Science Jokes


by Ivan Seeking
Tags: humor, jokes, science
Monique
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#37
Feb5-04, 11:22 PM
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[:))]
jimmy p
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#38
Feb6-04, 10:27 AM
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A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean Aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

"That's it, I can never remember that word."



A physicist, a biologist and a chemist go to the beach for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves, and walked into the ocean. The physicist was drowned and never returned. The Biologist said he wanted to research the flora and fauna of the ocean, and walked into the ocean. Likewise he was drowned and never returned. The chemist waited by the ocean side for a long time, before finally removing his notepad and writing the observation "Both Physicists and Biologists are soluble in water."



A Chemical is a substance that:

*An organic chemist turns into a foul odour.

*An analytical chemist turns into a procedure.

*A physical chemist turns into a straight line.

*A biochemist turns into a helix.

*A chemical engineer turns into a profit.




Classification of Chemistry:

*Physical Chemistry - The pitiful attempt to apply "y=mx+c" to everything in the universe.

*Organic Chemistry - The practice of transmutation of vile substances into publications.

*Inorganic Chemistry - That which is left after the organic, analytical and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.

*Chemical Engineering - The practice of doing for profit what an organic chemist does for fun.

*Organic Chemistry - The study of carbon compounds.

*Biochemistry - The study of carbon compounds that wiggle.




Experiments should be reproducible - They should fail the same way every time.

Activation energy - The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers; but to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Free radicals have revolutionalised chemistry.

A Physical Chemist is a student who goes to university thinking he might want to be a physicist; but gets intimidated by the maths.



Chemists last words:

*And now the tasting test....

*And now shake a bit....

*In which glass was my mineral water?

*Why does that stuff burn with a green flame!?!?

*And now the detonating gas problem...

*This is a completely safe experimental set up.

*Now you can take the protection window away...
Mattius_
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#39
Feb9-04, 06:36 PM
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"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.The barman says "That'll be 80p please!"
Ok, i know what ATP is, but i still dont get it!!!
jammieg
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Feb14-04, 10:41 AM
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In theory the Neadrathal died out because their brains grew too big and they said, "dammit women we don't need a penthouse and cars and flying saucers, this cave is all we will ever need and more meat!" and so most died out except for the few with the best nagging wives.
Greg Bernhardt
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#41
Feb21-04, 10:40 AM
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Add your science jokes here:
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Imparcticle
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#42
Mar21-04, 06:18 PM
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Originally posted by Monique
"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p please!"

Think about that one for a while [6)]

I don't get it.[b(] [:(] [*(]
Brad_Ad23
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#43
Mar21-04, 06:23 PM
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Originally posted by SquareItSalamander
I don't get it.[b(] [:(] [*(]
Think about it. 80p. Eighty-p. eighdy-p. A-D-P.

[:))]
jimmy p
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#44
Mar21-04, 06:35 PM
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or ATP as it is known as (AdenosineTriPhosphate) [6)]
Brad_Ad23
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#45
Mar21-04, 07:22 PM
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I think the joke makes more sense if the bartender asks for the ADP version, since he is giving out ATP.[?]
kuengb
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#46
Mar22-04, 11:59 AM
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Shortest mathematics joke:
[tex]\varepsilon < 0 [/tex]
with the even more excessive versions
[tex]\varepsilon \ll 0 [/tex]
and
[tex]\varepsilon \rightarrow - \infty [/tex]

[?] [:)] [?] [?] [:D] Probably only a few will laugh, but those who do are really worth it!
DrMatrix
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#47
Mar31-04, 11:03 PM
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A constant function and an exponential are walking down the street. Up ahead, they see a differential operator coming their way. The constant function says, "Oh man, I gotta run. That's a differential operatior and it can turn me into nothing." The constant function runs away, but not the exponential function. Unafraid, it walks right up to the differential operator and says, "Hello there, differential operator, I'm [itex]e^x.[/itex]" The differential operator says, "Pleased to meet you, [itex]e^x.[/itex] I'm d/dz."
ElectroPhysics
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#48
Apr7-04, 02:36 AM
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If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.
enigma
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#49
Apr20-04, 02:07 AM
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A large diplomatic delegation from Poland gets on a plane to go to a UN conference. The plane takes off normally, and everything seems fine during takeoff. Five minutes into the flight, however, the plane starts flying erratically, inverts, and crashes killing everyone onboard. The investigators analyzing the crash are dumbfounded since everything seemed to be in order with the aircraft. Eventually, they bring the problem to a contol engineer who immediately recognizes the problem: "It's simple really... you had poles in the right half of the plane!"

... lets see how many get it.
enigma
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#50
Apr20-04, 02:08 AM
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Quote Quote by DrMatrix
A constant function and an exponential are walking down the street. Up ahead, they see a differential operator coming their way. The constant function says, "Oh man, I gotta run. That's a differential operatior and it can turn me into nothing." The constant function runs away, but not the exponential function. Unafraid, it walks right up to the differential operator and says, "Hello there, differential operator, I'm [itex]e^x.[/itex]" The differential operator says, "Pleased to meet you, [itex]e^x.[/itex] I'm d/dz."
I don't get this one, and I didn't get the math party one... I'm sure its a pun of some sort, but it's escaping me.
jimmy p
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#51
Apr20-04, 10:30 AM
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very funny enigma, i had to re-read it just to make sure i was laughing at the right thing though!
Njorl
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#52
Apr20-04, 12:37 PM
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Quote Quote by enigma
A large diplomatic delegation from Poland gets on a plane to go to a UN conference. The plane takes off normally, and everything seems fine during takeoff. Five minutes into the flight, however, the plane starts flying erratically, inverts, and crashes killing everyone onboard. The investigators analyzing the crash are dumbfounded since everything seemed to be in order with the aircraft. Eventually, they bring the problem to a contol engineer who immediately recognizes the problem: "It's simple really... you had poles in the right half of the plane!"

... lets see how many get it.

Even if they had worked around the poles, I'm sure there would have been nothing left but sum residue.

Njorl
DrMatrix
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#53
Apr20-04, 10:00 PM
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Quote Quote by enigma
I don't get this one, and I didn't get the math party one... I'm sure its a pun of some sort, but it's escaping me.
Nope not a pun. [itex]e^x.[/itex] is a constant function as far as a function of z is concerned.
enigma
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#54
Apr21-04, 12:40 AM
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Ah. So it wasn't funny.


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