Can a simple can of Spaghettios lead to a heroic tale of injury and revenge?

[Drakkith]

My version of events: Man receives horrifying injury battling super villain. Carries fourteen babies from burning building in remaining arm.

Actual events: Man cuts hand on can of spaghettios. Vows revenge.

 

[jtbell]

Uh-oh! Spaghettios!



Now I'm trying to find that commercial with a snooty guy talking about "fower" kinds of Franco-American spaghetti...

 

[zoobyshoe]

Spaghettios are dangerous on so many levels.

 

[Bandersnatch]

The Fall of Man

Dramatis pesonae:
Man-man: the manly man of manhood, son of man.
Can-man: the villainous brother of Tin-man. Holder of spaghettios.
Spaghettios: the hostages of Can-man.
Holly: the holy can opener of Hollywood.

Act I, scene 1:
(a kitchen room; Can-man holding Spaghettios)
(enter Man-man)
Man-man: Finally we meet, Can-man! Release the hostages at once!
Can-man (laughing evilly): Man-man, you are no match for my metallic armour.
Man-man: Maybe not, but behold! (brandishes a can opener)
Can-man (cowering): Oh no! It's Holly, the holy weapon of Hollywood.
Holly: This is my only line in this play.
Can-man (on a side): Ha! The foolish Man-man doesn't know I'm in cahoots with Holly ever since we met on a production line in the factory of our youth.
Man-man: I shall turn you into a Can't-man (strikes the Can-man)
Spaghettios: Deliver us from this dark place!
Can-man: Oh no! I am undone. (on a side): Hehehe, just a bit more...
Spaghettios: Watch out!
Man-man (cutting himself on the sharp lid): By golly! Blood, so much blood.
Can-man: I triumph! Your precious Spaghettios are now tainted with your blood. They have turned evil!
Spaghettios: Muhahaha! We are evil.
Man-man (falling on his knees; doing the Platoon pose): Noooooooooooo! Curse you, Can-man. You have bested me this time, but I shall have my revenge!
(exit Man-man)
Can-man (cackling): Bring it on, Man-man. You know where to find me. Come, my evil minions, let us return to our dark abode.
(Exeunt)

 

[russ_watters]

Funny name for a supervillain - and I assume "can" is slang for unobtanium armour, on which you cut your hand while tearing it from his body?

 

[berkeman]

Any stitches? Hope you cleaned and disinfected it well...

 

[Borg]

Aren't you supposed to give thanks to the FSM before releasing his offspring?

 

[lisab]

Aren't you supposed to give thanks to the FSM before releasing his offspring?

He didn't - and look what happened!

 

[Drakkith]

Any stitches? Hope you cleaned and disinfected it well...

Yeah, I called a coworker who lives like 3 minutes away and he brought over his first aid kit. (I was unprepared for injury and had nothing at hand!) Washed it out and used hydrogen peroxide and neosporin before bandaging.

 

[Drakkith]

Aren't you supposed to give thanks to the FSM before releasing his offspring?

But I have his insignia stuck to my truck's tailgate! Isn't that enough?!

 

[berkeman]

Yeah, I called a coworker who lives like 3 minutes away and he brought over his first aid kit. (I was unprepared for injury and had nothing at hand!) Washed it out and used hydrogen peroxide and neosporin before bandaging.

Nice! That's exactly what I would have done for you. I'm assuming the cut was short/shallow enough to not need stitches. Lesson learned!

 

[Drakkith]

Nice! That's exactly what I would have done for you. I'm assuming the cut was short/shallow enough to not need stitches. Lesson learned!

I guess so. It was closed up by the next morning.

 

[Drakkith]

Looking at this picture now, two days after the incident, the big bandage makes my injury look WAAAY worse than it actually was. The cut is only about an inch long, but when it happened I had no idea how deep it was and I had no medical supplies of any kind. I hadn't had a cut more severe than a paper cut in years. Heck, I still had my thumb over it to staunch the bleeding when I called my coworker. And when you've just sliced your skin open for the first time in several years, your ability to accurately judge distances goes right out the window.

 

[Borg]

And when you've just sliced your skin open for the first time in several years, your ability to accurately judge distances goes right out the window.

My hands have been carved up more times than a Christmas ham. If it happens in the garage, I usually just slap some duct tape on it and keep working.

 

[Drakkith]

My hands have been carved up more times than a Christmas ham. If it happens in the garage, I usually just slap some duct tape on it and keep working.

I worked several years of maintenance, so I know what it feels like to get your hand/fingers pinched, poked, blistered, stabbed, and rubbed raw.

 

[Borg]

I worked several years of maintenance, so I know what it feels like to get your hand/fingers pinched, poked, blistered, stabbed, and rubbed raw.

I guess you're just out of practice.

 

[Ibix]

I cut my thumb on a can on Thursday - much smaller than Drakkith's cut - but my muttered curses attracted the attention of my five year old, who wanted to help. Long story short, I spent Thursday evening wearing a Spiderman plaster. I only narrowly avoided wearing one to work on Friday.