Lame Jokes

jtbell

Which tells you something about not only the weather, but also the state of university operating budgets.

jtbell

This one is from a music forum:

Two bassoonists walk into a bar. One says "Did you hear about the Brazilian soldiers killed today?"

The other says "Jeez...that's TERRIBLE! Um...how many's in a brazillion?"

(actually, the bassoonists really should be violists, but the folks there were temporarily tired of viola jokes.)

HeLiXe

omg lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll jtbell that was the freakin best! *wipes off monitor*

jtbell

Today I drove past a sign advertising a new sandwich shop called "Which Wich". (Apparently its sandwiches are highly customizable.)

I wonder if their waitresses dress up on Halloween and call themselves "Which Wich witches?"

lisab

What do you call a deer that does not have eyes?

Jimmy Snyder

What do you call a fish without any eyes?

Works better when spoken than when written.

Ibix

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Ivan Seeking

What do you call a deer with no legs and no head?

Drakkith

This joke is so lame I nearly went lame myself.

dkotschessaa

Punography

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

jtbell

My first thought was, "Is this some kind of Linux über-Geek joke? csh, ksh, zsh, psh, ..."

jtbell

And while they're digging his grave, they chant, "Boron! Boron!"

QuarkCharmer

I love these kinds of jokes!

Ibix

That's been tickling my memory since I read it, and I finally tracked it down: Northern Exposure. Ed is talking to Dr. Joel Fleischman about his uncle:

ED: He is a doctor.
JOEL: Oh really? Which kind?
ED: Witch.
JOEL: Which which?
ED: Which what?
JOEL: Which doctor?
ED: Right.

jtbell

Now you've reminded me of a Get Smart episode featuring the detective Harry Hoo (a Charlie Chan parody). Max and the Chief see him, and the ensuing conversation goes something like:

Who he?
He Hoo.
Who?
[...]

I can't find it on the net anywhere yet, so I'll have to trawl through my DVD set to find the exact quote.

Jimmy Snyder

Someone drilled a hole into the nudist colony fence. Police are looking into it.

jtbell

What do you get when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.