Bin Laden at the pearly gates
So when he got to the pearly gates, the first person to meet him was George Washington. "I'm known as the father of the country you hated", he said. And then beat the crap out of him. Then Patrick Henry came up and said, "I chose liberty, all you offered was death". And he bludgeoned him about the head and shoulders. Then it was James Madison. "I federated the national defense because I knew there would be people like you", and wholloped him up one side and down the other. Then there was James Monroe, John Randolph from down in Roanoke, and sixty some other folks that all gave him the same treatment. Finally, Tom Jefferson grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and said, "Now I'm going to take you where you belong".
"No!", says Bin Laden. "This can't be happening". "Something is very wrong". "This is not what I was promised!"
At that point St. Peter steps up and says, "I beg your pardon". "This IS what you were promised". "You were promised that when you got here there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you"