When ceramic squirrels are outlawed

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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around a bizarre incident involving a woman who attacked a man with a ceramic squirrel after he returned home without beer on Christmas. Participants explore the implications of the event, the absurdity of the situation, and humorous takes on the concept of "bearing squirrels." The conversation is largely light-hearted and speculative, with no serious conclusions drawn.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification
  • Humorous

Main Points Raised

  • Some participants humorously suggest that the right to "bear squirrels" is not constitutionally protected.
  • There are jokes about the size of squirrels, including a fictional "Blue Whale Squirrel."
  • A participant reflects on the absurdity of the situation, questioning whether the attack would have been justified if the stores had been open and beer was available.
  • Another participant comments on the implications of the stores being closed, suggesting that it may have influenced the woman's reaction.
  • There is a humorous exchange about the concept of a "squirrel sharpener," leading to a light-hearted digression.
  • One participant expresses a personal sentiment about divorce in relation to the story, indicating a connection between the incident and their own experiences.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants generally engage in humorous banter without reaching any consensus. The discussion remains playful and speculative, with no serious disagreements or resolutions presented.

Contextual Notes

The discussion is based on a specific incident that lacks broader context regarding societal views on violence or substance use, and it relies heavily on humor and absurdity.

Who May Find This Useful

Readers interested in humorous takes on bizarre news stories, discussions about societal norms, or light-hearted debates about absurd hypothetical scenarios may find this thread engaging.

Math Is Hard
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..only outlaws will have ceramic squirrels.
Just sayin'.

NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C. -- South Carolina authorities say a 44-year-old woman angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel.

http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/bizarre&id=9376428
 
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The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.
 
Bear Squirrels? They must be a rather large species.
 
Not so much. The Blue Whale Squirrel, now that's a large squirrel.
 
zoobyshoe said:
The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.
It's probably good that he didn't bring her any beer. She might have attacked him with it.

http://gamekrib.com/file/pic/photo/2011/04/Brewing_Master-bear-deer-beer.gif
 
I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:
Deputies say the man said Williams was so angry when he returned without beer because stores were closed on Christmas Eve that she grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him in the head, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest.
So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough. :confused:
 
It would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel

language fail, so I googled for "squirrel sharpener".

That was a bad move ... http://www.john-crane.co.uk/pencil-sharpener---mouserabbitsquirrel/

But by a process of elimination, at least the squirrel sharpener is a red squirrel, not a grey rat with a tail. Either that, or it's trying to disguise itself as Hello Kitty.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Q_Goest said:
I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:

So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough. :confused:

Just because the stores were closed doesn't make it wrong to stab him. He was probably really cheap and just procrastinated until he was sure the stores would be closed.

Stories like this make me happy I'm divorced. (Especially since it's pretty much a given that a person would have to drink a serious amount of beer to put up with being married to me.)
 

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