Workplace Hazard: Beware of Black Bear in Lot A

[George Jones]

At 9:30 am yesterday, all employees where I work (on the edge of a forest) received the following email (marked with a red exclamation mark):

Good Morning,

There has been a black bear spotted in parking Lot A near the retention pond. Please be careful when walking outside and be aware of your surroundings.

 

[Evo]

So no security personnel out in the parking lot to make sure some poor employee isn't mauled going to their car?

 

[russ_watters]

Oh, no! Evo, lock your doors and stay inside!

 

[lisab]

Maybe you should wear a suit of armor to work, George!

 

[WannabeNewton]

What if it was the world's smallest black bear :p

 

[berkeman]

Maybe you should wear a suit of armor to work, George!

Nah, he just needs to be sure to wear running shoes to work.

(Quiz Question -- Why?)

 

[George Jones]

Nah, he just needs to be sure to wear running shoes to work.

(Quiz Question -- Why?)

Which coworker should I take with me?

When I started working here in September 2011, it took ages to get keys to my new office. I had to complete a safety checklist before a key could even be ordered. Material I had to read before I could get my key included advice on the proper posture to use while sitting at and typing on a keyboard, and stuff on bears

Encounters with aggressive bears are extremely rare and attacks are even rarer. If you encounter a bear:

• Remain calm and assess the situation.
• Respect the bear’s need for space.
• Never approach a bear for any reason.
• Be predictable and try not to surprise a bear.
• If the bear is in the distance, try to make a wide detour or leave the area.
• If you suddenly come face to face with a bear…back away slowly while facing the bear, preferably moving in the direction you came from. DO NOT RUN.
• Talk in a normal, non-threatening tone of voice so the bear can identify you as a human.
• If a bear approaches, don’t panic! Speak firmly and wave arms or a stick above your head to make your presence bigger. Continue to leave the area.

 

[berkeman]

Which coworker should I take with me?

 

[Evo]

Which coworker should I take with me?

When I started working here in September 2011, it took ages to get keys to my new office. I had to complete a safety checklist before a key could even be ordered. Material I had to read before I could get my key included advice on the proper posture to use while sitting at and typing on a keyboard, and stuff on bears

Oh yeah, I'm sure I'd remember all that if I came face to face with a full grown black bear. I read that a guy avoided being mauled by a bear by curling up on the ground and playing dead. Can't a bear tell that you're not dead?

 

[wukunlin]

I read that bears often mistake bipedal creatures as another bear demanding a challenge due to their poor eyesight hence why people get attacked. Maybe crawl your way to and back from work?

 

[D H]

No bars here. We do have other workplace hazards, however.

 

[turbo]

Which coworker should I take with me?

One that can't outrun you.

 

[trollcast]

Phone for a pizza delivery and as the delivery guy is messing in his van / bag / whatever run like hell to your car and hope the bear is distracted by the beautiful aroma of peperoni and goes for the pizzas (as a starter and then has the delivery guy for the main course)

 

[zoobyshoe]

I think you deserve 'combat pay' if you have to get around a bear to and from work.

 

[cobalt124]

Warning - this video contains some graphic images.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-22694609

 

[Borek]

Axe is handier than a scythe up close.

(Which is a quote from the movie I watched last week).

 

[FlexGunship]

Encounters with aggressive bears are extremely rare and attacks are even rarer. If you encounter a bear:

• Remain calm and assess the beary serious situation.
• Respect the bear’s need for space. Try to forget the fact that it totally won't respect your need for space, at all, and how hypocritical that is.
• Never approach a bear for any reason except to give it hugs.
• Be predictable and try not to surprise a bear unless it's its birthday.
• If the bear is in the distance, try to make a wide detour or leave the area because it's important that you be considerate of the bear's need for space... pfft.
• If you suddenly come face to face with a bear…back away slowly while facing the bear, preferably moving in the direction you came from. DO NOT RUN. This works well in zoos when the bear is in a cage.
• Talk in a normal, non-threatening tone of voice so the bear can identify you as a human. If possible speak in a light Bostonian accent. Avoid large words that a bear might not know.
• If a bear approaches, don’t panic! Speak firmly and wave arms or a stick above your head to make your presence bigger. Continue to leave the area. If this fails, give it your wallet and keys. DO NOT threaten to call the police.

Fixed.

 

[George Jones]

If this fails, give it your wallet and keys. DO NOT threaten to call the police.

No, this was (really) advice that I received at a different workplace in a very different geographical location.

 

[FlexGunship]

No, this was (really) advice that I received at a different workplace in a very different geographical location.

About bears?

 

[lisab]

Fixed.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

George, it is pretty easy to get away from a bear. The trick is to always walk with someone who can't run as fast as you can.

 

[OCR]

A few we've had to deal with...

Note: Left click on the image and it should open in a new tab... after it does, click it again and you get the the little zoom thing.




OCR

 

[OCR]

Lookin' at me... lol

↓​

OCR

 

[George Jones]

More bears at work. Five minutes ago (2 pm), I received the following email,

Hi Everyone

There have been several sightings of a female black bear and her cubs in the area between the Northern Sport Center and the main campus. Please be especially aware of your surroundings!

 

[Danger]

Lookin' at me... lol

Where'd you get that arrow?

 

[Evo]

More bears at work. Five minutes ago (2 pm), I received the following email,

That's crazy. The worst I had to deal with were large flocks of attack geese. They would block the sidewalks and if you tried to walk through them, they'd bite you.

 

[trollcast]

Where'd you get that arrow?

Its a unicode character.

↓

Linux its ctrl + shift + u + 2193 [numpad]

Windows I think is alt + +key on numpad + 2193

Mac, don't have a clue.

Back on topic, why / how do the bears get in, surely the perimeter of the facility you work at should be protected more?

 

[Danger]

Its a unicode character.

Thanks. I don't know what that means, and I don't have a numpad, but at least it removes the mystery. I thought that maybe it was a smilie.
I live in bear country, and you can take my word for it that they are insidiously clever at bypassing bear-proofing attempts. For one thing, they're unbelievably strong, so structural integrity of fencing and buildings has to be considered very carefully. My uncle had a horse that died in the pasture (natural causes). A black bear, which is the smallest kind in these parts and the sort in George's warning, casually flipped it over with one paw to see under it. They've also been known to rip open corrugated steel Quonset sheds. Also, they're somewhat related to dogs and have similar intelligence.

 

[BobG]

Where I work, we're told to leave the bull snakes alone ...

... because the more bull snakes we have, the fewer rattle snakes we have.

And, yes, we usually have a rattle snake or two to avoid every year. As compared to the risk of rattle snakes while hiking, in which case I've run across two in the 16 years I've lived here.

I think the difference is the lawn around our building is watered, making it a much more attractive location for rabbits and birds, while most of the wilderness areas around here are very dry.

Or, a little more discomforting, the difference is that the lawn around the building is mowed, making it a lot easier to see the snakes, while you could be quite close to a snake in the wilderness and not know it.

On the brighter side, we very occasionally get antelope near the building and get killdeer every year (the adult killdeer put on quite a show of being mortally injured easy prey in hopes of luring predators away from their young).

 

[Danger]

Jeez, Bob... you just took me straight back to 1965, before I moved east. We had a lagoon on our land, and killdeer nested on the shore. You are right; they should get a Raspberry award for over-acting.