Is there a formula to have a decent social relationship?

[l-1j-cho]

Since I was 8 years old, I thought I would not have much trouble in making friends and maintaining social relationships with others if I am always honest and kind to everyone. However, as I get older, I realized that being honest and kind will not always guarantee an impeccable social relationship. Some people used me because I am just too kind.

Let's have an example. Person A and Person B have similar personality and they are completely irrelevant to one another. They are both kind, benevolent, sympathetic, and etc. Suppose both A and B encounter an identical situation. A and B are requested to do some task. Both A and B prefer to decline it due to the circumstances.

If A declines the request, the society will regard him as the one who can stand up and an assertive person. If A accepts the request, the society will praise his kindness although his situations are not very easy.

If B accepts the request, the society keeps exploiting him and consider him as a fool who cannot express himself. If B declines the request, the society will criticize him for not being flexible or helpful with others.

I used to be a person like B. How can I get out of this situation?
P.S. When I said "Society", I meant the "Majority". I have met few people who are really kind, acknowledge other's accomplishments, and help with each other not using other people as a tool.

 

[Tosh5457]

I didn't understand your example, why would 2 equal people with the same behavior get different treatment from "the society"?

 

[l-1j-cho]

That's my question. Why would two equal people with the same behaviour get different treatment from the society?

 

[Tosh5457]

That's my question. Why would two equal people with the same behaviour get different treatment from the society?

Your question is too abstract to answer correctly, I'd be better if you gave a real example.

 

[BobG]

There is a formula, but you have to do a coordinate transformation before using it - and it involves using the identity matrix - and...

Wait, that won't work. Try this!

http://xkcd.com/55/

Darn! Maybe there isn't.

 

[daveb]

Yes, there is a formula, but it involves invoking certain laws and principles outside mainstream math and physics. I'll provide citations where I can.

Some schools of thought hold that love makes the world go 'round. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zQgKk3g7Uo"

However, we know from physics that it is actually momentum that makes the world go 'round, or specifically, Conservation of Angular Momentum. According to Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now is love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMS2uMUQNnQ".

The main problem with this theory, however, is that acording to Powerman 5000 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsV500W4BHU", and therefore, since death and taxes are likewise synonymous, the only way to true love is by paying taxes.

I hope this helps.

 

[BobG]

One way to do this would be to harness the angular momentum of the moon and crash it into the earth, according to the Amore Theory of Dean Martin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS6-b7CONDI".

... since death and taxes are likewise synonymous, the only way to true love is by paying taxes.

I hope this helps.

So that's why conservatives don't want to pay taxes. They hate America! That makes paying taxes like paying alimony to an ex-wife!

 

[DaveC426913]

Let's have an example. Person A and Person B have similar personality and they are completely irrelevant to one another. They are both kind, benevolent, sympathetic, and etc. Suppose both A and B encounter an identical situation. A and B are requested to do some task. Both A and B prefer to decline it due to the circumstances.

If A declines the request, the society will regard him as the one who can stand up and an assertive person. If A accepts the request, the society will praise his kindness although his situations are not very easy.

If B accepts the request, the society keeps exploiting him and consider him as a fool who cannot express himself. If B declines the request, the society will criticize him for not being flexible or helpful with others.

Two things are different between these scenarios.
1] A and b are different. No two people are the same, not even close. What is making you think they are the same is that the ways they are different you assume are irrelevant. A simple example is that A is calm, self-assured and polite when he makes his decision.
2] The "society" they are in is different. A's friends and famity are not B's friends and family. Also, A's backstory (what everyone has already exerienced about them) is different from B's. It is difficult to change one's spots once they have learned how to manipulate you.


The key to getting out of B and becoming A is this:
1] You determine what is right and what is wrong. Don't let other people criticize you into doing something you don't feel is right (though this does not mean you shouldn't follow wisdom). Your calm self-assurance is what will assure people you are on the path of good.

2] Choose your peers. Those that criticize you despite you doing the right thing are people that you should minimize contact with. Surround yourself with people who are healthy for you. They will praise you and encourage you and help build a world as you see it.

So, you are asked to do a task.
Can you help without being exploited? Then do so. And be gracious about doing it. Because you chose to. (This is what A does.)
Is it unfair or unreasonable? Then choose not do it. (This is what A does.) Don't whine or complain or be emotional. (This is what B does.) (Emotion is the place where they get ya! Don't let them drag you there) Simply calmly explain your stance without criticizing. You are not responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for your own actions.

 

[mathwonk]

1+1 = 2.