When ceramic squirrels are outlawed

  • Thread starter Math Is Hard
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In summary, a 44-year-old woman got angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas Eve, beat him with a ceramic squirrel, stabbed him in the shoulder and chest, and because the stores were closed, it was ok to stab him.
  • #1
Math Is Hard
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..only outlaws will have ceramic squirrels.
Just sayin'.

NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C. -- South Carolina authorities say a 44-year-old woman angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel.

http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/bizarre&id=9376428
 
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  • #2
The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.
 
  • #3
Bear Squirrels? They must be a rather large species.
 
  • #4
Not so much. The Blue Whale Squirrel, now that's a large squirrel.
 
  • #5
zoobyshoe said:
The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.
It's probably good that he didn't bring her any beer. She might have attacked him with it.

http://gamekrib.com/file/pic/photo/2011/04/Brewing_Master-bear-deer-beer.gif
 
  • #7
I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:
Deputies say the man said Williams was so angry when he returned without beer because stores were closed on Christmas Eve that she grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him in the head, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest.
So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough. :confused:
 
  • #8
It would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel

Langauge fail, so I googled for "squirrel sharpener".

That was a bad move ... http://www.john-crane.co.uk/pencil-sharpener---mouserabbitsquirrel/ [Broken]

But by a process of elimination, at least the squirrel sharpener is a red squirrel, not a grey rat with a tail. Either that, or it's trying to disguise itself as Hello Kitty.
 
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  • #9
Q_Goest said:
I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:

So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough. :confused:

Just because the stores were closed doesn't make it wrong to stab him. He was probably really cheap and just procrastinated until he was sure the stores would be closed.

Stories like this make me happy I'm divorced. (Especially since it's pretty much a given that a person would have to drink a serious amount of beer to put up with being married to me.)
 

1. What does it mean when ceramic squirrels are outlawed?

When ceramic squirrels are outlawed, it means that the production, sale, or possession of ceramic squirrels is prohibited by law.

2. Why would ceramic squirrels be outlawed?

Ceramic squirrels may be outlawed for a variety of reasons, such as for safety concerns, protection of real squirrel populations, or to prevent fraud or counterfeiting.

3. What are the consequences for owning or selling ceramic squirrels when they are outlawed?

The consequences for owning or selling ceramic squirrels when they are outlawed may vary depending on the specific laws and regulations in place. In some cases, it may result in fines or penalties, while in others it may be considered a criminal offense.

4. Are there any exceptions to the outlawing of ceramic squirrels?

There may be exceptions to the outlawing of ceramic squirrels, such as for educational or scientific purposes, or if they are considered to have significant historical or cultural value.

5. How can I find out if ceramic squirrels are currently outlawed in my area?

You can find out if ceramic squirrels are currently outlawed in your area by researching local laws and regulations, or by contacting your local government or law enforcement officials for clarification.

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