I’m not sure how much to write or how to write something like what I’m about to write. That sentence was weird but I’m more interested in getting some answers or advice than grammar and prose at the moment. I’m a little down right now so this would probably be different than if I wrote this at another time. This post is very long but I’m not sure what to do and I wanted to provide as much info as possible. I’m currently enrolled at a university in a materials science program. Coming out of high school I did not know what I wanted to do. I worked part time and went to a community college. While there I was going to go into a nursing program (I’m a male) but I started to really like biology and thought about majoring in biology and eventually further my studies in molecular genetics. A little later I was reading and hearing things on nanotechnology which led me to materials science. I like the idea of biomimetics and how to use engineering concepts and materials to manipulate physiology. I took a couple human anatomy and physiology classes while at the community college and received A’s in both. My gpa was about a 3.6 for my time at the community college. I transferred to a large university in last fall. I did very bad that semester. The room I signed a lease for was literally cut in half a couple weeks before the semester started because a fire escape needed to be put in. I also had all my belongings stolen at one point (wallet, cell phone, credit cards, ID, etc) so that was a tough thing to go through. I ended up dropping a class (organic chemistry). My other classes were differential equations, an intro atomic physics class, and intro to materials science class. I received two D’s and a C+ in those classes. The C+ in the materials science class could have been a B but I just ran out of points to earn at the end. I ended up with a 1.4 GPA for the semester. I was diagnosed with ADHD that semester. I don’t actually think its ADHD. I found out about a condition called twice exceptional and I seem to match it perfectly. The doctor I’m seeing is conservative with medications and I haven’t been able to experiment much. I haven’t found anything that works yet. I had some testing done and some outliers in the data were that my immediate memory was in the 19th percentile while my delayed memory was in the 95th percentile. This really showed me what I was thinking for a while. When I am not given enough time to read and build an intuition for a subject I do very bad, but if given time the subject becomes second nature. It’s very hard to explain and so far I haven’t found anybody that understands what it is like. This semester started out pretty good. I was organizing things more and everything started out well but deadlines and obligations started to pile up. I’m taking organic chemistry again along with C++ for engineers, mechanical properties, and materials selection. The latter two being materials science classes. I’m failing the C++ class. We have labs and I am never able to hand them in so out of 10 labs I have received a zero on maybe 8-9 of them. I have done very well on my homework assignments though. I do well on the homework because I have time to read and completely understand the material before the assignment is due. Over spring break I read C++ and really understood it. Read C++ and organic chemistry was all I did over spring break. I never go out because I have something due. It sucks and I feel like I’m missing out on life but I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying to fit in the educational system. I just had an exam and I think I did very well. I was talking to other students about a practice exam and they asked me if computer science was my major because I knew what was covered so well. I didn’t tell them that I’m actually failing and now I understand the subject. This sounds weird but as things get more complex I get better and develop a better understanding of things. I didn’t realize how bad the education system was. When I transferred I saw how everything was about deadlines and exams and just basically minutia. It’s like the concept of college and the exam has overtaken learning and building an intuition about a topic. Everybody is all about the practice exam and what will be on the exam rather than learning. I initially thought it was the students but I think our educational system doesn’t allow people to understand how they learn or how to build understanding and intuition for a subject. People are trying to learn t do well on the exam and memorize and study practice exams to do well. I can’t do that. I need to completely understand and when I do things get so easy and everything seems so logical. It’s hard to really explain with words. I’m not sure if I can pass this semester. I’m meeting with an advisor on Thursday and I’m going to tell him I’m thinking of dropping out. Earlier today I made a list of pros and cons for dropping out of college. The two big things for the pros are just being happy once again and having fun actually learning. The big con would be not having a career. When I initially transferred I wanted to go to graduate school but now I’m struggling with passing my classes. I think I’m probably best described as an anomaly. I think I may just try to find a job somewhere and reteach myself mathematics (actually build a proper understanding this time) and study quantum mechanics and start getting heavily in quantum chemistry on my own. It sounds weird but from what I’ve experienced I’m pretty much the opposite of everybody else. I also want to write a book how education has failed and how it can be improved. Also write some intro textbooks in different scientific fields in a more logical way. Sorry, this post has gotten ridiculously long and now probably no one will read it but I wanted to give as much info as possible so maybe one person can offer some advice. Also sorry if there isn't much flow. i have a lot of things going through my mind.