Don't really know how to put it

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  • #26
drizzle
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I cried last night for and hour and a half and again this morning for another half an hour. (*Im not one to normally cry either*) My brother has a new girlfriend, don't get me wrong, I like her, but there is something that is not right about the situation. I had a nice long talk with my brother about it, I think I will have a 'lil chat with her and find out what it is. My brother is acting differently, but I don't think it's in a good way. I know she is not here to take my spot, but there is something that's making my brother kinda mean and sneaky. I love him to no end, and I don't want to see him get hurt. I care too much for him. I could go on for hours here, but I just don't know what to do or say at this moment. I told mom and she is going to have a talk with him today. She is slightly worried about him too. We know he is a big boy, but we are still family and that will never change.
I think the most important point is that you should avoid showing any kind of anger or disrespect towards him, he might jump into bad assumptions especially with that girl besides him. maybe you should talk to your brother [in private, go for a walk or so] and tell him no matter is his decision about that girl it’s his call, and you and your mom won’t interfere, and would always care for him. but most of all, tell him that family is something rare he wouldn’t find another family but he could find another gf, he can start a new life but that doesn’t mean he should break up with his family or be rough ..you know sort of that [note; don’t lecture him, just tell him kindly and he’ll get it... been in the same situation:rolleyes:]
 
  • #27
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It is a common thing for someone his age to do though (flouting the rules he doesn't like)


I would say "flouting rules that make no sense". Let's say I make a rule that everyone in my house should be naked....
 
  • #28
Moonbear
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Regardless, I would think that this problem will solve itself when he moves out.. afterall, that's bound to happen soon, isn't it?
I would hope so. It sounds like he's outgrown that house and is ready to have his own place and follow his own rules. Note that some people get engaged but do not rush right into marriage, and engagements have been broken too. Nonetheless, if he's being raised with such draconian rules that he can't invite someone upstairs in the house, and such antiquated notions that men need to rule the house (as long as they listen to their mommy :rolleyes:), he may have some of those ideas still clinging to him as well that he feels it necessary to be engaged before living with a woman.
 
  • #29
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The whole being upstair alone with the opposite sex, is just a general rule. It applies to me too, we have never broken it before, of all things for my brother to break them, it was just odd....like someone said, she kinda was brainwashing him. He told me today that while he was at work, and she knows he is at work and can't really get away too easily, she called and left an 8 min. voice mail and left around 7 text messages. She just seems to be very insecure about herself. The other day, she called like 8 times within 20 minutes, yeah, it was pretty annoying, and my brother thought so too. There is no longer any talk for the engagement, he sees a few things now that he really doesn't like and they have been slowling coming out. (sad part is...she is starting to remind us of one of his old ex's...not a good thing) lol.

As for what drizzle said, I did have a nice talk with him and he saw I was sincere and concerned and he took it to heart. He realized that she was trying to push him away from something that he dearly loves (the fire department), she hate the fact that when we talk about it, she gives my mother and I some very evil looks, and it's not our fault he loves it. We grew up around around it, it's just part of who we are.

We made it clear to him, that we really do like her, it's all up to him what he wants to do and how he wants to handle everything. He is not a little boy anymore and he knows he doesn't have to agree with everything we say, he has his own mind and knows how to use it and make the right decistions. We will forever love him and he will always be apart of us.
 
  • #30
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A 26 year old woman should not be dating a 21 year old guy. That is a very big difference. Its 6 years, but those 6 years correspond to about 20 in terms of maturity and life experiences. I'm 24, and I can hardly relate to a 21 year old anymore. I'm very different from when I turned 21 in some areas, but the same in others.
 
  • #31
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Sad part is, I think my brother might actually be more mature than her. He acts just like her brother and he is 28.
 
  • #32
cristo
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A 26 year old woman should not be dating a 21 year old guy. That is a very big difference. Its 6 years, but those 6 years correspond to about 20 in terms of maturity and life experiences. I'm 24, and I can hardly relate to a 21 year old anymore. I'm very different from when I turned 21 in some areas, but the same in others.
That's a rather general statement to be making (and btw, 26-21=5 :wink:)

I don't think such generalisations are helpful. Sure some 26 year olds shouldn't be dating some 21 year olds, but it doesn't hold for all.
 
  • #33
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I'll spare any sob story except for the fact I would give my life to have my brother back with his family.

Two choices I see... talk to your brother alone- or talk to him with his fiancee and make sure they both understand that you value the relationship with YOUR brother and though he may become HER husband you will all become FAMILY if they marry. Regrets *&ck and they don't heal if you don't say anything when you have the chance.
 
  • #34
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I would say "flouting rules that make no sense". Let's say I make a rule that everyone in my house should be naked....
That would be a good rule. It would be easier to know if your date was carrying a concealed weapon or was a transvestite, but on the down side it would be more expensive to heat the house in winter. Hey, you could always share blankets.
 
  • #35
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A 26 year old woman should not be dating a 21 year old guy. That is a very big difference. Its 6 years, but those 6 years correspond to about 20 in terms of maturity and life experiences. I'm 24, and I can hardly relate to a 21 year old anymore. I'm very different from when I turned 21 in some areas, but the same in others.
That's true, especially when we're talking about college students. I'm 19 and half of my friends are 21. People who are 23+ are in such a completely different category, it's staggering.
 
  • #36
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I'm 27 and my gf is 23 and she is definitely more mature than me, but I'm lucky enough that she accepts that :tongue: I think it comes from the fact that she's a kindergarten teacher and knows how to deal with 3 year olds...
 
  • #37
Moonbear
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The whole being upstair alone with the opposite sex, is just a general rule.
Sometimes rules need to be changed. The rules that make sense when the kids are 13 and 14 don't make a lot of sense when they are 21.

The other day, she called like 8 times within 20 minutes, yeah, it was pretty annoying, and my brother thought so too.
If she is insecure and does stuff like that to annoy him, he can make up his own mind if these are things overshadowed by other good things in the relationship, or if she's just generally annoying him. It's not going to help for you to keep sending mixed signals about her too...you say you like her but constantly criticize her. He's a grown up, whether you and your mother like it or not, and he can make his own choices, for good or bad.
 
  • #38
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If they want privacy, they should go to her apartment.

It sounds as though his "mean and sneaky" behavior might actually be defensive and guilty...nothing more...give him time and don't push him away...or hang on too tight.
 
  • #39
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I'm 27 and my gf is 23 and she is definitely more mature than me, but I'm lucky enough that she accepts that :tongue: I think it comes from the fact that she's a kindergarten teacher and knows how to deal with 3 year olds...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
  • #40
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If they want privacy, they should go to her apartment.

It sounds as though his "mean and sneaky" behavior might actually be defensive and guilty...nothing more...give him time and don't push him away...or hang on too tight.
She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:
 
  • #41
cristo
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She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)
Are you serious? Jeez, this sounds like a story between a couple of 13 year olds, not adults!

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:
Let's hope you can all learn something from this, lest it will happen all over again when he gets with someone else in the future. I find it hard to believe that these problems were 100% due to her.
 
  • #42
She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:
I'm glad to hear that things are well. :-)
 
  • #43
drizzle
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She still lives with her parents, lol.

She is now out of the picture, my brother broke up with her kinda on last saturday, then she turned around and broke up with him on sunday, (we think, just so she can sa yshe really did it, but whatev)

My brother is back to his normal self. :biggrin:

nice to hear that:smile:
 

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