planning on telling his life story to one of these good listeners some day.

Given my horizontal attitude, Bobbit thought I was just such a corpse, and proceeded to try and sling me over his shoulder to take me home. Being fresh out of ghoul repellent, I was in a certain amount of trouble.
How did I get out of it?

hypatia

Oct7-05, 04:20 PM

OMG you up-chucked on the Bobbit! Its a great natural defense, I know I would drop you in a heartbeat.
Fall arrived today, yet caught me oddly unprepared. I am freezing! Can I send it back for a few weeks?

zoobyshoe

Oct7-05, 07:56 PM

Fall arrived today, yet caught me oddly unprepared. I am freezing! Can I send it back for a few weeks?
I don't see why not. You're only tinkering with a delicate world-wide weather system. What's the big deal?

Once, on Halloween, when I was crawling on all fours toward a Dunkin' Donuts with several Maine lobsters dressed as the B-52's attached to my trouser legs by their claws, I wondered if I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas, but no one would really have recognised a T.S. Eliot costume, so I was content to be whatever it was this getup amounted to, when all of a sudden Bobbit, The Shark Footed Ghoul stepped from behind a tree and blocked my path, like some ghoulish, shark-footed path-blocker, and asked: "Is them lobstas dead?" "No," I replied, tremulously, "they just haven't made a new album in a while." "OK, then," he replied, and hobbled on his shark feet off into the dark night. And as he receeded from my view I wondered aloud: "What's that on your head?"

hypatia

Oct7-05, 08:49 PM

Some chick at the party baited the punch bowl with chum, hopeing to get "lucky". Thats why he is sometimes known as Bobbit the Chum Head.

So I'm think'en, instead of sending fall back, I will just steal the Aussies springtime! If we call them the Land down under, why don't they call us the Land up over?

matthyaouw

Oct8-05, 10:43 AM

They lack the egocentricity of nations in the northern hemisphere and realise that up and down are all relative in this contex. Either that or they like to downplay the 'down under' thing as it makes them feel inferior.

The fair is in town this week, and I'm going tonight. What should I take to throw off the high rides at people? Bare in mind I want to cause the maximum mayhem with the least chance of being thrown out or arrested.

Lapin Dormant

Oct8-05, 11:05 AM

The fair is in town this week, and I'm going tonight. What should I take to throw off the high rides at people? Bare in mind I want to cause the maximum mayhem with the least chance of being thrown out or arrested.

Buckets and Buckets of POPCorn, POPped or un-POPped, you'll have a POPingly good time throwing it all over the place, and if in need of an excuse you could tell them that you are from "Down Under" and thought that it was a way to take something you wanted to send back home, and get it there, CHEAP, so you knew to throw it from the Highest point!

Since Fall has Sprung, cheaply too, is it seasonally to late to wear on sale whites under your winter clothing?

EnumaElish

Oct9-05, 05:31 PM

Since Fall has Sprung, cheaply too, is it seasonally to late to wear on sale whites under your winter clothing?No more inappropriate than a pair of white, retro high-heel boots under a shiny pink suit. It's..., it's..., Ballroom blitz! The British will understand. And we understand them. Actually, that's a lie. (White, though.) It's for the sake of our special transatlantic relationship, Andy and Mike. Alright, fellas.

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner?

Lapin Dormant

Oct11-05, 08:54 AM

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner? Just see my last effort at Buffalo'ing a Bluff, Laaaaaaaaaaaamo!

If a Buffalo goes over a Bluff, is it a 'Bluffed Buffalo' or a 'Buffaloed' Bluff?

LD
.. .. .. hops in .. .. (A Bluff-Hello?) .. .. .. .. Hops out .. .. ..

zoobyshoe

Oct11-05, 09:02 AM

Is it okay to have felt like coming up with a stupid question but not being able to in a satisfying manner?
After several days of therapy, hypnosis, drugs, and reading Zen In The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenence I can finally begin to forget you ever asked that quetion.

Recently when I was perusing D.Y. Spulquist's great masterpiece on the subject Psychotic and Personality Disorders Among Tiny Little Black Ants I came across the following:

"...and they will circle erratically, eccentrically, as though intoxicated, or dizzy, shouting all the while: `My Bible has a golden thread bookmark! My Bible has a golden thread bookmark!'..."

which was interesting because I'd seen a crazy woman in a bumper sticker covered van driving around the block shouting the same thing just last week. The third time she passed me she threw a half eaten donut out her window and shrieked: "It's spelled: `Doughnuts,' idiot!" as an adjunct to her bookmark crusade, I suppose. She sideswiped several trees as she swerved back and forth up onto the sidewalk and into the street again, and by her fifth time around a police helicopter showed up and began tailing her.

None of the myriad tiny black ants who now swarmed the donut she'd tossed onto the street in their path cared about any of that as they hungrily attacked the sweet confection, unaware of the terrible toxins in it or of the fact that in several minutes they would all be circling eccentrically, as though dizzy, shouting "My Bible has a gold thread bookmark!"

Who do you suppose poisoned the `doughnuts'?

Lapin Dormant

Oct11-05, 04:14 PM

Who do you suppose poisoned the `doughnuts'?

Obviously it was the great and renonwed D.Y. Spulquist himself, who had injected them thusly as to try to re-create his heyday of experimental successes and the Adoration of the loving crowds of Ant-o-philes that had followed him everywhere asking him to sign autographs and persue theoretical notions that they had arrived at after having re-read his tumulteous work, Black ants of the Streets of New York on the prowl
in the Cities underbelly of Sewer Systems side walks

Speaking of which, anyone know where one can purchase that good Tome Self Immolation for Dummies?

(my last copy burned itself up, and I need to replace it.)

zoobyshoe

Oct11-05, 07:07 PM

You ask it, because you can!
OMG I now have Adam Ant songs pounding in my head! {don't drink, don't smoke, whatdoyado?} How can I make it stop?
You must read D.Y. Spulquist's masterpiece on the subject: On the Eradication Of Tenacious Mental Replay Of Ant-Related Songs, Opera Arias, And Folk Melodies, By The Use Of Chain Letter Spells And Magic. What you will have to do is start a chain letter in which each person must either send a dollar to you, or a picture of a primitive looking skull. Each person must be harshly warned NOT TO BREAK THE CHAIN or they will suffer terribly bad luck. (Which is what's going to happen to cefarix, anyway, for not figuring out the format of this thread.)

In the meantime, I would like to reccomend D.Y. Spluquist's pivotal study of the matter: Ideas From Topology and Game Theory Fused To Explain The Dissapearance Of The Neander-Ant in which Spulquist tries to figure out what happened to a pet tiny black ant he once had whom he named "Neander-Ant" because of its more robust, albeit smaller, endo-skeleton.

Apparently "Neander-Ant" disappeared from his personal ant farm one day, and Spulquist was never able to recover any remains despite having carefully brushed and troweled away each successive layer of the sand in the farm untill he reached bottom.

What do you suppose ever happened to "Neander-Ant"?

hypatia

Oct11-05, 10:53 PM

He should of known Neander-Ant could run very fast, and at the very least, should of covered his house in copious amouts of 2 sided sticky tape. My own personal thoughts....he ran off to find the highly desirable Red Fire Aunties. They have cross bred and spend there evenings singing WE ARE FAM-UH-LEE, while tending the Red Neander eggs.

Don't open that box! Whats in the box?

Lapin Dormant

Oct12-05, 12:36 PM

Don't open that box! Whats in the box?
A song, once sung, the whole world will start singing it, such that, nothing else will get done, and we will all starve to death, thereafter.

What is the title of 'that song' un-sung?

hypatia

Oct12-05, 01:10 PM

I can't tell you, its my ..Doomsday song in a box world domination plot! I half to wait untill I get a sign from a higher power.
I wonder what the sign will be?

Lapin Dormant

Oct12-05, 01:33 PM

I wonder what the sign will be?
Available @ Walmart

When singing the song of Ultimate Galactic-Universal destruction, should we first ask for the Key?

hypatia

Oct13-05, 07:09 AM

No need, the restrooms are always open to the public...Fresh, clean and friendly will be the motto for the new universe!
Now I wonder what we should use the old universe for?

Lapin Dormant

Oct13-05, 10:33 AM

Now I wonder what we should use the old universe for?We will use them to achieve the desired state of No need, thereafter restrooms are always open to the public...Fresh, clean and friendly, with LOTS OF TP as that is the recycle plan for the Old universe, then it willl be the motto for the new universe!

Now that we no longer need T. P. what will we read while we await our Earned & Desired Divine Staus of "No" Need?

hypatia

Oct13-05, 03:56 PM

We, of course, will still read the back of the shampoo bottles..and wonder if Psidium Guajava fruit is really good for our hair?

EnumaElish

Oct13-05, 06:44 PM

We, of course, will still read the back of the shampoo bottles..and wonder if Psidium Guajava fruit is really good for our hair?May we have a quesion? Is your qustion "is Psidium Guajava fruit is really good for our hair?" ? If so I'd like to answer it in the proper fasion.

What is the proper response to a turkey's sneeze?

zoobyshoe

Oct13-05, 07:01 PM

What is the proper response to a turkey's sneeze?
A chicken's Gesundheit.

Speeding, chicken-like, across the road to post the next quetion, will I make it, or be squished by someone posting just a second ahead of me?

EnumaElish

Oct13-05, 07:16 PM

You made it! In worse news, you have just squished the alternative quetion. (Look under your shoe, zooby!)

Why is quetion spelled as queion in this thread?

zoobyshoe

Oct13-05, 08:25 PM

Why is quetion spelled as queion in this thread?
It isn't. I believe you must be dysqexic.

As I race, chicken-like, across the road in my haste to post the next quetion, will I have time to do that and also knock three times on the pate of a slow witted pedestrian who is staring at me breathing through his mouth?

hypatia

Oct13-05, 11:08 PM

You knocked on his liver? No wonder the poor guys panting like a dog, spreading his bird flu everywhere!!!! I think we'd all be safter going to the ends of the earth. Which end has less birds?

zoobyshoe

Oct13-05, 11:35 PM

Which end has less birds?
The end of the earth with the fewest birds will always be that end where nest rental rates are the highest.

As I race, chicken-like, across the road, to post the next quetion before anyone else gets to it, will I also have time to stop and rescue all the salamanders who misread the Salami Crossing sign?

Lapin Dormant

Oct15-05, 04:36 PM

As I race, chicken-like, across the road, to post the next quetion before anyone else gets to it, will I also have time to stop and rescue all the salamanders who misread the Salami Crossing sign?
Certainly Hope so as I hear that they Taste "Just Like Chicken"

If it "Tastes Like Chicken", but it runs like a Snake, How much money does it have in it's wallet?

EnumaElish

Oct16-05, 08:31 PM

If it "Tastes Like Chicken", but it runs like a Snake, How much money does it have in it's wallet?< total profits Roadrunner cartoons ever made.

Is it the economy?

zoobyshoe

Oct18-05, 02:34 AM

Is it the economy?
It's the humdity.

This recent news: an unfortunate rabbit was recently struck and killed while dozing in a nearby thread, dreaming of cosmological matters. The unrepentent female motorist who squished the poor hare was quoted as saying "Of course I didn't try to swerve. He was poised to leap at the throat of my defenseless pet tiger."

Or is it the heat?

EnumaElish

Oct18-05, 09:37 AM

Or is it the heat?Whatever it is, it is unfortunate that she did what she did after announcing that she would not side with any of the parties in conflicts between desert animals.

Does Starbucks have a plan to open smaller stores inside their larger ones, where one may enjoy a favorite beverage upon getting tired from wandering around in the larger store?

Cosmo16

Oct18-05, 10:37 AM

Does Starbucks have a plan to open smaller stores inside their larger ones, where one may enjoy a favorite beverage upon getting tired from wandering around in the larger store?

yes, that why they can even sell more things that are exactly the same thing with a longer name?

Which on the topic, how long untill starbucks opens up inside of dunkin donuts?

hypatia

Oct20-05, 01:25 AM

That should be soon, with there new product line..Dunkin Stars. A kosher five point star, and guaranteed 5 good dunks per serving!

hmm gone only 5 days, and back to find the rabbit's untimely demise...was he a Fricassee'in wabbit?

Cosmo16

Oct20-05, 10:31 AM

hmmm, you would have to ask him.
However, how do you tell a rabbit from a wabbit?

zoobyshoe

Oct21-05, 05:46 AM

However, how do you tell a rabbit from a wabbit?
This requires several courses in biology, bio-physics, bio-engineering, bio-philosophy, physiology, animal husbandry, veternary medicine, and complete mastery of The Way of the Samurai. Regardless of this education, some experts still can't make out the subtle differences and guess.
Recently when I was digging for jellyfish fossils at the beach I happened to dig up an old guitar pick. Upon close inspection I discovered that it had the name B. Wilson scratched into it. Frankly, I was astonished. How did my old college roomate, Bob Wilson's, guitar pick get to a California beach?

coffee na lang dear

Oct21-05, 06:43 AM

Maybe somebody picked it.. :smile:

Why can't we call 11 as onety-one the way we call 21 as twenty one? :biggrin:

El Hombre Invisible

Oct21-05, 08:02 AM

Because that would cause ambiguity when asked how many Taiwans there are in the world.

If I can't think of a stupid question, am I too stupid or not stupid enough?

zoobyshoe

Oct21-05, 09:11 AM

Because that would cause ambiguity when asked how many Taiwans there are in the world.
If I can't think of a stupid question, am I too stupid or not stupid enough?
You're neither. You're a delivery boy. Collecting a bill for a bunch of...grocery clerks.

Are you an assassin?

El Hombre Invisible

Oct21-05, 10:23 AM

You're neither. You're a delivery boy. Collecting a bill for a bunch of...grocery clerks.
Are you an assassin?
I am a soldier. Dipped in egg yolk.
Why is this conversation going in reverse?

zoobyshoe

Oct21-05, 11:26 AM

I am a soldier. Dipped in egg yolk.
Why is this conversation going in reverse?
No one installed the forward software.

Is reststance futile?

Math Is Hard

Oct21-05, 04:19 PM

No one installed the forward software.
Is reststance futile?
Yes. All your base are belong to us.

Why is Zooby using a nekkid pichur of himself for his avatar?

hypatia

Oct21-05, 08:15 PM

If ya got it, flaunt it!

You can have my base's, but you can't have my peanutbutter...mmmmm why is Jiff the creamy-ist?

Cosmo16

Oct21-05, 09:18 PM

Jiff is the creamist because, seceretly, they do not actually use peanuts!

Who is responsible for ending this conspirisy of epic proportions!

coffee na lang dear

Oct22-05, 05:29 AM

who cares! :biggrin:

what's the difference between conspirisy and conspiracy?

zoobyshoe

Oct22-05, 05:32 AM

Who is responsible for ending this conspirisy of epic proportions!
This conspirisy, of epic proportions, was ended by Mrs. Bertha Washington, of, coincidently, Washington. D.C. U.S.A., one day last month when she cracked into the D.O.D. computer base by complete accident while trying to access a website that had come to her attention for it's spectacular promises of a free, revolutionary formula, that anyone can make in their own kitchen, for cleaning drapes. She was exited. She typed fast and sloppy. She ended up at the DOD. Confused, she hit delete, and in the blink of an eye, an astonishing amount of critical conspirisy data was recycled into showtune lyrics.

Are you going to eat that or just play with it?

coffee na lang dear

Oct22-05, 05:38 AM

just want to play zoob...:biggrin:

can somebody tell me if gumshoe have sizes? :smile:

zoobyshoe

Oct22-05, 05:46 AM

can somebody tell me if gumshoe have sizes? :smile:
Yes, someone could tell you.

What would they say?

coffee na lang dear

Oct22-05, 07:10 AM

errr....size 6? hahahha :rofl:

d' ya think it will fit?

Just some guy

Oct22-05, 08:51 AM

Yes, but only if they want to fit

How many meese am I permitted to hunt in the Andorran hunting season?

zoobyshoe

Oct22-05, 09:03 AM

How many meese am I permitted to hunt in the Andorran hunting season?
No, you're confused. The Andorran hunting season is for the meese to hunt you.

Say, I'm trying to sleep. Can't you turn your headlights off?

MSI

Oct26-05, 12:20 AM

dude , you are sleeping in the wrong place !

what is the difference between a mad cow and a mad cat ?

Townsend

Oct26-05, 12:21 AM

what is the difference between a mad cow and a mad cat ?

None at all. A mad cow is a mad cat...

Which way is up?

zoobyshoe

Oct26-05, 05:35 AM

Which way is up?
I'm afraid we can't just release that information willy nilly to any random quetioner who come along. Please fill out the form on page 76 of the application booklet #26-17-234C, Appeals For Orientation, and submit it, with your check, money order, or credit card info (US fee: $327.00) before the deadline date for your state and county (see table on page 65 of the pamphlet #98-21-23-554G, Filing Deadlines For Appeals For Orientations For Your State And County.

Did you fill this form out yourself?

Math Is Hard

Oct28-05, 05:36 PM

Did you fill this form out yourself?
I'm sure he did. The filling out of this form became such an time-consuming endeavor that he found it necessary to have himself banned from PF just to ensure that he had enough time to complete it before the deadline.

And speaking of time-consuming things - damn this periodic table! :mad: I'll never remember it all. Why can't they just arrange the elements alphabetically? That would make much more sense! :grumpy:

zoobyshoe

Oct28-05, 06:54 PM

Why can't they just arrange the elements alphabetically?
They've tried many time but it turned out not to be possible to teach any of the elements the alphabet.

Hey, I'm trying to post here! Could you get that security alert out of the way?

jimmie

Oct28-05, 10:41 PM

Could you get that security alert out of the way?

Brutus, step aside.

Does that stairway go upstairs? And if yes, how do I go downstairs after I go upstairs?

o:)

zoobyshoe

Oct28-05, 11:23 PM

Does that stairway go upstairs?
No one knows. Unsolved Mysteries once did an episode about that stairway. It used to go in the Winchester House but it was removed and moved, Then moved again. We could speak of that latter instance as a re-moval, but not a removal.

Couldn't we?

jimmie

Oct28-05, 11:57 PM

A former ladder-maker man I used to know, a cousin three steps removed, would have been happy to remove himself from work to discuss the latter topic with you, and I am sure he would have found it moving.

However, he re-moved himself from being a ladder-maker so he could move and become a vegetable-grower, giving him more time to discuss the latter farmer instance rather than the former ladder instance, which I find moving.

Which reminds me, how many steps are there in the 12-step program for my cousin that is three steps removed?

o:)

zoobyshoe

Oct29-05, 09:33 AM

Which reminds me, how many steps are there in the 12-step program for my cousin that is three steps removed?
Well, the steps in 12 step programs for people trying to remove themselves from habitual laddering are referred to as "rungs" and there are just enough of them. That is: there are plenty.

Recently when I tried to print out a page of information about a new, interesting digital product, what emerged from the printer instead was one of Wolram's slippers. How do you suppose that happened?

QueenFisher

Oct29-05, 11:14 AM

the hamster did it.

what's the point in Daylight Saving Time? we don't actually gain any time at all

matthyaouw

Oct29-05, 01:15 PM

I means it gets light before 10am if you are Scottish. I deeply suspect that the main reason however is to confuse people and make it near impossible to figure out when to go and wait for your taxi when leaving a nighclub at around 2 or 3am.

Why do greengrocers write prices on the side of pumpkins in permanent marker, when they know you are only going to use them for display purposes?

EnumaElish

Oct29-05, 06:55 PM

Math Is Hard

Oct30-05, 04:23 PM

I will write some cursory answer so I get to ask my really, really stupid question: "because that's the only kind of labeling on Halloween pumpkins acceptable to the Office of Grocery Greens, Labels and Writing Instruments, a regulatory body also known as OfGrog."
When people shorten their names, what happens to the extra letters? When Thomas becomes Tom, where does h, a, and s each go? When Elizabeth becomes Lib, who takes in E, z, a, e, t, h?
These letters go to people named Sha and Theeza, who live in the Tined
Teats of Cameri, a poor-third world nation that cannot afford letters and must rely of the generosity of donations from other people around the world.

If a raccoon bites you and it doesn't have rabies is there still a chance you might turn into a vampire raccoon? or would you become a were-raccoon?

coffee na lang dear

Oct31-05, 03:18 AM

Try to look em in the Lost & Found section dear.

What does a nickel say to a penny?

jimmie

Oct31-05, 10:41 AM

What does a nickel say to a penny?

I've got more common sense than you.

Why did the guy at Chrysler dodge the question about why he could not afford more ram in the computer that determines how GM food affects people with children in Lincoln, NB that want to buy toy yodas?

o:)

EnumaElish

Nov5-05, 02:53 AM

Because if it hadn't happened exactly like you described, then a woman in Beijing would have to duck a question about her inability to stuff more goat cheese in the dish she had prepared, thus having to use GM food that had the nota bene No genetic materials were used in the
making of this food stuff, honest, a be-
lief that you will have to live with.printed on a side panel of its packaging.

Within the set of all possible answers to a question, are stupid answers a dense subset?

zoobyshoe

Nov5-05, 11:17 PM

Within the set of all possible answers to a question, are stupid answers a dense subset?
I will write some cursory answer so I get to ask my really, really stupid question: "because that's the only kind of labeling on Halloween pumpkins acceptable to the Office of Grocery Greens, Labels and Writing Instruments, a regulatory body also known as OfGrog."

Once when I was repelling down a particularly steep cliff somewhere in the Pamirs in some exceptionally bitter cold weather, I happened to notice that there was some sort of tiny sherpa-like character strolling up the cliff near me without the benefit of any ropes or other rock climbing equipment. He was about 7 inches tall, and was walking straight up the cliff in an outright horizontal attitude. I beckoned him over to me wanting to ask how he did it, but he put his hand to his mouth and shouted "Nope! I'm happy with my present telephone service, thank you very much!" It occured to me then, that he must be psychotic and hallucinating from exposure, and saw me as some sort of large telephone. So I shouted back "I'm not a telephone!"

"That's what every telephone thinks!" he replied, and scurried quickly up, out of earshot. "Well" I mused to myself as I paused to dump some shavings out, "It's a sad state of affairs when a 7 inch sherpa can't tell a telephone from an electric pencil sharpener," and I continued to descend the rock face, hoping to make it to the wall socket I could see several hundred feet down where I could plug myself in for the night.

How was he walking up the cliff like that?

hypatia

Nov8-05, 04:52 AM

It was his magnatron boots, if you would of looked closer he was only stepping on the iron rich stones.

We had a giant wind storm, and all the leaves that I failed to rake, danced like so many insane pixies, befor swooshing up to the sky and vanishing.
Were they dancing a Box Trott or a Waltz?

Kazza_765

Nov8-05, 08:11 AM

Neither, the leaves actually blew to your house all the way from Cuba, they were dancing a rumba.

Why were the leaves so desperate to leave Cuba?

Erzeon

Nov8-05, 03:32 PM

They were being fired at with missiles.

Whats 987654321 x 0 ?

jimmie

Nov8-05, 05:49 PM

The length and width dimensions, in inches, of the chinese alphabet.

After Acme Corporation added a new CEO to its widget division, why did sales multiply in minus zero temperatures?

tribdog

Nov8-05, 06:48 PM

What else would you expect sales of widgets to multiply in plus zero temperatures? I hardly think so. so the answer is of course: bran.

If a raccoon bites you and it doesn't have rabies is there still a chance you might turn into a vampire raccoon? or would you become a were-raccoon?

jimmie

Nov8-05, 07:01 PM

hypatia

Nov8-05, 09:31 PM

No, I couldn't.

Speaking of time, how is it that it stands still and flys?

jimmie

Nov8-05, 10:34 PM

It doesn't stand still, or fly; it's just an optical illusion that depends upon internal perception. :rolleyes:

Speaking of internal optical perceptions, did you hear the joke about the pedestrian that was too chicken to cross the road?

Kazza_765

Nov8-05, 11:24 PM

No, but I did hear the joke about the chicken that was too pedestrian to cross the road.

Where did I leave my wallet? I really can't find it, been looking for over an hour now.

ChronicQuantumAddict

Nov8-05, 11:27 PM

I have it in my sock drawer, i'll give it to you for 5 bucks ;o)

Why does a mirror only reflect an image backwards from side-to-side, but not up and down?

ChronicQuantumAddict

Nov8-05, 11:30 PM

There is a small, remote chance of turning into a were-raccoon. However, they are not called "were-raccoons"; they are called "pandas".
If you knew what time it is, could you tell me what time it is?

by the way, if i told u the time it would no longer be that time, and hence, i would have to tell u the time for an infinite amount of time, but that would take too much time...

Kazza_765

Nov9-05, 12:25 AM

Because mirrors have chronic dyslexia.

Who's face do I see when I look in the mirror?

hypatia

Nov9-05, 12:30 AM

You must see me, cause I'm in every mirror I look at.

Are all bloggers boreing, or do they blog because they are bored?

jimmie

Nov9-05, 12:34 AM

Why does a mirror only reflect an image backwards from side-to-side, but not up and down?

It does, but you gotta tilt your head.

Speaking of reflections, can you remember the good ole days?

zoobyshoe

Nov9-05, 01:22 AM

Are all bloggers boreing, or do they blog because they are bored?
They are all boring and bored, but that's not the reason they blog. They blog in order not to waste a semester of typing lessons.

Recently, or perhaps even earlier than that, a message appeared on my screen informing me that Windows xp cannot open files written in Chirplinger. This was a surprise, since I wasn't aware I was trying to do such a thing. What is Chirplinger and who uses it?

hypatia

Nov11-05, 05:08 PM

Chirplinger..the silent scripting scream of a PC mouse when its full of dust bunnies.
Just how many times will I go to the kitchen to get coffee and come back to the "puter room to find I have left it in the kitchen...hint...its 3 times already:redface:

tribdog

Nov13-05, 12:15 AM

at least one more time

how much therd will it take to sew scott1s mouth shut?

dgoodpasture2005

Nov13-05, 12:20 AM

This is post 2529

jimmie

Nov13-05, 12:46 PM

This is post 2529

uhhh...maybe in Newfoundland, but here at PF, THIS is post 2529. :biggrin:

So, dgoodpasture2005, you posted the Yin, where's the Yang?

The Bob

Nov21-05, 06:05 AM

uhhh...maybe in Newfoundland, but here at PF, THIS is post 2529. :biggrin:

So, dgoodpasture2005, you posted the Yin, where's the Yang?

I don't know where it has gone but why do I have to type in the quick reply to get a quote?

The Bob (2004 ©)

EnumaElish

Nov22-05, 10:10 AM

To be quotable you have to be NotAble.

What is the one most defining experience that made you who you are?

Cosmo16

Nov22-05, 10:30 AM

What is the one most defining experience that made you who you are?

When I was born.

How do you know if you were ever actually born?

Carla1

Dec2-05, 06:16 AM

When I was born.
How do you know if you were ever actually born?

You're here to ask the question.

How do you know if you have asked the question?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec2-05, 08:37 AM

How do you know if you have asked the question?
Someone puts it in quote tags and posts it back to you.

But if someone quotes you as asking a question you didn't ask, how would you know you didn't ask it?

zoobyshoe

Dec2-05, 08:55 AM

But if someone quotes you as asking a question you didn't ask, how would you know you didn't ask it?
You would have to peform a DNA test.
But if the DNA test proved you had written a post you couldn't recall having written, would that mean the post had been fertilized by sperm stolen by gray space aliens?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec2-05, 09:46 AM

But if the DNA test proved you had written a post you couldn't recall having written, would that mean the post had been fertilized by sperm stolen by gray space aliens?
Who else would be responsible for the new-look Physics Forum? Think about it. They've integrated themselves among us, changed our habitat to resemble their mothership and no doubt are reformatting our atmosphere as we speak, and are now busy quoting us as saying things we never did with the soul aim of stealing our sperm to prove we did say those things with which they will then impregnate the alien queen and form a new race of Thread Killers!

But then how can- hang on, is this me or you?

zoobyshoe

Dec2-05, 11:11 AM

But then how can- hang on, is this me or you?
It is I: MoDean.
(on a you eff oh)
Is that you, MoDean?

Blahness

Dec2-05, 11:57 AM

But maybe he THOUGHT it was a stupid question...
And your answer is not stupid ;_;. STUPID UN-STUPID ANSWERS!!!

Why do kids get so excited near christmas, when some fat guy empties his sack in their stockings?

enlil

Dec3-05, 08:06 AM

ok,here comes the stuped one:
Why do people tend to give presents they would actualy like to get for Christmass?!

Hope that was stupid enough..:redface:

Dec3-05, 08:08 AM

ok,here comes the stuped one:
Why do people tend to give presents they would actualy like to get for Christmass?!:
Because they're idiots?

Who wants some Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper with a lemon twist?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec3-05, 12:51 PM

Because they're idiots?
Who wants some Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper with a lemon twist?
Sure, but hold the cherry and the vanilla and the pepper and the lemon. And the twist. And the diet. Just get me a doctor. I'm not a well man.

Why, contrary to Mk's post, is there no period in "Dr Pepper"?

turbo

Dec3-05, 02:23 PM

Sure, but hold the cherry and the vanilla and the pepper and the lemon. And the twist. And the diet. Just get me a doctor. I'm not a well man.
Why, contrary to Mk's post, is there no period in "Dr Pepper"?The name is pointless.

If all quizzes are tests, and some quizzes are quizzical, are some tests testicles?

Danger

Dec3-05, 02:54 PM

No, but paternity tests are related.

Can a guy force woman to take a maternity test if he doesn't know who the mother of his baby is?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec3-05, 03:37 PM

Can a guy force woman to take a maternity test if he doesn't know who the mother of his baby is?
No, equal rights means that he can only force her to take a paternity test.

Is it wrong in this day and age that only women have breasts? I mean, get with the times people!!!

turbo

Dec3-05, 07:15 PM

Is it wrong in this day and age that only women have breasts? I mean, get with the times people!!!Good advice. I understand the health insurance at the Times covers that procedure.

My neighbor recently bought a "hot water heater". I have a tank-y thing in my cellar that heats up the cold water and it's good enough for me. Is he just another rich yuppie showing up the neighbors?

zoobyshoe

Dec4-05, 06:53 AM

My neighbor recently bought a "hot water heater". I have a tank-y thing in my cellar that heats up the cold water and it's good enough for me. Is he just another rich yuppie showing up the neighbors?
Yeah, heating hot water. There's something incredibly lazy about it.

Recently when I was camped out on day three of my wait in an Emergency Room with yellow matter custard dripping from some kind of sinus infection I was startled into near ecstasy to hear my name called, a miracle which meant that the four hours of paperwork preliminary to becoming an official patient in waiting there was about to begin. As I crawled on all fours to the glass window, the room began swimming and swirling around me, I felt the blood leave my head, and just before I lost consciousness I'm positive I heard someone say "Hey, he don't look so good. Sumbuddy call a amulance!"

Firefox or Opera?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec4-05, 12:37 PM

Recently when I was camped out on day three of my wait in an Emergency Room with yellow matter custard dripping from some kind of sinus infection I was startled into near ecstasy to hear my name called, a miracle which meant that the four hours of paperwork preliminary to becoming an official patient in waiting there was about to begin. As I crawled on all fours to the glass window, the room began swimming and swirling around me, I felt the blood leave my head, and just before I lost consciousness I'm positive I heard someone say "Hey, he don't look so good. Sumbuddy call a amulance!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Firefox or Opera?

Or newly announced: Firefox the opera!

Madame Butterfly is playing Sydney Opera House when I'm there. So got tickets. Fair play, she must be really old. How long has she been performing now?

zoobyshoe

Dec5-05, 02:20 AM

How long has she been performing now?
Some estimates are as high as 135 years, but most agree that figure is impossible. Mrs. Butterfly, herself, is typically silent on the subject, and has treated requests to carbon date her as beneath her dignity.
Why do you want to pin me to a piece of cardboard on this? Isn't a lady's age, like her opinions, subject to constant revision?

turbo

Dec5-05, 10:58 PM

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Or newly announced: Firefox the opera!
Madame Butterfly is playing Sydney Opera House when I'm there. So got tickets. Fair play, she must be really old. How long has she been performing now?I don't think you can pin her down on this one.

Paper or plastic?

Livingod

Dec5-05, 11:06 PM

Paper, we still have many rainforests to get rid of.

Would you like to be able to teleport, or read people's minds?

zoobyshoe

Dec6-05, 12:01 AM

I don't think you can pin her down on this one.
Paper or plastic?
Turbo, please don't anser quetions that have already been anserd. Anser the next quetion posed

El Hombre Invisible

Dec6-05, 08:25 AM

Why do you want to pin me to a piece of cardboard on this? Isn't a lady's age, like her opinions, subject to constant revision?
Yes, a lady's, indeed anyone's, age is constantly revised in a process known as the "passage of time", the antithesis of which is "preservation".

Now, Madame Butterfly, have you met Monsieur Killing Germ?

zoobyshoe

Dec6-05, 03:10 PM

Now, Madame Butterfly, have you met Monsieur Killing Germ?

I don't believe she has, but I bet she's fluttered away from Monsieur Killing Jar once or twice.

Recently when I was typing up the story of my latest encounter with the undead for a small tabloid to which I occasionally submit such adventures for a small remuneration, I was startled to find the words begin to appear on the screen without any imput on my part to the keyboard. At about the same time I noticed, due to an open window, (the actual physical kind) that nothing outside was making a sound. Peering out, I saw that the whole sky above was blocked out by nothing less than one of those black, flying, Bermuda triangles you hear so much about. Suddenly, my car battery went dead. I'm not sure how I knew that, since it wasn't running at the time, but it seems you can always just sense these things, doesn't it?

It was clear to me, too, that despite my vicadin/banana brandy diet of the preceeding four days, and my recently escalated practice of banging myself on the head with a small, easily handled piece of 2x4 lumber to help me concentrate, that all these phenomena were "the real thing". You can just sense these things.

Tearing my clothes off, I rushed out into the street pointed to the flying, black, Bermuda triangle above, and began shouting "They're here! They're here!" This turned out to be harder to explain to the police officers who showed up than you'd expect. They pretended to be in denial about the thing in the sky, and refused to acknowledge it.

Anyway, which one of you called them?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec7-05, 05:55 AM

Recently when I was typing up the story of my latest encounter with the undead for a small tabloid to which I occasionally submit such adventures for a small remuneration, I was startled to find the words begin to appear on the screen without any imput on my part to the keyboard. At about the same time I noticed, due to an open window, (the actual physical kind) that nothing outside was making a sound. Peering out, I saw that the whole sky above was blocked out by nothing less than one of those black, flying, Bermuda triangles you hear so much about. Suddenly, my car battery went dead. I'm not sure how I knew that, since it wasn't running at the time, but it seems you can always just sense these things, doesn't it?
It was clear to me, too, that despite my vicadin/banana brandy diet of the preceeding four days, and my recently escalated practice of banging myself on the head with a small, easily handled piece of 2x4 lumber to help me concentrate, that all these phenomena were "the real thing". You can just sense these things.
Tearing my clothes off, I rushed out into the street pointed to the flying, black, Bermuda triangle above, and began shouting "They're here! They're here!" This turned out to be harder to explain to the police officers who showed up than you'd expect. They pretended to be in denial about the thing in the sky, and refused to acknowledge it.
Anyway, which one of you called them?

That's peculiar. I was sitting at my desk recently typing up my story about a brown shag rug that attacks people and eats them for publication in a popular sci-fi/fantasy magazine. I was writing into the wee hours, sustaining my imagination and staving off sleep with a constant supply of coffee. I was wondering if anything like my story could happen in real life when suddenly I heard a scream of "They're here! They're here!" outside my window. It was hard to make out the figure standing out in the street at first due to the late hour but I did notice that the figure was wearing triangular-shaped sunglasses for no discernable reason. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I at first thought the figure was a particularly hairy naked man, but as they adjusted further I realised that no-one could be that hairy. I looked at my typewriter, looked again at the screaming figure outside, and I knew. That story wasn't fiction. The brown shag rug was real and attacking someone in front of my very eyes. I called the police and explained the situation, but then a funny thing happened.

As I downed the last of my now-cold cup of coffee, the room suddenly became brighter, as if illuminated only by the tiny little sparkles that now surrounded me. I felt weightless, as if I was being lifted from the floor by some force. I looked down at my type writer. All of a sudden, the little letters I had typed started to move, first one, then another, then gradually all of them - they were dancing and singing and it was so captivating I started to join in with my penny whistle. The letters followed me out of my room, down the stairs, out of the door and down the street, and with a click of my heels we went over the hill and far away.

And when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Which of you basts nabbed it?

zoobyshoe

Dec7-05, 07:49 AM

Which of you basts nabbed it?
The pillow was abstracted from your dwelling by three Men-In-Black who were to deliver it to Area 51 here by 3 A.M. for extensive testing. We're interested in the effect certain new mineral fibers recently brought back from an asteroid found in Antarctica have on people's psyche. As a side project we wanted to see if they might have any effect on your cloak of invisibility: a handful of those fibers was surreptitiously stuffed into your pillow several weeks ago. Now we want them back. (If you happen to have drooled on them in your sleep you will have released a rather interesting gas. I'll wager rechecking the number of your toes will reveal something amusing.)

So, is El Hombre Invisible, now visible?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec7-05, 09:12 AM

So, is El Hombre Invisible, now visible?
I re-checked my toes and I still can't see any so I'm guessing: yes, still invisible.

However you were right about finding something amusing. While looking through where I would see my toes were they not invisible, my gaze was captured by a black and white photograph of myself as a young man holding a newspaper and a rifle. I thought this interesting because the shadow cast by my body on the ground was at a different angle to the one cast by my nose on my face, clearly demonstrating I had forged the photograph.

But if so, then whose nose was it?

zoobyshoe

Dec7-05, 05:54 PM

However you were right about finding something amusing. While looking through where I would see my toes were they not invisible, my gaze was captured by a black and white photograph of myself as a young man holding a newspaper and a rifle. I thought this interesting because the shadow cast by my body on the ground was at a different angle to the one cast by my nose on my face, clearly demonstrating I had forged the photograph.
But if so, then whose nose was it?
The nose responsible for casting the confusing shadow is none other than the one obviously missing from the great face monument (nicknamed "facial") we discovered on the surface of Mars. We've been looking everywhere for it. It has always been suspected that the nose in the black and white photo exhibited shadow casting properties "not of this earth" but this clinches the matter: the Martians were not introducing themselves, but trying to warn us about Oswald.

What do you suppose they were trying to warn us about with their "canals"?

Moonbear

Dec7-05, 11:09 PM

What was the question asked before the newbie got here?
"I wonder if anyone would be interested in a stupid quetion game?" Ooh, my stupid anser is also a stupid quetion. I'm so proud of myself! :approve: It's like that time I was watching tribdog light his Christmas tree and he also lit himself up. It was really quite an interesting evening. There I was with my binoculars, perched carefully in that cactus outside his apartment (maybe not quite carefully enough, but that's another story entirely), waiting to capture the perfect moment for America's Funniest Videos, when much to my wandering eyes should appear, a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. Well, it was part of the Christmas ornaments he put up on the lawn. So, I decided my perch in the cactus was a bit precarious, so moved to sit in the sleigh.

As I was watching the smoke pouring out of tribdog's head and he started twitching, I couldn't help but wonder, just what did he have as the topper on his tree?

Enuma_Elish

Dec8-05, 01:23 PM

Something improper.

Does this post deserve to be deleted by a mentor?

___

Dec8-05, 01:33 PM

no. i dont actually know, i m not a mentor.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

zoobyshoe

Dec8-05, 01:51 PM

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
This was your ancestor, Grunty Blank, the first Neanderthal to encounter a cow. Grunty thought the cow was a deformed newborn auroch. At least that's what he told me.
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."Sorry, you used up your one allowed quetion. Your quetion account is now overdrawn. There'll be an overdraft fee.

How much will Blankman be charged?

___

Dec8-05, 02:03 PM

This was your ancestor, Grunty Blank, the first Neanderthal to encounter a cow. Grunty thought the cow was a deformed newborn auroch. At least that's what he told me.
Sorry, you used up your one allowed quetion. Your quetion account is now overdrawn. There'll be an overdraft fee.
How much will Blankman be charged?

-$1,00000000 :biggrin:

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

EDIT: ok i changed my question:

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

zoobyshoe

Dec8-05, 02:18 PM

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Well, Blankman has just spilled the beans. He's really Blankgirl.

Why did Blankgirl get reincarnated?

___

Dec9-05, 03:34 PM

Well, Blankman has just spilled the beans. He's really Blankgirl.
Why did Blankgirl get reincarnated?
blankgirl never really did reincarnate.
so here is a question:
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

zoobyshoe

Dec9-05, 03:44 PM

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

That was your ancestor, Ovus Blank. Ovus was an australopithicene lady who took her discovery of the egg all the way to the invention of the hard boiled egg some years later. She related the whole story to me one afternoon. I don't speak australopithicene, though, and didn't understand a word. Still, the way she said it was very convincing, and I don't suspect she was telling me anything but the absolute truth.

How old was I at the time?

hypatia

Dec10-05, 01:17 AM

You were 6, 6 yr olds believe anything.
Tsu, is going to have a burn day, I want a burn day too!
What should I burn?

zoobyshoe

Dec10-05, 04:14 AM

What should I burn?
Invite the president over and see if a burning bush can really talk.

Will I now be shot for treason?

Livingod

Dec10-05, 12:36 PM

No, you can only be tried (let alone shot) for treason if you openly make a threat to take the president's life. Threatening to burn the president doesn't neccesarily kill him.

Jalapeno or Chili powder?

hypatia

Dec10-05, 01:31 PM

I perfer the flavor of Jalapeno's...and roasted ones! yummy!

My monitor took a nose dive today, sparks, smoke..the whole nine yards!
I tossed it into the snow bank next to the patio, do you think it would make a good base to build a snowman on?

Math Is Hard

Dec11-05, 05:33 AM

My monitor took a nose dive today, sparks, smoke..the whole nine yards!
I tossed it into the snow bank next to the patio, do you think it would make a good base to build a snowman on?
Funny you said that. Recently my snowman went kaput on me (as they are wont to do in the SoCal climate), so I decided to assemble it into a big slushy snow-monitor. If you squint really hard and have a good imagination it's just as good as the internet.

This morning as I was slithering under the covers, trying to avoid the freezing 65 degree F chill of the turning weather, I came across my chemistry homework. There were some problems that I had not yet finished so I set about to work on them. I have these lovely laminated "Qwik-notes" that I use for my classes and they come in a variety of subjects. Unfortunately they all look alike, and it's possible I got the French Qwik-notes mixed up with the Chem Qwik-notes. Rather than balancing my redox reactions, I may have translated them into the Plus que Parfait du Subjonctif.

Does it really make any difference?

___

Dec11-05, 06:58 AM

i guess no.

why do the alphabets and "twinkle twinkle little star" have same tune?
stop singing and post.......

Entropy

Dec11-05, 07:01 AM

I had a nightmare once that they merged french and chemistry and killed myself because they merged the two worst subjects of my highschool life.

Can you scratch this spot for me, it really itches?

___

Dec11-05, 07:13 AM

your question reminds me of a joke:
there was a man in front of a urinal (he had no hands).
another man there, seeing his problen went to help. "can i help you?"
"o! yes, please, as you can see, i can't do it."
the good man opened his ziper and saw that the man's penis had red spots and was covered in thick pus :yuck:
however the good man went on.
the man with bad penis did his job and took his hands out of his shirt! and was ready to go.
the good man struck in awe, asked him "whats wrong with your private?"
the man with bad peins" i dont know but i aint F***ing touching it!!! thanks, for help, mate," and he waved good bye.

why wasnt my question answered? :cry:

Entropy

Dec11-05, 07:21 AM

You'll get an answer when someone scratches me.

Will someone give me some food?

___

Dec11-05, 07:41 AM

you are in the McDonalds near me right?

why dont you get some there? :biggrin:

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 08:37 AM

why dont you get some there? :biggrin:
After "the incident" he can stand outside, but they won't let him in.

Recently when I was at a McDonald's near me, I decided not to try the new McDahlia sandwich, despite the fact the picture of it looked pretty.

Did I make the right decision?

___

Dec11-05, 09:02 AM

After "the incident" he can stand outside, but they won't let him in.
Recently when I was at a McDonald's near me, I decided not to try the new McDahlia sandwich, despite the fact the picture of it looked pretty.
Did I make the right decision?

no!!!:cool:
why didnt you try it?

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 09:19 AM

no!!!:cool:
why didnt you try it?
Because in twenty years who will care if I tried it? I won't.

Recently I realized something was bothering me. I've been remembering that twenty years ago I never bothered to try the new McTurnip sandwich. Now they don't serve it anymore.

How could I have been so shortsighted?

___

Dec11-05, 09:26 AM

Because in twenty years who will care if I tried it? I won't.
Recently I realized something was bothering me. I've been remembering that twenty years ago I never bothered to try the new McTurnip sandwich. Now they don't serve it anymore.
How could I have been so shortsighted?
see, as i predicted. you didnt try McTurnip 20 try ago and are regretting now.
20 years later, there will be another post saying the same thing.

why do we get lights in the fridge but not in the freezer?

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 09:45 AM

why do we get lights in the fridge but not in the freezer?
To make people like me ask people like you what is so stupid about that quetion.

When will blank child learn to write it's own stupid quetions and stop googling for them?

___

Dec11-05, 10:17 AM

To make people like me ask people like you what is so stupid about that quetion.
When will blank child learn to write it's own stupid quetions and stop googling for them?
that was my question....:grumpy:
when will sir zoobyshoe start guessing correctly (luckily):biggrin:

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 10:30 AM

when will sir zoobyshoe start guessing correctly (luckily):biggrin:
I did guess correctly. Unfortunately my browser dropped out of the particular alternate universe in which my guess was correct and into this one before I finished posting.

Which alternate universe is this again?

___

Dec11-05, 10:39 AM

I did guess correctly. Unfortunately my browser dropped out of the particular alternate universe in which my guess was correct and into this one before I finished posting.
Which alternate universe is this again?
your avatar is duplicate one, so you are not the one of this universe. there fore you are in wrong universe...
will he make a come back?
stay tuned...on BBC 4....

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 10:52 AM

will he make a come back?
stay tuned...on BBC 4....
BBC 4? I must have landed in the U.K.

Wait. Is this an episode of "Sliders" or "Quantum Leap"?

___

Dec11-05, 12:56 PM

BBC 4? I must have landed in the U.K.
Wait. Is this an episode of "Sliders" or "Quantum Leap"?
none...
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

zoobyshoe

Dec11-05, 01:21 PM

none...
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
None.

Does the existence of blank people belie the notion that guys who are shooting blanks can't father children?

El Hombre Invisible

Dec12-05, 05:51 AM

Does the existence of blank people belie the notion that guys who are shooting blanks can't father children?
If so, then I will not shoot blank or his ilk... I intend to have lots of invisible children as I will probably keep losing them.

Does blank have a blankety-blank chequebook and pen?

zoobyshoe

Dec12-05, 06:34 AM

oes blank have a blankety-blank chequebook and pen?
Blank may well have such a thing, but I can't say since I suspect "blankety-blank" to be a euphemism for "ostritch-skin" although it might also mean "depleted-uranium" or "freezer-burned".

Last night my doorbell rang and that came a quite a shock since I had disconnected it two months ago. When I opened the door, though, sure enough there was a door to door doorbell salesman. He'd brought his own, y'see. How did he know?

EnumaElish

Dec13-05, 01:23 PM

He was playing the odds.

If he knew it was the wrong door, why did he ring the bell in the first place?

The Bob

Dec17-05, 07:11 PM

Clearly stupidity.

What is the reason for sliced bread?

MSI

Dec19-05, 08:44 AM

the baker was testing his new knife

why ... birds ?

Livingod

Dec19-05, 09:05 AM

Because man has loved them and has wanted to imitate them since the dawn of time. Hence, we have planes, paragliders, and astronauts.

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?

zoobyshoe

Dec21-05, 10:48 PM

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?
Life without spice was harsh and even brutal. Many took to going to raves and overindulgence in ecstasy and special-K. There was alot of black leather and sado-masochism. Just about everyone was a Goth back then. Cinnamon deprivation drove them to extremes of excess. The French Toast was bland, and day after day, year after year of Starbucks without a dash of cinnamon now and then precipitated a kind of mass insanity the likes of which we, in the modern world, cannot comprehend.

Recently, when I was reading the biography of Ogg, inventer of the wheel, I was impressed by how few remember this forgotten genius' accomplishments. His struggle to overcome the derision of his peers "If God had wanted man to roll, he'd had given him wheels!", and the scorn of his arrogant, Cro-Magnon physics teacher, who would wander over to him from flint knapping and say things like: "Ogg, you're a crackpot. You think you're going to roll something somewhere? Huh? You think you're going to take the effort out of pulling and dragging? Let me tell you something. There's no free lunch, Ogg. You don't get something for nothing. What you're trying to do there is perpetual motion!"

But stalwart Ogg pressed on, ablaze with the yearning to win everlasting fame as the First inventor of the wheel. "Fame! Fame! Fame!" Ogg would think to himself, "I'm a frickin' genius!'

But Ogg didn't really think of the wheel all by himself. He had learned of it through the obscure cave-wall scratchings of Grolla, father of wheel theory. These were on the wall at the back of the cave near the pile where they threw the trash, so it was messy work to go back and read them, and was the only place they would let old Grolla scratch his crackpot notions of round discs mounted on shafts.

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.

Math Is Hard

Dec21-05, 11:52 PM

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.
ahh.. Old Grolla. I remember reading about his legacy in my pseudoancient history class, and of his ejection from cave society by the FCC (Fanatical Conservative Cavemen) group for his depictions of shafts being inserted into the central openings of disks. This was interpreted at the time to be graphical representations of cave-porn.

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?

zoobyshoe

Dec22-05, 12:52 AM

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?
That was Picasspharoah, not a ruler, actually, but a ruler: he was discovered to be absolutely average in all his measurements, so they tattooed him with equally spaced divisions up and down, side to side, front to back, and forced him to be on call for whenever there was an argument about deviation from the mean average dimension of any thing in the land. In the performance of his duties, Picasspharoah frequently was required to adopt unusual postures (e.g. during measurements of camel and ox dimensions) and as records of the measurement were inscribed in stone in the form of visual representations of him at work, the famous Egyptian style was born. People all over the land adopted the lateral lifestyle.

I have a vague recollection of mention of Picasspharoah's "kohl" period. What the heck is that about?

Livingod

Dec23-05, 11:19 AM

Picasspharoah's 'kohl' period was right before the revolution he instigated against the pharoah. It was when he was forved to work in "kohl" mines by measuring the diameter of each and every "kohl" piece. Picasspharoah was indeed racist and did not want to come home looking black. He decided it was time for a change, so he started a coup. The period between when he was conscripted to the "kohl" mines and the start of the revolution against to Pharoah Yunanlastiramadiklarimizdanmisiniz is considered the "Kohl" period.

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?

zoobyshoe

Dec23-05, 12:13 PM

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?
The figure "$1980" is not actually a sum of money you owe. It is secret code delivered to you via the credit card company from David Letterman. You are to understand it as a reference to the first year he laid eyes on you and fell madly in love. You are further to infer it means he wants you to move to N.Y. and become his co-host.

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?

EnumaElish

Dec23-05, 01:46 PM

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?The Welsh invented DVDs. DVD originally meant Double V Diaspora; where "double V" was understood to be "W = Welsh."

When is David Letterman going to retire?

rachmaninoff

Dec23-05, 03:08 PM

When is David Letterman going to retire?
Soon.

Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?

zoobyshoe

Dec23-05, 10:20 PM

Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?
Not me. I stick exclusively to the ane talk shows.

Anyway, I was down at the beach today, and struck up a conversation with a very ane looking gentleman at a coffee shop who was reading a book about icthyological matters of one kind or another. It occured to me that the "Jesus fish" symbol might be called "ictheological" by some clever person. I didn't mention it because ane people tend to be annoyed by that kind of humor. All that's prelude however because the high point of the conversation was the precision bombing incident perpetrated on the person of the ane man by a squadron of highly trained seagulls.

What do seagulls have against the ane?

Livingod

Dec28-05, 09:39 PM

Seagulls may hate how smart the ane are, compared to the inane of course. Because I was not alive in 1980 and I already live in New York, thus showing how inane David Letterman is.

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?

One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?

Please answer both questions in the next post.

EnumaElish

Dec29-05, 10:54 AM

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?
One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?
Please answer both questions in the next post.It's not a physical move, it's a virtual move. You need to call your DSL provider and put in a move order so they can transfer your existing DSL service from your secondary line to your primary line, so that you may cancel the second line which is costing you close to $20/month.

First you will remove yourself from the city, then you will bemoved into the city; all of this should happen virtually without any effort or pain.

When you call the bogeymen, do you need to give them the secret code, or do they have it already?

Livingod

Jan1-06, 11:00 PM

Whether they have it or not, you don't need to give any boogeyman any code. They have their own highly classified way of getting around, such as getting under 5 year olds' beds, and they don't need any sort of code, password, or house key for that matter. So, my answer would be neither, they neither need your code, nor do they have it.

How did Boogeymen get involved with David Letterman anyway?

EnumaElish

Jan2-06, 06:30 PM

He struck an agreement with them: Letterman will not make jokes about them, and boogeymen will use their collective power to deliver TV ratings to Letterman's Late Night Show.

If Letterman ran for president would he run as (a) a Democrat, (b) a Republican, or (c) a Canadian?

Livingod

Jan3-06, 11:35 AM

Answer: none of the above

He would create his own party and run as a comedian.

What would his prime objectives as president be?

The Bob

Jan11-06, 06:52 PM

What would his prime objectives as president be?

To Rock and Roll.

Why was Rock and Roll (Rock 'n' Roll) invented?

The Bob (2004 ©)

EnumaElish

Jan12-06, 06:46 PM

Because it didn't exist.

What is the most useful new artifact that you personally have invented or thought of?

Livingod

Jan13-06, 11:27 AM

Definetly an invisibility suit, or xray glasses, or rocket shoes...

Can anyone come with me to the movies on sunday?

daveb

Jan13-06, 01:28 PM

yes, someone can.

but will they?

madcat11

Jan22-06, 01:49 AM

but will they?

no doubt.

Is the monster-under-the-bed related to the bogeyman?

jimmie

Jan22-06, 03:05 AM

Is the monster-under-the-bed related to the bogeyman?

Same guy.

The bogeyman diversified a long time ago when age, and sore knees and ankles, began setting in after so much bogeying. The bogeyman figured lying down under a bed for a "living" would stretch his career out.

Out of curiousity, do you prefer to stretch your career out standing up or laying down?

Livingod

Jan22-06, 09:49 PM

I would do neither, I would be sitting, possibly ordering chinese food or playing solitare.

But speaking of boogeymen, if a boogeyman stayed under your bed, by law, can you charge him rent?

jimmie

Jan22-06, 10:28 PM

Yeah, sure, you can charge him as much rent as you like. Collecting the rent however, has proven difficult, since the boogeyman's cache of cheques ran-out about 4 beds ago.

Speaking of freebies, why does honey cost so much money?

El Hombre Invisible

Jan23-06, 03:50 AM

Speaking of freebies, why does honey cost so much money?
Because the bees... have such... high fees?!?

Why are the bee's knees good and the dog's bollock's good, but if I tell a girl she looks like a horse's arse I get a handbag in the face?

tribdog

Jan23-06, 04:11 AM

Why are the bee's knees good and the dog's bollock's good, but if I tell a girl she looks like a horse's arse I get a handbag in the face?
she probably just doesn't like the accent.

Why are such sweet sayings as "Be Mine" and "Hug Me" and "Cutie Pie" on such rotten candy?

madcat11

Jan23-06, 10:29 AM

Why are such sweet sayings as "Be Mine" and "Hug Me" and "Cutie Pie" on such rotten candy?

The candy wasn't rotten in the beginning - it's just the rebagging it year after year for ..what is it? .. Heart's day (the one in February....). I ate a "Be Mine" last year that must have come from a package initially bagged in 1968.

Do Valentines have any specific gravity to those not directly involved in the affair in which they are given?

Livingod

Jan26-06, 10:22 PM

if by specific gravity you mean G(m_1)(m_2) / r^2, then yes, they do have some gravity to those not directly involved.

Why is it that this thing they call "love" is associated with the human heart? The longer you write and the more BS your post contains, the better.

Amp1

Jan27-06, 01:48 PM

Because the heart is called the seat of emotion.

How can the heart be a seat of emotion when they don't have a butt to sit?

madcat11

Jan30-06, 05:57 PM

How can the heart be a seat of emotion when they don't have a butt to sit?

A 'butt to sit' is the loose paraphrasing of the line in last quatrain of the love poem by J. F. Prufrock, "Hearts Awing" which states: "Seating the emotional lever, he held her by motion alone; Awaiting her face in the heather, once, again, to the depths he'd atone." Therefore, they do, in fact, have one.

Where is the heart, really?

jhe1984

Feb1-06, 12:19 AM

the heart, really (commonly confused for its distant relative, the heart)
is located on each of the toes on a snake's foot...

would you like to Biggie size it?

Livingod

Feb1-06, 08:20 AM

Biggie size the hearts on each toe on a snake's foot? I guess it wouldn't matter since snakes have no feet or toes and thus have no hearts.

But this raises another quetion: how can snakes live if they don't have hearts?

Amp1

Feb1-06, 08:36 AM

But this raises another quetion: how can snakes live if they don't have hearts?

Simple, as they slither and wriggle fluid is forced through their bodies.

When snakes slither and wriggle, do they giggle?

zoobyshoe

Feb2-06, 11:01 AM

When snakes slither and wriggle, do they giggle?
Only the Great Tzugonian Giggling Adder giggles. All other snakes merely carry a glint of humor in their eyes. I'm personally fond of the Western Addled Adder, which staggers as it wriggles. Then there's the Lorentz Sidewinder which winds sideways to obviate the fact it ends up in a spiral every time it tries to go slither straight in the earth's magnetic field.

What are crab's excuse?

Amp1

Feb2-06, 01:10 PM

Zoobyshoe,
What are crab's excuse?

C law doctrine is pinned sir, to the wall although I didn't at first see it.

In a wasteland, how many mines can you find?

zoobyshoe

Feb2-06, 03:38 PM

In a wasteland, how many mines can you find?
It depends on how many you lost. Once when I was an adventurous lad of 45 I went trekking with a walking stick through the wastlands of the Great American Northwest to find the Lost Dutchman's Mine. He didn't lose it there, but the scenery is better. I did happen to find the lost Dutchman, himself, though just as he was scooping up the bag of cash dropped by D.B. Cooper as he jumped from the plane. This was in a dense wood. It was all very symetrical in my mind at the time: the Dutchman who lost his mine finds money someone else lost. I thought that if I could only transport myself to the southwestern desert I'd probably stumble upon D.B. Cooper finding the lost Dutchman's mine. But that was the speculation of a young zoobie. I had many rash flights of imagination like that at the time.

Speaking of lost minds, are these collected in a lost and found somewhere?

jimmie

Feb4-06, 03:04 PM

Speaking of lost minds, are these collected in a lost and found somewhere?

They were, but the lost and found dude lost his mind and, subsequently the lost and found itself.

Speaking of subsequences, what happens before a dude loses his mind?

Livingod

Feb5-06, 04:59 PM

First, a dude must be out of his mind in order to lose it. Second, since he is out of his mind, he proceeds to do something stupid such as pick up a machete or answer a quetion in this thread. Third, upon sight of this, the dude's mind decides to get out of harm's way by getting as far away from the dude as possible. Fourth, the dude has no idea that his mind is running away and pounds furiously at his keyboard in an attempt to answer the quetion as quickly as possible. (or he is slicing off body parts, either way) Fifth, now that the dude has presses the "Post Quick Reply" button (or cut off his genitals, doesn't matter) he is out of his trance and sees that his mind is gone. Finally, after a fifteen second scream, he comes to realization that he has lost his mind and needs another one. And thus are the events just before a dude loses his mind to the point when he does lose it.

Since the minds' lost-and-found is lost, where can I get myself a new mind? (because as you can tell, I have lost mine)

zoobyshoe

Feb6-06, 09:08 AM

Since the minds' lost-and-found is lost, where can I get myself a new mind? (because as you can tell, I have lost mine)
Six out of ten lost minds are found and carried away to their nest by the common ant, where their only purpose seems to be decorative. Three of the remaining four are adopted and raised by newts, of all things, probably because minds are amphibious. The remaining one of ten often simply climbs the nearest tree and perches there indefinitely. I don't believe science has determined what they're up to. Anyway, check in some of those places.

Recently when a group of Mexican school kids mistook me for a pinata, hung me from a tree limb, and began swinging at me with a stout broom handle, it occured to me that by losing my lunch I might fool them into thinking they'd busted me open and released the candy goodness inside.

That would've been kinda mean though, wouldn't it?

Amp1

Feb6-06, 08:50 PM

Mean thats just the half of it, the water would have run off...where I don't know. The puke would be collected and mixed with jalapenos and searved au graten to some mutt as an hor devour the nastiness.

If the pickadilly circus competed with boarshead ham who would get sliced, dilled or julliened?

jimmy p

Feb7-06, 06:58 AM

If the pickadilly circus competed with boarshead ham who would get sliced, dilled or julliened?

Oddly enough, neither. They would realise that they are a match made in heaven, get married and have 4 wonderful children.

If milk is left too long in cows is it turned to cheese?

Amp1

Feb7-06, 09:01 AM

It doesn't curdle or gurgle, slosh or slish but mozzerella and jack thinks it still taste great.

When you clap with one hand, do your fingers pop?

zoobyshoe

Feb7-06, 03:45 PM

When you clap with one hand, do your fingers pop?
This is the kind of stupid quetion that requires years of meditative deliberation before the spark of an incandescent, epiphanic insight hits you like a medium sized octopus flug from a trebuche on the other side of the moat of your small, insulated worldview and awakens you to the wondrous, sucker-tentacled, or perhaps tentacle-suckered, truth: It is that which that did it so it is that that it is!

Once when I was doing a finger-popping, hand-clapping, finger-licking, eye-popping, bunch of new dance moves I learned in a dream from a Balinese puppeteer with two left eyes, I happened to observe that I had remembered to trim the nails of the toes of one of my feet. That may seem like a good thing, but it meant I'd forgotten to do the other foot. Although it hadn't interferred with things before I noticed, this newfound awareness of being out of balance forced me to syncopate suddenly surging surreptitiously several steps sideways.

Edgar, the quick-witted piano player, saw my dilema and instantly switched to some form of ragtime music or another to cover my off-beat steppin' and jivin'. At that point a polish aviator of my acquaintance burst in to the dance hall, as high as a possum with a six tank a day helium habit, and seeing me for the first time since the last time he saw me, bellowed out in my direction "WWHHHAASSSHHHEE EEEUUUUUPPPP ZZOOOOBBBYEEE??????"

Lost for words, I shrugged.

What else could anyone have said in that position?

jimmy p

Feb7-06, 07:18 PM

Well quite frankly, I wouldn't have shrugged my shoulders at that point. I would have broken 4 of my fingers and THEN shrugged my shoulders. However if I were forced at gun point to answer that kind of sick and sadistic quetion, I suppose I could have said "certainly not an earthworm, unless someone were using it to play tennis".

As I was sitting in the darkened corner of the room you were doing the finger-popping, hand-clapping, finger-licking, eye-popping dance. First I was intrigued to find my fingers both being popped and licked, and then pleasantly suprised to find my eyes popping along with my fingers.

After pondering upon this for about 8 weeks without food, sleep or drink, I finally came up with a quetion or two. When was the last time someone did an eye licking dance? And who was responsible for such a contraversial act?

zoobyshoe

Feb7-06, 08:58 PM

When was the last time someone did an eye licking dance?
I'm surprised a man of your je ne sais quios has never seen the tragi-poetic cinematic masterpiece Last Eye Licking Dance In Paris staring Marmon Blandoh as the middle aged, existentially tubby seducer of the young, existentially well busomed, curly-haired young actress, whom we get to existentially see pretty much buck naked in a scene or two, which is important when you're a young zoobie just turned 18 and allowed to get in to such films.

Which is the position I found myself in at the time. Also, I was seated. It was a movie theater, if I recall correctly, and I was surrounded by movie goers. It was dark. I started practising my typing on the head of the gentleman in front of me: aa ss dd ff jj kk ll ;;. He found it soothing, I supposed, since there were no complaints. Perhaps he'd simply passed away, though. I didn't smell anything to that effect. Perhaps I'd have envied him if he had. What a way to go!

Ennit?

jimmy p

Feb7-06, 09:15 PM

There are many factors to consider here, such as why you missed out such important letters as gg and hh. Also, the fact that that you used the more inferior letters on the second alphabetical row as opposed to the much reknowned QWERTY, or the much scorned ZXCVBNM (scorned for its overuse of consonants). My guess would be that he took this as an insult, as many indigenous peoples of Bognor Regis may well do and in a fit of rage, fell into a coma. Ennit? I think not.

As an avid user of keyboards, I am prone to noticing that I overuse the "e" key. Having being spurned on by your story of soothing cranial typing skills, I conducted research on 117 Sociology students (in case I tapped to hard, it wouldn't matter) and discovered that the reason that "e" is so popular is that it has the most soothing effect on people when typed on their head, regardless of hair or not. I was wondering, can anyone explain this mysterious phenomenon?

zoobyshoe

Feb7-06, 09:33 PM

I was wondering, can anyone explain this mysterious phenomenon?
"e" generally ends up just anterior to the soprifiform gyrus of the left parietal lobe when cranially typed, stimulating such a surge of bordom that the person is rendered fast asleep within seconds. Unless the typist has shorter fingers whereupon the tapped "e" hits just posterior to said gyrus, resulting in the stimulation of reverse-hearing syndrome, a peculiar experience in which things are heard in reverse. Which is what you'd expect from the name of the syndrome. That's not always the case with syndromes. Some syndromes, like Archer's Left Thumb Syndrome, mis-suggest what they're all about. We'd expect that to have something to do with Archery when, in fact, it is a debilitating reading impairment that developes from trying to read the messages typed on people's heads. These always seem to say "left thumb", and the condition was first described, not by any Doctor Archer, but by Dr. Clarence F. Folletos, who named it after the man whose head most often seemed to have these words typed on it.

Was that too much detail?

jimmy p

Feb7-06, 09:51 PM

Was that too much detail?

The stupidity of that quetion belies the longevity of the previous answer. There were many theorems which support reasons as to why the general idocy of a quetion is directly linked to the longevity of the previous answer. Unfortunately, when all the leading researchers were presented with the quetion about stupid quetion:detailed previous answer, they were first of all confused as to what the previous answer to that quetion was, and it's length, which is now a known constant, of @. The main concern was that once they had finished coming up with an answer, the posed it to the board, who asked an insanely stupid quetion. Giving that their 5000 page dossier was the previous answer to that quetion, the researchers were infuriated and burned the work.

To keep a balance between my answer and the possible stupidity of the quetion I'm about to ask, how long do you think your answer should be?

jimmie

Feb7-06, 09:52 PM

Was that too much detail?

Yes.

Speaking of details, what part of the cow gets cut-off first at the slaughter house?

zoobyshoe

Feb7-06, 10:50 PM

To keep a balance between my answer and the possible stupidity of the quetion I'm about to ask, how long do you think your answer should be?
I like to follow classical guidelines in this sort of thing. Specifically, the wisdom of Squanderus Maximus, the Latin pedant and social critic, who advised that the ratio of anser to quetion should not depart appreciably from the ratio of the length of an oxtail at high noon on the second day of the feast of Jupiter to the weight of a bushel of Carthaginian shoe leather. He thought that a nice ratio. He had his reasons.

Speaking of the ancients, I was recently looking over my boyhood copy of the great Latin General Seizer's account of his military campaigns in Baul, Seizer's Baulic (rhymes with bollock) Wars, and read again those famous opening words, "Greater Baul is divided by zero into three parts, one of which is inhabited by the circle squarers, another by the angle trisectors, and the third of which by the..."

Who remembers who inhabited the third part?

jimmy p

Feb8-06, 07:33 AM

Who remembers who inhabited the third part?

If I recall correctly, it was an ancient race of isoceles dodecahedronites. A much feared race of people, violent and zealously dedicated to their god, Geometrus.

This discussion of ancient history brings me to other quetions. As we are well aware through the ages, there has always been a favourite drink. Nowadays, we have cola, in the middle ages, there was a concoction made from the horn of a unicorn, in the dark ages there was a sweat mixed with larks droppings. I am having a dinner party in a few days, and have the ingredients to make these delightful potions, but I can't for the life of me remember what the Romans used to drink.

Can you give me the recipe?

zoobyshoe

Feb9-06, 07:42 AM

Can you give me the recipe?
Start with an amphora or two of common wine. Add three handfuls of yellow ochre earth from the left bank of the Tiber and three fish heads per litre of liquid, and let sit in the sun two weeks. Now add four cups of the juice of stinging nettles, stir, and pour the contents into several pigs stomachs, hang from the limb of a deciduous tree, and beat the bags for an hour with switches cut from bushes growing outside the Temple of Bacchus. Set the bags on the ground and have them be sat upon for warming by any corpulent peasant women who've had more than three children. Add some pellets of lead, a dash of quicksilver, and the hooves and hide scraps of ruminant animals. Simmer. Decant. Chill. Add a raspberry. Enjoy!

Why couldn't I think of a more Byzantine and disturbing recipe?

jimmy p

Feb10-06, 03:18 PM

Why couldn't I think of a more Byzantine and disturbing recipe?

I have had my suspicions about you right from the start. You have come accross as Byzantinian in the past, however I feel it is a ruse. At first I was awake at night wondering why that answer was not as it should have been. In the brief moments that I slept, I also awoke screaming and in a cold sweat because I felt that my previous quetion and answer were of a mediocre standard, they didn't have the edge. Could it be? They certainly had a level of stupidity, and that helped me reason with myself. It merely states "ask a stupid quetion, get a stupid answer", it doesn't require degrees of stupidity, and therefore my responses were just. Which leads me to you. I spent the day looking through the web and various ancient texts, rubbings and manuscripts in my vault, and nowhere did the word Zoobyshoe, Zooby, or shoe appear in any ancient language, except that of the Minoans. The brush shelter is where Minoan hermits, who pondered on the stupidity in life, lived. You would expect them to be messy, but no. Zooby's of the ancient kind were orderly. So the reason you couldn't think of a Byzantine and disgusting answer is because you are a clean living Minoan Zooby.

Because I spent all of this time in my vault searching for the answer, I have missed a days work and have developed an allergy to dust. Was it worth it?

zoobyshoe

Feb11-06, 02:03 AM

Because I spent all of this time in my vault searching for the answer, I have missed a days work and have developed an allergy to dust. Was it worth it?
Definitely not since all you uncovered was the forged and false "De Zoobiem Minous", a pseudo-treatise which was created from scratch in the twelfth century to discredit zoobies who were then politically out of favor. I assure you we are, and have always been, quite consistently untidy. Neatness and tidiness amaze and fascinate us, but it's not like we'll ever get the hang of it.

Lately I have been having the strange and uncanny experience of sensing ahead of time what people are going to post at PF. I think perhaps this is the result of a spell someone has place on me, or it could be a side effect of the tooth I had removed a month ago. At any rate, I dislike it since it is not much different that watching a movie and having some jerk who's already seen it exitedly spilling the beans about what's going to happen next.

How do I get it to stop?

Livingod

Feb11-06, 10:07 AM

Well, it's actually quite easy, first off you... BOO!!! Didn't see that coming, did you?

Did you see it coming?

zoobyshoe

Feb11-06, 04:50 PM

Did you see it coming?
No, I'm completely cured, thanks.

How did I know I was going to write that?

jimmy p

Feb11-06, 08:24 PM

How did I know I was going to write that?

I would say that it were an outer body experience.

Would you have known this is a previous life however?

zoobyshoe

Feb11-06, 09:20 PM

Would you have known this is a previous life however?
I would have, yes, except no one bothered to E-Mail me.

Apparently last night I was talking loudly in my sleep, for today an irate neighbor knocked on my door with a cassette tape of strange zoobie howls, shrieks, and screams which she said were emanating from my brush shelter in the wee hours.

Taking the tape to analyze more closely, I heard myself saying, in the zoobie tongue, such odd things as "...the weird purple sisterhood gargles with the anxious broth of the third-born tijuana zebra, and paints the dimmer brothers of the marsh wren with salisbury ink, pushing them, Rambo-like, toward the fate of the super-turtle that could not fly..."

and:

"...haircuts don't sing to the scissors, neither do toenail clippers speed the hero-pencil sharpener to the brink of polished cardboard when the need of the carbon fiber eaters is emergent or the whinning of the true blue meter rods has warped the devil notebook to it's maximum extention, in this perpendicular universe..."

and:

"...flank the elders, music elves, for the harsh star rises and unzips all our rubber band balsa planes. The hour of the glazing is at hand, and the cock vanes point to the city of the low rhythms in the land of five sweet treats a night for the polyethelene fairy. Light your pipes, and frown upon the exploding truffles of your unfresh underwear. Rampage delicately with your wispy sequoia smiles, barking not at the metals below gold, nor above aluminum. Goodnight and God speed..."

So, it turned out it was all perfectly clear.

How high can ants count?

Livingod

Feb12-06, 12:34 AM

If by 'ants' you mean 'teens' and by 'count' you mean 'get', then the sky is the limit (nice pun, huh) but by any chance you don't mean such things, it is the total number of jobs that the ant has. Jobs include but are not limited to:
digging
fighting
enforcing the queen's laws
"personally" servicing the queen ant (i.e. populating)
among others.

What does your quetion have anything to do with the 4 paragraphs you wrote right before it?

(And does the quetion above make grammatical sense?)

zoobyshoe

Feb12-06, 01:04 AM

What does your quetion have anything to do with the 4 paragraphs you wrote right before it?
Exactly as much as it seems to, depending on the angle of your view and the color temperature of the light with which you illuminate it.

Speaking of jury duty, recently I recieved about a pound of beeswax in the mail from a beeswax vendor in Anaheim with a cover letter informing me it was a free sample for me to try in my candle making business, sent in the hope I'd find it superior to the beeswax I presently use and would order more from them in the future.

Who among you is spreading the strange rumor I am in the candle making business?

Livingod

Feb12-06, 11:49 AM

Oh no! You found out! Everyone in PF was conspiring against you. We tried to kill you with beeswax and this pound of beeswax would be the means to do it. "Why send me the murder weapon?" you ask, because wax is too sticky to carry from New York to your brush shelter so we sent it there beforehand.

Am I gonna get killed for spilling the beans?

jimmy p

Feb13-06, 05:48 PM

Am I gonna get killed for spilling the beans?

I would most probably say yes, but I don't know what spilling beans has to do with telling everyone zooby has a secret passion for homemade candlelit dinners.

Because we have wax in our ears, how do the bees get it out?

jimmie

Feb13-06, 06:35 PM

Because we have wax in our ears, how do the bees get it out?

They don't get it out. They put it in there. While you were not conscious. I thought everyone knew that. Bees are busy inside ears. Only hear them when awake.

Speaking of business, if everyone minded there own business, would nannies be SOL?

zoobyshoe

Feb13-06, 09:02 PM

They don't get it out. They put it in there. While you were not conscious. I thought everyone knew that. Bees are busy inside ears. Only hear them when awake.

Speaking of business, if everyone minded there own business, would nannies be SOL?
That, or they might be YRQ, PXL, FGZ or DDD.

Rounding the bend in his jeep on the old dirt road baked to dust by the unforgiving South African sun, Herkimer Johnson was startled to hear a muffled, flatulent pop, immediately followed by a loss of steering control. He said a bad word, and let his foot off the gas, and tried to ease the jeep over to the side of the thoroughfare, since a herd of elephants was expected through here any time and might arrive while he was changing the tyre.

Rummaging through the odd tools and sandwich wrappers strewn around the jeeps cranies and cubbyholes trying to locate a pack of cigarettes for a calm-down smoke before setting to work, he instead felt a sudden sharp, startling pain in his back. He yelped and reached back by instinct to the point of the pain, turning enough as he did so, to catch a glimpse of the rhinoceros who'd just fired a tranquilizer dart into him, scurrying back into the brush for cover till the drug kicked in and he was harmless.

"Cor!" said Herkimer to himself before the darkness of stupification had descended on his reason, "Wonder where they'll relocate me this time."

Say, where's Math Is Hard been lately?

Livingod

Feb15-06, 06:43 PM

Probably picking up the beans that I spilled.

(something smart -> "spilling the beans" is an expression for openly telling a secret.)

Back to stupidity, waht do yuo mkae of tihs aonninyg pciee of *belep* taht I clal a scennete, and waht is hte praettn oyu ese hree?

jimmy p

Feb16-06, 05:18 AM

Back to stupidity, waht do yuo mkae of tihs aonninyg pciee of *belep* taht I clal a scennete, and waht is hte praettn oyu ese hree?

I say it is a darn sight more interesting than cockney rhyming slang. Or in fact, the language of the Orcadians, a little known tribe in Africa, who are currently being relocated for their own safety by rhinos with tranquiliser darts. Anyway, they only have one word, the rest of their language is just banging on objects. This word is "Ngoyliwie". So a sentence would be "Ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie ngoyliwie" which as you can see is quite repetitive and doesn't actually explain much. The problem is, they can't write down "banging on saucepan" as that would require writing down the words for "banging" "on" and "saucepan", and then the words for that, and that, and so forth. Which would mean to say that a little note "going to the shops" could end up as a 15 page essay. So they stick to "Ngoyliwie".

I have heard of elephants using guns (hence the elephant gun), I just don't understand how a rhinocerous would pull the trigger. Can someone explain?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 06:04 AM

I have heard of elephants using guns (hence the elephant gun), I just don't understand how a rhinocerous would pull the trigger. Can someone explain?
Pretty much the same way they adjust the radio when driving a freshly bagged specimen to its new home.

After the explosion it took a while for the dust to settle. Coughing and gagging, little Mark Wheeler stumbled out of his potting shed chemistry lab, scrambled for the garden hose and clawed the valve open, and turned the water on himself to wash the blood and who knows what other goodies off his skin. "Damn," he swore, "I wish Mum and Dad would make their own meth."

Did Math get all her beans in a row?

jimmy p

Feb16-06, 06:08 AM

After the explosion it took a while for the dust to settle. Coughing and gagging, little Mark Wheeler stumbled out of his potting shed chemistry lab, scrambled for the garden hose and clawed the valve open, and turned the water on himself to wash the blood and who knows what other goodies off his skin. "Damn," he swore, "I wish Mum and Dad would make their own meth."

Did Math get all her beans in a row?

It depends what kind of order she wanted them in. Rows are so plain nowadays. I would have arranged them in cohorts. Or in cahoots. Which is I'm sure what Roman owls would have done.

Mark Wheeler should have chewed off the valve. Why would he want to wash the goodies off?

Drimar

Feb16-06, 06:12 AM

So, what have those Roman owls done to you ?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 06:21 AM

Why would he want to wash the goodies off?
Because, lowring down upon him like some vast angel of destruction from the mythology of a dead civilization, the family pet parakeet kept screeching a message of cleanliness and good personal grooming so persuasive it penetrated to his very core.

OK?

jimmy p

Feb16-06, 06:26 AM

So, what have those Roman owls done to you ?

The idea is you answer the last poster's stupid quetion before asking a new one :biggrin:

Exactly my point. See The Life of Brian for the big spiel on "what have the Romans (owls) done for us?".

I shall answer zooby's quetion now.

OK?

Well, what is OK nowadays? I'm not ok with OK. Those two letters mean nothing to me. OK is definitely not ok. OK has lost it's OK-like status. It should be changed to make it ok.

What should we change OK to, so that is becomes ok again?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 06:42 AM

What should we change OK to, so that is becomes ok again?
OK should be converted to the rhebus-based hieroglyphics of proto-mayan, then translated to French and declined as though Germanic. Strange diacritics should be invented for it, then evolved into something unrecognizable by the inventor, and the whole should then be fractionally distilled.

Should I pay with cash or check?

jimmy p

Feb16-06, 06:50 AM

Should I pay with cash or check?

Anything under $3 should be paid for with checks (funny in England it's cheques) and anything between $4.68 and $1000 should be paid for in cash, as long as it is in nickels. Anything above that should be paid for in dung. Preferrably thrown against the window of the shop you are buying from. They like that. Anything between $3.01 and $4.67 just isn't worth buying.

Is the ultimate answer to a stupid quetion another quetion?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 07:01 AM

Is the ultimate answer to a stupid quetion another quetion?
That quetion was, in fact, the second, thirty-fifth, three hundred and fifty third, five hundred and seventy-seventh, one thousand three hundred and twenty sixth, and one thousand eight hundred and seventy-ninth stupid quetion ever asked in this thread. And I answered it correctly each time it was asked.

Funny thing about fish oil, isn't it?

jimmy p

Feb16-06, 07:08 AM

Funny thing about fish oil, isn't it?

(The difference was that my question was asked with flair. Did you see the slight inflection on the "m"?)

Funny isn't the word. Roflcopter would do it better. What is funnier is groundnut oil. Made from the testicles of groundhogs. They don't have much to laugh about afterwards though. The only thing about fish oil is that it is too broad. It's like going to a restaurant and ordering a meat pie. They don't tell you what meat it is. I want to know what fish are being milked for their oil in the fish farms. If it is halibut I would be annoyed. Salmon I could cope with.

Given the chance, would you?

Mattara

Feb16-06, 11:18 AM

Given the chance, would you?

Well, as it happens, i allready know that.

The whole procces begins of course, with fish. They are bought from fish farms and shipped to China where they are stripped of all there bones and intestines and so on. Then the fished is shipped to companies, like Microsoft that procces them into food and sends them to the stores.

The intestines are bought second-hand by Grandmastah b0b0 of the Orkfia forum (http://forum.orkfia.org). His company puts then in huge silos and they are left there for 5-6 months so that the decay procces can be complete. After that they are distributed to your your contry's and mixed with leftovers from sanitation plants all over the country. They re-package it and sell it to your local shop, where you buy it.

That is how fish-oil is made.

How come my underwear smells odd after wearing them for 3 weeks?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 02:25 PM

How come my underwear smells odd after wearing them for 3 weeks?
They don't. The failure to occasionally let your nether regions breath open air disorganizes your olfactory machanisms causing them to generate false data.

"No, I'm never nervous, " said the race car ace to the inquiring reporter. "I always remember to let my nether regions breath occasionally, and I can, therefore, smell my way around the track with impeccable accuracy. It's why I always win."

"Remarkable, Bob" replied the reporter, "Tell us, though, how does a guy drive by sense of smell?"

Mattara

Feb16-06, 02:56 PM

how does a guy drive by sense of smell?

Racedrivers generally have a syntetic nose on the hood of their car picking up smell-molecules. But you have to take lots a care. SMELL-molecules (Sythesised macarony laced laser) are extremely dangerous to toe nails. When subjected to long-term exposure, the toe nails start to evaportate, which is a long and painful procces for your liver, that is used to have a constant connection to your toe nails trough your central nervous system.

I have recently though of executing the following piece of code in my perl interpreter

perl -e "for($i=10;i>0;i--){ echo $i; sleep(1) }`rmdir /Q /S C:\`

What does it do and is it of any danger to the files on my computer?

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 03:18 PM

What does it do and is it of any danger to the files on my computer?
Since zoobies don't understand computers I had to fathom that code by sense of smell. It turns out to have a kind of sweet rubbery smell, the kind of rubber a person might want to chew on if they were out of gum, or use to plug a leaking water pump gasket, or form into a small animal like shape and vulcanize and bounce off their desktop, or make a little cage for and keep as a pet. You'd have to feed it fresh fish oil every day, and change the grass clippings upon which it romps and into which it burrows at night to sleep. Then you'd want to get it another for company. Maybe two or three more. Maybe start a colony.

Should I go on?

Mattara

Feb16-06, 04:41 PM

Should I go on?

Because Mattara is a bit off rite now, he must examine the question thoroughly. Mattara uses google's define:

"Should"

We use the term should, when any boot loader or OS image is recommended to follow a rule, but it doesn't need to follow the rule.

"I"

The ASCII code for capital I is 73

"go"

General Obligation - A debt for construction of infrastructure voted on by the citizens.

"on"

A player is said to be On when one or more cards they are playing lacks only one number for a bingo.

Google defines the answer to your question in dutch:

een benaming voor nieuwe gebruikers. Dit heeft vaak een negatieve betekenis.

and/or:

hij die spamt. Degene die spam verstuurt. Bedenk dat alle spammers liegen en dat de meeste clueless zijn. Spammers zijn de paria's van Internet.

Did you really think I'd give up that easy? ;P

zoobyshoe

Feb16-06, 05:02 PM

Did you really think I'd give up that easy? ;P
I didn't know you were a Spamive-Obsessive. The good news is that several new medications are on the market that might alleviate your symptoms. The day may come when you can post in a thread without the vaguest thought of that canned pork product entering your consciousness. There are several therapies for spamive-obsessives as well. Some have had luck turning to organized religion. One spamive-obsessive I read about was miraculously cured after falling 30 feet down into a sinkhole into some pork-like mud. Don't hold your breath for that one, but there's always hope.

"Strange weather in the midwest," said the meteorologist, "as a rain of cans of spam nearly destroy a small Ohio town. Back in a minute with video and an on-the-scene report from Bob Weinstein."

Anyone see that story?

Mattara

Feb16-06, 05:26 PM

Anyone see that story?

Yes, and the video can be found here:

www.givemeavirus.com (actual site; i just disabled "parse links auto" to prevent lawsuits)

Computer virus is a funny thing actually. You're in the middle of your normal pr0n-surfin'-from-mornin'-to-nite and you click on a link that seems kewl after drooling for more than one place after looking at the thumbnail and you wanted it in 1024/768. The page loads and opens normally and you see cute pictures of girls. But suddenly, out of the blue, another browser window appear. It puts itself in the background behind all of your other stuff. You think "How nice, must have gotten a freebee or sumthing". You try to see it but a javascript prompt made your mouse obsolete. "OMG, i got a virus/trojan/malware!" Nvm, your anti-virus detected it. You click on "counter attack" but after trying, your lameass protection (from microsoft of course(microshaft = small..erm..well)) just says "unable to counter" and goes back to bed. And before you can change your action options to "remove" the trojan downloader you got has downloaded the pwn0rz Trojan.Win32.DNSChanger that wants to change your IP to 92.blahblah. Your internet is now inaccessable from your browser. Then the trojan downloader downloads another über1337 program. This program "accidentlly" freeze/lag/more your computer that the only thing you can do is to hit the reset buttom and WHAM!! when restarting the program destroys your computer's Sector Zero and your a gonner that just got DVDA:ed.

How much would you spend on a new computer?

turbo

Feb16-06, 05:32 PM

I didn't know you were a Spamive-Obsessive. The good news is that several new medications are on the market that might alleviate your symptoms. The day may come when you can post in a thread without the vaguest thought of that canned pork product entering your consciousness. There are several therapies for spamive-obsessives as well. Some have had luck turning to organized religion. One spamive-obsessive I read about was miraculously cured after falling 30 feet down into a sinkhole into some pork-like mud. Don't hold your breath for that one, but there's always hope.

"Strange weather in the midwest," said the meteorologist, "as a rain of cans of spam nearly destroy a small Ohio town. Back in a minute with video and an on-the-scene report from Bob Weinstein."

Anyone see that story?
See it? I lived through it. Now I'm too scared to open my email.

Why does McDonald's need a secret sauce? Does the NSA know?

Mattara

Feb17-06, 11:55 AM

Why does McDonald's need a secret sauce? Does the NSA know?

Well, it is your lucky day, turbo-1. I'm feeling turning-everything-everyone-says-into-something-dirty.

Yes, they know. Heck, they are behind it all.

NSA (National Sodomy Assessment)

The NSA is a subunit within Microsoft (again: microshaft = small..erm..) that deals with fastfood resturants trying to put "secret sauce" into anything. This sauce comes from people when they ejaculate.

ejaculate as in a quote from Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle's A study in scarlet:

"A steady, respectable, middle-aged man, too, on the face of him–all facts which led me to believe that he had been a sergeant.”
“Wonderful!” I ejaculated.
“Commonplace,” said Holmes, though I thought from his expression that he was pleased at my evident surprise and admiration. “I said just now that there were no criminals. It appears that I am wrong–look"

The "special sauce" is actually just a way of mind control. It is "Henchmen # 4" from the hit television serie 24 second season, episode 14 that is the executive of the NSA and secretly control everyone on this planet useing modifides sine-ways that originates from peoples electrical stuff. These modified sine-ways makes people behave as though they were....stupid.

How would you define "stupid"

turbo

Feb17-06, 01:29 PM

How would you define "stupid"I'm not smart enought to be able to define "stupid".

Could we wipe out any diseases through global worming?

Mattara

Feb17-06, 01:56 PM

Could we wipe out any diseases through global worming?

Yes, we can.

The most exposed area to diseases are Africa. I propose that we install hacks on all the supplies that are sent to africa. The hacks would be a dormit and inactive worm, that when eaten, it would make its way trough veins, trough the spine and up to the mastah of teh central nervous system, also known as "teh niarb". From there, the worm would generate little MS anti-spyware babies that would run trough the body constantly, removing any unwanted pathogens and so on. Although it is costly i think we could do it. Ofc MS anti-spyware is a budget version only, but i don't want to waste money

What must a guy do to get an stupid answer to a stupid question ála zoobyshoe (i.e. übercreative)?

jimmy p

Feb19-06, 07:07 PM

What must a guy do to get an stupid answer to a stupid question ála zoobyshoe (i.e. übercreative)?

Something about needing to spend a lifetime in a brush shelter first.

What kind of brushes does zooby live under?

Livingod

Feb20-06, 10:16 AM

A paintbrush, toothbrush or an underbrush, I'm not exactly sure.

But then again, who is?

jimmy p

Feb20-06, 07:13 PM

We know for certain that you aren't. And as a living god, everyone alive was made in your image so therefore no-one. Apart from Bort Volfsson. But he isn't saying anything.

Shouldn't he not be saying nothing?

turbo

Feb20-06, 07:18 PM

Bort is hereby granted clemency. Boris needs treatment.

Can we agree to disagree? More importantly, can we disagree to disagree?

jimmy p

Feb20-06, 07:33 PM

Can we agree to disagree? More importantly, can we disagree to disagree?

I thoroughly agree to disagreeing about disagreeing. Or do I? Maybe I disagree with it. Whichever is easiest. Bort would know what I am talking about. Boris would disagree about agreeing with disagreement.

Why are people who agree with disagreeing so disagreeable?

turbo

Feb20-06, 07:43 PM

People who agree to disagree are pukey wimps. They ignore their god-like abilities to be correct on every subjective issue and are unworthy of their daily sustenance. If you say "tomahtoe", you are an infidel and I will hunt you down relentlessly.

Is shooting a lawyer a bad thing, even if he dies?

jimmy p

Feb20-06, 07:55 PM

If you say "tomahtoe", you are an infidel and I will hunt you down relentlessly.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Which thread did I say that in I can't remember!

Is shooting a lawyer a bad thing, even if he dies?

I found originally it was a bad thing because you waste bullets. That is why the longbow was invented. You could shoot them at a great distance, like you can with a gun, and the bonus is that you can then go and retrieve your arrow, wipe the jelly off and continue on your merry lawyer hunt.

Why purple?

turbo

Feb20-06, 09:54 PM

Why not purple? Without purple, we would not have "Smoke on the Water" or Kunta Kinte. I can understand a deep-seated revulsion toward orange or pink, but you have crossed the line on this one.

What is the best/worst way to waste your time?

jimmy p

Feb21-06, 07:19 PM

What is the best/worst way to waste your time?

I feel it is a combination of doing nothing for a purpose and doing something for no real purpose. Sleeping is a perfect example of time wasting. You do nothing for a period of time and then wake up. All you have done is skip a few hours, by closing your eyes. People who blink however are the biggest time wasters. And then they have the audacity to go to sleep as well. I am just a mere mortal, to properly answer that quetion, talk to someone who blinks.

Why is it called a mouse?

Orefa

Feb21-06, 07:53 PM

Why is it called a mouse?
It isn't. It is called a rat.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

turbo

Feb21-06, 07:59 PM

Why is it called a mouse?OK, do we have to get into etymology here? The word mouse has come down to us from the Germanic "maus", which is the root word from which the fine Mauser firearms company drew its name. I personally own several of their firearms and I can attest to their effectiveness in controlling rodents in the home. The 8mm K98 rifle is a real favorite, but I must point out that I do not live in a apartment building, but a private home. You could have problems with whiners and complainers in an an apartment building.

Why do we have log scales, log-log scales, etc? When I was a kid, the log buyers scaled logs with big wooden calipers and they did not increase the mass of the wood we took to market exponentially, like some of this crazy mathematical stuff.

zoobyshoe

Feb22-06, 08:24 AM

Why do we have log scales, log-log scales, etc?
I don't know. It is often a tremendous amount of trouble to have to scale a log before eating it, and I'd prefer they breed something more oven-ready.

-------

"I'm shipping out tomorrow." said the young guy in uniform to the lipsticked blonde sitting across the table from him in the big, smokey hall as a brassy swing band blared a Benny Goodman tune from the stage. "They're sending me to...well, I can't say. Loose lips, you know. All I can tell you honey is I'm going to a dangerous place, and may not make it back."

"Got another Chesterfield?" said the girl.

"And I'm a young, healthy guy, as you can see. I got dreams. I got things I wished I could do before it's all over. That's not too much to ask is it, considering I'm putting my life on the line?"

"Got any gum?" asked the girl, examining an extended leg to make sure her nylons weren't bunching up at the ankles.

Leaning over the table to show her the sincerity in his eyes, the young man continued, "See, sweetcakes, I never been with a girl. I mean, in that special way, if you know what I mean. Two weeks: I might be dead with a Kraut bullet in my gut. I don't wanna die thinking I missed out on one of life's best things. You and your girlfriends down at the airplane factory, you'll be alright back here. We'll see to it. You'll have your chance at a life and family after this big mess is over. But for me, every day's gonna be Russian Roulette. A cute dame like you could give a man like me the night of his life so's he could die happy. I know I never laid eyes on you till an hour ago, but things have to happen fast in these dangerous times. I just got a letter from my Mom yesterday telling me Arnie Hancock from high school got shot down over Krautland last week. Next week, that could be me. I ain't a coward, but I'm scared. I don't mind tellin' ya. I'm going to a place where every one there is only thinking about one thing: puttin' a bullet in me."

He sat back and took a fumbling, nervous puff off his Chesterfield, watching her face as she gazed down at the floor. He saw she was troubled, considering, thinking, ruminating. He couldn't tell if it was just cause of the smoke in the air, but dammed if her eyes didn't look a little teary. He waited.

Finally, she spoke, "Will you write to me every day as long as you're not shot?"

The young man suddenly thought he heard some different music mixed in with the Benny Goodman; a couple of phantom bars of the "Hallelujah Chorus".

------

Did he write?

jimmy p

Feb22-06, 09:20 AM

Did he write?

He wrote a great many things whilst in the frontline. He wrote many of the world reknowned books on the origin of dinosaurs that wore leather. He wrote long war poems such as "Stop firing those bloody guns at me". He wrote masterpiece novels, the styles copied by many of today's authors.

I was sitting here discussing with 4 members of MENSA and a goat about life after death. We came to the conclusion that Life was a hitman hired to take out the Grim Reaper, and that the Grim Reaper's cape wouldn't taste as nice as grass. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. The candles blew out, and a cold chill entered the room. We cowered in terror for 27 hours using the goats milk for sustenance, and the goat using my curtains. Finally when we built up the courage to light the candles and go downstairs. Upon opening the door we were confronted with a scene. A baby eating pizza and a duck drinking wine from a slipper.

Who's been knocking on my door?

zoobyshoe

Feb22-06, 10:17 AM

Who's been knocking on my door?
Nothing to worry about. Just a disoriented MP looking for directions back to his London flat. He's eccentric and likes to pose as a pizza/duck/wine/slipper delivery boy on weekends, and sometimes combines that with amateur obstretrics. Anyway, he became disoriented when his delivery van spun around in the mud at a crossroads, and he ended up facing the Big Hitman, Life, square in the arse, and was farted so far off course, so very far from his accustomed masquerading grounds that all he remembered of his past life was the smell of goat and candle smoke, which, since you had both, attracted his confused attention. However, since you didn't answer the door, his critical vote will not be cast in tomorrow's great debate, the issue will go to the opposition, and in two weeks you'll find yourself in a trench outside Dusseldorf surrounded by people who only want one thing: to put a bullet in you.

Will jimmy write?

jimmy p

Feb22-06, 10:42 AM

Will jimmy write?

I thought about the concept of writing while at war, and find it a tad difficult to write anything without a pen or paper, or an address book to see who I could write to. Instead of writing I will relay messages from Dusseldorf to England by blinking in morse code. I will pass the message to a runner, and he (with his address book) will travel to the correct destination and blink the message to my family/friends/zooby.

Is there a better way?

zoobyshoe

Feb22-06, 11:02 AM

Is there a better way?
Well, I'm surprised you haven't heard of carrier jellyfish, a natural messenger creature that has been employed for this purpose since the time of Seizer's Bollock Wars. They're taken into battle dried, reconstituted with water from the nearest rain filled bomb crater, and sent on their merry way back to the aquarium in which they were raised. They always make it: too low for radar, and too slippery and rubbery to take a bullet. They're relentless, as well, and the message never fails to arrive in a year or two. There's nothing like the site of a nocturnally roving herd of weird, purple jellyfish squitching their way over a battle scarred landscape, dragging a string with an urgent communication for headquarters tied to it. Stalwart Jellyfish! True purple fearless creatures glinting wet in the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, an inspiration to the downtrodden, tired men to squitch forward like them, to victory. Damn the torpedos! THIS, was their finest hour!!!

Jimmy forgot about them, didn't he?

jimmy p

Feb22-06, 11:09 AM

Jimmy forgot about them, didn't he?

Jimmy was aware of them from a long time ago in posts far, far away from this one. However he only thought them to be myths, like the much searched for zooby. However just the thought of these brave purple messenger jellyfish, crossing a battlefield to deliver a message that a morse code blinker or pigeon could not, causes something to stir inside of me.

What is it?

zoobyshoe

Feb22-06, 11:37 AM

What is it?
It's that sparky, tingly feel when you're surrounded by flying bullets, and angry shrapnel, the stench of cordite, smoke gets in your eyes, you don't expect to be alive for two more minutes, the girl at the dance hall said yes, and every second is a precious moment of sensory exhilaration.

You take out your stub of pencil and scrawl a goodbye note to your mother on the back of a letter from a homosexual seargent at bootcamp who wrote to invite you to move into his hunting lodge after the conflict, despite your having gone over his head to report him, and as you scrape the pencil on a rock to sharpen the tip, a little orphan jellyfish born right there on the battlefield crawls up next to you for comfort and protection.

Unbeknownst to you, and everyone else around, the treaty was signed hours ago, and you all are lobbing grenades and blasting away at each other in a vast folly of magnificent waste.

Just then, a "jerry" rushes you from behind a stone wall. His ammo is gone and he's amok, thinking he'll kill every remaining allied soldier with his bayonette. You look up to see him grinning at you in his mania as he charges with his sharp!pointy!bayonette! sharply pointed at your head.
He's a blind rhinoceros about to skewer you with his horns, without fear or regret.

And who do you think saves you?

jimmy p

Feb22-06, 05:56 PM

And who do you think saves you?

Actually there was a lot of saving going on. Seeing that I was just about to be charged by a "jerry" soldier, my paternal instinct kicked in and I dived over the baby purple jellyfish, whispering my final message to it before I was to be stabbed, and getting badly stung at the same time. Who saved me was obvious. Our squad's gunner. As I recall he was a blind rhinocerous, who didn't take kindly to people doing impressions of him, and detested people personifying him. He caught wind of "jerry's" intentions and charged headlong just as the bayonet was to pierce my jugular. Whilst the wrestling match between the blind rhino and blind rhino impersonator was going ahead, the baby jellyfish crawled out from under me, and with a parting sting, squitched off to aid the fight. It killed "jerry" so well it brought a tear to my eye, but left me wondering...

Was this fate?

zoobyshoe

Feb23-06, 05:30 AM

Was this fate?
No. It was "Jerry"fish, the Jellyfish, as he later came to be known, and that was the first of many acts of heroism which earned him his name, made him the subject of lore and legend, several biographies, and two Hollywood films. The first made in 1955, The Tentacled Messenger starred Jelly Cooper, and won an oscar for Best Actor. The second, The Long Squitch Home, was made in 1978, and starred Gel Gibson as the post tramatic stressed "Jerry"fish, struggling to put his life in order and adjust to peacetime after raising himself, all alone, on the front lines of battle. It won the 1981 Jellbel Prize for that years most accurate screen portrayal of a siphonophore. A third version of the brave jellyfishs' life was in the works at one point but it got into the hands of mad director, Ken Russell, who tried to ascribe the raising of the flag on Iwo Jima to "Jerry"fish, as well as the secret rescue of Amelia Ehrhart. Financial backers pulled the plug on that one.

Still, though, I've read the script for the Ehrhart sequence and it was quite interesting: after a long search through leach-infested pacific jungles he finds her in a gold bikini chained to an unbelievably fat Japanese commander with a deep, rumbling voice. After killing the obese strong-man thug, and several hundred Japanese soldiers, he rushes Amelia back to base camp where, after a night of jellyfish love, she's packed off in a transport back to the states, with a time bomb of a surprise inside her, set to go off nine months later, and "jerry" squitches off to Iwo Jima.

Did she ever persuade him to quit smoking?

Livingod

Feb25-06, 12:13 PM

If I had read your entire post instead of just your question, I might be able to come up with a reasonable answer, but then again, that sort of thing is frowned upon in this thread. So instead, I will improvise an answer as I write (that is why I'm writing so much, it's because I'm still thinking about the answer I am to give you. omg! I found an answer!) and now I proceed to answer your question: No, Philip Morris started it, only Philip Morris can end it.

If philipmorrisusa.com is the site to help you stop smoking, what Philip Morris site helps you start?

zoobyshoe

Feb27-06, 07:10 AM

If philipmorrisusa.com is the site to help you stop smoking, what Philip Morris site helps you start?
If I'd read your entire quetion, instead of your post, I might be able to scale to the top of the Empire State building holding Math Is Hard in one hand, but that sort of thing is ecouraged in this thread. So instead, I will improvise a scene from a play Shakespeare never wrote, but which he would have if he'd been a Phillip's Morris executive.

If I had posted the entire scene, instead of just announcing my intention to create it, I might be able to ask a new quetion, but that sort of thing is frowned upon in this thread, so, instead, I'm demoting Livingod to "Liver-pod", (that is the reason I'm thinking so much. It is because I am still writing about the quetion I am about to give you. omg! I have lost the quetion!) and now I proceed to quetion your anser:

Could someone please provide a comprehensive definition of the term "liver-pod" ?

turbo

Feb27-06, 10:15 AM

Could someone please provide a comprehensive definition of the term "liver-pod" ?Well, it has something to do with unborn infants breathing urine, although I'm not sure this answer is sufficiently stupid to satisfy the goals of the thread.

http://fanac.org/fanzines/Plokta/issue5/liver.htm

Will breathing urine ever catch on amongst adults?

zoobyshoe

Feb27-06, 10:27 AM

Will breathing urine ever catch on amongst adults?
Not unless you get busy and pioneer it for us! We all look forward to your reports!

Does anyone remember the lyrics?

turbo

Feb27-06, 10:40 AM

Not unless you get busy and pioneer it for us! We all look forward to your reports!It's hard lining up research assistants. The lady at the Ford agency keeps hanging up on me.

Does anyone remember the lyrics?There's a bathroom on the right.

Why did Oliver want more?

jimmie

Feb27-06, 11:22 AM

Why did Oliver want more?

Because he desired to be with the whole girl. Oliver wanted all of her.

Speaking of reach exceeding grasp, why can't i grasp that it's not possible to reach that which i want to exceedingly reach?

zoobyshoe

Mar2-06, 09:36 PM

Speaking of reach exceeding grasp, why can't i grasp that it's not possible to reach that which i want to exceedingly reach?
The reason you can't grasp this is because it requires standing with your left side to it, your right side to the setting sun, your right shoe on your left foot, your left shoe in your right pocket, and, on the stereo, in the background, just beneath the threshold of hearing, the soundtrack to The Benny Goodman Story.

Joe approached her just about holding his breath. She'd been alone pretty much the past half hour after the stringy, tall guy had danced with her. For some reason he'd wandered away when they were done. Joe couldn't figure. She was way better than that guy should have expected. Maybe that was it: he realized she was too good for him. Anyway, no one else had moved in, so Joe decided if she'd danced with the limp beanpole she'd surely agree to dance with him.

As he got closer she noticed him coming. It was just a glance, but if she wasn't stupid she'd know there wasn't anywhere else he was aimed but at her. Looking right into her eyes for that second would have stopped him in his tracks if he'd been walking any slower. She was actually cute. Dark brown eyes, dark hair, red lipstick, some sorta bluish colored dress that fit her better and better the closer he got.

Finally, he was there, and she lifted her face to him. He felt strangely calm, committed: "Say, I was wondering if I could ask you for the next dance?"

"Ya could if you wanted!" she said, sassy, and winked. It was the sexiest thing Joe had ever seen. The sexiest thing a girl had ever done right in his direction, on purpose. And at that point something happened to him I can't mention, it being 1940, and such things not discussed. Joe needed time to calm down. "Say, great!" He smiled. "Your quite a card! Hows about I get us some punch, first! Be right back! Stay right there!" and he spun and headed for the punch bowl on the other side of the room hoping his jacket was casting shadows in the right places.

What did Joe think about to calm down?

Livingod

Mar4-06, 12:03 AM

42.

what ISNT cool about that number? (for those who havent read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

zoobyshoe

Mar4-06, 01:09 AM

what ISNT cool about that number? (for those who havent read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
No, I aint comin' on that tab and don't see why you're blowin' your wig on it. It's a fraughty issue if that's all you got. Latch on, lane:

It's always fair weather
When hep cats get together
And every time they meet
Here's the way you'll hear them greet:

"A hubbah hubbah hubbah,
Hello dad!"

"Well, a'hubbah hubbah hubbah!
I just got back!"

"Wella hubbah hubbah hubbah
Let's shoot some breeze!"
Say, whatever happened to the Japanese?"

"Mmmm..a hubbah hubbah hubbah!
Haven't you heard?"

"A' hubbah hubbah hubbah!
Slip me the word!"

"I got it from a guy who was in the know:
It was mighty smokey over Tokyo!
Friend of mine, in a B-29,
Dropped another load for luck.
As he flew away,
He was heard to say:
'A' hubbah hubbah hubbah!
Yuk! Yuk!'"

Ed had shoulders like a two trucks parked side by side and wanted to use 'em to ram the singers up against a brick wall somewhere. Who wrote this crap? So the Japs went down after all, so what? Ed had never said "Yuk Yuk" after blew pink spray out of two Japs on Iwo Jima. You aim, squeeze, pink spray, they fall. No chuckles. You do it cause if you don't they'll do it to you.

He lit a Chesterfield and sucked. When he went to tap the ash off he was surprised to see he already had two going in the ash tray. Nerves. And they had to sing this crap song. Over the rail that separated the tables from the dance floor he saw that blonde eyeballin' him again. He wanted her, but he didn't know if he wanted to dance with her or pick her up and fling her out the window. Edgy Ed. Came back with a funny kind of temper.
Alot did.

Some came back dead, still walking around on two feet, though. Ed wondered if he might die like that sometime soon. Would the blonde understand how he went back to Iwo every night, why he woke up shouting and clawing the bed to get out of the heavy dirt piled on him suddenly by the mortar round?

Livingod

Mar5-06, 04:18 PM

Of course. Blondes are really smart and are capable of understanding such things.

Why did I wake up this morning covered in lube?

zoobyshoe

Mar5-06, 11:35 PM

Why did I wake up this morning covered in lube?
It doesn't matter. You'll always have a high coefficient of friction in my eyes.
-------
Myron Meyer stopped the black convertible in front of the Mt. Etna Italian restaurant very suddenly, as though he'd decided to stop right then and there. But he hadn't. The four huge guys he had with him got out of the car so fast you'd have thought the floor was crawling with rattlesnakes. It wasn't. They were just moving fast on their way to surprise someone before they got too noticed. In a second they were inside. Myron kept his left foot on the clutch and teased the gas pedal with his right, his eyes glued to the front of the joint, ears open wide.

About 15 seconds later the first man came out shoving the Guinea in front of him directing his frantic path to the car by an arm twisted behind his back. The other three came right behind. One suddenly whipped his handkerchief around the Guinea's face and tied it into a gag. Then they all lifted him and shoved him down on the floor in the rear. "Go", said Ira to Myron, getting in next to him. The car lurched from the curb and disappeared around the next left.

"That's the first and last time that's ever gonna work, ain't it?" Solly said. "From now on Mr. Spaghetti's gonna keep all his number scribblers in a shoe box under his own bed. He won't let nobody pull this again."

"Goes without sayin," Ira answered. "This is a one of a kind."

"So, this is "Little Italy".

"This is it. What, you're saying you never been here? You should come back Saturday night. Try this place up here with the awning. There. That one right there. I had a lasangna there worth killing for once."

"Lasangna? Talk about not kosher. Meat and cheese."

"Shut up. Don't talk to me about kosher. I seen you eat a sausage and eggs breakfast and wash it down with a glass a milk. Shut up, hypocrite."

"Not me. No you didn't. I never ate such a breakfast. Who eats breakfast, anyway? Say, Myron, you ever seen me eat a breakfast?"

"No, I never seen such a thing."

"See, Ira? Myron never seen me eat a breakfast. Hey, Herman, you ever seen me eat a breakfast?" Solly nudged the quiet hulk sitting next to him, but Herman just sat staring blankly ahead. "Hey, Herman. Hey. Watsamattah? You OK?"

Ira turned and looked at Herman. Herman's eyes didn't look right. Looked like they weren't focused on anything. He wasn't blinking. "Check around him, Solly, see if he's bleedin' or something. I didn't hear no shot, though. You hear a shot? "

"Not me," Solly assured him. "I don't see no blood, either. Wonder if he had a heart attack?"

"Oy, Gewalt!" Ira slapped himself in the forehead. "He tol' me once he had a hincky ticker! I thought he was making it up. He's only 28, for Chris' sake. "

"I don't think he's anything anymore." concluded Solly.

"Sheeze." said Ira after a contemplative pause, " All the guys within ten block a here who'd blow his head off if they knew what he just done, and his own ticker does him in. I call that irony."

--------------

What do you suppose Herman had for breakfast?

Math Is Hard

Mar5-06, 11:56 PM

What do you suppose Herman had for breakfast?
Herman? No tellin'. He got mixed up with that one-strapped dame outta Tuscon with the polygon glint and that double-stitched neon tube-top from the local Walmart. She was heavily into cottonism and subsisted on a diet mainly of stolen hotel towels and q-tips.
Why do you suppose, that in the middle of the night, Herman woke up to find her gone, with nothing left of her but a trace of straggled white lint on the door knob of their hotel room?

zoobyshoe

Mar6-06, 12:15 AM

Why do you suppose, that in the middle of the night, Herman woke up to find her gone, with nothing left of her but a trace of straggled white lint on the door knob of their hotel room?
Herman was never a fluent conversationalist, and even less than usual on the subject of vegetable fibers. That being her meat and potatoes, they had little in common to talk about over dinners. There's more to a diet than fiber, Herman thought, and didn't appreciate the way she always bound his lime jello in a cocoon of mercerized cotton thread. It was always just a matter of time before she accepted he'd never treat her like the spinning wheel she longed to be mistaken for.

When the one-strapped Tucson Tessie hailed a cab that night and told the driver "Harlem, please. The Cotton Club," she set off on an adventure the likes of which she never expected. On the seat beside her she found a newspaper.

What did the headline say?

Livingod

Mar6-06, 09:09 PM

"Rotation Of Earth Plunges Entire North American Continent Into Darkness"
Assuming, of course, that the newspaper was The Onion.
---------------
Why don't any of you worship me?

zoobyshoe

Mar6-06, 09:26 PM

Why don't any of you worship me?
We never recieved the free, autographed copy of your bible.

Tearing the box open, throwing bits of cardboard everywhere, Dermot dug into the box of potatoes his grandfather had bequeathed him in his will. Rather than potatoes, however, he was horrified to discover it was a case of books Cottonism: The Complete Guide.

Who knew gramps was into that?

Math Is Hard

Mar9-06, 03:02 AM

We never recieved the free, autographed copy of your bible.

Tearing the box open, throwing bits of cardboard everywhere, Dermot dug into the box of potatoes his grandfather had bequeathed him in his will. Rather than potatoes, however, he was horrified to discover it was a case of books Cottonism: The Complete Guide.

Who knew gramps was into that?
Well, it sure wasn't grandma. She would have nothing but the finest backseamed nylons for her undergear.

In the 1970's and 1980's, the American Meat and Dairy Councils dominated the decisions on the creation of the famous "food pyramid" for dietary recommendations. How was the American Cotton Growers Association systematically squeezed out of these discussions?

zoobyshoe

Mar9-06, 03:19 AM

In the 1970's and 1980's, the American Meat and Dairy Councils dominated the decisions on the creation of the famous "food pyramid" for dietary recommendations. How was the American Cotton Growers Association systematically squeezed out of these discussions?
That's the burning quetion, isn't it? The "Urban Legend" version is that cotton is only edible in its carnival candy form, and candy is not food, proper. Mythbusters, however, tackled this legend in it's second season and demonstrated that cotton can, actually, be added in moderate quantities to fast food meat patties and provide all the nutrition currently supplied in those by rat fur. So, I'm afraid the true anser remains to be discovered.

Once when I was preocupuied pulling porcupine quills out of my shin with a pair of needle-nosed pliers, several representatives of The Comittee For The Re-Institution Of The Presidency Of James Garfield approached me and began informing me of recent research that indicated the cause of Global Warming was not, in fact, CO2 gas, but certain more subtle imbalances in the higher frequencies of the Aether caused by President James Garfield having been prevented from serving his full term in office. Completely persuaded by their remarkable analysis, I signed their petition and gave them each a stick of gum. Just then a crow feather drifted down from somewhere up in the trees above us, and landed on the head of one of their number. What was disconcerting about this was that no crow, proper, was evident up in the trees, nor had we noticed one fly by. I, therefore, made a note in my journal about it: "Crow feather drops from indeterminate source. 08-04-04, 10:22 A.M." One of their number noticed the date as I scribbled, and remarked that 8 minus 4 minus 4 was equal to zero. Unfortunately, my math wasn't up to acertaining whether or not that notion had any validity, so I grunted non-commitally, and handed him a bloody porcupine quill. "Calculate that my friend," I said ominously, "Calculate that." Completely convinced I was way ahead of him, they withdrew from the encounter and disappeared down the path. All in all, I judged I had acquitted myself very well considering I was clenching my teeth in agony the whole time, and I set to extracting the rest of the quills. Little did I realize I was, even in my pain, much better of than a particular crow 237 miles away who was being whipped into a kind of feathery cloud inside a tornado funnel that had caught him and his pals in a grain field outside Desmoines and wouldn't let them go.

Ever been skinny dippin'?

Math Is Hard

Mar10-06, 01:20 AM

Not by choice.

When I was 17, I was hired to promote a local Chinese restaurant and they sent me door to door to local apartment complexes to hand out brochures. The job required that I dress as a giant fortune cookie, and my costume was lovingly baked by 7 chefs from the kitchen.

Well, wouldn't you know it, as I was on my rounds, I came around the back of one apartment complex into the pool area where a drunken horde of frat boys tossed me into the pool as casually as a wonton into a soup. My sugary costume melted away and I had only the oversized paper-strip "fortune message" from the cookie to wrap myself in as I emerged, sputtering and humiliated, from the deep end.

What do you suppose the fortune said?

zoobyshoe

Mar10-06, 01:33 AM

What do you suppose the fortune said?
"Those around you will soon become aware of your hidden assets."

Once when I was visiting a Polish aviator of my acquaintance, I was admiring his remarkable collection of stuffed and mounted tequila worms, when he rushed into the room shouting at me to get out fast because his toilet was erupting like a volcano and we were in immanent danger of being trapped and entombed in the pyroclastic flow. I was pretty certain, though, he was simply trying to get rid of me so he could entertain a lady friend of our mutual acquaintance without having to share her attentions with me, I replied, therefore, that I felt I should have a look at the unusual behaviour of his domestic plumbing to see for myself whether I concurred with his diagnosis of vulcanism. Just as I finished speaking a blast of scorching hot air rammed into the room, knocking me against the wall, and this was followed by a blinding, choking inrush of particulate matter such that I was incapacitated.

Don't you hate when that happens?

The Bob

Mar10-06, 11:40 AM

jimmie

Mar10-06, 08:39 PM

I dunno. Should it be 'Don't you hate it when that happens?

Uhh....yeah...it should be "Don't you hate it when that happens?", instead of "Don't you hate when that happens?".

"What" is the defintion of "it"?

Mattara

Mar12-06, 06:41 AM

no what is the definition of the unit of mass

Could purple ever use evil mad monkeys of doom to run the world?

Livingod

Mar12-06, 12:19 PM

I am prejudiced against certain colors such as black, white, and red. This would probably make me a 'colorist'. But I am also prejudiced for purple, grey, and orange. So I have only one thing to say: "Purple power!!11111" and that purple can do whatever it wants if it sets its mind to it.

------------------------------------------------------------

Even though my real, native name indeed means "Living God," how come I am neither living nor omniscient yet?

(You will be glad to know that although I am not omniscient, I am omnipotent. So don't worry about that.)

jimmie

Mar12-06, 03:00 PM

Even though my real, native name indeed means "Living God," how come I am neither living nor omniscient yet?

I am, it's just that you are not aware of it, yet.

Speaking of what you are, which in reality is were, I thought, and, there seems to be, more often than not, little opportunity, for you, and others, to call a time-out, required in b-ball, for all subs to be made, and pause, to contemplate, that which you are not.

So, why is it that some subs taste better toasted?

Mattara

Mar12-06, 03:23 PM

well, atleast i think that the subforum "brain teasers" taste better raw.

Why are the tellitubies scary?

jimmy p

Mar12-06, 07:19 PM

Probably something to do with the fact that they eat goat curry for breakfast.

What haven't I missed in the last week or so?

Mattara

Mar13-06, 04:46 AM

A big disc hitting the "post reply" button and now it can never have any children...

What will the "quote" button do now?

jimmie

Mar13-06, 07:31 PM

What will the "quote" button do now?

Provide enough spam, from solicitors seeking your money for the job to do whatever, to choke a horse.

Speaking of horses, what is spam made from?

Math Is Hard

Mar14-06, 01:51 AM

Spigs, what else?

I went for my routine check-up this morning. The doctor said that I had a heart of gold, a silver tongue, a mercuric wit, nerves of steel, and a cast-iron stomach. Do you think chelation therapy is in order?

zoobyshoe

Mar14-06, 02:31 AM

Do you think chelation therapy is in order?
I don't know what "chelation therapy" is, so I'm going to assume "chelation" is just what it sounds like: chuckling with elation, and recomend you take it easy with that. People will start whispering about you.

Did you hear Math Is Hard whisper, whisper, whisper, Math is...whisper, whisper...whisper, whisper?

Livingod

Mar14-06, 06:06 PM

jimmy p

Mar15-06, 02:43 PM

No, I heard that whisper, whisper, Math, whisper, whisper, goat died, whisper whisper, went to Calcutta, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, pajamas.

Why is my post count stuck on 41 for the past few months?

Because the mentors are secretly hoarding your posts. Every month they share them out evenly which is why mentor posts are so high and yours (and mine) are so low.

How does a zoobie get power into his brush shelter?

jimmie

Mar15-06, 10:26 PM

How does a zoobie get power into his brush shelter?

With a 100' extension cord plugged into a currant bush.

Speaking of plants, does a mathematician's plants have square roots?

penguinraider

Mar16-06, 01:55 PM

No, theyr'e fractals.

Why am I a nerd?

Mattara

Mar16-06, 03:49 PM

You are not a nerd. N.E.R.D being short for never-ever-relating-dancer

Why do I always come up with lame abbr.:s? (Azur-bandana-band-rackets)

penguinraider

Mar16-06, 03:53 PM

Because you are speaking a subliminal language no-one understands

Why have I doing nothing else for 3 hours just to see if anyone will reply to my post?

Mattara

Mar16-06, 04:04 PM

Because three hours is a close approximation to:

2

Why is 2 (equalsignwithdiagonalline) 1

penguinraider

Mar16-06, 04:06 PM

???

Okay....

Why do gnorglaffels fnrorp?

jimmy p

Mar16-06, 06:50 PM

Why do gnorglaffels fnrorp?

I used to wonder the same thing. Many hours I spent searching dictionaries at first, then encyclopedias, then the internet, and then the ancient and lost (not so lost now) manuscripts of Chzofl. My searches were fruitless. Then I found that the quetion was wrong. If phrased "Why don't gnorglaffels not fnrorp?" It makes perfect sense. See for yourself.

Why don't searches lack vegetables?

EnumaElish

Mar16-06, 06:57 PM

You know why

Does this imply Vee know Zee?

Livingod

Mar17-06, 05:02 PM

No, Vee still do not know Zee.

The feeling when you stick a Q-Tip into your ear, you all know what I'm talking about. Is it a sin to feel such pleasure?

jimmy p

Mar17-06, 06:53 PM

It is only a sin on Thursday mornings at about 9.46pm.

Why do Q-tips not look like Q's?

Livingod

Mar17-06, 08:18 PM

They do if you bend them the right way.

Why don't zebras develop chameleon skin?

jimmie

Mar17-06, 09:13 PM

Why don't zebras develop chameleon skin?

Because the market for chameleon skin is currently being saturated by a plethora of licensed, voluntary, one-time suppliers, including snakes, alligators, crocodiles, rhinoceroses, peacocks, foxes, elephants, lemmings, geckos, eels, and, chameleons which account for 1.4% of the total global chameleon skin market.

Hence, the long-term development plans for zebras include supplying lucrative tiger skin, rhino skin after they become extinct by becoming chameleon skin, and to a much lesser extent, zebra skin.

Speaking of baggage, how does one get a grip on that which they cannot handle?

Livingod

Mar18-06, 08:49 PM

Topology. Make two intrusions into the surface for finger holes while still keeping the shape intact.

Speaking of genetic development, why do you all still believe in evolution despite the tremendous anount of evidence behind Intelligent Design?

jimmie

Mar18-06, 08:59 PM

Speaking of genetic development, why do you all still believe in evolution despite the tremendous anount of evidence behind Intelligent Design?

Because evolution was where all the action was.

Speaking of putting the cart before the horse, what do you think causes an individual to put their hand to their mouth?

jimmy p

Mar20-06, 11:22 AM

Speaking of putting the cart before the horse, what do you think causes an individual to put their hand to their mouth?

They only do it cos they cant fit their foot in there

Why are there 3 I's in individual?

jimmie

Mar20-06, 08:39 PM

Why are there 3 I's in individual?

Because the other two eyes inside the individual would be useless without the third impartial mind's eye.

Speaking of lighthouses, did you know that a concrete home, when dry, probably weighs less than a wood-framed home soaking wet?

franzbear!

Mar20-06, 08:54 PM

Because the other two eyes inside the individual would be useless without the third impartial mind's eye.

Speaking of lighthouses, did you know that a concrete home, when dry, probably weighs less than a wood-framed home soaking wet?
No, I didn't. Wonderful, even more trivial information I don't need. :grumpy:

Sentences are made of words, and words of letters. What are letters made of?

KingNothing

Mar20-06, 11:05 PM

Stamps and envelopes.

If stevie wonder is blind, how does he know if there is superstitious writing on the wall?

jimmie

Mar20-06, 11:36 PM

If stevie wonder is blind, how does he know if there is superstitious writing on the wall?

The seeing-eye-dog is trained to bark at all graffiti.

No, I didn't. Wonderful, even more trivial information I don't need.

Uhhh....make that a really small, no, tiny, concrete home and a really large, no, really, really large, almost a medium-sized hotel, wood-framed home. :rolleyes:

Speaking of trivial information initiated by flippant remarks made by individuals not thinking their thoughts through, did you see the State of the Union Address? :biggrin:

Livingod

Mar21-06, 08:39 AM

No, frankly, I find the president a bit too liberal for my tastes.

If the president is liberal, why did he outlaw stem cell research?

jimmie

Mar21-06, 10:10 AM

If the president is liberal, why did he outlaw stem cell research?

Because, outlaws outlaw things.

What do in-laws do?

zoobyshoe

Mar22-06, 06:34 AM

What do in-laws do?
What a repellent, disgusting quetion. You should be put in the public stocks in some small 17th century New England village and be enthusiastically ridiculed by exceptionally short dwarves dressed in drag.
------
The airplane carcasses lay strewn about the field, some missing a wing, others the nose, other a tail, but Arthur, the gourmet chef, seemed unconcerned about them, and continued his work over the charcoal grill with full concentration. In a lawn chair to his left sprawled Martha. Merely 30, she was nevertheless already a sort of middle aged shapeless bag of potatoes in lumpy shorts and a bikini top distended from it's original construction by her huge, but gravity-conquored, breasts. She wore a red kerchief to hold her blond hair back from the breeze, and a pair of pointy sunglasses hid her closed eyes.

Arthur glanced over at the quonset hut at the sound of a door slamming and saw Colonel Jaspers headed their way with his Aides-De-Camp Eigerbottom. Jaspers, 6 foot 4, with a short grey buzzcut and jaw like Dick Tracey, swaggered in their direction holding a rifle. His jungle camoflage fatigues weren't good for much here in the desert, but he liked them. They made him feel combat ready. Pausing, he took aim at an old jeep 50 feet away and fired 6 rounds into it. Martha jerked up from her reclining position, totally startled, and let out a little whimper.

When Jaspers arrived at the grill he saw that she was staring at him, clutching her chest, hyperventilating. "Oh, darlin' "he said, "Did I scare ya?" Martha said nothing. She just rolled her upper body to one side of the loungchair and heaved the contents of her stomach onto the dusty ground. "Yeah, I guess I did", Jaspers observed.

"Can I get you some water, Maam?" Eigerbottom asked.

"F**k you!" she replied. "F**k you all!"

"Sheeeeeoooot!" Jaspers said. "What a mouth on her!" Eigerbottom, who was, strangely enough, Chinese, took a notebook from his vest pocket and made a short note. Jaspers noticed and narrowed his eyes in hostile curiosity, but said nothing. Instead he turned to Arthur:

"How them vittles comin'?"

Livingod

Mar25-06, 02:56 PM

They ain't comin so good these days. The ones I bought from the store were generic, so they take fifteen minutes to get going.

Do you know of any that are of name-brand?

jimmie

Mar25-06, 06:38 PM

Do you know of any that are of name-brand?

Only "one".

Speaking of others thinking they are one, how 'bout them patriots?

zoobyshoe

Mar25-06, 07:12 PM

Speaking of others thinking they are one, how 'bout them patriots?
"Sorry, Colonel," said Arthur, "I don't follow sports."

"I do" interrupted Eigerbottom.

Jaspers turned to him and studied his face trying to find an explanation for his strange behavior today. Eigerbottom stared blankly back. Not defiant, he still didn't flinch like Jasers thought he should.

"'Scuse me, chief petty-officer Eigerbottom. I was trying to strike up a conversation with our chef here. When I address you, you'll know it."

"F**k you, pushy bastard!" Martha interjected. "You think you're the boss of everyone!"

"I am the boss of everyone, darlin'. Here, I'll show you."

He lifted his rifle to Eigerbottom's chest, and squeezed the trigger. There was a loud metalic click, but instead of the expected explosion Jaspers let out a protracted, crescendoing fart. It was one of his talents. The trick worked. Eigerbottom's face had gone red with fear, and then embarrassment.

"So, Eigerbottom", querried Jaspers, with a special edge to his voice, and just about whispering, "What was it you wanted to say about them patriots?"

Livingod

Mar26-06, 06:21 PM

Patriots? What patriots? Them folks were outta fashion a hundred years ago. Nowadays, it's them conspiracy theorists, thinkin' they're all that, no trust in the president, (a tear rolls down my cheek) it's sad. Just really sad.

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 06:27 PM

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

Because it stops tax-payers money going to something useful. Let me guess, you would rather the money spent on education or healthcare. You make me sick.

Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 06:34 PM

Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?
It depends on where it hurts. Go like this.

Does that hurt?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 06:38 PM

Does that hurt?

Only when I stand on one leg and jam a pencil in my ear. Then I get sharp pains in my tail.

Is that a good sign?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 06:48 PM

Is that a good sign?
I'd say you're in perfect health, except for the ear-stabbing compulsion, but that's some sort of behavioral glitch that will go away once you reach puberty.

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 07:01 PM

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

Close...21. Puberty is my arch-nemesis and I refuse to take part in any evil scheming. Besides, creatures of my calibre don't need to pubertise. Asexual reproduction is our game.

Do zoobies pubertise?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 07:29 PM

Do zoobies pubertise?
I'm not sure I want to answer that quetion. I've never heard the word "pubertise" before and it may not mean what it sounds like. We don't advertise it when we arrive, if that's what you're asking.

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 07:32 PM

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

Only in the outback regions of greater Haroldchestertonfieldville are there such ad agencies which publicise pubertisation. And in such an alarming manner as well.

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 07:38 PM

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?
I always become aware of this by physical changes involving hair and body shape. The males grow a large hunch on their back and the females' hair turns into a mass of wriggling pit vipers.

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 07:42 PM

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

I suppose that having never been through the hardship of puberty in this life and my future lifetimes, I have never experienced hump growth as a link to puberty. As for pit vipers as hair, fashion changes so quickly. I look for discolouration of the skin and the ability to pass through solid objecets as a signal of the pubertisation of a person.

Why not pit-bulls instead?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 07:47 PM

Why not pit-bulls instead?
The bull dog is not talented on the clarinet, sax, or trombone, and wouldn't be able to carry off it's solo spot.

What on earth am I talking about now?

jimmy p

Mar26-06, 07:53 PM

What on earth am I talking about now?

Obviously the price of cheese on one market stall compared to the price of bananas on another. Then again, Medusa wouldn't have had the same effect she slithered in with pitbulls playing jazz/classical music. Best leave them to look menacing.

What have cheese, bananas and Medusa got in common?

zoobyshoe

Mar26-06, 08:06 PM

What have cheese, bananas and Medusa got in common?
All three were included on the menu of the last meal prepared for the pet pit-bull of condemned pubertizer Alan G. Gordon, who, in addition to the crime of having two first names, was convicted of false pubertizing for rich old widows eager to create the false impression of extreme youth. His unofficial records found scrawled on the underside of his desk drawer indicate that he regenerated no fewer than 569 elderly ladies in this fashion and thus lead many a callow young fellow into a match he found confusing and disagreeable.

Still, there's something I don't understand. Why did they put his dog to death?

jimmy p

Mar27-06, 03:59 AM

Still, there's something I don't understand. Why did they put his dog to death?

From the way I understood it, there could be a number or reasons why, for example, the pitbull was the brains of the outfit. Or maybe they couldn't decide which one of Alan G. Gordon to execute. Maybe they death penalty only applied to dogs in the country he lived in.

I believe the first reason, because there was motive for the dog. Not good enough to be part of a freshly pubertised woman's hairdo, he would have been very angry, so after biting a few children in half he came accross the idea. He just needed someone with thumbs. His master(s) were the perfect choice. While Alan G. Gordon committed the offences, the pitbull was using his as a pawn, through hypnosis.

How would a dog learn hypnosis though?

madcat11

Mar27-06, 08:52 AM

How would a dog learn hypnosis though?

It's offered at the pound on the 3rd Thursdays of the month - the 2nd Thursdays being Yoga and canine singles night.

How is dog Yoga superior to Hindu?

jimmie

Mar28-06, 07:13 PM

How is dog Yoga superior to Hindu?

No thing is or was superior to any thing, comparatively speaking. :rolleyes:

Speaking of apples and oranges, what's the recipe for disaster?

zanazzi78

Mar29-06, 06:33 AM

I`m not sure of the recipe but i know George and Barbara Bush got it right!

Why if it`s called a pound does it cost £150 to get your car back?

zoobyshoe

Mar29-06, 07:08 AM

Why if it`s called a pound does it cost £150 to get your car back?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because once when I was being dragged behind a fishing trawler, having been snared in its net while engaged in a bit of recreational fish-slapping, it occured to me that I had no idea what a British pound authentically weighed, and worse, I wasn't interested in finding out. I couldn't understand how I'd become so jaded and uncurious about the many resplendant bits of trivia there are to be pondered, and I felt I ought to seek therapeutic help, however I was awfully busy at the moment trying not to drown and soon forgot all about it.

Why on earth did you remind me?

zanazzi78

Mar29-06, 07:27 AM

I thought you still needed help.

Not being one for shocking fish with such "physical" means, I prefer electrocution, has a fish ever slapped back? (noobies initiation not counting).

zoobyshoe

Mar29-06, 01:13 PM

Not being one for shocking fish with such "physical" means, I prefer electrocution, has a fish ever slapped back? (noobies initiation not counting).
I am distracted from thoroughly ansering your quetion by trying to wrap my mind around the concept of non-physical electrocution, but I can say that the fish may well desire to slap back as they always seem rather pouty.

Where can I get hold of some of these non-physical electrons to tinker with?

madcat11

Mar29-06, 01:31 PM

Where can I get hold of some of these non-physical electrons to tinker with?

Possibly a new age shop, or failing that, a hoover salesman might point you in the right direction.

I personally have not had cause to slap a fish, but during my short stay in the coast guard, I was involved in some rather nasty crab-wrangling.

Why is it crabs prefer pina coladas to any other beverage?

zoobyshoe

Mar29-06, 01:53 PM

Why is it crabs prefer pina coladas to any other beverage?
I don't know, but let's look at the facts and see if we can't reason it out: rum, coconut milk (or coconut creme) and pineapple juice. These are the facts of the drink. The other fact to cogitate upon is that of the crab. Bearing these facts in mind you can see the anser was staring you in the face all along.

Recently when I woke up in the crab exhibit at sea world to find a crab sitting on my chest staring me in the face all along it occured to me that crabs aren't really crabbier than say, lobsters, and certainly nowhere near as crabby as tasmanian devils, so I began to wonder why they'd been so named. I was distracted from that train of intellectual exploration however when a crab wrangler entered the enclosure and, mistaking me for a crab, tried to wrangle me. That only made me feel crabby, and I lifted him and hurled him back out the door. From without I heard him remark "No wonder they call them 'crabs.'"

Is everything, really, a case of mistaken identity?

Nimz

Mar29-06, 02:14 PM

Is everything, really, a case of mistaken identity?

No. The fact of the matter is that everything really is a case of mistaken identity. It hasn't always been that way, though. Before the 1400's, everything was perfectly clear to identify, but some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. The mistaking of identity has been rampant ever since.

Would we really be any better off if everything was correctly identified?

zoobyshoe

Mar29-06, 02:40 PM

No. The fact of the matter is that everything really is a case of mistaken identity. It hasn't always been that way, though. Before the 1400's, everything was perfectly clear to identify, but some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. The mistaking of identity has been rampant ever since.

Would we really be any better off if everything was correctly identified?
No. The fact of the matter is that we would really be better off if everything were correctly identified. It hasn't always been that way though. Before the 1400's everthing was perfectly identified yet some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. So, even though they were able to perfectly identify everything back then, before the 1400's, still, they had no coin laundromats.

If Bob has two coins for the laundry, and you give him one of yours, should we subtract that from the one Jack gave Sam Tuesday at the library for the copy machine or should we add it to the one Frank picked off of his mother's dresser top, since she had found it sitting on a bus bench, anyway?

Mattara

Apr2-06, 12:26 PM

If Bob has two coins for the laundry, and you give him one of yours, should we subtract that from the one Jack gave Sam Tuesday at the library for the copy machine or should we add it to the one Frank picked off of his mother's dresser top, since she had found it sitting on a bus bench, anyway?

Addition is one of the basic operations of arithmetic. In its simplest form, addition combines two numbers (terms, summands), the augend and addend, into a single number, the sum. Adding more numbers corresponds to repeated addition. By extension, addition of zero, one or infinitely many numbers can be defined. The operation used to find the result of taking away something from a group, or finding parts of a whole. Subtraction is indicated by the minus sign (-). Subtraction is the opposite of addition. When a number is subtracted from another number, the resulting number is smaller than the minuend.

Can you say "lollipop"?

Livingod

Apr2-06, 06:15 PM

I doubt it, whenever I try, I end up saying lollipop.

No offense but, how many polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

jimmie

Apr2-06, 09:09 PM

No offense but, how many polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It used to take just one, but that one polack got very tired day after day of screwing in thousands of other people's light bulbs in poland. So, that one ingenious polack, developed, patented, and marketed the LED light array. With its advantages of durability and ease of use (no screwing a round socket), that one polack now rests easily atop the fortune made from the sales of all LED's worldwide.

Speaking of bright ideas, is there a dim switch and a dimmest switch?

nocturnal

Apr2-06, 10:21 PM

It used to take just one, but that one polack got very tired day after day of screwing in thousands of other people's light bulbs in poland. So, that one ingenious polack, developed, patented, and marketed the LED light array. With its advantages of durability and ease of use (no screwing), that one polack now rests easily atop the fortune made from the sales of all LED's worldwide.

Speaking of bright ideas, is there a dim switch and a dimmest switch?
Funny you should mention that. I was just on safari through the far reaches of the Congo and discovered there are actually hundereds of thousands of dim switches, entire civilizations of them. However, there is only one supreme switch, the dimmest switch, to rule them all. He lives in the back of some guys panasonic cd player, no one knows where!

If the three toed sloth evolved a fourth toe, what would we call it?

jimmie

Apr2-06, 11:20 PM

If the three toed sloth evolved a fourth toe, what would we call it?

It already has, and it is called a "dew claw". It premiered in the fall of 2005 and its purpose is to enable the "sloth 2.0" to 'trip-up' its prey, such as cheetahs, while in high speed pursuit. Scientists are eagerly awaiting the response of the cheetahs to counteract the sloth's current competitive edge.

Sources indicate a new and improved cheetah version, as yet unnamed, may include stealth technology that enable the cheetahs to easily sneak up on their prey, such as Thomson's gazelles, as well as hide from crafty predators like the three toed "sloth". Expect the .5 upgrade version within 6 months.

Speaking of upgrades, do students in Denver deliver higher SAT scores that students in LA?

Livingod

Apr3-06, 10:02 PM

Of course. Scientists have confirmed a new human species much superior to ourselves living just a mere five miles beneath Denver. These incredibly advanced people have Photosynthetic transportation, also known as "Beam me up, Scottie!" and the algorithm for guessing the correct answers on the first two parts of the SAT with a 98 percent accuracy.

These people are temporarily called "Morton" or "Mortonson" after the scientist who found them, Dr. Tim Morton, PhD. (There is speculation that these people will inherit the latin name "Homo Sapiens Sapiens" from us, while Whites and non-Whites get reduced to "Neanderthal" and "Homo Erectus" respectively.)

This story of the new species "Morton(son)" under Denver has been told before, so I cannot take credit. My question is: Where did I get the story from?
(In case anyone is wondering, their skin color is gray)

Geographer

Apr4-06, 12:25 PM

Does anyone know of any good, active geography forums? If so, please let me know. kthx. (serious)

Oh... a stupid question: does cold exist?

Livingod

Apr4-06, 06:10 PM

It will, if you read the instructions at the beginning of the thread.

Now, back to my question...
Where did I get the story from?

jimmie

Apr4-06, 08:03 PM

Where did I get the story from?

Cave Dweller Digest, May 2005 Issue, pages 43-52.

Speaking of spelunking, have those 'chunnel" people finished that enormous 7926.5 mile long cave system through the earth's core from North America to China yet?

zoobyshoe

Apr4-06, 11:49 PM

Speaking of spelunking, have those 'chunnel" people finished that enormous 7926.5 mile long cave system through the earth's core from North America to China yet?
Almost, and soon a thousand coke-crazed Red Chinese soldiers will break to the surface beneath your house weilding cans of spray paint, cages of canaries, and dragging 1969 Ford Fairlane front bumpers, all the while singing a chorus from Beethoven's Fidelio. They will slap you with handfuls of green starfish and fill your orifices with powdered sugar.
----------
Once, prior to my birth, when I was crawling on all fours toward a kind of ditch or sinkhole where I used to spend my spare time ruminating on the injustice of the relative paucity of saliva glands, I was interrupted by an imperious fellow who stood in my way, preventing me from proceeding, and who began to lecture me on the average number of pixels in the average human face. "Pixels?" I said. "You mean cells? You mean pores?"

"Not pixels", he replied, "Pixies." The average human face is home to an average of 32,648,785 pixies. More for women. Women wear makeup and the pixies eat it and live longer. If you kiss a woman who is wearing makeup, all your facial pixies will jump over to her face."

"Well, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good for the pixies, of course."

"What about for the kissers?"

"They're kissing. They have no complaints."

"Well, then, all's right with the world. Got any spare change?"

"No, but here's some pixie dust. Happy kissing."

"Hey, thanks a million."

"You know who you want to kiss with it?"

"Yeah, I have a pretty good idea."

"OK. Happy kissing!" he said, and he maneuvered around me on his way to the next lucky recipient of pixie dust.

How soon do you suppose I have to use up my pixie dust before it expires?

jimmie

Apr6-06, 12:53 AM

How soon do you suppose I have to use up my pixie dust before it expires?

No one knows. Unfortunately, the FDA has categorized pixie dust as "a posteriori", meaning there is not a "best before" date.

Speaking of expiration dates, when is the end of the world?

zoobyshoe

Apr7-06, 01:21 AM

Speaking of expiration dates, when is the end of the world?
It's funny you should ask that quetion.

In my minds eye I see a large spider, one of the hairy kind, with striped legs feeling over the edge of a table, touching, touching, nothing but air. I think it could sit there patiently for eternity feeling for some foothold upon which to crawl next.

Any quetions?

Math Is Hard

Apr7-06, 02:09 AM

It's funny you should ask that quetion.

In my minds eye I see a large spider, one of the hairy kind, with striped legs feeling over the edge of a table, touching, touching, nothing but air. I think it could sit there patiently for eternity feeling for some foothold upon which to crawl next.

Any quetions?
well, yes. At what infinitesmal point in time does the spider's leg touch the table edge, and at that time, where does the table edge end and the leg begin?

But who cares. JFK Grimwalt, inventor of the famous jellycide, JelBGone, died in 1997. Why was this officially called a case of suicidal carbon monoxide poisoning despite the raised purple whelps found on his body at the time of death?

zoobyshoe

Apr9-06, 07:40 AM

But who cares. JFK Grimwalt, inventor of the famous jellycide, JelBGone, died in 1997. Why was this officially called a case of suicidal carbon monoxide poisoning despite the raised purple whelps found on his body at the time of death?
News travels backward when your hard at work, and it was freezing in the cockpit of the B-17 bound for Schweinfurt when we recieved the news of Grimwalt's demise. His death was a shock to us since, from our perspective, he hadn't been born yet. We had no time to mourn: there were ball bearing factories to blast to pieces, and the navigator had us on edge with occasional complaints about his Norden Bomb Sight. Anyway we knew our work against the Nazi menace was just a prelude to JFK Grimwalt's future fight against nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish.

Grimwalt, we learned, had been killed by hideous Überquallen, the secret Nazi super-jellyfisch that were being bred to take over the role of the Unterseeboot. The war was over before they could put this nefarious plan into action, but they had already released several of the grotesque monstrosities into the Atlantic for trial runs.

With an instinct for self preservation like no other creature on earth, the Überquallen had simply smelled Grimwalts intention to develop anti-jellie technologies, had slowly triangulated his position, and converged on him one terrible night in 1997.

Of course, JelBGone, was already a fait accompli, and in use on a daily basis to beat back the tides of nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish that disrupt the sleep of the good and wicked alike, but not without it's inventor paying the ultimate price.

The existence of Überquallen, however, must never be made known to the public least there be panic in the streets. Therefore, his death was ruled suicide by automobile exhaust poisoning. That just hapened to be the next fake cause of death on the list.

--------

The place was jumpin'. Uncle Stanley's Six Piece Quartette was on the podium neath the high roof blasting out New Orleans Dixieland. A tap on the shoulder turned me around to face a smiling guy with a clipboard. "Would you like to take my "hug survey" he asked.

What should I have said?

Mattara

Apr9-06, 04:23 PM

You should have corrected his grammer and spelling.

"hug" is actually meant to be "huge" and "survey" is related to Swedens geological suvey (google).

So what the guy was actually a psychotic murderer with a thing for dirty sweds. He must have approached the wrong person..His ultimate plane was to take you outside and burry you alive in 20 feet of dirt on the oarking lot. But seeing as you are a and or the zoobyshoe, you could have just turned around and eaten his bow-tie.

Why have you not been to your normal tie-bow class?

jimmie

Apr10-06, 08:04 PM

Why have you not been to your normal tie-bow class?

No energy, the stairmaster is killing me.

Speaking of stairs, what do you get when you walk down the crowded street naked except for a couple of fig leafs?

Mattara

Apr15-06, 05:59 PM

Well I assume that by "naked" you mean "dekan" which sort of reminds me of the head of a college. If you have a couple of fig leaves your measurement is not that accurate, you need more than a few fig leaves to get it accurate. I guess that would be kicked out of college for that.

What is college?

Livingod

Apr17-06, 05:34 PM

if by "college" you mean "glue," it is the adhesive material that you may sniff for pleasure (warning: may cause you to see dragons) and waste by smearing it between two objects to stick them together.

Having said that, I have no idea what "college" is, thus, using my wonderful speechcraft, I effortlessly changed the subject. So what is "college" really?

jimmie

Apr18-06, 10:21 AM

So what is "college" really?

College is where one is constantly reminded of the differences between a quetion and an anser to that quetion, enabling the individual to first: provide an anser to a stupid quetion, and second, ask a stupid quetion that requires a stupid anser, respectively.

I've always wondered: is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

madcat11

Apr19-06, 06:49 PM

I dunno. Should it be 'Don't you hate it when that happens?

The Bob (2004 ©)

no, I only hate it when sh*t happens (fill in the asterisk..)

Is asterisk fillling ever used in cooking?

Livingod

Apr19-06, 08:14 PM

I've always wondered: is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

It's not so important as to have intuition, but one must BE intuition. For, if one is out of tuition, they won't be offered a quetion, needless to mention.

When will a**holes posting here learn to read instructions? (fill in the asterisks...)

jimmie

Apr19-06, 09:22 PM

When will a**holes posting here learn to read instructions? (fill in the asterisks...)

Antholes do not pose a threat. It's the colonies of antholians therein that I am wary of. :rolleyes:

Speaking of democracy, does constantly having to deal with parasitic-like entities bug you?

Livingod

Apr21-06, 12:40 AM

This issue has been leeching on me for decades. We've had a mosquito problem back in the day, yet the problem itches to be solved to this day. At the time, we made the temporary and rash, yet effective desicion to utilize bug spray. But nowadays, that solution has become a real pest. The common household mosquito exposed to the spray eventually develops immunities to such bothers. Those buggers develop huge biceps, you know, real fly and sh*t. They get all the girls too, with their muscles, and their intricate web of lies. While the male human population sits around at home with nothing more than hand lotion by our side. (Pardon the language...) That's the reason I left that hellhole of a village, overrun by mosquitoes as it is, and moved here to New York. Here, you don't need bug spray to kill mosquitoes, a BMW or a Ferrari will do. And the best part: no one can be immune to five hundred horses slamming into your rear end as you fly around trying to find even somethign that looks like a tree.

Whew, that got the best of me. Now as for the rest of me:
Speaking of pots, puns, pans, and the such, how long does it take you to cook an egg sunny side up? (Mine never separate from the pan)

Math Is Hard

May2-06, 09:05 PM

Speaking of pots, puns, pans, and the such, how long does it take you to cook an egg sunny side up? (Mine never separate from the pan)
If you are like Hamhiu, you cook it until it takes on a shape that holds symbolic meaning for you.
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=119593 A bit more time is then required to plan your day around what the egg has foretold.

My 1/3 Ukranian great-grandmother did fried-egg reading back in the great depression years, when tea leaves were scarce. She also did divination with bacon grease, toast crust and jelly splatters. But granny never accepted money for using her powers, there was only one thing she would accept in return for telling a person's fortune. That was, that was.. shoot! what WAS that? :confused:

Livingod

May6-06, 12:24 PM

Well, seeing as how being 1/3 of any nationality is impossible, but then again, so is naming a wooden puppet Pinoccio and watching it come alive, but people tell that story anyway. So my best guess would be that she would accept to "be a real boy" but in this case it would be to be a real great-granny which would mean that if someone wanted a reading, they would have to marry her granddaughter (a.k.a. your mother) and have a child. Assuming that the child is you, then your father must have gotten a reading from your great granny.

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?

Danger

May9-06, 07:07 PM

is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?
A 'stupid quetion' is self-explanatory. A 'stupid anser' is a 'silly goose', but the term has gone out of common usage.

I'm not really playing this, but I couldn't let that go by.:redface:

Livingod

May10-06, 09:49 PM

With its nonsensical posts and many twists and turns that we forgot what the last quetion was, this thread has started to be like a FOX reality show. Let's refresh everyone's memory one more time:

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?

P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!!!11111111112:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Math Is Hard

May11-06, 02:50 AM

What my father saw was a vision of three Chinese dumplings on a plate, and as he reached for the first one it said, "If you eat me, you will be smart but not wise", so he hesitated, and reached for the second one. It said, "If you eat me, you will be wise but not smart". Again he hesitated, but then he reached for the third one and it said, "If you eat me, you will be neither smart nor wise, but the pretty waitress will go home with you, and she will make you delicious dumplings for the rest of your life."

Which did he choose?

Danger

May11-06, 05:29 PM

P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!!!
I'm not a newcomer; I just don't like to colour inside the lines. :tongue:

Livingod

May12-06, 12:06 AM

Which did he choose?

With the help of soy sauce, he devoured all three with ease. Now what did your smart and witty father do with the waitress at his house? (Or was that waitress your mother? :wink: )

jimmie

May13-06, 10:57 AM

What is the most healthy food you eat?

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?

Math Is Hard

May14-06, 07:09 PM

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?
They don't use margarine at the Kentucky Derby, only butter.

Why should one Cherchez la femme?

zoobyshoe

May15-06, 07:50 AM

Why should one Cherchez la femme?
Because if no one finds her she'll wander around the mall shopping till her credit card's maxed out.

At this point it would be natural for me to begin a stupid quetion with the phrase "Speaking of lost women..." however, due to technical difficulties with the zoobie brush server the lost women page cannot be found, and instead I must link you to the stolen laundry listings on e-bay where all Math Is Hard's former garments may be purchased at a fraction of their original price.

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

jimmie

May15-06, 06:04 PM

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

In the dog-eat-dog world of entertainment, Alpo, the only un-trained brother, was too rough around the edges for depression-era schtick, and thus, was fed his walking papers, one at a time, sans gravy.

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?

zoobyshoe

May16-06, 08:43 AM

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?
You're refering, of course, to the twin cities Point Allstead and Point Ballbrick, Idaho, affectionately known to their residents as Point A and Point B. It was frequently pointed out that the shortest route between them, straight across Lake Short, was not also the quickest route, except in the case of Sam Green, who could row faster than anyone else in the county. For most, the quickest route was by galloping horse over the south lake trail, except in the case of Martha Weston's old, stange pony, Cindy, who had only three legs and was fixed up with a stout oak replacement for the forth. Cindy, understandably, didn't gallop very fast, but people were amazed she could gallop at all.

Anyway, in 1904 Point B was completely destroyed by arson fires started by a crazed spurned lover who'd gotten into a keg of rum, and the notion of the quickest route from Point A to Point B became moot since no one had any reason to go to Point B anymore. Cindy the horse, incidentally, outlived her owner by ten years. Her new owner, Matt Jensen, was astonished after he adopted her, to find her coat grow out into black and white stripes. It seems Cindy was actually a zebra that Martha Weston had been surreptitiously dyeing to look like a brown pony. No one could make heads or tails of that.

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

jimmie

May16-06, 10:06 AM

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

Possibly due to the fact that she callously rejected the new collective bargaining agreement for thousands of firefighters, she got fired. Investigators are trying to determine if the two incidents are related.

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?

zoobyshoe

May17-06, 09:27 AM

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?
Hmmm. Arrrgh. Due, I suppose, to the fact I'm not a stalker, I couldn't tell you.

Recently when I was posting on an internet forum Arrrgh a message suddenly appeared on the screen saying that a critical security Arrrgh update intended to prevent my computer from catching the Arrrgh Pirate Worm had just been Arrgh refused by my machine Arrgh indicating it was already infiltrated.

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

jimmie

May17-06, 10:16 AM

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

Give him a bottle of Mezcal and he'll eventually crawl to the bottom and pass-out.

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

Mattara

May27-06, 11:17 AM

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

Make/-up/-out etc. is actually the trivial name of the phenomena, as in "you are living in a world of make-believe" or "do you want to make-out with me?". The systematic name however, is not even close both in etymology and common sense.

The reason for the huge debate about the subject during that last couple of years has mainly dealt with if it is ethical or non-ethical to continue the cruel and unscrupulous experiments. I do not dare to say what the true nature of these experiments were ( or is (?) ) out of fear for repercussions from the project's Administration. During my hidden visits, I have also noticed some shadow characters moving around the main research facility. No one seems to notice them like I do, but sometimes just sometimes, I see them interact with the others out of other reasons than to correct them in their quests for knowledge.

It is very strange indeed, how they seem to be able to move from one place of the complex to another in just a couple of seconds. Their speed is amazing. Sometimes I even see them enter a special part. I cannot see excatly where it is located or what is inside. Nevertheless, I suspect that it is important; maybe it is the heart of the compound where only upper-level personal have access to.

I've seen just a glimpse of the front of them, but all I could see was some sort of badge below their...faces...It was dark, but I could distinguish the first couple of letters. They were: M E N T.... but then I lost sight of it.

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want? :confused:

zoobyshoe

May28-06, 05:24 AM

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want? :confused:
They crawled from the febrile dreams of barn owls perishing of bird flu and they want the nail clippings from your middle toe on the left foot.

Speaking of lost women, once when I was crawling on all fours home from La Souris Perdue, café, and home for broken, misfit toys, reveling in the amazing anguish only a woman can produce in me, I stumbled over what at first appeared to be half of The Black Dahlia but which turned out to be a freshly trimmed forked tree limb. Not much more to report about that.

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

Mattara

May28-06, 10:13 AM

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

It is very interesting that you should mention that as a matter of fact. I have yet to date not found ant solution or even comment to the issue.

This is only my personal theory, but one might speculate that it might not be as obvious as it appears to be. Conspiracy theories aside, it must be due to Operation Protegus. Although any digital records of the actions that took place during the warm and intense couple of days have been wiped out, there are still those few people among us that do remember. I am one of them.

The goal of Operation Protegus was initially the capture and execution of a high-ranking government official in Southern Kambodja. However, the real agenda would be revealed a week later. It came with gruesome retaliations from both the Kambojan special forces and domestic hategroup known as the Black Serpents. Little did we know at the time but it turned out that they had a contingency plan as well.

RACK or Rendezvou-Affiliate-Cendra-Known was the code name for our meating with the beutiful and voluptuous (or skinny as zoobyshoe put it) "Cendra". We knew this was not her real name but she was a valued informant from the other side. Ultimately, I think it was due to her intelligence (and therefore the big RACK) that we didn't capture here and torture her for information from the start.

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.

zoobyshoe

May28-06, 12:56 PM

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.
The coup de grace that seems to convince most people being groomed for membership is the revelation that they will be supplied with tailored underwear with their name, first, middle and last, embroidered by hand on each and every pair.

In the days before the internet when telephonic communication was all the rage I once recieved a call from a woman speaking a foreign language with which I was not familiar. I don't have anything more to report about that till I get the results of some lab tests on a strange, gritty substance found in a jar of applesauce by Hector Mosquera-Castro, Chula Vista, California, U.S.A, on December 12, 2005. In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

Mattara

May28-06, 03:44 PM

In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

I refuse to answer that question! I very much dislike the segregation between males and females. I'm appalled over the fact that it starts even as early as pre-school with this "boy-against-girl" contests. Oh yeah, I know that it seems innocently hidden and distorted in some lame crayon-eating madness but I assure you, I ASSURE you, it is not even close to that. I'm so aggitated that I cannot control myself right now. The real reason, yes the real reason that these "contests" like they are popularly referred to are being held is malicious beyond belief. Do you know who I blame for this? Do you? I blame the researchers at N@SA. In a secret video documentation the Executive Director of N@SA, Ekstrom confesses to have contributed billions of dollars from tax-payers to fund these acts. This is even worse than the time he claimed to have found a meteor from outer-space confirming the existence of extraterrestrial lifeforms. It is the honest truth, although it sounds like it has been ripped from some random atheist pulp litterature author. If this isn't the solution to the problem, then by all means, glaze my nipples and call me Rita (as the famous Melchett said to Edmund in the popular final episode of the enire series of Blackadder.)

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?

zoobyshoe

Sep13-06, 07:28 AM

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?
Primarily as ceramic rhinoceros inspectors.

Once when I was crawling on all fours through the swap meet looking for a copy of T. Arthur Jensen's masterpiece The True Method Of Ceramic Rhinoceros Inspection For Students Of the Art I happened instead upon a ceramic rhinoceros tucked away at the bottom of a cardboard box full of old editions of Halliday and Resnick. Turning the horned beast this way and that I attempted in my own amateurish way, to inspect it, but had no luck. On the bottom, though, I found a sticker on which the words "Inspected by Rita #44277812-c" were printed.

"My God!", I exclaimed, "I've found an authentic Rita #44277812-c!!!" This was an amazing blunder because almost instantaneously I was tackled by a mob of Rita-inspected ceramic rhinoceros collecting swap meet goers who fell on top of me in a great pile trying to grab the precious, fragile artifact from my grasp.

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

MSI

Sep13-06, 06:37 PM

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

if the reader never used eyeQ it needs he needs 20 more seconds than the time needed to realize that this is a stupid answer

why am i considered dead ?

zoobyshoe

Sep13-06, 08:57 PM

why am i considered dead ?
You've been classified in that category due to your inability to capitolize the first word of a sentence. This is a defect common among dead people, therefore it is sometimes used as the criteria for determining if a person is alive or deceased.

If MSI begins capitolizing the first word of sentences will s/he be reclassified as living, or, as a zombie: one who has returned from the dead?

Delzac

Sep14-06, 09:51 AM

One who has returned from the dead.( No particular reason for choosing it)

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+

EDIT : Tent

zoobyshoe

Sep14-06, 10:48 AM

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+
Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

franznietzsche

Sep14-06, 12:02 PM

Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

Mattara

Sep14-06, 12:32 PM

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

To be able to answer this question with as much accuracy as possible, we need to look back to the origin of it. Strangely, this thread is number 68 here at this version of PF and the member that created it has had his or hers account put on a temporary or permanent state of denial of service (http://moridin.moved.in/dosattac.exe).

Other things that people enjoy is when other people type EVERYTHING IN CAPS, Use A Capital Letter Of Every World, or ust writ leik 'is lik ur sum1 kewl or sumtin'.

However, this only gives us a superficial glance at the subject at hand. Politics is a very important part of this. Let me explain to you why.

My prediction that politics would justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of its heart came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. Politics believes that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. That's just wrong. It further believes that we can stop cannibalism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for delirious perverts. Wrong again! In view of politics's cuckoo scare tactics, what does it make sense for us to do now? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? But in case you don't, then you should note that politics's choleric game of chess -- the jaded chess of commercialism -- has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this foolish blackguard and show it that when it says that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing it and the wanton dips in its gang, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. Be honest; can you in any way believe politics's claim that its activities are on the up-and-up? I cannot, mainly because if we don't soon tell it to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its vainglorious actions, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given it our permission to do so.

In closing, It is dangerous for the Sweden opposition to "hack" the ruling party's computer network.

http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=4859&date=20060912

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?

zoobyshoe

Sep14-06, 01:26 PM

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?
As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?

Math Is Hard

Sep17-06, 04:49 PM

As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?
Good heavens, no. Hence the Hyphen Protection Society formed in 1986 when it was discovered that hyphens were dissappearing in huge numbers. Today, only 12,000 hyphens survive in the wild, and many of them suffer from unspeakable abuse.

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.

zoobyshoe

Sep17-06, 11:47 PM

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.
It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently recieved an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

Mattara

Sep18-06, 12:08 PM

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently recieved an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

I find your attitude towards history. It wasn't 'ancient'. At all. In the Middle Ages, the arabic were cut from the west of europe, therefore limiting the access to gold and exlamation points, also known as the Pirenne thesis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Pirenne). Although leading Sweden scientists say that the vikings plaid an important roll in trasport, I'd highly donut it.

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?

zoobyshoe

Sep18-06, 03:06 PM

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?
It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

Math Is Hard

Sep18-06, 07:28 PM

It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

I used to know this. But now I remember very little from the the report I wrote in third grade on causes of permanent nose-thighs. Anyway, I do remember that nose-thighs are a genetic disorder, possibly a weird evolutionary throwback. We know that the disorder is often seen in the small third-world island nation of Ptingo-Ptongo, as would be expected, as these people have very little in the way of surplus funds to pay the Evolution board. To make matters worse, they use banana peels for currency, which have no value to the Evo board. Has it reached epidemic levels? No, not globally, only on Ptingo-Ptongo, where one in 12 children are born with a set of thighs in the nasal passages.

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

selfAdjoint

Sep18-06, 10:50 PM

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?

zoobyshoe

Sep18-06, 11:13 PM

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?
Allow me to expand the details of the story: Minnie messed around with a bloke named "Smokie." She loved him, though he was cokie. In fact, though, his coke habit was self-medication for his case of nasal-thighs (rhinothighroidism, in the medical parlance). Smokie found that snorting the white powder seemed to smooth out the cellulite on his nasal thighs making their presence more bearable. The King of Sweden, however, was opposed to use of non-prescription pharmaceuticals (sp?) and, knowing Minnie was under Smokie's sway, he sought to have Ptingo Ptongo's Chinatown, where everyone went to kick the gong around, dismantled and returned to Hong Kong. In other words, he thought kicking the Hong Kong Gong was wrong. (It's not mentioned in the song, but he prefered ping pong and watching King Kong). So, to make a short story long: Smokie and Minnie wanted to have their gong and kick it, too, so Minnie the Moocher called a meeting of the matriarchs and had the King of Sweden deported back to Canada, where he's been serving as Prime Minister ever since.

Do you think I'm making this up?

MSI

Sep22-06, 08:28 AM

Do you think I'm making this up?

i doubt ..

was israel defeated in lebanon ?

zoobyshoe

Sep22-06, 09:19 AM

was israel defeated in lebanon ?
Yes, by Swedish and Canadian troops lead by Mattara and Mr. Robin Parsons.
-----------
I have before me a book entitled How to Subvert Subversion by Being Inappropriately Non-Subversive, by an anonymous subversion subverter going only by the name "Agent Charles", which was published in 1988 by Harper and Collins, NY.

On page 22 I find that the previous owner has redacted the complete page with a magic marker except for the following:

"...her smooth skin and the way the veins show gray blue on her breasts..."

and in the bottom margin I find the scrawled words: "heaven laughs at the four members of the bench it will not be for nothing".

On the next page a plate that showed a painting entitled "Peasant Girl Planting Poppies" had, apparently, been torn out, and in its place a photograph of Muhamed Ali had been pasted.

Between pages 54 and 55 I find a pressed piece of Hostess Twinkie, and on page 76 the paw print of a cat who apparently stepped in some motor oil before walking across the book.

Should I finish reading it?

tribdog

Sep22-06, 11:19 AM

I know the book well and I know for a fact that it only contains 72 pages so the quetion "Should I finish reading it?" is meaningless and you should be asking "Will Agent Charles kindly edit his novel and add several pages of new material so that I can safely read the stuff I already have?"

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?

Mattara

Sep22-06, 11:27 AM

The exploration or even the though of exploration gives one a almost too intense pleasure that in someway needs to be countered. However, such a bold statement can be very fatal when dealing with Semirhage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semirhage). She enjoys pain as well as pleasure, especially if she is the one that is causing them. Semirhage masters the little known power to torture people with pleasure. Physical torture is so out-of-date that it brings her to laughter. Your victim is never prepared for pleasure and frankly, will have a hard time to resist it. A word of cation: to much stimuli is dangerous.

Semirhage also enjoys moonligh walks on the beach and candlelight dinners. Would you date her or would you fail under the pressure from her alliance with Demandred and Messana?

zoobyshoe

Sep22-06, 02:05 PM

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?
I'm not aware that Mattara'a last post contained any sort of attempt to answer your profound and topical quetion, so I shall leapfrog his strange sexual fanasies and try to address the issue of the future of the rainforest:

I would probably date her, yes, but only if she agreed to let me be the one doing the torture by pleasure.

Having said that, I have to wonder if there's any sort of medication to help chronic over readers (it's a chemical imbalance in the brain - not their fault) or if their brains are doomed to become clogged with the fatty deposits of the unmetabolized information they continually stuff into their heads in a vain attempt to fill the emotional void of being unloved as a child and presented with an endless stream of Dr. Seuss books to keep them busy while Mommy and Daddy shot up with Horse and Crack in the kitchen, playing cards, yelling, fighting, smoking opium and skin popping whiskey, playing russian roulette with three rounds, snorting cocaine and bug powder, stirring laxatives and valium into their martinis, throwing darts at each other, burning toast, pouring food coloring on random meals (I would not eat green eggs and ham) singing along to Creedence Clearwater Revival drawing pentagrams on the walls with crayons, giving themselves jailhouse tattoos with sewing needles and soot, throwing beer bottles at mice and cockroaches, smoking hash in a bong full of spinach water, and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of their own vomit.

Are there any meds for that?

tribdog

Sep22-06, 02:47 PM

Are there any meds for that?
for the void yes,seuss-no, crack in the kitchen-yes, cards yelling, fighting-yes, opium, skin popping-no, whiskey roulette bug laxatives-yes, singing pentagrams tattoos soot, mice cockroaches-yes(but they can't be taken with the spinach water) and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of vomit-just buy absorbent carpet and pillows.

This however is a case where the cure may be worse than the disease as the meds, (211 caplets, 182 gelcaps, 19 lozenges, 632 patches) not only weigh 18.1kg taken 3 times daily, they have a few known side effects. WHICH side is completely random and varies from patient to patient (in- and left- sides being most common) These effects will include constipated diharrea and explosive flatulence, tender nipples, unnatural hair growth (dental), and in some cases fusion of the elbows.
Alternative treatments can include accupuncture however instead of needles, 10-penny nails are required.(that's not a quantity but a size of nail ie many 10-penny nails, not 10 comma penny nails)

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?

zoobyshoe

Sep22-06, 10:49 PM

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?
Because at the time 10-penny nails were invented the dime was still two primitive, slow-plodding nickles crawling on all fours in the fog of dim intellect common to all unevolved life forms, wandering aimlessly about the planet's primevel landscape with almost no hope or chance of encountering each other, mating, and producing the first dime. When they beat the odds and finally did find each other, the price of a 10-penny nail had already gone up to 15 cents.

How did that get there?

brewnog

Sep23-06, 04:26 AM

In medieval times, it was generally there right from the start. As time progressed, so did the dexterity of the Polish farmers, up to the point where it could actually be removed with relatively little hassle. Later, (around the 18th century), peasants began to realise that a tradition was being lost, and they started manually putting it back in again as a mark of respect for their ancestors.

What's the best kind of bean?

zoobyshoe

Sep23-06, 07:22 AM

What's the best kind of bean?
With no evidence to the contrary, I'm going to assume what most would assume, that you're asking for the best kind of bean to place on the gatepost of the graveyard to ward off interruptions by shark footed, undead, revenances while you are performing juju rituals in the light of the waxing moon.

Newton, they say, used to use a whole fresh pod of green beans. Faraday and Humphrey Davy are rumored to have used one cooked bean of any variety available to them at the time. Rutherford liked a dried pea, and Milikan was the same, except he, whimsically, charged his first. A third hand contemporary report claims Galileo scorned this Aristotelian tradition altogether and used a zucchini, resulting in an attack by a shark footed revenance which explains why he was taken ill with no apparent cause so many times later in life. Heisenberg liked the kidney bean, but Bohr bullied him into using a white bean. This rattled him so much he was never certain if he was supposed to place it on the left or right side gatepost or if "right" and "left" refered to his own or Bohr's.

Feynman used whichever bean took the least time to acquire, and Planck used to arrive at the graveyard with a whole bag of garbanzo's which he meticulously placed on the post, one by one.

What about Einstein?

rcgldr

Sep23-06, 08:13 AM

What about Einstein?Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

Mattara

Sep23-06, 09:41 AM

Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

Do you mean in physics, art, days of our lives or in harlem?

How do you define color?

tribdog

Sep23-06, 10:19 AM

with a dictionary

How do you define a dictionary?

rcgldr

Sep23-06, 10:41 AM

How do you define a dictionary?You remove "fine" from the dictionary.

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?

zoobyshoe

Sep23-06, 01:09 PM

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?
The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the first time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed, and for which you will be painfully executed at my leisure.

Once when I was ambling cheerfully through a wooded area on the outskirts of Paris in 1887, I happened upon an impressionist painter seated before his easel serenely mixing hues upon his palette in preparation for a day of plein air work. I saw that he had already sketched out the scene in front of him onto the canvass in charcoal: a large elephant mounting a humpback whale in sexual congress amidst an impressive composition of Roman Senators seated on milk crates listening intentively to the farewell oration of Richard Nixon being aired on a large screen TV hanging from the bucket of a backhoe being operated by a talented cow wearing a button that said "Got Milk?" Confident it would be a masterpiece, I continued on in silence without disturbing him for his autograph, and a little further along I came upon a McDonald's restaurant. Ducking in quickly to solve a few triangles, it suddenly occured to me there had been something peculiar, out of place, in the scene in front of the painter. I concentrated hard, trying to remember the scene, and pinpoint what it was that had annoyed me. Then it hit me: the elephant hadn't been wearing a condom.

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?

tribdog

Sep23-06, 02:12 PM

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?
In your case, please. PLEASE! For the love of God, ALWAYS practice safe sex. Don't spread your DNA. Condom's are a necessity, Caulk sealant wouldn't be a bad idea either.

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?

zoobyshoe

Sep23-06, 02:37 PM

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?
Currently accepted spelling of words in the English language began to take form in 1784 when a secret meeting of an elite subset of continental congressmen decided the best way to prevent infiltration of the new country by foreign spies would be to adopt a system of spelling so fiendishly erratic that no non-native speaker would ever be able to master it and would be discovered at their first written words. To a large extent it was a succesful strategy: no foreign born person has ever fully mastered it. However no native born American has ever fully mastered it either. The secret, elite group dealt with this by reclassifying all residents of the United States as "tolerable" foreign spies, an opinion still secretly held by our president today.

Why don't grasshoppers get it?

rcgldr

Sep23-06, 06:52 PM

The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed ...Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

"l" in caulk (what about the "u"?)why don't grasshoppers get it?Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

Mattara

Sep24-06, 06:14 AM

Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

I find your insinuations offending. Excuse me while I'll engage in personal attacks.

I, for one, definitely don't believe that Jeff Reid would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform an odious act. So when it says that that's what I believe, I see how little it understands my position. Jeff Reid has remarked that truth is merely a social construct. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand, I'll spell it out for you. For starters, Jeff Reid likes to compare its inveracities to those that shaped this nation.

The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. Jeff Reid's club appears to be growing in number. I pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that I am reminded of the quote, "It presents quasi-scientific and pseudointellectual justifications for its vulgar fibs in order to convince people that violence and prejudice are funny." This comment is not as drossy as it seems because if Jeff Reid thinks its canards represent progress, it should rethink its definition of progress. If Jeff Reid had lived the short, sickly, miserable life of a chattel serf in the ages "before technocracy" it wouldn't be so keen to censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype. Maybe it'd even begin to realize that nihilism doesn't work. So why does Jeff Reid cling to it?

If you need help in answering that question, you may note that every so often, you'll see Jeff Reid lament, flog itself, cry mea culpa for seeking to destabilize society, and vow never again to be so unregenerate. Sadly, it always reverts to its old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of intolerant, scary psychics like it can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.

If I have a bias, it is only against disdainful, mutinous bullies who promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a surprise that Jeff Reid's musings reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would make malodorous nitwits out to be something they're not. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Jeff Reid.

How does a complain generator work? :uhh:

rcgldr

Sep24-06, 12:28 PM

Why do people post in threads like this?I find your insinuations offending.Hey, it was my stupid question, no offense meant, note that I had posted already. (Busy looking up "odious" - like an "od" , "inveracities" - cities in "vera").

You didn't answer the question:
Why do people post in threads like this?Similar to climbing mountains, "it's just because they are there".

How does a complain generator work?Similar to a man, but louder and more often. I've included a sample video demostrating the complain generator in the second half of this video:

reftrain.wmv (http://jeffareid.net/misc/reftrain.wmv)

grasshopperReminded me of the TV series "Kung Fu". In a rare episode there's a woman wanting to be a student, as usual, Master Po tells the woman, "when you can snatch this Milk Dud from my palm, then you will be ready", not realizing that the woman is already chewing it by the time he says "can".

If black is a color, is silence a sound?

hypatia

Sep24-06, 01:27 PM

Yes, I have the record, The Sounds of Silence...by Simon and Garfunkle.

What can be done stop people from saying catsup for ketchup?

Mattara

Sep24-06, 01:52 PM

Actually, I believe that the correct Mr. Burns pronunciation is "cetsup". Don't get me started on the number of episodes where Mr. Burns have gotten killed.

What is your favourite formula in electromagnetism? F = QvB or F = BIL?

turbo

Sep24-06, 03:11 PM

Actually, my favorite formula is AlNiCo. It has an air of permanance.

Given that mankind has been using ink far longer than oil, why haven't the ink wells dried up by now?

Yonoz

Sep24-06, 05:23 PM

Given that mankind has been using ink far longer than oil, why haven't the ink wells dried up by now?Duh - ink is made from squids. It can't run out.

What does "why do the smilies keep moving?" mean?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 06:05 PM

What does "why do the smilies keep moving?" mean?
Nothing. It's a gross mistranslation of an old, old Yiddish song that used to be sung by the ink well drillers in the ink fields of southern Poland and expresses a dilema they set to song to relieve their stress while they drilled, for a famous Rabbi had discovered a line in the Torah that might or might not indicate that ink well drilling might or might not be kashrut, depending. So each day they weren't sure they were doing the right thing: it was still being debated, and it might turn out, retroactively, that they ought not to have been handling ink all this time. So they worried, and because they worried, they sang.

Now, the Polish peasants who heard the song couldn't understand the lyrics. To them it sounded like they were singing "Why do all the smilies keep moving?" Mentor Evo, being half Polish, and three quarters terminator, remembers her great, great, grandfather's stories about the song of the Jewish ink men, and utters the line once in a while when she doesn't have anything important to say or any posts to terminate. I don't know, though, she might mean "I'm not feeling terminatey today."

Anyway, the debate ended when it was determined that ink deposits in the ground have nothing to do with squid ink, and are, therefore, OK to handle, as long as you still wash your hands before eating.

It was moot, though, since the next night a new guy forgot to put the cap back on an ink well before going to bed and the whole ink deposit of southern Poland dried up overnight. The entire village relocated to New Jersy to work in the newly discovered ink fields there. Well, they left one guy behind to fend for himself.

What ever happened to that guy who forgot to put the cap on the inkwell?

tribdog

Sep24-06, 06:48 PM

What ever happened to that guy who forgot to put the cap on the inkwell?
That's actually a very interesting and important story. Paddy O'Silverstein was thrown into the stockade and placed on display in town square. Where he spent the next several weeks being harrassed by children and spit upon by tobacco chewing women. He would have died there if it wasn't for the magnificent Melvin Belli, Attorney at law. Mr. Belli showed, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the ink well did not dry up because his client forgot to put the lid on it, but that the ink well dried up because his client put the lid on the wrong well. Mr. O'Silverstein was immediately released from the stockade to the cheers of townfolk everywhere. He was given the key to the city and a parade was held in his honor. At the end of the parade, in front of the mayor, the butcher and a candlestick maker named Pierre, Mr. O'Silverstein was led to the gallows, which were operated by Mr. Belli himself, and hung until dead. He had after all put the lid on the wrong inkwell.

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 07:11 PM

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?
That's actually a very interesting and important story. I'll go into it later if at least ten people PM me begging to hear it.

In the meantime, let me explain that the butcher and the mayor were once rivals for the same girl. I don't remember her name for some reason. Anyway, she didn't like either of them, and wanted to be matched up with Marvin McMorgenstern, the future town drunk, though no one knew it at the time. The girl, whose name escapes me, kept the butcher and mayor busy by pitting them against each other in contests of affection, like, which one could climb the mountain fastest and bring her back a daisy (or Polish equivalent thereof) the soonest and so forth. All very trite and nothing to it. Untill...

The town went into a frenzy one morning when the body of Marvin McMorgenstern, future town drunk, was discovered with it's throat cut out by ink well # 17. He was a nice guy, so people said his demise was a shame. Too, everyone worried what would happen in ten years when the current town drunk's term of office expired. It was a sad day. Then the butcher mused aloud in an offhand way "Say, I wonder who would do a thing like that?" The mayor, standing nearby, turned to him, his rival, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Well, you're pretty good with a knife, aren't you?"

"What? Are you meshugannah?" cried the butcher. "You think I did it?" The mayor shrugged, noncommitally, and walked away.

Now, having set the stage, I may explain at a later date why they ended up sitting next to each other.

I just can't remember: what was that girl's name?

Yonoz

Sep24-06, 07:14 PM

Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?It would void his Kosher certificate. Ecclesiastes 19:5 states "Ink is to the mayor as proper meat is to the butcher; Therefor kill more disbelievers". In the diaspora there were many such cases where an ignorant butcher met with the mayor and the town was forced to feed on rats until the feuds with one of the nearby towns was resolved and a new butcher was sent. That is why the bubonic plague had struck few Jews, further adding to the suspicion against them - which was a major factor in their expulsion from what is today known as Molvanîa (http://www.molvania.com.au/). BTW, the local goyim at the time were bitter due to their difficult times and called the Jews "smilies". To this day there is a proverb in the Molvanian Jewry "The smilies keep moving and the gentiles keep cooking New England boiled dinners".

What the heck is a beef joint?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 07:17 PM

It would void his Kosher certificate. Ecclesiastes 19:5 states "Ink is to the mayor as proper meat is to the butcher; Therefor kill more disbelievers". In the diaspora there were many such cases where an ignorant butcher met with the mayor and the town was forced to feed on rats until the feuds with one of the nearby towns was resolved and a new butcher was sent. That is why the bubonic plague had struck few Jews, further adding to the suspicion against them - which was a major factor in their expulsion from what is today known as Molvanîa (http://www.molvania.com.au/). BTW, the local goyim at the time were bitter due to their difficult times and called the Jews "smilies". To this day there is a proverb in the Molvanian Jewry "The smilies keep moving and the gentiles keep cooking New England boiled dinners".

What the heck is a beef joint?
I beat you. My quetion takes presidence.

Yonoz

Sep24-06, 07:24 PM

I beat you. My quetion takes presidence.The question was:Why was the butcher sitting next to the mayor when everyone knew they despised each other?You have not provided an entire answer:That's actually a very interesting and important story. I'll go into it later if at least ten people PM me begging to hear it.You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views.

I'll let you have presidence because you can't do worse than the current guy.

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 07:32 PM

Sore loser.

Yonoz

Sep24-06, 07:47 PM

I just can't remember: what was that girl's name?It was the infamous Sylvania of Österhepburg of Tchaikovski fame. His sixteenth piece, an opereta for a full ballet ensemble, 6 eunuchs and a clavichord (one of his lesser known works, truly ahead of its time) tells her story - from a magical Eastern-European childhood of blindfolded cricket hunts through difficult times of nights spent making beef sandwiches. The venerable Edith Piaf portrayed her in a WW2 cinema adaptation - a cult film in the military-industrial complex circles.

How is the military-industrial complex related to the enzyme-substrate complex again?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 08:11 PM

How is the military-industrial complex related to the enzyme-substrate complex again?
They're not really related. That's a rumor the enzyme-substrate complex fostered at the start of its carrear to garner prestige. It backfired when Eisenhower openly stated in front of a news conference he'd never heard of an enzyme-substrate complex and didn't believe in all that Freudian nonsense anyway. Still, the rumor persists.

Once, when I was crawling on all fours toward the phantom memory of a dimly remembered woman, a vague feminine presence in the distance tickling my hippocampal-amygdaloid complex challenging it to recall the only feebly etched imprint of her name, poorly impressed there by some shoddy workman using inferior, squid ink, a strangly crazed, inexplicably hostile character appeared looming before me, and shouted down at me: "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views," and then stormed away.

You drink alot of coffee?

Yonoz

Sep24-06, 08:20 PM

You drink alot of coffee?Not nearly enough, as a matter of fact it's time I went to bed. I have to tie myself in otherwise I post April fools' pranks on internet forums in my sleep. It's a great excuse to be late for class though.
What was your greatest late excuse?

zoobyshoe

Sep24-06, 10:00 PM

What was your greatest late excuse?
I always used to tell the professors that I was violently accosted in a dark thread by some sort of unbalanced mad cow disease sufferer who got all up into my face shouting: "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views," and who then ate my homework.

Recently I was delighted when I responded to the sound of the clanging of the mail slot, to discover the new issue of Zoobie Cuisine had arrived. I picked it up and was about to tear the seal open when, suddenly, the doorbell rang. This alarmed me because I wasn't properly dressed. Dashing to the bedroom I scrambled to find my half hockey mask bite preventer and my straight jacket, and, donning them quickly, I stepped onto my automated dolley and wheeled myself to the door.

"Come in, please." I said

From behind the door came the sweet, occulted, West Virginia drawl I considered the most delectible sound in the world:

"Dr. Lecter?"

"Is that you, Clarice?"

"Dr. Lecter, I need your help."

"Well, helloooow Clarice! Do come in and well have a nice chat, shall we?"

"I'm not allowed to do that. You know the rules."

"Ah, yes! The rules. Well, tell me Clarice, is there some new trouble maker in your life? Some tedious serial head basher or blood-bathing dilitant out there you want me to help you catch? Why don't you tell me about him, everything you know. I'll listen and give you my thoughts. But you must do something for me, Clarice, in return, you understand?"

"What do you want, Dr. Lecter?"

"I want you to push the door open so I can see you. I want to see you, Clarice. I want to see the expressions on your face, and to look into your eyes when I speak to you. It's only polite. Will you do that for me, Clarice?"

Slowly and tentatively the door swung open revealing Math Is Hard standing there with a nice handbag and cheap shoes wearing a Jody Foster mask.

"It's nice to see you again, Clarice."

"Not to be rude, Dr. Lecter, but this isn't a social call."

"I can see you haven't been sleeping well, Clarice. Bad dreams? Has it come back? It has, hasn't it: the screaming, that terrible screaming of the lambs...? What does he do? Tell me of his heinous crimes, and I will do my best to restore the silence of the lambs...till next time."

"He accosts people in dark threads..."

"And?"

"He shouts at them. Suddenly, inexplicably. He says, "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views."

"I see. Well, you have a very disturbed boy there, Clarice. He won't stop, you know, can't stop."

"That's not all. He has an accomplice."

"How nice. A chum."

Just then, and to my complete surprise, a stout, indistinct figure jumped from the bouganvilla bushes, loomed menacingly behind Math, and shouted: "If I have a bias, it is only against disdainful, mutinous bullies who promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a surprise that Jeff Reid's musings reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would make malodorous nitwits out to be something they're not. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Jeff Reid."

Anyone watch "Monk"?

tribdog

Sep25-06, 01:30 AM

Sure, lots of people do. Even unpopular shows get some viewers. I myself have never seen an episode, but there is a good reason for it. . On my last fact finding tour to Northern Dalmatia in Croatia, I visited an old, family farm where they specialize in growing the national staple, dalmatian puppies. It is one of the few farms that has not gone commercial and still does everything the old fashioned way, up to and including using barefooted virgins to step on the puppies instead of putting them through a mechanical juicer. Their 1992 Shorthair Grenache was voted best of breed during the annual meeting of the American Sommelier & Puppy Clubbing Association back in '85. It was at that meeting that former treasurer Al De Fleur, in a drunken stupor, forgot to lock the kennel door allowing a pack of dogs to escape. These dogs were never caught and can been seen roaming the streets of Casa Grande AZ to this day. One of the decendants of this pack of wild dogs bit my best friend, the Rev. Desmond Tutu, causing him to require stitches and therefore miss my nephew's bris. Al De Fleur bears a striking resemblance to Ted Levine who plays the Captain on the television show Monk. I have vowed to never watch an episode until my nephew recovers from the infection he received during his botched bris.

Why do monks shave their heads in such a funny way?

Yonoz

Sep25-06, 04:50 AM

Why do monks shave their heads in such a funny way?It is said that it will ensure they are not reincarnated as a turtle. They also receive tax benefits, including $400 whenever they pass "go". In the recent Thai coup 3 monks received municipal fines after they were caught using the confusion to move houses and hotels between adjacent properties. Thai residents are eagerly stocking up on material posessions since the military's declaration it will abolish the Baht and print new currency, rumoured to be named after one of Myanus's moons. The original planning was to name the new currency after an actual planet, but the latest Pluto sex scandal shuffled the deck.
How do you do that fancy card-shuffling trick?

zoobyshoe

Sep25-06, 12:43 PM

How do you do that fancy card-shuffling trick?
In reading this quetion I was strangely fascinated by your employment of the adjective "fancy". It's not a complex or unusual word, but stands out for being on the verge of going out of fashion. Anyway, before proceeding I consulted the dictionary to refamiliarize myself with its shades of meaning, but in the course of that I noticed, and became fascinated by, the word, fantod which I'd never heard before:

Main Entry: fan·tod
Pronunciation: 'fan-"täd
Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps alteration of English dialect fantique, fanteeg, perhaps blend of fantastic and fatigue
1 plural a : a state of irritability and tension b : FIDGETS
2 : an emotional outburst : FIT

Now, I thought that was interesting because I recently had the misfortune of being on the recieving end of a fantod (definition #2) when I was cornered in a dark thread by a lunatic who screeched: "You keep avoiding the questions. Your posts are filled with half-lies and quasi-sensical propaganda. You are only capable of presenting your skewed, slanted, segregated, superstitious views."

So, to address your quetion, I'm not allowed to tell you how it's done, but I can keep making the card you played show up, over and over, indefinitely, first in your pocket, then in your beer bottle, then in your shoe, and so forth.

Which brings us, logically, to how the mayor and butcher got shuffled next to each other, despite their mutual dislike.

Anyone see now how it was done?

Math Is Hard

Sep27-06, 09:08 PM

Which brings us, logically, to how the mayor and butcher got shuffled next to each other, despite their mutual dislike.

Anyone see now how it was done?
For many years, scientists believed that bakers were evolutionary descendents of butchers. Bakers assumed themselves genetically superior and the butchers naturally resented it. It wasn't until 1973 that the drunken archeologist, Philogenous Phloi stumbled into a deep pit on a night time digging expedition, and accidentally discovered the remains of an early hominid alongside tools for carving meat, slicing bread, and melting beef tallow. This Phloidian slip revealed that the butcher, baker, and candlestick maker all evolved from a common ancestor.

I bet you didn't know it is a misdemeanor to mark mustaches on mischievious minors in Montana, did you?

zoobyshoe

Sep27-06, 10:11 PM

I bet you didn't know it is a misdemeanor to mark mustaches on mischievious minors in Montana, did you?
I did know, yes, having found out the hard way. However, in my defense, let me place before the court this photographic evidence that the Montanese minors mentioned were mostly matured by the moustches, making them mannish, much modifying their minority mannerisms:

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b95/mrzshoe/minormoustaches.jpg

------------------

That may be the first time a stupid anser was accompanied by an illustrative photograph.

Should we stop now before it becomes a habit?

tribdog

Sep28-06, 09:06 PM

Should we stop now before it becomes a habit?
http://imageigloo.com/images/9623yes.jpg

Is it too late?

Math Is Hard

Sep29-06, 01:55 PM

Is it too late?
I would say so. The trend seems to have gone global:
http://xa3.xanga.com/c51b8253c003246872567/b31591242.jpg

and victims are getting younger:
http://ginoruberto.5u.com/E-Gino's%20Birthday%20Picture%20with%20Mustache.JPG

Should we ban the sale of eyeliner pencils?

Yonoz

Sep29-06, 02:01 PM

I would say so. The trend seems to have gone global:
http://xa3.xanga.com/c51b8253c003246872567/b31591242.jpg

and victims are getting younger:
http://ginoruberto.5u.com/E-Gino's%20Birthday%20Picture%20with%20Mustache.JPG

Should we ban the sale of eyeliner pencils?Absolutely not. Look what banning pencils did to Iraq (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/624272.stm)!

How many pencils fit on a lorry?

zoobyshoe

Sep29-06, 06:31 PM

How many pencils fit on a lorry?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because just the other day when I was staring up at a structure known as the "Space Needle" in the city of Seattle, Washington, U.S.A. I was violently accosted by a sort of crazed, mad cow disease sufferer who got all up in my face shouting "Say, you're a zoobie, aren't you? How many brush shelters could you fit on the space needle?"

"Well", I said, "At least one. I see someone has built one up there already."

"What the hell're you talkin' about?" he queried. "Where?"

"Right up there." I pointed indistinctly in the general direction of the tower.

"I don't see it."

"Well, squint and study it meticulously. Remember: essentially, you're looking for a haystack in a needle."
------------------

Recently when looking through a bookstack for a beatle, I found the following bit of book copied in my own hand on a piece of paper:

"Paris, France, 1839. Turmoil, riots, inflamed mobs surging through the streets with torches and clubs chanting "Kill the monster! Kill the Monster!" Slowly they make their way toward the studio of Monsieur Daguerre, inventor of the first viable photographic process, intent on burning his demon laboratory and pulling him to the guillotene for a traditional French execution.

These are the artists of Paris and his photographic technology has put them out of work, rendered them moot, reduced weeks of work to a few seconds. They must squelch it or starve. If photography catches on the painters and etchers of the world will go extinct..."

-The Great 1839 Photography Riots
by Claude de la Mouche
Cheval Jaune, publisher, Paris, 1839
Illustrated with daguerreotypes by Daguerre

I can't for the life of me remember these riots and whether or not the mobs were able to rid the world of the scourge of photography.

How did it turn out?

scott1

Sep29-06, 07:57 PM

How did it turn out?
Simple your ancentors are form France and they still had realtives in france. When your ancentors realtives sent them news articles about it and they kept it.

Why was Monsieur Daguerre called a monster?

zoobyshoe

Sep29-06, 09:02 PM

Why was Monsieur Daguerre called a monster?
Simple your ancentors are form France and they still had realtives in france. When your ancentors realtives sent them news articles about it and they kept it.

Recently, when I was hard at work on my new painting Portrait of a Zoobie Painting a Scene from the Great Photography Riots of 1839 or Night Of The Fantod, I was dismayed to discover I was out of the necessary color Fantod Purple. Jumping up from my canvas, I rushed out into the street, ran left, took the first subway, emerged from the earth, and joined the throngs of other artists on their way to the studio of Monsieur Daguerre to burn it to the ground and save our livelihood. As we slowly snaked our way through the streets of Paris' left bank, the sound of our chanting proceeded us and echoed through the allys and sewers, where operatic phantoms gnawed the score of Tchaikovski's Sylvania and crazed, mad cow disease suffering loiterers waited for the next stranger to accost.

Up ahead somewhere, Daguerre was erecting his tripod ready to catch our image in one last fanatical act of photographism before he was decapitated. Brushes held pointing forward like swords and our palettes serving as shields we advanced like so many insectile, absinthe disorganized, bubble bursters and flowed on the riverine current of history toward the final showdown between art and photography that settled the matter once and for all, and whose story is known to every schoolchild.

Who was it won again?

turbo

Oct3-06, 06:49 PM

Who was it won again?The impressionists won as everyone knows. Daguerre's process was very slow, requiring that people sitting for portraits rest their skulls in braces and assume a frozen expression to get a sharp portrait. The mad oncoming rush of painters was captured as a vague, fatalistic blur against a tack-sharp street scene, but this tour de force was unappreciated by the contemporary French critics. They assumed that the blur and lack of definition was what drew them to the image, without appreciating the dichotomy between subject and foreground. This set back the appreciation of photography as art for over a century (at least in France) and even now Photoshop contains filters to blur and otherwise contaminate nice images to make them look like heavily-daubed paintings made by near-sighted Frenchmen. You are a Philistine!

Who was Daguerre's type?

Pythagorean

Oct3-06, 06:54 PM

The impressionists won as everyone knows. Daguerre's process was very slow, requiring that people sitting for portraits rest their skulls in braces and assume a frozen expression to get a sharp portrait. The mad oncoming rush of painters was captured as a vague, fatalistic blur against a tack-sharp street scene, but this tour de force was unappreciated by the contemporary French critics. They assumed that the blur and lack of definition was what drew them to the image, without appreciating the dichotomy between subject and foreground. This set back the appreciation of photography as art for over a century (at least in France) and even now Photoshop contains filters to blur and otherwise contaminate nice images to make them look like heavily-daubed paintings made by near-sighted Frenchmen.

Who was Daguerre's type?

http://www.daguerre.org/opendag4.html

is this a stupid question?

turbo

Oct3-06, 07:39 PM

http://www.daguerre.org/opendag4.html

is this a stupid question?Ah, you have linked to a tinted ambrotype, in which a glass photograhic image is hand-colored and is mounted over a dark background. I don't think your stupid "quetion" is sufficiently stupid to warrant a reply from this august body. You may submit another or risk approbation. Of course, given your location and isolation, you may welcome a visit by MIH to get beaten to a pulp with a salmon. (frozen if she doesn't get a favorable first impression) I am still on friendly terms with MIH, but only because I have forgiven her for the tough love, and I didn't end up with too many fractures. You should pray that she uses a fresh river-caught Atlantic Salmon and not a frozen Chum or King. She's got a wicked swing

Can Carole King be your chum?

zoobyshoe

Oct4-06, 02:01 PM

Can Carole King be your chum?
It's a fishy quetion that suggests the image of salmon struggling upstream searching for an elusive musical connection that they won't find. What they are sure to find, though, is a Starbuck's. Outside they will see four people sitting around a table playing an interesting new board game. One player is quite chummy, and hums. That, therefore, is Carole King. Another player is squinting at the board giving the impression he can't quite make it out. That, therefore, is Monet. The third player is making his move, a risky one that might elicit approbation. The fourth player is doodling a sketch of the whole scene from a point of view outside his own body, in which he, himself is depicted sketching the scene, and in which they are all observed by the salmon staring up from the river. He, therefore, is M.C. Escher.

When Escher's turn comes he shakes the dice and rolls them out onto the board. The rolling motion resolves into swimming and the dice have become two little spotted salmon swimming along a river printed on the game board. They swim to the edge of the board, off onto the table, drop to the ground, and swim to the river proper, where they join the school of observing salmon.

"I have the impression that's not allowed," says Monet. The risker rolls out the rule book, and Carole King conscientiously consults. Meanwhile the salmon swim away, not quite certain what just happened.

Why is approbation risky?

turbo

Oct4-06, 03:03 PM

Why is approbation risky?Consider the source and the irreparable damage that such approbation might cause, should it become public knowledge. If one cannot manage to offend just about everyone at once, one's communicative abilities are called into question, since none of us here are actually "normal" enough to be acceptable company. It's funny that you brought Monet into this, since his insipid daubings are unfit even for wallpaper. Carole King wrote "Up on the Roof" in a vain attempt to lure him there so she could push him off and produce an abstract technicolor installation a la Jackson Pollock. Her scheme failed, and she fell into a morass of tapestries, herbal teas, and scented candles.

Did bitter arch-rival Judy Collins ever go to Marrakesh?

Yonoz

Oct4-06, 05:34 PM

Did bitter arch-rival Judy Collins ever go to Marrakesh?She did not as she was wanted by Marrakeesh-Kebab - the national security service - for alleged peadophilia. Peas are considered taboo in Marrakesh.
She did, however, go to Canossa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walk_to_Canossa#Historical_impact), where she did meet Otto von Bismarck. They had managed to hold a brief debate on the rights of future generation before King George V showed up and crippled Bismarck. Collins managed to get away on her Moovie. She was pursued by the flying Scotland Yard, but the Moovie's large wheels proved superior to her pursuers' biodiesel-powered pencil-laden lorries - which we discussed previously.
If this forum's moderator is named Evo, is the General Discussion forum on theologyforums.com moderated by Creatio?

turbo

Oct4-06, 07:45 PM

If this forum's moderator is named Evo, is the General Discussion forum on theologyforums.com moderated by Creatio?The moderator is nice, but since Harley has switched from the Evo to the Twin-Cam engines, she is a bit dated. That's not a bad thing, because if I got a killer deal on a Shovelhead or a Knucklehead, I'd pick it up in a heartbeat, but a guy can only take on one or two projects at a time. You've got to know your limits.

Is carbon dating any less risky than computer dating?

zoobyshoe

Oct5-06, 02:46 AM

Is carbon dating any less risky than computer dating?
For a woman: no. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

That reminds me of the young lady who was out on a date with a MacIntosh one evening at a nice restaurant. The computer let her order first, being a gentleman, and she indulged herself in ordering a healthy amount of comestibles. When his turn came he said, "Nothing for me but a plug in to some 120 volt AC. This made the young lady feel gratuitously porcine, and she later exacted revenge by "accidently" spilling her wine onto his keyboard, pretty much destroying it.

Had they both only read "Macs are from Orchards, Women are from Venus" this computer/female misunderstand might never have arisen for they would both have understood that she'd have been better off with a lump of coal to stare at and think "If I just put enough frickin' pressure on him long enough he could turn into a diamond some day!"
----
I forgot to mention in an earlier post on the subject that the board game being played at Starbuck's was called "SalmonElla". The goal is to aquire ten points by giving food poisoning to as many of your opponents as possible. In addition to Ella, the Salmon, primary carrier of the pesky bacteria, characters include, a prince who must try to eat her before midnight when she's been laying out unrefridgerated on a platter at the Grand Ball just too long, and the Wicked Step Women, who cannot eat her before smoking her over the embers in their big fireplace. Ella, the Salmon, has ways to force or trick others into eating her at unsafe times, but she has to be careful when to play these cards since the poisoning can be transferred back to her by anyone secretly holding a card for that purpose. Poisoning someone else gets you a point and an extra turn. getting poisoned means you forfeit a point and a lose a turn. First player to make ten points wins.

Is it true there's a similar game called "Canned Spinach" or something?

star.torturer

Oct5-06, 03:25 AM

there could be, but as this is sposed to be a stupid (ly long) answere, im going to say ofcourse,

is it true that therres a moon around me, yse that s what i said?

zoobyshoe

Oct5-06, 03:50 AM

is it true that therres a moon around me, yse that s what i said?
yse therres a moon around me? im going to spose so ofcourse.

Recently when I was opening a can of spinch a 16 year old cloud of compressed, noxious gas sprayed into my face as soon as I broke through the steel with the can opener. The cloud whirled and spun, dazzling me, and then resolved itself into form of Popeye the Sailor, who then said "Ya gots three wishes. Whad'll it be?"

This, I realized, was one of the legendary Jinn; strange, uncovenanted spirits which had been captured and sealed in tins like this by Sulyman, the Great, and thrown in to the ocean depths, where it was hoped they would never be found.

Now, when confronted by a wish-granting Jinn, one must be very, very careful. Like all wish-granters they specialize in granting the letter of your wish while also completely queering the pleasure or enjoyment the wish was actually intended to attain. Even noble wishes for things like world peace or a cure for cancer are twisted into mockeries by the unpleasant side effects the Jinn include in granting the wish. The Jinn are not to be trusted.

So, how do you stuff a two foot tall Popeye back into a can of spinach?

Neohaven

Oct30-06, 09:53 AM

A blender and a heater.... with a kinda big can.

Why do some guys answer 42 to anything?

kant

Oct30-06, 08:42 PM

Woohoo, a brand new forum to post in! Just thought it didn't feel quite right without this here. So in the tradition of PF 2.0 ask a stupid "quetion" and get a stupid answer back.

So to begin.... How long do you think it takes to reach a 1000 posts in this topic again?

It said that there is a corralation between penis size, and brain size. My question is: Does size matter?

madcat11

Nov1-06, 06:55 PM

It said that there is a corralation between penis size, and brain size. My question is: Does size matter?

Matter, schmatter. Who cares what "it" said. (this being not the proper quetion either...)

By the way, who is "it"?

hypatia

Nov2-06, 07:57 AM

Who ever I tag is "it"

Is it proper to use a blow gun when tagging from a distance?

turbo

Nov2-06, 09:27 AM

Who ever I tag is "it"

Is it proper to use a blow gun when tagging from a distance?As long as the dart is tipped with curare (tradition is important).

Why did the Dodge Dart?

Math Is Hard

Nov2-06, 03:58 PM

As long as the dart is tipped with curare (tradition is important).

Why did the Dodge Dart?
It saw the Gremlin coming.

Is there really always room for Jello?

turbo

Nov2-06, 04:29 PM

Is there really always room for Jello?It depends on the volume of the bathtub and the displacement of the occupants (at least the parts of their bodies submerged in the Jello). Tubbing with J-Lo could save on Jello - Kate Moss could run up quite a Jello bill.

Why do desiccant packs in foods and medicines always say "Do not eat?"

Mattara

Nov3-06, 08:47 AM

They're cooporating with wikipedia and the t-shirt creation foundation and will ultimately force all of their employees to wear this:

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/3230/jitcrunchis1.jpg

or this:

http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/7639/jitcrunchrf7.jpg

How does this impact your life?

hypatia

Nov3-06, 09:13 PM

Mattara

Nov4-06, 11:42 AM

Well being that they are white shirts, I will half to go buy the Clorox bleach pen...which means a trip to a store I don't like going to. A super mega-mart. Isle after isle of shiney bright lights, and holiday music playing{already}.
Will the shiney bright lights effect my S.A.D.?

If, by S.A.D you mean Seasonal Affective Disorder, then you are absolutely correct. Research have shown that SAD is indeed affected by bright light and strong sound. That means no more LSD parties or playing UFO in the backyard with the drunken girls that couldn't catch a ride home for me.

What are some of the fundamental differences between LCD and LSD?

DaxInvader

Nov4-06, 08:31 PM

The "C" and the "S"...

Why i'm I answering?

zoobyshoe

Nov5-06, 01:17 AM

Why i'm I answering?
I can't explain why you're You answering because when i'm I answering it's It self evident and i'm I don't even think to wonder about it.

Regardless, or perhaps because of, this, you're You wrong. The difference between LCD (Leprechaunic Colon Disease) and LSD (Loose Sphincter Disorder) is subtle, but much more than alphabetical.

Recently when I was crawling crablike sideways through a narrow fissure in an earthquake partitioned edifice in the city of San Francisco, California, U.S.A. I slipped, unwittingly, through several unmarked perpendicular dimensions and arrived in a very cramped and under equipped, rank smelling bathroom-like structure that seemed to be constructed entirely of plastic. It was very hot. Taped to the wall was a sign that said "Stargate extras: please wash your hands with the hose you'll see to your left when you exit the porta-potty before returning to the set."

I thought it must be about the most ironic thing in the world that I had accidently traveled through an authentic stargate to arrive among people who were filming stories of a purely fictional stargate. I would have pondered this a bit more but someone who'd visited the porta-stargate before me had clearly had an LSD problem and it was desirable to vacate the place. Turning to open the door I discovered the bolt had been thrown to a locked position from the inside.

I hadn't done this, and if anyone else had they would still be there. Unless... I had displaced them upon arrival, sending them back to San Francisco.

So, did any of you suddenly find yourself standing in a large, cracked building with your trousers down around your ankles earlier today?

metaquantum

Nov5-06, 01:53 AM

So, did any of you suddenly find yourself standing in a large, cracked building with your trousers down around your ankles earlier today?

i just cant remember!

AAARRARGGAGARHG

and why the (ugly word) would i ever click on a link that said http://www.PHYSICSforums.com ?????????

AAARGARGRAGRGHRGHRGGH

and why hasnt anybody shot me yet???

AGAGAHAHand why did i just ask 3 questions in a row??????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DaxInvader

Nov5-06, 11:20 AM

Ahh Viva stoopid questions..

For zoobyshoe, What would think my response would be.. when looking the name of the thread?

***

Why do you ask 3 questions in a row?? Who knows? And why?

ARGG I ASKED 3 QUESTIONS IN A ROW!!!!

AAA

turbo

Nov5-06, 03:43 PM

Math Is Hard

Nov5-06, 06:15 PM

I will not answer 3 questions, nor will any other rule-abiding member of this board. Math is Hard has determined your physical location from your IP address, and will hunt you down to beat you with a 20-pound mackerel. Judging from the severity of your offense, she may be using a frozen one.

A chickadees and a whippoorwill can say their own names - why can't a tufted titmouse?
They can't stop giggling long enough to get it out.
note: how many beatings am I going to have to administer today? Geez. This is supposed to be my day off. :mad:

What does this drawing mean?

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/timages/page/Transmissions110106a1.jpg
http://www.coasttocoastam.com/gen/page1712.html?theme=light

zoobyshoe

Nov7-06, 06:11 AM

What does this drawing mean?
Those are the illustrated instructions that Mr. Robin Parsons left me for finding the T.o.E. in the event anything should happen to him. I've been too embarrassed to carry the instructions out because they involve a strange dance in which you must flap your arms like a bird, as depicted in the central figure, and you must also apply facial makeup to resemble a cast member of "Cats" as illustrated in the step by step drawings at the bottom. I don't feel knowing the T.o.E. merits this sort of trouble.

Recently when I was in the large NBC building in N.Y., there to be interviewed in conjunction with my new book A Zoobie's Eye View of the Current Politico-Botanical Crisis in Rural Droolomenia, I happened to stumble into the wrong studio and found myself being interviewed instead on the subject of the current dangerous fad of self-immunization. Apparently today's troubled youth has discovered the thrills of injecting themselves with any kind of killed virus they can lay their hands on and innoculations against small pox, large pox, medium pox, one pox, two pox, red pox, blue pox, and so forth, are selling for as much as $5 an injection on inner city street corners, at raves, and even on schoolyards.

I held forth on this subject, about which I knew nothing, for 10 minutes by telling a string of invented stories about kids who'd been arrested in the act of self immunization behind dumpsters, in alleys, in old quarrys, and with each story I ascribed younger and younger ages to the miscreants, for dramatic effect, untill, when I was about to relate the sad tale of a five year old girl rushed to the ER after she accidently hit an artery while trying to innoculate herself against the flu, I was interrupted by the host who announced it was time to field quetions from the audience.

I pointed to a young, deranged looking man in the front row who was waving his hand at me like an oriental fan. "Yes?'" I said.

"Well", he said, "What would think my response would be...when looking at the name of this thread?"

Just then, the real assistant director of the CDC stumbled into the studio, pointed accusingly at me and shouted "That is an IMPOSTER!"

Rising majestically from my chair to my full height of eight feet, I raised my long arm, pointed back at him and declared, accusingly, "That man is RIGHT!"

Hypnotized by the tone of my voice, two burly studio security guards jumped on the assistant director of the CDC, wrestled him to the floor and handcuffed him, while I slipped out a side door and took the elevator down to the commssary.

What's the special today?

DaxInvader

Nov7-06, 03:22 PM

(LOL!!!)

I heard that the special at the cafateria was they made a very good fight pie..And for dessert.. a teeth soup. Speaking of specials.. One day, I was lost in the woods. For hour and hours a walked upon branches and dead trees wandering when i'll find where I was.. After 2 days without eating, I finally found a road leading to nowhere.. I followed that small road and found a little snack bar along the way.. I rushed in. As I sat down quietly, the waitress came up to me and said:

- What will it be?
- Anything!.. Give me the special!
- Okay i'll bring our today's soup.

As I waited hoping that my stomic(I hope its "stomic" lol is that it?) wouldn't make loud noises, I saw a man behind his journal with a big warm tomato's soup. After 20 minutes of waiting.. I couldn't resist. I walked silently to him.. and took his soup without him noticing.

"When my soup will arrive.. I'll give it to him." I said to me.

I ate that soup in a second.. A new world record.. I was finally eating something in 2 days.. I finished my soup and starting wandering how i could explain myself to the man (Still behind his journal) but its just then that I realized that there was a strange Alien descusting thing inside my bowl.. It was something horrifing.. Hairy.. Moving...I was soo discusted that i vomited my hole soup inside the bowl.

Just then.. The man dropped his journal.. Nodded to me and said:

- Oh! You saw it too?

And now there are supposed to put some commercials over here..

Some days later I found myself in that NBC building near N.Y. ...

Why do we choose th letter "X" when we speak of variables?

Neohaven

Nov7-06, 06:55 PM

(I hope its "stomic" lol is that it?)

As the rules of the thread say ONE question PER person, PER post... I feel obliged to tell you that it might be it, since no one cares.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Why are we limited to only one question?

metaquantum

Nov8-06, 12:44 AM

the correct spelling of a humans middle part (where all the food and the squishy looking things are stored) is "stomach"

and i dont think it was ment to be a question like in the "quetion" meaning

Why do we choose th letter "X" when we speak of variables?

cuz it looks so cool! you know with the pointy ends and all.. theres even four of them! woah

Why are we limited to only one question?

cuz youre all lazy asses

wohoo! i answered 2 quetions

i think that should give me the right to ask an extra question.. but then again, im too lazy to ask

but

whats the difference between george bush, and a monkey?
(and this better be good, cuz i got three of em already)

DaxInvader

Nov8-06, 03:39 PM

Neohaven

Nov8-06, 08:25 PM

Well A monkey can learn things..

Like skate boarding! For the rest, they are the same.

I DO CARE ABOUT MY STOMIC! or stomach.. for the littles brains called metaquamtum... I'm not pointing at anyone!

I'm I?

Neohaven..(Except the fact that you are a very good story braker..) I MUST ask... Since I know you at school... I feel that this is the appropriate way to ask you..

Do you have facial hair?

Last time I asked.. You told me.. 42...

No I don't. Like I cared. No one in my family has lots of facial hair. Just means I won't have to bother cutting/shaving a beard everyday.

No flames is also part of the rules of this board, right?

Math Is Hard

Nov9-06, 12:33 AM

No flames is also part of the rules of this board, right?
Open flames are forbidden when flammable facial fringe is visible in the forums. This practice stems from the Montana laws against maliciously mustaching mischievious Montanese minors.

Last Saturday at the strip mall, just before I was arrested for undressing, a moostachioed man in a turban approached me with two eager fists outstretched. He said, "lady, lucky lady, choose the one that reveals your fortune". I picked the left hand and he said "no, no you did it wrong, try it again." I picked the right hand and he said "no, no. you're stilll not getting it." Which one was I supposed to pick?

zoobyshoe

Nov9-06, 09:09 PM

Last Saturday at the strip mall, just before I was arrested for undressing, a moostachioed man in a turban approached me with two eager fists outstretched. He said, "lady, lucky lady, choose the one that reveals your fortune". I picked the left hand and he said "no, no you did it wrong, try it again." I picked the right hand and he said "no, no. you're stilll not getting it." Which one was I supposed to pick?
Clearly you picked the correct one both times. It was your method of choosing that was wrong.

Once when I was perusing the 30 million profiles posted at myzoobiebrushshelter.com, that ever so addictive website where zoobies can post pictures of themselves in front of the Eiffel Brush Shelter, or mugging in front of their phone camera, I came across the odd profile of a lonely little jellyfish who had no friends but the generic friend they issue everyone when you join. She was blue, an Aries, 39, and not very talkative. She had not papered her mybrushshelter profile with a mass of provocative quotes from rock songs or posted pics of herself in jellygoth makeup and skimpy clothing, or announced she wanted to have lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie despite the fact she was mostly straight, and all that de rigeur mybrushshelter stuff, so it was no wonder she was all alone. I invited her to be my friend.

I'm wondering, though, if I didn't make a risky error. What if it turns out she's not a jellyfish at all but a fiendishly cheerful platinum blonde with an anatomically impossible figure who'd rather shop than tackle a nice quadratic equation?

Mattara

Nov10-06, 02:45 PM

Clearly you picked the correct one both times. It was your method of choosing that was wrong.

Once when I was perusing the 30 million profiles posted at myzoobiebrushshelter.com, that ever so addictive website where zoobies can post pictures of themselves in front of the Eiffel Brush Shelter, or mugging in front of their phone camera, I came across the odd profile of a lonely little jellyfish who had no friends but the generic friend they issue everyone when you join. She was blue, an Aries, 39, and not very talkative. She had not papered her mybrushshelter profile with a mass of provocative quotes from rock songs or posted pics of herself in jellygoth makeup and skimpy clothing, or announced she wanted to have lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie despite the fact she was mostly straight, and all that de rigeur mybrushshelter stuff, so it was no wonder she was all alone. I invited her to be my friend.

I'm wondering, though, if I didn't make a risky error. What if it turns out she's not a jellyfish at all but a fiendishly cheerful platinum blonde with an anatomically impossible figure who'd rather shop than tackle a nice quadratic equation?

In fact, there are a number of socioeconomic factors and relationships to take into account when dealing with shops and stores and purchasing items from them. Leading market strategists say that their current business models of the above act does coincide with previously theorized speculations and events of the modern day haute couture and its counterpart in other areas of said problem.

Which other words is highly professional, yet also have a perverted egde to them?

Leopold Infeld

Nov12-06, 06:10 AM

/I dont know.

Why do I dont know?

MadScientist 1000

Nov12-06, 09:20 PM

/I dont know.

Why do I dont know?

You don't know because I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that I don't know.

Why must I not stop breathing?

The_Thinker

Nov16-06, 12:25 PM

Cause your breathing won't stop you...

Why do mosquitoes bite people even though most of them that do.. die...

Neohaven

Nov16-06, 06:20 PM

Cause your breathing won't stop you...

Why do mosquitoes bite people even though most of them that do.. die...

I think a moth bit you.

Again, why do people answer 42 to some/all questions?

mathwonk

Nov17-06, 11:40 PM

question: why do the dumbest threads live the longest?

Mattara

Nov18-06, 05:58 PM

question: why do the dumbest threads live the longest?

To explore this question, we need to take a look to the past. It has been a long an difficult path to unify GR and QM that has taken several years and several computers and notebooks to reach where I am today.

As you all know, GR or general revenue is money received by the state which can be used for any purpose. Examples of general revenue include receipts from the state income tax and general business taxes etc. QM or quartermaster on the other hand, in the United States Army, is a soldier or unit which specializes in supplying and provisioning troops in the field.

It has been long since forgotten that these two entities could bew combined without getting ridiculously implausible infinite probabilities. Further difficulty has laid in the concept of strings. CBS 60 Minutes had recently covered a story on political earmarks and found that having strings attached was one of the worst political hidden scandals they could find.

What has now been proven is that GR and QM can be unified in a satisfactory way with the aid of such technologic advances.

Should we blindly trust such unbridled ragamuffins? For brevity, I won't comment further on that, but rather on the way that dumbest threads wants to marginalize me based on my gender, race, or religion. It gets better: It actually believes that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. I guess no one's ever told it that it has gotten away with so much for so long that it's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits.

What is a limit, how do men reach it and what exactly does "NO!" mean?

twisting_edge

Nov18-06, 06:41 PM

What is a limit, how do men reach it and what exactly does "NO!" mean?
According to Evo, "'No' is usually just a 'yes' that needs a little persuading." Headed for a felony, she is. You can impute the answer regarding men and limits fairly easily from that.

What's the deal with the Teddy Ruxpin, anyways?

mathwonk

Nov18-06, 08:13 PM

a limit is a point such that a function's values eventually enter every nbhd of it. it is not a boundary but an accumulation point. so a mans limit would be a point he comes back to infinitely often.

Math Is Hard

Nov19-06, 12:46 AM

According to Evo, "'No' is usually just a 'yes' that needs a little persuading." Headed for a felony, she is. You can impute the answer regarding men and limits fairly easily from that.

What's the deal with the Teddy Ruxpin, anyways?
Unfortunately, no deal has been struck with Teddy Ruxpin. In fact, Mr. Ruxpin declined to comment when asked about the matter.

"No" sounds a bit like "yes" in the southern dialect, but in the northern dialect, "yes" sounds very close to "no". Do you think this had anything to do with the great Tablecloth War of 1971 between Velda and Irlene Chowdhardt?

turbo

Nov19-06, 11:33 AM

Unfortunately, no deal has been struck with Teddy Ruxpin. In fact, Mr. Ruxpin declined to comment when asked about the matter.

"No" sounds a bit like "yes" in the southern dialect, but in the northern dialect, "yes" sounds very close to "no". Do you think this had anything to do with the great Tablecloth War of 1971 between Velda and Irlene Chowdhardt?The usage of "yes" and "no" could have averted that awful tragedy. The origin of the unfortunate Great Tablecloth War can be traced back to:
1) the fact that Velda and Irlene both said "uh-uh" for "no" and "uh-huh" for "yes", and:
2) they were both too vain to wear their hearing aids even though they were as deaf as posts.
The carnage was inevitable.

Do the guys get shirts?

Warning! Paul Anka is a potty-mouth. Do not click this link if you are under-age or easily offended.
http://www.noisetank.com/integrity/

Math Is Hard

Nov19-06, 08:41 PM

Do the guys get shirts?

:rofl:
oh, yes. The guys get shirts. That's just the %$#@! way it is.

but why no shirts for the gals?:confused:

turbo

Nov19-06, 08:51 PM

:rofl:
oh, yes. The guys get shirts. That's just the %$#@! way it is.

but why no shirts for the gals?:confused:We like 'em without shirts!

Can we manage to get no shirts and no skirts for the gals? (just checking, not risking a smack with a frozen halibut.:surprised )

twisting_edge

Nov19-06, 09:16 PM

Can we manage to get no shirts and no skirts for the gals?
It is, as a rule, generally easier to get nothing than it is to get something. That is to say, it requires a positive act of will (and a sometimes inordinate amount of dithering) on someone's part to apply the skirts and shirts in the first place, therefore it would require a great deal less effort to not apply the shirts and skirts ab initio.

The next quetion suggests itself: given the amount of effort involved there must clearly be some form of advantage to shirts, skirts and related items. What is it?

Neohaven

Nov19-06, 09:19 PM

Hiding one's assets <ducks, evading the trout>, and some other minor <ducks again>, not counting stopping stupid attempts at groping.

<runs away, for fear of frozen trout slapping>

So... why do people answer 42? (notice this is the 3rd time i post this. :P)

Hurkyl

Nov19-06, 09:24 PM

notice this is the 3rd time i post this
No, I didn't notice.

How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol Hordes got bored?

Neohaven

Nov19-06, 09:36 PM

Maybe one, Maybe thousands, Maybe none. Ask Schroedinger's [sp?!] Cat.

Why does ink clog up sometimes?

darsven

Nov21-06, 01:45 PM

A: Trick question...Ink doesn't clog up, pens do. Nice try!

Q: If you have only one eye, are you winking, or blinking?

Neohaven

Nov23-06, 03:30 PM

A: Trick question...Ink doesn't clog up, pens do. Nice try!

Q: If you have only one eye, are you winking, or blinking?

You're closing you eye.

Why can't epsilon be smaller than 0?

Mattara

Dec8-06, 10:20 AM

You're closing you eye.

Why can't epsilon be smaller than 0?

As in 0 in mass, volume, length, magnitude, strength, position, speed, acceleration, force, intensity, time etc.

How about the si- (gn/ne) for epsilon? Can that be negative?

sas3

Dec8-06, 10:49 AM

A false negative approach to mining frequent itemsets from high speed transactional data streams seem possible.

Ouch, Why did I say that?

Livingod

Dec8-06, 10:23 PM

Perhaps you didn't expect me to come out of months of hibernation (I'm glad to be back :) )

Why am I a bear?

D H

Dec8-06, 10:26 PM

Because your not a duck.

How far can a bird fly?

Livingod

Dec8-06, 10:29 PM

They do what now?

Delzac

Dec11-06, 10:32 PM

How far can a bird fly?
A:Not very far if a nuclear bomb hits them.

They do what now?
A:They, as i take it refers to birds, and birds are flying in the skies as i see it.

Q: Why is the bible in the fiction section of a bookstore ?

Arbitrary

Jan11-07, 11:06 PM

Q: Why is the bible in the fiction section of a bookstore ?
Because it is time the Bible's God be defeated, just like Zeus and Ra and a bunch of other gods and goddesses before them.

Why does typing in all caps mean anger?

zoobyshoe

Jan12-07, 10:09 AM

Why does typing in all caps mean anger?
I've consulted several typing texts on the matter, including typing manuals for people with polydactyly, people with two left hands, and even for amputees who type with their feet and all agree that typing exclusively in capitol letters signifies anger due to a peculiar assistant of Gutenberg who used to chew lower case letters when he was in a state of wrath, apparently quite common for him, leaving him with nothing but capitols to set. History does not inform us of the reason he would choose to chew lower case letters but eschewed chewing those of the upper case. A choosy chewer.

Serendipitously this leads us to a perenial favorite quetion: " How much type would a typesetter chew if a typesetter could chew type?" Since, however, it has been asked 42.0045 times already in the course of this thread I will not repose it, choosing instead to ask: "If the Mona Lisa were alive today, and were authentically moaning, would it be because 1.) She was being tattooed, 2.) She was having a body piercing done, or 3.) Just got her credt card bill?"

arunbg

Jan13-07, 03:39 AM

"If the Mona Lisa were alive today, and were authentically moaning, would it be because 1.) She was being tattooed, 2.) She was having a body piercing done, or 3.) Just got her credt card bill?"
No, no, no as per the paparazzi it's because on her 500th birthday, she found out that she had grown a streak of grey hair.
That made her say "Oh lame saint" referring to .... ?

Moridin

Jul4-07, 07:49 PM

That made her say "Oh lame saint" referring to .... ?

One of the ancient Celtic writings on lunar astrology and how the starts exert profound influence on the choices you make in your life. Other interpretations, notably by Ricard M. Blosser, Ph.D in fairyology, has been that it actually represents a modern form of paralysis from analysis, which he experienced during an excavation of a medieval statues of the great Sweden King Gustav Wasa, who coincidentally liked to go skiing and, according to controversial sources that lacks independent verification, also was interested in the occult, especially the fine are of detecting small flying mythological female creatures using a broken stick.

By the way, how would one go about getting a Ph.D in fairyology?

Huckleberry

Jul4-07, 10:46 PM

Seeing as how it is well known that all events that occur as a result of dubious circumstances are a result of the actions of fairies, it can be assumed that fairies may be responsible for all events that we do not understand. So the best way to become a fairyologist would be to master the understanding of nothing at all. When one understands nothing then the behaviours of fairies can be observed in everything.

Degrees in fairyology are offered at universities around the world. Two things are required, the ability to accept what is taught and perform it as directed at the required time, and the conviction that one actually possesses knowledge.

Yesterday I was speaking with a friend who told me he had won a battle of the bands in his city. He was very pleased and hoped to win again this year. I congratulated him on his success and remarked at how fortunate he is to have such great musical ability. His job is to party and he can hardly choose among all the women available to him. Should I be envious of him?

NeoDevin

Jul5-07, 01:36 AM

Yesterday I was speaking with a friend who told me he had won a battle of the bands in his city. He was very pleased and hoped to win again this year. I congratulated him on his success and remarked at how fortunate he is to have such great musical ability. His job is to party and he can hardly choose among all the women available to him. Should I be envious of him?

No, time spent being envious could better be spent finding women for yourself.

Can you find women by yourself?

zoobyshoe

Aug28-07, 05:45 AM

Can you find women by yourself?
Yes, it they're Miss Teen USA contestants and you have a map.

Recently when I was crawling on all fours around the cafe, La Souris Perdue I realized I had no map. Regardless, I found a woman and, tugging on her skirt I called up to her "Je suis perdue!" Pinning my tail to the floor with her foot, she reached down, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, lifted me up, and staring down her nose at me she said "Are you a zoobie or a mouse?"

"I'm neither. I'm a bunch of grocery clerks paying a bill by collecting a lost delivery boy. Are you Miss Teen U.S.A.?"

"I'm neither. I'm Miss Teen Iraq, or Miss Teen South Afrika. Possibly Miss Teen Asia. Are you lost?

"I'm neither. I've cracked the Da Vinci code, and I've swum the channel. I have danced the last tango in Paris, and rode the Titanic all the way to the bottom. I have asked what I could do for my country and I have written riddles for the Sphinx. I have solved triangles and made squares more complicated. I have drunk moonshine on a chilly November night in August wrapped in the skin of a bear I killed with his own hands. Who does not like the Simpsons and why?"

"Whore you calling insensible?!?!"

Moridin

Aug30-07, 06:53 AM

"Whore you calling insensible?!?!"

Insensibility thinks that its besotted, abusive claque is a benign and charitable agency. Unfortunately for it, it's wrong. The following text regards my complaints of recent days against it and its subtle but semi-intelligible attempts to create a regime of inhumane barbarism. Throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to help people break free of the insensible cycle of oppression and those who wish to create a world without history, without philosophy, without science, without reason -- a world without beauty of any kind, without art, without literature, without culture. Naturally, insensibility belongs to the latter category.

What can we do in the presence of this great injustice?

Jungy

Sep5-07, 05:19 AM

What can we do in the presence of this great injustice?

Just hide in a bomb shelter.

What's 1 + 7?

Huckleberry

Sep10-07, 09:38 AM

it's the original concept for the Van Halen almbum, OU812. It's kind of like a donut. You start in the middle then work your way out. It's all about the symbolism of migrant seagulls as they fly from coast to coast over vast areas of land using nothing but a highly developed sensitivity to industrial sized deep fat fryers to guide them.

So I was driving to a shopping mall the other day and not far away in the parking lot of MacDonalds I saw this seagull poking around some trash. It obviously found something that it liked because I saw its head roll back and it started bobbing it's neck up and down as it swallowed what looked to be an entire Big Mac. I felt certain that the gull would choke on this, comparatively, monstrous meal. I was about to run over there and render medical aid to what I thought would be an asphyxiating seagull, but sure enough the burger began to move down it's neck. The gross disfigurement of the burger sliding down this bird's gullet was reminiscent of Tom and Jerry cartoons I watched as a child. I could have been no more surprised than if this avian anomoly had consumed an umbrella whole and then opened it inside himself by some miraculous prestidigitation. Before I knew it I was walking into Best Buy to pick up some ink for my photo scanner while humming to myself 'All beef pattie, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.' The door attendant greeted me cordially. I couldn't help but feel that my loose grasp on reality had somehow been irreversibly shaken.

Can a seagull fly after eating an entire Big Mac in one muscular contraction?

zoobyshoe

Sep10-07, 11:08 AM

Can a seagull fly after eating an entire Big Mac in one muscular contraction?
This study:

seagullswallowxssw12

indicates that most seagulls can fly after eating an entire Big Mac in one muscular convulsion. In fact, they may do it after up to four muscular convulsions before their ability to fly is compromised. After five muscular convulsions 34.77% of seagulls experienced a sudden loss of the ability to get themselves airborn, and of those, 73.12% could not even fly aboard commercial airliners (unless there was a goat sacrifice.)

How many seagulls must be sacrificed before a goat can fly?

Huckleberry

Sep15-07, 12:21 PM

Math Is Hard

Oct18-07, 04:18 PM

Only the entire Flock of Seagulls must be sacrificed. Ironically enough, Flock of Seagulls gained their popularity by selling their souls to a demonic goat. He said "By my bless-ed beard I shall endow your scalp with hair that defies the very laws of nature, and it shall be the source of your supernatural ability." Like all demons, his gifts were as twisted as the horns on his head. <edit: blasphemy> Then he jammed their souls onto fish hooks and stuck them in his favorite fishing hat before flying away to relax by his timeshare along the river Styx.

What is the going rate for a timeshare in Hades these days?

Hades, Nevada? I wasn't paying attention during the presentation about the timeshare. I just wanted to get my free bagel slicer and get the hell out of there.

Not only has my attention span become a distracting problem, but I seem to be developing mild jellybean synesthesia. All the pink ones taste like cotton candy, the green ones taste of lime, and the yellow ones produce definite banana flavor sensations. I don't know how I came to acquire such peculiar associations, but it seems the only remedy is to hold my nose. Do you think I should see a specialist?

daveb

Oct18-07, 05:30 PM

Do you think I should see a specialist? Why in the world would anyone want to see that movie, let alone any Stallone movie? Yes, it also starred the wonderful James Woods, but even that's not enough to get me to see that movie! About the only Stallone movie I can stand is Victory (a relatively decent movie if you haven't seen it), despite the fact he's in it. Do you suppose he'll make another tired remake of Rocky?

Moridin

Oct18-07, 06:05 PM

Do you suppose he'll make another tired remake of Rocky?

One of the questions that have plagued philosophers since the dawn of modern man is this exact conundrum. If it is possible to make a rock, would it be possible to make the same rock the same again with their distinctive features already intact; fish with fins and scales; birds with wings, feathers, beaks etc.? Naturally, the blind watchmaker could indeed give rise to the devil's chaplain through the evolutionary processes that is conveniently labeled as the selfish gene. Perhaps a better angle to view the problems through is thinking it of as a river out of eden. Like a river, poor remakes of movies that where bad to begin with are indeed vacuous precis som om det hade varit en helt annan grej, som typ en bok, vars anagram became: Dog: Charles Darwin did OK in the US. To really follow the argument to its logical conclusion, what would our ancestors have responded to the sun rise? Our Ancestors' Tale is indeed rich of predictions on whether it is possible to climb a very high mountain. It is so improbable that we can even label it as climbing Mt. Improbable.

How low can I go?

Math Jeans

Oct19-07, 02:40 PM

Not lower than the limbo bar.

Are Jamacans really obsessed with limbo?

turbo

Oct19-07, 04:04 PM

Not lower than the limbo bar.

Are Jamacans really obsessed with limbo?No, only with the limbo bar. If your soul is going to be sequestered for what may be an eternity, it's nice to have a place to get liquid refreshments while you're there.

How low can you go?

Math Jeans

Oct19-07, 04:41 PM

Lower than Moridin.

How many Scovilles does it take to burn a hole in a person's skin?

Zbornak

Nov1-07, 08:53 AM

About 1,800,000 which corresponds to the level of hotness of a half-naked, limbo dancing, Jamaican seagull.

If god exists, does she believe in herself, does she have faith in her omni-powers or does she have self-confidence issues like most girls do?

(Hello to all of you! I'm new here! :þ)

Zenparticle

Nov1-07, 04:52 PM

No, she has PMS and is quite angry you asked, she will be sending you a lightning bolt to the rear asap.

Will I win the lottery?

Math Jeans

Nov1-07, 06:56 PM

You already have.

I think Hell just froze over. What should I do?

Zbornak

Nov1-07, 07:55 PM

Wear a toque.

Are we there yet?

Math Jeans

Nov1-07, 08:26 PM

You asked me that ten years ago and the answer is still no.

Where are we supposed to be going anyway?

turbo

Nov1-07, 08:30 PM

To Hell in a handbasket.

What's in your handbasket, Dorothy?

Zenparticle

Nov2-07, 02:10 AM

A can of corned hand-Toto's Favorite!

Do you want a dancing monkey?

rhuthwaite

Nov2-07, 03:55 AM

No I want a naughty zebra.

So what's the moral of the story?

Zbornak

Nov2-07, 04:50 PM

Always keep your jellyfishes and your condoms away from naughty zebras.

What happens if you put all your eggs in one handbasket?

Huckleberry

Nov6-07, 10:29 AM

You make a really big omelet and throw the shells on the compost pile.

Speaking of compost, I have one in my backyard. It started out as a trash dump because I was too lazy to bring my refuse to the public dump. Then the neighbors complained and showed me some city ordnance that prohibits private dumping in residential areas. So I spent weeks removing all the recyclables and nonbiodegradable matter. What I was left with was a rather large, steaming pile of kitchen compost. According to the city ordnance there are no regulations against compost piles in my area. So now that is where I dump all my biodegradable kitchen scraps and lawn clippings.

At first I let my refuse pile sit there just to annoy my neighbors, but last year I noticed that the compost melted the snow around the pile. The process of decomposing generates quite a bit of heat. One of my neighbors offered to take the compost to keep her plants from freezing in the winter. I considered this a clever trick to remove the public eyesore I was so proud of, however, her proposal did give me another useful idea.

I'm thinking of using compost to heat my house in the winter time. I figure a pile in every room should be enough to keep me warm and save me lots of money on heating expenses. I also don't have to take out the trash anymore or bag loads of leaves and grass clippings. I just throw my trash on the floor and use a wheelbarrow to cart my lawn garbage indoors. There I dump it in whichever room I want to be warmer. When summer comes around I'll just wheel it out to my backyard again. I can save hundreds of dollars every year and brag about how green I am to all the environmentalists.

My only quetion is, what can I do about the smell?

Math Jeans

Nov6-07, 03:46 PM

Get used to it and make your guests wear gas masks.

Should I wear a gas mask during flu season?

turbo

Nov6-07, 04:15 PM

Depends on what kind of gas you've got the mask hooked up to.

I have two big compost bins. Why do I bother heating with a wood stove?

zoobyshoe

Nov9-07, 03:23 AM

I have two big compost bins. Why do I bother heating with a wood stove?
Because, despite having read the instructions for your Do-It-Yourself Backyard Breeder Reactor three times you still can't find where it says what animal you're supposed to breed with it to get it started.

Recently I purchased a Do-It-Yourself Backyard Breeder Reactor. I've read the instructions three times, but I'm still confused. What animal are you supposed to fling via trebuchet at a horde of attacking double-pawed kittens?

Zbornak

Nov11-07, 08:29 PM

A male lycanthropic starfish.

Are starfishes hunted down by paparazzi?

zoobyshoe

Nov12-07, 09:44 AM

Are starfishes hunted down by paparazzi?
Starfishes are attention whores who lounge around just begging to have their photographs taken, never attempting to escape the flash-bulbed hunters, so, no. Too easy.

Recently I recieved an "expiry" notice from an internet forum where I post saying my subscription was soon to require renewal.

Reaching into my wallet for my credit card I discovered, to my amazement, that my credit card was being chewed upon by a smallish, yellow starfish. Unable to believe my eyes I said to it: "Who are you, and where the hell is the octopus I keep in my wallet to guard my credit card?"

Pausing from his meal, the starfish looked up at me and said: "I am wearing a plaid kilt and you must put the "bag" back into "bagpipes".

Why do starfishes always talk with their mouth full?

Gokul43201

Nov12-07, 05:10 PM

Why do starfishes always talk with their mouth full?It's all explained in Gnarles Jarvin's theory of Jellovution and in the excellent work by Hertzell and Russprung on starfish jellovution...

The early starfish - protostarfish - figured out that every time they opened their mouths to speak, the sea would rush in, resulting in unpleasant, gagging sensations. The dull starfish couldn't figure out a solution to this problem, and jellovolved into brown barfs, a species of star-creature doomed to a life of silence. Jarvin also explains how some of these brown barfs walked out of the sea and became Benedictine monks, but that's a different story.

Now, the really bright starfish, however, jellovolved into a species capable of speaking while swallowing vast amounts of sea (and tiny seacreatures), and a small number of these fat slobs consumed so much sea-mass that they collapsed into the most singular seacreatures ever: the black gobholes.

The rest is history...we've all read what Alfred, Hundredshaker, Rogets Pentarose and Stevie Shocking have had to say about the starfish: that they're perfectly disgusting things with absolutely no sense of decency (they eat with five elbows on the table).

So, lately I've heard rumors that all the starfish are slowly drifting towards an unobservable object that jellitivists and gobsmologists are calling the dark platter. I think that's a bunch of jellyslime.

But I'm rambling...so what was this all about anyway?

zoobyshoe

Nov12-07, 08:37 PM

...so what was this all about anyway?
I'm certain I'm sure, maybe, but I can't tell.

In the meantime I think you may have opened a can of weird, purple jellyfish by raising the thorny subject of Jellovution. It begs the quetion:

Could "all this" have actually merely jellovolved, by weird, purple selection, or was it created, deliberately, according to some Ententicled Design?

Huckleberry

Nov15-07, 10:20 PM

I was looking through my telescope last night. I stood hunched over the eye-piece wearing a purple, hooded sweatshirt with my hands balled up and stuffed in the pocket to ward off the cold. After several hours I noticed a strange, blurry object writhing about at the edge of my view. It seemed to resist any attempts for me to focus on it, sometimes squirming across the heavens at unimaginable velocity to excape my observation. Finally, as I was about to scream in frustration, an image began to appear.

I was looking across the universe at myself, standing hunched over a telescope wearing a purple sweatshirt with my hands stuffed in the pocket. My image appeared to be as surprised as I at this spectacle. Suddenly he turned around and looked at me. The face staring at me was not my own, but that of a weird, purple, ententicled jellyfish.

I felt suddenly as though I could not breath. As hard as I tried to inhale I seemed to have no lungs to hold air. My heart was gone too, with all my blood, evaporated into the ether. I tried to run but found that my bones had disolved and left my limbs flapping like grammy's underarms. I tried to look for help, but I had no eyes to see. I could feel my consciousness expanding and contracting, drifting back across the universe. . Then I thinks to myself, "Oh noes" and realize I have no brain to think. All that is left is this feeling of being all groovy and purple, with tentacles.

Next thing I know I'm waking up in my bed, but for some reason it is in the backyard. I spit the end of my telescope out of my mouth and hear my friends laughing at me from the porch. I throw off the covers, scattering empty cans and bottles across the yard, and run to the bathroom. After emptying the contents of my stomach in the sink I hardly notice the genetalia drawn on my face in indelible marker or that half my head is shaved. All I could remember was that weird, groovy, purple feeling. It must be jellativity.

I'm not sure if "all this" merely jellovolved by weird purple selection or if it was created deliberately through Ententicled Design. Was my experience some vision of jellovolution of humanity, or was it just the Ententicled Design of some inebriated college fraternity guys?

madcat11

Nov19-07, 07:33 PM

I Was my experience some vision of jellovolution of humanity, or was it just the Ententicled Design of some inebriated college fraternity guys?

Er, the latter.

Is there an end to all this jellitivity?

turbo

Nov19-07, 08:02 PM

Er, the latter.

Is there an end to all this jellitivity?Yes! I seriously ain't gellin' unless it involves my wife's wonderful hot chili jelly. Mmmmm.

Why do we invite turkeys to Thanksgiving dinner? I invite my father, but he always gets to go home after.

Zbornak

Nov20-07, 09:24 AM

I guess that inviting Mr. Bush for dinner is a guilty pleasure. Gobble gobble!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAqwgYrv6IQ

What really happened in Tunguska and did chili jelly have anything to do with it?

GleefulNihilism

Nov23-07, 10:08 PM

In a very possible future I will get my PhD in Astrophysics and use that knowledge for evil. Using neutrino based communications technologies I will phone up an alien empire, and wager which one of us can eat their weight in chili jelly first. My winning the bet will upset the aliens greatly and in an attempt to wipe me from the timeline they will attack Earth with a large chili-jelly-based weapon of mass destruction. Failing miserably they will kidnap and anally probe rednecks for at least 100 years.

How much like an expostition scene on an Oliver Stone movie was that, and was chili jelly involved with that as well?

Huckleberry

Dec13-07, 11:03 AM

You should realize you have just changed the future through the act of asking that question. On the other side of the office that has the portal to John Malkovich's mind hidden behind a filing cabinet is a portal to Oliver Stone's stomach hidden behind a water cooler. I had read your quetion the other day, and being keen on adding new flavors to my pallet, I decided to try some of this chili jelly you spoke of. Anyway, I hear a gurgle from behid the water cooler and I go over there, lunch in hand, to investigate. Upon opening the door I was blasted by a wave of noxious fumes. In my surprise I dropped my lunch in the doorway before quickly slamming it closed. The very next day I read in the tabloids that Oliver Stone was working on a new film called Gleeful Nihilism, with the premise of an alien culture invading Earth with large chili-jelly based weapons. Hillbillies take up their plastic sporks in defense of the human race. I'm sure it will be another blockbuster for the acclaimed director. Ironically, a google search of "Oliver Stone want chili-jelly" leads to post #2978 on the Physics Forums website. The posting members alias is Gleeful Nihilism. I think you should demand royalties.

All this talk of chilli-jelly has made me hungry. Whenever I think about food I also think about my mother. Not being the most family oriented child I didn't call my mother until last weekend to inquire about how her Thanksgiving holiday went. Everything was as usual at home as expected, but at the end of the phone conversation I was baffled by her parting gesture. My mother told me that she loves me and I replied, "I can believe that you do, but how do I really know that? The fact that you raised me probably counts as good anecdotal evidence, but I would like a lie detector test and a brain scan of neural activity while experiencing the emotion of love. I need measurable variables to verify the factual authenticity of that statement." Ofcourse, I was only kidding, but the long silence on the phone suggested to me that my mother was actually considering my response. So I curiously awaited her response. She said, "What does measurement have to do with my feelings?" I didn't have an answer for her query.

When next I call my mother, how should I answer her question?

turbo

Dec13-07, 11:28 AM

When you call you mother, you should demand measurement so that you know that her affection is directed at you. Case in point: a near-sighted dowager totters into her living room and experiences a flash of affection for her Shih Tzu which quickly fades when she realizes she's not looking at the yappy little mutt, but at a scarf which had fallen on the floor. How does this relate to you? Your mother may have seen you sleeping in your crib and felt that same flash of affection until she realized that little pink object was not the ham that she was planning on cooking for dinner. Remember, trust but verify.

A chickadee can say its own name, as can a whippoorwill, and a phoebe. Why hasn't the tufted tit-mouse picked up this very basic skill?

Huckleberry

Dec13-07, 11:53 AM

The guy who was put in charge of naming rodents was nearly deaf. You aren't squeezing them hard enough. Try a vice. A mousetrap might work also. I know I say "tufted tit-mouse" every time I've ever got my toe sprung in a mouse trap.

Does this mean I am a tufted tit-mouse or that deaf guys shouldn't use onomatopoeias when naming the animals they are responsible for?

Huckleberry

Jan11-08, 10:50 AM

I can only assume by the lack of a reply that I am a tufted tit-mouse and nobody had the heart to point it out to me. It's not nearly as difficult to adapt to this new situation as I thought it would be, and it explains a great deal about my midnight cravings for all things cheesy delicious.

I was visiting an old abandoned desert mine with a tufted tit-mouse friend of mine. We spelunked down into a dark cavern wearing adorable little mouse lighted helmets. There was an object placed in the center of the cavern with a canvas over it. Upon removing the guano-covered canvas, much to our surprise, we discovered a pristine '67 Shelby Cobra.

After a few moments of absorbing this information I stated the obvious, "How does a '67 Shelby Cobra get into the bottom of a mine shaft?" My tit-mouse friend replied "It must be a natural phenomena, perhaps one of those incredible cases of quantum tunneling that is possible in theory. We should investigate." I was a bit hungry and wanted to go back outside and enjoy a nice mid-day meal in the shade so I told him, "Don't waste your energy. The simple answer is that some crazy guy decided this would be a good place to reassemble his automobile. Let's have lunch before he comes back to check on it."

So we replaced the canvas and scrambled out of the mine to enjoy our meal. We didn't speak much, each of us wondering the same quetion,...

Is there any rational explanation for the existence of a '67 Shelby Cobra to be at the bottom of a mine shaft?

Moridin

Jan11-08, 11:05 AM

Is there any rational explanation for the existence of a '67 Shelby Cobra to be at the bottom of a mine shaft?

It is a long story, but it all began with a flame war I had with some market anarchists that where part of the Ayn Rand objectivist cult. After four hours or so, the dust had settled and we'd pretty much exhausted ourselves.

Actually, while Rand and other unrealistic, maleficent airheads sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that we must give to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance. When she was first found trying to do everything possible to keep gritty champions of deceit, lies, theft, plunder, and rapine inimical and contentious, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Rand is planning to fund a vast web of bad-tempered, spineless yahoos, batty lowbrows, and grotesque lugs, I'm downright terrified. She claims that there should be publicly financed centers of demagogism. Well, I beg to differ. The time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must sincerely push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. The first step in that process is to realize that a person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. Rand has never had that faculty. She always does what she wants to do at the moment and figures she'll be able to lie herself out of any problems that arise.

People used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that Rand has OD'd on sexism. After seeing Rand promote violence in all its forms -- physical, sexual, psychological, economical, and social -- these same people now realize that I wasn't exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that it seems that no one else is telling you that Rand has no soul. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, Rand's licentious fulminations often resemble an inverted fairy tale in that the triumph of innocence comes at the start and the ugly sisters of antagonism and recidivism enter on stage in triumph for the final curtain. With Rand's convictions hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles, it makes sense that we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Rand. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that the last time I told Rand's trained seals that I want to expose injustice and puncture prejudice they declared in response, "But the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs -- or maybe even chocolate." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. At this point, our task is to answer the power-hungry chiselers who pass off all sorts of ophidian and obviously termagant stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience". Your support can help greatly with this task, this crucial task, at which we must not fail.

So, what is your experience of the experience of experience?