 Quote by Tweedle Dee
I know I’m missing something obvious but I just don’t see it. This is classical physics, not quantum, so the answer should be apparent to me. It’s not.
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Your question comes up a lot in the ideal gas law, and it's actually quite an important question because it gets to the heart of what equations mean in physics. An equation is just something that will be true, it doesn't say why it's true or come with some logical explanation-- you have to supply that yourself, and often it helps to rewrite the equation in a different form. For example, take the equation F=ma. This equation can also be written a = F/m, and it's the same equation mathematically, but note that it is "saying" something completely different in that form. Written F=ma, the equation seems to tell us that if you have a mass m, and you see an acceleration a, then there must be a net force F on the object. But if you write it a = F/m, it says that if you have a mass m, and impose a force F, you should expect an acceleration a = F/m. Note this second form is much more like a "cause and effect" explanation of the equation-- we don't say that having acceleration a "causes" force F to appear magically, we say that having a force F causes an acceleration a.
Now consider the ideal gas law. It is customary to write it PV=nRT, as you did, but this is not actually a very logically "cause and effect" kind of way to write it in most of the situations where it gets used. That's because n and T do not determine P and V in most situations. One common situation is when you have a container of fixed V with fixed n, and we control T and let P vary (say by keeping it in equilibrium with an environment at some T, this is called "isothermal"), then P = nRT/V. Another common situation is that we control P and let T and V vary (say with a piston, and insulate the container from any outside heat, this is called "adiabatic"), such that V/T= nR/P. This seems to be the case you are imagining, but note that is no problem with V decreasing when T increases, because this is all accomplished by an even larger increase in P. Here you need a second constraint, coming from conservation of energy, to determine how V and T behave-- the ideal gas law only tells you how V/T behaves. So the "cause and effect" is that P increases cause V/T to decrease, but conservation of energy is what causes V and T to go in opposite directions.
Incidentally, a place where a similar question emerges is in the Earth's atmosphere. Students notice that the T drops as you go up, but the density n/V also drops, and this doesn't make sense to them because the ideal gas law seems to say n/V is inversely proportional to T. But that assumes P stays fixed, and the real "cause and effect" logic of the ideal gas law in the atmosphere emerges when we write it n/V = P/RT. Both P and T are set by other processes in the atmosphere, and the ideal gas law is just an equation for the density n/V, which responds to P and T in such a way that the small decrease in T is overwhelmed by the large decrease in P, and n/V drops as you go up.