Why Do Female Students Listen to Male Students' Questions Without Interacting?

[zoobyshoe]

Talk talk talk. Don't try to get dates from people, just learn how to hold a conversation. I am willing to bet you're not comfortable doing that, so asking her out is trying to go from 0-60 with no wheels. You need to get used to being around people that don't do physics all day long.

I think this is excellent advice. It's really the most important contribution to physics that Feynman made: setting the example of the loquacious, sociable, entertaining scientist who could talk to anyone from university presidents to strippers. He was curious about everything and everyone.

 

[Cyrus]

You say that a lot

Because it is *SOOOOOOOOOOOO* important that you *NOT* care when your talking to people. If you let your EGO get in the way you will be standing next to the wall by yourself, like *MOST* of the guys at bars do because they are worried about failure infront of all those strangers standing around. Its *not an easy fear to put aside at first. I had that fear, and I think everyone does at first until you are comfortable being yourself around a large group of people that are older than you and drinking and having fun. You just get used to it after a while and it all becomes natural. But if you don't go out and talk, you will never pick up this skill.

 

[theoritician]

I don't follow you. I don't close my eyes when I look at a girl, ever. I look at her face, or her chest/ass, and then back up at her face.

What you just described is - creepy.

What I meant was with some girls, they are so attractive that I only need a small/short look at them and leave shaking my head in awe. And because they are so attractive, I leave with a very clear image of them in my head even without looking at them for long.

 

[Evo]

I never realized it was so hard for some men. Women have it easy. I'd go out and just pick from the men that were hitting on me. All I had to do to get a guy to come over to me was make eye contact with him. So, I had to learn to avoid looking a guy in the eye if I wanted to discourage him from coming over. Then my girlfriend and I got to the point where if we saw a guy looking our way and we didn't want him, we'd scowl at him. It just becomes a game.

So men, if a woman is avoiding eye contact or scowling, you'd best move along.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Because it is *SOOOOOOOOOOOO* important that you *NOT* care when your talking to people. If you let your EGO get in the way you will be standing next to the wall by yourself, like *MOST* of the guys at bars do because they are worried about failure infront of all those strangers standing around. Its *not an easy fear to put aside at first. I had that fear, and I think everyone does at first.

Once again, you are correct. The guys I know who are most successful with women easily do and say relatively outrageous things with a complete lack of shame or embarrassment.

I think this is appealing to women because they feel that this is a guy who will blast through all their own sexual hang ups and take them on sexual adventures they wouldn't dare initiate themselves, even though they want to.

 

[theoritician]

Are you doubting your ability to keep her interested?

Yes if I don't do much.

A pessimist always have doubts.

 

[theoritician]

You people keep buying drinks for each other when in a bar. But wouldn't you need to go to the toilet very often? It is unnatural to drink so much liquid isn't it.

 

[Cyrus]

I never realized it was so hard for some men. Women have it easy. I'd go out and just pick from the men that were hitting on me. All I had to do to get a guy to come over to me was make eye contact with him. So, I had to learn to avoid looking a guy in the eye if I wanted to discourage him from coming over. Then my girlfriend and I got to the point where if we saw a guy looking our way and we didn't want him, we'd scowl at him. It just becomes a game.

So men, if a woman is avoiding eye contact or scowling, you'd best move along.

Because a girl in a bar is going to get hit on by the guys in there, *Constantly*. So if some chump walks up and says 'hi what's your name', he's going to get a brush off almost instantly. (Unless she thinks your so big a dope she can get you to buy her a drink). I have never in my life seen a girl standing in a bar alone. So that means your now a loser in the eyes of all her friends, and all the people standing around just witnessed you burn in flames. AKA you look like a fool now infront of half the bar. If you ever notice a guy do a *really* bad job talking to a woman, its like man what are you doing here do us all a favor and go home.

 

[zoobyshoe]

What I meant was with some girls, they are so attractive that I only need a small/short look at them and leave shaking my head in awe. And because they are so attractive, I leave with a very clear image of them in my head even without looking at them for long.

I know exactly what you're talking about, and it isn't what Cyrus thinks. However, you do have to learn to overcome this awe or you'll be paralyzed and never be able to talk to them.

 

[Cyrus]

You people keep buying drinks for each other when in a bar. But wouldn't you need to go to the toilet very often? It is unnatural to drink so much liquid isn't it.

wow, you have never been to a bar before.

women are a dime a dozzen my friend. There is no such thing as "What I meant was with some girls, they are so attractive that I only need a small/short look at them and leave shaking my head in awe." If you do that in public, you look like a scared pathetic creep who has never seen a girl in his life.

 

[morphism]

You people keep buying drinks for each other when in a bar. But wouldn't you need to go to the toilet very often? It is unnatural to drink so much liquid isn't it.

Are you serious?

 

[rewebster]

I never realized it was so hard for some men. Women have it easy. I'd go out and just pick from the men that were hitting on me. All I had to do to get a guy to come over to me was make eye contact with him. So, I had to learn to avoid looking a guy in the eye if I wanted to discourage him from coming over. Then my girlfriend and I got to the point where if we saw a guy looking our way and we didn't want him, we'd scowl at him. It just becomes a game.

So men, if a woman is avoiding eye contact or scowling, you'd best move along.

ATTRACTIVE women have it easy. Attractive women that smile have it easier. Attractive women showing some skin that smile have it easiest. Easy at what though? (long list, please)

 

[rewebster]

wow, you have never been to a bar before.

women are a dime a dozzen my friend. There is no such thing as "What I meant was with some girls, they are so attractive that I only need a small/short look at them and leave shaking my head in awe." If you do that in public, you look like a scared pathetic creep who has never seen a girl in his life.

what are women good for it your eyes?

 

[Cyrus]

What does it matter what I think women are good for, are you worried I might ask you out? They are good for lots of things. You missed the point of why I told him that - he is obsessed over one girl he does not even know.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I never realized it was so hard for some men. Women have it easy. I'd go out and just pick from the men that were hitting on me. All I had to do to get a guy to come over to me was make eye contact with him.

The easier it is for a guy to hit on you is a measure of how little that guy cares. The guy who has no problem approaching is the one who's least impressed, who cares the least about everything about you, who is the least interested. As Cyrus says, the second he starts talking to another woman, he will have forgotten you exist. The guys who are most impressed don't dare approach you.

Of course, I think most women are completely aware of this and they are "hooked' by the fact the bolder guy doesn't care, and are sucked into the challenge of trying to reverse that.

 

[Evo]

The guys who are most impressed don't dare approach you.

This is very true, one example is a guy that I ended up dating. He came over to me because he said he got sick of his little brother and his friends sitting all night talking about me and none of them had the courage to approach me. He decided to talk to me to show them how easy it was. Of course, he was fascinating and we hit it off immediately, much to the displeasure of his brother.

Another instance was a guy that came over to me and told me that I was the talk of the men's restroom, no one could get over my legs, and all were too shy to approach me. He was with someone but thought it was funny enough to tell me.

 

[rewebster]

What does it matter what I think women are good for, are you worried I might ask you out? They are good for lots of things. You missed the point of why I told him that - he is obsessed over one girl he does not even know.

no---but there may be other guys on the thread you can ask

so you haven't read the whole thread yet then?

 

[zoobyshoe]

...no one could get over my legs...

Sorry to hear that, Evo. I generally don't date anyone if I don't think I'll be able to crawl over their legs.

http://www.ccgb.org.uk/lobby/uploads/Cartoons/tide.jpg

 

[zoobyshoe]

This is very true, one example is a guy that I ended up dating. He came over to me because he said he got sick of his little brother and his friends sitting all night talking about me and none of them had the courage to approach me. He decided to talk to me to show them how easy it was. Of course, he was fascinating and we hit it off immediately, much to the displeasure of his brother.

Another instance was a guy that came over to me and told me that I was the talk of the men's restroom, no one could get over my legs, and all were too shy to approach me. He was with someone but thought it was funny enough to tell me.

This happens ALL the time: a group of guys sits and talks about how hot some girl is without any of them ever approaching her. It's pretty irritating.

 

[theoritician]

Don't try to get dates from people, just learn how to hold a conversation.

Thats what I thought as well but everyone else here are telling me the opposite which is to ask her out and I have been sort of converted. Maybe I should just ask her if she wants to do something neutral with me like playing chess?

That is also why I want to hold until the holidays so our moods are more relaxed and socialising may become easier. There is also a chance that she may be just like me in which case everything will be much more natural.

 

[Astronuc]

Thats what I thought as well but everyone else here are telling me the opposite which is to ask her out and I have been sort of converted. Maybe I should just ask her if she wants to do something neutral with me like playing chess?

That is also why I want to hold until the holidays so our moods are more relaxed and socialising may become easier. There is also a chance that she may be just like me in which case everything will be much more natural.

I think one is being exposed to a variety of experiences.

theortician, have you talked to this woman? If not, it would be out of place to abruptly ask her out.

A month ago would have been an opportunity to simply say hello. Start without any expectations and go from there.

 

[rewebster]

Thats what I thought as well but everyone else here are telling me the opposite which is to ask her out and I have been sort of converted. Maybe I should just ask her if she wants to do something neutral with me like playing chess?

That is also why I want to hold until the holidays so our moods are more relaxed and socialising may become easier. There is also a chance that she may be just like me in which case everything will be much more natural.

You may not 'feel' comfortable doing/asking anything with or about her at first. Coffee, chess, a walk, a talk, anything dealing with a 'low-expectancy' highest possible chance of an acceptable result---in your mind, it seems, you may be looking too far down the road at 'what is possible' rather than living in the moment with the interplay with her. Lighten up--it's SUPPOSED to be fun--not torture, not a contest, or not a game.

 

[Cyrus]

Thats what I thought as well but everyone else here are telling me the opposite which is to ask her out and I have been sort of converted. Maybe I should just ask her if she wants to do something neutral with me like playing chess?

That is also why I want to hold until the holidays so our moods are more relaxed and socialising may become easier. There is also a chance that she may be just like me in which case everything will be much more natural.

I like to play chess. I would never ask a girl if she wanted to play chess with me. Talk about boring. Find something else to do. Take her to starbucks or a bar or somewhere, (if you're going to ask her out, which I don't recomend).

Socializing isn't easier during the holidays. Its easy always. No offense, but stop daydreaming about this girl. Go out and talk to people and forget her all together. You really need to meet people who don't do physics all day long. She isn't going to want to talk about physics with you all day long. If I met a girl that tried to talk physics with me all night I would probably tell her to find a professor during his office hours and stop wasting my time.

 

[EnumaElish]

Are you doubting your ability to keep her interested?

Yes if I don't do much.

That's a contradictory answer. "Yes, you are doubting your ability" but not really because you are aware that you can choose to do or not to do much -- which means you are able.

It's up to you, and you know it.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Thats what I thought as well but everyone else here are telling me the opposite which is to ask her out and I have been sort of converted. Maybe I should just ask her if she wants to do something neutral with me like playing chess?

That is also why I want to hold until the holidays so our moods are more relaxed and socialising may become easier. There is also a chance that she may be just like me in which case everything will be much more natural.

I think you should meet and chat with every girl in every one of your classes.

 

[Moonbear]

As Cyrus said, don't ask her to play chess. Asking someone to play chess requires that you know they know how to play chess and enjoy it and would find that a fun way to spend a few hours with someone. Really high probability she might say no only because she doesn't play chess, and not because she isn't interested in doing something with you. As we told you way back on page one or two of this thread, just ask her to join you for coffee, or even for a quick bite at the dining hall...anything that just gives you a chance to talk to her for longer than you can at the end of class. Heck, you could even just strike up conversation and walk with her to her next class or the student center or wherever she heads after class while you talk.

 

[rewebster]

You could ask her if she plays chess as part of the conversation if you think of it. She may love chess, she may be a 'chess' specialist and would enjoy talking about chess. Until you start talking to her on a causal basis, you don't know anything about her (she may be married).




And if a woman wanted to talk physics to me all night, I wouldn't be aggravated about it and tell her to 'get lost' either--first, I like talking about physics and if she liked it too, it would be something in common. Secondly, she may feel comfortable talking about physics that night and that may be her comfort zone to open up (in the way of conversation and getting to know each other) and be friendly or more.

And if she bought me a drink earlier in the night, I wouldn't think she was a "chump" either.

The idea that she is still 'around' after a month and hasn't moved on (and still having some attention to you), shows, to me, that you two are alike in some ways.

(Some of the 'suggestions' you're getting, seems to me, to be more toward 'getting in her pants' and if that's what you want to do, then you should take their advice.)

 

[Cyrus]

Blind guiding the blind, how nice.

 

[rewebster]

Blind guiding the blind, how nice.

sorry--I'm not into the 'bulldozer' approach to women.

 

[Cyrus]

I don't think you have one clue what I am saying.

 

[Moonbear]

I don't think you have one clue what I am saying.

Actually, reading yours and rewebster's comments, I think you're both reading each other wrong. I don't think the two of you are disagreeing as much as it's coming across you think you disagree.

 

[rewebster]

Well, I up for learning stuff----

What does:

"women are a dime a dozzen my friend." mean?

"she now has a free drink" -mean that you didn't have to buy it?

"Come down to DC and I will take you out to a bar so you can watch and learn, stud." Watch and learn how to treat a woman like she's worth 'a dime a dozen'?

maybe you're right----I don't think I have a clue what you're saying--teach us how to be 'studs'

-------------------
MB--you're probably right--just different points of views (and from my side, probably from watching all the football lately)
------------------
theoritician could probably use different points of view

 

[Cyrus]

Just go back and reread what I wrote please. I made it clear what my intention was. I don't see how you can miss what I wrote.

You are pulling two things I said and meshing them incorrectly to say something I never said as a whole.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Actually, reading yours and rewebster's comments, I think you're both reading each other wrong. I don't think the two of you are disagreeing as much as it's coming across you think you disagree.

I think so, too. I think they are talking about two different things. Cyrus seems to be talking about basic socializing, not serious relationships. In a situation like night-clubbing or going to a party, yes, women are a dime a dozen (and for women, men are a dime a dozen). You meet, chit-chat, and either you click with someone or you don't. If you don't, you move on to the next until you find someone you'd like to know better. It's all in fun.

 

[Cyrus]

Exactly, MIH. I said women are a dime a dozzen becaus this kid is obsessed with this one girl.

PS, to women, guys are a penny a dozzen.

 

[rewebster]

Just go back and reread what I wrote please. I made it clear what my intention was. I don't see how you can miss what I wrote.

You are pulling two things I said and meshing them incorrectly to say something I never said as a whole.

OK--I went back and read what you wrote (for about the fourth time)

It reads to me that you're telling him that he shouldn't care about this woman that the thread has been talking about because you think he shouldn't care about her and instead be like you and just go have fun with another one, some other one, another other one, besides this one--the one he's talking about, caring about, obsessing about--because women are so plentiful he should be able to find another one to obsess about. In other words, be like you, instead of who he is. That should get him over the possibility of doing this all over again, right? Instead, of going through the process knowing what the process is himself, listen to you and not pay attention to what he is going through.

It'll be the same thing next time, maybe--as, maybe a woman going out with (the same type of) guys who beat her every time, or can't figure out what she wants so she takes whatever; a guy that is taught by his father to cheat or pick up drunken women because they're easy; or whatever reason people don't learn from their mistakes.

Yeah, clubbing is fun when you're at that point, but I see it to be the situation so far as HE has told it in that he is interested in this ONE woman (as this thread is) and wants to find out what to do about her; but it sounds like you're telling to do something halfway and don't learn how the whole process goes--instead he should learn how to 'club' from the 'stud(s)'.

 

[theoritician]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

 

[Lisa!]

As Cyrus said, don't ask her to play chess. Asking someone to play chess requires that you know they know how to play chess and enjoy it and would find that a fun way to spend a few hours with someone. Really high probability she might say no only because she doesn't play chess, and not because she isn't interested in doing something with you. As we told you way back on page one or two of this thread, just ask her to join you for coffee, or even for a quick bite at the dining hall...anything that just gives you a chance to talk to her for longer than you can at the end of class. Heck, you could even just strike up conversation and walk with her to her next class or the student center or wherever she heads after class while you talk.

Common mistake made by guys! They try to treat girls like their male friends. I might be very interested in palying chess, discussing scientific,... matters but when a guy ask me to do these things, it's a turn off for me since it sounds to me that he enjoys playing chess more than interacting with me and it says that he's very selfish and selfsatisfied that he think it's him who should make plans for what we want to do. And well I ca't stand guys who think they're the only 1 who matters in the relationship.
Of course I might think of another probablity here that the guy might be inexperienced, but then it makes me feel that who might have been very boring and drown in his own world.

 

[Huckleberry]

Thank God I'm a eunuch. I used to be self-conscious about it, but after reading this thread I'm quite relieved.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

theoretician, I think you should take this test:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

 

[rewebster]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

funny, ---when I was typing that earlier post from just from a helping you out 'point of view' looking back at some of the discussions, including the last few pages, it started feeling like 'Good Will Hunting'

 

[EnumaElish]

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

My advice to you is to be you, but I wouldn't try to imitate a movie character. Also, do not forget that people have different "sides"; you do, too. I can be angry or sympathetic without being someone else.

P.S. Is "blunt" a synonym for "direct"?

 

[Cyrus]

OK--I went back and read what you wrote (for about the fourth time)

It reads to me that you're telling him that he shouldn't care about this woman that the thread has been talking about because you think he shouldn't care about her and instead be like you and just go have fun with another one, some other one, another other one, besides this one--the one he's talking about, caring about, obsessing about--because women are so plentiful he should be able to find another one to obsess about. In other words, be like you, instead of who he is. That should get him over the possibility of doing this all over again, right? Instead, of going through the process knowing what the process is himself, listen to you and not pay attention to what he is going through.

I never said any of that. I did not say he shoud "find another one to obsess about". I said he should not obsess about any woman.

It'll be the same thing next time, maybe--as, maybe a woman going out with (the same type of) guys who beat her every time, or can't figure out what she wants so she takes whatever; a guy that is taught by his father to cheat or pick up drunken women because they're easy; or whatever reason people don't learn from their mistakes.

No one said anything of that sort either, so stop acting stupid.

Yeah, clubbing is fun when you're at that point, but I see it to be the situation so far as HE has told it in that he is interested in this ONE woman (as this thread is) and wants to find out what to do about her; but it sounds like you're telling to do something halfway and don't learn how the whole process goes--instead he should learn how to 'club' from the 'stud(s)'.

What I said does not only apply to clubbing. It sounds to me like you have no social skills, nor understand social interaction. You hurt my feelings, now buy me a drink and dinner so I can feel better you stud.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Thank God I'm a eunuch. I used to be self-conscious about it, but after reading this thread I'm quite relieved.

Still, all your sons are going to be eunuchs, too.

 

[Moonbear]

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

Well, real life isn't a movie, there's no writer ensuring that no matter how much the main character blunders, there's always a happy ending. But, being yourself is important. If you have to pretend to be someone or something you're not to get a date, it's not going to work out in the long run anyway, so you're just wasting your time and effort. On the other hand, depending on what you mean by "blunt," you might want to tone things down a bit not to scare her off. Being tactful is also important, and tact is certainly a skill everyone needs to learn for both social relationships and career advancement.

Cyrus and rewebster have two different approaches. Cyrus seems to be taking the quantity over quality approach, I presume with the hope that the more women he meets, the more likely one of them might wind up being more compatible for dating. rewebster is taking a more selective quality over quantity approach of getting to know more about fewer women in the hope that the better you know them, the better chance of selecting one to date with success. Both approaches work, and your personality needs to factor into this. It's the same as people who prefer to attend huge parties with a bunch of people they barely know vs people who prefer to hang out with a small group of close friends. Neither of them is right or wrong, just doing what works best for them. The main point both of them are making, and everyone else here is making, is that if you can't even get your tongue untied long enough to speak to any woman at all, you're never going to be able to talk to the one who is right for you. You've gotten yourself SO worked up over this one woman based on nothing but glimpses of her after class and a whole lot of imagined intentions that have yet to be confirmed that it's only going to get worse if you keep waiting. And, if you're getting all hung up over this one person, you may be missing seeing other interesting women because you're too focused on just one...one who may wind up to have absolutely NOTHING in common with you other than a shared class. It's a waste of time to play guessing games when you could talk to her and find out directly and quickly if there's any reason to pursue her further. As others have pointed out, for all you know, she could already be married or have a boyfriend. If you don't talk to her, you're not going to know this.

There's also no need to latch onto the first person you meet who you think might be interested back. EVEN IF you're really ready to have a relationship, spend some time dating first. I know too many people who jumped in headfirst with their first "sweetheart" and wound up cheating or divorced later because they always had that little niggling doubt, "Could I have done better? Is this the best one for me out there? What would it have been like to date other people? Did I miss out on something along the way?"

 

[theoritician]

P.S. Is "blunt" a synonym for "direct"?

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

 

[Astronuc]

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

That would be too direct, especially if one has not spoken with her. Give it time.

Just talk to the woman. Establish a rapport with the young lady.

One does not start a journey in the middle.

 

[rewebster]

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

It's math that you're interested in, right?-----do you have 'specialty' area of interest in math?

What kind of hobbies do (or did) you have?

 

[theoritician]

That would be too direct, especially if one has not spoken with her. Give it time.

Just talk to the woman. Establish a rapport with the young lady.

One does not start a journey in the middle.

I have spoken to her and much time has passed. Its only like, not love so if she says yes than we can make arrangements to spend some time getting to know each other more and so to establish a rapport.

 

[theoritician]

It's math that you're interested in, right?-----do you have 'specialty' area of interest in math?

What kind of hobbies do (or did) you have?

Why ask the question now and in reply to this particular post?