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Apr2-06, 08:27 PM
P: 18
M. 3-4 transition in the second example is nonsense. The diminshed triad in the first example is merely awkward, and painful, much more so with the unnecessary Bb suspension. If this is a theory exercise (as I hope), lots of things to things to be improved might be

-mobile bass
-use readable notation (bass clef for RH)
-look up, in your text, a half-decent transition from IV(64) to I, there are many
-figure out what your rests mean, and why they make everything more awkward
(hint: 1st downbeat is the strongest beat)