It is not impolite and rude to judge people?

  • Thread starter Grands
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  • #1
Grands
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Hi guys.
What's your opinion on people that judge the choices of other people?

I personally think that is rude to have the assumption you know what someone else you should do to have a better life.

There were many times people told me what in their opinion I should do, and what I shouldn't, and I didn't fell well when it happens.
I think that if you respect the law and other people without hurting someone spontaneously, you shouldn't be judged on what you do, or on what you choose to study or on which work you choose to do.

I agree with the fact that everyone can express his opinion, we unconsciously have an opinion on something, you can express it, but it is not right to judge negatively a person's choice of life.

In my opinion those kind of people are the one that think the world is not complex, that the nature is simple, and that everything have an answer.

Can I give some examples?

I have a friend with a degree in architecture that wasn't recognized by my country because was taken abroad.
He is married and he didn't want to lose his wife for a job in another country so he decided to became a baker, because he likes this work and he want to stay in this country. ( he didn't have any debit)

This person was judged by many people as incoherent, also by him father that don't want to see him.

I met another guy with a degree in history with the same problem, he preferred to became car driver instead of a teacher and he was judge by a lot of people, that probably thinks what is better for him.

We all have a personal opinion on a person, but if that person feels good and do not have bigs problem and not ask any advice, why we should know what makes that person happy, better then him?
 

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  • #2
kuruman
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An American Indian proverb says, "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."
 
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  • #3
Ryan_m_b
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I personally think that is rude to have the assumption you know what someone else you should do to have a better life.

Making a judgement about about more than assuming you know how they should have a better life, often it's as you say later and about judging someone for the negative consequence of their actions. However sticking with the idea of judging someone for not leading a life as good as they could there are definitely situations where that is appropriate. For example if you know someone isn't happy with the life they have or wants it better in some way defined by them but they aren't making an effort or are making poor decisions.

I think that if you respect the law and other people without hurting someone spontaneously, you shouldn't be judged on what you do, or on what you choose to study or on which work you choose to do.

Therein lies the problem. Many cultures espouse the idea that actions are morally neutral unless they hurt others. The problem is how we define and measure hurting others.
 
  • #4
Grands
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For example if you know someone isn't happy with the life they have or wants it better in some way defined by them but they aren't making an effort or are making poor decisions.
Yes, but I think someone should help only if a person ask help or is unhappy.
 
  • #5
Grands
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An American Indian proverb says, "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."
I like it, lots of people that judge do not understand the sensibility, the ideas and the perception on another person.
 
  • #6
Ryan_m_b
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Yes, but I think someone should help only if a person ask help or is unhappy.

Human relationships aren't always that neat. There are times in everyone's life when they can't see the damage they're doing and need confronting by a friend, family member, colleague etc. For instance; a few years ago my cousin who was 19 at the time was spending a lot of his time at university partying, doing drugs and not really committing to his work. Arguably this hurt no one but him and he was both happy and confident with his choices. At some point he was confronted by multiple family members, told to knuckle down and stop wasting his time. He was upset at first because he thought he had it under control (he didn't) but later came to appreciate the kick up the backside.

The problem is that humans aren't perfect. We can't always tell when someone is getting hurt, hurting others, are unhappy or in denial about their situation. We can't always agree or tell what "hurt" is. Rather than refraining from any judgement at all unless we're absolutely 100% certain I think a better way to live is to always be self reflective and listen to feedback. If you say to someone "hey I think you're making a bad choice here" do it in a way that's constructive rather than condemning (unless there is some very obvious harm going on) and be prepared to be wrong.
 
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  • #7
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Have a look at the different personality types:
http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/tt/t-articl/mb-simpl.htm

Being judgmental is simply a characteristic some have - some do not. I personally am a very very strong - when I took the test the comment was they had never seen somebody that strong - INTP. I am not judgmental but understand and respect those that are. It IMHO is politeness neutral. What is not neutral is respect - all views must be respected - as Evalin Hall said (it was not Voltaire - although he did say something similar) - I Disapprove of What You Say, But I Will Defend to the Death Your Right to Say It. If they want to be judgmental - as long as they show respect - its their right and indeed simply a manifestation of what makes them - well them. We are all different.

Thanks
Bill
 
  • #8
phyzguy
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You might want to read this book, or at least think about the title:

Feynman.jpg
 

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  • #9
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What is not neutral is respect - all views must be respected
I disagree. If I hold the opinion that the Earth is flat, must that view be respected? It most assuredly is not here at PF.

I Disapprove of What You Say, But I Will Defend to the Death Your Right to Say It
Which is not the same as respecting what someone says. It's merely recognizing that someone has the right to voice his or her opinion, whether it's worthy of respect or not.
 
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  • #10
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I disagree. If I hold the opinion that the Earth is flat, must that view be respected? It most assuredly is not here at PF.

I think this can be rephrased that the ability to have any view be respected, but not the view itself.
 
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  • #11
phinds
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idiots.jpg
 

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  • #12
Psinter
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I personally think that is rude to have the assumption you know what someone else you should do to have a better life.
I personally think it would be stupid of my part to make an assumption of knowing what someone else should do to have a better life. The thoughts of it don't even cross my mind. :smile: Although I am not sure whether it is impolite or rude to judge others.
Yes, but I think someone should help only if a person ask help or is unhappy.
As a funny off-topic note, I have met people who ask for help and then do the complete opposite of what they were recommended to do. :oldlaugh:
 
  • #13
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I disagree. If I hold the opinion that the Earth is flat, must that view be respected? It most assuredly is not here at PF. Which is not the same as respecting what someone says. It's merely recognizing that someone has the right to voice his or her opinion, whether it's worthy of respect or not.

I think your view of respect may differ from mine. Respecting someone does not mean you have to provide a forum for them to promulgate their views - simply they be left alone to hold it. If as both you and I are, mentors here, we respect posters to hold all sorts of what we would consider inane rubbish - but have chosen to enforce the rules of the forum that does not allow the promulgating of such things. I respect their right to believe the world is flat - but do not have to provide a forum for them to voice it and can say the evidence says otherwise.

In my view respecting is exactly that - they can say and believe what they like, as can I, which includes the right for me to pass judgment on it should I so desire and am of that bent. It also includes the right not to pass judgement.

Thanks
Bill
 
  • #14
symbolipoint
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Depends; hard to say;
Use your own best judgement.
 
  • #15
symbolipoint
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Here is a better answer.
You judge a person if you feel like it, but keep your judgement to yourself. You MIGHT be wrong; or you MIGHT be prejudging the person before you have enough evidence or sufficient impression to form a stable judgement.
 
  • #16
phinds
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I read somewhere long ago that Abe Lincoln, when he had really judged someone harshly, would write that person a very nasty letter. Then he would put the letter in a desk drawer and after a month or so he would take it out and burn it.
 
  • #17
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I personally think it would be stupid of my part to make an assumption of knowing what someone else should do to have a better life. The thoughts of it don't even cross my mind.
I disagree. In my local paper I regularly see articles about people committing criminal acts, the majority of which stem from their use of illegal drugs, especially heroin and methamphetamine. Do you really think it would be stupid on your part to suggest that they might have a better life if they didn't use these drugs?

If as both you and I are, mentors here, we respect posters to hold all sorts of what we would consider inane rubbish
Perhaps you meant "We expect posters to hold all sorts of what we would consider inane rubbish." In life, someone who spouts "inane rubbish" does not garner a lot of respect.

Certainly someone has the right to believe the Earth is flat, and at least here in the U.S., people have the right to free speech under the First Amendment I of our Constutution. I can say, however, that if flat-earth proponents persist in their delusions, their presence here is short-lived.

In my view respecting is exactly that - they can say and believe what they like, as can I, which includes the right for me to pass judgment on it should I so desire and am of that bent.
I think that you are conflating respect with tolerance, which are two different things. To respect someone means that you hold him or her in high regard.
 
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  • #18
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Perhaps you meant "We expect posters to hold all sorts of what we would consider inane rubbish." In life, someone who spouts "inane rubbish" does not garner a lot of respect.

Unfortunately true - and its a bit sad. Not all of course.

Certainly someone has the right to believe the Earth is flat, and at least here in the U.S., people have the right to free speech under the First Amendment I of our Constutution. I can say, however, that if flat-earth proponents persist in their delusions, their presence here is short-lived.

Same here is Australia - not part of our constitution like yours - but our high court has ruled you can't have democracy without free speech and democracy is guaranteed by our constitution.

I think that you are conflating respect with tolerance, which are two different things. To respect someone means that you hold him or her in high regard.

After thinking a bit you may be right.

Thanks
Bill
 
  • #19
symbolipoint
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Grands,
What you want to know is unclear. If just what your topic title asks, then the person who is judging other people either could be influenced by yet other people, or the person might not be able to be influenced by yet other people. What is also important is this: Now that someone makes a judgement about a person, does this someone listen to and ponder any additional information about who he has judged, or does this someone keep the same judgement? How does this someone who judges actually treat those who he judges?

You gave some examples. Some people are just simply very hard-headed; changing how they think is either difficult or impossible.
 
  • #20
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Can I give some examples?
I have a friend with a degree in architecture that wasn't recognized by my country because was taken abroad.
He is married and he didn't want to lose his wife for a job in another country so he decided to became a baker, because he likes this work and he want to stay in this country. ( he didn't have any debit)

This person was judged by many people as incoherent, also by him father that don't want to see him.
Your friend's choice to take up a different line of work is understandable, given that it's for the sake of his marriage and he enjoys the work. It's sad that some people, including his father, are judging him harshly for this decision. These are the people who are deserving of judgement, not your friend.
Grands said:
We all have a personal opinion on a person, but if that person feels good and do not have bigs problem and not ask any advice, why we should know what makes that person happy, better then him?
I agree completely.
 
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  • #21
Psinter
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I disagree. In my local paper I regularly see articles about people committing criminal acts, the majority of which stem from their use of illegal drugs, especially heroin and methamphetamine. Do you really think it would be stupid on your part to suggest that they might have a better life if they didn't use these drugs?
Now that you mention crime stemming from drugs, there is indeed this corrupt, but powerful politician where I live that was caught doing drugs while in office. I suppose him being a criminal (although never jailed or prosecuted) could be correlated to the drugs. But that's just assumptions that came to my mind when you mentioned that. Going back to topic... I could suggest, but I wouldn't endanger my life for suggesting a chemically unstable person something. It could be fear perhaps that makes me feel it could be stupid from my part if I tried.
 
  • #22
Laroxe
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Humans are perhaps the most social animals on the planet and we devote a great deal of our attention to how we relate to others. From birth we are exposed to the rules that control the way people relate and that hold society together and these rules are assigned a value.
Of course we judge people, we even judge ourselves, but from the moment we meet people we make all sorts of judgements based on all sorts of cues and often these judgements will effect our future relationship with that person.
I think in the original post its less about judgement and more about giving an opinion, generally its only people who we are close to that would be comfortable doing this. They offer an opinion based on their own and social values, its based on trying to get the best for a person this is based on a prior judgement that this person is worth more than what they are accepting.
Its interesting that the phrases as long as they obey the law and don't spontaneously hurt others is used, the law simply being a code of social rules some of which make little sense. This however implies its ok to judge someone based on a single act of behaviour and one which has no negative social consequences.
In reality every time we talk to someone we are trying to influence them in some way, if someone who cares about us gives an opinion which we might not agree with, is that a problem.? We often rely on others to give us clues as to how we are seen, to be close enough to venture such opinions is a statement that they value you, would it be preferable if no one ventured such an opinion, that would also be a statement, but in this case of not caring.
It is true that our judgements can lead us astray and its always worth keeping that in mind, but it is unavoidable, the big surprise is how often we are actually right, we take in all sorts of clues very quickly, its an important skill.
 
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  • #23
Rive
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What's your opinion on people that judge the choices of other people?

I personally think that is rude to have the assumption you know what someone else you should do to have a better life.
I personally think it's not rude: it is just natural to have an opinion: even about life choices of others.
What's rude is to bother others with your opinion about them without them asking first.

What is not neutral is respect - all views must be respected
I don't think so. Some kind of mutuality is expected, and if it is lacking, then further claims for respect can be... well, stupid?...

If I hold the opinion that the Earth is flat, must that view be respected? It most assuredly is not here at PF.
Guess such opinions shouted here would lack the respect for the local rules?
 
  • #24
Buzz Bloom
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Yes, but I think someone should help only if a person ask help or is unhappy.
The Confucian golden rule:
Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.​
If one accepts this, then it follows that they should when possible get the permission of someone to help them before helping them.
 
  • #25
gleem
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"Therefore all things whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them for this is the law and the prophets" (Matthew 7:12) was Matthew a Confucius scholar? or is this a self evident concept?
 
  • #26
Buzz Bloom
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Matthew a Confucius scholar? or is this a self evident concept?
Hi gleem:

You raise an interesting question which I have been unable to track down since I first became aware of the Confucian version several decades ago. If anyone knows the answer, I would be very pleased to see it.

A plausible guess seems to me to be that the among the early Christians there might have been someone who was aware of the Confucian version, but I have no guess about the theology behind the change. Wikipedia says:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius
The philosophy of Confucius, also known as Confucianism, emphasized personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity.​
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule
It is a maxim of altruism that is found in many religions and cultures.[1][2] The maxim may appear as either a positive or negative injunction governing conduct:​

It makes sense to me that as a guide for government morality, establishing what a government should not do is more morally relevant than what they should do. One example is the US Bill of Rights.

Regards,
Buzz
 
  • #27
Jimmy
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An American Indian proverb says, "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."
That way, when you criticize him, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his moccasins.
--Stolen from Jack Handy
 

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