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Lame Jokes

by quddusaliquddus
Tags: jokes, lame
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Ivan Seeking
#2395
Jan22-13, 11:55 PM
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Quote Quote by jtbell View Post
How cold was it today? It was so cold that...

Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.

The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
It was so cold that a gaggle of ducks were frozen in place while paddling around a pond. And then they flew off with the pond!

Penguins were buying jackets

Cows were producing ice cream

"The Iceman Goeth" was released

Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.
Ivan Seeking
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Jan23-13, 12:01 AM
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This weather reminds me of my days of ice fishing. A lot of fun once you get set up but eventually I gave it up. Cutting the hole in the ice for the boat is just too much work.
Whovian
#2397
Jan23-13, 12:10 PM
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Quote Quote by Ivan Seeking View Post
Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.
jtbell
#2398
Jan23-13, 01:25 PM
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Quote Quote by Ivan Seeking View Post
Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.
Which tells you something about not only the weather, but also the state of university operating budgets.
jtbell
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Jan23-13, 05:09 PM
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This one is from a music forum:

Two bassoonists walk into a bar. One says "Did you hear about the Brazilian soldiers killed today?"

The other says "Jeez...that's TERRIBLE! Um...how many's in a brazillion?"

(actually, the bassoonists really should be violists, but the folks there were temporarily tired of viola jokes.)
HeLiXe
#2400
Jan26-13, 01:31 AM
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omg lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll jtbell that was the freakin best! *wipes off monitor*
jtbell
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Jan27-13, 11:34 PM
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Today I drove past a sign advertising a new sandwich shop called "Which Wich". (Apparently its sandwiches are highly customizable.)

I wonder if their waitresses dress up on Halloween and call themselves "Which Wich witches?"
lisab
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Jan30-13, 01:42 PM
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What do you call a deer that does not have eyes?

Spoiler
No-eye deer
Jimmy Snyder
#2403
Jan30-13, 05:16 PM
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What do you call a fish without any eyes?
Spoiler
fsh

Works better when spoken than when written.
Ibix
#2404
Jan30-13, 05:57 PM
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Quote Quote by lisab View Post
What do you call a deer that does not have eyes?

Spoiler
No-eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Spoiler
Still no eye deer.
Ivan Seeking
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Jan30-13, 07:34 PM
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Quote Quote by Ibix View Post
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Spoiler
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no legs and no head?

Spoiler
Ready for the BBQ
Drakkith
#2406
Jan30-13, 08:08 PM
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Quote Quote by Jimmy Snyder View Post
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
Spoiler
fsh

Works better when spoken than when written.
This joke is so lame I nearly went lame myself.
dkotschessaa
#2407
Jan31-13, 02:52 PM
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Punography

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
jtbell
#2408
Jan31-13, 03:05 PM
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Quote Quote by Jimmy Snyder View Post
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
Spoiler
fsh
My first thought was, "Is this some kind of Linux über-Geek joke? csh, ksh, zsh, psh, ..."
jtbell
#2409
Jan31-13, 03:07 PM
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Quote Quote by dkotschessaa View Post
When chemists die, they barium.
And while they're digging his grave, they chant, "Boron! Boron!"
QuarkCharmer
#2410
Jan31-13, 03:12 PM
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Quote Quote by dkotschessaa View Post
Punography

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I love these kinds of jokes!
Ibix
#2411
Feb1-13, 07:03 AM
P: 378
Quote Quote by jtbell View Post
Today I drove past a sign advertising a new sandwich shop called "Which Wich". (Apparently its sandwiches are highly customizable.)

I wonder if their waitresses dress up on Halloween and call themselves "Which Wich witches?"
That's been tickling my memory since I read it, and I finally tracked it down: Northern Exposure. Ed is talking to Dr. Joel Fleischman about his uncle:

ED: He is a doctor.
JOEL: Oh really? Which kind?
ED: Witch.
JOEL: Which which?
ED: Which what?
JOEL: Which doctor?
ED: Right.
jtbell
#2412
Feb1-13, 03:05 PM
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Now you've reminded me of a Get Smart episode featuring the detective Harry Hoo (a Charlie Chan parody). Max and the Chief see him, and the ensuing conversation goes something like:

Who he?
He Hoo.
Who?
[...]

I can't find it on the net anywhere yet, so I'll have to trawl through my DVD set to find the exact quote.


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