Don't really know how to put it

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Emotional distress is expressed over a brother's new girlfriend, who is perceived to be negatively influencing his behavior, making him mean and secretive. The sister feels a strong bond with her brother and worries about his well-being, especially since he has broken family rules regarding privacy. Concerns are raised about the girlfriend's intentions, with suggestions that she may be manipulative or focused on his financial stability. The discussion highlights the tension between familial expectations and the brother's desire for independence, with differing opinions on how to approach the situation. Ultimately, the sister is seeking clarity and support to navigate her brother's changing dynamics.
  • #31
Sad part is, I think my brother might actually be more mature than her. He acts just like her brother and he is 28.
 
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  • #32
Cyrus said:
A 26 year old woman should not be dating a 21 year old guy. That is a very big difference. Its 6 years, but those 6 years correspond to about 20 in terms of maturity and life experiences. I'm 24, and I can hardly relate to a 21 year old anymore. I'm very different from when I turned 21 in some areas, but the same in others.

That's a rather general statement to be making (and btw, 26-21=5 :wink:)

I don't think such generalisations are helpful. Sure some 26 year olds shouldn't be dating some 21 year olds, but it doesn't hold for all.
 
  • #33
I'll spare any sob story except for the fact I would give my life to have my brother back with his family.

Two choices I see... talk to your brother alone- or talk to him with his fiancee and make sure they both understand that you value the relationship with YOUR brother and though he may become HER husband you will all become FAMILY if they marry. Regrets *&ck and they don't heal if you don't say anything when you have the chance.
 
  • #34
rootX said:
I would say "flouting rules that make no sense". Let's say I make a rule that everyone in my house should be naked...

That would be a good rule. It would be easier to know if your date was carrying a concealed weapon or was a transvestite, but on the down side it would be more expensive to heat the house in winter. Hey, you could always share blankets.
 
  • #35
Cyrus said:
A 26 year old woman should not be dating a 21 year old guy. That is a very big difference. Its 6 years, but those 6 years correspond to about 20 in terms of maturity and life experiences. I'm 24, and I can hardly relate to a 21 year old anymore. I'm very different from when I turned 21 in some areas, but the same in others.

That's true, especially when we're talking about college students. I'm 19 and half of my friends are 21. People who are 23+ are in such a completely different category, it's staggering.
 
  • #36
I'm 27 and my gf is 23 and she is definitely more mature than me, but I'm lucky enough that she accepts that :-p I think it comes from the fact that she's a kindergarten teacher and knows how to deal with 3 year olds...
 
  • #37
mcknia07 said:
The whole being upstair alone with the opposite sex, is just a general rule.
Sometimes rules need to be changed. The rules that make sense when the kids are 13 and 14 don't make a lot of sense when they are 21.

The other day, she called like 8 times within 20 minutes, yeah, it was pretty annoying, and my brother thought so too.
If she is insecure and does stuff like that to annoy him, he can make up his own mind if these are things overshadowed by other good things in the relationship, or if she's just generally annoying him. It's not going to help for you to keep sending mixed signals about her too...you say you like her but constantly criticize her. He's a grown up, whether you and your mother like it or not, and he can make his own choices, for good or bad.
 
  • #38
If they want privacy, they should go to her apartment.

It sounds as though his "mean and sneaky" behavior might actually be defensive and guilty...nothing more...give him time and don't push him away...or hang on too tight.
 
  • #39
redargon said:
I'm 27 and my gf is 23 and she is definitely more mature than me, but I'm lucky enough that she accepts that :-p I think it comes from the fact that she's a kindergarten teacher and knows how to deal with 3 year olds...

:smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:
 
  • #40
WhoWee said:
If they want privacy, they should go to her apartment.

It sounds as though his "mean and sneaky" behavior might actually be defensive and guilty...nothing more...give him time and don't push him away...or hang on too tight.

She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:
 
  • #41
mcknia07 said:
She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

Are you serious? Jeez, this sounds like a story between a couple of 13 year olds, not adults!

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:

Let's hope you can all learn something from this, lest it will happen all over again when he gets with someone else in the future. I find it hard to believe that these problems were 100% due to her.
 
  • #42
mcknia07 said:
She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:

I'm glad to hear that things are well. :-)
 
  • #43
mcknia07 said:
She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:


nice to hear that:smile:
 

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