I am just trying to take the gentleman's question seriously. If we want the set AxB of ordered pairs to satisfy the usual requirements of a categorical product, then we need to define not just ordered pairs, but also maps AxB--A and AxB-->B so that there is a one-one correspondence between maps X-->AxB and (ordered) pairs of maps X-->A and X-->B. To do this we have to show how to recover the element of A from (a,b) and the element of B. Since A and B may overlap this is equivalent to recovering the first, and second elements.
I am not saying this is hard or abstruse, just that it is part of the data of ordered pairs, and is usually ignored.
I.e. the "first" element of {{a},{a,b}} can be recovered as the unique element of the intersection of two "elements" {a} and {a,b} of (a,b).
Then there are two cases for recovering the second element. If the union of the two elements {a} and {a,b} equals the intersection, the second element also equals the unique element of that intersection. If the union {a,b} of the two elements of (a,b), itself has two elements, then the second element of (a,b) is the unique element of the difference, i.e. of
{a,b} - {a}, the union minus the intersection.
This then defines both maps AxB-->A, and AxB-->B and makes AxB into a categorical product.
To the OP, sorry if this does not help, just trying to give some honest thought to your question of how to recover the familiar concept from the abstract. The set theory experts are of course not challenged by this. I just enjoy it when someone makes me think of something I hadn't thought about before, especially in regard to a familiar object.