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My physics/love poem - feedback encouraged

  1. Mar 10, 2014 #1
    Hello,

    I just quickly threw this together in the last 15 minutes or so and I was curious what people think? I just put it together as a fun little thing. I am open to feedback on multiple levels:
    If any one has suggestions for change to meter, rhyme scheme/structure, wording, etc.
    Or also if someone with knowledge of quantum mechanics & general relativity has any errors to nitpick I'd be glad to try and modify a bit to make it a more accurate metaphor; I myself don't have a physics background and only a very shallow understanding of it. Thanks!

    It's a sixteen bar verse:
    spontaniously birthed, a fleeting couple on borrowed energy, virtual pair
    unless the heart is equally shared it's not even there
    copenhagen affairs dependant on stares
    the lack of it's acknowledgement or embracement
    preventing it's inherent existence
    Schroedinger's love, nothing about my heart is permanent
    it may be alive, dead, a superposition: no determinance
    god rolling dice when the heart wants to be in two places
    stomach riding butterfly waves, probabilities determine the faces
    indefinite predictive power for what's to come
    whether we'll heat up and merge together like fusion inside the sun
    when subjected to utter isolation void of any enticing relation
    is there a macroscopic manifestation, is there decoherence?
    if no one's there to speak to my heart, can it still hear it?
    a heavy blackness lingers overhead, warping and curving my view
    shall I continue ahead, never to return just to see you?
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2014
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 10, 2014 #2
    I liked it. A rap music style of delivery came to my mind as I was reading it.
     
  4. Mar 10, 2014 #3
    I like it. Before I start reading poetry I always put a cringe face on just to prepare myself, it's a bad habit, but this didn't sustain it.
     
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