Lame Jokes

nismaratwork

Indeed he was

IMP

*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

nismaratwork

"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose."

Borg

A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either.

Borek

Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

nismaratwork

It is a "lame" joke... remember.

nismaratwork

Another classic, "We [men] are life support systems for a penis."

jtbell

This subthread reminds me of a joke that was posted in another thread a few years ago:

http://www.physicsforums.com/showpos...&postcount=217

nismaratwork

EVO!!!

DevilsAvocado

"If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."

Classic Evo

DevilsAvocado

nismaratwork

Thank you kind sir, thank you!

DevilsAvocado

Kasparov's Apocalypse Now

*** Warning! Body part in strange environment! ***

nismaratwork

Oh god, isn't that priceless?

DevilsAvocado

lisab

That probably led to some strange conversations over dinner that evening.

"How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"

nismaratwork

LAME jokes Lisa... you're supposed to be LAME. You go join DaveC... that was funny.