Never slap a man who's chewing tabacco

[Ivan Seeking]

I was cleaning my office and found and old Will Rogers joke list. For those who don't know Rogers [one of my favorites], who lived from 1879, until 1935, he was an American icon rather unique in his role in US History. His down-home charm and wit carried a great deal of influence through his humor and social commentary. His presence was requested by, and he met with Kings, Presidents, and other heads of state.

Here is a little info for anyone interested http://www.willrogers.org/

Also

In the spring of 1926, the popular magazine Saturday Evening Post sent Rogers to Europe to write a series of articles as a "Self-Made Diplomat to His President". It was on this trip that he began to earn the title "Good Will Ambassador " or "American Ambassador to the World".

Will Rogers would talk with many of the greatest dignitaries of Europe and "get their angle" so that he could report it to the folks back home. Included were meetings with the King of Spain, the Prince of Wales, and then dictator of Italy, Benito Mussolini.

At home, Rogers, spoke out often about Washington's refusal to acknowledge the extent to which the populace was suffering from the Depression. [continued]

http://ellensplace.net/ambass.html

Will's popularity spread to other media, notably radio and the press, in which his political commentary carried much weight among citizens and politicians alike. He declined a nomination for the governorship of Oklahoma, served as mayor of Beverly Hills, and was instrumental in the election of FDR as President in 1932

http://ellensplace.net/rogers.html

Rogerisms from my list with a few from the first site linked.

His most famous line: "Never Met A Man I Didn't Like,"

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, its was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects.

They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

Many more at the web sites linked or with any google search. He had many great one-liners.

 

[tribdog]

don't come waltzing in here and start posting again like nothing ever happened. you're the one who decided to neglect us now you have to live with your decision. You've made your bed but you can't make it drink.

 

[Tsu]

trib - he hasn't been DELIBERATELY neglecting us. I've been forcing him to work long hours to pay for my trip to Hawaii with my sister to see my nephew in a few weeks.

He's also been taking care of me and trying to help get the knife out of my right kidney and making sure I don't fall on my face with all the damn Vicodin I've been on. I really do not like that drug - but it can be helpful at times...

 

[tribdog]

and that's more important than me? how selfish can you get?

 

[Moonbear]

Tsu, what's going on? Why are you taking vicodin and having stabbing pains in the kidney? Did our torture techniques backfire and get you instead of tribdog? It doesn't sound good at all. You and Ivan are quite a pair. He's fainting in the bathroom and you're staggering around high on vicodin!

 

[Tsu]

and that's more important than me?

Nothing? NO. Wait. ME!111

how selfish can you get?

Please forgive me. I was wasted potatoes on Vicodin (thanks for the correct spelling, Moonbear ).

We are a pair aren't we? I'm OK (I think... ) (but I'm not too sure about the rest of you... ). No. Seriously... About every seven years or so, I get this charming intense pain over my right kidney. Feels like there's a knife in there. CT always shows - NOTHING! Except for a few cysts... Pretty benign stuff. It sure doen't FEEL benign, tho! There's always a little blood in my urine, too. The doc says I'm a mystery... Looking at my old CT, tho - it looks like my cyst is bigger now. I'll have the Rad compare it today... I sure don't want to be one of the renal-cyst-drainage patients, tho! I DO those! It really doesn't look all that fun... 'Course nothing I do looks all that fun from the patient's perspective... I'm a LOUSY patient. A real pain in the a$$...

But then NOTHING compares to the pain in the a$$ we must have given trib in the other thread... Have you recovered yet, trib?

 

[tribdog]

boy, you curse like a sailor when you're drugged up don't you.

 

[Tsu]

Yeah. Gets pretty freakin' bad, huh?...

 

[tribdog]

lol, I like you Tsu.

 

[Tsu]

Me too you, trib.

 

[tribdog]

still planning on dumping I.S.?

 

[Tsu]

Wait. I DID spell Vicodin right the first time. I've misspelled it elsewhere... That stuff's bad, man. It scrambles your brains and makes you dizzy and slightly sick and makes your stomach hurt... OK. Maybe all that's not as bad as a knife in your kidney, but now I need to take some stomach medicine.

 

[Moonbear]

Wait. I DID spell Vicodin right the first time. I've misspelled it elsewhere... That stuff's bad, man. It scrambles your brains and makes you dizzy and slightly sick and makes your stomach hurt... OK. Maybe all that's not as bad as a knife in your kidney, but now I need to take some stomach medicine.

I was wondering. I looked at my spelling and looked at your spelling, and didn't see any difference. You're pretty amusing when you're high. Keep it up for another 10 months and I think you might be able to steal that pink ribbon from tribdog!

 

[tribdog]

lol, yeah, but what good is a pink ribbon in Betty Ford?