Is there a bias against fathers in the court system and society?

[BobG]

This is a little late, but who could have guessed how upset people could get over a Father's Day speech - especially divorced fathers.

Comments such as these pretty much reinforce the stereotype that mothers deserve custody of the children after a divorce and the proper father's role is to quit beating his wife and to be sure to make his child support payments on time.

We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That's what keeps their foundation strong. It's what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

Still, I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother - how she struggled at times to the pay bills; to give us the things that other kids had; to play all the roles that both parents are supposed to play. And I know the toll it took on me.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself.

We should be making it easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who avoid them. We should get rid of the financial penalties we impose on married couples right now, and start making sure that every dime of child support goes directly to helping children instead of some bureaucrat. We should reward fathers who pay that child support with job training and job opportunities and a larger Earned Income Tax Credit that can help them pay the bills.

Courts are a lot better at respecting fathers' rights than they were 14 years ago, but there is still a bias in the courts towards women when it comes to awarding custody and an even larger bias in perceptions about what to expect from the court.

At least now, the default starting assumption is shared custody, even if it's not hard for the mother to get the final decision tilted her direction. And, at least it's a lot harder for the custodial parent (usually the mother) to move the kids across the country, denying other routine access to their kids.

I'd say the bias now is against whichever spouse devotes more of their time earning a living (especially against a spouse that earns a living defending their country or community - military jobs, police jobs, etc are a huge disadvantage when it comes to getting custody of the kids). The bias against fathers occurs because fathers still usually fulfill the role of primary wage earner in our culture.

But however biased the current court system may be against men, even it seems to show more respect towards fathers than Obama's Father's Day speech did. Obama's message seemed to be "men are scum" and we need to change that.

 

[chemisttree]

Welcome to the "transformation".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Welcome to the "transformation".

What transformation? Sounds like crackpottery to me.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The black community in particular has a problem with men leaving their wives and families. A number of black leaders, including Obama, have spoken to this point already. Given this and his own childhood, it is easy to understand why Obama may be in tune with the problems faced by fatherless families.

 

[stevenb]

I'd say the bias now is against whichever spouse devotes more of their time earning a living (especially against a spouse that earns a living defending their country or community - military jobs, police jobs, etc are a huge disadvantage when it comes to getting custody of the kids). The bias against fathers occurs because fathers still usually fulfill the role of primary wage earner in our culture.

Personally, I can only comment confidently on what I know first hand. My father was a military man who left his wife with 4 small children. He only sent a small amount of money, when forced by courts, even though he was an officer (certainly not a gentleman), and later worked as an engineer full time and the air national guard part time. This was years ago, but an experience like this stays with a person. So, I know Obama's perspective and am not surprised if there is some bias in his speach, or in my post.

The two recent examples I know among my friends and family are cases where both fathers work full time and have custody of the child. In these cases the mothers were the villians. In both cases the fathers had found good and caring girlfriends by the time custody was awarded, which may have been a factor. In both cases the fathers eventually married these girlfriends and a stable family was the end result.

As far as things I don't know first hand, I can speculate.

It seems to me that justice really depends on the case in question. In cases where both parents are good and caring, the interest of the child should come first. Perhaps then, the wage earner should not have primary custody, and the caretaker should have primary custody, as unfair as that may be to the parent who sees less of the child. In many cases, it could be a tough call because both the mother and father work full time, earn nearly equal pay and care just as much. I don't know what's right here, but if I were a judge I would give the child to the mother, since she is the one who gave birth.

In any event, it's not Obama's fault that people don't fulfill their vows and responsibilties. However, it is his job to address social concerns, even if all do not agree with his methods.

 

[chemisttree]

What transformation? Sounds like crackpottery to me.

You couldn't have forgotten this could you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cqN4NIEtOY

 

[BobG]

The black community in particular has a problem with men leaving their wives and families. A number of black leaders, including Obama, have spoken to this point already. Given this and his own childhood, it is easy to understand why Obama may be in tune with the problems faced by fatherless families.

While using this as his Father's Day speech might be in tune with problems in the black community, he would appear a bit tone deaf to the rest of the country - especially those that just went through their own child custody battle. The best most fathers (especially the married ones) could have to say about this speech is, "I guess he's not speaking to me" and disregard it.

A speech on how he was committed to elimination of gender discrimination in child custody cases would have connected with more fathers than the speech he gave.

 

[russ_watters]

...in other words, it might have made a better Mother's Day speech than a Father's Day speech.