Lame Jokes

FtlIsAwesome

thumbs up!




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*employee #1 tied to missile*
Angry Boss: You're fired!
*presses launch button*
*turns to employee #2*
Angry Boss: You're fired! *torches him with a flamethrower*
*turns to #3*
Employee #3: Uuh, umm... eheh... I quit. *runs away as fast as he can*
Angry Boss: Hmm? I don't know what scared him so much. And I was gonna to give him a promotion, too.

HeLiXe

Free heat in short intense bursts

jtbell

Ooh, Dogbert can do lame jokes, too:

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-08-27/

HeLiXe

reminds me of the lorax

ThomasT

A man who is having gas problems explains to his doctor that
every time he farts it sounds like honda.
The doctor does an examination and finds nothing wrong with the man.
As a last resort he looks into the patient's mouth and finally spots the
problem. "I'm sorry, you'll have to go to a dentist for your problem."
So the man goes to see his dentist. After a quick exam, the dentist
announces that the man has an abscess. "No problem, I'll
have you fit and without your embarrassing problem in a jiffy," says
the dentist.
Sure enough, the man's problem disappears and he no longer makes
farts that sound like a honda. The next week the man calls up the
dentist and thanks him for all he's done for him. But before he hangs up
he asks the dentist how he knew the problem was caused by an abscess.
The dentist replies, "It's easy. Everyone knows that an abscess
makes the fart go honda.

Lancelot59

I don't get it.

HeLiXe

lolololz maybe a promotion to the moon or something

genepool

I didn't either at first.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Bit of a stretch.

lisab

well, it is in the Lame Jokes thread!

Lancelot59

Maybe if you stretch it past the breaking point...but okay.

ThomasT

Exactly. There are far to many clever and funny jokes in this thread imo.

ThomasT

This is especially for Lancelot59:

Dracula goes to Rome and checks into the Grand Italia Hotel.
The bellhop, after bringing in his coffin, asks if there is anything he
can do for him. Dracula says, "Yes, there is," and lunges for the boy's
throat. After draining the blood from him, Dracula throws the bellhop's
lifeless body out his bedroom window. The body lands on a policeman
stationed in front of the
hotel. The impact sends the policeman sprawling to the ground.
Meanwhile, Dracula still has not satisfied his bloodlust, so he goes
into the hotel's hallway and grabs a chambermaid. When finished with
her, he throws her drained body out the same window. This body, too,
lands on the unfortunate policeman, who has just managed to dust himself
off after the first assault. This time, however, he was knocked cold.
A half hour later the police commissioner arrives on the scene and
manages to get the unconscious officer back to his senses. "Officer
Vetillo, can you explain what is going on here?" the commissioner asks as
he looks at the dead drained bodies on the ground.
"I don't honestly know, sir. [Racial slur removed]"

ThomasT

A fellow goes to confession and tells the priest, "Father, I've
had an affair with another woman."
"I see," says the priest, looking very grave. "But, I cannot grant
you absolution until you tell me who she is."
"Well, okay, Father," says the guy somewhat reluctantly. "Her name
is Pussy Green, and she's a blonde and a knockout."
The following Sunday, this gorgeous blonde makes her way down the
aisle and into the front pew. The priest takes a few good looks and
finally asks the altar boy, "Son, is that Pussy Green?"
The altar boy stoops down and peers, then says, "No, Father, I think
that's just the reflection from the stained glass windows."

Lancelot59

Eh...I think I get it.

I get it...

FtlIsAwesome

A creeper divided by zero.

Borek

There are two rules that lead to a success:
1. Never say everything you know.

fuzzyfelt

I didn't get it the first time I clicked on this thread. Luckily I accidentally clicked on it again!