Is It Acceptable to Avoid Social Interaction Entirely?

[MathJakob]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

 

[Mentallic]

Well, I do, but then again I don't have Aspergers so I don't have the right to judge. Have you tried finding people to develop a friendship with that have similar social anxieties as you or are sympathetic with your condition?

 

[MathJakob]

Well the problem is I don't know anybody who is interested in physics, cosmology or math and although I have little experience with these subjects, I talk about them all the time online, I watch videos and try to read books. I love the subjects. I guess it would be nice to have a few people who I could sit down and have a conversation with but once I start feeling trapped and claustrophobic I'd ask them to leave and people take that as me being rude.

It's so much easier to talk online and forums and as you can talk back and fourth with people about your favorite subejcts without having to worry about the problems that come with face to face discussion. People often tell me that I need to make friends but I like being by myself. Can I live a successful life without friends?

 

[Ryan_m_b]

If that's what makes you happy then I don't see anything wrong with it. So long as you are actually happy and not trying to convince yourself you are.

 

[MathJakob]

If that's what makes you happy then I don't see anything wrong with it. So long as you are actually happy and not trying to convince yourself you are.

I've been without a single friend sinse I was 12, I know I'm happiest when I'm alone. It's when I'm around others that I feel on edge, anxious and trapped.

 

[hilbert2]

I have Aspergers too, and I have only one friend I could see in my free time (he's a guy I've known for over 10 years, we represented Finland in the International Chemistry Olympiad when we were 19). My other "friends" are just guys from work. I've never had a girlfriend, even though I'm already 31 years old. Sometimes when I've been drinking too much alcohol, I might go to a pub and try to "socialize", which sometimes leads to me doing stupid things like buying sex from prostitutes or even getting in fights.

Don't you have an Aspergers support group in your area? You could meet other autism spectrum people in there.

 

[jduster]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

I have Aspergers as well and I totally understand where you are coming from.

IMO, the easy way out is not the best solution in the long run. I've been rejected, outcasted, bullied, defriended, been given weird looks, gone through lots of friendships, gotten in nasty arguments and so on. In the end, each of these painful experiences taught me a lesson so that now I can talk to people freely. And now I have flexibility. Some days I might just want to come home from work and stay home alone playing video games the whole day, but whenever I need to, I can make friends and find people to talk to.

So yeah, you can isolate yourself if you want. You won't experience any pain, but you won't learn much either. And in 5 years from now, you'll say to yourself that you're still in the same position you were years ago and you could have improved but you didn't.

It's your choice.

 

[jmeps]

Wrong way to live? No such thing. Don't know where I picked this up or where it came from, people are overrated. Sometime, you tolerate people just to be nice. but if you have something to say, consider the "audience" and say it. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Usually works for me. Good luck and have fun with it.

 

[krash661]

" Is it ok to be a social recluse? "

i am,
i live a secluded life, I'm a very private person
but i also supposidly have social anxiety disorder.

also, refer to my signature :)

 

[KC_Smallz]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

I can't really relate to part of your problem because
1.) I don't have aspergers
2.) I don't have an issue making friends

But, I will say that, you should do what makes you happy (so long as it is not detrimental to yourself or others). You only get one life, and it is your time to spend.

On the other hand I can relate to your problem of no one being interested in the same type of things as you, and never having a girlfriend. Both of these things really get to me.

To end this sort of jumbled mess of thoughts, I will say that I do you are currently living your life in a "bad" way.

 

[KC_Smallz]

My apologies it was someone else who mentioned not having a girlfriend.

 

[KC_Smallz]

That was supposed to be I do NOT think that you are currently living your life in a bad way.

 

[Enigman]

Really don't think so (I am one myself partly ); But being a recluse usually will invite antagonism and ridicule. Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) . But then forcing yourself to mingle will probably cause undue emotional distress. I am not an aspergian so I can't give any great advice; only this do not avoid people but don't chase after them too. When people talk to you and you have no idea how to respond in my experience smilling really shuts them up after a while.
When they say something which hurts just take a cold scientific view of a carbon based biological machine wasting their energy in creating waves in the atmosphere to get a release of chemicals which make them feel better about themselves.(I was joking by the way, but the method sometimes works a miracle...)
Regards
I wish you strength (luck to me is an obsolete concept .)

 

[WannabeNewton]

It's just a TV show man, calm down. No need to get overly sensitive over an innocent TV show.

Jakob, just do whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't end you up on Law and Order )

 

[Enigman]

It's just a TV show man, calm down. No need to get overly sensitive over an innocent TV show.

Jakob, just do whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't end you up on Law and Order )

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

 

[micromass]

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

OK, the big bang theory is just a TV show. You can't compare it with a systematic annihalation of an entire race and religion during the 1930's and 1940's.

Second, teenagers always found it cool to ridicule and insult people who are different. This was so before the big bang theory and it is so after it. Saying that a TV show causes it is the same as saying that video games cause violence and war. It doesn't.

 

[Evo]

Really don't think so (I am one myself partly ); But being a recluse usually will invite antagonism and ridicule. Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) . But then forcing yourself to mingle will probably cause undue emotional distress. I am not an aspergian so I can't give any great advice; only this do not avoid people but don't chase after them too. When people talk to you and you have no idea how to respond in my experience smilling really shuts them up after a while.
When they say something which hurts just take a cold scientific view of a carbon based biological machine wasting their energy in creating waves in the atmosphere to get a release of chemicals which make them feel better about themselves.(I was joking by the way, but the method sometimes works a miracle...)
Regards
I wish you strength (luck to me is an obsolete concept .)

You don't understand people with asperger's, so you really shouldn't reply. I know several personally and they are much happier not having to deal with social garbage.

It is absolutely fine to not socialize. People with aspergers have a real problem socializing and if they don't want to do it, they shouldn't.

 

[WannabeNewton]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

 

[Enigman]

Wrong way to live? No such thing. Don't know where I picked this up or where it came from, people are overrated. Sometime, you tolerate people just to be nice. but if you have something to say, consider the "audience" and say it. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Usually works for me. Good luck and have fun with it.

That is really good advice...in my oppinion.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) .

No. Sheldon doesn't exhibit Asperger's. He is a thing unto himself. Unlike Aspies, he can make significant eye contact, and he also has a sardonic sense of humor that demonstrates an understanding of social interactions most Aspies don't have. His conversation has pretty good give and take: he allows others proper room to respond, and can adapt when the subject is changed. He's otherwise a very strange and peculiar character, but it's not due to Asperger's.

It's also not part and parcel of Asperger's to be a recluse. I've met several Aspies in coffeehouses where they go specifically looking for social interaction, and a fair percentage of Aspies end up in bars. I think the ones who become recluses have an additional problem, some anxiety disorder or social phobia tacked onto the Asperger's. It is very frequently "co-morbid" as the psychiatric term goes, with other problems: OCD, OCPD, Tourettes, seizures, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, ADD, ADHD.

 

[reenmachine]

I've turned into somewhat of a recluse slowly but surely between 14-26 years old.I'm not a total recluse though , I socialize once in a while but I clearly spend most of my time completely alone.

I don't think it's a good way for me to be profoundly happy , but it's a way to get through life while being myself.

The scary thing in all of this is ageing.I'm sure I will not think the same way at 45 years old , and then at 70 years old...What happens if I lived like a complete recluse until I'm 70 years old , and then I start to regret? Start to lose my edge , start to lose my health? Who is there to take care of me , emotionnally at least? I probably don't have children.Are my parents still alive? My whole world as I knew it coming to an end? So scary to think about.

 

[Enigman]

No. Sheldon doesn't exhibit Asperger's. He is a thing unto himself. Unlike Aspies, he can make significant eye contact, and he also has a sardonic sense of humor that demonstrates an understanding of social interactions most Aspies don't have. His conversation has pretty good give and take: he allows others proper room to respond, and can adapt when the subject is changed. He's otherwise a very strange and peculiar character, but it's not due to Asperger's.

It's also not part and parcel of Asperger's to be a recluse. I've met several Aspies in coffeehouses where they go specifically looking for social interaction, and a fair percentage of Aspies end up in bars. I think the ones who become recluses have an additional problem, some anxiety disorder or social phobia tacked onto the Asperger's. It is very frequently "co-morbid" as the psychiatric term goes, with other problems: OCD, OCPD, Tourettes, seizures, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, ADD, ADHD.

Sheldon doesn't have aspergers? Then he really must have been sent by the aliens as an experiment to see if they can integrate with the human lifeforms... (Jakob , for reference that was a joke too and appologies for veering of the post)
But you would have to admit if Sheldon didn't show atleast a semblance of normalcy (w.r.t. the non aspergian crowd) the show wouldn't be as entertaining as it is.
Also as far as my limited knowledge goes humour and aspergers is not mutually exclusive; though I have seen Sheldon saying anything that he ever meant to be funny and not comment proudly that that was a joke or sarcasm as if he had achieved a great feat...

 

[Enigman]

OK, the big bang theory is just a TV show. You can't compare it with a systematic annihalation of an entire race and religion during the 1930's and 1940's.
... Saying that a TV show causes it is the same as saying that video games cause violence and war. It doesn't.

I was just pointing out that innocent things can have very huge consequences. No, I agree teens don't need a reason to ridicule people but they also don't need a show that approves of it. I don't know if video games cause violence (actually the sugestions seem infantile) but would you disagree that things like onscreen smoking promotes the same in those who see it as cool?

Evo- did you read my post? I too hate being in social company and social garbage as you put it. But is running away in plain sight really the answer. Its like running away after a dog sees you - its bound to chase you- best avoid meeting the dog or walk calmly infront of it. And I perfectly agree with you even though you really don't seem to agree with me.

WannabeNewton- all teens I hang out with (when I am in the mood) are perfectly alright and great guys and gals and you really shouldn't insult them. The people I was talking about do not move in my circles, but you just have to google cyber bullying to get plenty of examples

 

[MathJakob]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

Thanks for your advice :) I was never bullied or made fun of at school, all the other students just left me alone to do my own thing although I was referred to a couple of times as "the weird loner kid". Forums are great because I can talk to like minded people and the things I enjoy, learn new stuff and all the while I don't have to put up with the typical gossip/chit chat.

Thanks again

 

[Crake2]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

Are you seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? What does your doctor have to say about it?

That may be, obviously, private information, and as such, you are in no obligation to answer.

 

[StrayCatalyst]

If the way you live makes you happy, and you aren't getting in trouble for it, it's okay. I know many people with some degree of Aspberger's, and a few who are further along the autism spectrum - some are recluses, others have small circles of friends.

If you're looking for a semi-social group where you can discuss math, physics, and the like, check if there's a chapter of Mensa in your area. Not all chapters are the same, but the vast majority of them are a good place for bright people to meet, without being judged for their social skills.

 

[1MileCrash]

It's not how I live, but I don't think it is wrong nor would I judge you negatively for it.

 

[jduster]

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

And overreaction award of the year goes to. I'm an Aspie and I'm not offended by the Big Bang Theory. And people I know who aren't Aspies have told me that they like Sheldon and yeah, he's a rather positive portrayal.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

 

[Enigman]

And overreaction award of the year goes to. I'm an Aspie and I'm not offended by the Big Bang Theory. And people I know who aren't Aspies have told me that they like Sheldon and yeah, he's a rather positive portrayal.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

Yessss! Finally after all these years and emense hardwork I finally nailed this award
(Sheldon proudly points this out to be sarcasm...)
On a more serious note I am more concerned the narrow mindness that this might promote.
I had a friend (brilliant in chess:D ; messed up neuro motor controls:( ) a few years junior to me in school who had to face a lot of social stigma hence my soreness about the topic. Wonder where he is now...?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sheldon doesn't have aspergers?

Correct.

Then he really must have been sent by the aliens as an experiment to see if they can integrate with the human lifeforms... (Jakob , for reference that was a joke too and appologies for veering of the post)

Sheldon is very weird, but weird does not equal Asperger's. People with Asperger's have a specific range of traits. Sheldon's weirdness is from outside that range. I don't believe anyone quite like Sheldon actually exists in Nature. He's the 'designed-by-committee' artificial creation of some TV writers and an actor. He is a geek, to be sure, but geek also does not equal Asperger's.

But you would have to admit if Sheldon didn't show atleast a semblance of normalcy (w.r.t. the non aspergian crowd) the show wouldn't be as entertaining as it is.

The trouble with your argument here is that Sheldon is not more normal than someone with Asperger's, he's an order of magnitude weirder than anyone I've ever met with Asperger's.

Also as far as my limited knowledge goes humour and aspergers is not mutually exclusive; though I have seen Sheldon saying anything that he ever meant to be funny and not comment proudly that that was a joke or sarcasm as if he had achieved a great feat...

A lot of Aspies have a very active sense of humor. Sheldon, however, throw out little "asides", little commentary joke lines that demonstrate he has a much more sophisticated insight into human nature than you'd expect from someone with Asperger's. It's not the fact he's joking, it's the nature of the humor. It's too socially sophisticated.

 

[Chronos]

I hate asparagus. Seriously, you probably fear social criticism. The world is full of people who get their jollies by making fun of others to compensate for their own insecurity. Me, I fear telemarketers.

 

[HayleySarg]

We're constantly being told how to live our lives. How we should dress, what we should eat, where we should go, what kind of house we should buy, when and who we should marry, what we should study, etc.

The smart ones ignore this constant bombardment of social advice. What's so different about being less than sociable? We're told we have to be social, that it's the norm, but really, it doesn't matter as long as it doesn't impact you from getting what you want out of life. And what we want out of life is incredibly individualized.

I'm sorry people are being terrible to you, it seems though that it's the way of things. Humans picking on other humans about things that don't really matter.

 

[turbo]

I am a social recluse, but not out of choice. My physical reactions to fragrance chemicals make it nearly impossible to be near others, unless there is a steady breeze and I can stay upwind. People who don't know me might find that strange, but people who do know me and have a clue understand. I don't dislike people, but I certainly dislike being incapacitated with migraines, breathing problems, and arthritis in my knees and feet for days after exposure. I live in the woods. I wish we'd had the money to buy a much larger plot and put our house in the middle of it. Dryer-vents cripple me.

 

[Mk]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

Just because other people have difficulty relating with you, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Using the random mass of people you happen to be geographically born into is a horrible standard of wrong or right ways to live.

It is your responsibility though, to learn how to not piss other people off because you don't understand them and the things that bother them. We are here to share this sudden gift of life, not accidentally ruin it all the time. Try as hard as you can to share your unique gift, and accept and understand the unique skills and abilities of other people around you. This, essentially, is the relatedness which you seek.

If other people do not accept and understand you very easily, so be it. What's more important is that YOU accept and understand who you are. After this happens, a flood of opportunities open up. You will be more able see that we all come from different circumstances, and with that diversity of form comes incredible potential for creativity, loneliness, and love.

 

[lendav_rott]

I don't have Asperger's, so I'm out of my element really. Wrong or right are just words. Personally, I would find it irritating that it can be so bleeding difficult to talk to someone, you say something, trying to get the conversation going, but it just won't happen - then again I can understand if someone seeks solitude.
My last bit was edited, so I figured a more polite way to express it:
Remember Newton's 3rd Law - If you won't cross them, they won't cross you.

 

[Mk]

If wrong and right are just words, then why do you care about how the conversation goes?

 

[member 392791]

I am somewhat anti-social as well. I prefer to be alone usually to being in groups, and I particularly dislike doing "group activities", they always feel awkward and unproductive to me. I don't mind having one on one dialogue with people though. I don't think it's good for the psyche to be a social recluse for too long, it must have some effects on it that are probably negative.

So the takeaway is to have social interactions, but you don't have to go out every weekend with a group of friends if you don't want to. It can be nice to have good company

 

[KevinDM]

I have Aspergers as well. I often find myself burying myself in endless sheets of graph paper to avoid conversation. And conversation that I do have with my few friends is often short and exhausting. I'm unintentionally cut off mid-sentence so often, that I eventually give up. Then I put in headphones for the sake of drowning out the constant "Did you hear what [PERSON 1] said about [PERSON 2]?" And "So how 'bout them [INSERT RELEVANT SPORTS TEAM]?"

Although I would like to say that I'm happy in my own thoughts, there've been resent studies that suggest that a hormone released during social/intimate interactions reduces stress. I honestly don't think a study was necessary to tell me that occasionally being hugged/kissed/spoken to alleviates the thumping headache caused by high school. The moral of the story is that if you're female, and see a seemingly heterosexual male nerd, hug him. Or just strike up a friendly conversation. (Note: works with an sex of any sexual orientation)

 

[Guy passing by]

Of course there is people happy being alone. Social withdrawal is a bad thing when you are a recluse because of insecurity. So , the insecurity hold you from making what you wish , and people in this conditions usually are unhappy. I force myself to lose any social interation fear. Life is such a precious thing, and can be so beautifull when you live it fully. Being yourself without fearing people's opinion is much better than making a life full of regrets and than recognizing you could had lived much better. Never neglect your hapiness.

 

[reenmachine]

People are always second-guessing social recluses , loners , introverted people , and I think it's about time we call out the social , extroverted people.What's so enjoyable about being with a crowd of people where no intelligent conversation can survive for very long due to the variety in interests , intelligence level , knowledge? What's so fun in having to follow social rules , having to hide a part of yourself to "fit in"? What's so lovely about people and their unpredictable behavior? What's so great about the fact people that are naturally more respected due to physical appearence or other similar factors will always convince the group more easily and control it no matter if they are right or wrong? What's so attractive about being in an environnement where emotions and their unwritten rules are running the show?

Now of course not all groups are created equal and if you can find a group of people sharing your interests the situation can be better , but here I'm talking about people that will socialize no matter which situation they are put into.

 

[Mockingjay]

The problem is not that you are a social recluse, but rather that YOU see it as a problem which in turn has a bad effect on your personal confidence. People are usually scared to talk to other people because of the fear that they of not being liked and thus rejected, so if you don't even like yourself you won't think anyone will like you.

No being a recluse isn't bad, as a matter of fact during my time being a recluse I gained so much confidence in myself and discovered who I really was without all these outside opinions.

In the end though there is nothing wrong with being a recluse, you might learn a lot from it, and it's not forever once you do.

 

[Regtic]

I have Aspergers as well and I totally understand where you are coming from.

IMO, the easy way out is not the best solution in the long run. I've been rejected, outcasted, bullied, defriended, been given weird looks, gone through lots of friendships, gotten in nasty arguments and so on. In the end, each of these painful experiences taught me a lesson so that now I can talk to people freely. And now I have flexibility. Some days I might just want to come home from work and stay home alone playing video games the whole day, but whenever I need to, I can make friends and find people to talk to.

So yeah, you can isolate yourself if you want. You won't experience any pain, but you won't learn much either. And in 5 years from now, you'll say to yourself that you're still in the same position you were years ago and you could have improved but you didn't.

It's your choice.

How do you get over rejection, fear of painful experiences and so on? I often avoid meeting new people because I'm scared of rejection and due to more complicated reasons, I can never truly be myself around others. Because of this I often prefer to be alone and I know it's a terrible plan in the long run. I should be meeting new people and learning how to socialize with different kinds of people. I find that although I have a good sense of humor, I'm kind of a serious person and I don't like small talk. All of this mixed with a bit of social anxiety makes it impossible to develop new relationships.

 

[Psinter]

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

I don't think it is a wrong way to live if it doesn't stress you. If it stresses you to wait for your housemate to go so you can actually eat, then it is a wrong way to live. Or at least you have to escape to a place in which you don't have to hide and be caused stress because of it. I'm not telling you to change but to improve your life quality by moving to a place where you can be who you are. I repeat: If it doesn't cause you stress, there is no need to change.

http://favim.com/image/1215821/]After[/PLAIN] changing to fit into society, you are eventually going to want your old self back sooner or later.

And I agree. In fact psychologist shouldn't try to change a person who is happy living alone into a social person for the stress may actually cause stress-related diseases that may in the end reduce the patient's lifetime.

 

[Lavabug]

How do you get over rejection, fear of painful experiences and so on? I often avoid meeting new people because I'm scared of rejection and due to more complicated reasons, I can never truly be myself around others. Because of this I often prefer to be alone and I know it's a terrible plan in the long run. I should be meeting new people and learning how to socialize with different kinds of people. I find that although I have a good sense of humor, I'm kind of a serious person and I don't like small talk. All of this mixed with a bit of social anxiety makes it impossible to develop new relationships.

IME, you don't. Well, you can, but only really up to a point. More for some, less for others. The amount of positive and negative experiences you have interacting with other people throughout your life will either etch away at that fear or further solidify your insecurities, respectively. Unless you manage to convince yourself that some negative experiences are not due to your own shortcomings but that of the people treating you poorly, but that takes a bit of an ego which you probably don't have to start with.

Your only goal should be to avoid people who think like this:

Don't really have much tolerance for social ineptitude - interesting people generally are competent enough to at least socially interact correctly.

and not avoid (or *gasp* approach) people who think like this:

I find people interesting, and a weird person is no exception.

I would say that I get interested, but rather, I find such people interesting, and I'd treat them as though they were not 'weird'.

I'm not sure about the 4th option. It's not that I don't care, because I care about anyone and everyone I encounter, but rather I'm not alarmed, or i.e., I'm not concerned.

IME, this practically translates to not making much if any friends below the age of 30. Your teens and 20's are almost guaranteed to suck if you are not a social butterfly.

If you want to put yourself in uncomfortable situations that stress yourself out, at least make sure the benefits wholly outweigh the drawbacks for you. Living with constant anxiety is not healthy. I've managed to pull it off for getting work and going to school, one year of which was done in a city that is ~10-million strong. It is actually not that bad. In fact I think it's about as almost easy as living in total solitude since in mega-cities most people keep to themselves if you avoid social events altogether.

 

[jim hardy]

How do you get over rejection, fear of painful experiences and so on? I often avoid meeting new people because I'm scared of rejection and due to more complicated reasons, I can never truly be myself around others. Because of this I often prefer to be alone and I know it's a terrible plan in the long run. I should be meeting new people and learning how to socialize with different kinds of people. I find that although I have a good sense of humor, I'm kind of a serious person and I don't like small talk. All of this mixed with a bit of social anxiety makes it impossible to develop new relationships.

How do you get over rejection ? Make a joke of it. I used to say , with firmness and authority "I can handle rejection" then bury my face in the crook of my arm and wail out an exaggerated "Arrghh ah-boo hoo hoo".

To be more serious about it, you'll find out an awfully large proportion of people have the same feelings .. You're really not atypical. And you're okay;; when you discover that you'll suddenly become more comfortable in a crowd. It's okay to be a quiet person.

I'd suggest a public speaking course, maybe at local community college adult education. Public speaking works wonders for people's self confidence. Sorta like old Demosthenes - he forced himself to do what was difficult for him and became famously good at it.

 

[Regtic]

How do you get over rejection ? Make a joke of it. I used to say , with firmness and authority "I can handle rejection" then bury my face in the crook of my arm and wail out an exaggerated "Arrghh ah-boo hoo hoo".

To be more serious about it, you'll find out an awfully large proportion of people have the same feelings .. You're really not atypical. And you're okay;; when you discover that you'll suddenly become more comfortable in a crowd. It's okay to be a quiet person.

I'd suggest a public speaking course, maybe at local community college adult education. Public speaking works wonders for people's self confidence. Sorta like old Demosthenes - he forced himself to do what was difficult for him and became famously good at it.

I'm able to be confident about certain things. Like about a week ago I was doing a presentation on a biology lab report for part of my comprehensive examination for my D.E.C (CEGEP thing), and I was totally able to talk in front of the class and answer questions. I just presented my results naturally while he rest of my group had a hard time doing so. They were all a lot more social-able than me and seemed like they all had pretty healthy social lives yet they relied on cue cards and were really nervous in front of others. I'm a good public speaker, I am confident in my ideas, I'm just terribly insecure about my social skills.

I don't want to turn this into a blog but I've had periods in my life where I have been able to be confident about my ability to socialize but they were all temporary delusions about myself that allowed me to feel confident. I can put on a mask if I need to, to appear normal, but this doesn't last very long. Eventually people realize that I'm terribly disinterested in socializing with them. The problem here is that I do get lonely sometimes and it will only get worse as I get older. I'm only 19. I've been debating on speaking to a psychologist or not but that stuff is expensive and I'm only going to be working minimum wage this summer.

 

[Lavabug]

I'm able to be confident about certain things. Like about a week ago I was doing a presentation on a biology lab report for part of my comprehensive examination for my D.E.C (CEGEP thing), and I was totally able to talk in front of the class and answer questions. I just presented my results naturally while he rest of my group had a hard time doing so. They were all a lot more social-able than me and seemed like they all had pretty healthy social lives yet they relied on cue cards and were really nervous in front of others. I'm a good public speaker, I am confident in my ideas, I'm just terribly insecure about my social skills.

I don't want to turn this into a blog but I've had periods in my life where I have been able to be confident about my ability to socialize but they were all temporary delusions about myself that allowed me to feel confident. I can put on a mask if I need to, to appear normal, but this doesn't last very long. Eventually people realize that I'm terribly disinterested in socializing with them. The problem here is that I do get lonely sometimes and it will only get worse as I get older. I'm only 19. I've been debating on speaking to a psychologist or not but that stuff is expensive and I'm only going to be working minimum wage this summer.

Does your school have psychological services available? I don't mean to sound alarmist or anything, but I would take advantage of it sooner than later, before your social anxiety develops into something worse (very usually depression). I finally got around to seeing one at the age of 26 and a good deal of my character was already set in by then, so there are aspects that I am stunted for life in. The earlier you address it, the better, as you may have realized putting up a facade only gets you so far (and IME, the approach has diminishing returns).

 

[Regtic]

Does your school have psychological services available? I don't mean to sound alarmist or anything, but I would take advantage of it sooner than later, before your social anxiety develops into something worse (very usually depression). I finally got around to seeing one at the age of 26 and a good deal of my character was already set in by then, so there are aspects that I am stunted for life in. The earlier you address it, the better, as you may have realized putting up a facade only gets you so far (and IME, the approach has diminishing returns).

I have no idea, probably not. Cegep's are practically free and are really a bridge between uni and high school over here. I don't really feel comfortable seeing someone for that who is tied to my school either. I wouldn't ever want to run into that person or have to make incredibly awkward small talk in line at the cafeteria or in the atrium, etc. I wouldn't want anyone to know about it either. And this might be my avoidant personality talking, but I feel that if my mom knew that I was going to see a psychologist it would stress her out and she would most likely tell other people. She's doing radiation right now and doesn't need more things to worry about. The weird thing about when I get depressed is that I never really feel sad. I just get really numb. I don't mean to sound like a sociopath, I think I'm a morally upstanding person. I'm just a bit emotionally stunted because of some stuff that I went through when I was younger.

What was your experience like with your psychologist? Was it beneficial to you? You sound like you weren't satisfied with the results, but would it really have been better if you went when you were 19?

 

[Lavabug]

I have no idea, probably not. Cegep's are practically free and are really a bridge between uni and high school over here. I don't really feel comfortable seeing someone for that who is tied to my school either. I wouldn't ever want to run into that person or have to make incredibly awkward small talk in line at the cafeteria or in the atrium, etc. I wouldn't want anyone to know about it either. And this might be my avoidant personality talking, but I feel that if my mom knew that I was going to see a psychologist it would stress her out and she would most likely tell other people. She's doing radiation right now and doesn't need more things to worry about. The weird thing about when I get depressed is that I never really feel sad. I just get really numb. I don't mean to sound like a sociopath, I think I'm a morally upstanding person. I'm just a bit emotionally stunted because of some stuff that I went through when I was younger.

What was your experience like with your psychologist? Was it beneficial to you? You sound like you weren't satisfied with the results, but would it really have been better if you went when you were 19?

Psychologists are sensible people. If they ever see you outside of therapy sessions they have the sense to not engage in small-talk with you unless you request it, much less tell anyone about it. They're all too familiar with the stigma that goes with visiting a shrink.

The experience with a therapist is largely what you make of it. It is important to have realistic expectations of what you'll get out of it. For me the net effect was positive, I hope it did not sound like I was dissatisfied.

It did not cure anything by itself and neither did medication, but the combination of both with a lot of reflection with a pen and paper did yield a better living situation than what I had going into it. My self-esteem is roughly the same, but I have noticed that I'm a lot more comfortable with being socially retarded and don't worry as much about how I am perceived because of it. Which helps in making day to day life more tolerable. I regained some of the hobbies and joys of life that I had completely lost for a good portion of a year (music, exercise and video games), I think that is a good thing.

It may have been better had I sought out help earlier, but I really don't know, no sense in dwelling on that now. There are still things I yearn for like some female attention for instance, nearing 30 and never having gone on a date sucks. But that is neither here nor there and more than likely to interfere with my career ambitions, which I am pretty hard-headed about at this stage.

 

[Regtic]

Psychologists are sensible people. If they ever see you outside of therapy sessions they have the sense to not engage in small-talk with you unless you request it, much less tell anyone about it. They're all too familiar with the stigma that goes with visiting a shrink.

The experience with a therapist is largely what you make of it. It is important to have realistic expectations of what you'll get out of it. For me the net effect was positive, I hope it did not sound like I was dissatisfied.

It did not cure anything by itself and neither did medication, but the combination of both with a lot of reflection with a pen and paper did yield a better living situation than what I had going into it. My self-esteem is roughly the same, but I have noticed that I'm a lot more comfortable with being socially retarded and don't worry as much about how I am perceived because of it. Which helps in making day to day life more tolerable. I regained some of the hobbies and joys of life that I had completely lost for a good portion of a year (music, exercise and video games), I think that is a good thing.

It may have been better had I sought out help earlier, but I really don't know, no sense in dwelling on that now. There are still things I yearn for like some female attention for instance, nearing 30 and never having gone on a date sucks. But that is neither here nor there and more than likely to interfere with my career ambitions, which I am pretty hard-headed about at this stage.

Lol this is basically my situation but I'm a little younger. I wouldn't give a damn if I didn't have have any social skills if I could have a girlfriend without them. The main reason I feel obligated to learn how to socialize and meet new people is so that I can get a girlfriend. I have people I can hang out with if I wanted to, I just haven't been hanging out with them nearly at all because I don't need to anymore since they have their own new college friends. I just want that female attention so I feel bad that my lifestyle is putting me down a path where it's going to make it hard for me to feel satisfied in that respect. Of course I want to become a great physicist, but my primary ambition is to have the family that I once had when I was little.